White Nonsense Makes No Sense!: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Motherfucking mini episode. Mini episode, motherfucking mini episode.

Shauna Paul, Shine up, Paul. There it is there it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of Ma Mama Told.

Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

And we finally worked to prove the theories that you the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking mini episode.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Were you a Sean Paul guy.

I thought Jean Paul had it for a minute.

I really liked him for a little bit there.

I it was cool too, because he didn't really talk much. He just kind of like made hips and minded his business. And it was like, how can you root against this dude?

We have no idea what he's about.

Nah, you don't know his principles, You don't know what he what he believes in. You just know Sean Paul makes good music. It has thick ladies dancing to you.

Ye. All I know is he likes that dou ty rock.

He talks so little. I didn't even know if he really had an.

Accent, you know what I mean. He could be a Puerto Rican for all that those islands are near each other.

Yeah, Sean Paul could have sounded like fucking Colon Powell, and I had I would have had no.

Idea he could have. He could be Daddy Yankees cousin. I don't know about that. And that's how I like it.

That's how that's how we like it. I'm like Stin Herman, I'm David Bory and this is this is a motherfucking mini episode. We get emails from you guys every week. We cherish them deeply, and we love to talk some ship about the emails you send, both legitimate and illegitimate. Shit to be said about all of your messages, and we have we have a message today. Yeah, I would say.

I wanted to piggyback. We do love and cherish your emails, but sometimes we hate them. Sometimes you say everything wrong and it makes us angry. And I think that's where we're coming from today.

Yeah, I think I think we got a message from a person named Sean. Sean sent us the email that was already from the subject line. You go, wait a minute, but the subject line says a white Man's perspective on Black men in Dresses.

Which is a paper I never asked to read.

I'll be quite abudy, nig dog. Nobody wanted this. This wasn't We weren't sitting around being like, what did the white men think about the black men in the dresses?

We do?

We do?

So what the conspiracy is about?

And you brought this on your head? Because what did you think the response to this email? What's going to be?

Did you think we were gonna feel warm cuddlies inside of being like, finally the white man is ready to speak to us about the thing that we already have been talking about.

But you're a fan, and our fans are massacres, So we'll read your stupid.

Yeah, we'll read this, dumb ship. If that's what you want.

All right, you got it? All right, do you want me? We can I'm gonna I'm gonna read it all the way through and then we can go back in dissection.

I think I think we'll pause naturally. I think, well we'll both read the uh the moments where it makes sense to maybe take this in and reflect for a second.

All right, perfect, perfect, all right, it starts out, good day gentlemen. I hope you were well.

Gross.

Yeah, I don't love it. I was a little white boy growing up in World, Oklahoma in the nineties. I don't like any of that. I thought a black man in a dress was hilarious, and it was because black men were big and scary. Fuck and seeing them, specifically Eddie Murphy of.

The biggest, the biggest and scariest of all the black men.

If Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy was one of the scary ones, don't go to Detroit. What the fuck are you talking about? Eddie Murphy was the big scary black man that you want. You can't watch basketball.

Eddie Murphy is a cool five nine and can't take his shirt off. What are you talking about?

Tiny nipples? All right? But yeah, I thought I thought black men were big and scary and seeing them, specifically Eddie Murphy emasculated by dressing up as a woman. Dot dot dot just the juxtaposition, you know, dot dot dot. It was.

God damn it, Sean, this you motherfucker. God damn it, Sean. What are you trying to do?

Man? Why did you send this to me?

This feels like a private journal that you're This wasn't for us, man.

You couldn't have possibly thought we would like reading any of this.

No, this is crazy, Sean, your bugget butt all right.

There was only one black kid in my elementary school I could tell, and seeing a black person in public was a rare occurrence. The only black people I knew of were huge, giant athletes. And damn it.

Here's the thing. It's not even so much that that I'm unaware of what you're attempting to articulate, Sean. You you grew up in a place where you weren't around black people, and therefore you had a skewed perspective of what black people were could be all of the things. It's the it's the fucking adjectives you're using that make this feel pointed in a way that it's huge giant, monstrous athletes like god, damn man, Relax, we know how big athletes are. Nobody's confused, Yeah, how big Lebron is.

Also, I don't like, I don't love you typing this out like this is an interesting point, Like you're typing this like hey, I give a fuck, and be like I didn't know that your basic ass was scared of black people. You think this is not what I would have thought you felt about this. Had you just feeling you could have stopped it, and I was a little white kid growing up in real rural Oklahoma. I could have wrote the rest of this.

Fuck yeah, and so the conspiracy made sense to me. End of email. Yes, this is exactly what I needed to affirm myself and my community is seeing black people made less than by dresses.

And then it's also like you're telling this to black people. You think we didn't know that.

This is how you Yeah, no, you are. You are strictly affirming the fear and not at all illuminating a new thought. But maybe maybe the end of the email, Sean will take us there. Maybe we're being unfair in our judgment. Please continue, all right, The.

Only black people I knew of were huge shine athletes renowned for their masculinity dot dot dot and Michael Jackson who wanted to molest little white boys.

All right, fair enough, I can't argue about that. It feels odd that you added it, but it's not untrue.

Yeah, and OJ Simpson, who wanted to kill our women.

