Embracing Growth through Betrayal and Heartbreak

I'm sure you all know them , and if you don't , you gotta get to know them , but we are here to talk about possessing feelings of betrayal . Oh my gosh , how do we even begin to unpack that ?

It starts when we're little , right , when the first friend takes the ball and says I no longer want to play with you . We are hurt then , but we're too young to understand how to safely navigate that right . And if adults that hold our hands through it also don't know how to safely navigate that , we do what we see right .

So then we become the adolescent and the adult that has always had an issue with the feeling of betrayal , which then leads to the feeling of abandonment . And all along we've probably just outgrew the space or the person or the thing or the place , and sometimes , when people leave or the thing that hurts happens .

The door that closed needed to close in order for you to thrive , and we don't always see it while we're in it . Oh , yes , we don't always see it while we're in it , but when the door closes it's not to suffocate us because windows pop open , it is to cut us out from the thing that's preventing us from thriving . Does that make sense ?

These personality traits that we have created or have adapted to or are accustomed to , and I think it's important to remember that betrayal , the definition of betrayal , is basically a violation of our trust and our confidence right .

And I think too , you know , there's seems to be a lot more betrayal when it comes to even a moral standard right , which can be different , can vary from person to person .

So I just wanted to mention that because I think that , for me personally , i struggle with betrayal so much because of my childhood and the things that happened to me , and sometimes it's hard for me to get beyond feeling betrayal as well as really deciphering . was that really betrayal that that individual was trying to do , or did they know they were doing it ?

So that's my ad at this juncture .

And so if somebody hurt me in such a way as a child and my response was to go into anxiety mode , then quite frankly that's probably how I'm dealing with it as an adult , because every time I deal with that situation again it just brings back that hurt , the feelings , the anxiousness , and I just go into panic mode And we have to retrain our brains on how

to not go into that mode again , and that's not easy , it is not .

So you're taught to be vulnerable enough to make friends but not really taught how to navigate if that , that you want to go be vulnerable to be friends and it meets with I don't want to be your friend the wall of the rejection , the initial feeling of betrayal , the first time somebody says I don't want to play with you .

But we're taught to be vulnerable , put yourself out there , go make friends . So that memory starts super early .

And then , as we become adults , and especially in the chronic illness world , we have a harder time allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with people out of fear that they will see the illness and not us as a person , and then throw the illness back at us later , like it's too heavy for me to be your friend because you never go anywhere , you're always sick , or

this is always your reason to not want to do , or you can't really be that sick because I saw you doing X , y and Z , because you get the 15 second picture , perfect version of what a nice moment of my life looks like . Because we don't always choose to highlight or show the dark , but every day , every moment of the day , our body feels the dark .

We just choose to be intentional , to not let it always consume us .

Danielle's hiking a mountain and she's super happy all the time , something that I choose because I have lived in the monotony as well as the negativity of the world that surrounds chronic illness .

I feel sorry for me mentality And , as I kind of addressed last week in a daily dose , when I talked about how individuals can be a part of emotionally destroying somebody And I was talking about something completely different , but I mentioned my infusion , and so people mostly think I was probably talking about the fact that I had just gone through an infusion and

very little people showed up during that right , which is often . I've gotten used to that , though , so it doesn't really hurt me like it used to because of my life , and not a lot of people are going to understand it .

And not a lot of people are going to understand how I deal with my pain , which is , if I'm in a lot of pain , i'm going to choose movement right . That's my pain And because without it I can't get out of that pain .

So an adult betrayal , i think , hurts so much worse because as an adult we understand so much more and we see so much more , and I know for me right now it's a big struggle for me to get over that little hill of feeling so betrayed by someone who I thought was my friend , you know . So , andy , i'm just going to clear that up for me today .

We just don't listen to our intuition . Right , and a lot of the times , as the things are happening , the things that are happening is the intentional overstepping of a boundary you have already put into place And you put the boundaries there to protect your space , your mental health space , your physical well-being .

The boundaries are there and if you're in a relationship dynamic , whereas a mutual respect of said boundaries , anytime that boundary is violated , it was an intentional act on either person's part , right . So sometimes it's an error of communication , but oftentimes it's not . It's the intentional act to overstep a boundary .

Right , like , like Andy , listen , i love you And you know , i like our friendship . But here's where I'm at today and I have to almost set a boundary right Like we don't do that right Very rarely do our boundaries discussed with people .

And so when I talk , when I'm talking about a stated boundary or like a spoken truth boundary , these are boundaries that I think are common sense , right ?

