The Real COVID (with Ali Siddiq)

Stop everything, put that ship down, Stop making love to your significant others.

We're talking, get your penis out of your wife.

And get that pussy out of your side piece.

Yeah, out of it.

I've never had sex before.

We have big news, big.

Huge news, unbelievable news.

Where all of you who want to see us get filthy rich we are.

We are offering up a new opportunity, a bag of beans if you will, that we're hopeful you believe is going to grow into a giant bean stalk.

Yeah, magical beans, and that those magical beans are the my mama told me Patreon.

I actually am one point four percent Jerian African.

I'm a sister.

Okay, why's that the button you press?

I shouldn't have smoked. We're starting a Patriot, signing a Patreon. It's going to be much fun.

We're gonna have what four extra episodes a month. It's four extra episodes. It's all kinds of games. It's it's it's watch alongs, it's crab bags, it's gonna.

Be all mail bags, live streams, all this stuff, Langston's nudes.

This is the first I'm hearing of it. But but I'm not in a space to contradict. I'm desperate for you to join. So if if that is what will entice you to come see us over at Patreon, please do that.

Yeah, so you can go ahead and go online to ww dot Patreon backslash. It's on the bottom. Yeah, we'll have it flashing on the screen. It's all me likely but yeah, but we'll figure it out. It's coming by bitch, and.

So we're still trying to buy it back. But I gotta I got a remedy for that. Now, how to get it back? Lean tripping?

Oh you got a plane? Oh yeah, for sure. Okay, he's gonna run in there, OJ style.

I'm excited that.

They don't. They don't have to worry about us. Okay, this is.

Cool, and we do threaten big corporations here on the podcast.

Dush chips in your bears, racists, money.

Turning stuff.

I can't tell me.

Honey came in, says she caught me red handed creeping on the bedroom floor.

Picture of this.

We were both butt naked banging on the bathroom floor.

That's what it is.

You are right back, No, no, no, there it is Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me The podcast.

When we dive deep into the buggets of black conspiracy theories.

We also respect the music of Shaggy and his lyricism.

I think we respect Shaggy quite a bit on this.

I think he comes up maybe even more than he should.

I think we we talk about Shaggy more than most Shaggy centric podcasts probably cover him.

You heard it here.

I've been thinking about this.

This is actually something we could talk about real quick. How come we ain't never seen Tyresee with hair? Why has he been bald since he was a boy?

Alopecia? Okay, exciting?

You don't think he just figured it out. You guys never just shaped your head before. And he was like he was like this is too this is too good.

I'm not gonna need this.

Yeah yeah, yeah, Wow.

That's the Coca Cola commercial and he was like eighteen right.

Why he cut his hair was at the time, well, the dude, the other model type Dudeison Beckman had a little shape up and he wanted to be different. Oh, so he just cut it.

I mean, Tyrese looks great hairless. He looks like he's not supposed to have hair.

I do not say it as a critique genuinely curious because that man figured it out.

It makes it way faster.

Maybe maybe kind of like you know, white guys lose their hair very early. Yeah, maybe he's part white. I have no idea.

I'm gonna says.

I'm gonna say this, the Gibson family was dropped it.

I haven't dropped. This whole thing starts to come apart.

I can't. I think somehow he got Gibson and earned that name. Man, you know what I mean, he didnt have to. I don't know. He took it from a slave master.

They didn't give it to him.

I have no idea. Tyree is never the co Cold commercial.

I never had high way video, none of the early Tyrene hot dog.

He was, you know, when he came out, it was like no hell. When he first first Coke Cold commercial, he was just random dude singing. He was a model, I guess, you know, and then figured out that he could sing and boom bum boom co Colon commercial on the never had.

Never had here res. If you're out there, that's dope.

We think it's great.

We think that's real cool.

That showed Richard whole cadog bro you got no smoke over here, Sweet Ladies, a good ass song.

I think Tyree one.

The only time I've always even seen tar Reice is something when he got into it was Spanky Hayes and he had that chill on and he was talking to Spanky, and then Spanky came with some type of wool Woodie fir cot on Milligan then because he bought into him, Like yo, Spanky is fucking killing Tyres right now.

I don't know what spanking he had on some first ship he was like, so let me take you. It was. I was like, oh, ship's don this one.

Yeah alone, It was like some people you just can't really mock, especially when we're gonna go in like that's what you said, Like I don't know why and picked this battle with fifty fifty gonna be on some bullshit said the song is jamming enough, man through the damn song. Man don't got out. Nobody no verses and it ain't even happening. Or we're so happy he's making music again. Yeah, everybody's so pumped that he's making.

Music again, Like got me wearing my head over here, like come on, I'm wearing if I could.

And then you know, and then Juvey juve that came back out, got them girls buzzing it back over the game.

Oh you then came out with the answer to back then answer up. Lord, you're doing beautiful work pty alone.

I truly think Juveniles shouldn't have to pay taxes for his work in this country.

I think that's the first.

I think Juvenile is one of the most underrated rap Juvi. Man, that fucking four hundred degree album was but.

Nata imprinted, imprinted in almost every brain of a generation, and we don't get a lot of credit, a lot of credit in the South.

Man.

Yeah, it's weird. Really, Houston created all of these niggas. Houston created you feel like Houston, we can do that. Houston innovated before Atlanta.

Oh yeah, way before Lamb. Really yeah, wait before Lamb, tell me tell me more wave before.

Because for me, historically, I think about it like I think about like the.

Wave, always think about Atlanta because those are people who was getting the hype, but Houston cultivated. Like if you if you thought about this, who is the first independent record label.

Like in hip hop? Yeah, damn, that's the difficult.

It's clearly rap a lot over like no.

Limit, like time, Timeline, wise no limits way.

