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Welcome home, y'all's it is a mini pod of Native Land. I'm here with Andrew Gillo and Angela Ry and we are already off the tage. Y'allcause too. We on this mini pod because Andrew told us this crazy story. We decided to I'll get to that, Andrew. We decided that we was going to tell the story of the craziest situation you've ever found yourself in. And so some of these stories, I'll tell your heads up. Some are going
to be clean and funny. But I'm gonna just tell you now, this is not for young kids listening when I get to my story, because it is an absolutely crazy story, So proceed with caution.
I just want to warn the parents again, do not let your kids listening.
When Tip's voice come on this podcast, cut it off.
Andrew tell us the craziest.
Well, the funny thing is is one. I actually think I had a lot of crazy stories on the trail, but it's like I've been trying to black them all out. But but there have been some crazy things that have happened, but I keep it innocent. I in a former life worked as a part fundraiser for an organization and raising money for the cause the work we were doing. And I was actually out on a visit to l A visiting with one of our donors.
You should go first, because yours go better. With tift in mine, I should have went first.
No, Mom's not.
I mean, I'm at this donor's house. We're sitting down. You know, beautiful lived in Beverly Hills, and I love her, you know, dearly, but she has you know, she's got animals, and I love animals. I think they're great. I just don't own anything thereat. But I think I'm probably less a fan of cats. I just have had for a long time this vision that they like might strike me, which actually you got cemented with this one visit that I had out in LA. And so we're sitting there,
I'm explaining the update of the program. I'm sitting on her couch. She's across diagonal to me, actually sitting in a chair, an armchair, and her cat comes from around the corner and I see it, you know, walking real, you know, like cats walk, you know, But except for me, because I'm terre like the thing, and I am, yeah, you know that this is a little it's a sexy thing, but it's it's really it's kind of scary to me. I always think they're about to pounce, so I know, I know, friend.
So so the cat comes around her, goes from her feet, and then it rounds the little coffee table and now it's to my right and I'm speaking to her to my diagonal left. And as the.
Cat starts to approach the couch and comes toward, you know, down toward my legs, she says, oh no, no, no, no, no, don't bet her. She's schizophrenic. So I'm like, schizophrenic. I'm processing a lot here. Schizophrenic cat casisphenic? Is it same like human schizophrenia, Like it can change attitudes and moods
like without noticing stuff. And then the cat goes from the floor and like effortlessly jumps from the floor to the seated part of the couch and then up the arm of the couch and is now on where you rest your head, the.
Back of the couch.
It's now approaching me from my right. But I'm supposed to be talking to her who is on my left. But I'm processing that the cat is schizophrenic, and all I can imagine is this thing is gonna fucking swipe my neck and head face when I'm turned. And it continues to come, and so I go, I don't know.
If I should pet it.
You know, And then she, you know, she calls the cat's name, and and the cat sort of you know, jumps down onto this again, the seated part. I've now stood up, and like partially stood up because I don't want to be completely awkward.
But I want to acknowledge. I'm attempting to acknowledge.
That you don't want me to pet the cat, and I'm so inclined to pet the cat, So let me just get out of the way so I don't pay.
Narrator Edit, he does not want to piss this cat trying I'm trying to do.
I really want to put that.
I want her to come and get the pet and move the pet into a room that we aren't in. But she she like does a little thing, and let's just call her Betty, Okay, Betty, Betty pain Andrew. I ain't telling because it might they might know. Betty is still now seated on the couch where my where I was seated a minute ago. And at this point I'm now sort of standing seated, but the woman hasn't come and gotten the cat yet. And then I said, you know what, it's okay if you want to take a break.
I don't mind if we take a break. So you know, Betty, you know, in case you wanted to to have Betty come with you.
And she says, oh no, no, no, she'll be fine, to be fine, to be fine.
And at this point now I'm sort of on my face, not giving relief, but like frustration, and I hurried through the rest of the story with her. I did sit down, and I kept my eye on Betty to my to my right, without looking disrespectful to the woman who I was there to meet. But I tell y'all, if if peeing on yourself a little bit almo somebody's couch was appropriate, I probably.
I mean, what do you do?
Someone says, schizophron restraint in order?
Yeah, because it'sophrenic all like, is a schizophrenic.
But underrated story is making me real hesitant to tell the story.
So and it didn't swipe me and I got out of there.
I definitely rethinking, that's my g rated I'm having second thoughts completely, yes, because all de rated ass stories. But let me here you are.
There are no studies or research that proves cats have schizophrenia.
We do not.
We cannot get inside their minds enough to know. So maybe that gives you a little bit of comfort. Not not then, Andrew, but maybe now in case you gets another one.