They're like okay , i'll give you some space , right , but then on the other side of the no , as a complete sentence and a boundary , it's you never want to talk about anything . Then that person's not safe for you . That's an out to space , because they don't understand that you yourself need processing time .

How can you effectively communicate with somebody else how you're feeling if you never have time to process how you're feeling , true ? So sometimes the boundaries never have to be said . A simple no is in fact a boundary .

situation because I can't . I sometimes it's just too much for me , but I'm also very capable of expressing my needs , right , and spoken needs also . There , within our spoken needs , there is a boundary formed as well , right ? I mean , you know , you tell somebody this is what I need from you .

I need space at times , i need to be able to go , work out , i need you know , so it's , so there's

.

I mean , we could go in so many different directions with this and I don't want to do that , and so I don't want to cloud things or anything like that , but I'm just trying to figure out when people , you know , getting back on the betrayal part and knowingly feeling so hurt from somebody betraying you and really trying to process your feelings around that so you

can get out of that . I can't believe they did this . I can't believe they did this , which is what we do all the time and it's really it's . It's just moving past it , i think , and which is a real struggle for me at the moment .

could I then , even if I never , ever verbally express the boundary to begin with , right , the unspoken boundaries , as you can tell when someone visibly uncomfortable . If you choose to continue and you can tell that the person is visibly uncomfortable , you violated the second non-spoken boundary because you see that they're visibly uncomfortable . That's an intentional act .

But in processing the betrayal , you ask yourself what could I have done differently ? to have stood up for me more ? right , and if all of the things you're like , maybe I could have , okay , don't beat yourself up for it , because you know going forward in order to protect myself .

Right , and boundaries are for everyone , right , boundaries are for everyone , and people , just like you're always throwing boundaries . The boundaries is to protect you and me , like I'm protecting you from what it looks like to be on isolation Island , or me snapping you getting like the , the rural version and not the bubbly Andy . Like I .

I'm protecting you , but if you so choose to continue to overstep the reaction you get from me , if it hurts you , you asked for , like , you knocked on the door and you came in here for it because I now know how to safely navigate emotions within myself and so , but it didn't take . It took , i want to say it took .

The biggest , most heartbreaking betrayal for me started while I was on active duty , right , the military doesn't necessarily really care that you don't feel well , and they care even less when you're a woman . So , as I'm going through the different things popping up , the Air Force was not that .

Air Force medicine was not good to me , immune systems shutting down right , and they're throwing stuff at it , and someone that was supposed to protect me . My supervision started the rumor that I was faking , and then I went through that for years .

I was the one that just didn't want to be at work , i didn't want to go to PT , i didn't want to do things , but I was also the one that was also always active and that went on for years .

And then 2020 happened and for months , up until March 10th , i was like something doesn't seem right and I'm going back and forth to the doctor and they're like whatever , she just doesn't want to be at work . Sudden cardiac arrest .

When they looked back in my charts , all of the things I kept saying was happening was happening and that could have been prevented . The portrayal was then you're too young to have had a heart attack . There's no way that they had to bring those paddles out , okay . And I spent so much time angry at that betrayal .

What I realized is that there's layers to that and one day you're like I'm good and the next day you're not , because you're gonna see a trigger or something's gonna remind you of the thing . It requires patience , navigating . It requires patience , not with the person that betrayed you , but with yourself as you go through the nonlinear healing .

It's gonna be a yo-yo , the self-reflection of the did I really do something to deserve that ? the answer to that is always no . You never did something to deserve that . No one ever does something to deserve that right , and it takes the commitment to understand that .

We're gonna have those moments where we're gonna instantly feel like it was us , but it's not always I agree right , because in reality , there are always , there is always .

And until you feel safe that door doesn't open and sometimes that door never opens again and it's to keep you safe . And you realize , once that door closed and that that person placed her thing left , you're actually happier and probably less stressed , less overwhelmed and just at peace within yourself .

You realize that maybe you attached yourself to that particular relationship out of fear of being alone or having to process or walk something alone .

But if the person that you're walking it with isn't safe for you , y'all both walking off the same cliff , y'all both walking off the same emotional class so I often choose when someone has revealed to me who they are .

fix this , i can help make you happy because I made myself happy , i could totally help make you happy .