I mean, O Lipic came and got the game from J. He came and got the game from J.

What's what's what's the time? What's the time?

Stamp on rap a lot like eighty seven?

Damn that's before Death Brows, Ghetto Away, before Master p and L.

Yeah, No, for sure, Ghetto Boys was like, well, damn, damn, that's real.

Yeah, We're the home of the we the home of independent labels. That's crazy.

I mean when I think about independent rappers, specifically Southern I do think about, like Houston, for sure.

Houston's the only one where I go. I think about primarily, so you.

Think about you think about Swisher House that came after that's ninety eight.

Houston's the only one where where people are independent and it feels like y'all stay independent and thrive, right, everybody else stays independent and kind of like, oh, you see their ship every once in a while, but they aren't there.

Talking about swave House.

House came before the rest of them in the Swave House came from Houston.

That's Tony Draper all right, Damn.

Does that make you so you're like, yo, we started this ship.

Like when you think about chopping screw. Who you think about that's Houston?

Yeah, people, but people will say other people because they they copy, they mimicked it. But it's literally called chopped and screw and they and they think t pain and and all the rest of that.

But it's literally called chaptin true, it belongs to a man. He put his name on it. Person he got screwed. Here point who it was?

Like, Yo, Houston is like we we get overlooked for a bunch of stuff that we started.

Do you does that make you bitter about it?

Do you feel.

Making? It just made me think people goofy and ship. I was like, yo, your goofball.

Yeah.

It's like if you if you look at you from Chicago, who launched your first Chicago rapper?

Do or Die?

Yeah? Do or Die?

Is?

Who are they signed to? Crucial conflict? I would put way before a bunch of who was who was? Who was doing die? Signed to rap?

A lot?

Oh?

Whoa god? Damn I didn't know that. Guess fuck.

Like this way, sir, your story. We I'm old as hip hop damn. I mean about the same age and before. What's crazy is I'm actually older than hip hop because hip hop wasn't all the way when I was coming up right, right, So if you say this, go to eighty three, I'm ten. So there's rappers, but there's no It wasn't even called hip. I was just called rapping, right, Christmas rapping. I'm glad to rap about.

Him.

He was a rapper, saying, so you have rapping. Rapping and breakdance hadn't merged yet.

Right, Okay, okay, these were separate art were different, two different types of guys.

I just got break dances a man trying to stand. I don't. I ain't making with you, like to the music.

So it wasn't The hip hop is a is a collaboration of the d jan dancing close and rapping. Right, I see what I'm saying. I'm like FEI right, like wild shoe. Right, so this all this wasn't emerging, y'all. Never watched B Street?

Yeah you gotta, I said from.

B Street made me feel like if I go to New York, it's like I just got to stay away from that third rail.

That's how they got it. About time you watched it? You your third time you.

Watch twelve years old? That was over mid nineties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you.

Watched it in mid nineties. I watched it when it came out. See, I.

Never watched it, you know by the time I gave it news on there.

Okay, you don't know this.

You must make a big difference from me, a huge difference Breaking. I know this movie too dark for me. Yeah, I don't see myself on And you like Ozone better than term?

Is that the one?

It's been diesel in one of them, No.

Seaun Kann damage in the back end one like he looks like you remember street Fighter. The European guys were dancing in the back.

You know.

He wasn't originally a martial artist, just a handsome man. He was just a dancer that could kick real high. And they were like, bro, I could see.

What to do with you. That happens that happened back then.

You know, we just look at it and like, I don't I think that the past, the history of how things merged, gets overlooked all the time. You know, like this was like y'all do conspiracy theory. This was a major conspiracy theory when I was growing up, was on Breaking? Was was that broom on a wire that.

Was the coolest?

What was that broom can learn me.

This morning, this one breakdowns in the world. Yes, he literally have an electricity, don't the room?

And you know how many people try to do this do.

That.

It's like this won't stay Lee, I swear to that room for three seconds. It didn't wingle, but it's still for three seconds.

What I'm saying, like you, I do appreciate that of the world before internet, that idea of people try and ship in the house. Oh yeah, Like I think about what it would have done to me to have seen the moonwalk for the first time.

Bro, I tell you move, move.

The coffee coffee table, yo, mother and father make room, Like I can tell you. What you don't want to do is do it on carpet with no shoes on. Yes, I have the worst carbet burn on my toe since nineteen eighty goddamn free.

It was eighty four because I was eleven when when he when it came on.

Yo, yeah, yeah yeah, And we are stuck to this TV and Mike came out and it was like listen, listen, Like we were like, oh, his.

Brother's walking off. What Mike about to do? Because you had no clue.

Because was he solo? How soon was he no, he was.

He was getting ready to go solo. So he came out with his brothers and he was like, oh jacka Viarde, the hell yeah. And then then Mike everybody was walking off. He was like, excuse me, but like something No, they was like.

They were walking. It's like they were walking one way and Mike wasn't moving.

Mike's like, okay, okay, now that they're going yeah, now you know. And then he said it, yo, those are the good old days and I appreciate that. And then somebody the magically had a hat in his hand.

It was like, but.

Over over your ship is crazy too.

Because y'all were in the era you're watching this live, that means you didn't even understand that there was technology involved that Like he needed a smooth surface and a smooth shoe.

You're like, no, barefoot on carpet.

On carpet on cement like this was this became a breakdance move like this is one of the moves and breakdancing like, yo, this is this is a serious. See when people think that they know how breakdances, if you never carried cardboard around.

That's true.

Like a boy like you broke a box down and you had it with you, Jesse, do you imagine caring boys like I might run into mic and my head is gonna get served.

Crazy cardboard, so you already know what this scene.

And I had a piece of cardboard.

