Family Beef in These Thanksgiving Streets | MiniPod

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What's Up, Princessful?

She got a stomach out? Look at it?

Just oh, we got a little mid drift.

I'm almost done, Okay, I love you. I tried.

One of the things that I tried to do in my life is not have beef with six year olds.

But I'm not always successful. Welcome to y'all.

Welcome home, y'all supposed to say, welcome home.

Jesus, I gotta help you, y'all just saw.

We just had a special cameo from Sadie Ellen Sellers and she is going to be seven in January, along with her brother. You may hear them in the background because we out of school on this Thanksgiving week, but we are enjoying every bit of it. And shout out to the Nutcracker. I hope some of y'all are going to get a chance to see friends and family in special shows. But Angela had a unique she wanted to talk about, So I'm gonna let you bring it in because you described it so well.

So all of us have siblings, and I think I at least have a ton of cousins too. And so we spend our holidays all together. As you all know, we've spent a lot of time trafficking and internet beef.

Some that we requested, some we.

Didn't ask for, but some if we can't escape. Always during the holidays, there's.

Some family beef.

So I want to talk about conflict resolution on the other side of Thanksgiving and wondering how y'all navigated through some of the trials and tribulations of cousin beef, sibling beef, and all things in between. Did you get in trouble for making the macaroni and cheese bad? Did you get in trouble for putting marshmallows on top of the camps? Did you get in trouble for some age oh beef that we don't know about. I want to hear about it.

I got some that's not quite resolved.

I'm talking about that too.

And you're talking about like light hearted beef, and there's like heavy beef that happens, and it depends on how you perceive its like heavy beef for some people. As you renigged back in nineteen ninety eight. You said you ain't have no clubs spoken in decades.

You know.

Yeah, marriages break up.

Over when like and your your cousin female dance too close to your new husband. Oh, y'all, you know.

They already knew, they already knew each other.

Andrew not, Well, I don't know what don't.

That's why you got it. That's why you gotta get your card.

You got to get your Thanksgiving.

I want to hear about this.

But we all together now, you know.

Yeah, but that's why you gotta have it was a beef.

No that sounds let's get let's start light up.

Okay, Well.

I don't really I don't spend the holidays with my family, so I don't really have like and it's not like family beef.

It's just we all choose our piece.

So and we're recording. We're recording this early. So for Thanksgiving, these people don't know. But for Thanksgiving, I may be a Tamern's house because I'll be in New York. I'm either go go to Tammer's house in Sunny's house, or I might take the train back to DC and be at my friend's house. But I really don't because I'm you know, usually with like chosen family. I don't really have beef around the holidays, but I do like to talk a.

Lot of.

I don't.

I don't have beef. And the reason I don't have beef is because I am affectionately calling myself a human gas lighter. I am the person who you want to have beef with. And then I just withdraw from communication.

Because I don't. I don't care.

I can't do all of that and the family group chats as soon as the beef pop off. You see, Bacari left the conversation in the middle.

Of family group chats or prayers.

You really don't.

Hold on real quick like you or do you just ignore?

Yeah? I mean, if y'all piss me off, I don't.

I will leave a group chat in a heartbeat because I want you to the part of the gas lighting is you have to see the little line at the bottom that says Macari, seller's left the.

Conversation, left the chat.

So it's not just like this, Well, can you tell us what happens the last time you did?

So, just as a just I am about to tell the truth, just as a One of the things people will never say about me is I lie, but as a part of a larger thing. I believe that a relationships go both ways. And I hate to be in a relationship where I just give. That drives me crazy because I when I just give, I get exhausted. And then it's like when I give and then somebody comments on how I give what I give, or if I gave the right amount of effort, then that is when I'm about done.

Give me an example, b Come.

On, I mean what I mean. No, no, no.

I take care of my parents, all right, and so I take care of Gwen and Cleve. They get allowances I pay for. You know, I'm just calling up No they with you, Andrew and SKOPI conversation so but you know, and sometimes you just want people to help shoulder that load. And it's okay to do it by yourself. But I don't need critique on how I'm shouldering the load. That's my only point. I think that's what people don't to whom given, to whom much is given.

You got three people on this side of the screen, like handler. If y'all listening to Angelo point.

Ellen is one of the most special people I'll ever meet because one of the things that that happened when we got married. Is I married a really really good partner. I married and she hates when I say this. I married it because I saw she was going to be a good mother because we had a bonus child, so that's always But I found out she's a really really

Hell?

Yeah?

Does it drive me crazy sometimes?

Yeah?

Do I worry about getting into heaven? Yeah?

