We Gotta Make More Episodes than "Martin" (100th Episode!)

don't want any of that darky sauce. I love that you said that, but after you looked over your shoulder at your Martin d v D holp T. Campbell doesn't hear me. I don't want any darky sauce. I don't. She didn't either. Racists mostly money stuff I can't tell me.

Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove that if you cut open the keyloid on the back of the greens neck, it will in fact bleed coking crown. I hear that. I hear that, and I believe that there's no doubt in my mind that's what it looks like. It's full of it seems like it not only will it bleed coking crown, but there'll be a little bag

in there too, like a little purple bag. The bag comes out of the key low oh thing. I'm one of your host Langston Kerman, and I'm David. Yeah, and we're we're here. We're here, David celebrating our one hundredth episode. This is the one hundred epithede at one hundredth episode of My Mama told me, And if I get the words right, we'll celebrate. That's a big deal. I don't I don't think Martin got a hundred episodes? Did Martin? I get a hundred episodes? I'm looking at the DVD

collection on my show. You guys can't see this, um but David, David could not have turned cleaner and and more clearly to the DVD collection. It's as if he like looks at it every day like some sort of almost memorial for Martin. I'm not sure what it is. Well, it's my DVD section. I have Martin and then I have Meteor Man because that's harder to find than you would think. Oh, Martin got a hundred and thirty two episodes, so we we've got some work to do if we're

gonna keep up with Martin. All I'm trying to do is, ever do is catch Martin? Catch Martin and uh and maybe don't hurt Tisha Campbell in the process. No, No, we love t Sha, we love Dwayne. Now they're broken up. She really leaned into that singing career when they split and and that wasn't great. I feel like the time is not now she has now you're fifty, baby girl. Stop, it's okay, it's okay. You don't need a single. We don't need a single. We don't need it. And frankly,

she's proven herself. And this is what's so disappointing for me, at least with Tisha Campbell, is she's proven herself to be one of the greatest sitcom actress actresses in history. She's been a part of some fucking classics. I don't need you to go make mediocre music. I need you paired alongside one other black man who people are gonna say it is difficult at times, Pam Pam if her and Pam toward like various county fairs, barber shop openings,

raising Kine openings, things like that. I would I would be into that. I love the idea of somebody opening a Raisin Kane and mean like and now performance from Pam and Gina, y'all, that's everything I want in to day. They come out and they do. They do all their classics, they do some stuff from Little Shop of Horse met them, and then they go into they maybe they do that everybody loves everybody hates Chris song, just as because that's in the wheelhouse, I suppose. And then they close it

out with with I guess, I don't know, riffing. I think they do some riffing. I think close it out with like an end Vogue song or something. Uh they started doing cover okay, I hear you, Yeah, yeah, because they're both of their catalogs are not that deep. No, they don't have very much. In fact, even in the list, I gave away a song that does not belong to either of them. So that's a good song though that everybody hates Chris song. It's you know what, it's I

think ten seconds long. But the motherfucker's was nailing it. All you need, all you need, You just need a little taste. Yeah, you know that was actually sang by the Weather Girls, the same ladies who's sang it's raining? Man? Is that true? I don't know. You have Martin DVDs on your wall. I thought maybe this was this is just a little tidbit that you had sitting in your pocket. No, it sounds like something I would know. It's out us. I was convinced, and I'm I'm a fool. You're not,

You're not, You're You're fine, You're fine. That was crazy. I abused my power, and I understand, well, we we can't bullshit much longer about to Sheena Arnold and Titia Campbell, both lovely classic actresses and in the black sitcom space. But today we are celebrating a hundred episodes of the show that the centennial if if I don't know what centennial means, And so with that, I thought the best way for us to celebrate because you haven't been here

at the entire time. In fact, you're you're a much more recent add to the journey of my Mama told me, although you were on one of our very very earliest episodes. I was on early they forgot about Tren then a white man made a song about not forgetting about it, and here you are again. But I thought, I thought a fun journey for us to take on together is to go back and look at some of our favorite topics, the the topics that sort of came up early in the in the rolodecks of our bullshit here at my

Mama told me. And we'll just talk about him some things you probably haven't gotten a chance to hear. And so I'm excited to hear all of your thoughts borri on on on all these different subjects. Something to bring it out, I know you do. And what better way to start. And this will be exciting for our listeners because this is actually the subject of a long lost episode, an episode that never actually made it to air. Our earliest guest, who who technically was not our earliest guests recorded,

but our earliest guest was Will Miles. I'm a big fan of him. I know you know him well Chicago. Hell yeah, do that for every person I list. But Will actually did our our test pilot for the show. And with the test pilot, he came with a theory that I had never heard before and up to this date to have not heard again since he said, my mama told me the mail is being used to send poisonous perfume samples, possibly government terrorism. Okay, there's a lot

to unpack here. Yeah, yeah, it's not it's not a quick one, because this is what was the last time you got a magazine with a perfume sample? That's that's a big question that magazine he's still getting where he's like like, at best, Look, the only magazine subscriptions I have were completely by accident at this point, do you know what I mean? Like you bought an item and then they're like, well, technically by buying this, you get

a subscription to our our magazin thing. I have a GQ magazine subscription that I bought because I try to pretend myself to myself that I was that kind of a guy. And now I still still have it and it still comes every week. But I don't whoa what what what prompted g Q? What? What what happened where you were? Like I think I'm gonna be a g Q do Sometimes I'm on stone on the internet, just like you know what, I don't know about you know different fragrances and fashion trends. Who could keep me up

on that? You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I don't know. I I need some kind of an aggregate to a adult manhood and I thought that I thought that g Q would be that, and I have not cracked. I think I cracked open one like six months ago. That's it. Whoa embarrassing, you know what it is? I I feel like with g Q, I'm not convinced that I'm never gonna look the way that these guys look, and so it intimidates me. If I'm being honest, I'm looking at these guys and ensure those outfits are cool.

