They Already Soft Launched Aliens (with Mel Mitchell)

Bory is in charge of the soundpad that can do all kinds of ship like that. No, yep, and that that can happen at any time, anytime.

You go ahead and relax. It's like family. When Brian got the radio show.

That's sort of yeah.

Are Brian?

What was the draft tip group called?

I don't know. We'd be like Silky and the Hammer, all right, And that was first round, those first round.

I didn't want to imagine who was Silky and who was the hammer. It felt it felt emasculating.

Chips in your racist money man turning stuff. I can't tell me. We were chilling in the park, just waiting for the sun to go down.

It was me, shy Bro and the homies, a lighter shade of brown Welcome. Little Mama's and Gentiles are like to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me Podcasts where we dive.

Deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy there.

And we finally put work to prove that there is nothing to prove, ain't nothing to prove. I got nothing for you.

That's been the mistake you've had the entire time. And she thought that there was something to prove, and we weren't even on that.

I ain't got shit to prove. No, I'm a grown man. I own my house, proved it that wasn't true. I was gonna stand by you.

You got to lean into that thomna. Yeah, why'd you bail on it? Why do you bail on it so fast? It wasn't true. I come on, man, the show business. Yeah, they don't know. I'm six too, Bro, they don't even know. Come on, just tell them. Yeah, rich as hell exactly. Lean into the line. Three dogs, three Just the more dogs you have, the worst I do think. Yeah, yeah, I think you got like five dogs. Like I know, it's crazy in there.

Yeah, it's it smells crazy and your priorities couldn't possibly be straight.

Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, Like you dogs, you know, shopping for you and no practical dogs. It's like German shepherds.

And nobody ever has five dogs has the space to accommodate said dog.

Yeah, it's like damn, now, I know it's going bad in here.

Yeah, and you are lining up a bunch of animals to die in a type of succession that is like a violence to this.

It's more than the flies. The dogs. Yes, they're dropping off.

You're setting up your own villain origin story. Six months they.

Died, why you at work? Yeah? Up? And now you come home the dog eight now you John Wick five times in a row? Yeah yeah? Or the dogs eating the other dog. That's what I'm saying. Oh yeah, I've never known.

And then you now you're now you're looking at your best friends eat your best friends.

Oh no, that's this is upsetting you. That's that's here. You're locked in. I didn't get it.

It's also if you die, it's not gonna go good either.

Fuck you died.

Dogs dogs will wait a lot a while though, so shout out to Xavier Pool. Very funny comment got to Dallas, Texas. He said that he used to work for animal control, and the dogs will wait a lot longer.

I didn't have this data, you know, animal control find out so like when they go to someone's house that died, they see how long you took the dog. They can just how much is eating away You've seen the time they've had.

There's some kind of dog science.

I'm not.

I didn't work for them.

They like, that's about it. Wait for It's like it's like a it's not right. Yeah, but that's the worth of thigh. They probably got about a week of thigh in there. It's been a three weeks.

But cattle, get your ship tomorrow. You go out tonight. Cats they started it's the cheeks.

Are you a cat or dog person? Dog? And you loved so you probably be found before anything happens. Yeah, you probably wouldn't bother you. He likes to eat paper towels, so I'm not really his taste. That's dope.

I had My dog likes to shred up sandwich wrappers. Well if she don't consumed them. No, she just like you know how she is.

She's just like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's mad because I'm gone, because she's up my ass all day.

I get it. Yeah, it starts off that way with him. His name is Cardi. He's a cocky who's like a little bit overweight, and he likes pads too clean ones. If he's going really crazy, he was going to try to get non clean pass. I'm like, your tripping gardy one. I don't mind. I'm nat exactly, but no, he's like, oh fresh mad Like if I'm packing, like I have my stuff out, like packing my paths, Like is that a regular word max right there, and then today when

How did you feel? What kind of cigarette was it? I don't know, okay, because that matters.

My homeway came across the corner with a cigarette in his hand, one behind his ear. I'm like, oh, you tripping, And then I was like, wait a minute, it's like I can smell a cigarette. I just wanted to be strong. I see what it was like, and it just tasted like it's not as bad as it smells. No, it does not taste as bad as it smells. Right, cold?

Was it a menthol?

Cold is the best way I could just scratch it? Wasn't. I didn't feel like bigspaper.

No, it wasn't okay, so he was. It was regular tobacco.

It was just, you know, just a little sick. I was, okay, now I did it? Are you a menthol man?

I used to put him in the freezer sometimes yeah, yeah, but they don't freeze the twigs yees yeah, or batteries.

Oh no, that's different things.

But I mean the.

Place you put we're not eating any of these both, Like you know, they hit.

Different when you put in freezing like a twigs far yeah, kind of cold. Maybe it's just a psychological fun thing.

I think in my head it was like keeping them fresher.

Okay, okay, yeah, no, don't take that long smoke. I'm learning from the pack. Okay, damn.

It's more like we've talked about it.

Sure, I guess I've just never asked enough follow up questions. I think sometimes you I do. And I've never smoked a cigarette in that chic hot pocket.

This is fucked up.

I think we get the same vintage T shirt ads on Instagram because I almost got that shirt and white.

Within the last couple of days.

Yeah, and then I remember one time I wore a shirt and you were like, is that blah, blah blah, and I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The algorithm we ventured in the same areas I must have like, yeah, FBI agents must be like their cubicles might be next to each other.

They're like, they're doing it again. They're looking at conspiracy.

Yeah. I like that. I don't want to get to the topic.

He's trying to buy that belly windbreaker again. I hope that.

I don't know what the contract was with ice can because every time I go to Ross he's on every shirt. What's that about all the Boys in the Hood. It's like Boys in the Hood and Slash, ice Cube and Selena.

So okay, I bought my little cousin and Boys in the Hood sweatsuit. Boys in the Hood? Is this weird thing where you're like, is this an I.

Tell you get the bad moms? Can I tell y'all something?

I think we would do very well to leave ice cubes money alone. I think we would do very well to mind our fucking business about how ice Cube goes to Dynamite. I think ice Cube has shown a financial uh prowess.

You're trying to get a cue vision of the world's too. You want how to leave this guy right here.

The whole movie right trying not to have ice Cube down my back. I think that man has connections that don't make sense.

Is he even involved in these T shirts? That question my question. We've never ever seen a pivot like this.

I don't know him as a Friday bro. He made Friday that's.

The most arguably one of the most hood movies ever made.

I mean he was in boys Hood. I mean sure.

I'm saying that, like he showed a commitment to black culture that should have never tapped over into white cross You know, I'm saying.

It's scaring me for y'all to be talking nasty. I don't think you're scaring me. I'm not a victim here.

I'm demanding that we not get murdered when we walk out of this building because we.

Talked about what is the Ice keeps doing? Name about O Shane Jackson senior me inquiring why T shirts on white children from ros Why are you get an ice keep shirt? Why is there an ice keep shirt? Not even so much? Do you need some money situation? I'm just saying, did you sign up on this? Osha?

I hate to I hate the stereotype, but like white kid in an Ice Cube T shirt. That's a dirty ass white kid. Yeah, it is.

Any white person that says yay yay, that's not the right white. That's a bad white. You don't want that. Ice whites are the most dangerous white. I don't think I've met ice Cube white, and I don't ever want to know. Not after sunset.

