"Too Much Sauce" with Shalewa Sharpe

my crown chips in your hands. Quala bears are racist, the Ostler mostly money, marshal attorney stuff. I can't tell me nothing. Yeah, welcome, ladies and gentlemen to an unbelievable episode of My Mama Told Me, where we dive deep into the world of black conspiracies. We might finally answer the question who stole wipp Be gold works eyebrows. We don't know, We're gonna find out, and we're gonna dig deep. I'm doing well. I'm excited. I'm your host, Lenkston Kerman.

I'm so happy that you're here listening to us, and I'm even more excited that we are joined today by a dear friend, one of my favorite people in comedy. She's so funny. You've seen her on Two Dope Queens on HBO, You've seen her on The New Negroes on Comedy Central. She has two amazing albums on Spotify and Apple Music and all the other places that you download things. Give it up for Chole was sharp. Everybody. That's everybody? Why that is a big place. She got there all

those people you would think, we're not in quarantine. I know all these people I have in my home coughing in my mouth. Yeah, that's so sweet. Yeah, how you doing, I'm doing okay. Yeah, I'm happy you're here. I was just saying that this is reaching that weird part of quarantine where no one else is doing it, and so I feel as if that's driving me a little crazy. But how are you? How how are you handling? Oh?

I'm I'm fine. I've really uh kind of moved into my um staring at people out the window years a lot sooner, and I thought I would. I didn't see that for me for another like twenty years. But I'm strongly there now, and I am quietly yelling at people who walk by with no masks. On. Okay, you say you're yelling. Are you actually saying stuff or is it more just being irate in your brain? It's I'm furious

in my brain. Sure, But the most that I can do, like, uh, sonically, it's just and hope that no one can place what window that noise. I'd love to say anytime an older black woman does that sound, you know it's a it's a bad thing. You're not confused that this isn't judgmental, it's just can you place which window? This judgment? Yeah? Where did this come from? Yeah? So you know, I definitely have seen some reaction of just like a let me get a pep in my step and move it

along because someone has seen my full face. Now, yes, but you know it's just me and the cat judging people outside my window. It's it's not bad. I got you. Are you staying indoors? Are you are you completely locked in? Or are you venturing out into the w have to venture out for my job, which is I mean, it's fine.

I don't really run into anyone at my job, and I've been you know, taking cars there, but even that is like a you know, getting into someone's car and just rolling down the windows immediately right my head out like a dog. You know. It's I really thought that the apocalypse was going to be more like I am legend, do you know what I mean? Like, I think there was a part of me, and I'm sure we all felt this way where it was like, oh man, we're gonna have guns and be running from zombies. It's gonna

be wild. But it's just like now. Sometimes I gotta call it uber and asked the uber driver to put his mass back on. It's yeah. I thought we would be stepping over bodies, like carrying heavy sticks, and instead, I'm just annoyed that my lift driver missed the exit. I thought it was going to go day three out of Raisin. It's gonna venture outside and see if I can get some more. Yeah, that's a lot of that's a lot of what I'm doing. So I got you well, I I I don't want to dig too much further

into either of our depression. I'm excited today because you know that the podcast is my mama told me it's all about black conspiracy theories. You are a person who I know subscribes to black conspiracy theories and conspiracy theories of all natures, and so I am really excited you sent us a topic that I think is unbelievably engaging that I'm so excited to talk about. You said, my mama told me the chips and black neighborhoods have more

sauls on them than the ones in the white neighborhoods. Yes. I came upon this realization when I was in a Family Dollar, the neighborhood that I lived in when I was still in Atlanta to it was right around the historically black colleges I lived over there, which are Family Dollar, just for clarity, are known bad neighborhoods. Your more House, Yeah, you're other ones that I believe have been UM lost their accreditation anyway. Some of them aren't technically universities anymore, right,

But I mean, you know, the bands are good. But I so I lived over there. I lived near a grocery store that was also called a city center, so you know, it was one of those large grocery stores that had all kinds of things. And then in the front row, just beyond the registers, there were like a few um wig shops or jewelry places. I love. I love the idea that that a accredited University is just surrounded by wig shops as far as the eye can see.

It's just it's just elite education and Nicki Minaj wigs wherever you look. Oh that's it's so oh my goodness, I miss it. I miss it a lot. I missed being over there. But I was in a family dollar picking up some odds and ends. You know, your cocoa butter, you know what, dish towel, things like that happened. Happened if just the things you need a perfect grocery list. But I also had some chips, some pringles, some sour

cream and onion pringles. As the young lady behind the cash register was ringing me up, she boomed the pringles and then she looked at me, just very earnestly, and she said, you know what, I feel like, I love these chips, but I feel like when you get them like from here, they got more sauce on him. I mean, does she knew, she knew she was telling you poison and yeah, and she was like, I really, I mean I like these chips, but I really like to get him from here because they got more sauce on him.