But I'm also going to make sure that I have my peace of mind because I ain't gonna let y'all mess up my holidays. Ain't that much weed in the world.

You know, not with the red cup entering the conversation too, Tip, it's five am somewhere. Now here's the thing that, here's the thing why I pointed at the screen, Tip, and I know you can relate to it too, because one of the things we talked about, I think last week is in my call to action around caretaking. And what I think is so interesting about this moment is how

And I want to give y'all.

I wasn't even gonna get into this because I didn't think about it.

But when be just brought this up.

You know, last week, my mom was in the hospital after having a fall we talked about and she had to be transferred to a rehab facility. Well, I'm one visiting all these rehab facilities. Ain't nobody going with me, Daddy, no, Shaye. But I went by myself and my dad was he had a call so he couldn't go. So, you guys, by the third one I went to, I'm in the car sobbing because I'm like, I can't put my mom in any of these places, right, I'm like, she will look at me like, and you got me confused, you

It hasn't happened yet, Like and I'm like, did you? I'm sorry, did you make a call?

And I'm feeling tender about it cause I'm like nobody's helping. I'm looking at the board members to see who I can reach out to to get my mom in the facility that is preferred, you know.

But it's frustrating when it's not even critique.

I won't even say critique, it's it is the quiet resentment by the way that I'll feel from carrying what I believe is my responsibility. But it would still be nice if somebody just was like, hey, do you need any support here? So I end up getting mad over something I never even expressed to anyone, right, but I just feel it.

I see you not intip.

Can I ask, though? Can I ask.

If someone in your family had tried to be just as invested as you just invested in calling, would they have the space to do that?

Or would you say, like.

Do you want to be the person who's handling it like if your cousin or your sibling, or you have like siblings that you grew up with or cousins who you grew up.

With as siblings.

So if they jumped in and they were like, okay, I'm gonna call these three, are are they going to get the antelip It's like, oh.

Thank you so much for shouldering it's with me or the.

Antelopus, Like, well, I'll do it because I know my mom and I know how I wanted and did you ask this and did you ask that? And did you do it the right way? And so maybe they might feel like I'm not going to intervene are you reception?

Very much?

So, in fact, the only difference I would say, though my standards here are my moms. I was very careful to ask my mom what does she want? I'm like, Mom, here are the things that I'm thinking through. Does this align with what you want? I'm operating strictly off what she wants right like she is she Thank God, she has her right mind. She can make these decisions right Like,

Check it out, right.

So if they are like, oh, I'm gonna go, look like, I know my cousin Me, I know my cousin Mary, I know my cousin Ronda, ma A Learetta. I was, yeah, and he has been here to help, you know. Like so like everybody, they all have the same standards. Now, I got some other cousins where I might not yield to you, son, because I.

Don't know what type of time you want.

So yes, I think so, But I think what's most frustrating, and I be quiet here is my brother. My parents will probably be mad for me saying this, but it's true. My brother just turned sixty this past Friday. I have not talked to him in over a year. He did, in his defense, call my mom recently, but my mom hasn't talked to him over a year.

And when she heard his voice on the phone, she starts crying.

And I think for me, I was like, damn, I didn't realize how much this was an open hole for her, and it's a wound, and so like, I want to be grateful that he showed up, but I also want to cuss his ass out because I haven't seen him, haven't heard from him, he ain't done nothing. It's irritating. And so for me, like if there was family beef, well there is family beef. I have beef with him, bless you to. I have beef with him right now

Thank you.

Next, white privilege, White privilege, tell me about.

My brother.

Nick is my brother. He's getting me through my terrible technological days. Go ahead, Andrew you over there with you looking like you're about to run off on one of your patent at twelve minutes.

You and know you and I both get the same DRUMA. I'm managing uh three children upstairs, and when they started getting stompy on the floor, somebody about to push somebody and whatever. So these are beats, family beasts and ours range. I mean, honestly, we y'all family group chats are a lot more active around situations than ours. Ours ours are prayers usually we have also regular family once a month prayer calls, h cousins, aunts, my siblings, and I know

Nobody knows.

I get that, Andrew. We've talked about that before.

That's a pet peeve of both of ours, not just with family, but with anybody. Like if I call you and the first thing I hear is I've been trying to call you. I called you eighteen times or whatever, it's gonna be a real short conversation because my attitude is like I'm calling you back now, like what's up.

I remember being sixteen years old.

No, at this point, I was eighteen, and I was in a hotel by myself, like a holiday and some hotel that cost like you know, it cost by an hour, and I was by myself trying to get my money right cause back this is back when you can fly a ticket air train, no boars, and I was trying to get the f ck out of the air and

Yeah, I hear it that.