And we thank him every day for that.

Sean, this is really where the starts to sing. My parents weren't racists or anything. They are very good people.

The fact that you can see even if he's saying, Yo, I am not this anymore. I am a future self who does not feel these things. These are old thoughts that I'm cycling through. The fact that you can see that for yourself as an older version of yourself and not think that your parents had anything to do with the making of a child who would see all of these people as monstrous giants who needed to be emasculated is fucking crazy.

Well, this is where this is where the plots was. David even met my mom at his show once. Oh nice, But here's the thing.

Also, she's like, get over here, nigger, take a picture.

So this whole justification, I don't think he did get this from his parents. I think this is like, I don't think this is a thing that was indoctrinated as much as he looked around and got this, you know, does that make sense?

Yeah, this is just like uh, he took in he this is nurture, not nature. Yeah, but his own nurture. This is yeah, like some shit that he did for himself.

I don't get the feeling that like his parents were like, hey, look at this movie. The Nutty Professor is so funny when black people wear dresses, you know, what I'm saying, right, Yeah, just growing up in the nineties with basic cables showing me movies from the eighties, I got the black impression. Black people were tough, rough and strong. Do you watch like the Cosby Show? Yeah, you know, Silverspoons, THEO had on that weird shirt. That's about it.

Yeah, rough and tumble as he got in.

A different world, family matter, there's none of that stuff.

Yeah, le Erkle was rough and strong to you.

Yeah, this feels like you kind of only consumed a certain type of media.

Yeah, but all right.

Uh yeah, So growing up in the nineties with basic cable showing me movies from the eighties, I got the impression Black people were tough, rough and strong. So seeing The Nutty Professor where black man was a fat idiot and sometimes a woman fucking hilarious. Wait a minute. First of all, he was college.

He literally created a serum for transforming his body in an instant. He wasn't dumb, he was the brilliant, the most brilliant man on the planet, his sports.

Guy in the whole movie. He wasn't like walking around with doodoo states sweat up. He was literally just fat.

He's like, oh I confuse my mayonnaise and my toothpaste again, was like, no. The entire premise of the movie is that he's actually a beautiful spirit, like a brilliant mind, who is just being overlooked because of his obesity and then miscalculates and makes himself fucking skinny.

It's not that he's dumb.

Sherman wasn't even the comedic relief in that movie. Buddy Love was and everybody else. I mean, I guess thee other fat people, but nobody was stupid in that.

They were They were ignorant, I would say, but but certainly not. They literally some of the most insightful moments come from the father who, uh, yeah, he has chicken nuggets spilling out of his mouth when he says it, but they that doesn't take the inside away. He's not an idiot. Man.

It's all so funny because he's like, not only was the not only was the big Gary black man a fat idiot, also sometimes a woman.

Fuck man, God damn it. And then on Sean please man, and then he.

Goes on to say dot dot dot fucking hilarious. Hilarious spelled wrong.

That's because he was laughing so much. He couldn't even find the keys. He was like, goddamn, I keep thinking about it. That's hilarious. You think about that fat idiot, the old fat idiot. I love it, oh man, Okay.

Ps In ninety nine moved to Dallas. There were plenty of black people here and everything is fine. Well I think that's sometimes. Yeah, I don't. I don't know that.

You get to decide that, Sean, And he has one more note.

Love Sean. Pss, don't wear the dress. We will be laughing at you, not with you. Well, that's one thing I can agree with in this email, Sean.

We knew that the second you wrote this email, we had no doubt. And and thank you for only affirming what we already believed about you and quote unquote your kind.

It honestly feels like you didn't listen to any of the nuance of the episode at all.

No, my boy, My boy ran with what he ran with, and I respect that.

Yeah, Like I hope now, I hope that, like I hope that you wrote this email before you listen to the episode, because that is one pet peeve you ever have it where you talk to white people and you're like, oh, you just don't listen to anything I've ever said. Yeah, you know what he was like, Oh you just you just you take the funny parts out and you don't listen to anything else that God said this whole because that was like, yeah, we.

Know, yeah, no, none of this was was a revelation for us, Sean. But but we do now feel differently about you specifically. I think, yeah, I think I think we were We've never told our white fans not to write us or felt the need to separate you all from us. But but there's one that we we don't need any more emails from. There's at least one out there that that maybe could keep the rest of his emails in the future.

It was crazy. I just want you to know it's because you're scary. Oh man. Yeah, I don't really have much else to say about that.

Well, I think we did it. I think I think, Sean, thank you for for all that you do.

I'm not thank you for that.

And more importantly, if you where can they find you? Tell the people where they can find you.

Well, anybody but Sean can go to bring David to play dot com and come to one of my live shows. Because I worry that you are also a guy who loves CrowdWork clips sean. Yeah, but anybody else, but anybody else. Yeah, I'm on the Aluminum Foil Tour. Come out, buy some T shirts, buy some merch. I will be after this

Follow David, go see him, bring him a plate, do all that shit, and if you want to follow me, you can see me or you know, follow me at Langston, Kerman. I would love to acquire you as one of my minions. And as always you can you can see me live ten thirteen through the fourteenth, I'll be in at the House of Comedy in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada, as it were. I'll be ten twenty and ten twenty one

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