But are they would they be cool on me? I'm going to talk shit in a bar. I ain't really about to do all this cool stuff in bathtubs, in suits, you know what I mean? They're in like speedboats with wood paneling. M hmm. Like every speedboat that I'm on has like neon colors. Yeah, I'm I'm a plastic speedboat man,

big time, big time. It has like a dumb name, like yeah, people are smoking like black and milds on it like that's yeah, that's the problem with g Q it's it's it's a little too They mean like a may need like a lower level GQ like for for like not not gentlemen, but just like so I don't know what the what's step below gentleman? Right is there is there a term for below gentleman. I think that's

called middle manager. We need like the middle managers quarterly, like you got some bread, You got some bread, you got like your your TV is wall mounted, but you don't necessarily have health insurance like those guys. It's wall mounted, but it's still got those cords underneath it. And pay for the tuck now you didn't get it tucked in. So here we are and and yeah, you you probably want to see what what fashion you can pull off. That's what I That's all I want, man, that's all

I want. I like that. I like that for you. And and to that, I think in your magazine, at least by by your suggestion, I'm assuming they would not be putting the perfume samples and cologne samples inside of it. Here's the thing. And I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you like I've never tried to use the cologne sample and pass it off his cologne I'm wearing. It just doesn't work, man, Right, It's just it's not enough. Yeah, they don't of you a lot. It's like one spray.

I got a lot of I got a lot of real estate to cover. Yeah, these crops are gonna they're gonna need a little more, a little more greening than that. Come on, one spray my whole body. But that's why I wonder what he like, who has well must be getting like black tail or something like what magazine still has.

What's fascinating is and this is something he and I talked about when we originally had this conversation, but it actually was all this, this theory, this fear was all started from a an email that was sort of circulating. This is back when emails used to circulate, if that makes sense. And the email reads and I'm gonna read it verbet and it goes urgent news from Glenn Eagle's Hospital,

Urgent with five exclamation points after that. Seven women have died after inhaling a free perfume sample that was mailed to them. The product was poisonous if you received free samples in the mail, such as lotions, perfumes, diapers, et cetera. Throw them away. The government is afraid that this might be another terrorist act. They will not announce it in the news because they do not want to create panic or give the terrorists and new ideas. Send this forward

to all your friends and family members. Diane J. Ford, Office of the Free of the Chief of Police, Office of Risk Management, one O one M Street, s W Washington, d C. First of all, people are getting perfumes, lotions and diapers samples in the mail. I think, I think in the late nineties we were mailing everything. That's true, we weren't. We were so before nine eleven, we were so flipping yeah, we didn't give a funk who got Yeah, just with this big old tub of lotion in the

mail of these as you niggas figure it out. And now we're very careful to your point. Now it's you barely can spray yourself with the cologne. But back then you get a whole You get a whole dre card noir in the mail. Call it a sample. Send me some of that awkward digio. Yeah six bucks? What happened to us America? You know, we have so many sense I feel like poor people don't wear cologne anymore, and that's a big issue. Mm hmm. What what was your your go to cologne when you were a young, upstart,

a young man figuring it out. Ah, I had a bottle of Adidas Oh No, that I got for Christmas and one of those packs, you know how it would be like the Adida's cologne, the Adida's deodorant, and then like a pair of Adidas sock Of course, I got like one of those and I used that That was probably like eight to ninth or tenth grade. And then I got Aquadiggio because this girl named a Lana had told me that it smells really good. And then that and that kind of carried me to my early twenties.

And then I was thugging no sense, just raw dog out in the wind, just trying to live. Man. And now tell me this, did Alanna notice when you bought the Aquadigio? This fuck? That's that's hard to hear. She was elevated, man, she had She like, yeah, it wasn't it was never meant to be. You give your heart to these people and they don't. They don't give it back, you know, they truly don't like the fact that you remember she was the one that planted this seed in

your head is always gonna ache at you. And she's not gonna be like, damn, I told David to wear that, and he never I never complimented in him on how well he smells. You know what I mean. I've I've thought about it realistically. I don't think she would remember me. That's' and I've been on TV. What do you think I did it a lot? Do you think I need it for the money? No, it doesn't pay that much if you're not a star. Realized that. But it's a hundred

percent scales. You know how many times? You know how many bit parts I gotta do to buy a car? Probably sixty. I just do it. So Alanna, we'll see. So maybe Alanna is sitting down in her home and she never knows, but I'm hoping maybe she watches Pause with Sam Jane. She's like, Wow, i've seen that guy before. I recognize I recognized his free wheeling feelings about drugs. And then you know, she looks yea and then oh ship, he's verified, and then she sa and I don't respond,

good for you, Dad, don't give her that. I hope that she watches Pause. She goes. I had a feeling David would do crack someday. But but I still I still have feelings for him. I still I still feel like it's unrequited love. I'm going to send him a message and then you big timer hard that bitch. Oh you're blocking her. She can't even see you anymore. Tumb finger.