I said, you were absolutely right, because I realized the reason I'm picking them up from here is because of the extra sauce. Uh, now that I think about it, Yeah, you're referring to it as sauce. I think that for me has been a jarring way of referring to it. Oh, it definitely took me. I was like sauce, but I also knew where I was, and I felt like, if I'm in Atlanta, I'm in her family dollar. Let me go on, and this is the correct into semantics. Let's

focus on the conversation. If sauces the lexicon, sauce is what I'm gonna say. And so I said, yeah, you're absolutely right, there is more sauce in a family dollar angle. Uh then at say a Publix. Okay, you know, all right, let me dig further into this because because number one, I believe you, let's start that way. I one, and

I'm convinced that what you're saying is absolutely true. How do did you ever buy multiple pringles and compare Have you ever held them up to the light to see if one is you know, the light penetrates then the other one doesn't? Like how do you know? Well? I have I did do something of a taste test as a sad confession, and I love it is it is

very sad. But I mean you're talking to someone that when I got a box of pop tarts that I really liked, that they were well done, I marked the lot number so that I knew to look for that lot number the next time I went to the grocery Shopoy, do you understand? You see what I mean? So you're under the impression that, like, there's just like certain chefs

at a pop Tarts. Oh, Bernice, hook these pop tarts up. Yeah, they're fool Today you have to know which grocery stores are putting a foot in your waffles, do you know what I mean? So I pay attention to that kind of stuff. Yeah, after the sauce coming, I was like, I wonder if I'm if she made that up and I'm just co signing, or if that's something I felt in my soul already, let me run over to public and get a canister and let me just see if

this is truly the case. And it was the case, It's nothing you can see because Springles is kind of smart in how they disperse it. That's the trick, right, So that's how they get That's how they get you because they they don't want to just if you put too much on it all at once in the middle, you're like, this chip is poison. You're trying to take me out, white devil. But if they spread it out evenly across the whole of the chip, you're just like

a lovely, different, more exciting treat. It's a great chip. I mean, why would I question it? Yeah, it's um so. I did taste and it. It definitely was saltier on the family dollar side. And that also, and that's important to note because I was trying out chips that can be found in both locations. Do you know what I mean? In white neighborhoods and black neighborhoods, Because as we all know, there are chips that never make it to the white neighborhood.

And I think that that's super important. There there are a bunch of chips that never make it to the white neighborhood, and vice versa. There are tons of chips that that you never will see in a black neighborhood. Peto's. I've never seen a goddamn Peeto's in any urban setting, do you know what I mean? Like, we're not we're not making chips. I I went to a friend's house once and they had a bowl full of chips made

of cricket. Like. The chips were made of the bodies of dead crickets and they had compressed them into chip. And of course I ate it because I don't know humility, You lost the dare. No. I live a lavish life and I'm not gonna let myself be sold short by my own fears. But I will say that that is not available in any urban settings that I've I've seen thus far. No, Black people are not knowingly eating crickets. No, not at all. And that's because I'm gonna sell out. Yeah,

oh yeah, Hans just sent this to me. It's called Chirps Cricket Protein Chips Variety pack. It literally says chirps eat bugs. And that's the thing is that, Um, I'm painting with the broadest of strokes here, but I can't think of a time that I've been in a black neighborhood and in their chip section there was just like the protein ones, right, do you know what I mean? If there are protein based someone has moved it. We don't specified chips based off of what they offer to

your body. For your tongue. It's for your tongue. It's the lickability fat. What color your fingers? The orange chips or red chips? Right? Exactly? Am I going to stay my shirt? Orange or blue? Which one? It's the it's the color of the bag. Like what kind of doritos do you want? Oh? I want red? Okay, those are just your basic nacho cheese. Absolutely, Oh I want blue, which we all know is the cool Ranch. And you know, you know me and my history was cool Ranch, of course.

But our listeners just so some of them are idiots and they don't know. Yeah, they don't know. They don't know their history. But um, when I was like twelve years old, I was in a focus group for Cool Ranch doritos. So cool Ranch weren't made yet. They were testing them out on small minds and bodies and um, and my mother was real big on the focus group circuit. She was she was a star in the circuit. You were living in a world pre cool Ranch. What is it?