You're supposed to put that down like a dog.

I had to do.

Okay, this is something I was thinking about. I tried to do a bit of your work. Have you ever noticed that Tupac Merch is a bad guy and Biggie Merch is like classy person?

What is that about? You ever noticed that?

But it seems like you should be swapped because Tupac was talking that revolutionary ship.

Biggie was just talking but like and Biggie was the colorist. Mmmm, say more about that?

Yeahs continued, You know the ugly escape bitches, faith over, little Kim going.

On, Christopher Wallace, what's going on? What's up? What's up? Beer?

I think that he I think he had issues with it. Heart throw never fat, black and ugly as ever. Yeah, I think it's however, down to the socks. I think it took a while for that man to get pussy.

But when he got it, and I think he really was. We were seeing a journey in its later end and in that or in a later start, and I think in that way he was doing sometimes little boys ship where you're like, I want to be bad, light skinned one.

But it's not right.

And I think he would have got He wasn't like that, right they say puff put him onto that, Like he wasn't like that.

That wasn't even his way. Yeah.

Yeah, I think as he got older he probably would have matured.

They were only like twenty four and twenty five. They were bays anyway. He wasn't even older yet. Twenty four. Yeah, I hadn't figured out where my body parts were and that's why it was mine. Yeah, but I have more body.

Yeah, that's fair a complicated system.

It's I'm still finding new ship. Yeah. So it's it's a lot, and I can't look down there. Y'all can bring y'all stuff to y'all. I gotta get got got to get them. I got a two stroke engine. You got a V eight, you know, And it's it's areas.

You got You're using different kinds of fuel.

It's a lot. I got a pedal bike down here. It had its own doctor. I don't have a what You also just have to hold it off. I got one of them big wheels with the little wheel. That's a little bit. It's just instructions. And if you wipe it wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, now you got to get medicine. Yeah damn. I never had to get medicine because of a wiping decision me either. No. I wipe like front, back to front, and I pray you're not doing that. No, I'm not okay something like that. But you had to

Do If you wanted to watch funny videos, you had to go to a funny video site.

That means you need a computer exactly.

That's where okay, and I did not.

We had those in my house, my own. I was on my own to do it. No, he ran, he ran away from home. Yeah, yeah, out resource. Yes what the lore later put a pending that Okay, we're gonna get some lore.

The point is I was not on the computer from about two thousand four to two thousand and ten. I was pretty much not.

On the When he found out Obama was president, he went crazy.

I can still see T shirts likes then he I could still see the merchant.

With moments of Internet and it got really before the thing became just social media. It was other areas in the Age website. I fucked my life and people would say like this, I walked outside and drop my tacos. Oh fuck my life. It would be something low level, be higher, but a lot I saw a lot of them was like I went down on a girl and I found out she weps back to front. Fucked my life and I'm like, okay, what's Oh fourteen, So I'm like, what's that mean? Whoa? And I didn't realize that you're

Okay, what I say is this is women's business.

Yeah. I wasn't eating a ut hour at twelve hours, right. The coat is just like hey, this chilling, Like what's the period starts like, all right, we're working on all cylinders.

Now I'm completely comfortable.

So now I was like, oh, I need to start actually taking care of this organ which is there, you know.

Taking care of mine. I don't know that I've done everything I care though, I don't know.

I don't have to do it.

Once a month. Like a gun.

Don't go off in the close? What's the care? Safety is uncircumcised people is at a safety? No, that's the riskiest way to live, I'd say, uncircumcised. Yeah, yeah, yeah it is, uh it real off? No, no, no, what's going like? I'm just imply short. You're not gonna catch my man slipping.

No, no, no, no, no, well actually more than ever, we're not gonna catch you slipping.

We're talking about circumcised versus short. Sure, yeah, y'all did y'all? Are you like we're.

Because it's not just in tone. Okay, this is a fun exercise just talking to like it. Yess, that's fair.

I can hear the last. I'm guessing you're the turtleneck and you're the crew neck like that. Don't say it like you you must be the turtleneck slips you the thing. Oh my god, damn, this is yo. We were having a good time, you were having.

You introduced the nasty You should introduce the nasty game.

I was gonna anyways, well you proposed it as if you know what I'm saying.

This is my context framing. It was a framing thing.

I don't even think I've said my name.

We we will started the podcast, it's starting. We we did the yeah, we did the song, everything like, hey, you're fine. They don't know you're safe.

We we love talking about coucie technology to.

It's literally how we start time is not at all, and then somehow all of it ends up in and have we been having fun?

I'm like maybe this is just me.

No, No, you came to the right place.

Okay, if you think you started this in your room, we're.

Gonna get We're gonna go back to Front Today, ABC.

And Deco over here. I love that. Let's get the animiot.

I got some you know, we got a nurse on site.

That's perfect. Can we get something floaking? Hey, let me get some meth with quin too. I'm trying to party. I've had all the prescriptions in my twenties. You listened a lot more than I knew. Yeah, I don't even know. I can't do nothing up here. People doing like bathroom body works bath like, uh they know that would get up and leave. Well, that's because you did.

So you did thirteen years of damage.

I think through the hell even never came up. I just assumed that maybe I figured it out.

Like you checked out during that conversation. I pray you checked out, because my God, is thirteen too long.

I mean, well, I didn't know we're already here. I didn't know where my actual vagina was until college. That's okay. Yeah, I didn't know where I couldn't locate it. Well, I didn't know my homegow were here. I was trying to figure out how to put a tampon on again, Sure, okay putting it on? I was no, I was, I was being silly. Oh that was so I understand. Next I was like I didn't know how to put it because I didn't know where my vagina was.

I understand that idea where you're like, oh, let it hug it and then it'll.

Kind of because every couch she's had a hot dog bun. Luckily because I had, I was like, you got to tell you boys about that. So I remember seeing a few platters in my day. My god one time side of the lambay again too, Can I have you on Sidey's that's a phue. So yeah, my home with the dorms. When the dorms that and my HBC and they have like usually the shower stalls. There was one tub stall. We have more room in there. We're going there and she we're coochies is out. She's like, okay, what you

I will want to say, I do want to say. This is what I had prayed was happening in college dorms.

College. It wasn't nearly as erotic as niggas, but imagine it wasn't. I was like, okay, girl, what you do is spread.

What a good friend though?

Friends? Yeah, we're not like besties, but it's like that every birthday, every really, what my bdding is in like four months, she's not going to come.

I was her, It's cool, Okay, you gotta repair this relationship. This this person taught you to put a tampon. She didn't have to do that.

That's what womanhood. And you know, it's just getting so personal. But I finally got my couchie on track when I was said twenty four by twent before I got my coushie together. Okay, it was very sensitive. I didn't know what I was doing because the reason I didn't know where my guchie was because I went to the it's just get deep. We're here going to college where I went to college. I thought I was bron I was a very notorious version. Just I was like, I'm a virgin.

Were the same age.

Yeah see ye I that I know, I know, I know I was driving. I posted on Facebook. I was like, I graduated from high school at sixteen years old. I was sixteen and then one hundred percent version family here I come. And it was just like, that's I'm glad that man. It was something one of them city ball. No, that's not true. That's not true. It was it was. It was bad, and I was like, I'm going to go to the guy in colleges because when I get to college, it's gonna be fun. I'm gonna be doing me.

