UFO aka Unidentified Floating Ocean (with Jeff Wright)

Swallowed. Have you ever been swallowed up? Have you got doing time of swallowing where everything was overwhelmed?

Me?

Yep, that's that. That can happen at anytime.

It will.

I'm sorry.

We just got who that's not. That's not that's t j that's crazy.

Not only is that d D. Jakes, but he is killing when he's doing that ship.

They're going to the race. If you could see his face when he did it, he felt it too, like his eyes are kind of closed. It's good.

Yeah, truly, I've never had a set that good in my life.

We gotta try that next time. Next time you get back on stage.

You got to just go up, go up with that line.

I used to be. I used to be a teacher. Have you ever been.

Where the ladies that have you ever been?

Chips in your.

Bears? Are racist? The foes, the money man turned stuff.

I can't tell me. Let me lick you up and down till you say stop. Welcome little Mamas and gentiles to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

The podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

And we finally worked to prove that Alex Rodriguez was, in fact always that color. He was whitefishing us during the baseball Come on, okay, come on, here is black Potskay.

This was just he was just doing the white face for mass appeal.

Come on. He was like, I played for the Yankees. There's a lot of Italian guys in the Bronx who have to be on board for me. Let me bump it up a couple of ships.

Derek Jeters around here running, you know what I mean? Just come on, smashing ladies left and right.

I gotta I gotta be lights I this.

Is a light skinned brand over here. I gotta give it go.

Now he's reached his final old black man form. He has that he has that fucking uh that cell phone device in the ear where you answer it Bluetooth. Yeah, there's no time. We don't need that anymore. No, we don't even that's a dead technology.

We're literally putting micro chips in people's brains. But Alex Rodriguez Nam, He's like, give me a give me the thickest bluetooth.

You have to give me a sweet tea and hit me on the blue teoth. I'm black as hell now I'm black.

Is that it is? It.

I'll say this to his credit, and I I love to give credit where blackface is. Due to his credit, I will say that it is a It feels like a genuine choice, do you know what I mean? Like it doesn't there's no benefit for him coming out darker than he was before, for sure, and so it truly does feel like a almost like how those Japanese people wear black face, where it's like it kind of comes from a genuine appreciation more than like making fun of a community.

I have complicated feelings. Okay, yeah, yeah, let's gets get in. I'm David.

I'm like Zink Kerman, and our guest today is a very funny comedian. We're so happy he's here. He is a writer, a performer of all kinds, you know, in best from his work on Late Night with Seth Myers. He's great. Give it up for Jeff Wright, everybody. Okay, you're Jeff you're here, give me all, give us all your thoughts on Alex Rodriguez's face he's making to the black community.

I don't like the fact that he walked it back. I don't like that.

He went, guys, guys, I'm Hispanic and that's why I look like this. You know sometimes you know I know black, I know black. I'm just I don't like that part about it. You could have said in that there was nothing wrong with your tan. That tan was a little crazy. I feel like he looked like that episode of SpongeBob when they was trying to get super tan.

I think he reached the peak of it. I thought he looked good. I'm trying to I'm trying to forgebout why he walked it back.

But but yeah, I thought I thought it was a I thought it was very conscious choice. And then the public was like, hold on, he's black, and he's.

Like, I know black, I know BLACKY get that.

He definitely feels like he's so tan, because there's a level of tan. If you have straight hair and you get super tan, there's love where it stops being looking black and it starts looking more kind of like an Indian type of situation.

Yes, it starts looking real East Eastern Asian.

Yeah, South Asian.

I believe it. I'm not gonna say it because I don't know.

I don't need no special terms.

Yeah, every time I try to use a term on this, I get canceled.

So don't do it all my episode.

No, no more racial terms.

Let's just keep that for the private jet.

I I.

Just think that if he were to take pride in his hand, this could be a celebratory choice. And I think, unfortunately, he'll obviously walk it back and say, like, that wasn't what I meant to do. I got burned up real bad. It'll say some dumb ship. But it's like, man, you should just be proud that you're like, I want to be a black man.