In my back pocket in a glove because I get hands ship And I was like, yo, I guarantee y'all never gonna catch me slipping.

I'm ready all type, Oh you only gloves.

Let me tell you something.

You're gonna get served.

If I'm in any sort of a situation and someone takes out one.

Glove, I immediately rethink I made said I made I'm sorry, I made a mistake here.

I realized it was one glove time.

I thought you were gonna put onto my dad. This is why it's crazy. It's like when people used to use.

People used to fight, like really just straight up fight, and when you come from the era of fighting, you you can't be scared in this day time. It's no, it's no way, like yo, you do know that I fight though, right, like like I don't have to shoot you. It's like, hey, when people you do this, Oh really, this is what we're doing to take off the ring off? He was like, oh, so this is this is about you one of them guys. It's been several times growing up, well,

And then people like, yo, that's me right now.

About this is a this was a different era man growing up in that era man the eighties was was I'm born nineteen seventy three. So by the time I'm ten, you know, I've been outside since like eight, well, like on my own where you can just be outside all day.

And then you get ten, are you running?

You?

This is when you really moving around? For about time you're thirteen, you like really moving around.

I have a feeling that a lot of this is rooted in the fact that we started making pot fights public conversations. That it used to be local sort of like small batch fights in a community that you knew about and you would find out through experience. You fight a motherfucker and you find out that that motherfucker can fight,

I don't know how to fight.

I'm just the embarrassment of it goes further than it ever has before. I like it within this are I.

Think you know how crazy it is, though, that you'd rather that all I do is shoot? So you so embarrassment super scenes prison.

The people who do it there.

Ye, so yeah, I can be free and embarrassed, but I can be talking in prison where now once again.

You have to fight.

I have to fight every day, but you can't shooting there. It's the hardest place to shoot.

It's no like, there's very rarely shot. Like just this is bad. You're going to get your ass beating regarded.

You might as well take this out, hey, man, get your hand, you keep going outside. You know how many times that people get into a fight, like the known people that were getting to a fight with each other and then have a drink with each other, yeah and talk about fight, you know you maybe with your head.

Yeah, they're sharing a forty.

That great. It's like me and my mom had a lot of nights like that at school.

I'm not laughing at him fighting his mother, not in this climate.

No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, it was one.

They were pretty one sided.

It was big. I'm talking about that.

Oh you're talking about when like your mom and then you gotta sit over dinner.

Then I just got to make sure to climbate because this is it's a mean climbing out here with when he's.

Sign when she whooped your ass and them pour you a big juice.

Yeah no, no, no, I'm no my mom whooped your ass and won't talk to you about it. Tell me what happened. Well, yes, came in and then ship went bad.

The move rooms, you follow you through the whole thing, the whole thing.

You're not even a silent whooper, which is disrespectful to me.

I would like you to be out of breath.

It was when you threw that shoe at me. That thing sort of changed on my end personally.

You know, hey, I was doing good.

Then you got what I'm saying. I thought my life was working.

How did you see it?

It did make dug Hunt worse.

I said, Chamberger Helper is delicious. I love it.

Thank you for putting in the work on you. You don't even want to ask, Yo, godall you cried over the food.

Yeah, that does not help. Stop.

But as if I.

Could stop, I would stop. But I don't want to be crying.

You get it, and I know it doesn't help.

But as a parent now I'm constantly telling my daughter to be like, come on, stop, you help it.

Man, No, it doesn't help it. But you can't help.

But be like, it doesn't require all this stop.

You're a young parent. Yeah, yeah, I'm a more seasoned parent. Sure.

So when me and my when my kids get into it, I am I'm like, come here, hey, I see you crying already. That's not that's not really affected me. It's not a it's not changing what I'm about to say. A season fani like nothing breaks when we jumping us. So so you find I wait, I wait to do list, Like, okay, we're in like three minutes now you have to be running out of water.

I actually don't find you adorable anything.

I'm gonna go do something. I'm gonna come back and see what you got going on. Like I'm like the worst to them, but I'm the best because I don't. I don't react anymore. It's like my older kids. It was like you said, you you're thirty eight. My oldest son is thirty two, so my oldest daughter twenty seven. So then I have younger kids and they I just look at them like it's like naked in trouble. I just be like that, that's how you felt done, that's what you want to do. I trust to believe. I'm

I don't. Yeah, yeah, that's how you feel cool.

Cool, Yeah, I'm gonna take that beating the words. The words are crazy.

I'm like, so you decided, man, this is what you was gonna do, okay, and you thought it was important enough for me. In fact, I don't even know why I'm having this conversation because I don't care. It was sing did you you should have died?

When you did?

I told you, I told you that, I told you that this electric bike was not an off road bike, you know what I'm saying. And I come back, I see that apparently you fail.

I did fail.

Oh, so now we're gonna compound the injury with lies. So I went out and I investigated. You know, I'm you know, I'm like forensic, right yeah, And I come in. I'm saying, so you heard, and you should be and you should you should be and the word what would have made this worse if I would have had to take you to the hospital, because I would have drove slow and I would have hit random bumps just to make it worse.

But we are going to stop off at RBS before let me.

Run and get me some fun to be in the hospital. Damn, this is not gonna be in My mom was like that my mom managed. I did something that my mom told me not to do. She started off with, that's what your ass get, yeah, like damn.

Yeah, yeah, especially sucking up a bike. That was a big problem in my house because that was like Bike's what I got bike as a kid.

That's like I don't I don't really have like anything else like that. That's what that's what I got. That's what I got. You It used to be your car.

It used to be standard issue for every kid.

And in that way, like everybody had a bike, but not everybody could get another bike, and so like if you fucked.

That up, that was that bro.