Okay, so why did you have to tell each We all tell you what I can continue. Why did you need to it just numbers make it bitch, I did, Okay.

What you did? What level is it?

And then I was like the story it was just a fun game of fine, yeah, just keeping it.

America, lize black girl's going to take that idea.

I'm not the man to write you think.

About something similar and they about it. Black women.

Black women do need their coming of age sex movie. I would say that that's crazy.

There's no stuff you.

Can I think that that is so funny. And if you need it, like a weird old janitor at the high school.

You just you just told me, Yeah you need.

Just rework that whole ship a star quarterback in the movie.

Yeah, I'll keep picture myself.

Okay. Yeah, And it's like and we do come together.

Potato Janitor co Janitors, I would say, potato is crazy, sweet potato pies nuts.

It will be.

I think this is the greatest idea we've ever knowing about.

My people will call you people.

We have the and we have recorded this, so uh, don't try to back out of it.

You you are you need to. Let Will Varrol be in somehow. Maybe the janitors have a book. Yeah, yeah, we need like a black stiffler. It will figure it out. Yeah, a black girl Stiffler. That's the best idea. Girl Stiffler. Come on, And I know black girl stifflers like that they exists. Are scared me my whole life.

I know a lot of black girls who were perverts. Yeah, I don't have the representation that they deserve.

Either, like hyper sexual just like slipt Jessebel. Yeah, we need like just a Stiffler.

She makes the noises.

And then like Stiffatt's dad, find daddy. Oh ship, I didn't even think about that. Oh my god, I could be Stiffler's dad. Whoa, whoa. Now you're a sex symbol. That's a whole new life for me. Now you're Jennifer Cooley. That's a whole new life for me. Like, that's what you need to we need to take has two dads, But you're the sexy one. But but.

You know what I'm saying, you're the one that the internet.

You just the fun, That's all I'm trying to do. Yeah, but she's so sexy away because she has two dads tell her about sex and opening the house.

I will say, as I'm reflecting on it now, it is going to make you a pedophile.

Yeah, and that's unfortunately, it sucks that you back to that quarter. Just now hitting me that that is a pedophile. Maybe it's not. I just want to make it out.

I just want to be I want the idea of Stiffler's.

But yeah, we'll age them up. Maybe friends has an older sister that's like twenty six. Now we're exiting. Okay, now we're imagining. But I found cologist and I was like, I'm getting a pastor because I'm grown. I don't know if you'all familiar with the speculum.

The machine that they used, it's like that stretching machine in the gym.

It is. I literally I'm gonna jumped up the table and I said, you put that ship away. And they was like, hey girl, you must have been wiping back to front because your PhD got in that world. So they're like, here some medicine world. Break it back. They gave me medicine. But it was like, this is so I'm just telling all my business. I don't care that seventeen year oldf is embarrassed. I mean, don't give great now. So this is Mars pussy as far as I can tell.

It's hard.

I don't even I don't think you know, kids of stupid. So I didn't ask my mom because I just figured thought I knew whatever. Yeah, So when it wasn't like doing nothing, I was like what I got and I was like, oh, I don't know where my couchie is. That's when that I was, Okay, that's tough. That's gotta be. Yeah, that's got to be a crazy feeling at that age. Yeah, like what's that.

I didn't know where this ship was at any point, Call the cops.

Yeah, I don't even know the.

Seed down there. And then it's like you know coochies.

You gotta, but you want to find it.

And it's not like you were in them books. It's like the secret Garden and not in not in your own pants, and you're out of that.

Yeah, with the mirror right now.

I didn't hit the mirror, but it just overwhelming.

I was the first time you go down there, I just I don't the first time I was down there.

You're beating your meat, is what you're trying to say. I was, Yeah, but I didn't even know I could go down there. It was it was what is it? You must never go there symbols. I didn't even go all the way down. You figured out that hood and you were straight. I was right here with what I like to do. I getting made fun of this in the keV verse. The my emoji is a bathtub for a reason.

I don't have a better way of introducing you at this point. You know, I think you think you've done the work. Yeah, let's say it. You did the goddamn work. You showed us who the fuck you are. We we are so happy to have her here. Y'all gonna clip, Absolutely we are.

You don't think we're not. We're not seeing my signs right now. This damn, I said, got her cooked. I'm cooked, man, Mel Mitchell. The face it's like every face, three cameras right here in my face. Whatever I say, the crazy, She's like, damn, that's gonna be the thumb. Now. I went on Chocolate Sundays. I said one sentence and then the one. I was like, yeah, I got you, but blah blah thumb nail. I got you know, that's that's my thing.

So no girl, but again Chocolate Mondays.

So but hey, guys, I'm Mel Mitchell with the with the crazy cochi of stage, which is crazy with that crazy cuchie.

That's that's a Facebook name, crazy Crazy.

But you learn how to And once I started being fast with boys and I got fingers, I was like, oh that's what it's all the way down there.

Yeah, and now your probably game got a little better.

Right, Yeah, like when it comes to you're so good you keep it in the front of the house.

Okay, so you like the DJ. Of course I read DJs, but the short version is I mean like I learned how to. I learned how to DJ. I figured I discovered DJ when I was like twelve, did it aggressively in the summer two thousand and six. It was right, it was insane. Actually, we were both doing that at the same hey is his name?

Any summer after about nineteen ninety eight, I was doing it.

We were probably all doing it to a Lloyd. Yeah, I did that, and perhaps honestly, I didn't even know what I was doing for us. I didn't even need nothing just happened. I'm just seeing what's doing. I wasn't a visual I didn't have noth individualized. I'm just like, see what's going on. Oh that's kind of beautiful though, and then I was shamed with guilt because oh god, I'm going to get struck by light and then go

Five five B five were them five boys, the Breeding five. They were like a rebuild of the.

Jackson Oh super light skin kind. I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

You just a girl and we thank you, We thank you for your business. A lot of people have turned on us, so it's it's nice you know that there's somebody still out there.

I try my best, Like I'm getting a Chocolate King is like every time I go out, You're a color is Michel, But I swear I'm not like I love Chocolate King. The Green Niggas.

Man. That's how they come to Yeah, damn no, I don't think it would work as well if you were a green eyed dude.

Yeah no, I I wouldn't trust you to look in my eyes, yeah and not take advantage of that.

Yeah, greenizes. Yeah, the green eyeses a lot, and my green eyes, like I never went full green eyes before. I never went full green eyes. You didn't counted, I guess. So yeah, you said, yeah, it's like now it's just we're green ezing now. Yeah. So like my kids going to like Steph Curry kids, and it's like, Okay, that's just my life now. Yeah, everyone's not green eyes with me because you know, the gene's gonna take over. Yeah, and they are going to talk different to you in

Because my wife I'm trying to darken her doorstep. Okay, we're trying to bring it back. She's good.

Now I'm trying to bring it bringing it.

Let's bring it back over here.

We can get back to straight black. Yeah. So the bloodline is he does have eight great black great grandparents. I've checked. I don't always play like that. You know what I'm saying. I make sure it's just a mono racial light skin. Okay, fine, but yeah, how do you even get on my skin? Oh? Be five? Yeah, please write fan fiction and want what you want? Want? What's that? What was the B five hits song? Oh dude is Oh that's right. They remade the Troop song. I'm thinking

Oh no, Troop remade it in the eighties and they kind of sampled the true version, but it's still Yeah, so that was like the whole But yeah, I was writing a sexy between me and Chris.

