Is Valentines Day Bull Sh*t? | MiniPod

Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio in partnership with Reason Choice Media.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Hello, Hello, hello everybody, and welcome to this week's Minnie Pod.

I know how much y'all love these We love them too because they're brief.

Don't take all day to get a thing out, And today we are talking about Valentine's Day.

It may take all day to get a thing out.

And how do y'all celebrate Valentine's Day?

Do you believe in it?

Angela has a cautionary tales to tell every person out there who's with somebody who don't.

Believe Angela kick us off? What's up? How you celebrating Valentine's Day?

You got philosophical thoughts on on this thing?

Or or just take it as it comes?

I got it funny? Can we run? Can we run something funny first?

Yeah?

Yeah?

So.

Our good sister.

Kendrick G has a as a live show that she does on YouTube and Instagram with people who call in for her matchmaking services. And there was one particular occasion that I love so much. I watched multiple times. I want you all to see what happened and how it all went down as the slippery soap. Were probably not gonna play the full thing. Nick, I'll tell you when to cut it off. But let's go ahead and run this Kendred g moment. It's the best of the best.

Hello.

Oh you gotta sit up, baby. Hello, Yeah, Hello Dasha DeShawn from where Detroit?

Mechican? Detroit?

How old are you? Deshan?

Twenty nine?

What's the problem? You didn't hear the question?

Yes, I did know you did? You said where I'm from? I said Detroit? You said how old are you?

I said twenty nine? No, yeah, I said how old are you?

I said twenty nine?

That means how many? How many years have you been on earth?

He said, you didn't hear the question.

I'm twenty nine years old.

You in Bozo, so you must not have heard of being twenty nine?

Yeah, I know, girl, I know you ain't trying to go there with the rings because you and I'm gonna make up on your hideous like don't play with me because I can go there. I'm trying to be nice that wigs like don't play with me. Don't play with me, Candre, please don't do it.

I mean, well, listen, I'm the one with the show that you stayed up to be on.

So you nobody gives up though, because I mean nobody, Like, you're not a nice person. You're ugly on the inside, you trying to don't loot, jabs at people. Look at you, your shiny ass face, ugly, ugly, look at you, look at you.

Andrew is offended, but she continues to ask him what year you born, because she's like, it's no way on guys screen earth that you're twenty nine. So, needless to say, he probably didn't make a love connection. But I do want to just acknowledge Kindred does these regularly. There's a guy that went on that said he was fifty and he only days twenty something year old. There's a woman who said that you know, she's engaged, but she need a man on the side.

It cracks me up.

It's giving possible balloons just random.

They just call her, They just called in and she kind of.

Goes off of myn ig life and so that's what they do. But yeah, I thought that we could start there. I know we have a question from a matchmaker as well. Uh, before we get into my business and how y'all celebrate now times day. Let's just keep it going. Let's get the question there from the matchmaker.

All Right, this one's gonna be PG, y'all.

I'm sorry.

Hi, Nana Lampod.

My name is Tyan.

I'm a matchmaker in Jersey City, New Jersey. I've been working in the dating and relationship field for about five years now, and I'm coming to you with a question based on what I've been seeing in my work lately. I primarily work with black men and women in their thirties and forties, and I'm finding it difficult to find men who are ready for a commitment or even in general.

We hear a.

Lot about crisis, the crisis with men, but usually the conversation focuses on white men ages eighteen to twenty five.

From what I've been.

Seeing, there's a crisis with black men as well in their twenties, thirties, and forties that is not often centered. So my question is, how should we be thinking about black love and relationships right now, giving what's happening with men our community.

Thank you for.

All you do.

I love the podcast, and Tiffany, if you're watching, I miss you and I definitely will be getting the book.

Thanks again, y'all, and welcome home.

Welcome home, Come Home.

The crisis, I think so the one that she's describing with white men, which is clearly a lot of it talked about, but in the relationship field, is around the fact that increasingly not dating, sort of spending a lot of time gaming, being confronted by unemployment or underemployment, underemployed aspirations, so not getting hired into the places that they want uh, and politically showing up a bit more conservative, causing a lot more of their peer opposite sex women who are

The opposite of Mary Jay's real love.