Before Christ? Before cool Ranch? I get it? It was yeah. And so there were there were like five or six of us, and they had them unlabeled, just in a bowl and we're just eating them, and then they're like, well, what do you think and we're like, all right, that's I mean, it seems fine. It's got a little zing, I guess, but yeah, I'd continue to eat this because You've put it in front of me, and I'm a twelve year old. You know, it's a chip. I'm gonna

eat it. I think, like many chips, I'm enjoying it, mostly because I'm not allowed to have them constantly. In every part exactly. We all got a bowl of it. We love, we absolutely love, and they gave us like forty bucks and they were like thanks. Um. About three months later, I saw it on the Shell Show and I was like, hey, those were the chips that they've made us eat that I got money for. And everybody was like, shut the funk up, No one cares by

your focus group. My dad was a little jealous because, um, when my mother, the last focused for my mom had done before that was for like tussy deodorant, so we had we were stuck with Tussy deodorant for like a year. I've never even heard of precisely, that group was way off. I was worried that it was like a hot deodorant that I'm unaware of. I've recently had to switch to a natural deodorant because I get uh, I get like boils if I oh, interesting, how is that working for you?

I was concerned. I literally was having that discussion with my roommate the other night. Um. Natural deodorant for me personally have been ineffective. But I am not having to go to the emergency room. So I stink. But there's ol pus coming out of me. So you can ask for really all you. I just I've been in this uh, in this lockdown time, these convidian times, I just haven't been wearing uh deodorant. And yeah, it's been fine. I think we probably should check with my roommates. Um. Um,

but it doesn't make eye contact with me anymore. But we're fine. We don't speak. We mostly text, but um but yeah, now that it's warm, I'm realizing my body was being real chill. Now it's like, oh, we gotta we smell you smell. We need something. We did something so I don't know. I had been just rubbing like lotion on there, just like to do it. It will not do it, but I will say that that that ultimately the all the bullshit that they put into regular

deodorant is bad for you. So there probably is a compromise between saying fuck it and poisoning your body with aluminum. That's just my pitch. I'm sure your roommate has some other thoughts, but but probably I I don't want to boil. Who want to boil? Oh? It's painful. I had to cry in front of my wife in an emergency room while a lady stabbed me in the armpit to to drain things out of me that I never thought belonged there, and no one else did either. It was a consensus

that didn't belong in my body. No, that shouldn't know what color was the pus? I whitish, yellowish. It wasn't I think infected. I mean it was infected, but it wasn't like certainly like a dangerous infection. Yeah, this podcast is really taking a taking a turn. It really, Yes, yes, just talking about the color of our pus and I

mean it's but it's a natural question. Sure, speaking of color, I will say, Uh, you brought up an excellent point about doritos and chips and the color associations that black people will make that oftentimes with all flavoring of all kinds. We just sort of say the red ones, the blue ones, red kool Aid, blue cool aid, fucking you know, the Capri son that has the orange guy on it or the Capris Son that has the light blue guy on it. Memorizing flavors. I think that's a very white thing flavors.

I think so because it's basically the same flavors kind of just rearrange a little bit, and maybe they just throw in another dash of something else and then change the bad purple. It's um like there's no difference between tropical and Baja. It's just one is pie an apple, peach and orange, and then the other one is peach, pineapple, orange and cherry. And it's like that's a no, I know, that's the same ship. You just added a little something

on the back end. Yeah. I once went to a soul food restaurant where you know, they just kind of built built your plate as you slid down and then you got it at the end. And so their drink, what the drink selections were behind them, and I'm squinting past this woman trying to see I saw that something was like a high sea flavored, so I was trying to see if we were working with like a pink lemonade or regular like what was going on? And the woman saw me kind of squinting, and she was just like,

it's red, baby, it's red. Unless then I'll take a large That's all I needed, all I needed to know. Man, you are speaking my language. That's all I want. Tall red, please extra large red. I'll have a venty red if uh, if you don't mind, I love my red venty Well, okay, so you brought up something really fascinating when you were telling the story of your discovery, and one of the things that I guess I think I took in reading what you sent, or at least I thought I was

I was hearing. But maybe this is a completely different direction. When she told you that there was more sauce on these chips, she wasn't saying it in a threatening way. No, Like this wasn't her being like and this is how they this is that's how they get you. It was more of her being like, like, we this is a cheat code. Hell yeah, this is a cheat code. Get them here because this is where the sauces see automn

white devils. They Yeah, you can work around with Kroger if you walk to but we know you and I we know where the sauce is not enough spices on them chips. You got here, right, And I mean it totally makes it made perfect sense. And I realized subconsciously that's what I was That's what I was doing. It's getting them there because of that, because you know, um, in black neighborhood, that's also where you find a broader

variety of snack cakes. I mean, they're for sure trying to kill us, um, but the variety, you know, the various ways they're trying to kill us, it must be noted. If you're gonna murder me, give me all the options. Give me choices. Put out a mallet, put out a gun, put out an alligator. Give me all the options of how I could die so I can then make a sound decision from that. Let me You know what, if I want to die via oatmeal cream pie, let me do it. Let me do it. That is that how

you want to go? Oatmeal creampie. If you had a preferred food to give you your ultimate diabetes and or high blood pressure, well, which do you want to take you? Out? There?