And then you realize that sometimes they have to actually intentionally want to change and those conversations get darker and darker and darker and we kind of get sucked into the emotional downfall of the dark conversations that we ingest and we start to think is it me when they start getting snippy and things start getting weird ?

it's like , did I do something to you when you never really did so ? if you ever had to second guess yourself in a relationship dynamic and go and it's more than once did I do something to you ? because people are entitled to bad moments and bad days , right , but if more often than not you have to look at it and go , what is your deal ?

did I do something to you ? and you know that you didn't . The net space has always been an outer space . It was never an even . It was never an even plan filled . It had always been a relationship dynamic of opportunity in some sort right that , oh that , and that hits me , that hits me right there .

I run a construction company and I'm active in , you know , in it , i speak , i run this nonprofit , i do bodybuilding , i'm hiking the mountain , you know , and I'm constantly handing out my stickers and you know , so I create , really .

I I literally run into people wherever I go , and it appears , though , it appears that people get a sense of me right away because I'm super authentic , right , i mean , you hear me speak . People can be very , very in tune with that . I'm like , oh my gosh , and they love that about me and that's who I want to be .

It's completely authentic , and I think some people get shocked about some of the stuff I say at times , but it's my truth and I do live in my truth , but I feel what it also does is allow people to see more into me than I probably should be letting them see , because there's oh , there , there , it appears it feels like people come to me because there is an

opportunity for them . Right , right , like , oh , if I can get Danielle on my side , oh well , maybe she can come over and do a remodel for me and , you know , won't charge me very much money . Or or maybe if I need a medical bill paid , she can do that for me . You know , and it's because of my , i want to help .

So I just find that very interesting that you , you , made that correlation there with the opportunity , and and again it goes back to the whole discernment thing , right ?

anymore .

It could be something just completely ridiculous and you can overlook it perhaps , but but trial has layers , just like your heart is an orbit , and they just get further and further away from your center until you close that door . That's the isolation island .

Once you're on that island , it means that you can take this boat and cruise somewhere else and be okay , because if I spend more time not okay , then I do okay in this relationship dynamic .

Or if I'm losing sleep and I spend more time up thinking about or replaying a conversation like am I the a-hole , then it was time for me to divorce that relationship anyway , right ?

so when you're , when you're looking at your and Jen has heard me here say this a lot when you're looking at the spaces that you go in and the dynamics that you create with people I use the acronym ouch is this open ? is it understanding ? is it compassionate ? is this going to be healing ? if the answer to any of those . Is it open ? nope .

Is it understanding ? nope . Is it compassionate ? nope . Is this a healing space ? nope , it's not a safe space . That is an ouch space .

One of any of those four makes it an ouch space for you , and until they can walk into that space or you can walk into that space where you no longer need a band-aid , there's no more little ousies is no longer ouch for you , then you can reopen that door , because the most important part of the equation is you and you can't give or be for you or anybody

else if all you give in B is an ouch spaces .

But then there are those minds that are either sneaky and how they're doing it , or , even worse , the ones that start as a friend and it's all good meaning . What advice can you give ? can you help me with that ? can you do this for me ? and then , before you know it , they're not giving anything , they're not serving you in any way .

There's not really a friendship there . It's turned into that opportunist thing . I've been there , i've been there and we we have to be so , so careful to protect our own hearts , and that's so not easy , because there are people out there that they are looking to dig their way in somehow and take advantage and that's where discernment comes back in .

right , it's the discernment to know that not everybody right out the gate is supposed to have that level of access . They got to earn that , and that takes a minute . Yeah , they have to earn it , and that takes a minute and so something just happened you pause for a second and you go .

This started off regardless of how it ends , right , if the intent on your part was always genuine . Although it may suck or hurt to close the door , once you realize that your genuineness was not equally matched or met with genuine , once you get that feeling , it's okay to go . This is not safe for me and I can no longer be in here , right ?

I can no longer be in this dynamic because it's not safe for me . And when I started doing that , my mental health drastically improved . Like I battle depression and anxiety , and I still battle depression and anxiety , and I know that if I don't close doors on things that are not emotionally safe for me , it's a domino effect .

My family suffers , my business suffers and I'm up crying , everyone else asleep like the person that did the offense , the person that did the betrilus , sleeping like a baby . We're carrying the weight of an intentional act on their part and they're sleeping like babies and so in that moment you're like it's okay that I had to close that door , it's okay .

And Andy , i just want to say that your delivery is so good , you know , so I really I value being here .

So one of the things that last week in therapy my therapist had me leave with is a very interesting term , and she said this week , when you are asked , if anything is asked of you , i need for you to internally say to yourself how does that benefit me ? yep , and I'm like , i'm not comfortable . That sounds so narcissistic .