Yeah, he said he fell asleep in the sun, even the sun. Was that what he said?

Yeah, He's like, I was taking the tan in the sun and I fell asleep and the sun was like come on, man, you know I didn't do that to you. You you if that's the key to that game trying to lose, show.

Me the receipts, Show me the receipts. You better look like a fucking the whole his has better be white. Then the part that he fell asleep exposed to should be, but then the whole backside should be a different I don't know how it works.

No, I agree, pull your pull your meat out Alex Rodriguez, Let's let's make sure that that you're not lying to us that.

Because you can check. There's no other way to check.

I mean, I butt, but we can. Yeah, he can take his meat out.

Yeah, no, I want to show you me, Alex Rodriguez.

Even that's very reasonable. Nah, you guys, I'm trying to see me. We already saw. I saw the one celebrity meet I need for the whole year. We don't need anymore celebrity meet this year. You're talking about Drake's meat. Is that what you're I'm talking about Drakes me. I'll say this, that was crazy. What an angle, That's all I got.

It was a wild That's great. It was a wild angle. It was a wild choice it truly, it was a wild piece. Everything about the video was shocking.

Left it Yeah, and the most Drake fashion. Yeah, he didn't take a picture. He took a video. He took a.

Video and the angle can only be described as a gooch centered.

Uh it was.

It was. It was a wide angle, goot centered shot. It was in where he was beating his meat and but he had his shirt on, uh, no pants, just a shirt and goots and then his it was so large that it was it was flapping around as he was jerking it, and and it's sort of like had a windshield wiper effect to it.

It was a wild video. It sucked.

Even you know, the drop of it was at this moment, I need that drop right now.

I mean, here's what I don't have that I have this.

There was doo too, feces thrown all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and a stunk. This is a this is I want to tell you that this is a unusual start for us, Jeff, but this is generally how the podcast works. We usually start with a little bit of meat talk, I take it back, and then we get into our real conspiracy theories.

Yeah, I love it.

He goes straight to the meat. Straight to the meat.

First, you came with the conspiracy theories that I'm really excited about. We don't get to talk about aliens enough on the podcast, I think. But you said, my mama told me aliens are real, but they live in the ocean, not in the sky. Tell us everything, you know.

First of all, we keep going outward when we need to go in. The aliens been here the whole time.

First of all, there's parts of the ocean that we still have yet to discover, right, like pressure will kill us before like you saw them the merch white men tried to figure it out.

They tried to do They weren't looking for the Titanic.

They were looking for aliens and them aliens said not today, not on my watch, is what the alien said.

But I think that is.

What I think.

Like every time you see like movies and they draw aliens, don't they kind of look like octopus and like creatures from down below. Like I'm sure there's there's creatures that we still haven't seen yet. But we still want to go to space. And I know the aliens are lasting. It's like going out there. They're going further away.

We're not. We're not even over there.

There's no I think life is in the ocean under the scene, and I think Atlantis and all that.

Is where the real aliens are.

I love it.

I tend to agree with you. I do think that I think this is fairly common sort of knowledge. But they say that we've discovered more about outer space and we have about our own oceans, and the logic there feels somewhat impossible if it were not for the fact that, like, Yo, there's a bunch of shit down there that we're not get ready to deal with.

You know, it's mostly that the Earth is mostly down there.

Honestly, if you think about it, it's like where where do you train for space?

They use water to figure it out? Right, It's like we've been going about it the wrong way. It's like the J.

Cole line. You know, the good news is you came a long way. The bad news is you went the wrong way. And that's what we do when we go to space. Every time we should have been going in the water.

That's true. I'm I'm on the border for this completely.

Yeah, this feels right to me, And I do think in general, even our most imaginative like representation into what outer space creatures, fucking aliens look like, to your point, they're never nearly as crazy as a fucking thing that we've pulled from the ocean. Like I remember a few years ago when we found out about that goblin shark. Y'all, remember the goblin shark. Never forget Yeah that one that

It's terrible or like even like the ship we know about, Like, didn't they just find the first baby great white shark? The whole time known about great white sharks, they just found the baby just now there's too much going on down there.

Yeah, much going on down for.

It's out under the seat, I think, uh, Like I feel like Anime is ahead of his time.

Like I don't know if you guys ever seen one piece people people?

Okay, yeah, sure, real.

They come up like this monster and all that. That's real that Like I'm just saying.

I don't want to make it too hot because I don't want no U, no Atlantean to pop up on me.

But but yeah, I.

Think I think the term is atli.

Damn, damn, damn, damn the uh. I do think there is so much undiscovered down there, and it does feel like I do you all. I'm sure you both have seen clover Field, the film clover Field, and I remember Oridge in the original version of it, or at least in my first interpretation of it. I thought that that film was about a person or or rather an a in from outer space. But as I've come to discover, especially when they show it at the end, it actually

Resting, cause it's like the nature of down there is the exact opposite.

In portals and ship in portals o. Even the he was in a portal, like I think.

The seed is like, it's like, what's that one movie with it?

Even though it wasn't about it, but it elbow so handsome that was like, hey, put him on the cover Pacific Pacific.

Pacific is barely the main character.

But they was like, god, damn it, he looked good. You know what this movie is technically about it. But anyways, if you think about it, all of.

Us doesn't have an adopted Asian child in that film.

He does he does.

Yeah, Like that movie ain't the first diverse movie we've seen. That's like that was like all around diversity. They said it might need to be science fiction for it to be true, but we got a white male lead. It's just eubble on the side, steal in the light of Asian daughter and got it like creatures from the Abyss and tawda.

There we go.

I mean, and I don't want to sidetrack it's too much. But if you're talking about groups that don't interact often, black man Asian child probably the least interactive group ever.

Yeah, no, I don't think there's ever been a black man on this earth who's adopted an Asian baby.

What have you not seen The Golden Child with Eddie Murphy? That movie was.

Pink okay, if that is one very specific enough? He got me.

Touche.

I thought I was making a great point. I completely forgot about quite possibly the worst Eddy Murphy movie there is.

I loved it.

He ran around with a little with a little avatar and they tried to save the word.

That boy was the avatar. That was Jeff the Golden Child.

Let's let me ask you this question. You are clearly a firm believer that these aliens are popping up from the ocean, not from out of space. Where did this come from? For you? Was this something of your own cooking? Or is this something that someone in your life introduced and then you ran with it.

So me and my friend Karen, who is also a writer performer, she was on The Amber Show, and I was like, man, if aliens exist, they better not come to me first because I'm I'm snitching.

I'm not gonna like what I got to say, you know.

And then uh, we were like, I mean, what they come.

From out of space? That'd be scary. Like what's the craziest place they could come from? And it's like there.

Was the movie with Tom Cruise and they just kept coming from the ground and like and kept hitting it.

We were like, yo, they.

Probably are already here of the ground. And it's like, when you think about it, we're seventy percent water. Now when I go into the facts, it makes it sound legit. So this is just a theory. By the way, I don't I've reserved the right to not get killed by these alias because.

Whoa, we don't.

We don't second guess ourselves on this show.

No, No, we just we mostly talked from the heart. It's not really a fact based podcast.

Yeah, leaving the caveat out there, but they so like we're seventy percent water. It means water is such a big part of who we are. But yet we only know so much of the ocean, which is most of what the world is, right, So it would only naturally be right. And I think humans are so arrogant, we would honestly think we're the only people here smart enough to be cognizant of being here.

Right. So I feel like.

Aliens are like, you know what, let them have their little twenty percent of earth, will keep the eighty percent. They'll think that's the whole thing because they dumb, and we'll just have fun underwater.

Can they breathe underwater? And they're like, no, I bet we're good.

You know.

And I feel like that's what aliens were thinking. Yeah.

Yeah, most of us can't dive more than like three meters. Oh man, we truly can't get down there at all.

Facts. I mean, to quote a famous historian, it is much better down where its weather.

Who's that that.

Trying?

He was trying to tell that little girl not to sell out her entire race, which is all that film is about, by the way, it's about it.

She ultimately did a coon.

Ass fish lady who refused to stay loyal to her family. She was willing to sell out her father and her sisters to suck a dick above the ocean. And she did a white dick and she did. Wow, she picked the richest dick there was. Though she got good taste, she got expensive taste. The riches. No, fuck that the richest dick in that neighborhood. Prince Eric would he probably wasn't even like you know what I mean, he ain't a one percent or he's just like rich and who's staying or whatever he's.

In charge of, you know what I mean. He's like a duke.

He's not like that. She did.

That's crazy.

That's the whole premise of the film. And you're supposed to sympathize with her the whole time, seventy of the world.

Wow, that's crazy. I never thought about the power that she was giving up. That is that is damn. You really got me on that one. So you're you're no little mermaid in your house? Huh.

Unfortunately, the reason I know it so well is because it is constantly in my house. I'd be watching like, this bitch is the fucking devil, ungrateful. Only the was be like maybe come saying come be with your family and she was like, I need forks, I need zigamabobs and ship.

Her dad was trying to show her how cool the ocean was, and she was the whole.

Time, I want to go where the people are. And it's like, no, look look what we got here. You got seventeen different sisters. That's a good different species. Because because the king was getting around, he was outside like that.

Yeah, he had to hit the whole.

We had everybody.

Yeah, lobsters down here playing steel drums, bro caribbean bro a lobster. After the concert, we eat them niggas.

They were having such a good time.

Yeah.

Oh man, Yeah, that's it.

That's a little aeros of coon and I I stand behind that.

That's crazy, old man.

So baby damn, that's all right.

Well we need to take a break. We're gonna come back with more, Jeff right and more.

My mama told me.

We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.

Just sleek, it's sexy.

Come on, you want to tell them what we have.

Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.

Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to ma mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want you to have all the sweet stuff.

So get it.

Would you say that you're.

Racist, not at all.

No, Look, I'm a dog. He's as black as can be. We are back with Jeff Right and we are talking about the possibility. I think that at this point we've come around to the fact that it's pretty much a certainty the aliens do not, in fact come from outer space. They come from the ocean itself. Let's get into it. Here's here's one thing I have to say about this, aliens in the ocean. If they're aliens in the ocean, haven't they've probably just been here longer than we have.

Okay, yeah, you're doing a little bit of that. American versus Native American situation.

That's what that's what you're doing right now, playing with the alien right right now.

You you you're making.

Us sound illegal right now is what you're doing as Americans.

That's what you're doing. Get it off of America as people. This land sounds like that's what you're doing.

I think if there's the Maya's capitalized lower kids, I really struggle to think that they meant they meant that was an even share when they wrote that song. I think, yeah, yeah, this land, Your land was purchased by my people for fifty cents how much you to purchase twelve dollars and some beats.

We gave you corn, you taught us to make and took everything from you.

Anyways, what I'm saying is who it just speaks if they're down there going crazy and they've been down there forever, who's you? You know what I mean? Like, I like the idea that they're like, we don't even give it, although we are fucking up the ocean. So at some point they would have to come out and be like, hey.

Man, but that's how that's how I and in depth the ocean is you only fucking up two percent of it, which only affects y'all. Percent is not like we don't even know y'all. Honestly, we honestly alien is probably in the ocean, Like y'all smell something, Yeah, every time I go to.

The roof and smell like something. But yeah, we're straight.

Down here, fucking up we're doing you know what I mean, all smell.

Something, which I think it's kind of nice right that they're like, yo, you could do whatever you want up top. Y'all can all like extinguish yourselves, uh, in a burning fucking fire, and we're still gonna be down here chilling. I hope that that is true. I hope that they're they're truly down there having a good time as we burn, burn to fucking hell.

I mean, it makes sense with the amount of space, it is, like, yeah, why would they worry about what we're doing. Listen, given us I'm laying, I don't give a fuck about what birds are doing.

That's real at all. Yeah, No, I'm not checking in.

And bird bird birds be talking about us. They'd be like, hold on, y'all, y'all need to get on something to get around y'all gotta y'all, y'all can't.

Just move y'all bodies by yourself, Like.

Wow, made a fake, fake metal one of them.

It don't even do this, Like what are y'all doing? Flat?

No, it doesn't flap, it just falls slowly.

Yeah, our bodies are work. I went to the National History Museum and I was looking at all the bones yesterday and I was like, man, what is this?

This is what I got? Yeah, that's sad. When you really break it all down, when you.

Look at the bone structure, it's like, what was this supposed to do?

Olivia did a little bit of help in sending us a few articles and videos. The videos we can't watch on account of the circumstances we're in, but video of the articles that she sent us talk a little bit about what you're you're suggesting here. Jeff It says that in a recent study, scientist from the Natural History Museum in London discovered more than five thousand new, weird and wonderful creatures living on the seabed in the Clipperton Zone

There's a wild take that I just thought of right now, so it might not be a good take, but I think all the fishes and creatures that we see are the dumb aliens that the aliens don't want in their community anymore, and they're like, you all get to go get seen by the people. So all the sharks completely off the pus. Like, I'm from Florida, so I would have used a certain word, but I'm not gonna do it.

I didn't figure it out, but I think if you think hard enough about it, it's a word for designating people we think lowly of.

I guess, oh, there's two types, so okay, yeah.

Oh yeah, okay, yeah, which is.

I get. I do get that though, And then we're like enamored with the ones where we're like, oh, the beautiful whale songs they communicate, and the aliens are like those ones can't even talk.

We don't even know what they're saying.

The songs are off beat. Yeah, of course you found them. They're fucking dumb, big and flow like we.

Got we got dolphin Usher down here? What are you talking about?

Serious?

What are you talking about?

It's a beautiful song. Dolphin Usher is making hit after hit.

After it.

And y'all are y'all are going crazy for squeak squeak squeak, you fucking idiots.

Yo.

Uncer does come up a lot on this.

Podcast, does come up that lady was right about us, but are still.

Yeah, we got toughing usher, Yo. That's crazy because that makes me think, like that makes that I love the idea that there's just this whole world of possibility. We don't even know how great it is down there.

Yeah, now that we're really I think, to Jeff's point, we really are dropping the ball when we celebrate sort of like these minimal discovery that we're eating.

But if you think about the fish that we eat, we eat and the leftover dumb fish and like the good delectable, like delectable.

I don't know if that's the word I'm trying to say, but anyways.

The good that's the word.

Yeah, Yeah, it's okay. Cool.

Well, that fish is deep in the sea that we I mean, that fish will melt in your mouth.

Meanwhile, we eat in the.

Dumbest uh fish that's at the surface that we can see.

Man.

Yeah, now we're truly we're scraping the bottom of the barrel in the truest sense of the word.

And there's shrimp that's like eating mosquitoes.

Yeah, look look at this. Look at this one. It ships up its back.

Yeah. Yeah, we're up there. They're up charging for bugs, these fucking idiots. I love shrimp, and I love.

Shrimp, but I it's it's the seafood I love the most.

But no, yeah, but shrimp is like the lowest, the lowest level of fish.

Though.

It's like it's I don't even think fish respect triump. They're like, yo, y'all to.

That class fish. Shrimp is the worst class of that class.

I mean, but they're all trash, right, all show fish is trash, crabs, trash.

Yeah, it was slave food, man, it was the lowest. Look, man, I don't make the rules. White people. White people were like, we get this to the people we hate the most. And then suddenly that changed.

Man, could you imagine those days? Though You're like, yeah, I'm locked up, but I.

Mean I think they were doing fucked up things though, because like I think back then they weren't even letting you like boil the lobster. I think you just had to like smash it on the rock and like drink it wet or whatever the fuck is in there when it ain't, you know what I mean.

Put it in a castle roll or some nasty shit. Yeah.

I think they weren't getting to like eat lobster the way it's supposed to be eating. That's fair, let's be clear. Not like Mississippi slaves. They weren't eating lobster during triump. I mean, like back when white people were enslaving Australians and ship they were fucking they made them eat lobster as like prison food.

Wait, Australians were slaves, honestly, kind of makes sense.

Australian the the continent of Australia was a prison. Originally, it was where Europeans sent their like, uh, their their low lives and fucking scumbags to like serve. And then eventually people were just like, all right, well we could at least build like a a bar or something here, and then I mean, Australia also has natives.

Though you're forgetting, you're forgetting about all the Black Fellers.

And they were slaves in Africa too, like everybody has.

We do not discuss that on this podcast.

That's a nasty theory or spread.

That does not that's not we don't talk about that part.

Not a theory, a nasty thing you're making up there, Jeff.

We we just may have not done it to the peak of what the potential of.

It was a complicated system. No, that's all I got.

It is my favorite thing about talking to like niggas in the barbershop, where they'll be like, we was kings, we invented math, we did blah blah blah, and like I think we invented slavery too, and they're like, no, no, no, no, what.

Are you talking about?

The Dutch?

It was the Dutch.

It was.

A Dutch. Everybody slaved a little bit.

Everybody was slave crazy.

Everybody was slaving a little bit crazy.

Statement.

Yeah, I don't know where we go from here.

I don't either. I think maybe press a button so we can get a full resetience.

My man's supposed to schmeet his meat with this shit. Bro, What the fuck I forgot? How that was? What that drop?

That's a great reach.

I think that's good.

We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.

Just sleek, it's sexy.

Come on, you want to tell them what we have?

Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.

Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my mama told me dot merchcentral dot com and we want you to have all the sweets.

So get it.

Jeff, We let me ask you this. You seem to genuinely believe that the aliens are coming from from beneath us, not above us. Are you then suggesting that aliens do not exist above us, that there is nothing coming from outer space? Were you saying that the primary sort of alien threat, it's not a threat, but but primary alien source is below us.

That's a hmmm, I asked a hard hitting think. Yeah, no, no, no, this is right up there with who you won't vote for. To me, honestly, this is very hard for me, very hard, very hard.

I feel like they've both got bad people and good people on both sides.

I want to.

Say, I want to say, no, there's nothing in outer space. I just but there's also like so many galaxies and universes out there that I choose. I want to believe there's a different version of Earth there. But at the same time, I don't know how the black hole works, and like portals work, and like I don't even think we've come up with the words for what things are. I feel like aliens look at us and go, y'all named it that. That's lazy, like a black hole. It's like, bro,

If I were to extrapolate a little bit, it sounds like you're saying we're too dumb to know anything about where a lot of this stuff is coming from, and maybe it's all connected and the above and the below. It's sort of like a seamless thing that we've somehow separated just because our little brains can't manage it well enough to handle.

Liasan, I think I need you to summarize everything I say all the time, because that's exactly what I've been trying to say up, down, left, right. It doesn't mean that what we think it means. We just so dumb that we got to see it to believe it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, Like, honestly, what is G force? Because that's what we need to get a plane off the ground.

What is five G?

Come on, fier fiver, what is that? You know what I'm saying.

I don't know how the internet works.

Yeah, I think very few of us do. When when we have a bad connection, our first instinct is us to start over.

That's not so I can hear you just fine now, it's crazy.

You are coming in crystal clear right now.

Yeah, this episode has been a real challenge, But here you are.

Chris the five G. Thank you five G. I have blessed start over.

Come on, praise five G. Through whom all blessings glow.

Won't won't do it, won't do it.

I think we just found the name of the episode.

I think there has to be. I don't trust six G though.

No, six G.

Come on, that's when it went too far.

Yeah, that's I kept out in five.

What are you crazy? Scam six killed my grandmother?

Light your pocket on fire?

Yeah, you have your head explode like se Lo in that video. And we hope Selo is doing fine.

We do know he was at he was at the super Bowl.

No, that was Germaine Duprie and that, and you're doing a nasty little thing to poor Jermaine. They can't pull let's be clear, they can't pull se Loo back out because is a semi convicted sex offender. At this point, he's he's not a good man. I think we all have to Yeah. I think Mystical maybe is more criminal than se Loo. But I think they're near. I think they're in a nice little tight race of who can hurt women more Mystical. That guy who wouldn't stop yelling.

Yeah, we would have thought the guy who wanted to fight a bear.

Yeah, the guy with that song. It ain't my fault.

Who would have thought he wasn't big on accountability.

Man, I hope this podcast never blows up because we're gonna have to be accountable to a lot of people.

Bro.

I think about that all the time, Like we don't we don't even kind of be careful with this shiit yo.

We're just always saying names.

That's why I don't talk about Tyler Perry because that's too close to my world.

You know what I mean. But that's fine, that's cool, that's fine.

Like, what is he gonna do until they invite you to the BET Awards twenty thirty?

Oh yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

I really, I truly do believe at some point I'm gonna come in contact with Terry Crews. Do you take that? I'm gonna have to take that.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, we're here. Now, what'd you say about Terry crew A lot.

Of off, a lot of stuff, and I feel it, But like I also beat my man, it's gonna be a bad day. Just don't share the TMZ article, y'all. Honestly, I'm gonna drop to all fours and launch you off my back and then you come at him.

If he still comes out undefeated. That autist that's the man right there. Yeah, if y'all fight Terry Crews, y'all get a.

Solid Come on now, y'all get a solid one of those I got, y'all.

Yeah, we're brothers alone.

That's why people watching. That's all the best I can do.

Leave those little guys alone and honestly be like, yeah, honestly.

Me and then justice anywhere, justice everywhere.

I'm a pepper spray. I'm like, I'm a single mom.

The weapon's coming from. He's so quickly becomes like a family guy fight. It becomes a family guy fight.

Pull it out.

I'm pulling out whatever I can against Terry Crews. All them show muscles.

They're tell I'm going to bite him, yeah, because you know it's cardios probably up to.

Yeah, you need a rhino tranquilizer to put that down, and I don't. I don't got time for that. So we're doing some weird ship all right.

Well, we think that we got to get to the crux of this vision. I think I think I could smooth all this. I think I could fix Really.

You think you think you could? You think you could j prince this Terry Crews beef between us between Okay, if.

You think, I'm willing to have a sit down.

But what about this?

Granted we don't know about the paying it forward aspect of it, but what about playing the game?

What do you what? What much of that do you lend to people?

Bro, you're talking to the worst game player ever. I live in Denver, doctor. Yeah.

We do this on Zoom because he's not available.

I'm track the game.

I'm not like Denver. You're not playing the game the right way. Brother.

You know, I'm not like a noted industry. I'm barely hanging on to be honest. Yea, they got this ran?

Are you from Denver originally?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

I ain't know they had, you know, I was just I was. I was in Colorado, but I ain't seen no.

Other black people in over there.

Man.

Yeah, I went. I had to go to snow Mask. Snow Mask, Colorado where we're at. Yeah. No, it was a lot of rich white people.

Though, were you no?

Not what happened?

Yeah? For New Years up in the mountains.

I wasn't know.

I was there like a couple of weeks ago for just random white people. I just had to perform a show, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but but yeah, I didn't know.

You existed out there. Then that's crazy.

I think at some point you gotta be there though, because you got to help out our population.

You know what I'm saying, You gotta help our numbers.

I mean I was in la and then I thought that the world wasn't going to come back from the pandemic. Was that a bad estimation on my part? Yes? It was yeah, yeah, yeah, bet big too, bet it all, bet it all. Listen, wait, we're coming back from my man.

Packed up his boxes March twenty first.

It was like, this is not where I'm going to spend the end of the world.

Yeah, you mean, we gotta wipe off our groceries, come out.

I'm going home.

Where are bath Yeah?

But when I tell you I experienced COVID and Florida, I knew he was coming back.

I said, these people didn't go anywhere.

Yeah, you never left.

Y'all didn't change up a thing. Y'all are like.

Florida.

Somehow, Florida is the future of America. If you want to know what's going to happen to America later, look at Florida, because we are the America. So you got Disney which is the mirage. That's what the American dream is.

Right.

Then you got the Swamp, that's the true America, but no one really pays attention until some news comes out. Then you got Miami. That's like the LA and the New York of it. All the distractions just kind of similar to Disney. But every time the story comes out with guns or backyards and stuff like that, that's what's slowly happening to America.

Florida's ahead of his time.

I'll take that.

The one freaks out over.

It, I'll take that. I'll take that. I think that's very reasonable.

That does. That makes a lot of sense. Florida is more an ugly reflection of our own truth than it is a a dystopian hellscape that we try to pretend it is. We always feel like, man, Florida, they are so fucking nuts down there. It's like, no, we're nuts. They're just doing exactly who we actually are.

Also, have you been there? It's fun.

It's really fun.

Fun.

It's so fun there. I've never had a bad time, but yeah.

Dunk drunk as I've ever been in my life. Florida, Oh my god. I think there's like a color spectrum. There's like different shades of white that you can only see in Miami. It's like I've become a different person.

Then, Yeah, you.

Got every you got every every rod there, you got.

Every rod to zero, you got them all.

Oh yeah, well I think we did it. I'm not even sure that we we still remember what this episode was about anymore, but but we certain we have covered We've covered all of it, the aliens, the A Rods, the Z Rods, and everything in between. Jeff, could you tell the people where they can find you on what cool shit you have going on?

Jeff?

Right now, right now, I'm working on a special a project.

I don't know.

I don't want to speak on it too much because you know, I believe in the whole you speak on it before it happens, then it doesn't happen. But right now I got bad in the works. But most more than anything, working on late night doing stand up, you know, TikTok, and every now and then, when when I feel like it, I shout out to the people that will be on TikTok because I am so sparingly of a poster.

And I appreciate them. I appreciate it for it.

You know, but uh, yeah, you know, following me.

On Jeff right now, because I don't know. If I'm a never man, it was morbid, that will be morbid.

What happened?

Say that?

Can you say that? If I do that, it was Tyler Perry?

Okay, okay? And if he runs down on you, Langston will fight with.

You, bro, I'm gonna be honest with you.

I don't.

I don't fight billionaires.

Where we go.

You will fight Terry crews, but not. I can't billionaires would they got lasers? They got lasers and ship don't. I guess Terry cruise will just be Tyler Perry.

How much money before you tap out? Is it billions?

For sure?

Seven?

Tyler Perry can have me killed in my sleep with no evidence left behind.

I can't. I can't fight that. Yeah, that's Tyler smoke too.

As far as I'm concerned, him writing, directing, producing, all that stuff is adam generational talent.

I don't care for his work at all, but I'm I think it's I think it's dog shit, and I think he's abusing the fuck out of the people of Atlanta that said, hey, I keep my hands up in the air when the nigga walk in the room because because I don't want to do I think he is manipulating generation after generation of poor black person into buying into a god awful representation of who we are. That said, he walks into the room, and I bow my head the way the rest.

Of us do. I sort of God, We're never gonna work again when this ship blows up. Bron we backed ourselves into a corner.

Dad, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I said all this before I got put on.

I reserved the right to change my mind about all these views.

And you know what, sometimes I say things that I don't mean.

Boy, you want to tell the people where they can find you.

Apparently you can find me in Florida. It's the only state that will have me. I've ruined my entire show business career. Cool guy jokes said, you seven on Instagram if you want to, if you want to go see some dates. This is my victory. Lap. I'm about this, bitch. Watch Royal Crackers on HBO Max or Max. I think it's just called every week. I appreciate it.

Yeah, and as always, you can follow me at Langston Kerrman on all the social media platforms. I ain't got no tour dates coming up. I'm chilling. I'm trying to take it easy.

Uh.

And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us exactly how we'll be assassinated by the powers that are very upset with the words that we're using, send it

Think the government bangs my crown chips in your means. All Kuala bears are racist, the host layer hostal money, our ships turney stuff.

I can't tell me govern