It's just when you all were talking about Thanksgiving last week and like, what time did you in your family? I'm like when we did, you know, twenty five years ago, thirty plus years ago, but like we not having Thanksgiving dinner together. So I just want to affirm people out there who are not necessarily spending the holidays with their family.

Well, you always welcome here, by the way, I will share, But do you always always always at our house?

I have every place to go.

People are always like come over, but sometimes I do once, Like sometimes I do want to be but I typically go to my friend Kim Professor Kim Jones, He's a dean at Howard to shout out to her. She us being a civil engineering so I love talking to her about water conservation. But I've been going to her house for like probably the past ten years. But I'll be in New York. So I was like, I'm just pop up.

And then you got something you should I was going to tell you.

I was like, Sonny, Liza up there, so I might be at the Houstins for Thanksgiving, so we'll see or I might be on the train and just come back home. But I just want other people to know, like there are people out there who aren't doing anything but anything, you know.

I just I want to affirm that. And you actually caused me to think a lot about a different how different people show up in spaces and not everybody shows up the same way. To the question of where I find myself and withdrawal, I'll do two responses. One since since twenty you know, eighteen, and then twenty twenty and my life big inflection points I have. I have for the longest of time, ever since I can remember, been the one who's always had things together, you know, you know,

Are you okay?

And then he said fine, And I said, baby, Daddy's so sorry. I got confused of who was picking you up from camp today. I would never ever ever want to leave you anywhere, and I'm just really sorry, and his the waterfalls started just poured out, crying and when he finishes, thank you daddy. I love you, Daddy, but I was distressed for I mean a week because I felt like my kid had the feeling of abandonment because I messed it up. So I'm really concentrated. I got

We all do, Angela? Do you for your brother? Do you have space for him in your life even if you're mad at him? Do you have space for him to be in your life?

Yes, especially because it was very clear that that's what my mom wants. And it's probably foolish of me to say this, but understanding like the connection between a parent and a child. I just know, like there's there's a void that she's missing that she hasn't expressed. She's far less expressive than my dad is, and so yeah, like it's you know, it's a conversation I even have with my dad, Like listen, Mom has always said make big things small, and small things nothing, and so in my mind,

To be present. I think it'll be great for both of them.

Honestly, I think one of the biggest worries I have that I still have to yield to him is he's an adult in his own sovereignty. Is you know, how will you feel if you completely miss out on this phase of her life? And I don't think he'd ever forgive himself for that. He's very like, you know, an EmPATH who just has you know, struggled. So I just I hope that he can come around to that for his own sake. But you know, I wouldn't mind if

He said, left the conversations.

Conversation he would me has messed with me because I wouldn't notice or care.

That's so funny, you guys. Okay, So you know, there might be a family member and I'm not saying it's in my family, that there might be a family member or a friend tif of a family member who wants to make something, uh for the dinner, for the holiday dinner, and it's not tasty, but they always want to bring the thing.

And so.

Okay, Andrew said, put it on the kids table. I'm curious to know how you saw for it. Do you try to cook the thing together? Do you send recipe ideas? Do you? Bacari welcome back. Abacaris joined the story because we went thought we have he might not even your Sorry you left the conversation.

Well, while you're getting it together, I will enquiry.

Oh yeah, go ahead, tip, he'll understand what it is by it.

Okay.

So it's in the situation where somebody doesn't cook well. I have to tell you, in forty six years of holidays of friends, I've only spent holidays with black families, and I have never encountered someone who did not make something well. So I hear these stories all the time. Now people make things I don't eat, but that doesn't mean it wasn't cooked well. But my grandmother was one of the best cooked. She taught all of her sons that she had, all boys, she taught them how to cook.

I have had them.

Yeah, I real quick, tif I wanted to just black free my my cornbread dressing still got smoke turkey in it, and trying to figure out a remix for you. I will, I'll figure it out. Go ahead, a G I'm sorry, No, I said, I think you got to.

When somebody makes a bad dish, one I would ask yourself before interfering, do they know that everybody knows that this is not a good dish?

Because sometimes have you had the bad dish?

Andrew?

And what was just saying? I know, because if you if you make it to our table for thanksgiving up dish, you don't you just don't show up at people's stuff putting you bring can sodas.

Or the people in your family.

Everybody, well, yes, but everybody can't cook everything the best. Some people better.

So you have had an experience where somebody I have.

A family member who changed the type of macaroni they used for the macaroni. What do you call them? Can't even tell you the name other stuff, but but they were all kind of shapes and stuff and stuff, and it was different than the regular macro and it maybe it looked really nice in the dish, but everybody revolted.