I got hit by a car on my bike. My mom just kept my ship on the back of the apartment. I just had to see it every day on the deck for like probably till the next birthday came around.

It was Thanksgiving day. I didn't get another one until my birthday.

To a mile, you should have fixed it yourself. That's what we would I got hit by a car. It was he had to fix himself. You were still thinking about you end up looking at the bike.

I remember what it was, maybe like eight years ago that I really I really got a different, you know, respect for bikes because I was living in this neighborhood and this guy asked me to join the cycling team with the with the neighborhood. I said, okay, and so he told me to go to this place called Bike Planetarium. So I went, and I didn't recognize any of the names of the bikes, and I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, you know, it's swinging huffy, being Max Diamondbacks.

Was like.

Yeah, Canads giants. I was like, yo, oh my man, what's the price of this bike. He's like, it's on there. I said, no, it's just a skew number on here.

He's like.

I was like, this bike got a common in that's sucking crazy. This bike was like four thousand, it's crazy. And I bought the cheapest bike in there. It was eighteen hundred hours.

That's nuts.

And it was I rode that bike like four times only because I couldn't take the pressure from black people, like it was weird. I was riding the bike and the next thing I hear on the street and the barber shops talking.

Like, hey man, you cool. I said, well, I heard you lost your truck.

God damn truck. He's like, yeah, they did. You was cycling. He was on a bike work. I'm like, I don't got a day job. What am I riding to work through? No?

I feel that because like that bike riding ship it putting the helmet on really hurt me a few times.

It's a big like riding past, riding past some cool teens trying I got my helmet on.

I'm thirty seven years old. Because my homie he got a bike at this this is a year ago. He got a bike at the same time. We're like, we're about to be your own bike. We didn't really really do it. His wife didn't make him get a helmet. My wife did, and now I got a helmet. Every time it's like, oh brother, it's such in like in like my bike is like I'm big, and I was one hundred pounds bigger, so I had to get like the so my ship wasn't like lean.

Down, you know. She was like and I was like, we got them.

You got them big bikes from Black Beach.

Yeah, ship playing atomic dog. You know what I mean that that helmet, that helmet is is respectable.

That's when when people don't know they laugh at you with your helmet.

But me as a girl man out of road by and I was like, yo, my man, where you get that hamlet?

Because when I bought that bike, I bought the helmet for damn shore because my boy was cycling with a team. Dude, here something in the street and they going fifty sixty miles and that one they really moving and that crash was crazy.

Yep.

And if he wouldn't have had he showed me his helmet, like, man, if I wouldn't have had this helmet on, bro, I'm talking about I'm out of there this mush and like, yeah, so that's crazy.

In my own west, we let you play like that. Yeah, yeah, we lost your friend like that, which was also like part of it.

It was like I can't Yeah, I'm winning.

I can't make something. You gotta get to get the new era something they were. It's all type of cool ass helmets, not a Walmart Man.

Walmart go to bike Planetarium is.

Yeah, my ship, My ship made me look special. It's like the bike and.

Then the posture you are making a choice for any cyclers out there.

He is not being disrespectful. He is just saying that because I.

Love your culture. If you're looking, I love bicycles. I still got my ship.

You know what I'm saying.

It's like specialized, that's what's brands.

And then you know that might need to tune up.

Yeah, manody need a tune that, like you got to take that bike in you got a specialist with a wal War helmet.

You're crazy, You're that's his conspiracy theory.

You're like, you're a bucket right now, you got to get the real ship that got it got grades to the helmet. It's like motorcycles, not a motorcycle helmet though for sure. No, it's like the motorcycle A mostcycle helmets have a certain grade to them.

Right I'm saying so like depending on how fast.

You get, like like you have different levels of motorcycle helmets, and these are the best type of helmets, the nine like something like that. But when you have a bicycle helmet, it's the joints that is fitted to your thing that come up under the chin, that your ears out, that that's contorted to your head, that make it look cool as hell.

But these are the real helmets.

No, I mean, my ship's cood. It's got like it's got like Walmart. You're not gonna sell me on a what is a top tier Walmart?

This is no body.

This is the one with the fresh produce, fine, the Stapleton working in.

The community, like the community emailing, not Walmart.

No, man, you gotta look my ship. But I do love bicycling. I was trying to get all my friends that nobody wanted to do was crazy with cycle a bicycle with me, I would I don't have a bike though, Man, I want to got another one.

It got a basket on it.

But we could go out stand bicycle in.

But I feel good about it. Not a bike. In the chat dropped the bike he has got a broadcast bike is how.

This is?

This is how sticks on how to do so my bike It's like, I said, man, why is it because my bike was I bought a Giant for the first time. It was eighteen hundred for this bike. And he was like, see what you can do And I was like, but I'm not carrying it, I'm riding it. He said, But I tell you if your bike, if you can pick your bike up like this with two fingers, you got a mean ass bike. Like that's a serious you know what? The frame was made out of some weird ship that

I'm trying to upgrade though, because I got one because I was heavier now that I'm lighter.

I could get a better what you had a mountain bike or you got a it was like it was.

Almost like a beach cruiser, but the gear system was different. But it's like the shape of a beach cruiser. Okay, and now I can get like a little bit. The wheels big, not not that big.

Like the way you said it. One big wheel you you like the baby and baby kids wills plastic.

Like damn.

Okay, you got a silly mustache.

Tirled up on the end.

I gotta keep it. I had to get it to support the weight the waights time. I'm trying to get something cool. You got my.

Relations Thank you. You know we haven't we haven't even we haven't done an introduction. This is fucking great.

We're cooking baby is all that?

All that?

Don't you think for a second.

That that.

To introduce him?

For candal owner.

Fame cyclist has joined us today.

That's how you know him.

Pass there's a cyclist. We couldn't be more excited for this because phenomenal comedian.

