I'm Afraid Too...

Maybe there's also the assumption that I'm not afraid to be judged because I put it out there, but that's all not true. I'm practiced in those things and on some level everything's easier and that doesn't eliminate the experience of being afraid. Thank you for tuning in your consciousness to the Naked Human podcast. I want to acknowledge your presence and what it took for you to be here today listening.

My intention for you is that you receive what you came here for and find what you didn't know you needed. This podcast is about what it means to be a human being and what it really means to be naked and how our relationship with Mother Nature has the power to heal us. My name is Cari Cai and I'm a new to nature photographer, licensed physician of Chinese medicine plant guide and wild woman embodiment mentor.

I help women heal from sexual trauma, awaken their authentic voice, and distinguish between fear and intuition so they can be led by their deep feminine heart. I bring to life in this podcast my own internal wisdom. I will only share what I've learned and experienced on a personal level. As you listen, I encourage you to take from this what you need and just trash the rest. So happy listening. I know you're afraid. I'm afraid too.

I'm not sure if the human experience is possible without ever experiencing fear because there's endless edges. Endless. And by endless, I mean infinite, endless, never ending. All the ways to say growth edges keep coming and I want to make it known that I'm just fucking like you. I don't know, maybe this is just some story I made up. And sometimes, maybe often I think people think that because of the work that I do that I'm just like completely comfortable.

Firstly, being naked all the time, or maybe that's firstly. And lastly, that I have zero body shame, that I just love every part of my body, that I have no qualms whatsoever about being naked. Maybe, maybe there's an assumption that easy to be vulnerable, and maybe there's also the assumption that I'm not afraid to be judged because I put it out there. But that's all not true.

I'm practiced in those things and on some level everything's easier and that doesn't eliminate the experience of being afraid. And so while I'm steeped in this space and offer events and retreats and online spaces and this podcast as a space to be naked in all the ways, I sometimes forget that it's hella scary for you or that it can be, you know, I just Think about, you know, if you're listening and. You'Ve.

Been wanting to come to a retreat or you're curious or you want to do photo shoots or be a part of video shoots or groups, join these events and you're just not quite there yet. Like, I know it's scary. That's uncomfortable.

It's. It can be so uncomfortable to be completely naked, exposed, in an environment with other women. Maybe some women you know, and maybe no one that you know. And being with women is really vulnerable. And we all have sister wounds. We've all, ugh, had these gnarly experiences with women. Oof. Burned, threatened, outcast, denied, rejected. I mean, just all the typical shit, right? Laughs it's one thing to explore being naked on your own, and it's another to be in the space with women.

We all have this inner perfect woman. She's just a voice, and she. She has a lot of opinions about what it means to be perfect. And we're never her, never. And obviously. Well, maybe not obviously, but I'm gonna communicate this, that if things I'm saying don't resonate with you, then fucking. You don't have to pick it up. It doesn't have to be true for. Just wanted to note that there. And if they do, great, you're in good company. So there's this inner perfect woman, and we're never her. Right?

She is the best woman that exists on the planet, and she also doesn't exist in any other woman. But we all have this inner critic, and it's a unique one biologically in how it manifests for women. And she's the perfect woman. And she would be able to, you know, have it all and do it all and be it all and be so perfect all the time. And she wouldn't forget something important to her kids. And she would always give the best blow jobs and she would always express her emotions every single moment.

And she would always be able to have an orgasm. And, gosh, she would be thinner and taller or shorter or have clearer eyes or fuller lips or thinner lips or have a bigger butt or a smaller butt. And she would just basically be so fucking perfect.

And so, you know, knowing that we all have one of these and we're walking around with her chattering away, yeah, that would be scary to be with a bunch of other women, especially because sometimes we think that other perfect woman is someone else and then she's gonna fucking judge us because we're not perfect. But she is. How she looks is perfect. Who she is is perfect. Everything Happening for is fucking perfect. And so there can be this fear of being judged, being judged by other women.

Sidebar.

That judgment is actually about ourselves, because we're fucking judging ourselves in that way. We're thinking these thoughts. We're ashamed of these parts of ourselves. And if we expose ourselves, if we're seen in this way, it occurs as if we're afraid of being judged by others. But really, it's like. Like not wanting to be with that within ourselves. Like, yeah, I don't want to have to deal with that. I'm afraid of being judged by other people. So I'm not going to do that.

It might actually be. I believe it is. Is I don't want to be with the pain and the discomfort of having to face that fear, so to say, to look at that part of myself. Because I've been, you know, doing a good job, or I think I'm doing a good job of keeping that stuffed away, locked in that closet. And, you know, if I get naked and I'm with these other women, I'm gonna have to be with this, or I'm gonna have to be with this, or this is gonna be there, because it's here.

And if I go there, then I do this. There it is. That's fucking scary. It is so scary. Terrifying, really. And it's hard to do that alone. Ironically, every other woman who's there in the environment, she has her own version of that. No matter how many times she's been there, like, to the event or got naked in groups or whatever. The thing is, there's always a new layer. And the thing, for whatever reason that we're dealing with, we think we're the only ones.

