The Chicken or The Egg or Something Else (with Marie Faustin)

know what the fuck is? There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove that Nipsey Hustle did not, unfortunately get into heaven because Jesus Christ is a Latin king. It's it's sad news. But you can't show up to happen with all that blue on Nipsey. That's not how Jesus Christ gang bangs. You should have picked a better gang, a different gang.

I'm not gonna say better. I'm not in any of these games. I'm an affiliated and hopefully Jesus just lets me walk by. Much like the gangbangers that I knew growing up, I just hope that Nigga just lets me walk on by and you don't bother me when it's time for me to make it up to the upper room. Hey, I'm your host, Lengthy Cournet. As always, I'm excited to be here. I'm having a pretty good day. I went outside today, which is a rare feat. I saw the son and I was like, bitch, where you been at?

But anyway, that's on me. I should have been seeing this soun more often. Maybe my skin wouldn't be so pale and sickly. Anyway, my yesterday. She has beautiful skin, not pale or sickly at all, unbelievable skin, and she's very funny on top of that. It's a it's a hell of a combination. She's hysterical. You know her from her own podcast, The Unofficial Expert that she runs with Sydney Washington podcast I love very deeply. You know her

from Comedy Central, but that's more importantly. She's a goddamned philanthropist and you all should know her from her work in philanthropy. What kind of philanthropy. She's been very vague about it. She won't tell me exactly what kind of philanthropy it is, but I bet it's pretty good and she's hilarious. Give it up for my guest. MS. Marie foul Stin, Thank you some achs. Thank you so much. Hold on, let me slide my Nobel Peace Prize out

of that. I like you just keep it within reach everyone. Yes, yes, yes, yes, I also have an egot there. I like that. You think that he got is one single prize? No, no, no, I said, they're all over there. I have, and he got. It's one trophy, real big. If I put the Nobel Peace Prize with all the it's a sou Yeah. Super super excited to be here sharing my you know, my wisdom with you today and I can't wait to hear

your wisdom. You came with a conspiracy theory that that I think we're gonna have to be careful with if I want to start us off right, I know we're gonna have to tiptoe a little bit in this motherfucker because you came with a hot one. You said, my Mama told me the chicken at Chinese restaurants isn't real. Yep, that's what she said. It's not. Okay, all right, okay, now tread carefully because this one, this is stuff. Let me just say, we're in the middle of Asian American

and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. So this is this is at at the very least problematic and and in a lot of ways it's rooted in objectively racist and horrible stereotypes and just backwards thinking. So I want you to to tread carefully, tiptoe through this. Motherfucker. I'm a crip walk around this one. No, that's not what Jesus wants for you. Well, I'm just doing like Nipsey is doing it where he said he's not in heaven. That was

actually really funny. The marathon continues downstairs. Oh man, this kid's gonna kill me. No, someday they're gonna grow up to murder me. Um yeah, I don't really hard time. I'm trying to figure out what I want to talk about. I mean, you know, I had agreed to do this like a month and like stop any time to think about Oh you mean that free podcast that wasn't at the front of your mind. Yeah, I get that. Yeah,

but I had literally nothing else to think about. I could have thought about this deeply, like I could have ordered an encyclopedia set and research, you know what I mean. I actually I called my mom yesterday and I was like, some crazy stuff, like you be saying, you know how you've been talking just in your opinions, Yeah, just disrespectful conspiracy theories. And she just started going And then I remembered the Chinese food one because my mom is like, really,

my mother is peak won't eat anybody else's food. She is queen of the we got food at home, right, She's like the inventor of who cooked that? Who made that? So she's who everybody is tweeting about at these uh metaphorical cook that's exactly about the food and the PoTA and whatnot. But my mom is an amazing cook. So like, she won't eat anybody else's food because she's like, well, I don't I don't know how to clean the chicken that doesn't look like they cooked it. Probably she won't.

She doesn't eat out at all. So when we were little, we were like, we get pizza and she'd be like, no, pizza at the house, and it was like, it's gonna be healthy and it's gonna be on bread. It isn't right, let's gonna have weird spices and it that that ain't dominoes. Yes, that's you. That's your ship that and she's from Haiti, so it's like like Haitian, it's on cassa have curry on it. I don't like this. That's just like is this deep froud? Like is this pork? What? He is? This?

So the thing that she always says, and she my mom is like a really good speaker, Like she tells stories and she's usually lying or making stuff up, but like she speaks so convincingly that you just have to believe her. I mean, do you listen, it's not my mother my We all have things that I think our friends find super endearing about our parents and we're like yeah, yeah, yeah, But I was there the whole time. This is endearing for me. I'm not actually enjoying this at all, But

go crazy. I'm glad you like my mom's lies, right, I'm like, well, wait till you get the chapter twenty nine. This is a twist. She said stuff. It's like living in in the arl Stein book. Right, It's like the one lie that I remember her saying that I believed for years is my sister has dimples, right, And I was like, I don't have dimples. Why why don't I have dimples? And my mom was like, well, when babies are young, you give them dimples by squeeze is really tight.

And I was like, that's how you get dimples. And I went to school and I just thought that and I wasn't. I was met like in sixth grade. I was way too old to still think this. And I love that because that also implies that your mother, for whatever reason, was like I'm gonna squeeze this one's face. I ain't squeezing that little one. No no, no, like I ain't gonna make this one special to no no, no no. Right. So I was like in school and I said it, and everybody was like the fuck. Like

everybody was like, oh, Marie's dumb, dumb. And then y'all know Marie's thought this whole time, We thought she was just talking. She don't. They're like the glasses are fake, y'all. She so she is filled with all kinds of nonsense.

