Steppin' on Cracks and Breakin' Backs (with Jazmyn W)

You know, I've never dated anybody like that or even like been around a guy who was shorter that had that sort of mentality. But I did a show in New York this past weekend and there was a guy like in the front and he was as soon as I said I came out talking about short man, and as soon as I he like was not happy. Yeah, And he was heckling me a little bit. And his girlfriend was like, but he's five eight. I was like, girl, no, he's not.

He's not.

And you know when you yelled and why you yelled that out anyway exists.

That's an actual number. I think you're you're either five seven or five nine and one of those yeah spinning.

That's like how a lot of structures don't have a thirteenth floor.

Oh yeah, yeah yeah. Guy was like, that's a dangerous height to y'all. Funny you find he you'll tip over. We gotta do five to seven five nine.

Chips in yours.

A Kuala bears are racist.

Layers money stuff, I can't tell me.

We were five steps from e turnty boar STAPs, four steps past LP and three wishes. We went three whishats from touching the heavens above there it is there.

It is ladies and gentlemen, little Mama's and gentizza. Like, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told.

Me, America's foremost Drew Hill podcast. Because I love him.

Boys, they are just fine in my book.

Come on last Starr and B group to have a fat guy?

Really?

Who did it? Since?

Then?

No, Day twenty six wasn't one of the guys a little thing?

Fair enough?

What year is that? Day twenty six?

Day twenty six is two thousand and four. Okay, that's what. Okay, I will say, Okay, I will say they redefined what thick is.

Though he's not Woody fat Woody Drew Hill. He's a fat guy. They're a fat guy who could sit there. They were truly like, no, we want a big one.

Yeah that's what. Yeah, it's a very different thing. Like Day twenty six was like, oh, he ain't he don't take his shirt off, right, right, he gets his shirt on, but he wearing the same outfit as you. Just keep his shirt on.

And that's not what Woody was doing. Jazz was doing. Jazz was the longest coake.

Right, Yeah, he would have the different because s Nocchio would have arms damn near nips out.

Cisco's got the tigers showing yes, and.

Then they dressed him in various colors of Morpheus. Okay, just long black leather, long long green leather. It was whatever they could cover.

Up with to jazz in the trench Man. That was that was a good times.

Yeah only Cisco actually yeah.

Yeah, they're from Baltimore, but Drew Hill was a parking in their neighborhood.

After a park really yeah, wow, I got to rush up on my black history.

I don't know if we qualify this that is.

It's just a weird I just got really I was really into them for some reason.

I think given the state of the world, we can't afford to replace old knowledge with Drew Hill.

Now that's true.

Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like, and it's no shaded Drew Hill. I'm such a big fan of y'all. Please come do the show plenty one bro.

Any one of y'all could sit down with us, typically jazz, but also anyone and.

You better wear that coat. But the point is, I think we're in a state of the world where we cannot go like, hey, where my local water supply is gets replaced with like which one of them is the tallest? Do you know what I mean? That's dangerous.

I like that. I'm interested in that because do you think that that was because are you? Are you millennial too?

Yeah?

Okay?

Do you think that's why as millennials we are having such a tough time like coping with the world because we gained all that knowledge only to have it not be necessary at all because you have to pay attention to politics.

I think that we really are the smartest generation.

That doesn't feel like everybody thinks that, though I.

Bet they do, But I think in a genuine way, I think that we were the generation that benefited the most from like resources of being able to reach across the world and learn things via the internet, without the Internet being so consuming on our spirit that we didn't still want to reach out and discover and like research and be a part of the larger thing. I think now everything is like so compartmentalized that you could learn about the world, but you only learn about Drew Hill knowledge, right,

And I had that knowledge in the nineties.

And I don't think I replace. I just you just have to add happy knowledge items. Those are joyous knowledge items that you add to all of the other chaotic things. And I don't know if millennials are are the smartest. I feel like that's subjective, but I feel like we are the most adaptable. There's no generation before us or after us that will be able to adapt the way that we have adapted to the changes.

I agree, because the transition from like the transition that we went through is crazier than anybody else's.

Yeah.

We went from the old world to the new world. Yeah, and we were born in the old world. We came of.

Age in the digital era, and now we're firmly in the new world. And we're the last ones who remember that until whatever generation rejects.

Yeah, the craziest until the water.

Wars not worry about technology anymore, and then they go back to learning how to do shit.

Yeah. The craziest thing Back to the Future could imagine was a skateboard with a rocket on it. We're like, we've seen it now. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like you are your wildest dreams. We saw it come true and we kept rocket.

Yeah yeah, wait, where's the skateboard? With a rocket the future too. Yeah, I.

Don't know. But the electronic skateboards, yes, yeah.

Okay, okay, those came out.

Trying to start some ship.

Just wear that that skateboard was.

Just genuinely what the pot was more about.

Science has evolved to the state of skateboards and rockets. It's not that they're accessible for all of us. Shame on you our guest today. We're so happy. She's heious. She's hilarious. She's a person all over the goddamn internet. If you're a fan of stand up comedy, you've seen her work. She's so funny. She's on tour now. It's a mini tours. She told us. She said, don't take this seriously as a tour, but you can come and see her. She doesn't respect those that are coming. She

It was.

Yeah, oh oh god, Jasmine, thank you for being.

I'm so excited. Thank y'all for having me. Everybody take a sip.

You take a sip, and then already we time it out perfectly. We get this bad boy started.

You came Jasmine with a conspiracy theory that I don't even know if we can technically call it a conspiracy theory as much as allure, a mysticism in the air that's existed throughout my entire childhood. I some all of our childhoods. I don't know its origins. In my heart of hearts, you said, my mama told me if you step on a crack, you'll break your mama's back.

Man, Yeah, good one.

Did you ever and this is just me maybe do you ever remember as a kid putting it into practice until it got too tiring?

WHOA, I was walking mad blocks as I was outside, So you're really.

Trying to socialize, trying to kill your mom.

I was just like a while, it's just like, God, he's taking me forevery I have somewhere to Beah, you know.

What I'm saying. And it's so many cracks. I'm like, I think she's man, she could take one crack, one crack, and then it's just like now you're just.

Walking After a while, you just gotta I remember it being like yeah, I really remember that.