Is the little debbie? Um, Star Crunch snack cake. That was the last snack cake I ate before I had to be rushed to the emergency room, where I discovered I had gall stones, and then discovered that my gall bladder had actually kind of exploded and there were all throughout my body, and they thought they were just going to take out a few stones, and they had to cut me open. And I have like a six and a half inchcar. So the last thing I ate before that was a Star Crunch, and I thought I'd never

eat him again, and I had one yesterday. So we're a literal Little Debbie survivor. Yes, you're You're like, you could have been a hero story. You could have taken down Little Debbie and proved that they were like a destroyer in our community. And you're like, yeah, I mean that's real good, too, damn good? How did they get it in that shape? Too good? To me? Man, it's great? Is that real rice? I don't know, I don't care who cares. Put it in. Put it in my gall bladder,

which will eventually explode. In two stars. We're gonna take a break and we'll be back with more, my mama told me. And we are back anyway. We are back. We're back with my dear friend SHELI was sharp who during the break was saying some stuff about how black people need to just get over everything that's happening. Would care to expand on any of that? I mean, come on, y'all.

Jalewa has Has, as you know, has been telling us all about her theory that the chips have more spice or sauce or seasoning if you will, on them in certain communities and not in others. And I, uh, Chalia, have been doing some research. I did some research on your theory that I'd love to just run past you. And this supports or denies. Let's just see where we land in talking more about some of the things that

I've uncovered. Okay, let's start with some basics. So I was doing some research on the size of chips because originally when I saw your your theory, I I assume that you are going to be telling about the decrease in size of the bags over the years. Have you had that conspiracy theory at all? Um? I am familiar with just how they have gotten smaller but more in like a um, when your parents start complaining about the portions at grocery stores and how they've raised the prices,

but they've taken two cookies. In that sense, I am familiar, right, So I think I similarly have like many of us have noticed it over the years. But there's also a part of you that doesn't want to sound like your dad when you see it. You don't want to be like an old man being like I remember when the chips was this big, and it's like, come on, man,

stop this, don't be this person. But okay, So given that, though, there is evidence that the regular lace which are sold in ten ounce bags, and this is where it gets interesting, Uh, regular lays are sold in ten ounce bag, but flavored las flavored lads, the ones with sauce and or seasoning, are sold in nine point five ounce bags and both are sold at the exact same price. I have noticed that. Why do you think that is what's happening there? There's

no way that seasoning is heavier. I assume that's what they would say if we could ask, you know, cat and lais or barbecue barbecue we put in there is making it heavy? Yeah, because that's not. And also there are so many different flavors. So you're telling me that cheddar and sour cream is going to be the same

weight as just a plain old barbecue sauce. I mean, there's there, you know what I mean, you can't if we're going to start picking apart the seasoning as like a part of the weight distribution, then you have to acknowledge that pork grind seasoning is going to be heavier than, uh than flaming hot season yes, right, exactly, yeah, because you know, flaming hot it's baked in. Sure, let's baked in versus being placed on top. One of those is

organically hot. The other one is unnatural from the flaming hot field. You know, those field filled with cheetahs for some reason that that harness the fire of the flaming hut. Right. You know, in doing the research, part of the argument that they made for the reason that the flavored chips are actually sold in smaller portions is that, uh, the the it's more precious with the flavored chips because they

are they're better sellers. Like they're basically saying, like these sell way better than the plane chips, So we're gonna keep them and be very precious with them and in and hold them close to our hearts as opposed to the plane chips, which we will give away at whim and just let any whatever they But it also feels, like you said, like a little bit of a scam because why am I paying the same price for this? Yeah, I mean that's not I mean, yes, they sell better,

but why don't give us less of it? Especially you know what this is. I mean, it's just racist again. Now you're talking about language. You got. So you got these light ass chips. They are doing nothing. They literally are just there so they can scoop other cultures into your mouth, dip as it were. And then you know, you got a little flavor, you know what I mean. You got the sour cream and onion or the cheddar and sour cream cream is doing all the work, but

that's okay. Or there was vinegar, or there's the There was a flavor, like a Ruffles flavor that I think was very popular in Canada. It was just called oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. It was like, oh no, I'm thinking of that New Orleans themed one that was like all the flavors that once. But I think it's the same concept of them being like it's the same yeah, because it was just like, um, you know, this is kind of it's spicy like a barbecue sauce, but it's