Okay, that's clever, and I think she's suggesting that it's that that's also true and that maybe in the in the black male community that similarly, within this age group, there is increasing you know, a version and I've read articles about that, I mean, women increasingly saying that you know, who want children, who are thinking about it very differently than having to be in a relationship by what to produce a child, but considering other alternatives to producing a

In order to have, you know, in order to have one.

And women increasingly choosing from a social standpoint that they'll be just find socializing with their girls. And you know, if they have a date with a guy every now and again, that's okay, But would you know, find great enjoyment and going out and just having a night on the town amongst you know, their own girls.

Well, so this is are we backed in all this to say, you know, how do we celebrate do we celebrate Valentine's Day?

And whose kind of responsibility is that?

I think, you know, what's fascinating about this conversation is even when we were getting ready to come on our producer Lolo and Jordan, who's our editor, we're talking about, you know, whether black men celebrate Valentine's Day, And I retort it and I meant it, young sisters that if you were to dude that says he don't believe in Valentine's Day, you're not the only one on his roster.

So I just want to.

Make sure we're very clear about this, because a man who's dating you and wants to ensure your happiness is going to celebrate I don't care if it's you know, some random holiday that's specific to your state.

He gonna roll with you a little bit.

And the fact that he's like he don't believe in it, He don't believe in spending money in.

Multiple places boo boo believe that. So I just I don't want to make sure.

That I meant answer.

I think it's true.

That's because I don't know.

I mean, I think with every answer respect to the matchmaking profession, I don't know many black men that are seeking out love at matchmakers.

That's what about see I love period?

I mean, I mean answer my question, no, I mean, you didn't really ask a question. It was more declaratory.

I thought you were making a statement.

Well, I'm sorry, Why are you to respond to what I said?

No, I mean I think that I think that a lot of times men don't want to be in a position where they are forced rather real artificially to do something they don't that they feel as if they do day in and day out. For many of us, we confess our love daily, we show our love daily, and so why is there the extra rigama role of having to do above and beyond on a day that is dictated and celebrated and anointed as the day where you shower someone with love? And it's fine, I don't.

For me.

A lot of times it's you do things like that to kind of go through the processes or avoid the conflict of not doing it. But you focus day in and day out on showing your partner that level of affection, or at least you should. And the other thing is, for as much as there's condemnation that rains down on men, particularly Black men, I don't believe that there's been an adequate inspection of the expectations of women, particularly Black women.

Hold on, I got a quick question. I would like to do a focus group pole here. Please please raise your hand if you've eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the last month, exactly, Go ahead, Andrew.

But his point was well made.

I mean I would probably say the person should describe it as a picnic for a day, and then they can make the meal, you know, put the peanut butter of the whatever's.

In frre's something in a basket.

And but but there's effort required, because there is a way to just make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, right and and and say this is what I could do, which I will consider half assed. And you shouldn't have you shouldn't have done that.

But somebody take.

Y date, No, you do, I will take a picnic one to me.

That's suggesting time, energy, effort put into trying to make something nice and.

Special distraction for most for most people. I mean, I think that the seclusion, the absence of distraction. I mean, I just think the people have artificial ways in which they want to be wooed, and I mean I think that their standards. Of course, I think we shower our

Mm hmmm.

It's a compulsory for you. It should be. No, I mean the.

Nature, Valentine, Yes, the compulsory nature of it, Yes, yeah.

For sure. Yeah that's interesting. Kevin, what do you what's your what's your outlook? How do you treat today? How do you perceive it?

I just want to say I'm gay, and none of this computes to me.

All of this, I'm completely not.

Oh, I just meant, like the conversations about effort or the cost of dates. I just think it's so different with like, I just think it's different with men who date other men. I actually I find that like there there's often a competition to be the one who's providing

Like the push and pull.

It's not really like an argument about.

Like who pays as much.

Which I find comes up in like social media discourse around heterosexual dating a lot, and I don't I guess it doesn't come up, but it's sort of because it's presumed that the man in that heterosexual situation is going to be the one to pay, then there's more judgment about how much you're paying or where it is that we're going. It's a different standard versus like the same

Is there pressure though to celebrate Onme's Day?

Absolutely?

Yeah?

But okay, like do you celebrate them?

And do you celebrate?

Are you celebrating like do you have them blocked off like morning, mid afternoon?

Not?

Do you have.