Even taste it when it's wrong. It's not an elbow. We got a problem is nobody asked.

Made spaghetti mac and cheese.

Like you want to do.

Mom. I remember, I was like, what is this? They were like, oh, this is macrod was like, no, it's not just a spaghetti with cheese on it. I don't like that. That's disrespectful.

We've had both.

We it's never just spaghetti like somebody always does a regular mac and cheese.

And but I'm like, oh, I didn't tell you.

This must be a Midwest thing because it's another Midwest moment. Because I'm like, do not do this, guys, don't do this. This is unacceptable. I don't know why it has to be an elbow, but I need it to be an elbow.

I don't want to know.

I don't want to know.

Uh listen, I want that.

I was.

That what's the ones The elbow is good because the cheese gets in there, like the juice gets in there.

So I don't know any of these. But the mac and cheese you see, you know, regular space tables, yes, But the other stuff is you know, you might think it's pretty and and Guiata or whoever on TV you know did it, but you know, just don't bring it to Thanksgiving, Just just use it for another day.

But Kari, do you have somebody in your family that can't cook but insists on cooking? And if so, how do you deal with telling them please don't bring this back.

No, we don't play them games something Thanksgiving? You better experiment, experiment on the child's birthday. Hell, they can't tell, no difference.

But Angela, I was asking two questions. Are one. If they're aware, then maybe they're just letting you know. They don't give up, right.

I think that's in which case then you have permission not to give a But if it is the case that they are not aware, that everybody shares this opinion and you good with cousin. I would pull cousins to the side and just say, you know, those those greens, and I know you love doing them, but I just think, I think Thanksgiving is not going to be the time anymore.

And I'm wondering, if you have another dish, you.

Might They're not gonna say nothing about the greens because I make the greens.

But let me ask you all this, what about any political drama that comes up during the holiday. It's like, well, I have a cousin that voted for Trump and he decided to make an announcement about that at the last like big.

Christmas, like he was supporting Trump.

I was so outdone because it was sixty niggas in the house with matching pajamas on.

We used to have a Republican uncle.

I saw those pictures that year.

Would you say, no, we have a I have an uncle who when he you know, voted Republicans quite a bit for a number of years administrations and whatnot. And when I was younger, like middle school, high school, younger, I would like engage him, and now nobody it's I mean, hell no, and we're not having political debates.

Yeah right now, yeah, everybody sitting around talking about crazy it is. It's definitely not. Nobody's introducing the counterpoint. Nobody's talking about.

But I never said that. Watch the words.

He did.

Angie did not say that I'm to.

Go the kal home. You don't know what you know what the rocks outside they deserve kicking you, but.

You do.

You have political conversation.

Thanksgiving is easy.

The fact that here with Mary a beef story late with broke internet and you ain't.

You can't go ahead and release us with just just close us out.

First of all, First of all, with the bullying of the guys, it stopped the episode one hundred So Andrew, I got your back forever and always welcome home, y'all, come.

Home, home home.

That is, that's how, That's how you stopped somebody hand on the beef.

You just he exited the conversation, came back and exited again to.

You know, he finds really convenient.

Can I do a quick call to action for our viewers because Christmas is coming out?

So thank you.

That was on another episode, on this episode, because we're talking about beef and Christmas, Thanksgiving this past and Christmas is coming up. I do want to hear from people all the things that we talked about. So if you have a family member that makes something like, drop us a comment and let us know how you're handling.

What if you have a beef, what was the dish? What was the problem with the dish?

And how did your family handle or if there's other beef that you're anticipating this Christmas holiday. I'm just I just want to be in your business. Yeah, give us the drama. I want to hear. And on a serious note, I do want to tell people who this is. Something is happening at college campuses. And so a friend of mine was explaining to me that because of their final schedule, a lot of kids can't go home for Thanksgiving. They have to stay and so they're for young people. Anybody

Your futures are bright and ahead of you.

And I, like I said, I'll be with tamern Ers any or who knows where I'll be for Christmas.

Remember that year we flew.

To I just heard that you and uh Leticia James are gonna have a very great holiday started with Thanksgiving.

Yes, well, very good that we celebrating it with them on the other side of Thanksgiving today, and I just you know, I just I just want to tell people to make sure you resolve conflict. Life is not long, it is very short, and so make sure you get through it. Please tell us your business. We definitely told you ours, but thank you, and I hope that you all arrest on the other side of this holiday. Get it pedicure, manicure, but still make sure you ain't buying it.

On this on this Black Friday. So y'all, Welcome home.

Welcome home, Welcome home, y'all. Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership with Reason Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.