Oh shit, no, you had a chance. So one of the things that that we discovered in sort of talking about this apparent conspiracy theory is that the the email was completely made up, and uh, it was sort of rooted in a lot of like the hoax and energy that was born out of Nina eleven and the anthrax scare right that I in this this wasn't there was no evidence of it actually being real. These seven women, six women whatever it was, dying in this hospital from

sniffing perfume. But in sort of riding the anthrax waves, some idiot at home was like, I'm gonna start telling people their perfume samples or poisonous and see what that does. And it didn't do anything. I mean, it stopped perfume samples, right, it did. It certainly put a little bit of a bind on the perfume samples. I have got no free perfume because now that I think about it, I do remember, not me, but my mom. It would be that tiny bottle, you know what I'm talking about. Ye, Like it'd be

like that tall and like really thin. Yeah, I haven't seen any of those since. I mean I think that it's I think it's since leven. Yeah, I mean I feel like back then you could get a sample and get on an airplane with a sample in your pocket. And now they're like these are this is just gonna get people in trouble in every way possible. You can get on an airplane pocket knives, aerosols, your shoes, everything. Man,

it's like going to jail. Give me a bill. Well, not me, I have clear, but for poor people, Like these seats are too small, you're gonna want to kill yourself. Give me a goddamn bill. No shoelaces. That's also why I flying crocs. I gotta I got a whole system. Yeah, I'm a big flip flop flyer. Now you have to you have to like to get and I'm not like a savage, right, like I got socks on. I'm not like a white person, But like you have to get through.

You just have to get through fast, you know. It makes everything easier, and it also makes it so you don't feel like some weird urge to kick off your shoes, which, uh, which I've done, and frankly is real. It's real nice. But I also feel terribly ashamed afterwards. Yeah, you should feel bad. That's one thing you should feel bad about. Yeah. No, I'm not proud of that at all. And uh, I blame my father. I would not I would not have. I would not have taken your first shoes off on

the plane kind of guy. I don't want to be that guy. But if I'm being honest, once you do it, you're like, this is this is luxury that I've never imagined before. That's the freedom I I won't allow myself to taste. That's fair, you know. I think I think the truth is we could all afford a little bit more China in this country. There there should be a

little bit more whoa whoa. There should be a little bit lebron James hard fastened rules of of ship that we have to follow, you know, we have we we can't just be free willing everywhere, you know, and if it means that I have to keep my goddamn shoes on when I'm flying through the air. I'd respect it, I'd serve, I respect, I appreciate that, because that is nasty. You can't. It's just it's bad for everything. All right, let's dig into another one. I feel like that we

did everything that we could on that. It sounds like you don't believe it for one second. You, oh, you believe it? Kind of no, not even kind of oh, not even kind of great. Okay, this, oh, this was a fun one. Carl Tart our former guest, Carl Tart very funny man, crooked, crooked, litter, humpback, humpback, Oh you

know you remembered. Okay, you're you're nice with it. But Carl Tired actually came to us with a conspiracy theory that he said, my mama told me, if you eat spaghetti from a woman you don't know, she might put her minstrel blood in it and put a hex on you. There's a Kevin Gates song about it, okay, And is that more convincing for you or less? I don't know. Does Kevin Gates believing something make you feel more solidified in it? Or or surely like you're trapped in a

in a manic place. I am, I am ah, Okay, this is gonna get weird. I think that if there was a rapper who knew how to put out an evil spell or knew about evil spells, it would be Kevin Gates. M M. Now when you say that, are you referring specifically to male rappers, because if it's all rappers, I'm going to sail your banks every time. Oh that's a good point. That's a good that's a good point. I guess male rappers. I'm not sure, But anyways, that's not the point. Do I think that they could put

could make you couci spaghetti and run your brain? I think that the ways of women are very mysterious and that I don't, man, I don't because it it's not like she's gonna make you a zombie if you eat it, right, No, I mean, I think the implication is that it's more like a love potion than it is like a uh and a full submission of your being, If that makes sense. That could be true. That it's pheromones, right, uh huh,

that's what we're talking about, I think, so. I mean, I I truly was, I was gonna let you think it through. But then you're like, it's pheromones, right, go ahead, Okay, I'm just saying, because it's not only spaghetti, Spaghetti is just the easiest way to put right. I think they're The implication is that spaghetti is the best place to hide it because of the matching color of the menstrual blood to the pasta sauce. But you could also put

it in your pizza, then I think she could. I think for specifically, black people were not known for making a ton of pizza, certainly at home. Like if if I go over a girl's house and she's like, I made you a pizza, I'll be like, bitch, what's wrong with you trying to trap me? Kevin Gates told me about this. You ain't Italian? What the fun is this? If she's making spaghetti, you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's nice.

You know this is black. If it's black people spaghetti, it's cooked in one pot and this guy's sugar in it for some reason. Yeah, okay, this is just a regular black lady doing black people's stuff. And then do you ever get the fatass garlic bread that they're sell it safe way? Oh? Hell yeah? Yeah, man, that is good. That that Texas toast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good on spaghetti.

We should just make some spaghetti after this. Honestly, we should just starting this podcast into uh Spaghetti Cooking Hour, Spaghetti appreciation. You know, weird thing about spaghetti? I refused to eat it and rest wrongs? Whoa why? Now? Tell me more? Is it doesn't have anything to do with menstrul blood. No. I think it's just I've had it at home so much. I'm not gonna go to the I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna dress up, go out to eat and give a tip

for some Spaghetti's insane, that's insane. It does feel like the lowest wrong of like uh of starter foods. In a lot of ways, it's the cheapest pasta, it's the cheapest pasta, and it's also the one that we all feel the most confident even approaching. So it's like, yeah, I shouldn't pay a stranger to do this. I'm not paying anybody for spaghetti ever. M I do think that's why when you go to restaurants they often add like

the bolon as the egg. Now, I think bolon as just means like it's like a meat sauce, if I'm not mistaken. And I think part of the reason they make it sound more Italian than it actually is is because they're like, well, you can make spaghetti at home, but do you know how to make bolonaise? And it's like, okay, all right, I guess you got me there. I don't really know. I feel like I could, Oh, you can make bolon That's what I'm saying. Give me I need.

I need the white sauces. I need the cream sauces. And that might be racist. I prioritize white sauces, but this, do I believe this? Anything's possible. Have you ever eaten the spaghetti of a of a woman? You did not? You were not committed to you were you were just sort of like canoodling with the spaghetti. No, I feel like every time it's been like Auntie spaghetti. I don't think I've had like a woman. I'm dating spaghetti not because of this, mmm, just because like if I'm eating

your leftovers, then it feels like we're dating. Like I'm kind of like I'll drink your juices and stuff, but like I commit a heating a plate. It feels a little too personal. I got you so so truly, it's more of a type of pretension that's kept you unhexed more than not wanting the spaghetti of a stranger right right right, right right right. But you know that being said, if you you know, if you're out there age appropriate, got a good job, you can COUCHI couci spaghetti trapped me.

I'm open, you know what I mean. I got health insurance, I'm a small business owner. I got a few credit cards. Give my man your couchie curse. He's available for couching curses and uh and titty tricks as well, whatever whatever comes to mind. Yeah, all sort of down bottom trickery. I'm I'm for it. Put some breast milk in this cereal. Let's see what happens. Yeah, who knows. Maybe that one though, So you're you're feeling good about that one as a as a potential real curse that we're all facing. I

think that's real. I think that's that seems like some weird ship. Yeah, okay, I like this. I like that we're heading towards that direction. This is a fun one that that came from our our former guest Naomi a Paragon. Very funny, And Naomi, this is New York City, New York City, that's right? Do you know which do you know which borrow? You know which section of New York? My eyes are getting weary back from Quen. Damn, damn. I think he's a Harlem native if I'm not mistaken.

Midnight at the Old Paces. There you go. Yeah, I did the New York though. That was pretty good. I think now you nailed it, Naomi a Paragan said, my mama told me that white people don't get cold to a degree. Yes, this is what is true. Yeah, it's it's We actually did a bunch of research for this one and found out that there's a fair amount of legitimacy to this conspiracy theory. Yeah, I've seen them go

nuts in the snow. What do you mean? Yeah, he's just like I've been like driving down the road before in the snow and seemed like a white guy with no shirt on or like you know what I mean. I've been like at the grocery store in a blizzard and some dude walks in and shorts like all that kind of thing. Like I've seen that stuff, and you're you're a denver native. You've spent a lot of time in a very cold atmosphere with a lot of primarily

white people. I imagine you've seen them at their most drink don't drink cold beer in a garage if it's snow and outside. Jesus Christ, I know. So this one isn't even I don't even think we have to go deep. This one is. This isn't even a conspiracy. That's a fact. That's like we all knew that. Yeah, No, I think

it's pretty legit. I I do wonder how often these stereotypes are making their way back to white people in a way that like that they're hearing that black people or anybody else is saying these things about them, and does that then make them go, hey, maybe we should work on that, Maybe we should uh not not do that anymore. If there's one thing I've learned about white people is that they don't do that. So not a

particularly reflective bunch. No, And that's not even and that's not even a that one's not good or bad, right, it's just like no, And frankly, I think it's better for them given the environments that they often trekking. I think it's it's it's it's certainly a safety net of sorts. I will say I had I had my water either went out for a couple of weeks, so I was just raw dogging these cold showers. It's if it makes you feel good after this. The shower is not plug it,

but the way you feel after it's very good. Ah. Even now, I finished all my showers with a cold blast. Really, oh shit, no, thank you. I'll miss out on that opportunity one time. You don't have to shower in the cold, just like end it with the cold blast to get your whole body cold and then get out. Damn, that's hoof. That's gonna be tough for me. I'm a real I'm

a real hot shower man myself. But even in the summer, even in the summer, I'll sometimes I go out and exercise and then I come back in and I take a shower and I'm still sweating after the shower, and I need that cold blast anything. But I'm too much of a coward to heave. And no, you gotta do it, because that double sweating thing is the world. I call that double jeopardy. It's the worst field because then you're like, why did I even take the shower. Yeah, this is

a complete waste of a shower. No. Yeah, now I'm just double what damn? All right, so I got I gotta welcome cold showers into my life. And white people you can just keep doing you baby, no notes, you're killing it. Yeah, maybe try putting some coucie juice in this the cast roll or whatever does you make. Yeah, you're tuna fish cast roll. Putt a little put a little pussy juice in there. You can heck somebody like

black people do the spaghetti. All right. Here's a fun one that comes from from my friend Mr Nate Marshall. Nate Marshall is a very talented poet that I know. But Nate Marshall came with a conspiracy. Do uh that's okay. I'll give you some context clues. Same place as me. Chicago, Chicago babies and done, Wendy City. Let me let me get up, let me get a beef. And I was, let me get a beef. Isn't that what you guys

do out there? Yeah? I think we've been watching one television program in particular and decided that that was the entire city's personality. But hell yeah, that I've heard it said behind chef, I've seen some other's stuff. I knew that that was a Chicago show, I know, but I know about your place. Nate Marshall came with a conspiracy theory that that. He said, my mama told me that Timberland is owned by the k k K, the producer

or the shoe company. The shoe company, Yeah, not the tim but Land is not currently being held captive by the clue klux Klan. I don't know. He did like a one direction song. It went nuts at the end there. That's fair. He's had some problematic points in his career and maybe this was like the KKK nudgeing and being like, boy, you're making too much heat. We need you to drive back a little bit. We need you to get buff, and we need you to chill out. Oh man, I

hate when a rapper gets buffed and stand it. I can't stand it, truly. Some of the greatest have gotten buff and it's ruined everything I liked about them. Nobody likes you better, yeah, no one. No one was like, you know, what Buster of Rhymes needs is bigger, Yeah, to not be able to touch his toes and kick his legs. Anymore. He looks like it just hard for him to move. Yeah, he's just so fucking stiff now. And he used to be able to like jump on walls and ship. I don't think he's got that anymore.

He was so fucking fun and now he's just buffing. It's and weird. Uh, he doesn't look fun all anymore. No, and Timberland's the same thing. It's just like you were a silly billy man. Just stay a silly billy. You were out there in Virginia, hanging out with a guy named Magoo. Now you're buff. Come on, man, come on, I bet you Magoo wasn't for it. Oh, this is a conspiracy theory. I bet you Magoo was not for it.

I love this that. The reason that they no longer worked together is because Timberland came to him one day and was like, Magoo, I'm gonna start getting buff, and Magoo said no, Timberland, No, Remember you had that high voice. It was so Also when also when at Madonna, weirdly, that was always strange to me. Oh remember that on up Jumps a Boogie, Yeah, up in the he said a lot. He said a lot of things on that song. But he said, no fan of Madonna, She's just a

damn slut. Didn't fit with the rest of the tone of the song. I felt, this is a magoo line. That's a that's he says, Yo. It was crazy. He says up in the cut like gay Niggason, but no fan of Madonna, She's just a damn slut. I swear to god. That was the That was the line. That was the pair of bars that he was like Garden. It was crazy. He sat down and wrote that, Yeah, I see why they cut him out of the camp.

You know, you can't have that. You can't you can't be talking like that man that Timberland didn't have good vision for his body, but he had good vision for his career. He knew was like, I could keep hanging out with this dude who's gonna shoot on gay people in Madonna? Was I completely forgot the conspiracy we were talking about. Our remind you it was that Timberland Shoe

Company is owned by the KKK. Now, what I should tell you is that part of where this conspiracy theory comes from is that the tree on the shoe is believed to UH or at least there were theories that the tree on the shoe that is part of the Timberland em bloom is believed to have a noose hanging from it. Okay, I gotta google this. Yeah, no, look it up. It's it's there's a there's there's a little bit of an argument here. I've never had a pair of Timberlands because I'm from the West Coast for real.

Oh ship, Yeah is there? I can't tell. Yeah, that's part of what they argue is that like it's some ship that you really got to like study. Okay, and and that is there. But but now they're like marketing towards black people, right, well that was the original. Some of what we discovered in this episode is that they did not originally market towards black people, and in fact pushed back pretty hard when the the shifts started to happen.

They were a working class boot for working class white men, and then it started to shift into hip hop culture, and at one point statements were made where they were like, hey, this isn't really what we were aiming for, and then they had to retract those statements and fully become like the Nigga shoe brand, but working class what they always expensive, No, I mean expensive in the sense that like they were, they were expensive for a workman's boot, but you were

meant to like buy a pair of Timberland's and keep them forever and always. That was their big argument, was like, yeah, you're investing a hundred and fifty dollars in these bad boys, but these this is like your forever shoe. And it wasn't until hip hop sort of introduced its relationship with them that they started going, well, you're gonna need a new pair of Tims every year because because they get scuffed and they don't look good no more. I see. I always felt like if I got Tims, get the

beef and broccolis, because they would hide dirt better. M hm. But so here's why I don't believe this conspiracy theory. Okay, tell me more. Timberland, not just as a company but as a product has helped out too many black people for it to have, like to for it to be run by something like the KFK. Almost said, the KFK,

I'm connection is running Timberland. Like think about how many black men have gotten some Tims and then got laid or a deal or something like or just like we're able to stunt on people like it causes black people too much joy for me to think that they would want to be invested in that. Yeah, I think you're You're right to feel that way. What we discovered in the episode is that Timberland's actually owned by a family of Jewish people, and so they have they have no

connection whatsoever to the to the KKK. Moreover, this conspiracy theory, similar to the first one we discussed, actually was a part of another Internet email chain of a poem that was supposedly written by Maya Angelou where she suggests that Timberland is owned by the KKK. But I assure you this poem was not written by Maya Angelou and could not have been written by anybody who has written poems before. I bet that she. Do you think she said Timberland before, right,

Maya Angelo? Yeah? Huh do you think she ever? Because her voice was like I would love to just hear her say it, and we'll never get that chance. I wonder if she ever said it in private. I bet she said it before. Here's what I think might have happened. She was in poetic Justice, and there is some possibility that when she was hanging out with all those rapscallions on Poetic On the set of Poetic Justice, she mentioned, yeah, guy she was shown off to Guy Tori. I know Timberland.

I've smoked jazz cigarettes Timberland, Timberland. The KKK owns Timberland, Guy Tori. Man, I would pay one thousand dollars to watch a conversation between may Angela and Guy Tori and then like Pop trying to get in, but she like won't let him talk and she's not interested in pop. No, she likes that darkkneat. Do you think to smashed respectfully? Oh so in this story, you're feeling like, oh, there's a sexual chemistry happening here. Yeah, that's why she's trying

to relate. I thought that's what you were saying. No, I think I was just thinking that she was like personally fascinated with the the death of Guy Tori. But I love that You're like, but also she trying to suck on him. I didn't say it like that. She's one of the greatest poets our nation's ever trying to suck on it. Come on, man, don't bail on me at. Okay, you're right, I'm still in it. I'm still in it. Maybe yeah, I think maybe she was trying to suck

on it. You don't get old and stopped wanting to suck on it. I assume now you gotta you gotta do that till the day you die. You gotta want to suck on it till the day you die. Then we miss you, Maya. Let's let's say that before we move on to our next when we miss I don't like that you called her Maya. It feels too familiar with that. It's two familiar, Miss Auntie Angelou. We missed you very much. I'm sorry for this whole last five minutes. It's not good and we didn't frankly, we'll have to

cut it out. But but we had fun. I liked it. I mean I liked it. I it's complicated. Okay, here's a fun one that came from from but sheher salahudin shy Down. That's right. I'm I'm glad you knew. But Sheer came with a conspiracy theory that actually, uh put a spin on one that I thought I believed. But but Sheer said, my mama told me that rich people are investing in space exploration so that they can kick the poor people. Off of Earth. Oh that's backwards from

what I thought. So they're not trying to escape themselves, they are trying to set it up so that they can get rid of us. That seems like too big of a project mmm to me, Like just like logistically, there's so many more poor people and the earth is already kind of like heading down. Yeah, that it seems to me like this is backwards. I like, like, I like that. I like it in theory, but I do think that, like that's just right, you know what I'm saying. No,

the numbers feel off. I agree with you. But here's what piques my interest is that rich people don't leave where they are right that it is much harder for them to set up a new system and a a new hierarchy, a new functioning structure, because how will they still be rich And how would they still be rich if everybody is up there with them? How will they

ensure that their resources don't get depleted? If you go to Mars, you are still outsourcing all of your materials and oxygen and all that ship, Like, it's a lot of fucking work that they're expecting to do. Whereas if they stay here and ask us to do it. The physical labor is available and they don't have to change their lifestyles at all. That makes sense. But also wouldn't they need some poor people to stay because they who

would do all the work. And I think, I think to that point, he never specified that it's kicking all the poor people off of I think he's saying, like, we can kind of start to skim the extra bodies off the top, get rid of some folks, and still keep our laborers here to serve as as they need. I mean, I could, I I could believe that it's

like it's like them busting all the homeless people to California. Yeah, it's California is a nice place to live, but not if you got busted there by a bunch of people who don't are about you. Yeah, but it's better than Milwaukee. It's better than Milwaukee, you know what. Objectively, even if you know everybody in Milwaukee, California is better than Milwaukee. I think everybody in both places would agree. Yeah. I don't think anybody in Milwaukee's like this fucking guy. He

doesn't know what we got going here in Milwaukee. We got a waterfront, we got two breweries here in Milwaukee here in Milwaukee. Uh yeah, I'm I'm for this one. I think I think I think I get it because I think it was like also if you did it on some slow ship, Like, it's not all gonna happen tomorrow, right, it's like a it's like a generational plan. Yeah, they're

not gonna put all of us out at once. I think it's more of like picking and choosing who can go at one time and then suddenly convincing a bunch of people to join them, either willingly or unwillingly. Yeah, I think that was solid. I think that a good one. Let me let me ask you this, where do you land in the uh in in the space exploration of it all? Are you willing to go to space? No? Not at all, not even a little bit. Man, tell

me why what bro Like? Yeah, it could be great, but it could be asked and then I'm just out there. Yeah you know what I mean. Like the risk doesn't seem worth the reward. I'm not like that. I'm not like, I'm not I'm not that adventurous man. There's a bunch of places in the and then there's places in America. I haven't been the funk I gotta go to space, go to the Florida Keys. So to your point there, there's plenty of exploration you could do here that doesn't

require any space navigation of any kind. Yeah, I space is interesting or whatever. I have no wanter need to go see it. I respect that that that makes that that lands about where I'm mat with it. Like the reality is like I ain't gonna get to see all of Earth even even if I stopped doing this now and just started exploring. And there's enough resources to figure out here that I don't got to be up on the moon or nothing. Bro. I lived in Los Angeles for like six years. I've been to the West Side

seven times, like, and it's scary over there sometimes. Man, there's a lot of a lot of weird coffee shops I don't understand. Yeah, So it's like, yeah, no, I'm not for it, but yeah, I do believe in this conspiracy. Here's an amazing one. This is one of my favorites that came to us from the Lucas Bros. The Lucas Brothers New Jersey, New Jersey. That's their Jersey boys. Yeah, the Lucas Bros. Actually came with a conspiracy where they said, my mama told old me that the Brandy curse is

real vs op or I want to be down. We're talking, I want to be down. But I do think if you drink enough Brandy, you you curse yourself in a different way. For if you're drink enough Brandy, you want to be down. You want to be down and you're not getting back up? Baby? What is the Brandy curse? Oh,

I'm so happy you asked that. The Brandy curse is a debate that has long stood online of every actor on on Brandy on the show, Moitia actually being cursed with death that like all people in all things close to Brandy eventually die and die and sort of like unfortunate or or terrifying circumstances. Is this because Hakim died. It's not just Hakim, but yes, he is a major fact.

They're here, but Hakim has died. Merlin Santana died, the dude who Hog that's right, Adele Dale whatever her name was, yeah, died and Dale that was her name. Bernie Mack died, who was also Uncle Bernie on the show. Then, on top of that, as you may well know, Moish Brandy has also killed multiple people in a car accident that was not her fault. It wasn't her fault, but in a car crash, two people died out a result of

of being close to her. And then there's some other sort of like looser examples of people who being close in proximity to Brandy have suffered various kinds of curses or sort of like down faults in their lives. Here's the thing, though, Shirley Ralph ain't going, Monique ain't going well, frediro Star ain't going with us, baby, all mainstays on

the Mosha platform. Ray J gonna be two that thriving doing Wow, he should not he shouldn't be doing anything, but he's fucking thing by all accounts, should have been dead. Like there's too many I get that. A lot of people. I think that listen. I think that Brandy sucks. I think they would go back to what I like the music. I think if you go back and watch that show Mosha kind of a bit, bro, when was the last time you watched it. I haven't watched Moisia sometime. Yeah, man,

go back and watch Moisha. She's a bit damn. Was she just a bad friend? What was She's just like She's always making fun of Kim for being fat. She's like super mean too, d who's just trying to help her out, Like her dad bought her a Saturn for her birthday and this bitch said no, that's not my style and made him take it back. And she was like, I guess save up for a jeep. Funk out of here. You got a free car. I didn't like get a car. My first car was six dollars. I was like three,

Like I just don't. I don't well, I'm starting to hate our guts just off deep dive she was. It was like, yo, you watch that show and it's like crazy where you're like, I can't even believe this got through, Like nobody. I feel like the writer's room. That's who we need to get because somebody from that writer's room, because I feel like the writer's room. They peeped it and they were like, you know what, Brandy's kind of a bit. Let's just make the show about her being

kind of a bit. So they you're saying, if I'm understanding you correctly, that Brandy was giving negative vibes to them during the creation of the show, and they subsequently punished her through through the writing, Mosia is not a super likable character like she always does the mean this rudest thing. First, Wow, I gotta go back, you gotta go back. It's on Netflix right now. Shout out to Shout out to ray J, though I don't want him to feel like I don't want this to funk up

our relationship. Yeah, you don't want to get on ray J's bad side. He's a man who will send people to sex you in the butt. According to he will get his sneakers who like his ownly mission. He will pay people to come fuck you in the bootio. Because I guess he's upset with you, I'm not really sure. For those of you that are unfamiliar, I don't want you holding me accountable for me being uh not having taste.

This is truly something ray J said on the Breakfast Clubs That interview in reference to Fabulous, who has come up twice in this episode. Now, but he was very upset with Fabulous, who made fun of him for playing a piano at Floyd Mayweather's house, and then he threatened to have Fabulous uh both murdered and sex in the butt. I don't know the order. I don't know you gotta hope for murder. Second. Right, if you just for the morality of the humans connected to this, you gotta hope

for murder. Second. I think in for a penny, in for a pound. If you're willing to do both for money, it's like, whatever, all right, I guess I can happen on accent. Remember we yeah, and that's not good. No, I'm not saying it's good. That's not I'm not like saying we pay as a hero. I'm just saying that I don't know what I'm saying. Actually, this is going that and that's sort of my point here. This really

went off the rails. But the point is there are some who believe that Brandy and Moesia, specifically the Moesha program, but Brandy as an entity, is cursed and curses all those that are close to her. You seem like you're not buying it. I'm not for it. I just I feel like the people who have survived on that show have not only survived, but thrived. Shoutout to Abbott, Elementary, serreleye, Ralph. I mean, she looks she looks the same age that she did on Moesia. It's amazing. We need to get

her on she does. Yeah, no, listen, if she ever is not busy again in the future, boy, would we love to have her just to talk to Serre Lee Ralph and not trying not to say something weird. That would everything. I probably wouldn't say a lot. Yeah, I don't think you can. I would definitely have jewelry on them. I would not come in the way that I come in usually some kind of a i'd wear. I'd be

wearing purple, for sure. I get that. You gotta he got to come in with a sort of royal energy and hope that she can she can see that on you some type of Maybe I'll make some type of gloves out of a ground royal bag or something or something or something freestylent. I'll look at I'll look at the latest g qu I'll get some ideas. Listen, you'll you'll get some ideas. I want us to to leave on a fun one. And and this is a really fascinating one that I I'd love to hear your thoughts on.

It actually comes from us, comes to us from a person who I bet you'll know where he's from from, a gentleman named Troy Walker. Troy Walker mile high till I died, baby, not even going to side what appen? Fuck yeah, you know where he's from. But Troy Walker came with a conspiracy theory that I don't think I'm ever gonna get over enjoying. But he said, my mama told me that slavery was faked and black people were already in America. First of all, known Troy shout Detroit.

We just went and got a stick dinner. He got too drunk to walk homes out. It's like a week ago. Let's just say, Okay, my mama told me that black people were already in America and slavery was not real. Slavery was fake. There was no actual slavery, is the argument. So he's not saying that like he's said. Does he mean like slavery like the Triangle trade wasn't real, like

they from Africa? They were just all here. So part of where this comes from is that a bunch of people have started asking online why don't we have any slave ships? If slavery was such a big deal and so many people were transferred to America over so many years, why do we never see any old slave ships? And to that question, why don't you see any old East India t Trading company ships. Why don't ships like ships they become different things. Yeah, I think you're ahead of

the game already on what we landed on. But I do think that that ultimately was the question sort of being presented. And there are a bunch of people online that go, ain't no slave ships, meaning there were no slaves. Black people were already here. We just got a scammering on us, which kept us sort of like in this position of servitude. That's for stupid people to think, what are you talking about. It's like heavily documented. It's heavily

documented in Africa. It's heavily documented in the Caribbean. It was a system. It's heavily documented in the America's bro, here's the thing, man, we need to quit thinking that people are working that hard to trick us. Yeah, you understand. It gives a lot of credit to the white man of being like a mastermind in a way that that