It sounds like and one of the things that that is nonsense that she shared with you was the possibility that the chicken that Chinese food restaurants it isn't real, yes, because my mom is like, well, you know, Chinese people eat everything, right, She's like, they eat all types of meat. So she's like they eat horse and cat and rat and pig and five golden rings. Like she lifts all these things. And I was like, oh, and then, you know, I don't know if you know anything about the what'sapp

culture a little bit. My mother lives in Ghana now and so she moved out there to be with a man who she loves deeply. And Okay, so her and my little sister living Ghana, and so she is slowly becoming a WhatsApp lady in a way that throws me off every single time. But yeah, tell me more about the WhatsApp culture. Okay, So peak WhatsApp culture is like they send like recipes and those like glitterally like happy things giving means you know what I'm talking, it'll be

like happy Holidays and it's like it's like my Space background. Yeah, it's got a real friends survibe to it where it's like, yes, the technology has advanced beyond this, you could you could send some other ship. You could send a clear like

something clear. It's like they send like Bigfoot videos, like it's always like a grainy quality film, but like some there's like a video that was floating around of like some like Asian person like skinning something and there was like a stack of little bodies anyway, So yes, it was like it's there's a picture somewhere that my mom saw or somebody what's app to her and it was like little piles of mice or something skinned and that is my mom was like, see, I told you that's

what they're eating when you get Chinese food. And it's like, girl, I mean maybe, but but I don't know. Here's the thing is, And this is a conspiracy theory, a rumor that I think I've heard, we've all heard for for generations. And it's always so funny to me to think about those kinds of videos where they point to this one individual who's skinning a bunch of rats and stacking their

bodies on top of each other. It's like, how much of that is Chinese people and how much of that is just that one nigga who really likes how rat tastes, Like, why does that have to be all of them? Why can't that just be that one weird motherfucker who's out

here eating rats rat kebabs. Yes, but because of that, like I can't eat Chinese food as freely as my friends eat it, right, Like, so I can only order like I'll eat shrimp and I'll eat the chicken wings because those are shaped like what they're supposed to be. I'm not getting beef and broccoli. I'm not getting chicken

and broccoli because those are weird shapes. Yeah, and I I will say that while while this is and who we better tread fucking carefully, But while this is I think a conspiracy theory that has many elements of like

racist backwards thinking ingrained in it. There are little things that happen where you're like, damn, maybe these racist motherfuckers are right right, But like, my mother is very particular about chicken in general, Like she refuses to buy chicken breast from the supermarket because she grew up on a farm, she had chickens, she had goats, blah blah blah blah. But we'll be at the supermarket and she'll be like, I've never seen a chicken with breast that big. That's

not chicken. You think when you think about how small a chicken is, the breast me real juicy. Sometimes hey and listened, and there's enough scientific evidence. I don't know if you've ever seen like supersized Me, which obviously comes with a little bit of uh it's it's problematic in its own form. But one of the things that they talk about in Supersize Me is the type of hormones that they inject into the fucking McDonald's chickens so that they the titties are so big they can't even move.

They're just like alive for a moment. They cut the titties off and then it's done, and it's like, ah, fuck, your mom's right, those titties aren't natural. But at the same time, maybe it's still chicken. It's just juice step chicken. Have you ever seen the video of the chicken that was coming It was like from a couple of years ago.

It's like a big gass chicken coming out of a coop and it looks like foghorn Leghorn, like like he comes out and it's bigger than the house, and it's like it's got like decks and albs, and it's like, what muscles, it looks like it's wearing like snow pants and a full like bubble jacket. Yes, like that's that's not a normal chicken. No, it looked like it just

got off a ski lift. It's huge. Those those videos always bug me because there's always somebody who comes in after words and it's like, well, that's actually the uh, the doctor mccoka and chicken, and you wouldn't recognize it from its big thick feathers, And it's like, bitch, if that's been around this whole time, then you need to let me know from the beginning, why are we Why do we keep talking about these same six pokemon. I'm trying to see, I'm trying to catch them, all right percent.

But I'm saying that, and I still eat meat. I'm still gonna keep eating it, but I'm not eating that hopefully because only by like the tiny like baby wings. And that's when I'm cooking at my house. But I don't know. The stuff that we eat is sometimes it's kind of crazy, you know it is. And so so with that, you you do hold a little bit of fear from the stuff that your mother has said to you about chicken and about these things from these restaurants.

I'm curious to know how much your mother is afraid of other ethnic foods, Like is it just Chinese or is she like, you know, the fish at Japanese restaurant, you know that's radiated, that would make it clitter is long? If that makes you clit long? Exactly you sound? Have you? Did you speak to my mother today? We had a phone call ahead of time because the little research on may in other things that my mother doesn't eat and would not buy for us. Ice cream from the ice

cream truck. WHOA, because she was like, they don't have a bathroom on that truck. They pee in buckets on that track, and then they don't wash their hands, and they give you that SpongeBob ice cream with them pepe hands and oh ship, fuck waiter guy, Hold on, what the fuck? I that's never occurred to me. Where are

they peeing and pooping on the truck? You're on that truck for for eight to ten hours a day, rolling through neighborhoods, if not thing else, interacting with the grubby little fingers of small children, and you know we don't see any wash stations back there. This is devastating. My Mom's like, you see, that's why they don't have the windows back there, so like a poop on the trip and I'm like, what, I just want to get a cone. I got cones at the house, so I'll make your

ice cream. Baby, don't even trip about that. I'm churning the cream right now. But we always had you know the plus if that is, we always had ice cream sandwiches at the house. But it was like, it's not the same. I want to eat the truck ice cream. Yeah, there's nothing like a hard earned ice cream from a potential pedophile that makes you feel, you know what I mean, like this man might snatch you. And that's kind of nice.