We got we got n man is left. Okay, I need to.
Hearty, I don't need all.
Well, we're going to go from a very g rated story to ill give it a PG. Thirteen.
Even though I was just eight, I had just taken my first communion. I was raised Catholic with my mother and my father. My dad is Baptist, but I was raised Catholic until I was in high school and started asking more questions and decided that I would go the Protestant route.
And now I go to a church, a guid in Christ Church. Nevertheless, here we go.
So the first communion second grade, my mother made me this beautiful dress. I had a pretty veil that day. I was fly down to the socks, white pat and leather shoes. And after first communion in our family, my mother's side of The family's from southern Louisiana, so Catholicism is a big deal. It's a big deal to have first Communion and you have a little after party. So we had a little after party. And speaking of cats, I had a cat growing up. His name was Tiger,
and I was trying to get Tiger. All the family was over, including my grandparents and my great aunts and uncles, and I couldn't get the cat, and so I was running after the cat and I said, come here, you little bastard.
Again.
I was in the second grade, and bastard is not something they want you to say any day, especially not on.
First communion for all the elders. So it was like a record stop.
And my dad, what did you saying? I was like, that's what you call the cat, that is the nickname.
So I didn't.
I learned that day that bastard was a bad word, at least in my family, and that that is not the appropriate name for Tiger, the cat bastard.
So the world stopped and I thought I was going.
To hall because I said a cuss word on first Communion day. But the last here we are, although we still might be in hell depending on how you look at the state of this country right now. But uh, first Communion, I got.
To be Catholic. Actually, I don't know. I don't know.
You got a bastard on Communion day?
You have comunion?
No, no, no, I'm just saying you basket day. I got a whoop band because I said the word help I heard. I heard adults.
Saying, oh, he's so helpful, she's so helpful.
So I was trying to say that somebody was being helpful, but my mother and Auntie heard it as heifa, which I had no idea what a heifa was.
You said half and I got a he helfa.
I was trying to say helpful, she helpful, he's helpful, helpful? She thought I said help her baby, but you really did say I actually said.
Very little bastard, And now the world stopped in that moment.
It's not that it's the craziest situation I've been in, but it's probably the most awkward where I felt like I disappointed the whole family and was in trouble. I really didn't know what My dad shouldn't have been calling the cannabastard that Papa ritis is your fault, shouldn't have been calling the catabastard.
Okay, they're impressionable. So now we going to graduate from p gu I mean story.
Feeling like my story is completely inappropriate for your.
Adult lives, I think you should give it.
Come on, well, because you're an instigator, so give them.
Okay.
If you've been listening with your family up until now, thinking oh, these are cute little story, now it would be the time to tell your kids this ain't this part of the story. And even if you're twenty, like, you gotta be twenty five and not maybe thirty two maybe.
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, you got to be forty plus to hear this story. Give it all right, I will tell it quickly because we're running out of time. I'm in my twenties. Uh. And you know in Washington, d C. This is where Angela and I were professionally groomed, so it's you know, there's a high standard of excellence and everything got to be on tight. So it's a very intense environment. And so we had fun when we would hang out together. And that's when you were able.
You ford's lifelong friendships, and you know, you meet people and get close. So I was friends with some young ladies. And we started talking one night about the act of fillatio.
Okay, and so I was this conversation, by the way, because she threw.
Me here, I'm not there. Angela was not there. She knows everybody who was, but she was not there. And we started talking about but like, how exactly are you supposed to do it? You know, we were in our twenties and we were like, is it like, are you like trying to get a golf ball through a water hole? You're just bobbing, and we like, what are you doing as a results? This is what I'm trying to tell y'all.
Y'all talk about community. Anyway, we did talk about kids. Yeah, so we're figuring it out and we're like, yeah, I don't really know, girl, I don't really know. We're like, you know, why, guys, we should have a party and like have a little cocktail party and we'll call it cocktails over cocktails. And so we invited like some girl girls, you know, like, Okay, we're all going to this girl's house. We're gonna have a little party, just some little silly
thing to do on a Saturday. And we're like, we should get somebody to come over, like who really knows and can like tell us all about it. We can ask all our embarrassing question. So they're like okay, great. So we're there having a good time and the person who was supposed to come like this doesn't show up. It's like eleven o'clock and you know, it was past
my bedtime. So the party dying down, some people leave, it's like five or six of us left, and then someone knocks at the door and this woman comes in with a massage table and a man walks in behind her, and we were really clear this is a girl's only gathering. So the guy comes in and we're all like trying to like we're nervous at this point.
At this point, what like we.