also sweet like a barbecue sauce with honey. Um, but it also has a little kick to it, like you know, and like lime in here. We did all the things. It's like, yeah, all kinds, and all y'all had was a bunch of extra ship that you were like, we got extra chips, and we got extra seasoning on the thing. Just mix them together and see what happens. See that is that is why I don't necessarily buy the I don't know, it's just a very It's like, it's kind of why I'm against the Take five because I feel

like it's the sweepings of the factory floor. It's just whatever is like, it's the hot dog of candy bars, whereas all these things you couldn't put in the regular thing, you just put into this. So I have a theory, and I part of the reason I dig and I was digging into these bags is because I noticed that the size of or the amount rather that they're giving

is smaller. But a part of me wonders, based on your argument, if part of the reason that they had to give us less of the flavored chips is because the content, the nutritional content, becomes so outrageous that they're not able to justify serving it to human beings. Do you know what I mean? That like that point five might be the difference insult and fat and all are

bad for us. That make it so that they like technically can't sell it to a bunch of kids or else it is instant stroke exactly like they there's you know, the f d A has regulations that are bullshit for the most part, but they do regulate like, oh, you you can kill people, but you have to kill them slowly. So if they were making walking up to the line, yes hyper exactly, they can't give you hypertension all at once because that's bad for consumerism, that you can't kill

all your consumers. That is possible. I mean I could see that if that's the difference between plane and saucy. To you where that that might be the line? It is just like, look, man, if we gave you the full ten, I mean all of y'all are going to be out here just stroking out. You can't handle the full ten full ten. I'm saving your life. You pace the ship give you nine point five. You should be grateful. I serve you nine point five. I mean I could that's that's not a bad that's not a bad theory.

I could see that being the case, right, that makes them seem like a benevolent guy. No, I mean I fully subscribe to the possibility that they are. So, Okay, here's an even more jarring thing that isn't base in theory. Okay, So, apparently in certain chips there's something called acrylamide. Have you heard of acrylamide? Oh? No, No, okay, great. Acrylamide apparently is a chemical that's found on birch chips that increases cancer risk for pe anybody that eats it or consumes it,

it apparently totally increases your chances of getting cancer. And it's the burnt chips at the bottom of the bag. And so, now following this theory, because part of what I had I struggled with with your original theory was how are they deciding that this bag with more seasoning is going to the family Dollar where Llewa would then buy it from the lady who calls it sauce? Like, how are they planning all that out? But if they are putting sauce on these acrylamide chips, these burnt chips,

and then putting those bags into those communities. It's a lot easier to track and separate and do the evils that they probably are doing. This also might be where kettle chips came from. Hell, yeah, talk to me now, you are speaking it, because I mean, like the whole Like to me, a kettle chip is just I mean, it's one of these cancer chips. It's just it's burnt. It's it's burnt, and I don't it's crazy burden. And

I know lots of people who prefer them. They're a little they're hard on the teeth, which is not good. Not not a fan, not a fan, has never been a fan. All the salt and vinegar is delightful. Not a fan. I can't you know, I can't do vinegar. But there is a salt and balsamic balsamic vinegar that's only available in Kroger as a Kroger brand, or it's like in the UK. So when I am in Atlanta and I'm near Kroger, I buy bags and bags of it. But it is truly like it doesn't even taste like

salt to taste like so deum. Definitely, this is pulled from the ocean floor. Yeah. And then I rubbed on the chip by by a mermaid. Yeah. I feel the clots forming in my leg when I eat them. But man, are they tasty. But kettle chips are kind of slowly making it to the hood. They are. And see that's that's also where my instinct went because at first I thought, oh, well,

kettle chips aren't really a black chip. But if you go to any bodega at this point in New York, in you know, corner stores in l A, there's kettle chips, kettle chips are available, and they are for the most part, I don't know if i'd call them burnt, but they do feel like they've been cooked in a way that is closer to the burnt chips. Yeah, because I mean, you can't just go full on burnt, like the jig is up like we see you, but you if you come almost burnt. Yes, And then kettle chips have a

ridiculous flavor like line. They have so many various flavors that again I only see the full range of flavors uh in the hood when they are there, I mean, like, you know, cooking it in avocados, uh oil isn't gonna make it any healthier. And that the other thing. It turns out in my research, I found out kettle chips are not actually the healthiest chip by any means. They're

actually one of the worst chips. That like the fact that they've been pitching them as like, oh, we we don't have any of like these bad ingredients that these other chips have. True, but you also have a bunch of like shitty like their overseasoning. Like that's the main issue with them is that they are like, oh, putting so much salt in so much other stuff on it

that it literally is evening out the quality. Yeah, I've eaten a half a bag of um, their like sea salt and cracked pepper, and can look down at my ankles and go, well, that was a mistake. I'm never getting a sneaker off. You know, either I got chicken

pox or terrible mistakes good. So um Yeah. So here's the other crazy thing about a crowd, right, is that even because they're not a hundred percent short, they f d a All these like professionals are claiming that they're not sure that acrylamite is gonna give you cancer, right, But they're saying it's a possible cancer causing agent. But what they do know is that acrylamide absolutely causes nerve damage.