That's so real though, because it is sort of like I thought of it. Okay, this is conspiracy. First of all, it was really tough for me to find a conspiracy because I believe in them.

So I'm like, it's not real. Sounds like this is.

A playful one. But at some point you do forget about the game.

You you have to like, yeah, you have to.

Be willing to risk it all.

Yeah, because like other ones like don't split a pool is not hard, right, Yeah, I still I still don't.

Split a poll when you're walking with somebody.

Yeah, to this day, Oh really, I don't really do that.

But it's just it's not because it's not that many say there's so many cracks. Yes, there's so many cracks.

You really have to walk weird to be able to achieve the don't step on the crack.

That was always the difficulty.

Yeah, were you a child repeating this? Was that like something that you were telling people and you believe for yourself or were you just you know, going along with the folks that said it kind of thing?

No, I was.

I was the person starting it. I love a little bit you know of an icebreaker, you know, I love, a little gay, a little icebreaker, a little challenge.

Little squid game, just to make everybody feel loose, everybody.

Have a good time.

Hey, you hang out with me, I might kill your mama.

Just your mom.

It's like directly related to your actions. Yes, right, it's like no one else can step on their c It's like.

Yeah, but it's a mind game that I'm introducing. Jeffrey Dahmer is essentially he Yeah, that was that was elite.

I would say, you know, you're introducing the sort of violence that then overtakes your peers and everyone.

Well, it's really a lesson of how your actions have consequence.

WHOA That sounds like something Jeffrey would saying.

Don't slip up, you get sinister at the end. But it is like that's how you feel after a while. I gotta risk it to get Yeah.

No, that's very fair.

That's important. Do your kids do it? Do you tell your daughter about it?

No?

Seeing that interesting. I've never introduced this at all, would you, m man? No, I don't know, because here's this is just me thinking as a psychopath. You tell her that and you make her believe it. Now, she can't run off like that, right, in a real way, because you got to look at the ground. You gotta it's all about trapping children.

You're saying, it's like an electric fence around our home. Is this fear of stepping on over hurting her mother? She loves, who she was trying to run away from.

Okay, well all right.

Kids want to have a three year old Okay, you want to prove.

You They want to prove you wrong. Yeah, they're a little bit.

Mean, they are. They are vicious, vicious people. Yeah, that's that doesn't feel like she wouldn't do it, kid? Yeah.

Yeah.

And then if you said, like if you said like ow and fell down, they would then turn it into a game where like they're just stomping on cracks everywhere you go. Man.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, you know what I mean. I feel like I really overstepped my boundary.

According you know, they're going to be smarter than us.

But no, I don't think so.

I actually think I actually think that.

Way more, way earlier than we were, especially we tapped out. Baby, you think it's us, I think it's us, all right. I just I have a hard time thinking everybody didn't think that.

I I think the world is going to devolve in a way where information is not going to hold value anymore. And I think it's just going to be about a bit.

I think it will cycle through. I think it's like you're not looking on it big enough.

Oh you think it's to keep growing and we're going to move past like radiation and fucking start.

I'm not saying there won't be a Yeah, there won't be some type of maybe a pairing down because we have so many people.

But yeah, I think we get through it. Oh wow, Well.

What I don't even understand what that means where information won't matter anymore?

To me? Information is everything.

Yeah, agreed, it's.

Me looking around this room, it's every single thing. So how do you get to the point where that doesn't matter? I don't understand.

I don't mean information in terms of how you process the world. I mean information as in this just loose access to all things. I think that we created the Internet with the intention of connecting everybody and everything, right so that at anything, at anything that I want to learn, I could theoretically learn about through this giant resource. And I'm saying that we were in the perfect position for managing that resource in a way that actually created intellectual value.

I think that I understand that idea.

I do think that there's a rejection of that at some point, just like everything get like, don't I don't think this like this way that we're living with technology.

In our like in our lives all the time.

I think at some point some generation either something happens which is the big worry, or like some general the generation rejects it.

Just in the like on the internet, my parents did that. That's corny. I think that we do leave this and we go back again, because there's been like dark ages, right, There's been periods of like anti intellectualists and all that shit for like long times and then we get out of it, right that shit, it's just like it's cyclical. I don't I don't believe that the Internet is just like harbinger of doom that we can never escape. I don't think that.

I I think you're probably right that it is cyclical, and I would say that the cycle, as far as I can tell, is always paired with a tragedy. It's not cyclical just because people sober up and go like, oh that's man, I ain't trying to do it.

Oh no, I mean I.

Think something I thought major is going to have to happen in order for us to be talking about whatever the next version is. And at that point that's not on my record book. Baby, starting that's what I'm saying. I'm saying, as far as are the world that we've lived in, we are the smartest generation.

Okay, yeah, okay, I'm going to say something a little bit controversial.

Yeah this is crazy. You got more serious than it. Yeah, this is real fun. Wanted to argue with me, I don't know, I don't know.

You let my.

Silly statement just be a similar statement was serious.

It was so dark, you know, He's like he made it sound like he made like a butcher.

I was silly, whack a mole, and y'all came in trying to hit me.

You actually brought us doom. You got doom into the room.

Disagree?

No, I think that everybody's talking about anti intellectualism, and I hate when words become so popular that I see him on TikTok comments every day. But a part of a little of that makes me a little bit excited because the people in the past who determine what intellectual, what it meant to be intellectual, maybe we're breaking that down. Maybe those people no longer have power over what is intellectual anymore. And that is a little bit exciting, isn't it.

Yeah, that is like a new world.

I think it's like, yeah, that is exciting because it's like even like like IQ tests and stuff like that. You hear about all that shit was biased, right, Yeah, So it's like maybe it is breaking down in the system that's more beneficial to guys who might be kind of dumb.

Exactly.

Yeah, idiots, it's our time. I like this, This is how I went. There's a good time to be kind of dumb.

It is a great time to be to be at the very least pseudo smart.

Dumb guys are up you.

You just have to know how to fake it smart a little bit. And people are like Yep, that's enough.

Yeah, nobody's checking anything. Anybody saying. Man, that sound right to me, and I like, I like how poised you were when you said it's how we have a job. Yeah, what do you think we're doing in here?

This is all made up.

We're just saying a bunch of big words.

I don't know what most of them me. I'm surprised at the time. I saone, you said that, you don't know that one?