Got like we had like higher bartenders, like it was an all girl shabag. So he's literally the only man there and we're all like why is he here? Like what's happening? And so she he says, is there a place where I can go get changed? And we're all like okay, And also these people look pretty familiar to us, but we can't quite place it. But it's dc, so you know, everybody look familiar there, but we've they're like
we've seen them in the spots before. Okay. So the girl comes out and she's now like in a little neglige and the guy is nude, okay, and she proceeds to then give us a life instruction.
You guys, she.
Was verbally talking through it and performing. Okay. But I am so uncomfortable because not now.
Okay.
I want you to know before, before I told this story, I gave them a previous said I just want you to know my story is gonna be about this. They said, no, tell no one.
You was gonna be like you went to a porn concert.
Okay, can I just tell you? So I'm so uncomfortable. We're sitting there and I because it gets quiet of course when when she can't speak because he's making it to night and so right, and so I am like, okay, okay, let me just finish this. So I'm little me didn't finish the story. And then I answer all questions, please hold thank you. So I'm trying to like talk through it because it's so we are all like literally petrified, like we are frozen looking at this like what the
hell is happening? And so I'm trying to talk through it because it's like awkward silence, and I'm like, okay, so you're okay, You're you're grabbing there and you're touching there. And finally one of my friends was like, Manchael, you stop narrating. We can see what's happening trying, and I was like, I'm sorry, I'm so uncomfortable. I don't know
what to do. So this happens. She finishes. Yes, yes, everybody finishes, and then they and they're like, okay, any questions tons the first, third and last question little journalists right here, because.
I had question and last questions.
I asked them, had they ever done anything like this before?
Yeah?
Like do y'all like publicly the host of the event?
Yes, this was the Constitution.
Yes, not really, it's not really politicians. Well I don't know the payment part. But what we concluded is like, oh, ship you guys. You know how we know these people? They work on Capitol Hill. One was a delegate and one worked on Capitol Hill. We were like, oh my one was it? Yes, of a political party and that's all I'm going to say about identities, but it was why. And then honestly they got dressed, they left, and we are like, it's like after you went so crazy, there
are literally no work. But we didn't even have a conversation about it that night. We all just got up and walked out, since let's just go home. I don't we have never had as the one girl who hosted, she and I talked about it, like, oh my god, that was the craziest shit. Can you believe that that was the craziest scenario I have ever found myself.
To know that they were fierce professionals about what they did the right That's what I'm like.
These were like working professionals who had careers and jobs, and they were sexually uninhibited, and you know, they were like they were not shy about you know, they were like, yeah, so this is what's what and is what it is?
The moonlight?
I mean, well, I guess I don't even know that they were doing it for the money. I think it was like, yeah, y'all want our time, like this is what it is, because whatever it was, none of us had money like that, so we were having them. But it was right. I think it was a level of exhibitionism, Like you know, they were a couple. They were like a, yes, this was her boyfriend, this was her boyfriend, and they were like, yo, okay, y'all wanted to learn how to
do some things. Let me show you how to do okay, Well, I really don't appreciate telling this story. If you talking about a cat and Angela talking about communion, I okay.
I thought you were saying that this was going that something happened at an event and it was gonna be like heard on the Hill kind of scooped.
I didn't know that we was going to be dropped into a two B porno. I didn't know.
I'm sorry, you know what, I don't want I don't want to air this episode.
You know what, like this entire episode space We're just mortified.
But you know, my most awkward story is one time when I was little, I said hell in front of my Now she's going, you're going bletschizophrantico to okay our defense. I saw a job.
Before we started this episode, I couldn't think of anything, and I wanted to tell the Steph's favorite story that I tell about being anyway.
But I told y'all what the story was about, y'all gonna be at an event.
I didn't know that y'all was talking event.
I was this is probably two thousand and six.
Maybe inside right now, I think you were just.
Saying that because I told her who before we started.
My stomach is like, well, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you because I know the person. Yeah, he was a HOUCHI, he was a huccie.
I don't know anything.
Bad about him.
I don't know, but we thank him for volunteer.
Conversation I tried to do.
This is not the podcast I listen with your kids. This is the craziest situation I found myself.
The craziest situations we want to hear about him.
Hopefully they're a little less x rated than tips version and maybe a little bit just.
Tell my stories.
It's a cross generations that it's across of.
The range of from to car trade it.
You get all things on Native lamp Pod because you are home.
So we welcomed you home, y'all, welcome home.
Speaking of these two and yes, we're just glad that you didn't participate in the act.
The cats in all their forms that should be the cats and dogs welcome.
Native lamp Pod is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership with Reason Choice Media. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.