I am I'm going to fly myself to Vegas and go see Kailani in concert on Valentine's saying that is my plan?

Okay, and it's Kevin likes to treat he gonna treat me.

I'm going to want to be I would be photed to.

I'm going, I'll bet I was seeing someone and or I've been seeing someone, but it's fashion week and they work in fashion and like they're busy. So I'm like, all right, I was trying to take a trip, but you don't want to go, So I'm gonna go see Kilano is the only woman I would date.

That because I said I was going. What just happened? Kevin?

I was my wing person's attention.

I want that woman so bad.

Okay, brother, you got something in common with the rest of us on the panel.

No, no, the rest of y'all, But I will this is this is the question that I have for y'all too now. I I said, I gave our little the information to our our lovely producers and editor on these kind of tips. Around men, you're talking about the compulsory nature of Valentine's Day and being forced to celebrate. Is there any part of y'all that feels like this is an opportunity to express love but also I want to

Folks. I want to hear this.

Because I would say I would love, I would appreciate more if the receiving love in the forms that came in were more regular like Valentine's Day. To me, the compulsory nature is a complete turn off, Like I don't need a mechanized holiday to.

Tell me this.

To day you write a love note or give chocolate, I don't get chock mar Johnny Chcolate. But you know, like the day that you show some outward expression. With my kids on a slight bit different with it because I get, of all three of them them Valentine's Day recognition. And that's mostly because the environment that they're in, you know, with their classmates and peers.

I don't want them to get the impression that their parents or.

The people, you know, the loves in their lives don't love them, you know, the same way.

But I probably talked to them one day about it too. When they're mature.

And can make some you know, more maturey to making, I just I don't like the commulsitary nature of it. I was like when Jana were dating. I do things like get the roses at the beginning of the week if it was on a Friday, and or I'd send, you know, would drop in and ask her if I could take her to lunch, but not on you know, not on Valentine's They'd be the Wednesday.

And so that it felt because.

That would reflect more of what our habits had been and were by way of expressing love and affectionate desire to be together and spend time together. And then when social media entered the arena right, like, because Facebook didn't exist when I was in college, not to I graduated. I think of my senior year.

It was at Harvard and.

Yale and you know at the you know, at the Ivys when it when it first started. But but then you have to to now compete with everybody writing, you know, open love letters online and posting you know, a hundred different vases of roses, and then you know, folks start doing things that start to see no, no, I wasn't doing basis.

Of of of of you know, of flowers.

And then now you're like, what's real and what isn't because now this performative and I think you just found out do to this and the that I look at my room, I'm like.

This is crazy, Like this is what it took for you to say I love you. There were not other ways, you.

Know, other ways to do it, so like that's just always been in my craw But I I look, I have folded like.

The rest of us. And you do what you're supposed to do on the day and keep it moving. My god, it's true. I know you because you don't.

But Angela, what my question was, but I want you to answer my question.

My answer was, yes, I want to receive it, and I want to receive it.

That's what I'm saying.

The basis, do you give on Valentine's Day? What is your history of giving gifts?

Me?

I'm great at this, I'm masterful.

Explain.

I think I give a lot.

You know, some of it costs money, some of it doesn't.

But I think.

See, see, that's what I'm talking about. They want to get that Monday Tuesday Andrew. Every day of the week, we want that Monday Tuesday. We want, we want something above and beyond.

I'm just saying that I think that I think that it is reciprocal as well. I grew up really spoiled on Valentine's Day. My dad made sure that you know, he got my mom a dozen roses, and then I got a rose in a balloon. Now the thing that my dad does not know. Sorry, Daddy'm about to tell family business again. We have told him that roses is not particularly.

Our favorit flower.

He don't give it there, He's still gonna gets.

I gotta talk to put the financials on that he could save save a lot of money.

I'm like, you could go down the pipe.

Place and give me a mixed bouquet for twenty five dollars and I will be so happy because I love like flowers and all the colors and the shapes, and you know, so I just think that it's really just more about effort. I do agree that everything doesn't have to cause I actually am somebody that prefers words of affirmation. I like to send them, I like to receive them.

Okay, so on the internet, you guys have to go all out posting love letter pictures and all the stuff with you on the line.

