7. Letters From A Killer

Approache production.

I now come to sentence the two of you, miss Edwire, you might stand up, miss Dwire. You are to be imprisoned for life, but with a single non parole period with respect to both offenses of twenty one years backdated to commence from when you were taken into custody on the twenty sixth of August twenty sixteen. I emphasize that your release at the expiration of the non parole period

Ryan Whitwell Dowai's sister, Britney, stabbed their granddad to death for one hundred thousand dollars that was hidden and he shed. She never felt the money and left with her accomplice and just one thousand dollars and some other valuables. She's serving life imprisonment. She's been in jail since November twenty seventeen. Since then, her brother Ryan has made contact with her a few times. I think you've answered this, but do you think your sister was sorry or is sorry?

I think from the last time I spoke to her via the letters, No, she wasn't sorry.

I don't think she was remorseful.

Those words might have physically been there, but I the contacts of the whole letters, No, I didn't feel that. Whether or not she feels that now, I mean she's written to my mom many times in forms of Christmas cards, Birthday cards, full letters, and it took my mother a long time to even be able to read them, let alone reply to them.

When was the first time you sent a letter to your sister? All spoke to her after she was incarcerated.

The first time I spoke to her was she had just gone to Adelaide Women's prison and she was heavily medicated for depression and bipolar sort of disorder. The counselor inside the jail, like the therapist, I guess, thought it would be a good idea to make contact for her benefit, and so I did, and we set up a call, and she was allowed to go into the therapist's office and make this.

Call a next monitor and recording.

It was a very generic call, and I think this would have been in twenty sixteen, It would have been pretty close after she went in and it was just, yeah, what is she doing? I found out that she works in there.

She what does she do? She like is like a janitor. She cleans up. And then she moved from there into the kitchen.

And so she was kitchen because they get paid obviously to do little jobs. But then if on good behavior, she was allowed to participate in like CrossFit tournaments and they actually let you out of the jail to go and do this, and then like they're allowed to study and stuff like that from there as well. So that was the program that they had already set up for her. But when I was talking to her on the phone, it was all about those sorts of things.

Not mentioning your granddad or you know.

I did ask questions and the therapist would step in and be like, she doesn't want to talk about that. Like you could tell there was a break, there was a pause, and obviously there's a facial expression that I can't see something like that, and it would get pushed.

Past post that call. Did you then send a letter or yeah, she tried to call me again. Obviously you can't call them, they call you.

And so it was pretty tricky at work, and whatnot I'd miss it, but so yeah, I decided to send a letter, and it was more. The letter was about like the first one, was certainly a lot of questions that I had for her around why did you make up that he raped you or molested you? You know what happened? Like how long has this been going on? For all of those sorts of questions. I got a reply and it was very She picked and choosed what she wanted to answer back to and then maybe a

To Mom, I am so sorry that it has been so long since I wrote you. The last letter Ryan mentioned that you needed time and that you hadn't read any of the last letters that I had sent. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be the daughter you and Dad deserved to have. I did not mean to live this life or to continue lying to both of you about having a job, a house, and committing a crime. To live. Once I moved out of home, my life started to spiral downwards and I was ashamed to come

How did that make you feel like? Because it felt like she was admonishing herself with.

Any Yeah, I certainly feel that as well reading that, and it's I don't understand particularly that component because when I was growing up, didn't have any money, and so everything that my parents gave us was to better our lives and particularly try to help us succeed in life. I didn't have much. I'll give you an example. I went to public school, which was great. I had if I wanted to have new clothes or go out with my friends on the weekend, whilst their parents would be

Flash forward to.

When Britney was going through school and growing up, and again there is that five years different. The means for my parents had completely changed. She had the ability to go to private school, She got a pretty hefty allowance per week for not doing a great deal. They bought her first car. But my parents gave her so much and it actually probably did the opposite with her and made her not want to strive. She didn't want to try and get a job, bill start to build on

I want you to blame yourself. I know that you did the best you could and you always made sure that we never went without. I have been broken and dealing with my demons for years and years, and I eventually became very good at keeping them a secret from everybody. Once I became addicted to the drug ice, I could no longer control the flashbacks and pain this led to my imprisonment. I regret each and every action that I

I could go back, I would go back.

But I can't and I can't change anything.

That I've done.

You are still my mother, and I honestly need you now more than ever. Every occasion, every Birthday, and every Christmas that goes by without hearing from you honestly is killing me inside. I know that I have not been the daughter you deserve to have, but I am honestly so broken without my Mum. I cannot start moving on with my life in here without you. I truly do not expect your forgiveness, and I do not believe that I deserve such leniency, but I do need my mum

How did you feel reading that for the first time?

Ugh, it actually makes me want to cry. To be fair, it's I it's I didn't realize. I haven't read that letter for a long time, and actually that was the first time I physically read it in years, since twenty nineteen.

And to be fair, I think I blocked.

A lot of that out because in my communication with her, I didn't ever really feel like she was properly remorseful. And then I read that the original time, and it made me feel like she was sorry because it was convenient for her to be sorry and she needed something out of that, which is mum to communicate to her. But reading that again now does make me quite emotional, very hard to read.

That letter was sent to you and you your mom. Did your mum read it?

She did?

Yeah?

How did she react?

She got very upset, very emotional. She didn't like the letter.

I think she felt again there was blame to be passed and that she never compared her to myself. I think the only thing that ever really happened, is like, why aren't you trying to get your life on track? That would have been a comment that Mum or dad would have made.