You know him from all of his goddamn specials, one of one of the emperors of comedy as it were.

Right now, we writer actor, comedian all the show. No actor, you don't act at all.

No, No, I'm a comic. H dick to straight comedy. I have no desire to act. Damn that sitcom or movie.

You wouldn't even fuck around over there.

That's it.

Well, this is my thing. I'm not gonna play no role that doesn't suit me one. But I'd rather be known as a comic and rely on my comedy bones before anything else. I think with comedy now, or with people's judgment of comedy, that they'll label you a great because you was in somebody's movie. Yeah, you know, a comedic actor is different from a comic. You know what I'm saying from a comedian. So oh because he was in this movie, because he was on this sitcom, that makes him a great comic.

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, I agree with that. People complate it like it's two different games completely.

It's totally two different guys.

Yeah, being funny is versus writing your own material.

Right, No, they're not even They honestly don't even have that much to do with each other. And people pretend like there's like a crossover, But some of the funniest motherfuckers on camera are not good at stand.

Up, Like.

I've seen some of the best stand ups and you see him in the movie and it's just like.

You get that bore, Like, damn, this guy was killing as the seller.

Though I like what you do, it's not it's not his words.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I having a that's a different that's a whole different muscle.

You know.

So I always people since my my whole career, twenty eight years, I've never came up to credits they weren't mine. And people used to I used to hear it used to be. It used to kill me.

You see them on Apollo, you see them on these all, like, yeah, dog, I don't even remember, Like he's on I'm not gonna lie to you.

That was a crazy flex. That is a fucking just to be like for you to be where you are in your career and be like, none of it, nobody else.

Gave it to me, This is all mine. That's yeah, that's a crazy flex.

Like what's crazy. When somebody said, man, I I saw you on Netflix, I said, no, you did not know. You did not You did not see me on Netflix. Nothing against Netflix, but you didn't see me on them. Yeah, you know, I'm on my own situation. So that's I say, the fact that you even associated me with Netflix, let me know that my my marketing and my my brain is really cooking, cooking this nigga in the game cooking, okay, and cook me and with comedy, because you know, I

Yeah, I'm show an amateur Pfizer repords.

Let me tell you why you need that eighth booster. That's the one that's really gonna get it. If we can all just get that eighth booster, it's really gonna take this thing out. I still wonder what was in that in that shot, in that shot, I still wonder in that shot.

I do believe that there was stuff in there that helped.

I just don't believe.

I don't believe that they did enough of the poor back and forth to get.

All this that ain't gonna help out.

You gotta get it, you gotta get it all out of the bottom.

You gotta get all this.

Water a little bit of.

I don't know, I think it's good enough. Just did you get COVID though I did, Did you get it early? I did not get it early.

You ain't you You you a fake covider Like I'm talking and I said about people all the call it after COVID, I don't. I don't respect your COVID. You didn't get it when the ship was hot, like when it hot all the presence, like when fish come out to grease, like I'm like.

Death, when it was.

Like you once it.

You tell that that wasn't real cooling the house like unstepped on coat, like my ship was not stepped on like ship I had.

Like everybody.

When you have it and you sitting there because I had to be in a hotel. I won't get my family sick. I'm in a hotel for thirty two days.

God damn.

Yeah, because you people don't realize everybody kept testing positive. You didn't just after fourteen days you would still test positive cold so you still didn't know that if you had it or not, you know what I'm saying. But you still had symptom. People like, oh, he just went away fourteen Like that's bullshit. You know what I'm saying. Everybody had it for a long time, like y'all saying goddamn, But you gotta remember people was in the hospital.

They wasn't I in fourteen days. They was in the hospital for a long ass time.

And so on the news when you have it, when you had the hot chick, when COVIE first came out and you sitting there and you're sitting there.

COVID sh COVIE was valid, was left on. They had, they got it. They got it out of Montana growing up there.

They had they had the shot at the time. This is when they had no fucking shot. And you're in the hotel room, right and you have to turn the TV out because they're saying people are dying from the ship that you.

Got, Like like, this ain't no random to this. So it was thirty two deaths today You're like, no, no, no, no.

I dashed next and then make another tic mark on the wall day.

Day twenty eight. My fucking legs swollen up.

That's scary at her, both of them, like both legs, Like I wake up and both of my legs are like fucking huge, like I have somebody else's legs FU, And I'm like, yo, this is this is fucking crazy. And this ship was Shiit was fucking scary to have it at that time, and they don't have like man, people were telling you to take all type of ship.

You know, you just you just you, just you in your own room, just mixing shit like Magnesie.

But then you gotta try. Boy, that's the difference maker. We ain't got enough of what you got zinc and you know, calling each other, hey man, how much zinc did you put it in? This ship?

Was?

It was?

It like a COVID hotel. Are you in the hotel?

I'm at a hotel like my hotel. Like I booked a hotel.

I booked a hotel and went and I went in and was in there thirty one thirty two days, and it was it was insane and it was crazy.

I moved hotels one time. I just moved my room to another to another floor.

It's like I felt like I was in his room too long and it and I moved and I never let the housekeeper come in. I just like yo, just put tis outside the door like it was. It was fucked up and it was people that were calling and it was just it was. Ship was bad, bro I got and so you was going like you couldn't take you couldn't taket ship.

You you man.

At one point I woke up and like, yo, man, I was like, I don't think I can hear. Like wait a minute, I'm like and and I was I was calling my family. I'm like, yo, man, this ship is this ship is mean, Like this is some mean ship. So I called my father that was a doctor, and he was like, hey, man, listen, you gotta let this ship run this course. I'm like, no, you gonna have to give me a better goddamn. And then he said, man, I can man stay hydrated, you know, with some bodiments

I think often about how much the shot was just meant to get us to the point where it could mutate at that rate, right that, like to your point, the original Strand had killed so many people so fast they already knew it. They were like, bro, this is about to take out like half the planet Loki. This is going to be nuts, and so all we can do is figure out a way to get enough people to get it survive it and it mutates into something manageable.