I don't like. Yeah, it's like maybe they were just kind of bad people and they thought they could buy and so people they are not thinking about us enough to construct some type of crazy elaborate Yeah like that, because that wouldn't that wouldn't have helped them. Like that's how we got rich, baby is free labor. America doesn't

get as rich as America got without free labor. Like the whole reason we are where we are now is because of black people working for free So it's like you can't really like you can't cut that part out of American history and still have like us be where we're at. And I think, I think I will say that part of what the argument is, if I'm understanding

it correctly, is that it wasn't. They're they're arguing that the free labor does still exist, it just wasn't under the the context and circumstances that we understand it to be. If that makes sense, that we were not captives but in fact just living here and then forced into free

labor in a different way. But maybe they're not. And if slavery is people because you know why Africans called the Dark Continent is because the coastline is so difficult to sail out of m That's like, that's like a big part of why Africa is the way it is. That's why there's not a ton of ports city, Like it's difficult to sail out of So Africans, weren't like exploring like that, like, because it would have still been the same people, right, it would have been West Africans.

I assume if they if they came by boat. Otherwise, if they didn't come by boat, how else would it? Like, I just that doesn't I don't think that gives credit to black history. Like I I think that's stupid. I think it's tone. Yeah, you're you're real mad at this one. Yeah, you're raging because it's like as bad as slavery is, you have to acknowledge it in what it did to set this country up the way that it did. So to be like we were just here and then they

pulled a trick on it. It doesn't give any credit two black people's role in making this place great. What I'm saying. Yeah, I think it's like, I think it's very dismissive and black people. You have to have a way that we got here. It's very undermining almost in into everybody involved except for the white man, you know what I mean. It's like everybody else is just a big old dumb dumb. But the white man, he could he could write any story and we'll believe it because

he's so smart. Yeah, and why didn't they do that with the Native Americans? Then? M M, I'm saying that's right. Also, like, what is there because we know they were here? Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't like that one. I think that one's bad. I don't. I'll go so far as to say, I don't think Troy's mom told him that. I think he. I think he googled it. Yeah, you google this, Troy, And and you know what, Troy, fuck you, fucking Troy for wasting our goddamn time a second time around with

your stupid conspiracy theory. Yeah, but also shout out, yeah, we got a big steak the other day. Enjoy your steak, you drunk idiot, And no more conspiracy theories for you, Troy. All those fruity drinks, I mean drinks, I don't mean drinks that were fruit filled. I don't. I'm sorry, but what Troy, do you remember what his go to drink was? It was like they were He was just like, because Troy has have been drinking that long, So he's like, if I want something sweet, and I was like, I

got you. He had like three and he kept saying, I'm not gonna lie. These drinks are working. And I know Troy alright, big dog. They take it easy on those Amorado sours. You're gonna you're gonna start to feel your knees a little differently. Yeah, he was leaning. He was leaning, but shout out, shout out Troy, shout out Troy, Fuck you Troy. And uh and I think we did it. I think this is this is a successful recapping of

of some of our our most classic episodes. I feel pretty strongly, Yeah, no, you performed well and uh and I feel good about what we did. And hopefully you at home feel the same. Except for the Maya Angelo thing. And you haven't shipped yourself yet. Oh you're You're almost done with your coffee. You'll get there. I want everybody know it's a Starbucks. Yes, the boy goes to Starbucks. Now he's he's a different person than he was previously. No big deal. I got Martin DVDs. I go to Starbucks.

That's my life now, David. Could you tell the people at home where they could find you what cool ship you have going on? You can find me on Instagram at cool guy jokes. Sadie seven, you should come out on September fifteen in Los Angeles. I'm doing a show at the Allusion. Langston is doing one tonight. But this podcast is coming out too late, that's right. I I am bad at promoing. But you should go see David

at the Allusion on September fift Oh. You should also see Langston Kerman at Faded Comedy, Denver at the date that we had agreed upon, which I know somewhere is recorded, but I don't know off the top of my head. Right now, I believe it is the third Friday in October. Third Friday in October sounds correct to me. The two. Yes, it is Langston Kerman Faded Comedy, Denver. We got a step and repeat. We got dark liquor, we got light liquor. Don't worry about the Brandy Cruz. Come get that teletic

Kili curse. Yeah, she I think is like an anti Baxter. I don't know, but yeah, come to come to come to those things. Look on my Instagram. I'm around. Yeah, she actually is a a Nazi. Now if that it's way worse than uh, she isn't not. Yeah, she doesn't know though she has no glue. Uh. And it was gonna tell her, you know, I'm not. I'm not gonna tell her, but but please follow David and come see him at the Allegian or any of his upcoming shows.

And uh, similarly, you can see me at the Allegian a couple more times, I believe, the the seven, and the twenty ninth. Right now of August, I'll be back at the Allegian performing an hour. So if you're you're in the Los Angeles area, come there and otherwise just keep a lookout for other days. You can follow me

at Langston Kerman dot or Langston Kerman dot com. You can, I guess I don't do shit on there, but uh, anyway, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to add to the one hundred episodes two hundred episodes of of of Mania that we've experienced here at least a hundred and thirty two, like Martin, then uh, you can send them to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to

hear from you. Otherwise, that's it. Bye, bitch, my crop chips in your quals, racist, the whole schools, Marney Attorney stuff. I can't tell me