So many times we seeing some ship and I'll be like, I'm going to say that to Langston on the camera. It's the week I gotta like planet.

I just spit out my dream. This is gregious.

Yeah, they were watching it before we started the podcast. They were watching videos of t I out there.

Viewing. She don't know that's how we pray, but that is true. That is true. We were watching TI videos.

He was saying expeditionally, Yeah, that was one of his words. Man, I wish I could be a word guy. Though it feels like fun, it's just like I don't have the courage in casual conversation to just throw them out.

All the time.

Is a thing, very a courageous way to live, you know, very much.

You know it's fucked up.

I am a little bit of a word guy, but the whole every time I throw out one, I'm like in my head being like, is that the definition of that? I hope so? And then I keep going and that's where I.

Yeah, I mean, listen, if you do it confidently, like you said, nobody's checking.

Nobody's checking, and that's a shame.

I do you do?

I listen.

I think I'm well spoken, but I do not have like what I would consider a very large vocabulary.

So I'd be like, let me.

That time. I've already moved on to spitiously.

You gotta trick the brain, like anyway.

That is how I get got sometimes watching videos where I'm like, n six seven and two minutes, bro.

I'm about to say something nasty and maybe y'all ain't agree with this, but that's that was Pharaoh montch for me. Oh yeah, that was what Pharaoh mons. You remember him?

No, he was a rapper in the early two thousand Orange Simon says, was like the big hit.

Yeah he had. He was like, he was the most conscious.

He was conscious, one of the smart guy rappers.

Times.

I put him above even like to live and most it was parah Mont was supposed to be like you know, to him.

I think everybody realized he was just saying big words. Oh Like I think everybody just sobered up and was like, what the fuck is he talking about?

But in the raps or outside of the rap rap that's what's the issue with that though, Like that's kind of cool.

You can use really big worries and make them rhyme and tell a story.

You maybe don't know that there was a story.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, that specifically with rap music and why I was never into like Liracol miracle, you know what I mean. And it's like, because what I like from it most is you believing what you said even if you didn't do it. And I think sometimes people who just put words in to put words in, aren't they know they're not saying you know what I mean, Like where it's like two chains meant that he means those things that he says, Yeah, And that.

To me is more attractive than just like feral.

Mond's wood grain chestnut titty fuck chestnut chains.

Come on, you can't beat it.

It's like you got to be passionate about down.

I think in this whole life.

He wrote that top of the don't yeah, God damn.

Because who writes down titty?

Fuck?

Come on, time I've ever written the word titty. I felt bad about it for sure. Fuck what are you thinking?

Man? My parents? I think titty is so funny.

My parents just started to say, like, I'm thirty six and I think maybe four years ago one time at the house, my dad was just kind of like, titties and.

Then everybody laugh like.

It's like, it's not a word.

He said growing up, it's not a word. But at one point he was just like, fuck, it's grown titty.

He's like, I didn't finally say that word.

Try.

I've been sitting on this motherfucker for thirty six.

Years trying, probably since it came out.

Kids, Listen up.

That was around the fire place. Titties, titties.

Your father is a free man. Oh right, he is a free.

Memorated man that really speaks how much he believes in Yo.

Do you know what I mean?

Is like not miserable. My my family is straight. My job did what they had to do. They are in a good enough place that I can sit back and finally be my fullest self.

And titties and I paid for paid for.

Yeah, I own this furniture. Man, don't come calling for me titties. You're right, it's beautiful. He's really proud of you.

You can only hope one day to just say titties in front of our family. I really want to say titties in front of my kids some day.

Yeah, I can say.

To eighty percent of my family. Yeah, it's like anybody my mom's age and older.

I wouldn't. Yeah, like I'm the cousins, I'm king cousin. I could say titties. Wow, hellttle brothers, but like.

Yeah, not like the old ones. Yeah, I don't even do you guys, christ in front of your older family.

I do. But we're loose, okay, yeah, we don't have a lot of strong tradition and okay, okay, okay, what about you know what my family.

I'm actually not a big cursor outside of like I do curse doing my stand up because it's kind of like Sasha fears moment. I think, like my innermost feelings. But I'm not a huge cursor like in conversation. But I think I can curse around my granny and she definitely curses yeah, she says, it is not a bad word.

I like that.

Yeow like that. You think you could start the ship, you.

Know around my family?

No, I just mean, like you say, the first year.

Yeah, if you sit down with your granny and like you and she would be she.

Would laugh and she would that's good whatever, that's beautiful.

Yeah, yeah, that's very nice.

My grandmothers are no longer with me, But if they were here, one of them would wouldn't give a ship. If I cursed, then the other one would be she would have died from it. Oh my goodness, it would have killed her.

I only knew one, and the one I knew she it would be bad. It would be bad. She just loved God so much.

Well, my grandmother too. She went to seminary school. She'll be ninety this year. Oh hell yeah yeah, yeah, you know what. Yes, it'll be in Dallas, absolutely.

Yeah.

Love to be at her party.

Yeah, and she'll probably say a few times there. But she's just a really good balance. Yeah, you know, she's a really good balance of like the Lord and a little bit of cussing.

Okay. I love it when people get old and then it feels like they struck a balance because I think a lot of people get old and they just become so rigid in this one thing. They were like, damn, you never you never lived loose, You never got to just run around a little bit. You never got to say titties in the house with the kids. Come on, man, that's part of it. Come on, that's part of the whole journey. And if you guys are watching holding back,

They they matter to you and they need to know it. And the only way you can truly show that is to say titties in front of your family.

And if you're worried about the severity of titties, I would say, ramp up, start saying booty.

Starting booty below titties.

I think.

So, I think Booty's got to be in context. I think I think you've got to be talking about an ass. It can't be like booty and you're like being like a little kid about it. It's got to be like.

A yeah, you have to be yeah.

I'm not saying look at her booty, that's a that's got to be the energy of it. But titties you can just lay loose on the floor, everybody gets to play with.

No.

I think that titties is far more I think that just like I've never I've never articulated this before, but this is I'm finding a core belief of mine.

I'm I think that.

Booty is far more appropriate to talk about in any sort of polite situation.

Than titties is like vulgar kind of.

I don't think that's quite my point. I'm saying that, yes, I fully agree with you, booty is less severe than titties. I'm saying, to reach the level of euphoria that your father has reached, you need to be saying something on scale with titties and booty doesn't satisfy unless it's referencing, Okay, specific.

As yah booty is. That's nothing to me. Don't come out here with your booty out, you know, that's nothing to me. To me, like Kuchi would.

Be Okay, now we're now we're talking. If your dad gathered y'all around the place, I have to.

Say I would actually be a little worried.

You don't want that at all.

You gotta start looking at homes.

My mama got my mama gotta find somewhere to go.

You did it again.

Hey, he did it again. Hey, Dad cannot speak to you upside.

Yeah, let's step out.

We're gonna have to do some cognitive tests because.

You don't lost your dad mind and church.

What are you going to do? You gotta take it easy, man, you're drunk. You're drinking again, just saying, coachie, we should take a break.

We should.

This has been great, so good, we'll be back jasmine more. My mama told me.

I'm short, I'm bold. I can't get any holes.

I'm fighting my entire life.

That drop felt like violence towards me. I don't know who put it on there. I'm not sure where it came from.

Wait.

Wait, you're not that short, and you said you're in a relationship.

So you're not that short and you're in a relationship.

Don't check the stats.

Uh no, it's just I think that I think that if you're not six foot, then you're always.

On edge a little bit. Oh yeah, yeah, I think that's right.

And you're and you're taller than me.

Yeah, oh, I'm in my six foot era. So I do understand where you guys. Okay, I just I just posted today on my Instagram stories a guy was like trying to do and me.

I said, how tall are you? He said five to ten? I said, oh, baby, I'm in my six foot era.

You're off the rial.

You who just said to the cameras that I'm very tall.

You're like from the You're like, no, I can't.

Can we can we get into this though, because I'm so curious about this. Yeah, because I've always felt personally, I don't think people know six foot off site like that.

I do.

I think you do because you're thorough.

I think the majority of people who have that get duped by a five to ten every day of the week.

NA five eleven, we would be like two.

Inches is this much now?

Yeah? But I will say that in man math, if he's saying five ten, he's not five ten exactly. Probably five eight, that's true, and you're that's a noticeable difference.

And if he's five eight, he's five to seven exactly, because five to seven sounds short. Five to seven, Yeah, okay, I'm five. Hey, I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be here with my friend. I'm in a committed relationship.

That's how tall I've paid a mortgage.

Don't make me no, what is it?

Is it?

Have do men under six ft? Do they have a bad rapport with you?

Is it? Have you gone?

Like a lot of times we're like, I'm not doing this again these guys.

No.

I think I think I'm a little bit flexible too. It's a joke. I'm a little bit flexible. But I think that where it stems from is I was married for a really long time. Like I was in a relationship for twelve years and I was married. And so now that I'm single, I've been single a couple of years and I have dated, you know, I've dated guys who are shorter, and I'm just like, no, I'm in my selfish era, you know, just because I'm saying, you know, I really want to date someone taller.

Now.

You know, I wasn't married to someone who is short, but still I want to date somebody taller.

Now.

I've tried to date people who said that they were five eleven and they.

Weren't there five nine. Why you keep saying you five eleven.

I'm looking at you, you know, so like now I'm just like I'm in my six foot erage.

Just let me have this krekno a preference, you know. And and when they get the shorter they get, then they get too buffy. I don't know. I mean, I mean personality buff. We were just talking about this the other day.

Yeah, there is a like a look like a little jacked man is five. It's a very specific personality that is super hard to connect with, where they are in a defensive mode at all times because not always able to just be themselves. And there are some exceptions. I have friends who are exception at that. But yeah, but on average, Ridge little jacks man got a real specific personality that don't go well with me.

Yes, like I benched three fifteen.

Yeah, that's what they got to say, truthfully, what are you ten?

Right? I'm probably five ten and a half. How when did you realize six wasn't coming? Because that's that's a hard day for a man. I think every I think every man has that day where they're like this shit.

I I had a nasty checkpoint in high school where I was a basketball player the whole time, played freshman ball, played sophomore ball, was like on track to make the team, didn't make the team junior year.

But that's the worst year to not make it dog.

Because that's what sunk into my head immediately, was like, oh, maybe this is my stopping point physically, like it just ate at whatever. Like confidence that I previously held immediately devolved and it became sort of like, all right, oh fuck my dad six two, but I'm not like starting to get close to that. I'm sixteen seventeen. Yeah, yes, isn't something isn't tracking to work out in my favor via this like physical athletic body. And so then I just started writing poetry.

You're smart because that happened to me, And I just started smoking more we like because I was like, because I even I was so sure the spurt was coming, because I hadn't met my dad yet.

I was so.

I was so sure, I swear to god, I was so sure the spirit was coming.

Funny, that's so funny that that for you, meeting your dad was like a little boobu in boxing.

We're just you don't know what the fuck you're about to get?

Well, you know what it was. It was really like, and this is fucked right.

I would have forgiven the absence if I had clocked some shit in you that I could use.

You showed up little. You can't be little and gone.

Your mom didn't tell you that he was little about nothing.

She didn't want to tell me he was there. When he came. She was like, but what I'm saying is so I thought it was coming. So I even was on track to be sought off. But I got strong as hell because I was a defensive tackle.

You can't be that little, you know what I'm saying. So I got strong as ship. And I was like, yeah, men, I bench three fifteen by the time I should come in. Yeah, by till my ship comes.

In, it's gonna be crazy.

I'm gonna it's just gonna be. I do squats because once it stretches out, now it's nasty.

I'm Michael Or and I can read.

Come on, come on, come on now, now, now you gotta do something with me. Yeah, and then it just like and then I met my dad and then it just didn't. And then I was like, but then you hold out hope because my mom got toad brothers. Yeah, so you're like, okay, but maybe somehow. But then I'm also seeing my grandma's same body. And then I'm like shit, I think I you know, when you see where you lined up, you're like, I think I got that.

I got Grandma Auntie Jeans.

I didn't get Uncle Solomon, the tall, cool one.

That really sucks to see your body in your grandma.

It's one of the harder it's one of the toughest losses I've taken in my life.

So wait, this is your dad's mom.

My mom's mom.

I don't even know my dad's mom. Okay, So, but like it's like my mom my grandma was really big, and my auntie and they're Africa.

So it's just like it is genetic. It's not like you know what I'm saying. That was like, it's just that's how it is, my grandma and my auntie.

But then I have three real tall, cool looking uncles. Yeah, cool looking right, shady yeah Solomon.

Right, and it because.

She also in that era, big old.

This is a dangerous game if you want to play, I know.

Uh.

But yeah, So I was like maybe I got some residual, and then I realized I didn't. So at some point you're just like I just got to thug it out like this, you know, man, that's me.

I could be Desmond. We I did some research on your conspiracy theory. We're still talking about the possibility that that stepping on a crack will break your mother's back. And apparently this was a lot more dense in terms of information than I expected. I thought this was just a nursery rhyme type thing that kids fucking around with. But it's not goofy kids shit. It apparently has a

Pretty. I think we all thought that was going so wrong. Yeah, yeah, I thought so for sure.

I was like, oh, this is getting nasty all right, here we go, And.

Is this like, is this like from a bad time? Is this like a ring around the rosy thing?

It seems as if this was like early twentieth century or mid twentieth century that this version of it starts to take over, right, So so like nineteen fifties, let's say this is when it becomes a little bit more of this bigger nursery rhyme that everybody's using. But before that, there was actually like other versions of this thing, including and this is pretty wild, if you step on a crack, you'll marry a black person.

Wait by those cracks early to get to you, baby, I was investing in our future, So no shade.

I was going to say the original the first rhyme that you said, I'm like, okay, do you sound like white people problems? Yeah, because tearing your father's shirt, your mama knows it, and this is not serious enough for us. Yeah, but that that explains a little bit more. I'm like, oh, this is a little what is the white people nursing?

This is a racist nursery rhyme, seems, And they they hated us so much they didn't even want to rhyme it. They were just like, you step on the crack, get marry a black person.

They didn't say the word just rhymes with black. I think when it was written it was not a black person. I don't think this was a rhyme.

As much as this was just a thing. They were saying this.

This is another version of it that circulates to prove your point. There was one that said, if you step on a crack, your mother will be black. Wow, they're like this retroactively, you're gonna find out you got a nigga mama because are so cool. Yeah, it sounds that I think they don't realize it's pretty awesome.

Yeah, it's a blessing.

Yeah, that's the only way I learned at.

All, the way it sounds difficult.

The way you want to God damn it. Yeah, it really speaks to just how much all of this stuff is rooted in like racism, Like not just this song, but like everything in America. Yeah, in some version of racism.

It's truly the story of this country. It's like I feel like, not that there isn't lots of racism.

I think black versus white racism is like the story of America from the beginning. That's like the main through line.

Yeah, there were there's also a version this is a one not racist version I saw that was like an originating form that said. In the twentieth century, they would sometimes say you'll be eaten by bears at lunch if you step on a crack.

Oh, that ain't even dead. I don't even run.

No, that's a warning that they rode on a wall or something.

And if you're not, you're not somewhere that has bears and cracks. Right, you know what I'm saying.

Thank you for saying that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, this is bullshit. Yeah I think you're right. Yeah, it doesn't make sense at all.

No, that's stupid.

This is even in Alaska they don't have like bear and crack, you know what I mean, Like there's some separation of the church and state.

The ice cracks.

But are you walking on the ice?

Yeah?

I think if you're walking on the ice, you don't need this saying there, you know what I mean.

Also, if you're near a polar bear, that it's it's done. Yeah, what's the bear rhyme? White taped flight?

Yeah, polar bear is the biggest scariest one.

Yeah, that's the one that will kill you for sure. Well, really, black, get that brown get down.

Yeah they did it right.

Yeah, Black and black you you yell at them and ship ye try to scare them. Yeah, and then brown you pish yourself and you lay down and hope they don't kill you, and then polar bear you dead. You can't. You ain't the whitest bear, the most dangerous, the most dangerous. It's the white one, and I think we can all agree on that. And the biracial bear is the nicest one.

Which one is.

Doing that?

Man?

Panda bears tell me I'm wrong?

Is not mean?

They're like ill tempered though, No, pandas are laziest. Fuck okay, and they won't have sex with each other they like, Oh they're not may they do it, but it requires a lot of coercion and a lot of like very specific timing to get them to funk, which is why they're endangered.

Where are they made it to China?

Yeah? I think so. It's Asia for sure. I don't know, you know which parts specifically.

I actually recently learned that pandas that's where chlamydia came from.

Wow.

Really, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I'm gonna be honest. That sounds like an absolute lie, but I'm excited to explore this.

I should look it up.

Because I don't know how it gets from them to us. That's right, you do know how it takes right. I really need to know if this is true. Now type in panda beara media look it up.

Now, I got to remember how to spell chlamydia c h l A and too fast. You got it? If you spelled c h l A M Y D I A, I got it?

Is that right? I think I might have spelled.

I think that might be right spelled.

Climate media h.

L say that here is gonna get winto that and we're gonna have that movie coming any day now.

Media takes on climate controls sort of the.

Movie We All this Country Need That actually would be a really fucking bring us together as film?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, would it be.

Climate Media sounded like a pretty good title to me. But I madea madea goes to the Ozone layer, right.

I don't know this.

Medea goes green.

Media goes green, yea because she'll also smoke weed in the movie.

And I think there's like a really nice scene where like she Greta Thumberg is like giving an impassioned speech and then media can like hit her with a purse and be like shut up, bitch, I got this, and then just down the barrel say all the things we need.

Okay, Tyler. I know we talked a lot about you. Yeah, we said a lot of bad ship, but this is a once in a lifetime I actually.

I think you could save the world, Tyler Perry, and I've never said that. I think you're in a position right now to save everything. MADEA Goes Green is an opportunity to not only build your franchise, possibly into its final stage, but more importantly, you can truly save our planet. You can encourage a bunch of people who have not taken climate change seriously for a multitude of reasons. Environmental warfare on the black community is an active thing, and

Don't do that studio. He doesn't pay union prices.

He could give us a gun. We could get a cut, give us a cut, give us a cut, but it ain't got to be a big cut. I just need you to save the world.

Do we even need the movie? I mean he is a billionaire. Just the money, yeah, yeah, something.

I got a feeling that that's not how he does business.

Something tells me that I don't think he got to a billion dollars by being.

Charitable with it, you know what I mean?

Yeah, how far I was thinking about this. This doesn't have anything to do with anything. Yeah, how far in terms of common decency? How far do you think the nicest billionaire is above like the nicest person or below the nicest person you know, in terms of like common decens common decency.

Yeah, I think billionaires are some of the most commonly decent people on the planet.

But the actions you can't, like, you can't detach that from that, like you have to. Oh, I guess I'm asking are you referring to how they behave like their propriety or are you talking about like their actual common like they're actual because propriety so far from That's what I mean. They're all gonna be. They're all very well spoken and I'm sure charming and stuff like that.

That's what I think. They're all extremely charmed, like extremely personal. Everybody that talks about Donald trumpele loved with him. Go that dude is awesome.

People love that people people he was really beloved, like just like a very personal guy.

I think a lot of people when they come back and granted to meet with him is to already have made decisions in your hand where you're like wanting to like this person, but nobody is. On average, nobody's walking away and being like he was an asshole as much as they are charmed by him. And I think that that is not at all reflective of a good person. He is a awful, awful, just evil person. But at its root that has nothing to do with your socializing and charming ship, right know.

I associate billionaires because I've been in close proximity with people who want to be billionaires, right, and they're the most charming, nice, sweet but they're they don't care about other people, right, So you know, like I may see somebody and be like, oh my god, I may see things happening across the world and be like, oh this is terrible. They honestly just don't give a fuck. Yeah,

And that's how you get to billionaires.

Sat for you. Elon's whole thing is that he thinks he's saving the world, right, Like he really built that up in his head, is like I am saving the planet, and he sees all of like the pain, the suffering, the sort of like the challenge is that he's adding to the world as necessary sacrifice is for a greater good. He's imagined. This isn't a person who has even the ability to see your experience and value it, because he's like, Noah, I gotta I'm iron Man, bro, I gotta keep being iron Man.

Yeah, yeah, you gotta be a hero. Yeah.

It sucking. Sucks.

Can I tell you all something else that sucks? Yeah? There are a bunch of other nursery rhyme type things that have these same racist origins.

Wait, what happened to chlamydia? You're supposed to be looking.

Oh that's nonsense. You're you're spreading absolutely. I was trying to do you a favor the other day. Yeah, No, it's pandas don't even really come up. Koalas are the ones that everybody thinks I think I have, they have or or there's a lot of questions of whether or not they in fact have Chlamydiaan they're all giving it

Yeah, it's like HPV.

I think all the boy ones don't know if they have it, and they're probably given it.

Yeah yeah, yeah.

Well, okay, racist origins for these other nursery rhymes, right any meenie miney mo? Are we familiar yeah with that? The tiger is nigger? What it's in the original nursery rhyme? There is no tiger. There's only a nigger in replace of the tiger, and it was catching nigger by his toe if he hollers, let him go any mini money?

Mo.

Yeah, I think I've heard that one before.

Yeah, and this is where it gets even more interesting. The the original to that, the one that that was catch a negro by his toe if he hollers, make him pay twenty dollars every day.

I've heard that one, not with with a tiger.

Oh the tigers meant to pay you money?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that.

I really Oh that's crazy.

You want this try to learn American at the time.

At the time of this, twenty dollars was a lot.

That's just asking somebody twenty dollars.

I'm like, that's a lot of lone.

Money for a tiger especially, I would say.

Well even for that person.

Whenever this came out, twenty dollars a day was what it says, not to cost that back then, and this is way before early nineteen hundreds. This is so its origins is slaves, right, This is about like the slave

Right, It really.

Always gets like this at the end.

Damn, I couldn't even I couldn't even begin to make money, much less twenty dollars a day as a slave, exactly.

It's about them. It's about you being indebted to them.

Yeah yeah, fuck now, it's real nasty. Here's here's the last little nasty one. I'll throw y'all away. No, this one sucks too. The ice cream Truck song.

Oh yeah, yeah, so the No, that's monkey chase it.

That's pop goes the Weasel, not that one. The the ice cream truck song is a specific I don't think it is.

That it is.

What is the I don't know. I can't think of it.

I'm gonna but we're gonna play it real quick and see if this satisfies.

Oh yeah, it's jibs hanglo.

Yeah exactly. That's the racist origins. So the ice cream Truck song, although there are no lyrics to the song that we know, actually comes from a song called Nigga Love a Watermelon. Ha ha ha. God, that's a lot.

That's not what it's called. That's a lot. I don't like that at all.

That's true. I heard. I've heard that.

You've heard Nigger watermelon and I don't like zandi yar. That's the way it is, the Nigger love of watermelon. Ha ha ha.

That's a I man, fuck that.

No, that's so that's dead ass yeah sung.

The song was written by an actor named Harry C. Brown and released to the public in nineteen sixteen. However, the song is much older than its release date. According to an article and podcast on NPR by Theodore R. Johnson, the second Brown simply used the well known melody of the early nineteenth century song Turkey in the Straw, which dates to an even to even older and traditional British song the Old Rose Tree. So he took these songs, put his words to it, and was like, nigger love

Yeah, fuck you, That's how I feel.

It's crazy. Yeah, God damn, I'm always like so.

Excited to order watermelon or to eat watermelon because it is a story of black entrepreneurship and white people's attempt to make it to make us feel bad about creating a job for ourselves.

That they started up, which is nasty, nasty whites. They love fucking up somebody else making good food. Yeah, man, just like you know.

What I mean, like the watermelon thing, the MSG thing, like they really just like they really love being like that food's dirty.

You can't have it no more.

Did I tell you the conspiracy I heard about White Castle? So apparently all right, watch this okay, already apparently White Castle started as a segregated restaurant, right it was White Castle because only white people could go to White Castle. And then somebody nearby built a Black Castle for black people to enjoy the same type of food. But Black Castle started thriving so much more than White Castle, like with sunning them. The food was better, the service was better,

Is this this is a true story?

I have no idea, but isn't it? Isn't that just fun? It used to exist that we used to have something. I'll give you another one, Tyler, this fall on Netflix, blacks Castle. Tyler, you keep your grubby hands off of it. Ruby, No grubby you trying to word check me? Grubby? Your hands are grubby from all the oils you rub on your boys. They're grubby fingers, and you leave black Castle alone.

You're welcome to media ghos. You can't, my dear you want, you leave me my black castle, You leave me my black.

Feel like black Castle is like a viable title for a Tyler Perry film, but it is gonna be about a nigga with no shirt on.

Sure, dark dark feeling.

Yeah, my name Castle.

Yes, and he's gonna yell at women.

All right. I think we need to take one more break, take one more break, and then we'll do a voicemail together. Great more, Jasmine more. My mama told me.

Pot my butt, pop, pop my butt, pot my butt, pop, pop my butt.

Do you know what pop my butt meant to Harriet Tubman? Do you know what that meant? It meant a whip.

We're back.

We're back, We're back, and we're taking this seriously. They're still here with Jasmine w We're gonna do a voicemail. We're going to listen to a voicemail.

Oh man, they're weird.

They're often weird and and sometimes complicated. But we got a very intriguing tagline from this person, so I'm excited to play it.

What's up, Langston, what's up. David John from Denver, longtime listener, love the show Funniest Shit. I got to two conspiracy theories, or two long held beliefs. I grew up into Themica Republic and they got a whole bunch of crazy shit over there, but two of the craziest. Number one, there is a long held belief from mostly the rural areas. And this was mostly talk to me about from other guys that grew up in farms in the Dominican Republic.

Oh, okay, this is nasty. You're nasty. That's crazy Dominican.

This he's saying you could either swipe a goat's mouth and rubbing on your dick, or you can just get your dick sucked by a goat.

Which is crazy because they eat every think that comes in contract with a goat is moving its teeth out the way to engage your penis.

Yeah, you're fucking the goats and that's you're you're pretending as if this is like some sort of sexual thing when in fact, you're just molesting goats.

Also, I don't think you're Dominican. I think you're from Nebraska, and this is you're a home state lord.

Whoa.

I didn't say Denver because that's where I'm from. And I don't like you.

You're saying this Dominican Republican. It is just to throw off Whoa. Yeah, that's and I don't want to judge. You know, people talk different. That's the he said.

He grew up in the Dominican.

Yeah, he said, other farmers in the Dominican would talk about this.

I haven't met a lot of Dominican farmers.

I don't know a lot of Dominican farmers. What's their biggest resource? What do they export? It's the crib.

It's probably like a lot of sugarcane, right, That's what I would guess, But I don't know.

Okay, sugar gang is not say something.

Old baseball player alight, Oh my gosh, baseball players with fat old glasses.

I think he said you can use the spit as like he lied about that. He the the thing is is they put their penises really close to the goat's mouths or I can't imagine that they're going in the goat's mouse.

Because I've never owned a goat. No, I don't know how close you can get to a goat.

Yeah, I know that they eat through ship like they they people using the clear fields and ship like they just can.

That's what they do. Yeah, they just chomp through ships like that.

But their tongues are all like out and like wiggling.

So I mean they're devil. They're devil animals. Have you seen their eyes square? Yeah, nasty.

I don't think i've ever seen it them.

Close square pupils. It's fucked.

It's off the hard, look like rectangle, but it looks they look like demons.

It's my favorite thing that Tracy Morgan has ever said was that no God devilized.

No.

You understand why people thought like Bapha met or those demons like they were goat based is because yeah, that ship it looks like it's not supposed to be.

It's the most cursed looking eyeball.

I would say, I don't have a hairless cat, I know, yeah, why curious. Yeah, nobody likes it.

Something.

That guy we were with the other night, he was like, well, he was like, in Atlanta, that's a sign of wealth, and I was like, yeah, okay, yeah.

He really hits you with some Victorians.

Yeah, it is a I don't think it is a sign of wealth in Atlanta. I don't know if that's a compliment in Atlanta.

Some rich rich people in Atlanta. I think we all agreed that's true, some rich rich people.

Yeah, but they're doing it weird, weird about it, all right.

But.

I want you guys to tell me what you know about that. The other one, I don't know.

Anything about that.

Yeah, I don't really know. I've never never heard that. I've never heard that. I've never It certainly cannot work, and if it does work, shame on you for finding that out.

Yeah, if there was anything that worked, we all would have figured it out by right.

No one's keeping that secret. Goats are everywhere. Yeah, this isn't vibranium. This we're talking about, not just goats. If there was any animal product that made your dick bigger, yeah, any product. Sure. So, if there's some tree in the middle of the Amazon that sap is poisonous, but it makes your dick bigger, we would have found it.

Exactly.

Like it's like, there's there's nothing you just got what you got, ma, man, Yeah, that's okay.

No, there's surgery.

Yeah, there are surgeries and are they are they? What's the success rate on? Does it really?

Like?

I have no idea.

It was like a like a tissue situation, like you need to add tissue that would react to blood.

My understanding is the surgeries do work, I think the much in the way that like the leg lengthening surgeries are where like you can improve the size of your dick via surgery, but then you like lose functionality of your dig right you have to.

You've just spent three years learning how to stroke.

Against and probably didn't know to begin with.

You don't one of them just trying.

You can't do it, Like come on, man, come on, I can't.

I can't do this anymore. I can't found nothing. You stroke.

You're drunk. You're drunk, So.

What if I am.

I'm gonna say that all day.

Okay, here we go right next to Haiti. There is this thing that Haitian women have called morvan and basically it's the pussy sucking the dick when you're fucking it. Please let me know if you've heard about it. Love the show, y'all are crazy.

We're crazy, sure, don't talk to me like that.

So that's second one, though. I think different cultures call it different things.

Yeah, wait, wait, what was it it was?

You never heard that song twissy be yanking? Yeah, of course, yeah, I think that's what.

He's Oh, he's talking about grip.

Yeah, he's talking about Yeah, he's suggesting that in Haitian culture, they they've like, uh, they've called it or referred to it as like the pussy sucking the dick, the pussy is sucking the dick as it's you're inside of it, okay.

Right, But I think it's I think it's just I think it's a Yeah, that one, we're into the second one.

I think I think I would have been more comfortable with it if you wouldn't call in on so much nasty ship.

But I do want to hear the term.

He called it Coco Coco because Coco's funny to have in the front of that Never it is coco.

It's great because I'm not gonna lie. As soon as you said Haitian women, I was like, I'm gonna hate right. Yeah, I like Titaned. There was a Dominican dude with a wet goat dick talking about Haitian women.

It's got to go bad.

Yeah, that's really as good as I could have gone.

Yeah, that was pretty good. He just wanted to know about pussy called more.

There wasn't a z in there too. One more time. I think have called, and that's what I thought I heard, Mortisan, I'm hearing Moron. Hold On, I'm gonna I'm gonna google it. You google it. My phone's dead. Car be plaguing up my ship any more than it's already plugged up, kind of.

Like listen, those are yeah, yeah to all that.

I think that what you're talking about is a very regular thing that's not only specific to Haiti, although I'm sure they have it in abundance. Yeah, I don't think that's crazy.

Should open that before the thing, Okay, I think it is. I think it's Coco Mordan and it refers to two things. According to the AI overview, which I trust, is a term for an ancient tan trick technique of muscle contraction and relaxation kegels in the Dominican to achieve sexual pleasure and aid in childbirth. It is literally okay.

Also, you know what I like about that? I don't feel like there is as much talk about ancient sexual technique a lot of different It's like I feel like we hear about the common suture and that's it, and it's like all these places I'm sure have been doing.

I'll say this, and maybe this is a little bit of a nice full circle for this conversation. I do think, and I stand on this, that millennials are the smartest generation. I do not think we're the best at fucking I think that history would tell us that the people before us were fucking better, stronger, more vivacious than we will ever know.

I think it's because we're further away from being animals.

And they are, and I think we would do well to study them and learn how to get a little bit more of that animal, rather than to be to pretend is if we've got it all figured out.

I think we're fucking better than anybody below us, below.

Us, like generations, oh like gen Z and jen Alfa and all them when they come around. Yeah, yeah, you know.

What they are.

Though I don't know how old those kids are.

I think they're just there. You have to learn in their twenties, right, really, Yeah, yeah, I think they're smack dab in their twenties high end low.

I think that, but they just had they don't have porno exposure early, so it's like ed and stuff like that is a big problem, and they are.

Having statistically way less sex than we Yeah. Yeah, hm hmm, so yeah, we're the best. We're the best right now, all right.

I don't know, I'm fish enough to take it.

I don't know if I agree because I well actually started a podcast. I have a podcast called Jazz after Dark just for my Patreon because there's no safe space I feel like for to talk openly about intimacy. So I talk about sex, intimacy relationships sometimes, but it's mainly about a sex podcast. But I feel like our generation is so uptight, and I think it's maybe because our

Yeah, that's interesting because I feel I do feel like older people talked about it a lot less. I think they fucked more. I think there was just not as much talk around it, I think they which is a problem because then I think that that is what leads to like, I think they.

Just didn't lead with it the same way we do. I think they talked about it more more often than we realize, Like I think, like, I mean, what the fuck were the temptations singing about if not like sex in some version? They just they just weren't leading so intensely with the language of sex.

I mean there, I do think that there is a possibility of that, right that, like, there are always the because sex has been happening forever.

I don't think we just.

Now discovered a good way to do it, you know what I'm saying.

So I think it's I think maybe it just wasn't talked about, And I think it was talked about between like between people. I think it wasn't talked about like like you ever read like books from like dudes from the seventies, like like what's that Nathan mccallbook makes me want to holler. All them dudes did was sit around and talk about fucking.

That's what I mean. Teddy Pendergrass was the nastiest man on the planet, right, but he wasn't really saying nothing that nasty. You just knew, like when he was like turn off the lights, you then imagined all of what Teddy was about to do to this lady. And I think that's more what we're like. They did. They didn't lead with it the same way, but they were really getting it in before us.

Yeah, So I don't know if millennials are the best at that.

That's fair.

I think you're probably right. We don't. We don't win that championship.

I mean, but right now they're old, they're too old, that's true. Well, just but just by age, I think we got it.

Like, I don't know, I'll say this, I don't think you age out of it.

Well, what about is it?

Like like what's the next generation above us? Like Luke and like, uh you know next Yeah, don't you have like Luke and don't you have like Freakfest? And like yeah, I think I think maybe the generation that's a little bit older than us might be a little bit better.

You're saying our parents might be better. It hurts the personified.

I hated when you said that. I understand that.

I think, well, my parents are older, so it wouldn't be my parents because they're baby boomers. Okay, okay, so it'd be like our older siblings or something.

Okay, cool. I mean my mom's for sure, Oh okay, my mom.

Yeah, my mom's fifty eight.

Yeah, my mom's from thirty eight. My mom's fifty seven.

Yeah okay, so y'all my parents are sixty five.

Oh okay, yeah, so y'all's mama's well okay.

I like that. We had a nice time. We were having a good day to day you didn't have.

Y'all, Mama, y'all, mama, those girls.

We were being so kind. Jasmine, this was so fun. Could you tell the people where they can find you?

I had a blast.

Y'all can find me on Instagram or TikTok at ja z m y n j W also have a YouTube comedian Jasmine W. And I have a Patreon where I talk about sex and intimacy on a show called Jazz after Dark And uh yeah, so yeah that's where you can find me.

Hell yeah, hell what you got? Cool? Got joke City seven on Instagram? Oh players, fuck up? My special dozen't premiere September ninth. Premiere September twenty ninth on a eight hundred pound gorilla. But you still watch it?

You still playing September ninth for weeks?

Why are you doing that? Why are you doing this? Can I just get my shirt off September twenty nine hundred pound Gorilla's YouTube and I'll be posting about it.

Yeah. You can follow me at Langston Kerrman on all social media platforms. You can see me on tour right God damn now, it's the aspiring Deadbeat Tour. It is, it is happening, it is thriving. I'm in all kinds of cities. Langston Kremer dot com. To find out where I'm at and how you can attend, And as always, send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories. Tell us which generation was fucking the best? Send it all to my mama pot at gmail dot com. We would

Something's going on?

Can I smell? YOLG? My Mama told me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart podcasts.

Greet It and hosted by Langston Correctly.

Co hosted by David Bori.

Executive produced by will Fare, Narod Hansani and Olivia Aguilon.

Co produced by Bee Wayne.

Edited and engineered by Justin Kopfon, music by Nick Chambers, artwork by Dogon Kreega.

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