For sure. But they gave her everything anything.

She wanted to make sure that she had a good life because growing up it was not the same for me. And so to have that, I guess slapped in your face, I think it really I think it pissed my mother off about those particular comments. I think it was finally nice for Mum to hear that she was showing some

Yeah. Not once in that letter does she mention that she murdered your granddad. No, that she stabbed him with a knife four times and watched him bleed out on the floor.

Yeah, she doesn't in any of the letters.

It's the perfew letters and cards Mother's Day card and birthday cards. And then it was probably a year after I read those letters that I decided to write her a letter. So I did write her a letter. No, I didn't ask questions because Ryan had already done that in previous ones, and we did get some answers back then. It was more that I said, we need to lay all our cards out and be honest with each other and not hold back on anything. I wanted the truth, and I sort of said, I really don't know what

Me shows she's not sorry.

She's been seeking this attention from my mother since she decided that she's ready to speak to her, and then finally when she gets a response, and it was a well balanced response, I.

Must say for my mother no reply.

Do you miss her? I missed the idea of her. I miss having a sibling. It's the little things, like you know, a year ago I started a new job and as colleagues do, they try to get to know you and they say, do you have any siblings?

What do you say?

Because if you say yes, then they ask more questions and then that obviously leads into a whole other thing. So we've received a Christmas card in twenty twenty from Brittany. It was addressed to my Mum and I and it says, too, dear Mum and Ryan, I hope you both are having a wonderful day spent together and filled with so much love. I'll be thinking of you both as usual, many happy memories and special wishes to come, all wrapped up in loving thoughts, especially for you. I love you so much, Mum,

You send cards back to her at Christmas?

No?

I never sent a card.

Mine were always letters. I found it was easier because I would go big periods of time. If we're not speaking with her, I guess not writing a letter. And I found that I would type out a letter and I was able to share photos of what was happening in my life by embedding them into the letter, so I would give her updates about what I was doing for work, or where I.

Was living at the time, which city I happened to be in. Yeah, just that sort of thing.

It seems like a really normal type letter, like a pen pal, where you're saying, hey, you haven't seen you for a while. Here's a few things he's me on the beach and stuff. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but does it feel like that's a bit of small talk?

Absolutely, it feels like small talk, And I think that's a perfect way of describing it. When I was writing letters, and particularly towards the end, I didn't I want her to think that I cared about what she was doing, and hearing that come out of my mouth sounds quite brutal, and I get that, but I didn't. I was not in a place where I wanted to be like, oh, hi, like, how are you, what are you doing? What are you

So why did you send the letters?

I guess I had like a sense of obligation that I felt like it was the right thing to do.

I mean, for who for me to do it, for me to.

In a way, I felt like I owed that to her. I had already been quite harsh. It's weird saying harsh considering.

What she did, but I did.

I felt like I was being I was quite harsh, and I do imagine how lonely I think she would be in there. And some of the hard things to actually get was I'd have a lot of people that have been in jail with her that'd be let out released and they would message me and they would say, like how much she talked about me? And that was really difficult. Yeah, I think that really that broke my heart. Sorry, so I feel like it's why I was doing the letters.

Excuse me, So yeah, I think obligation was that anything.

A couple of years ago, I had my alert set on Google, so anytime that the topic was talked about, it pop up, which I actually had to turn off because I didn't think that was very healthy in the long run.

But a story was done.

I can't of remember who did it, but it was talking about some of the most vicious killers in Australia and what they'll be having for Christmas dinner and that they named Brittany and what she would be expecting in I think at that time she was at the Portagusta Maximum Security jail. And it's such a strange thing to talk about. But for a brother to hear, like in literal terms and illiteral words on what her Christmas is going to be like, Yeah, that hits very differently, And.

Then I guess Christmas rolls around and it's an impossible image to get out of your head.

Wrong.

Yeah, definitely, I think we all did our best to enjoy Christmas. And I mean at the time, earlier days when I was still with my eggs his mum is a fantastic cook, incredible, and she would put on a massive Christmas Day spread, and so it was myself, my grandmother, and my mom and we would join their family every year, and it took the image out of your head just long enough by being distracted by everything else and feeling

Awesome, thanks man. Join some tissues.

Yeah, some parts you think differently about as time goes by, but I think overall it doesn't change very much. Overall, No, it doesn't. I don't think it changes anything for me. But based on the day, I might be a little less harsh and maybe a little bit more forgiving on some other days.

Do you think about do you think about her in jail ever? Does that picture into your mind you've not been there, Yeah, so that's probably helpful in some ways.

Yeah, I do. I think about that a lot.

And I think there was one particular moment where filming Sunday night, we were taken to the.

Outside of her jail and.

That was hard to be very close and actually you could see people out in the out in the garden. If you will moving around and they're all in bay Is to be that close.

Yeah, that was really difficult.

So ever since experiencing that and actually getting a visual of what the place looks like in real life, Yeah, it's I think about it all the time.

Do you think Brittany is evil or unwell?

I think she was unwell. You know one of the last letters when she is up and left home. Gary and I were at work during the day and we came home and she just moved out of the house and she's left a note saying, I've got to leave Mom and dad. You pestering me about getting a job. It's just it's no good for my mental health. I've just got to move away. And so I do see she was suffering depression or something that wasn't diagnosed so much,

Her talking in those texts, you know, sliding throats and things like that, and the blood, I did.

Think evil then back those kind of years, I did think that was evil, But nowadays I think it was a small unwell