When you get the ice cream and you make it home and there's music playing, and you're like, but she's not buying that. She's never had sushi. She will never have sushi. Sure, but I will say every year minus this is when that just passed. But every New Year's Eve we would go. We would take my mom to habbachi and is the only thing that she would eat because they cooked the food in front of you, and she likes the little volcano. So you know, okay, she's

an onion volcano kind of girl. She ain't here for ice cream off of trucks, but she's down. She said, I'm watching to make the rice. She will not drink miso soup though. She's like, this is hand wash water. This is dirty hand wash water. So I guess this is all very fascinating and groundbreaking stuff. And I guess what comes to mind is why isn't she bothered by

the potential? Like there's no proof that that's chicken at the habbachi right, like it comes damn near pre what they served it to you, as they just chop it up real fine. So she not she's not getting the chicken, she's getting the shrimp because the shrimp is still shrimp shape anything that is shaped like the thing that she ordered exactly exactly. And even then, like she's watching us eat our stuff and she's making faces and the dude

is clocked in looking at her face. She's at his job, like no, and then you know, they go around and they like like spray the saki in everybody's mouth. She likes that. She's good at that. It's actually scary how good at that she is. So she's here for the turn up. She just say she ain't working around with rare meats, new new, and nothing exotical. No exotic meats at my mom's house, I mean at the restaurants. But I mean it's funny and it makes me kind of

how I am right now. But like, I feel like I have been cooking really well during the pandemic, and then it got to the point that I was like, no, I'm not watching another four that's fair. I'm not washing another pan. I'm done cooking. And sometimes I'll just sit here and be hungry for as like, well, I can't eat out because those foreign meats might supposed to be but I'm not cooking for myself. So yeah, But honestly,

this is like peek. This is the most in my life that I've ever eating out, like ordered food out and me and the delivery, Hey, how you doing? Come down? But I just I'm at that point now where it's like I'm gonna eat the fake meat, I'm gonna eat the dirty hand washed water. I'm just gonna eat. It's all I've I've always maintained that feeling, and I don't know if it's good or bad, And I've expressed this a few times, but my taste buds are are broken, right,

Like they don't work very well. I've I've had multiple runnings where like people have been like, this is poison, and I'm like, I don't know. It tastes fine to me. Is this because you're Is this because you're half way? I reckon that that blaze is part I don't. I don't know for sure. My dad similarly, does not seem to have a very discerning palette, and that way like maybe I just got his goofy ass mouth or maybe it's the white devil's mouth and I got to unpack

that someday, okay, through this work. But I will say that I've always taken solace in not knowing what the ship is, because if I know too much, then I'm unhappy. Right, if I just make peace with the fact that it could be chicken, it could be a pile of recks, and either way, this motherfucker tastes good with orange on it, and it's like, okay, yeah, I'll be okay, it's good. Well, can we talk about like what a McK nugget is? Like, is that is where is all this chicken coming from?

Because it's like like, what is a nicknugget? And what is Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because they can't call it that no more. It's just KFC. Yeah, they don't that they can't call it. I think they can't call it Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore. Oh the chicken is Wait, which part of that that? Let's unpack this because which part of that k F and C is the problem? Is it the K? Because if that's the problem, then that's fine, they're not making it in Kentucky. But if it's the C,

then we've got a bigger issue. I think it might be the C, but I've actually never thought maybe it's the K. Maybe they can't call it Kentucky. May get in Boston, like you got this in Albany. This is Kentucky Fried Chicken from Albuquerque's Albuquerque Fried Chicken. Wow. Yeah. I think maybe there's something a little easier in just

saying I don't know, and I'm at peace. But to your mother's point, she's gonna live her life, maybe longer and healthier, because she's like, I don't know, and I'm not at peace, and I refuse to settle for any unverified meats exactly, and my mother's skin looks great, and she just puts vasselin on it. She don't use no serums, no hyaluronic acid. She's putting put proleum jelly on her

face too, and her face still looks good. And it's like, well, sis, I'm gonna use these serums, but alto eating, you know, I eat stuff that she would never ever even put in her mouth. Yeah, your mother is greasing up like she's going to have a fist fight. And somehow she's thriving me while the rest of us are fucking growing boils out of our skin because we won't leave these meats alone. And we're all depressed, and my mother is happy.

She's a beast, especially if there was an onion volcano nearby. It sounds like she's a hundred percent at feasting her best life. She's oh okay, it's like, all right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with Mormari files More. My mama told me the are that how is my man supposed to schmeat his meat with this ship? Bro? What the fuck? Yeah, we're back here with mar Marie Foston. More.

My mama told me, we're still talking about the unaccredited meats that are possibly served at certain Chinese restaurants, and whether or not that is in fact that the threat that Marie's mother has told her it is all these years. I'm curious to know if she knows specifically what the meat is. If it's not chicken, what is it? Oh? On the phone with me yesterday, she listed literally every single animal on all McDonald's farm except chicken. And I

was like, how do you don't even have any Asian friends? Right? It's not like you like went to someone's house and they served you and you like saw the door swing open and you caught them like killing a snake. You just you're pulling this out your booty, right, this is just coming from a place of speculation. You you haven't talked to an Asian person, You're not you're not checking in on any of your Chinese restaurant owners. This is

you're just making it up. But then she speaks in a way that you're like, well, what is General SOS? But what is what is that? Who is that? That's the question. That's an important question, And I don't think anybody truly knows. It was just I think General SO was just a dude that white people made up to be able to make chicken more palatable for everybody back

here in America. But who knows. I'm glad that your mother talked a little bit about all these alternative meat substitutes, because when I went going into the research and started looking for some of these substitutes, one of the first things that pops up is like all these people on Cora and Reddit, all these awful places for doing any sort of sincere research, basically claiming that the chicken and beef at Chinese restaurants was everything from frog to jellyfish.

Like they went down the list of as you put it, old McDonald's farm and then included things like jellyfish and snake and all these crazy fucking things that that jellyfish jellyfish would be like chewy and slimy. Though, Yeah, it's hard to make sense of what exactly they think. Which part of the jellyfish is this? You know what I mean? If we're worried about the McNugget, I at least can make sense of where McNugget might come from in the chicken.

There's no part of a jellyfish that's gonna make it into a fucking you know, pat tie. Okay, So they kill the jellyfish, then they freeze the jellyfish, and they slice the frozen jellyfish, then they roll it in flour fry it, and then that's the that's a rip tip. That's a rip tip right there. And the bone he ain't no telling, it's a tentacle. Right. The crazy part to me of a lot of this is is that even to to what your mother is suggesting it, the

chicken is available everywhere, right. Chicken. We're constantly seeing them on farms. Cows were constantly seeing them. We're literally being told that cows are part of the reason this earth is dying is because we won't stop mass producing cows and they're farting and then it's fucking up our atmosphere. Right. And the presumption that like these Chinese people are so fucking sneaky that they somehow have boxes and and crates of jellyfish instead of this easily accessible animal is a

little short sided. I'll say that that that part, Langston. It's like, I mean, I've also never seen a Chinese food restaurant that had like a delivery truck in front of it dropping off crates of stuff so that. But yeah, I feel like it's easier to find a bunch of chickens than it is to find a bunch of snakes. Yeah. But like even with that, I know, I know a nigger who will sell me one snake. I don't know a mother who's gonna sell me a hundred and twelve,

you know what I mean. Like, that's how much you need to be able to make the meal that you're supposing is being made out of this ship. So it's it's a little hard to believe. Yeah, I don't know where the wholesale snake shop is. They're having a snake clearance sale. It's just a big old pile of snakes. You can you just sift through it. Like the it's like every everything must go. It's like a wacky waving inflatable arm dudeles leg but as snake shaped. Uh why

does he have arms? I don't know. We got real confused in the promotion. The point is by some of these snakes, Yeah, going out of business. Everything must go. So do you eat out a lot? I do? I eat out a ships on largely in that Um, I am not a great cook, and uh I'm capable and I should do it more often. But I'm also, uh, I got a prisoner in my wife, and so I'm gonna make her cook as often as I can. I do the cleaning, so I make up for it on the back of Okay, so you ain't got no dishwashers

what you're saying, Oh no, I'm the dishwasher. I'm the dishwasher, and uh that's where the party is, you know what I mean. I don't think I ever feel, even when I'm eating out though, any concern that like I'm being bamboozled by the meat that I'm served. I don't know. I was eating out with a friend like maybe like six or seven years ago. It wasn't my friend, it's my ex boyfriend. Here's my boyfriend at the time, so nobody. So we got food and he was eating. He was like,

the texture is wrong. Like he was like, this is not chicken. And I was I was like, well, that's why I got the wings. See mine shaped like chicken. Stuff shaped like chicken. So I mean, if it's if this is not chicken, then my you know, my props to the to the artist because they got the shape perfect. But he was like, the texture is wrong, he starts

spitting it out. I was like, oh, that's terrible. I said, you can't have that to my food, But you could have this little broccoli, right, you know that broccoli that they just put in because I guess it looks better. You get that, but you can't. Yeah, yeah, a little it's green. So that's it's broccoli that counts as divided

for the week. So one of the things that that I discovered in unpacking a lot of this research is that a lot of it is rooted in this sort of racist theory that Chinese people are serving up dogs and cats, right, like that's the go to thing, and specifically dog. I think it's like the go to one that a lot of people speculate that Chinese people serve. And it turns out that it's not completely disconnected from a a type of Chinese history, right that all the

way back to UH seventeen hundred BC. They can actually trace a history of Chinese people eating dog that like all the way back in ancient China. These motherfucker's used to eat dogs because apparently, in ancient China, dogs and dog meat were considered important offerings to ancestors and sacrificial foods to God's any specific breed dog just they need

to dog. My guess is that back in sevent BC, there were like four dogs, you know what I mean, Like how there's there's all these weird ones now a lossy pool and a pug and like all this ship's back then there were four dogs. It was like a golden shepherd or golden retriever and a black lab and you got to pick. I'll take golden and I'll take black, and you ate that ship. It was a white dog, a black dog, a brown dog, and then a great dog like oh that wasn't a great dog in the night,

and y'all would y'all have some gray? If I ordered some gray, I'm a great great dog for the table. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Don't let me eat a dog. I got to fit into my prom dress. So sorry for being problematic. Sorry, don't cancel me. No, this is fine. They had brown back then. Uh And even turn turns out that the Chinese character for to offer contains the character of dog, right like, it's the same symbol sort of cooked into the character that it means to offer.

That said, this practice died out a long time ago, right like over the years, people basically, like everything started to build up a morality about dogs and the treatment of dogs, and it wasn't It's basically around like the tenth century and the popularization of Buddhism that people started to look at killing dogs it's bad karma. They basically went like, oh, these dogs are are cool at fuck.

I don't think we should be killing them anymore. That's bad. Look, but I kicked this dog and he's still my friend. I like this, nigga, Yes more, yeah, be done with the gray ones and black ones will kill them. And then they're like, oh, it turns out those dogs are wolves. Cool?

How so this keeps going right, And then during the the Cultural Revolution in China, this dude MoU Zy Dog basically banned raising dogs for like pets, as like a bourgeois pastime, and during the Great Famine that followed, peasants basically would eat there the dog meat just like any other animal that could lay their hands on. Because it's the Great Famine. We're hungry as fuck. Dogs are around and we for at least a time, we're raising them as our pets, but now we ain't got no food.

So shiit scruffy looking, really scrump shits right now, that is so wild. But like when you think about the meat that we do eat, it's like like it could have been anything, right, we've decided pork not everybody, but like pork, beef and chicken are like acceptable. But it's like chickens could have Like they just I don't know, they rolled a bad hand because they could have been pets too. Yeah, chickens pr people just weren't on it the way that they were supposed to be, And now

we're going fucking crazy for chicken. Everybody can make peace with the eating your chicken, but these dogs thing doing that much, literally no, and sometimes they pee in your house and and cats scratch up your couch. But like cats are like, for whatever reason, cats have always been I think, pretty high up on the totem pole of pets, like from like ancient Egypt times. Like, yeah, they're mean

and people don't want to eat them. Everybody recognizes that cats potentially could murder them, and so they're like respect respect to you and your work. I recognize that you're at least intelligent enough to know that I deserve to die. I'll leave you alone. Whereas dog, it's like it's a loyal slave, so yeah, I might eat my slave eventually.

So this keeps going right, And so it sounds like that after a while, we uh, you know, people, the famine ends, people become normal again and they start treating dogs again like regular sort of pets. And it sounds like, because of this history with dogs and dog meat that it's not until the nineties that they really begin to seeing a resurgence of dogs as pets in big cities. That for yeah, that for a while they just kind of like leave dogs alone. They're like, yeah, we had

a bad history. We ate the motherfuckers, so we can't like be hanging out with them afterwards. And then it isn't until like very very late that like Chinese people re established dogs. It's like a household pet that is wild. Mm hmmm, I'm learning a lot. This is crazy, and you keep in mind, I go to like four websites, so I could be wrong, and I have a feeling We're gonna get some hate mail from this one, but

I'm excited to read what people have to say. The part that I think gets the most attention, and this is where all of like the dog eating of China really comes from is that they're still to this day a festival in this place called you Land, uh. And the festival is called the Leechy Dog and Meat Festival, where the people of that city in Youland do, in fact eat dog as a as an holdmage to their ancestors. Now are they eating dog? And they eating hot dogs?

Because I've seen the hot dog eating contest and there's always like a real loule Asian dude that shoving like dogs in his face, and I will say equally disgusting. I don't think the little motherfucker stuff in ninety eight dogs is gross to me. Big old what's his name, Joe the Nathan's Hot Dog Champion, That big white motherfucker he's it's like yeah, yeah, they like dip the bread in water and they're just like, yeah, nasty bitch, what

are you doing that for? It? You him? Like whatever his name is, Joe Saxophone, I can't remember his goddamn name, but he's a nasty bitch and I don't care for him. But that said, it's this one festival in this one city, in one of the most populated countries on this planet Earth that does the thing. And it's so sort of like um polarizing that even the city, like the spokespeople are like, yeah, we ain't got nothing to do with that. That's just like a few wild people in our in

our city. We don't in Chinese people basically say we don't want this to be a reflection of our entire identity, and instead people do it anyway, and it just sort of speaks to how absurd it is that we're using this one instance to be a reflection of everything that happens in an entire place that is wild. And my mother doesn't know any of those things, but she in the back of her mind she does. Maybe she maybe that's where she went all her honeymoon, and she was like,

this is I'm never eating Chinese food again. I don't I don't want to number three or a number two. I don't want I don't want the dumplings. I don't want none of this sheet. I will say. I will say, having been to China, I did eat the weirdest stuff that I've ever eaten in that place. But none of it was a surprise. They weren't tricking me into the ship like that's like I ate starfish. That was fucking gross. I scorpion. I ate, uh, I duck eggs. That's the

worst thing. I ate his duck eggs. Was it like scrambled? Was it over easy? I ate a boiled duck egg. You know, I with photos there's the negative, like the old like you get the sheet of the negatives. That's the duck egg looks like to a chicken egg. It's like black or right on the outside where the yell you know, where the white would be in the yolk. It's like a different color as well. Are you sure you had Maybe it was a bad duck egg. That's very possible. I was not checking all the duck eggs

to know which ones were good or bad. A mother just handed me and was like, duck egg. I was like, yeah, hell yeah yeah, And he's like and then he watched you just you're like that was that was nice? I love your culture. It was just a rich history here that I can't get enough up. What else did you eat? Did you have frog legs? Those are all pretty wild though.

I think the wildest thing was I had this wine that was made with turtle and uh, snake fermenting in the bottom, like much in the way that tequila has like a worm sitting on the bottom. This had a big gass turtle with no shell and a snake at the bottom of the wine. And I was there with my and they have been getting on my nerves. So I was like, give me some of that wine, dog, and I had it and then my teeth went numb, and I was like, no more, please, enough snake juice

for me, sir. Wait, wait, hold on. First of all, how do you even recognize a turtle if it's not wearing a show? Because oh, you know, I feel like if I saw a turtle without a shell in liquid, I would think that it was I don't know, a teddy bear with alpa, Like, I don't know, how did you a turtle? I'd be like, well, lizard is that? Yeah, I don't know. If you see it, and you're like, either that lizard got wings, so that's a mother fucking turtle.

It's got that long that long middle or that wide middle, and you're like, that's a mothering turtle. Uh? Oh is a turtle? The shape of the shell, Yeah, it turns out there not inside the shell as much as they are attached. The shell is a part of their their body. It's just protected their inside They're not like snails that abandoned the shell later. They that's permanent. I thought it was a jacket, but you're saying that it's that's his skin.

Got it, gotta got it, got it, got it. So I started to try to unpack exactly what the meat in Chinese food restaurants is, right. I wanted to make sure that that while we can confirm that there's a fair amount of racism that comes in and claiming these unverified meats are the meat, we should know exactly what makes this meat so different when we eat it. And

it turns out that there are a few arguments. But one of the things that people said is that Chinese people commonly use chicken thighs instead of other parts of the chicken. So it's not breast, it's not wing, it's chicken thigh because that meat is easier to tenderize, easier to marinate, and also cheaper and juicy. It stays juicy for longer than any of the other meat. And then there's this other thing that I read that was a little more jarring, but also still about chicken. They basically

said that that Chinese people aren't serving fake chicken. They actually use tougher cuts and slice them super thin, and then they marinate them overnight in this solution called sodium by carbonate, and then that allows them, after washing it away, allows for that tent, that super tough meat to become almost more rubbery and bouncy in the way that the meat sometimes taste when you're eating it at the restaurants.

And so it basically is this way of getting the cheap meat and turning it into sellable meat through this overnight soaking process. They ain't eating uh fucking turtles. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So I'm not offering you healing. I'm just offering you more of a clear understanding of why you

shouldn't be eating out any time. One of the things that I discovered though, is, and what really is more of a question that I found myself asking with all of this, is how different is this from so many of the other situations we see in other restaurants in relation to them selling us bullshit? Right? Like, I don't know if you remember when McDonald's had to make that big announcement that they would no longer be putting pink slime in their food that just for years, So what

was the pink slime. I think it was just like a blended mush of organs and bullshit that they like, we're adding to meat to make it fuller and less. You know, you want to. If you say you got a quarter pound patty, they can afford to give you a fucking quarter pound of beef. That's expensive, but not for no two, no, not for no exactly. So they give you a little drop of meat and they get

you a whole lot of slime. You get, you getting beak, club greens, tomatoes you're getting, You get some lips, you get some asshole you're getting, You're getting eyelash. That's nasty. Do you know Olivia is saying? Pink slime is a meat byproduct used as a food additive to ground beef and beef based processed meats as a filler or to reduce overall fat content of ground beef in the production process heat. It's basically to fill out the meat. New Do you remember a couple of years ago somebody got

a McDonald's meal. It was like fries, burger, some nuggets and something else, and they had the food sitting out for a year and took a picture of it every single day for a year. Bread never got moldy that like the meat, the fries stayed fried shape, and it was like, well, what is all that stuff? Sure bread is a post to get mold on it, dude, the bread is not even real bread. Maybe the bread got

pink sliming is oh my god. And I would say, there's one part of you that could be like, this is horrible, what a terrible thing that they're feeding us and putting in our bodies. And there's another part of me that argues that means they're the greatest restaurant in the history of the world because they keep serving us this ship and I can't tell the difference. I think it's delightful, So what the funny. I'm not gonna be unhappy about it. Much to my earlier point. You served

it to me and I enjoyed it. I don't need to know what's in it. We love to see Langston smile bot he's eating it. Somebody will eat it. That's the new catch phrase. Not I said the cat, I'm not. I mean. I also don't eat fast food really at all. So there's that that that's fair, I think, and you have every right and it's probably the more responsible choice like there was years ago they burger King got in trouble.

I think it was in the UK for selling horse meat instead of fucking burger meat or you know, cow meat. But again, it's not like somebody bit into the motherfucker and new, hey, this is what the fun this is horse? Hey, hey, hey jack, this is horse. It's like this is come to this burger King every day for lunch, just like

exactly I've never had. And honestly, it was probably a disgruntled worker who was like they fired him on a bad day and then he was like, all right, I'm gonna tell these motherfucker's you cooking horseback here like Bergking's like, damn you blowing up our spot like that. All right, fine you could stay, you can have Saturday off, but okay, come back, you could have it off. This hill man don't know telling our secret. Then there's other examples like uh, and this is more of a room or than a

fact that this falls far closer to conspiracy theory. But my friend, uh, a dear friend, you know him, Ryan Donahue once told me the story that like calamari in UH restaurants and specifically like bad restaurants, it's not in fact calamari, but it's in fact cow ees that like they'll like chop up the little booty hole of a cow and served that as calamari. And again, how the funk would you know the difference? Wait? Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, hold on, hold on,

hold on. This affects me personally, calamari Calamari is just cows. But I don't know. I don't know. I'm not saying it is. I'm saying that this is a theory that's floating around the world, and maybe it's better if we don't know, if we never find out that it's cowing. Well, okay, what counts as a cheap restaurant, because like, how much money should I not be spending on calamari are don't look,

don't get it at Benigans. If you were going to Benigans, if that was where you were, like this is my night out on the town, I would say, don't get the calamari there. I don't know where Benigans is, but like that the Fridays like, oh yeah, it's the same quality it Benigans, I think is a defunct restaurant. It's t g I Friday's Rising. If you will oh oh, okay, I was gonna say Roy Rogers, but okay, yeah, t

G Fridays at the end of the day. Part of what what I I sort of found myself asking is how do any of us truly know that what we're eating? If they tell us we're eating swordfish, how can we prove that it is in fact swordfish? Right, it's all. It's all Telapia. I love that. There you go and so and so. You have two alternatives in this scenario.

You either follow what I'm doing and you continue to eat whatever they offer you and you make peace with that, or you follow Marie and her mother's uh process and you decide to stay at home and never eat out again, and that's probably healthier and you'll live longer. But or you won't because you're staying home and you're not cooking, and you're sitting in your purple living room. You are famished, sure and more. We'll never know what calain is tastes like.

And you got to try some of this coloan. Is it tastes delicious with lemon? Yeah? I mean you gotta bread it just right, and then you just you know, I'm thinking about it. I think it's cowan. I don't think I've ever had called Marie got down. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this. We'll take a break, we'll process. We'll be back with more, my mama told me. And we are back. Hello, how are you? I'm under the water. Please help me. Yeah, we're back here more,

my mama told me more Marief Foust. And we're still talking about the surprises of the food that we eat and the possibility that none of it is real and we should just make peace with that. Mm hmm. I mean, I can't believe we've gotten this far into the episode and haven't even mentioned Taco bells me about Taco Bell because my mom my mama told me that Taco Bell meat is Chihuahua because the dogs in the commercials. And she was like, that's what yo, kila, Taco Bell means.

It means he's gonna be Taco Bell. And and she's like, you see, they don't even use the dog no more because he did. So it's like, girl, I mean, Taco Bell very well could be that. But it's like the tacos are like twenty two cents and you can get a bag of them and you put the hot sauce on them, and it's like, this is not good, and what's the White Castle? How do we get all the way to this point? I talk about White Castle? Me listen.

Part of the reason I probably didn't bring them up is because they're all cherished restaurants in my heart, and so I was like, I don't I'm not even gonna mention this ship unless she does, because I ain't gonna listen. I'm not gonna yuck my own yum. You know what I mean? I heard you had um white Castle sliders that your wedding. That's what That's what the say. I

wish if there was a white Castle available. Oh, I would have served white Castle and we would all ship ourselves right on the days floor, just white Castle and Molly cooking up in our stomachs and making a ship in the middle of the dance floor. That's a nasty all right. Let's play a game. I want to play a game, and this is a fun game called wick Therapy.

Wig Therapy. That's the game. You, Marie, are known for your your hilarious characters on on the internet, on i G. The YouTube's and whatnot, where you put on your wigs and you tell these beautiful narratives of the the wigs and the history behind them, all the shenaniganst these wigs get up to. What I would love for you to do,

is uh. I'm gonna introduce to you a few celebrities who might need a little therapy, a little wig therapy, and I would love for you to unpack what you kind of wig you think these celebrities need to sort of revitalize their career or find themselves in a better situation at home. Okay, okay, here we go. Let's start easy.

Bruce Willis got in trouble because he was showing up to the pharmacy without wearing a mask, and they were They basically had to ask Bruce Willis to leave the pharmacy because he would not put on a mask in the middle of the pandemic. What wig might you suggest for Bruce Willis to to improve his situation? Damn die Hard wasn't wearing a mask. Yeah, he's super Republican. Oh I did not know that, But so as I'm saying it, I feel like I did. I'm like I did not.

I knew that in your heart, you in my heart, I knew that what kind of wig? Does Bruce Willis need to revamp his image or fits what he did. Either one whatever feels good to you. In my mind, it is a Cruella de Ville moment. It's like a white wig. It's kind of flipped out a little bit on the ends because that feels evil to me. A wig like you know what I mean, a little feathering, feathering. The opposite of the Rachel wig for Bruce willis definitely a wig that has Dalmatians and a wig that doesn't

stop for pedestrians. It like leans on the horn when the pedestrians um. A wig that um pushes by old people in the supermarket because they want to get the last I don't know, it's a mean it's a mean white wig. I love that. I love Cruella Deville. But for fish sticks is the energy that Bruce Willis is getting off, and I think that's perfect. Let's try another one. And this is actually very uh, very on brand for

what we've been discussing all day. Azalia Banks. I don't know if you heard about Azalia Banks, but she got in troubled because she apparently cooked her cat. What cooked she dug up the dead bones of her cat. Uh, and then cook them in a pot and then now has the skull and bones of that cat or on a shrine in her home. We gotta pray for Azelia. What. No, I'm just a reporter at this point. I don't know. I can't make sense of it. But she she's cooking cat.

Now she's cooking at now? Okay. In my mind, it's like a Dennis the Menace wig or a three Stooges wig. Just like a wig that looks like the toothish, you know what I mean, like bowl cut it. Yes, it's got a hard part in it. What is wrong with girl? I talked to a few people about it. There are some who are speculating this is some sort of like uh, Santa Ria type work that she's doing. But then she also put it on the internet, which makes it not that. I don't know. I think she's unwell and we just

Santaia is like, isn't that Puerto Rican? Likely? Like she's from Harlem. She's not Puerto Rican, she's from Harlem. Um. I actually don't know where the family is from. But I don't think boiling bones in her mom's good pot is something that anybody's black mama would let them do so, Yeah, she's And why would you post something like that, like where did she dig these bones up from? In a time capsule? That's the weird part, is like, bitch, why are you still burying your cat in the backyard like

your eight? Cut it out? Go take your cat to the pest people like everybody else and let them deal with the way bones are meant to be dealt with. Yeah, I'm gonna look at the bones. They're gonna it's gonna be raccoon bones. I'm gonna be like, that's actually not a cat at all. It's another thing that went in the ground after the cat died. And I would love

that if you just expose her. This is just all turned into a Jessie Smellette level like live but it's still a lady cooking bones that we ignore that and we're just like that ain't cat, that's raccoon. This bitch is a liar. Yeah, all right, let's try another person. This is uh, this is a maybe the greatest of of sort of canceled to celebrities. Kanye Kanye you know you uh is said to have taken a lover and

Jeffrey Starr and Uh, he's no longer with Kim. What would you suggest for Oh Kanye right about now is a week. I'm gonna suggest a Denarest Targarion week. I wanted to be blond, flowy, I want four braids, going bad, clasped low. I just I feel like, uh, she she was the worst part of the finale of Game of Thrones, and that I feel like Kanye is in the worst part of the finale of his life right now. It all feels bad. It feels so. Has this been confirmed? Is it? I don't. I don't think so. I think

uh TikTok made up some conspiracies. And then Jeffrey Starr is a messy enough person that he was like, yeah, yeah, I'll play along. I'm saying this ain't nothing but Chris Jenner. Chris Jenner is the devil, and the devil is always working, and I think she needed to distract from the families, so they were like, let's just put it all on Kanye, and who do we know Jeffrey Star Yes, yes, yes, him,

yeah exactly. The rumor made me laugh. I appreciate. And that's the thing that I I do think Chris Jenner is the devil. I think that she's a spawn of Satan. It's unquestionable. But I don't think she gets enough credit for how funny she is. Like that bits to be right and she writes story. Yeah, she writes a story like no one else, And sometimes we need to give her a little bit of credit where credit is due. Sometimes she writes some funny as shit. H all right,

last one and this is a fun one. Mr Bean. Mr Bean was recently canceled because he went on the internet and basically said that cancel culture is problematic and it's it's poorly affecting many of his peers and confidence in his life. You know how upset you gotta make Mr Bean to make him speak, You know how upset mean for him to be like, let me, let me have to say something. Let me this. Mr Bean was on for like nineteen seasons and he said twelve words.

I truly could not tell you what his voice sounds like. Even right now. It sounds like I was hoping he was gonna talk, and he was like, hey, y'all, niggas exacting enough. No, you have heard Mr Bean's voice. He was Zazu in The Lion King. Really does happen to the original Lion King movie. She's the bird let Mr Bean, Mr Elizabeth Bean. What wig would you suggest for Zazo

for for Elizabeth Bean? Um, I think for Mr Bean, I'm giving him the shmar More wig, the braided back wig, the Tyler Perry but doo wig is Mr Bean because that is some gangster type stuff to not speak for your entire career. And then your friends are having a bad day because they're problematic, and you're like, let me speak on this. I know a lot of people are talking right now, but I think what we really need to hear is bean, let me hit you with some bean.

And he's just like, let me say something real quick and has beads. He's the straight back corn rools with beads at the bottom of the wig that I see for Mr Elizabeth Bean. Yes, that's beautiful and and we did it, Marie, you you nailed it. I think that this is great advice. I'm gonna send all this along to each of them and hope that they hope they take your advice. Could you tell the people at home where they could find you what cool ship you have

going on? I mean, you can usually find me right here on this couch, but you can't find me on Instagram. My instagram is Reezy Are Easy? Why you can find me on my podcast The Unofficial Expert, where there you know, every single week, it's like, can we take some weeks off? They want you to talk every week about what's happening in the culture and how you feel. So there and then you can find me, you know, at my local trader.

Joe's just like trying to figure out if I want to buy food that's real food or if what is this meat look that you're gonna see on Marie's phase if you bump into our trader Joe's. Yeah, thank you so much for ruining Calamari for me, Like, didn't I didn't mean to. Honestly, I when Ryan told it to me, I knew that I had to share this, But I also knew that I was going to offer people. You

remember that movie It Follows. That's just basically a horror movie about st d S. That's what the Calamari story is. It's it's just It Follows, but It Follows is a horror movie about std Yeah, it's basically like a horror movie where like, you have sex with a person and then a ghost attaches to you, and the ghost is gonna kill you unless you have sex with somebody else to give them the ghost. Yeah, oh god, that sound cute.

Oh is that all Hulu? It's a Hulu. This is not a promotion for It Follows, but it's turned into one. And what a great way to end the episode. Just promote it follows right at the end. Gross. Anyway, I can't wait to hear this episode. I feel like the beginning was messy, in the middle was like, okay, we learning things, and in the end was Mr Bean. So I love this for us and I'm so happy you did it. And as always, you guys can follow me at Langston Kerman and please send us drops, Please subscribe

and like and comment. I love the comments. Send me comments and finally, uh, you can send me drops and ship at my mama pod at gmail dot com. Okay, that's enough, get the funk out of here, my crop chips in your fails O. Kuala bears are racist, the OsO players money many turnkey stuff. I can't tell me