And so what I'm thinking is they're giving us these acrylamide chips, putting them in in negro bags, selling them to Negro communities, and then damaging our taste buds, damaging our nerves, which makes us less sensitive to eating the chips, tasting the salt, ultimately leading to our hypertension, ultimately leading to our high blood pressure, ultimately because we gotta we gotta over salt everything because and that's part of the reason.

Because we don't, they're ruining our taste buds and then turning it into a bit like you know right, No, I want to live. Oh no, that's I absolutely believe that, because my palate is shipped now. Oh it used to be delicate, and now it's just like, why doesn't everything taste like instant ramen? You know, how do you cook without a flavor packet? Have you? I don't know if

you've ever done this. I there have been times where I cook with instant ramen and then I absolutely spill some of the flavor packet, like I you don't get it all into into the pot as you're picking. And there's a part of me that just gets so sad because I'm like, this ramen ain't gonna taste as good as them is supposed to. I'm supposed to get sick, but now I can't get sick, like I want to get sick because I don't spill it is it is a sad win. There's just wasted flavor, hated good. It's

no good. I hate a wasted flavor packet. I I just want all the disease, all of it. I paid for it. I paid my cents. I paid for it, and I do think that that's a very black I paid for it. Give it alternate. Yeah, that's a very like that's a black way of living. It's like, look, we get it. Some evil things are happening out here. You guys are setting us up to lose. This entire country was built with us as like the punchline to an evil joke. But come on, man, I paid for it,

giving my ship, you know what I mean. Treat me like all right, asking for much? Just not I'm asking for That's all. I want. Yeah, it's oh my gosh, I there's so much really in what you've discovered to

just really like marinate in. And so here's the other thing is that part of what I've discovered is that, uh, similar to what you were saying about the brands not necessarily being uh equal in every community, right that certain communities have certain brands, there are healthy alternatives in the alternate community, right that, like that in lace is serving us plane lays or barbecue lays or whatever version of

you know, Nicki Minaj's Lays in that neighborhood store. But then Lays also has like a potato chip made out of like the most harmless you know, it's cauliflower potatoes chips. Yeah, yeah, I'm not seen a baked chip in a bodega ever. Really it never exists. And so even if your theory, even if your theory isn't like a hundred percent accurate, that they're like somehow like intentionally packing our neighborhoods with like extra flavored chips, which I still believe to be true.

I'm not just you dare think that for a second, you have my but I will say that even if they're not doing that, they are intentionally giving us the worst version of all the chips that they can give us, including ones with potential cancers and fucking poisons. On man, you know this really, this all hurts my heart. And the only thing that would make me feel better it would be a bag of chips, like right now, a big old bag of cron please, fantastic extra sauce. Please.

You know that's the only way to make the pain, a little bit of nerve damage. It's just blunted, all blunted. All. Okay, we're gonna take one more break and then we'll be back with more SHELI was sharp and more, my mama told me. And we are back. Yeah, we're back. I'm still here. Was was sharp, and we're having a great time. We're still talking about chips and the conspiracy to uh to murder black people with the chips or just make them happy. I think there's a part that wants to

be happier with delicious chips, and I get that. Yeah, if no one's gonna listen to me at the hospital, let me go out with a chip. I like, I guess when when you went in to have your gall bladder uh deguarded. I don't know what they do to besides like repair it. What was there any discussion around the hostess cake that did it? It did? Did they tell you anything about that? No? At first, um, they said,

are you sure it's not gas? Um? Because it could be trapped gas in your diaphragm And I'm like, I truly don't think that's where gas days um, And I'm like, that's not And also I've been with me, I'm not holding on any gas. Let it all go. Look I got gas all the time. Yeah. So then they were like, all right, well, you know, if you if you think it's more than just indigestion and it's not the trap gas, let's uh, let's do an X ray and see what's

going on. And they did, and then they were like, oh, yeah, no, you have stones. You have a stone, So let's do this in a couple of days. Let's take out whatever the stones that we see here and here. And so they went in and they were supposed to do the little like through my belly button and a little incision, that's all they were going to do. And then they got in there, they got the camera in there, and they were like, oh, there, it's free floating stones all

all over. It's like there's a boom. So they just sliced me open and the thing out, and I didn't you know, I didn't know because I was under So when I came to in recovery, I don't know what recovery normally looks like, but I know in my mind's I I was kind of waking up. I was groggy, and I was I feel like in a basement, and it was there was drips from the ceiling hitting like iron, and there was a like a light bulb that kept flickering.

That could have just been my imagination, So they could have like harvested that you might have had a perfectly normal gallbladder, possibly because I did ask. I had originally asked for the stone that they were going to pull out, and they were like, we'll see what we can do. And then they took out the whole gall bladder and I was like, all right, well, I'm gonna need that gall bladder. Then they were like, actually we're going to keep it and um, we're going to use it for

medical students to study. Actually we're going to use this for a delicious new chip where neighborhood. Yeah, it's a it's called older Lady chips and it was so it was rough, and then they still miss some stones. So I had a tube sticking out of me for six weeks and I had to take medicine. I was supposed to break up the stone and make it go out of the tube, and then when I went in to have the tube taken out, they were like, they're still stones in you, so we're just gonna put you under

and try and find those. As far as I know, I may have a stone lodged under something. Um. But yeah, it was at first, I really did think it was trapped gas. That is wild. So after all that, you don't know where your stones are. You know, you don't have a gallbladder anymore, but you don't know if they might have harvested, harvested some other organs for their own pleasures. Yeah, it's wild. I've made a point to UM truly destroyed the organs that I have left. You get me again,

Trick me once if you go with me. There's there's nothing still my organs. Twice the ship I have burned the ground and salted the earth. We are not there's nothing in near sure this might be systemic. Stop letting y'all do that. That's all right. I'd love to play a game with you if you're down for it. We have a very fun game that I love to play. It's a game that I call white lies Ugly. You're disgusting.

I'm gonna kill you. Give me it's a fun game white lies, where you, the contestant, are going to be read a a traditional white conspiracy theory, one of that white people have subscribed to for years. And then you will then use that conspiracy theory and think about why it is so important to white people. Why do they keep going with this one? What are they trying to accomplish? What are the sneaky motherfucker's up to? All Right, you get the premise and we're clear on the whole thing. Okay,

this came up today and it's very exciting. Today on my Twitter feed, amongst all the murder and mayhem of young black people all across America, there also was trending a rediscovery of the lockness Monster that someone had taken a picture of Nessie's back, or supposedly Nesti's back and then posted it. And now there's a giant debate happening about whether or not. This is, in fact, the the

new lockness monster or the old lockness monster. My question for you is why is the lockness monster so important to white people? I mean, okay, let's let's consider the scapegoat. Mm hmm uh. If I'm not mistaken, the scapegoat was the goat of a village that everyone put blamed for everything. Yeah, well, just just in olden times, the literal literal scapegoat. Oh I did not know that. Yeah, I believe that folklore is that it was a goat that took on is

a blame. Just all of the excuses for everybody in a village, all the bad things they've done, they blamed it on the goat or they put it on the goat. I have no idea wings yeah, yeah, so so that's uh so that's what we're working with here. I'm thinking right now, white people are scrambling, do you know what I mean? Like it is it is finals week. Bay

have not done any of the readings. They barely went to class, like it is, and this is very much final this week, because it's it's both of those things. It's some of them are scrambling to make up for the homework that they did not finish, and a bunch of them are scrambling to find other classmates who they could be, Like, let's rebel against the teacher. Yes, he's been an asshole this whole time. Let's just tell me he's a cunt and then maybe the university you'll fire him. Right,

we have to study it all. Yeah, that's that's exactly what's happening. So so right now, I think white people are realizing like, oh ship, like, um, we gotta do something. What are our go toos? Um? And their their go tos are falling, you know what I mean, Like they're their whole heritage argument is not working. Um, like we're

taking those bad boys down. We're taking all of them down like a nigger name Bubba driving their cars now, I mean like this is it's yeah, it's it's nothing they've ever seen or they don't know what to do with it. They got they need. Who's an old school something that that can all? Right nessie, let's bring this

bitch back. Let's uh, we'll say she got a little work done, you know what I mean, she probably you know what I mean, got a little lap band, you know, loss will weight lip injections that she looked at you look a little more two thousand fourteen. Chloe kardashi in current Chloe Kardashian. But she definitely is Kardashian. Is is technically the same human being if you look at the genetic material, right, yes, I mean if you were to, yeah, take a blood test of NeSSI I think that's what

you're going to find Kardashian. But um, but yeah, And I think that's probably why it's so important to him right now, Like this is it? Do you do? You know what I mean? Like the alien ship didn't work, They opened up fucking it was that area fifty one, like all of that. They called on every possibility they had. They literally told us aliens are real. And we were still like yeah, bro, but please stop choking me, Like okay, but there's a monster in the lake. Yeah that's where

we are right now. Keep talking about dying, but there's a monster in the lake and we're like, yeah, but I can't breathe, man. Yeah they're not. It's it's all that's left, and it's a thing that appears tangible and easy to doctor photos but nobody. They're just in like the copy room, just trying to make copies. Fuck, look, this is going on, you know, and it's like it's too late. It's too late. You can't keep doing the y and nobody gives a f If nobody, I don't care,

I truly could not care less. And the reality is is that if the Locknest Monster is in fact a real thing, and I you know, don't care either way. If he or she is a real thing, I'm not sure that the Lockness Monster needs to be gendered. I gotta throw the funk up, really do my own research. But the point is if even if the lockness Monster is real, it does not, like you say, scapegoat the

the bigger problems that are happening in our own communities. Yeah, it doesn't have We can't have Nessie like answering for do you know what I mean? Like, that's not going to be the thing, Like, well, all right, I mean, yeah, their monster did reappear again, so maybe they do have some things to worry. No, that's not it's not going to be enough. Nessie herself might actually show up and just be like, you know what I've been reading And sure, honestly, guys,

I've been listening for a while now. I actually think black lives do matter, and uh, that doesn't mean that white lives don't matter. But I think at this time they us need to be heard and seen as real people and people with value. So maybe just allow them to have this and then everything. I mean, are we sure we really want Nessy to talk like white white folks? Are they ready for what NESTI might have to say. I'm scared NESTI is gonna come out and be like

a homophote, you know what I mean. No, I mean we all have spots that he's pretty old. There's no way Nesty's on the progressive side of Yeah. I mean, you know, Nesty's like, look, black people, white people, you guys should all live equally, but boys shouldn't kiss boys. And that's just something I feel for hundreds of years. I wouldn't put that past Nesty for sure. I mean, like she's it. I feel like it. Um yeah, Like it's definitely it's not going to be as open minded

as you want. But you know, it's nothing nothing older, nothing that old is. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like, my grandpa is a wonderful on him in he's ninety five years old. He's doing the best he can. And boy is he hard to get into certain angles of conversations with despite the fact that like he's even talking to his black grandson buddy. Some of these are you know, it's just tough angles that I don't we shouldn't talk about, like because we're not going to see how to eye.

This is not a good balance for us. Let's just agree to eat, you know, get filter fish together and uh sit quietly in front of a Ken Burns documentary. Right exactly, we may be asking too much of of NeSSI right now, I feel like white people are definitely like, look, you're you're our only hope. Yes, I don't know what's left to discover on the planet at this point. If we if we didn't buy the aliens and UFOs and all you had, like your your last card, you're acing

the hole like black people never cared about nessiever. You totally misread every every possible situation you could misread read the room. This isn't our business. This is much more, y'all. And we don't give a fucking nessies here. She can come to the barbecue as she can't. We don't care exactly. Wow, I think we did it. I think wide open. This was this was phenomenal. Thank you so much for coming and hanging out with me. Uh, what a fun time.

And I think that we really learned a lot about the uh the world of chips in the potential threat that they have in our in the black community. Yeah, keep fighting you. Um, could you tell everyone where they can find you on the internet or any cool ship that you have going on? Feel free to plug anything that matters to you. I'm on you know, all of the social media things that I can possibly handle, the important ones. You're Twitter, your Instagram, your Venmo and U.

I'm at silky jumbo on all of it. And that's all one word traditional spelling. Um. Actually, I have an album called so you just out here listen. Oh, thank you. And I love both your albums, but I truly appreciate it. Yeah they're really good. Yeah. Also, I listened to your album all the time, all the time. Don't I swear to you. Don't maybe quote it. Don't maybe quote it. I'm not gonna quote it. I'm too old, baby, my

brain is. Yeah, I'm already drinking camera milty. That's where I am with benefiber in it because yeah, yeah, fucked up. But yeah, just look for me there I'm cracking jokes or making you know, halfhearted thirst trap attempts. No one's buying. No one's buying. It's great, it's nothing, but my girlfriend's going nice. Good for you. Yeah, it's the effort that counts, all right, This doesn't feel like a compliment. No, I can't blow effort, So ladies and gentlemen, she can't blow

effort one more time for Shelley was sharp. Everybody. This has been another episode of my Mama told me, Thank you guys good night. Because I'm big brown babes, my crow chips in your bees o Quala bears are racist. The host mostly money turkey stuff. I can't tell me