Versus what it originally was.

Was so when I was taking a test. But the level of weakness that you have, this is when I do. When I knew that I was, I was fucking dyang and ship this is I knew. I was laying like I ain't gonna bullshit it like day thirty. Day thirty was pout of the craziest day. I'm getting ready to go take a shower and I'm getting ready to take my clothes off and stuff, and my fucking heart just start being erratically like it was.

It was crazy. This is thirty days.

And then I'm on the floor grabbing my heart and I'm like, yo, this ship is crazy and my mind set, but you can't die with this outfit on. You got on a wife beater and one sock, and because you're getting ready, I' getting ready get in a shower. I'm like, I'm like, no, I can't die like this because if they come in the room and they find me, it's gonna be all type of bullshit. I'm saying, what type of gay ship I leave was on? Bet on one

Weird.

He's like, I'm giving a like, goddamn kung fu man, Like he had to shower, yea, as.

Was his belt. I might find his belt.

I took a shower. I took a shower, and my heart is still crazy. And I put on a ninety suit that I had in my I put on and I just laid in the bed like I wanted to be.

I was like, and I and I and I.

Closed my I closed my eyes. I said, man, this is I just want to be peaceful. I just closed my eyes.

That's so funny that this is the universal symbols for dying.

And you're like, yeah, but if you would have went like this, you know, like you know, something happened to that murder him.

He died. Weird. That sucks. Nobody lays down like that. Everybody.

But if you if you cast your ship, then you're good. He was, okay, that's school man.

He called this kid. I didn't even feel like you got to talk to him right there.

So I was like, just the man.

I wake up like nine hours later. Yeah, the lights of all and I'm like it's dark.

It was daytime.

Now it's dark in my room. I was like, I think I went the wrong direction. Oh sh man, this purgatory. Oh I'm finna go the head man.

I don't feel like purgatory. Is that dark?

Then my phone then my phone let Then my phone lit up. I was like, you know, cell phones and death okay, and I was like, oh ship, I'm I'm still here. Yeah, but my heart was like that ship was crazy. But now since then, I think I've had panic attacks before, like like one, maybe one a year, like maybe like eight nine years probably, But now this ship is very frequent, like this is COVID.

Yeah, like I was, but since COVID, man, that shit gets crazy.

But do you think that's just brought on by the trauma of being essentially like in the like on your deathbed for thirty two days, or do you think it's the COVID itself.

I think something's fucking happened to me, because this should have happened to me and I'll be happy, like it's not like I'm going through something.

I'm living my fucking life. When I was, I'm like, I can't breathe, hold it up.

It's not like I can't I cannot breathe at all, like wed and I had to talk to myself like, yo, if you can't fucking breathe, it's been like ten minutes. Nigga, what you think you're a fucking navy sea No, I'm definitely. I'm definitely dying. Yeah, we're gonna have to tell you I didn't been on the plane. It's like, yo, man, this ship is this ship is crazy. The lady come buy. Are you ready for your meal yet? Yes?

Got to be my last meal, my cat as I believe.

I believe I requested the rot.

Sometimes you gotta talk to you gotta talk to somebody bullshit oo man, like oh man, I am.

All the time, oh constantly.

Yeah, like when something happened, you're like, hey man, I'm gonna do this, don't do that ship and you gotta really get into your mind. Like it's like sometimes I be thinking my mind and who I am as two different mother people. I'm like, yo, let me talk to this nigga because right now he own some boys. Yeah.

No, you're you to stop doing when you have to talk to yourself like that, like you have to r you your own friend.

We went over this, hey bro, say man, come on come on real quick talking about because then you.

Hey, bro, what but ship you on?

This is actually the one thing that can hurt your life and you're doing it.

You know you're lying. Don't you going to.

Put a.

Brain and stands on bullshit? But Realf was like, Yo, man, you're on some bullshit now, Bro.

I don't. It's not like work. I'm here the whole time.

Yeah, it's just that's so funny.

Oh you lied to you are just you big dog. I'm then lie everybody.

Look I get while you lie sometimes this like, hey, man, you know, I know you're right. I've been in the whole time, bro, never never lie. So you know, you know when when I when I think about this, the first movie comes to my mind. When I saw them movie, I was like, God, damn it, this is it. Mister Brooks. You ever seen mister Brooks? Oh man, this is one of Kevin Costner's fucking best movies.

Statement.

No, I'm making that. I'm staying on that he's got real hits. This, mister Brooks is theough man. Kevin Conson has never been this good. Damn all right, I'm staying I.

Don't know the year.

I know, mister Brooks, mister or whatever, that ship came out as crazy. You know what I'm saying. But you you you look up that movie, bro argue you my personal number.

If you watch this movie and you don't think, Kevin, this is the coach movie been in, call me and tell me so.

Okay, I'm standing on that, mister Brooks.

Like when when I when I look at Eddie Murphy's movies, mister Church, best fucking movie.

I don't even know, mister Church.

Oh mis, all Adie Murphy's movies, all of them.

Mister Church. If your face saying what doing this goddamn movie?

You let me know, because man, because with Denzel best movie, John Q probably far.

What other mister movies?

You know, mister, I ain't seen none of the mister movies. Hit me wain tomorrow them spin offs. I'm trying to get into the mister cinematic universe.

Look up, mister Brooks. I'm taking them, both of them. Man, I'm telling you.

What you say for Denzel John Q.