I wrote a story and it was based off the song Circle by Marcus Houston. Of course, because of course it was yeah and a fine man as well. No, no, because he was wearing through trench coach like it was never really for me. Oh sure, I think my big he was came out like, heyday was this child? I was gonna say he was too sexy to young.

As he grew up and did it didn't he was like because immaturity, dressed like a man, but he was still a boy.

That's that's a tough fact.

And you could tell that he was gonna have a weird shape, you know what I mean, Like it wasn't finished yet, but you could tell.

Like the hair hit that hit, yeah, and the my head was unleast. She was like, oh, that's your head.

He got, he got, And I want to be respectful about this. He got little person head.

Which is, uh, that's an affliction that strikes many.

It's not a judgment, is I think of that shape wise? Yeah, just shaped like what I think is a part of a lot that is kind.

Of like the peanuts from Proud Family m but like rotated. Yes.

And I want to be careful about making any more comparisons because now we're getting into dangerous territory of what I said mixing with what you said, and now they're going to be like we are saying little people have peanuts shaped.

Go deeper, stay with me now. And what hurt me is all he's saying something important. I'm separable. You're saying you please don't get me sent to jail. So yeah, the erotic scene and it was like, okay, I was with Brian from BEEFI because he was when I was my age, So I was like, okay, my name on everything was Brian's Girl ninety four That's beautiful and thank you. And so I was with Brian in high school and you know the song so he fell apart And I'm

No, not that country boy from Tapa Handache.

Now he is where he resides. Understand it is a little man. And you see that band in a hanger. That means he's like a bandit might like abandoned woof Yeah, Oh good for y'all kids. Kiss And I'm not gonna like denounced Chris Brown because like you keep on embrassment. You're just not a good person. I can't keep but like I'll be like, I'm a country. I got it. Sorry.

I had to think of it as a paint song.

That is a good way to think healthy. I got paper Girls and now he started me. But yeah, so I was writing getting word and this is before Wi Fi and you have to little U USB ship to put like Sprint would sell the USB to get on the Internet, but with wireless, but we had one per household.

I am aware of the technology.

Okay, you weren't there, but you remember, I know that that was a way to get the Internet. So yeah, it's like in between dial up and actual wireless. This was like the bridge and down. She came in the room to like, hey, can I borrow the Internet? Very two thousand and seven question, and I was like, yeah, here, you know, but I'm on this big ass computer typing and she's my sister's twelve years old and she's twenty five. So she's like, what the fuck are you in here?

Yeah, she has, she has, she's a reporter.

She's twelve years older. She was twenty five.

She told on my sister. I'm ten and ten years older than the next in line, and I told.

On them, and my sister's told on me like routine. I could do it, especially if I was doing something. They would have gotten trumb before. If they were my agent did it. They're like, oh, I'm telling on you man. So she told me my mom. She didn't tell my dad, wish I was thankful for it, but she did tell my mom, and my mom made me print it out, oh the whole thing, and she read polish, she print controlly.

Just like, you know, what's wild. You're not even the only person I know that that's happened to. WHOA My boy Zach, another comedian, he had that he wrote ship and his mom found it. He came home and his mom was like, he has a joke about it. But he came home and his mom was reading it and she was like, my friend Catherine.

About her friend her friend Catherine.

He had written his own erotica aboutgers basically, so.

I think maybe it happens. I never was that creative my sister.

I shouldn't have said her name, no, readact that my sister.

One time we caught her looking up porn and she the way they called her is they looked through the Google history, and the Google history like the drop down was like it said naked man and then it said naked man with no clothes and then it said naked man with no clothes.

On having sex. And it was just listening. She was probably it was young. It was last ten eleven. They said, you've been on the computer, and I said, I swear to god, that's not what I like. When I was eleven, c I had more. I was watching I was watching the like the cinemac ship, because I always I've always been in like a night owl. Everybody else in the house to be sleeping. I'm like, I'm up, So what's up? What's someone? And I found it like organic. I was like, oh, yeah,

And I think at this point it's more a nostalgia for softcore than it is like a sincere life's not in practice. I am not like seeking softcore on a regular basis. I am not your the premise.

I'm not you were like online finding vintage.

No, and it sucks that you felt that way, because this is now maybe the second or third time you've repeated it to strangers astract and I'm realizing.

I thought it was I thought it was like, wait that we bought, realized that thing I knew about.

You and you were proud. Yeah, he's bragging about me around here. Heypcore guy. It was class because it is classic, because the way porn brain has really ruined the world. Everything's porn now, and I do have an appreciation for it. I can, I can finish the job with it, but it is not what I'm seeking.

It's not active anymore.

No, no, no, it's not a Twitter porn kind of person because it's just you know, but did you ever go on Tumblr porn? Tumble porn used to go crazy me and my friends in high school. This has been such a horny episode. Y'all gonna juge me. This is your first time meeting me. I'm so sweet, you've been here before. Yeah, but we weren't talking like, we weren't talking about coache The whole got jymn time. But then

No, it was it could get as specific as you needed it.

Yeah, are you getting Let's let's turn this off of me.

Oh, dark nipples is what I'm thinking of you.

Dark nipples on dark skin, dark nibbles on light.

Dark nipples on dark skin, but dark. You just type in dark nipples and then it's all dark nipples.

You get what you get when you're type in dark nipples. Okay, So what is about dark nipples?

Like?

How dark? You're talking and it only gets so dark? How dark do they get?

How deep is the marianas trend?

Okay?

How deep is the soul of a criminal?

How dark? What do the angler fish sleep in? How dark is the bottom of night time. Okay, you know what, respect You know that's very mean, but I'm not.

What Tumblr taught me is no, it's not a lot of guys and a lot of people in the dark nipples.

I think that's what made Tumblr beautiful was it was it had the instincts of Twitter, right, but where you could look up any niche thing, but everybody had to have done at least a little bit of curation, community, and a little bit of a checks and balances, where like, if you say you're into dark nipples, you gotta study that ship. You gotta really make a collection and put it together, as opposed to just saying something reckless and running away anybody.

It was also where I found out about pillow humping.

I think I heard about that too, but I never understood the concept of a pillow hump. It was like for you or for me to watch oh yeah, to watch oh I thought you meant as a concept you know what? Oh no, I would watch videos of ladies doing that because it was not as like it was.

It felt not as hardcore as watching two people fuck, but you could tell she was really enjoying it in the spots. Yeah, yeah, Okay, it was a whole community.

Okay, that's the thing. The girls do be humping pillows that it's not.

Oh, you don't got to tell me.

I know, you know, you know. They just came back from the convention. Pillow con is crazy. That's where that my pillow guys at. I just got back and my thighs are tired. Try to, like the girls say, we pillows, let me try to. I'm like, this is not even would do much. I think it depends on your couchie. Though. If you don't want that's kind of like convertible, then you can get right to it. And I think if you got a want in a will, you can make love out of anything. Man. That's the truth.

You know.

The beauty of it ain't nothing sexual. And I think that's a beautiful way for us to send it to break. Man. Yeah, it was an emotional truth that that maybe y'all need to sit with me a little bit before break, which is all right. My mama followed me, bro, really, my mama follows me. Mental. My mama told me we're back.

Oh di, you.

Bitch, I caught the butt. Nobody supposed to be here. Well, bitch, I can't up fuck, and we came to discuss cuchie. We did, and then this is just a very educationally crucially episode and he were just talking about the lack of coochie education. Yeah, black girls, we don't have it. And it's everything sex sex, sex, sex, bad, bad, bad, bad, back fast fast fast hot in ass hot and ass.

They put it on Network TV. If Irish Spring was your Dick.

I'm saying, when you got periods, it would just be bloods, trails in the streets, just free pads.

Yeah, I never shut up about it. I also think it's crazy if I had a period, I never watched this is again.

Right now, just imagine I wish I could feel a period, just and it's like I don't, I don't know, and they evolved as you get older. They changed. Like one day on my period, I just started throwing it, Oh, throwing up during my period. Popped a blood bests on my eye. My eye was sucked up for like a month.

Yeah, that's horrible from period.

That is it is normal. It is in the spectrum of normal. It just is. It's just part of it. Girls can't walk.

I am period sensitive, brush, I am aware of it. I want nothing to do with it personally, like I don't want to period.

Yeah, my wife's period like a cowboy recognizing another killer.

You know what I mean? Hello, sir husband, Would y'all change your wives.

Tampons if she was like confirmed.

If she broke both her arms, she can't change her tap. Do you know how tampon works. I'll figure it out. I've read the little paper in the box. Yeah. It's like a push pop push, Yeah, pull out the applicator. Yeah.

Now, now I would be concerned with roughness.

Roughness. I just I wouldn't know how he thinks he's gonna jab it. I'd be scared.

I'd be somehow not sensitive enough inside of there, But I'd figure it out.

I guess it's a ringe I hear you of sort. No, I've seen it. I single mom, I'm saying, I'm talking about the speed insight. Bro think I used to think you could pull the cord and it would shoot out. And then it's also the issue of leaving a tampon in there.

Yeah, yeah, toxic shock syndrome.

And so the period people used to come to our schools always to come to schools and do assemblies and explain all those learning Yeah, wait, where were you That's what periods It wasn't about. Oh, that wasn't what they wanted to hear. They weren't like showing you a diagram or nothing.

And but that sideways diagram is confusing when they cut THATCHI in half and then they're.

Just like.

Trying to imagine my penis somewhere within this doctum.

It don't make sense. But they show they give you paths to show you how to put them on. They tell you about tampon and one of them, hype is Lies, said you could flush tampon and you cannot. No, no, no, you cannot. That's how you get a shock coming up your bowl. That's what that was about. Yeah, they would explain was and you know one day and when I moved to Atlanta and I was in the Cab County,

Plane and then she's somehow brothers they're so fast. We were always going to get there, But man, did you you jumped the gun fast?

I railed the whole episode. We having a great time, though.

There's a lot of cast episodes that are completely devoted to Dick. So I think we can spend forty minutes on my Michael.

She I didn't eve talk about the good things about it. She's great. She's a nice girl. I've heard she's very warm, fantastic greeter. She she has perks. She's a sweet girl. She had to figure it out, she had to catch her footing. But once she got her footing, I mean that's summer twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen, she was outside. Oh shit, she went outside in twenty twenty. She did. Okay, good. I think you were married in twenty twenty right now, Yeah, I was married by it. Yeah, a lot of us

We found out how far we were willing to go.

It is what pandemic. Unfortunately I didn't get my proper like goodbye to the streets because pandemic hit. I live with my mom, and I was also a rised myself for being asthmatic. So I was like, I genuinely will die. So I can't even play like that. And it was in Atlanta because it was open. I goes in Atlanta. I could have been outside if I wanted to. And then and I met my now fiance on Twitter this summer twenty twenty oh, so you was with someone else.

Yeah.

And then now I'm making chicken thighs on a Thursday. That's beautiful, that's great. Or you're making chicken thighs mm hmm. And I'll be watching my girl stuff on TV. I don't know, like we we rotate.

We were just talking about that.

We mean, while you're you guys swap back and forth with who cooks.

It's usually whose ever idea it is for that dinner, I'll make it. So if it's like if I'm like oh, I think we should have chicken thighs and sweet potatoes tonight.

I'll make it only clean so it doesn't cook clean.

Yeah.

Our thing is like if.

I cook, he doesn't cooks, and I've opted out of the switch, and I just go sign she wouldn't.

She doesn't ask me to, but if she asked me to, I would.

Laundry is my most hated chore.

Okay, yeah, it actually doesn't bother me at all. Man, I hate it and stresses me the funk out cooking. Cooking is like funny, especially if you put on music or you throwing.

R and B. Yeah. Now Summer Walker and I'm mm hmmm.

He loves to play Contagious.

Why well, no, that's not a good cooking.

So that's a good song anytime of the any activity. I love that song.

I remember the summer. That's why I love you. Got mad? You know it is is because I was just.

I was just I was in the car with Alana and we were driving and I was like, we were coming back from Costco, and I was like, I want to hear some Kelly Price, and then I was just listening to a friend of mine.

I was like, she did not get what she deserved. Pat phobia, I think so. Yeah. But Friend of Mine was a big hit. Yeah yeah, but it was like, actually, I can't even talk about it because I wasn't. I don't remember that as we slept. Yeah, the Heartbreak Hotel. She has some hits Whitney, Yeah, I like, I like that, like Heartbreak Hotel. What's the other one? The drugs didn't take the game away? No, no, she was. She was still doing it. What's the other hit from Heartbreak Hotel? Ara?

It's the.

Yeah, yeah, yea. Even her last I looked so bad. I do think me.

I think the real real great. They kept they kept cooking after the drugs. Michael, No, he ain't really miss even with the ending. He was like, Make Invincible is a great outright.

You know what I mean? I mean, talent is talent. That was like the drugs. I think if you you start off off on drugs, depending on like these new these new rappers, you own them fifty facts and you on that. All that the perks is writing the songs you're not.

Yeah, and that's and that's not a good drug. I think there are drugs you want to write songs for you. I don't think Perkoset is one of.

The perky You're not putting percoset in the liner notes, but you should.

I think Alsdca writes you a song.

LSD probably.

Yeah, I hate to be that guy.

I think. I think.

I think, don't correct get your hit. Crack will get you.

The thing about crack, And we've been talking about crack this week. I don't know if it's just the l a up at all, but like I learned because it I'm thinking about snowfall. That's why again in nineteen ninety four, I wasn't there, yeah, for snow fall.

Do you think we were?

I'm just saying for like crack. Oh, Like, I didn't really like seeing crack outside, but it had died out a little bit by the time I was working still crack, but like eighties, it wasn't eighties.

Yeah, exactly when we were no matter when we our age.

Yeah, you fucking it up. I'm sorry, we're trying to act eight seven. Yeah, that she got us. It was so funny, you got it exactly. Our birthdays are like two weeks of pretty soon, that's cute, that's very next week, yeah, two weeks, two weeks. Yeah. Tourist areas yeahs. And he's just as Torris as I am.

Mixed your face. Don't you dare disrespect It's a fine man.

I don't even know every time that was a toman, I need to say, Okay, and you learned something from your experiencecause you lost such a good thing. Yep, I lost something. Sounds like somebody was in the Heartbreak Hotel. That was a good one. I got a friend of this villish you know what I'm saying now.

You you came to us today with the conspiracy theory that will probably barely talk about.

But who gives a fuck? You said? You said? My mama told me they've already soft launched the aliens. Yeah, so they're kind of like dropping breadcrumbs. What's the white man that said something? But then again, it's twenty twenty six. I don't know if it's Sue or not, but said something about the aliens, like like y'all nicks not even ready? Yeah, what was it? Because I've been like just scrolling through my phone like I don't know. Yeah, it's just like there was an era where.

Where there were or were people being like we are fully admitting that there are a When said it, Obama said it, Trump has announced it and opened up documents that have objectively prove aliens of some being or some some thing exists.

Yes. Yeah, So my thing is just like okay, so now what And it's and they're purposely like overloading us with like funck shit all the time, so we don't have time to even worry about the aliens because gases nine dollars. So it's just like, where are the aliens? I would like to see that. And I'm a very big sci fi nerd, So I'm like, are you gonna give me some aliens? Are you gonna be animate the dinosaurs? Give me something? Yeah, because I've been ready for these aliens.

My inform it is so amazing it can't even be perceived.

And I think that's what it is. I think. But the same thing. The other thing is I think there's several obviously there's way there's billions of other light years and shit, And did y'all watched Project Alt Marry? Yes? And don't you dare spoil that movie, I mean space. I mean there is an alien and if you seen the trailer business ail in it, but like it was like, we can't even we've made like these humanoid Yeah, I

The Gray Boys Grace, yeah yeah, when they're not called the Gray Boys Grace, I just added boys.

Yeah, okay, and that's cool. You put a vibe on it. I'm not at all, but that's been the archetype because that's what they saw. It was the first ones to come over here, and they got ams legs like us. But like like you said, like like on some nope ship like the Ailien is not even I.

Think that is more if you're if you're meant, if if your body is adapted to a completely different system, why would you even be close. I it'd be crazy to think that this is the most efficient body on all the planets everywhere everybody.

Where we have the air and the water and the ship. But if you got them on and y'all all those names, y'all got fucking elements that we don't even have them.

Why would you even have feet? Let alone be bipedal. Maybe it's better to have ten of them.

Yes, it wouldn't even make sense over there. You got to back for what y'all got double irons?

Yeah you walk?

Yeah, eight titties, that's maybe that's not too many for you.

For you, maybe you can't know that. To visualize eight titties like where they would all go, it's not difficult.

Here's what I would prefer is that they're I like two of them on your should. I said, I want them, I want them in pairs.

What have you done for?

So for me as someone who has like titties for real, like not like for like big todays, congratulations on that. I just have they came eventually, And I'm just thinking of the logistics.

That's a lot of Brazil Like, I don't think they do Bras. If you got a city, well and if if their gravity is lighter, you don't have to just yeah, titty maintenance. I don't think I understand what having titties, but imagine less gravity. They just sit up on their own. They're not even way down. But sometimes sometimes see what I'm saying, that's not fun though, like underwater.

I mean, I guess I have balls. So you know how it feels to have something like touching you all day? Yeah, yeah, that's that says sounds like hell, it's really manageable. It's pretty good because my clo are like tight. Yeah.

We're not really gonna ever complain about what we got going on that now because it.

Doesn't hurt, right never.

I mean, if somebody hits you in that directly, it's been a while since you take the older you get, the less nut shots you take.

Yeah, yeah, I'm proud. I'm proud that kids just.

Like kids dogs, the dog get the dog will get it.

We've had big talks in my house about not doing that, doing that. Yeah, I know you're dad just came home. You can hit me a lot of places, don't hit me there. So how do you say that? Two or three row exactly like I just hit daddy and the bass? Yes, absolutely, Well, I don't think you have to say balls. We don't call it balls. Penis. Okay, you got good, don't everything?

Yeah, don't hide from it.

Y'all got you got a vagina, he got a penis, I gotta Yeah, this is a deep cut.

Look who's talking? M ye.

Mommy penis with Ted dancing. Yeah, like when he was young, his name was Mikey. The little boy's name was Mike dancing.

Who was he was a voice? You know, Ted dancing dad. No, it wasn't Josh Volta.

Was it?

What's ted dancing?

And what's three minute? But Ted dancing? Maybe the real baby daddy? I don't know, but maybe it was. Who's talking is josholt.

Yeah he's he's an actual dad. He's got the baby.

He's like you, I think is the baby man? That was? That was a combo that is film. And then like look was talking to and then look who's talking now? When it was the dogs talking? I don't like that one. And Kirsty was the mom she was and that was my bitch from that and then she does run her legacy and no one even cares she that.

She's she told maybe the funniest story before she died to me, the funniest story.

It's hate.

It's purely hateful. It's awful, but it is funny objectively. She's telling this story of how her parents died. And she explains that her parents dilling on Halloween night and they were going to a party. One of them dressed like a Klansman. The other one rest like a like a slave, and then they died. And then they died in a car crash.

I bet they did. And she's telling it like it's a sad story. Yes, I remember that. I remember that, and everyone's like, yeah, I bet they did that. They died. Yeah, good mom. Do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?

Just using that episode so I forgot I had it. I'll you guys what happened?

Yeah. Curtsey is another one my favorites. Dropped dead gorgeous, the classic you had to run cheers. She was doing it a classic. What are the aliens? Tell? Tell me what you think? Uh? The aliens are meant to do? I think they're already here. And are you fearful of them? Like? What do you think that they're like? Uh, I think anything we need to worry about. If they wanted to kill us, they would have been did it?

What if they even meant met any kind of harm?

Right, It's like goes back accounts from the government, go back so far at least you know sixty.

Like they a crazy nigga quarter shut up crazy nigga. Yeah, niggas Like did you see the East Atlanta Alien nigga going eighty fives out show. Oh he's great away, so fucking funny, we love him. That was so funny. But I do believe they really be doing that, Like no one's gonna believe you, right, even in independent day like the crazy niggas I told you niggas I started alien nineteen seventy two, I told y'all.

And he went up to fight and then that. I do think that there's a level of of sort of like intentional feeding us information that feels like they know a lot more than they're even willing to share. Because even with like fucking the space Army that Trump established, they claim the whole point is to be fighting against other countries in space. It's it's not has nothing to do with aliens, which means that y'all know something about our safety as it relates.

To try to go to the Moon so they can establish a colony I did and leave us here to that.

Well, yeah, we worried about us and the aliens is yeah, Ultimately the point they're like human.

And anybody call and tell me nothing. I like the moon. They're up there, You mean called to invite you to go? No, because the look on Gail's face when they went to the space a couple of months ago. My yeah, real bad. After I was shipp up my back and that was anti gravity. Ship just flowing and you can't do another way that. You just got to try to catch it. I don't want ship. They didn't tell her to use the bathroom beforehand. She got off. She needed the duky.

Bad it it.

Yeah, I would have liked to know were going to the moon for real, But again they overload us with so much fuction that I don't want to read the news and I look up it's a black man in space.

Yeah, finally, But they're not even going up there to do alien ship, that's their claim, and so to me that means as must be not the threat at all.

And I think it's just it WI takes so long. I think we like, did y'all watch the Dinosaur documentary? They're like, but the new ones with Morgan Freeman on on.

It's called dinosaurs. I don't know why I said that, dinosaurs, I think, but.

It just showed me like we're just such a blip. We're really just evolved monkeys in the room talking about cochies. Yeah, what a beautiful way to see it. Yeah, we're evolved monkeys talking about couchies. Can we keep that as a tagline for this show? We're just evolved monkeys, you know,

But some of them give live birds and some of them lay, so maybe it's a little more complicated.

So yeah, and that is also saying so we talked about that, like, and then they just have to fight so many predators they just got every time you're like, okay, this is the new dinosaur. Oh yeah, okay, what the fuck? It goes out here though? And then when the media came, I didn't know this about the fucking media. I'm over here and enjoying some and otay's these people died for this.

Ye, well they were dinosaurs.

These dinosaurs died for this, and I'm up here swimming and ship in the fresh water. They die, you like that dinosaur had the sun and the only dinosaurs that survived with the little ones that could fit in the caves. Because okay, the media hit, they started coming like what the fuck is that it hit? The ones that were in it's like they said, it was like the three hundred Timic bombs.

The big dogs there, they're out of here.

They were immediately. But then it like like on Paradise, you know how like this want to go out the smoke cloud here if if something's coming to the planet, I want to be right under that vaporized me. I don't want to.

I don't want me and my family unsuspecting.

You don't want to deal with the I don't even know. I don't want anybody to.

Have to suffer through sort of like the slow death of a plan. And you don't want to scavenge the wasteland, like.

You don't know.

I would be, man, I'm not trying to teach my babies to eat bugs. Yeah, useless people.

Absolutely not fucking book Eli out here.

Yeah now you can't see no, but I know, Karate, that's pretty cool.

The smoke cloud covered the earth eventually, and then they got cold and they started slowly dying. Yeah, and they just died. So I'm like, these niggas got slow thought they all just immediately. That so sad than the media tastes in Mexico because it hit in Mexico and that we bothered you. I was. I was hurt because I beat the snow taste. I was just over there.

Damn these niggas fun there was Minis was.

Yeah, now you're getting yourself caredging. Yeah said dinosaurs dinosaur. We don't say that enough. We don't know what if oh Milanda plane, Yeah, let's go. When you say a black girl land before time, I'm listening. But someone but what is aliens came and picked up some dinosaurs and moved them because they knew what if the media was a ship and they had some people come get the dinosaurs. Don't want them to have died. This means a little are you saying it? What are you saying? I think

Okay, if this mel is what you need, I think that's But.

You think about sixty five million years ago, twenty millionars like Earth is young, so the other planets they've been here too. They got their own dinosaur. As far as we know, they don't not a literal dynotam, but they got their own prehistoric ship. You know what I'm saying.

I think I think what is a bummer about our communication about space is it always is framed around like ship that looks like us and our timeline and our timeline and time don't exist the way. I bet they've had some real freaky ship out there.

Everything is. You got a different suns and moons, you guys.

Pennywise, Yeah, he's existing all the once. Did y'all watch Walcome to Day? It's good? Is not my genre either, but I heard it was niggas on there, so I was like, okay, fine, I heard they squaring up. Oh get I like attack the block for black Hord. Okay it was crazy choice Yeah yeah, spoiler alert. At the end of the movie, at the end of the season,

It was sure about the Irish girls to be honest irish girls, dairy girls. That's what I'm saying.

He penny Wise like he's taking the form of a of a clown, but he's like three dots. He's three guys, three dots. What are you saying? He's three dots? Okay, this is not working. Penny Wise's true form is like like three dots, and it just it's like three dots going like this.

Oh oh, and you're saying that's what aliens could be. It could be anything.

I'm not good at fighting dots. So he takes a far better dots and men of the clown I've never thought of dot Maybe I could beat the ship on it. So he's three dots, but he could turn into a clown. He can take the phone of anything and then whatever scares you. Oh so, what are you afraid of? The clowns? Yeah, and that didn't really example, what are you afraid of? Weirdly three dots. That's when he really become Yeah, we

Okay, when's you're saying or confusing me so much?

If you were hoping to watch Welcome to Dairy There's never been a better advertisement.

Dairy girls, dairy girls. Watch that tube about these Irish girls. But last point, Yeah, the ocean. Let's go, And that is a point. And it's my favorite place. I love the ocean so much. The man loves the ocean.

And your I bet what you're gonna say, or at least where you're leading us is the fact that we know so.

Little exactly exactly. Yeah.

So I'm listening. Either two options, uh huh, choose your own adventure, you know, I like that in the ocean, okay? Or number two, the dinosaurs in the ocean.

Oh there's dinosaurs down there for you. Wait it could be no, I mean listen, there's more ocean than there is land. Anything could be going on there.

It might be dinosaurs.

That's what this mostly is. I feel like we forget that a lot yet.

Started sucking the dinosaurs.

Okay, and we're gonna take a break. Morel Mitchell, more, mama, mental me, We're back.

They shoot up the coffee shop, who knows, that's not that's not our business. We we ain't say nothing. Have you Central Central Birth, that's the name of it. I don't watch Friends, very anti watch Friends before. Have you been there? They have what? They have it on the Warner Brothers lit. Yeah, I don't. I'll walk past it and you never, you never went in. It means nothing to me. It's just funny that it's there. Yeah, and they won't take it down even though it's been like thirty.

Yeah, it's like a main part.

You never.

Yeah, it's in there.

And I went to the they had the Friends Activation like that tour, and then we had one in Atlanta and they had all the things my homegirl likes Friends. I was like, girl, come, I got free tickets from work. But I didn't know anything ship. I mean, they had the couch, sofa, stairwell situation. I'm just sitting here like.

No, I don't like the show at all. But I've been into that coffee shop because it's funny to me.

I've been in like a Seinfeld replica and I was like, this is fun. I like this.

And I was on the I love Lucy said okay, and yeah, Jamestown they have like a whole museum that's her home.

Yeah.

If it was something I liked, I'd be excited, but if it's not, I'm probably be excited. They had like that's so raven.

Oh and.

You you you you were that's a raven girl, Like if you could go to the den, if I can go to the den? The dam was flying man has gotta be on Peico. I remember when it has to be on the den?

Was the children? Yeah?

Uh that the sister sister when they went to college.

Like, as an adult, I rewatched sister sister and Aisha the sister wins. It was good the entire time. When Mos went to college, it wasn't as good because.

Molsa kind of means she's not She's not cool, and she wasn't nice. She was always like it was always like her playing out her friends or being shitty. Yeah, her dad, poor, her dad gave her a Saturday and she said, no, I'm gonna do my own thing.

Bitch. Take the Saturn want cheap money? War torn Jeep is what I want? What do you break down on graduation.

Day talking about by he got this house on the office set on a Saturn dealership.

I think there's an argument that Molaysha is the villain of that film.

Sure, that's for sure. Now the Parkers, they were having a good time but making music. Come on, they're both going to college. Now it's double trouble.

It's fun. Their plaguing fake sororities.

Yeah, a white girl named six no, what was her name?

Is six? And awesome Stevie And yeah I do. I will always have smoked for the writers for making Nikki leave mel Jackson at the altar the end professional Ogilvie was whack too. Now you've been playing with me for four seasons and I and I leave mail Jackson again trying to beat the colors allegations. But he up here from me. It's like Alan Payne, will Smith Mail Jackson specifically, so man walking to a bar, right, those are my kings, like those are my my mount rushmore of colorism.

And you don't hear that one a lot?

What Allan Payne still he's still hit it for you. Yeah, he stok up the little curl business business buff hell. Yeah, the New Yate City play. He's doing the play lyric his daddy. Yeah, bron, how do.

You feel about like uh, like I said like a like a c before Allan.

Pain funny, I'm black girl, I'm black Colt. What about Cosby Show? He was good on it was good. I'm start it. Yeah. Actually I take that Jason lyrics because I watched a Cotte show every night on nickd Night, and I love the episodes with Eric Alexander, Yeah, my cousin Clip and then Charmaine. She really breathed new life into what was a dying shit, Like really, okay, we need some cute kids. Okay, bring Raving in because we didn't. Got too old, she got a period, it's not funny.

It was like the Cosby Show got good when he acknowledged hip hop and the intro. Yeah, and then there's like a beat behind it.

Monkeys like saging pants on the ground. That's why nobody respects you. You go, Jim, Jim, that was so crazy. You talking about pants on the ground. You are He wasn't concentrating on that, That wasn't focused on Yeah, she was so a lot of myself that you're so good on this, We're gonna put you on the spinoff and you're gonna keep talking. And I was like, I see myself in this. Yes, she was fun. She was a brown girl, dumb, light skinned nigga. I mean that's that's

Uh yeah, okay, let's do the voicemail. We get voicemails. They're fun.

Okay, I'm hello.

I don't know the first time that I got nervous and I didn't really know what to say. So I'm back again.

Uh.

I have a theory, you know, And first of all, I love you guys show. I've been listening for like total of seven days and I've probably.

Watched about much.

But I have this theory like about urinals, Like why can't they just like make them like flushing? Why they have to have cameras in front of our dicks? Like it's right, I mean I think they're keeping track of us, like, you know, like to how does Google know the average size of a penis? Like all right, they don't know what I look like. I could be a grower, not a shower. Like you're just gonna assume everybody has the same size, Like, I don't know what's average? What is average?

Man?

You know what I'm saying, This is the man I've gone to kind of like so doubting. I haven't spent so much time in my life thinking about it. But you're like, what's up with the cameras in front of our desk there? And like another thing like kind of like applied to be like a regular like holler, because I have plenty of these.

You know.

There's the interview process that's like storry like this can this be like my first interview?

Right here? Come on on?

But anyways, hi baby, show love you guys.

All right, body, this nigga got schizophrenies. What a lot going on? What a ride? There was a lot going on. He was like, why they gotta put the cameras there? Brother, there are no camera there's cameras. You need to call HR.

That's not common, that's not most generals have no cameras.

So is he saying that there is a Dick scanner in the urinals? Like I'm thinking incredibles, great example, exactly six inches right. It seems to me this young man was leaving a young ladies home and she said oh, your average. He's saying, who's saying. He's trying to figure out how did y'all get these numbers? While I my mom said my big.

Well, that's a complicated thing to unpack. That's why he called us. That's why he called I was gonna be here today to curate, and we've land meaningful. Yeah, I don't disagree with you. The mother park confuses me a little.

Bit, But I'm just saying, you know, men are like what, I have a picnic because mommy shows. That's what I was like, you got a big dick son, But you know what these boy moms get there, so maybe and that's the part I didn't. I was just, yeah, my mom hasn't seen mine for a while. Now you're not gonna either what you mean? It's just like last team. I shouldn't be saying it. That's what my mouth just

I don't even know about that. I don't even know about that.

They were like using age up their sons to see how they would look when they were older type ship. There's a brand of.

Moms who take a weird amount of pride in their children being boys. Oh and they are like there is almost like intimacy, yeah, between the two of them, but it's real.

The mom is in charge of the editor pool. Yeah, and it's a bummer to see them point a camera at it and go like, look at me, this is content. Oh yeah.

I've known people like that though, where somebody's mom was like, I don't want to say ed edits in that way, but like, and that's why you're on the podcast.

Congratulate spot.

Let me know, and we always land back at that's right, and that's and this is a Cuchie Forward podcast.

This is a Coucie Forward.

I've been doing Obama hands a lot lately. It's really funny. I just really like to do it. I like to do it to the don't I'm.

Gonna need you to poop. I love hearing the labs from like around. Sometimes you know said, you know, hope hopefully I've had a joker too. You went crazy, you went crazy. I am worried about our caller. I don't want to forget them. Yeah, let's let's yeah, let's say I'm a little troubled by the message that we received. They're not using Nielsen technology in the urinals to measure.

As farm as I know they're not if there's cameras in there, they're not using it for dick measuring as much as the documentation celebration.

Also, average doesn't matter because you got your dick. You ain't gonna have no other dick. That's what you got, brother.

You can't fix it. It is what it is, man. And even though whatever is average or not or whatever, Yo, yeah, come on, start eating. But to go to bed hungry you skipped dinner. Yeah, yeah, you come because sometimes the head is good. The girls I mean the girls be like, hold on, yeah, you know it's not good enough for you to sixty nine. Hey, let's go. I don't really like like, I'm not like a had first. This isn't

Kuchie was coached, Kushie was cooch. I think we learned all the answers we needed to learn about Kuchie, and we celebrated. We we we challenged ourselves, We admitted some beautiful things about our grew grew to that yeah, and were planted, planted for the future.

We don't have a whole koochie tree. By the next time you come back the juice David squeezed me, squeeze me one. You're going to the kitchen when you squeeze me a coci juice farm. I love that. Yeah, coochberry farm a child. Oh not very farm. Yeah, so excited I thought that was I was talking about not very farm. Oh my god, that's funny. Yeah, not very farm. So but now could you tell the people where they can

I know.

Hell yeah, what you got?

Cool Got Jokes City seven. You can find me in the alley fighting three dots.

Three three dots, Square up? Square up? How you do it? I do not know what.

I'm showing.

Everything's on Cool Got Jokes seven dot com.

Biz though, for sure, Viiz.

You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can see me at uh at in Denver first week of May. I'll be in in Denver at the Denver Comedy Underground.

I mean excited about that.

And you can send us your own drops, your own conspiracies. You can tell us what them three dots represent all at my Mama pod at gmail dot com. You can give us a call at A four four Little Moms. We would love to hear from you. We would love, love love for you to subscribe to our Patreon. We cooking over there.

We're going very crazy there. Yeah smart watch watch yeah, we take like dirt.

What we take dirty videos we found on Instagram and he hasn't seen mine, I haven't seen his, and then we watch them swap them Instagram.

Get we get there and dirt we should be clear. Dirt isn't always sexual. It's sometimes sometimes it is. It's perverse of the it is freaks, it is oddityse it is it is.

Sort of the under talking about like novels come like, oh, we get we open reads, passages, passes. Yeah, literature. At the end of the day, we own. We own a full library at this point. Yeah, patre Patreon. I want to touch a book. It's like the holy ground when you read it, it's great. It's quality material. He's not. I believe it's papyrus. That motherfucker th Wow you got And most importantly, uh yeah, follow the patriarch. Most importantly, I don't know. Bye bitch, why are you five in

My Mama Told Me it's a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heeart podcast.

Created and hosted by Langston k.

Co hosted by David Boordy.

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, on Se.

And Joel Monique, edited and engineered by.

Justin Koppy, music by Nick Chambers, artwork by Dogon Creey.

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