And she says , no , this is , this is the process that I need you to do . So anything , you know , it's also as well as very concentrate , hone in on energy and effort that are asking things of you , the push hole that's for real .

I love you but , right , i want you to thrive , but I want you to succeed . But this is a safe space , except it never comes with stipulations . It never comes with stipulations . So Jen and I were talking about opportunities and like how to , if it was , if it didn't start off that way and it became that way and of course there's gonna be like you're hurt .

I was telling Jen I'm like in this case , and I've had this happen , if you go into that relationship dynamic and you know you went in with genuine intent and it was all good will , right , all good energy on your end and you and it then it fizzles out . You realize that your energy is not being matched . You're being pulled away from peace .

Right , it's okay to close that door . It's okay to close that door because why would you want to be first pulled further away from peace ? and although relationships are work , they're not 40 hours a week , work in a safe race , right ? you shouldn't be going to sleep playing back conversations and thinking am I the butthole or did I do something ?

is this is really ? is it me ? you shouldn't be playing back conversations up at night and crying because the person who did the offense is probably sleeping like a baby . The person who did whatever emotional dumping , because they're used to being able to emotionally dump . Here's my problem . I'm not gonna really ask you what your problem is , but here's my problem .

Gotta go talk to you later . Deuces and because we want to fix it , we're now up processing their problem . What do we do with the list of things that we needed to process for us ? so when your therapist said , how does this serve me ? how does it serve me ? how does this make me better ? how does this help me grow ? is this the literally ?

is this gonna drain my battery to where I can't deal with my stuff , to where I can't choose me , my mental stability and my emotional health . If me taking on your stuff now keeps me from being able to do my stuff , that's not okay .

And if for them to think that it's selfish for you go gotta take a knee on this one , then that meant they were never safe , they really weren't a person of opportunity and as long as you were fixing their problem , you were always gonna be fixing their problem , because they didn't have to discern it to seek ways to fix it themselves .

And then we choose to stay in that dynamic because we're helping right and helping hearts want to help and we stay there , we stay there and we stay there and then one day something happens that makes us realize hold on at some point , the warm exchange , the handhold . You're now a teenager . In the , the handhold game you can cross the street by yourself .

You just choose not to , and as long as I never let you cross the street without me holding your hand , you will always hold my hand .

And sometimes you're holding my hand is what's weighing me down , and when you can be honest with yourself and go how many rocks that I put in my pocket that no longer need to be there , you feel a whole lot lighter when you start emptying out those pockets that's right , getting rid of those where reciprocity doesn't exist , that part , that part .

Yeah , i'd let go of a lot of relationships from people I've known for many double digit donkey years because I realized that that dynamic was never a healthy dynamic for me . It was just a safe space . It was safe for me because it was familiar , not because it was ever actually safe .

It was safe because it was familiar , not because it was a genuinely safe space where I could grow and evolve . What I realized was , all we ever did was talk about all of the bad stuff . It was always a problem and never hey I'm doing this as a solution . It was never a hey how you doing . It was more so hey how you doing .

I need Hey , you're good , cool . I was wondering if you could help . When it became a rush through not actively listen to how I'm doing I knew it was time for me to start taking steps back , because you don't just throw out how you're doing and move into another sentence .

Right , there's a pause there where you wait for a response and it's not hey how you doing , bam , share this . It's hey how you doing , and that hey how you doing . The response isn't supposed to be shared with the world .

It was you being vulnerable with the person that asked And the minute that that response with that person got out of that person's mouth to someone else that you didn't share your story with , it's your story to tell . So , for every time somebody else tells your business , that was supposed to be your safe , vulnerable space .

That is them initially showing you them at face value And it wasn't a slip of the tongue . And if they will come to you to talk about someone else , they will talk about you to someone else . You are not the one off where you're the golden child and no one will say anything .

If they will come to you with someone else's mess , they will bring you up in some mess to somebody else .

No , I think you can build genuine friendships , not even face to face in person . But I'll tell you , move away . Move away from where you live and see how genuine the friendships you had in person are .

I've met people on my platform that I thought were my really dearest , dearest friends , and these are people that obviously were at arm's length They're in a different state or whatever And people I've supported financially , like , oh , i'll just put an example of it I sent a TV to somebody's house And continued to sponsor events or do nice things .

And when I met the person in person and one of my big one of the things I'll never do again is I will never allow somebody I've never met before to stay at my house , never Mark my words , because challenging things is I thought that our values aligned and understanding aligned , compassion aligned , empathy , all of those things aligned .

Because , again , this was a relationship that I created and went on for years , only to feel like , when they got to my space , that there were even some conversations that occurred where it was , where , almost like they wanted that opportunity , if you know what I mean Like , oh , i can't afford that .

And then next thing , you know , something didn't go right , for you know , one evening or maybe they overheard something , and the next day I leave the residence to go and do something and then come back and they have left . Yeah , so , and then , when I held them accountable via a text , they had blocked me After they had stayed at my house for a week .

I had made all these arrangements , these events , doing these lovely things for them at no cost to them , mind you . To be treated like I was basically nothing .

That to me is , there was a little form of betrayal there , as well as the opportunistic , you know , with no explanation , mind you , not really an explanation And , quite frankly , yeah , i shut that door because I'm like how dare you come into my home ? I'm like , what's the matter ?

Okay , how dare you do this behavior when just the day before , it was really interesting , though , because the day before , the woman states that if she sees something that somebody doesn't like or that she doesn't agree with , she exits right away . Okay , that was a conversation that was had .

And then the next day , this woman makes a decision , which I thought was in just poor judgment and poor haste as well , as I felt like , well , i felt a little betrayed , but I also felt used to take an advantage of And and I , till this day , i , yeah , that door shut , like I'm sorry , like you don't act like you don't act like a child and and we didn't

even have a disagreement , nothing Like I had . I had to go to training , i mean , it was just unbelievable .

And the thing is , is that if I , if I all own my shit , but I also , if I was , if that was me , the role was reversed And maybe if something made me uncomfortable that happened within the roof of the house , the home , i would say , hey , i would wait , i would have a personal , one-on-one conversation with somebody , looking eye to eye , and I would express ,

hey , this is how I like again , it's , it's this unknown of . Like , are you kidding ? Like , um , and so yeah , again another reason why I don't hand out my phone number , but another reason why I wouldn't let anybody stay with me again either .

I can't do it or no , i can't help you pay your bills or no , i won't do whatever the no was for you , then you start to notice that these ripples are getting a little bit more aggressive right , and the ripples are getting bigger and the attitudes are getting even bigger .

Okay , i agree , feel how I want to feel with the puffy chest over there , and then I'm going to be over here minding my business and keeping all of my funds in my pockets .

It is not a for-profit situation And I do think in the most part I do have pretty good discernment And I've had a number of followers dropping to my DMs requesting money , asking for things , and I know right away where that's from . I also can tell by their platform if they're not actually working to be better , if you know what .

If they slide into my DMs nine times out of 10 , before I respond to them , and if I don't know them , i go and look at what they're about first . But yeah , there's a lot of people that I've had to block , you know , because that were late . They just wanted something And I knew it right away .

But then there's those other ones , like you guys were just talking about those opportunists that might take you a little bit to discover . I mean , again , the relationship that I have with this one woman was like three plus years .

There was a lot of support going in that direction And you know again , and it lasted for that season , which is lengthy , but yeah , now it's like never again Done , you know , and I move on .

You don't even want to revisit it and that might be selfish of me to not even if the person did try to reach out to me to kind of express months later why they did what they did . But I think what they did and how they did , it was so big that , especially because I'm going to tell you right now , i don't let anybody come into my home .

This is my private space And it is very sacred to me . So to feel abused and to feel used and abused within my sacred space although you know I think forgiveness is very important doesn't mean that I have to open that door again and be like , oh okay , well , i completely understand why you did what you did .

then I just I don't know And that maybe that's wrong of me in a way . you know .

So that's my first one . And then if all it has is a bunch of weird emojis like flags , and says 21 years old , haughty , or something like that , and then the pictures are all like pearls and bikinis , i'm going to remove you .

Okay , the next one is if I'm looking at it and it doesn't even look like it's your pictures and it looks like pictures stolen from many sites , i'm going to remove you .

I interview my clients like they interview me . I cap my gross volume at 1.5 million a year And basically I'm out there building quality work , not quantity , like again it's . I have

to make money . Yes , i run a business , but it's not about money to me , as it is really , you know , putting forth the quality as well as managing client expectations .

So , and in that area of my life I have struggled with discernment , because there have been times when I've taken a job because I needed to slot something , even though inside I knew I shouldn't have taken the job . I felt it in my gut . I would tell the client I just don't think we're the right fit . Then the client would be like , well , wait a minute .

No , I really want a woman to build my project , i really want this to happen , and yet it bit me in the ass . So , and as far as as the nonprofit goes .