I mean, I'm blown away by that pretty frequently. Like, whoa, you feel that too? You experience that too? It's like I need to make sure I'm constantly reminded. And there's some songs I listen to, one that's popping, and it's like, we all bleed the same blood. Our fears are all our fears. Like, we have all the same fears.

Maybe they're not always exactly the same fears at the same exact fucking time, but, like, the experience of being afraid and uncomfortable and dealing with something like that's just human. And so remembering being reminded that every single woman in that space has fears, too, and has things that she is bumping up against, whether they exactly look like what you're bumping up against in that moment or not. Maybe she's been there, maybe she'll be there again, but she's there.

Bumping up against something, too. She's there leaning into something that's hella uncomfortable, too. Hell, every time I facilitate something, like, there's new edges for me, too. Mo is moving into new spaces on all these different aspects. Like, even though I'm the conduit of creation of these events, I'm still having my human experience and moving through personal. I mean, it's all personal.

Moving through my own layers, my own shame, my own emotional shame and body shame and judgments and fears. And that's okay. That's okay that you're afraid. You're definitely not alone in that. And there's so much societal opinions and rules and judgments and shame about being naked. And it just really fucking grinds my gears because it's just like, our bodies are what it means to be human. Like, these are our vessels here.

And the fact that there's so much about, like, the bareness of our bodies grinds my fucking years. It's like, damn. It's like, not okay to be as you are as a human being.

And I believe that is why going into the portal of nudity, especially surrounded in natural beauty, in our natural world, is so incredibly potent and powerful. It's literally going into the portal, into the place where those parts of ourselves are repressed. We go into the portal to illuminate this place within ourselves, this part of ourselves.

It's like I'm getting this image of, like, imagine going into a portal, going into a space, into a door, and you walking in, and you opening this door, and all this light starts to illuminate, and you find yourself, maybe it's a younger version of you. And you reach out your hand to this part of you, and you connect your hand with this version of you, this part of you. Maybe you see something on your own that magically happens, but there's an emergence emerging together that happens.

And the illumination and all this light is here. You've come for yourself. And then you're like, wow, that seemed way more scarier on the other side of this, because that's how that goes, right? But now that you've entered the room and you've walked in and you've connected, something has become brighter. More of your light has returned. More of you exist within you. You have more access now, and something within you has freed up. And like I said, that's. That's how fear works, right?

On one side, the, like, this is really fucking scary. I don't want to do that. Oh, my gosh. And for a moment there, I thought, maybe that sounds A little mocking, but, like, that's. I mean, I know what it's like. That's what it fucking feels like. I don't. You know? And then we do it. And there's a big difference between growth. Edge fear and fear of like, no. This is a fucking no for me. No fear. This is a no for me. Like, do not go here. There's something off here, whatever that is.

Your intuition saying, no, don't go there. That's not the place for me. Certainly not right now.

And then there's the growth edge fear. It's fucking scary. But there's something. Something's like, calling you. And if you're listening to this, it's because there's growth edge fear. Growth edge fear is like, yeah, like, I. Something here is speaking to me and there's something available here, and I'm terrified. And I'm going to offer you something, something that's really potent and powerful to support that fear. That. That part of you that's fucking terrified is to acknowledge that it's.

I like to do this thing where I literally will, like, stop, physically just stop and be like, I'm afraid. I'm scared, and call it out. I usually, like, have a conversation with my. Myself as my inner bearing, inner bearing, inner being. Like, hey, I'm really scared. This feels really fucking scary. I'm scared to do this and I want to do it. But there's. I'm like, terrified. And then I usually ask for help from spirit, from the earth, from the plants, from myself. Like, please help me.

Please help me go to the website and click register and pay and fill out my intake form and work out whatever it takes for me to fucking get there or whatever the scenario is and stop and acknowledge that you're afraid. It's so powerful. Our awareness and our acknowledgment is so incredibly powerful. It has the ability to move mountains literally within ourselves.

And I said this in another episode, and maybe you've heard me say this before, but there are so many aspects of ourselves where, like, we want to be, like, heard and seen. And it's because we're not hearing and seeing ourselves. And when we can just take a moment, I mean, just like literally just a moment, a minute, and acknowledge that we're afraid of something and what's really happening. It's huge.

And having many moments where we just pause and acknowledge whatever's happening and we create some space for that huge.

So if you've been listening and you've been curious and interested in coming to one of my events in person and having this real, raw, vulnerable, exposing experience. And I say exposing in the way of, like, being seen and revealing and, and there's fear there. There's growth, edge fear. Know that you're not alone and that what can help you, what can help you become more ready to being ready to being ready is acknowledging the fear that exists. And you can also send me a message.

You can book a discovery call with me, or you can work with me privately and I can support you in being ready. And begin with the acknowledgement, because I'm fucking afraid too. And until next time, we are complete. Thank you for tuning your consciousness to this episode of the Naked Human. However you find yourself, whether it's relieved, enlightened, triggered, or as if the past minutes were a complete waste of your time, it's perfect.

Be present to it and allow it to be the medicine you need. I welcome your feedback and heartfelt reflections of how this episode impacted you. You can share with me online@thenakedhumanpodcast.com and if you're feeling called for a more personalized experience, experience into your nakedness. I invite you to join our community of wild women in person or online. You can find more specifics@thenakedhumanpodcast.com and until next time, bye.