John Q is an unbelievable film that they they downplay. They downplayed it, and John Q was a fucking months. That's a good movie. If you it's like I give you four. I give you four cry parts, and that give you four mothers.

Hit.

It's like it's fall for the two and ship like, yeah, you like.

Hit in a way where I would call it beforehand, be like, hey, bro, you're gonna cry.

Yeah, this is gonna make you cry.

It's drunk You the movie that's made you cry the most in your life? A man called Otto, that's the one that makes you. A man called Otto is goddamn? What's my man from Castaway? Tom Tom Hank's best movie, A man called.

You're pulling deep cuts on very famous actors. Yeah, well, John, he is not a deep cut though. I feel like, or is that not a famous movie?

I feel like it's like they these these movies.

Here are the movies that people They downplay these movies man, and these are like it's like, damn, they're down playing.

Life is a fucking classic comedy.

Life is maybe his best movie.

For me, Eddie, Eddie, it's my favorite.

I put Life up there.

It's like for me, it would be like after JOHNK for Eddie Murphy at the John Q.

Life.

No, anyway, Oh you're talking about mister Church, you said, mister Yeah, but that's still we're still in the top three.

Eddie.

That's cool.

Well, actually, Eddie Murphy. My favorite Eddie Murphy movie is The Nutty Professor. But I have to like with a caveat. I saw it that summer in Atlanta, and I never seen something like that happen in a movie theater before. Like I remember, I was like nine years old. We go to see, uh, The Nutty Professor. It was like like the idea of comedy can transcend.

I was about nine. I was about nine years old. It was the summer.

It was the summer that the Olympics were in Atlanta, and we went and saw with my uncle. We went and saw The Nutty Professor and like that's the scene around the table in my head, people were standing up, Like I never seen a movie.

That Like it changed my whole life.

You know why it wasn't for us because we had already seen him do it before, like on that level, because I was always on that level. But the first level, it's like he's doing something that which is incredible, but we've seen him do it before because of coming to America.

Yeah, that was character that he was, like, he was he was the he was a characters that this was the first time. Nailed it.

Nailed it the first time you've seen Eddie Gold fucking nuts in a scene with Jet with him in the scenes, man in that barbershop, it's so classic that he's going so closing back when if a man wants to be called you, he's doing a different rite. Yeah. Man, it's like it's too I kind. So when you see him doing a nutt professor, you expect him to do it.

Oh, I didn't.

I was because it was you in a different era.

No, but I had seen. I had seen.

I was nine.

I was an Eddie Murphy like, but.

You were nine. It Coming to America came out with in the Theater. You were not born.

By the time I saw a nutty Professor, I've probably seen Coming to America twelve times.

It scared me how much it made me laugh.

Nutty Professor.

Yeah, well, I was like, bro, I didn't know that this joy was in me.

Am I not accessing.

Something to America?

You didn't Coming to America's funnier than nutty Professor?

Koh, Yes, I think I think pound for pound as films, Coming to America is a funnier film. I think when you are nine absorbing that.

I ran a Nutty Professor back about a month ago.

It is so still.

But if you watch, if you watch Coming to America, eighty is going ballistic.

Yeah, because he is going running on so many plays in here.

Sexual chocolate is crazy.

You look at what line from Nutty Professor do you say or you hear people say on a random basis.

I hope the.

Women be shopping. That's not even Eddie Murphy.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, nobody says that it's too long. We said it in my house, man, I said, let's go outside of it. Yeah, sexual chocolate, it's going to be say it somewhere.

If I go a week without hearing it, I had a bad week.

If you have, you have sech a chocolate. And when somebody talking about names, he's going to talk about the man wanted to become that boy good boy, that boy good is to man, it's so much, it's so much. There's so many things that's repeated from this movie and just random life.

Yeah.

Over that's how I Judge thinks, like even with life, you have things.

Again.

Another moment where I was like, God, damn.

This is this is what I dreamt of all the Knights, of all the Nights.

Yeah, for me, I felt like they didn't fully know how to give everybody their moment.

Everybody had a moment though they had a moment, but Dela Reese had a moment.

When I think about a moment, Richard had a moment, Eddie had several moments.

It's like, who else did they need more? This film here? Hall of Knights was insane?

I just mean, I just mean that, Like when you watch Life, it's such a beautiful balance of like Martin being at his best and being at his best, they're both cooking.

You could watch that movie with.

Just on Martin.

Who else was in the Hall of Nice was at the best? Was old? That's the problem.

You want to be like.

Watch Oh like god, damn, I got taxi baby ship going.

I ain'tything about this guy.

Damn the glasses is red Fox being the funniest. I just wish we had him fully kicking.

Was cooking, it was swallowing, had a lot of classes in there.

For me, the second best part of Harlem Knights, next to Dela Reese, is our Senio. That's our senior. And when nuts went nuts in and when Nuts in hall Knights. Yeah, ship and coming to America.

When nuts is that is? And your friends.

You crazy.

That God damn. And we're gonna think into the get that and a lot of ship.

There's a lot of ship there, man, that that that and and this is coming to America. You can't and who is that? Just the man I've been in the restaurant.

You can't like this? Ship is crazy? That insane? Is he really had like crazy? God run and you think I think that's enough.

But none of that makes me life as hard as the grandma and Nutty. I gotta be the grandma Nutty professor. It's maybe the funniest thing I've ever Mike Douglas used to make me.

Boy, I see you like.

I'm messy, I'm masty.

Look, man, we need to take a break. This has been insane. We're gonna take a break when we come back. Brother little Squeeze went in.

This has been a long run, and I'd be irresponsible not to do something about it. We're gonna take a break. We're coming back more a My mama told me, look.

If you hate cops just because of cops, the next time you get in trouble, call a.