I am at the point now, after having several public facing relationships, that my next situation online will be when I'm engaged. I think that I'm no longer going to give access to that part of my life because honestly, it's just embarrassing, Like I didn't expect to go public and then, you know, be broken up and I'm getting asked about somebody who is I'm three girlfriends ago, like why are you still ask me about this dude?

You know?

And then as you get three different acknowledgments on the same day. They like, we love Angela, we love Angela, we love you know, everybody, don't worry about No, I'm.

Not saying I'm three girlfriends and I'm one of the three.

I'm saying I three girlfriends prior you are right now, and it was.

Several years ago.

So I'm just like, you know, at this point, I would like to have a good, sturdy leaned up against strong love and watching my parents, especially navigate my dad in the emergency room the other day, my mom going through cancer treatment. Now, you're just like, you just want somebody that's reliable, will be there, appreciate you, develop the friendship and all that, and all that to say, it won't be public, y'all not going to see my Valentine till I get a ring there.

It is there, and it won't be from.

The Cheesecake Factor. No, they probably won't now either. I don't know that I would ever actually get a cheesecake. You guys would probably not get one with me because we laughed so hard about it with Don a long time ago.

But anyway, Andrew, I was.

About to say, I wish y'all out good, great luck, y'all in the dating game.

Y'all who are doing what you do?

Yeah, it's a lot going on and the again, I just like whatever feels authentic, whatever feels natural.

First of all, if you if you love a person and.

They love you, they will be very clear right about how it is that you go above and beyond the show and demonstrate your love.

Can you guys do me a favorite?

Butkari and Andrew, you guys are married to some incredible black women. I would love if you would just take a moment. It's not Valentine's Day yet, this will air the day before Valentine's Day, but it would be great if you could take a moment to just send them a little love note right now.

If you can just give them a little little shout out.

Yeah. I talked about the performative and here she goes saying, hey on this, No.

I would love it if you did it.

No, No, I do it. I do it.

As you talked about, you like flowers and different varieties of them. I mean I've taken to like buying loosely flowers and putting together the arrangement for my wife. And it's not just on Valentine's Day. I do it random times throughout, going through pictures in my phone that I particularly love about us, where they weren't like the picture

So I our j is the best person I know period, And.

I love our love, I love our friendship. I love her mother ring, I love her daughter as she is performs as a daughter to her parents, how she is as a sibling to her brother. I love the person she is.

She's my rock, right, So you think about those those you know upon the solid rock extent. Yeah, So when all else is unaccountable and can't be relied on and won't be there, Jay is solid footing for me, and I hope that I'm that also for her, And that means that you don't have a perfect relationship. You have a living relationship, and it changes, it evolves, that take on different shapes, and and yet it persists.

I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day, but happy every day.

Happy Valentine's Day. I just pressed press affirmation everything you said above. We've we've married, We've outputted our coverage, married extremely well. And hopefully I'm able to show Sadie what love really means through the way that I love her mom.

Happy Valentine, Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

I had to go on mute because I was Oh, I had to go on mute. I was like, let me do this by myself. But that was so sweet. I love you guys for doing that, and thank you for the examples of good husbands, good daddy's, good sons, good brothers that you are to all of your family member.

I'm getting to Kevin.

Hey, Kevin, I hope that you at least get a hug from Killanne. You know, Kiline, you from the West coast, so represent us well said and keV.

If you want to send a love note, by all means we don't. We don't want to omit you. But Angela did not want to put you on the spot.

Yes, I will be something, I will be something nothing.

I I'm lad.

I'm always just very romantic. Trust me.

This is just you know, this was very sweet to witness.

Though I'm going to hang out with Kevin. Okay, yeah, I'm going to hang out with Kevin.

But no, I will say that.

My love note is just to my parents for just providing such a beautiful example of love and super super high standards, even at forty six. I will not compromise and I get the that Mom and Papa Rie kind of love. So I love you both. Thank you for birthing me. Thank you for allowing me to bear witness to your love. And I'm so proud of who you all are, how you love each other, your friendship, the way in which you love our people and have loved each other through movement after movement.

So I thank God for my parents.

And yeah, now you know, the three.

Of us have to say Happy val say Mama.

Angels.

And your in laws y'all better do it all.

Yes, indeed, I love that Happy Valentine's say y'all, welcome home, Welcome.

Home, y'all.

Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership with Resent Choice Media. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.