You know , i do get approached a lot with different organizations who want me to back a product , who you know and then I tell them I'm happy to try your product as long as everybody on my platform gets it for free . So and then you know for a fact that they don't . That's not what their goal is . But I'm still learning .

You know , i'm learning in the nonprofit world and I'm learning because , you know , with other organizations that are raising money , which is why I try not to ask for money , because I feel like constantly that is what's being asked of me from other organizations . So I'm learning , i'm learning . I'm learning in my personal relationships .

I struggle with discernment a lot because I think , ultimately , we all want to be valued , we all want to be loved , we all want to be appreciated And you know , people will . People will come and tell me first thing Oh , my God , i absolutely love you .

I'm like , well , thank you , but you don't even really know me , you know , and so , yeah , yeah , girl , i don't have it down And I'll be the first one to say I don't have it down at all . I'm really struggling , but I do think it is important to listen to our guts our intuition .

If something doesn't feel right about a relationship , then step away , you know ? or why don't you just be a witness ? right , be a witness ? because , because I'm again , i'm , i have been told many times , danielle , stop giving the answer , then figure it out first . Yeah .

I'm guilty of giving the answer because I want to help And then I look back on things and I go , but then later , when I feel devalued , when I know that there's so many other people that didn't mind saying , let me book this call with you , right , and then let me let me pay for your services because , like a lot goes into let me answer your question ,

right , and I think it stings more when it's somebody that is like on the same playing field as you , and I think it stings more .

We try to figure out how to navigate that when you realize that that relationship isn't what you thought it was right , when you become like you said but I try not to put out a lot of things that's going to require people to send me monies of sorts .

Right , and it is because it is my belief , like my heart of hearts , if my pricing structure is too high for the person who really needs it to afford it , am I kicking the can down the street , right ? So I do offer a lot of ? Hey , this is just some tips to get you started .

But I think when Business wise for me , where I struggle is when I start to realize that it is businesses taking tips from me that could afford to pay me for said tips . And then you sit and you go . Why is this a thing ? and you never really want to go . This was always a relationship of opportunity .

Like you saw a strength in me , but not enough for you to value me monetarily in the strength that you saw , or refer the strength out that because I still have bills to pay or not , but then it becomes the but I wanted that , i needed that for me .

We this , our society today builds more takers than it does givers , because of how true I mean .

If you really think about our society and where we are as a culture today , since the world fell apart , we are a society of takers and I and I try my best to be aware , to not be a taker , but I'll tell you I've probably done it yeah and so , but I am so hard pressed on not being a taker that sometimes I expose all of my cards and give too much

way too fast , which then sets the expectation that people are allowed to take from me . So I just want you to really think about that .

It's okay to receive happy mail and love and support and friendship and weird banana things in the mail well and and , as I , it is very difficult for me to receive it's .

See , i was the catch and in this case , right and I and okay , full transparency . I was like this very bubbly white woman does not know full transparency .

This very bubbly white woman barely knows me and I just gave her my address , something that could have been anything , but I opened and it made my eyes but I was like this is the kindest thing a stranger from the internet could have ever done . And you've been like consistent in just sending random mail . It .

I look forward to the random mail from the bubbly white woman .

I'm glad that I'm not a crazy person , that I'm a normal person , because , holy cow , i can't believe how many people give me their address .

But I finally decided maybe I need to be a little more careful giving out mine that and so so now , all the people that I'm super close with and I already have these relationships with okay , you guys have my address , my address on on the thing , but now , now that I'm having people buy like magnets and stickers from Etsy and new followers , i'm just signing at

my spoony sisters or , gracefully , jen or both , and not giving my address , because I don't know , because that is your home and it's your safe space and not everybody needs that level of access to you which is going to keep foot stump in that .

Hopefully we've offered the listener so so much to think about to , about , you know , protecting yourself , protecting your heart and but still finding a way to put yourself out there in a healthy way . Yeah , are there any tips or little bits of info you guys want to leave with people ?

You're defined by your actions and as long as your actions are genuine and just and they have moral , like backing and you , you do it with character and love , you are not defined by what other people do to you and they don't get to stop your story because they they halted you with betrayal , your story continues and you get to write every other chapter after

that chapter of betrayal

. So you replace that memory with something that brings you joy and you use that memory , the hurt from that memory , as your life , your lesson , your tackling fuel , going forward to heal a heart instead of break a heart oh , i love it and I'm gonna second that .

Thank you both and everyone out there until next time . Don't forget your spoon .