Crackhead, don't call me or Langston Kermy. We're back. We're back, We're back. Don't call me, don't call me.

I'm not.

I mean, I'm a phone call guy, though.

Yeah, I call you.

We talked.

Yeah, we talk somehow more than we talk here, which is crazy.

That is true.

Yeah, yeah, we talk every day.

We'll be on the phone.

I don't really, I'm not funny in text. I don't feel and I hate the tone of text message.

I disagree.

You make me laugh. Intext Oh yeah, inext. I just don't. I don't feel like I have all my tools available.

I get you. You got a signature voice.

I got like I don't. I just don't. I don't like texting. I don't like texting people.

I like.

That's fair if I if I, if I dislike you, I'll text you all day.

I guess damn claim Ali.

We want to close out this episode by doing a voicemail together our listeners send us voicemails.

This one's exciting. Can we do the Devil one? Please?

Well, now we're boy, do be the don You're I'm coming from New Orleans with this question net for y'all. Be's supportable because you got since the beginning, but on through other matters.

I don't know. He talks brou.

Special you were you weren't afraid that he could basically snap his fingers and destroy your reality because I'm pretty sure one of those rings was the reality stone with my brother. But no, the question I have for you guys is, and this is a this is a conspiracy theory. What if God made men and the devil made women? And I only asked that because women's ovaries are in the shape of a goat head, they behaved the back

Believe that because goat and women both taste delicious.

Two of my favorite stews prepared by Jamaicans.

Going by that, Yeah, I think I venture to say, and I apologize that this comes off mean.

Bro, You're just gay.

That was just your closeted homosexual person who who's struggling with with your relationship to women, women and women in general.

You you are rejected by a goat? Yeah, this goat pussy. You can't have goat pussy. Till you love yourself.

Also, the devil doesn't look like a goat to me. Okay, Baha, beet is not. That's I don't know what. I don't know how it became.

That was like Trump has no resemblance to a goat.

I'm saying, Bros. The most devilish people I know don't look like goats.

Like, I don't know.

I don't understand how Bappa became. I don't know a lot about demons, but I don't understand how that became the placeholder for the devil or whatever. To me, the devil looks like a handsome guy who can convince you to do ship right. That's like what the devil looks like.

Yeah, it used to be a dog. Devil used to be a dog.

Used to be the simple used to be a dog. They always use it in devil worshipman dogs.

Oh, that's interesting, Like, and that's why he's a dog catcher atomic dog.

We're back.

Hell yeah, yeah, I don't stop talking about my friend brother.

On the first on the first time, the dog. Okay, I think they're gonna make me say something. We haven't said anything bad. We've just named some traits. Big, big rule of George Clinton rude, like, hey, I was like, okay, they maybe they saw it on my hand.

I don't know. I really just joined the song.

This is this song, a great song. Blue out more black men knees.

He cling because as soon as they go out, we don't matter.

I owe you up. It is up. I don't. I don't believe that the devil made women. I'm a big fan.

I like women.

Yeah, I'm a big fan. Do you think you might have made man? I like him a lot.

Devil has He has no creative power. He has no creative power at all. I like him the most he was made. He just made himself.

Yeah, I think made man the devil. The devil got it out the mud dog.

I used to I used to have a bit like that. It was real sick in the beginning.

Now you're tripping Ali. This is a great man. Thank you for doing this.

Thank you, Yeah, thank you?

So upset about this atomic dog?

Sorry man, Like, hey, look, we'll voucher the parking lot. You ain't gotta pay for it, that's all I mean, or less discounted. Great you get to ride out of here on your big motorcycle all by yourself.

The devil looks like this big headed guy.

Right, it's a big head of hand man with okay, big head ass dude, you got a big head.

It's crazy. Why would your head be that big?

Hold the brain big enough to create a person?

I think it's smart. Come back.

It's tough because from this exactly, I'm like, yo, man, I would I would if I if I could create it, but I would create my head a little different than that, like ship in one spot.

Let you take the sea mountains.

Maybe I need maybe I'm not tyree, so I need to be I need to have a froll time. Am I concentrate on man, then I get to turn in white people.

God, damn ass head I got right now.

I can't wheel my thoughts and make my like this is a bb al head not even know it looks like.

I'm right, Thank you fellas. These tell the people where they can find you. What colch shit you got going on.

I'll least adep dot com all things you find me on YouTube, go on my own website, you know, grab some tickets to one of to a date and make sure if you're grabbing tickets for me, and go to my website or the venue that you're trying to go to do not go on the internet and get tricked by somebody called ticket.

Mister your self together another.

Great mister movie, but you got anothering crazy cool got jokes Titty seven on Instagram.

Come see us in New Orleans.

Yeah, we're gonna be in New Orleans.

March twenty second, twenty third.

I think it's twenty twenty. First, it don't matter New Orleans. Patreon slash my mama told me a sports drink.

Yeah, follow the Patreon.

Fuck with us on Patreon, y'all. Y'all been going crazy already, but we want more of you to join us on Patreon.

You can see me on tour. I'm still on the aspiring Deadbeat Tour.

You can get all my tickets at Langston Kerman dot com, and most importantly, send us your drops, your own conspiracy theories. Tell us why you think Yakoob's head looks like that at Mamama pod at gmail dot com. Give us a call at A four four Little Moms, we would love to hear from you. Most importantly, take care of yourself, by bitch.

And then she said in my ear and go deeper.

Stay with me now, and what hurt me is I was already all the way in. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Created and hosted by Langston KRK.

Co hosted by David Bordi, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique.

Co produced by Bee Wayne.

Edited and engineered by Justin Koffy, music by Nick Chambers.

Artwork by Dogon Kreega.

You can now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me on YouTube. Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel