Hey, what the fuck is that portant? I think a perfect intro. Yeah, nailed our names, no missteps whatsoever. And that's the music they play every week for all the comedians. That wasn't race specific at all. Nope. All right, where did you get this? Let's get into it.
I'm excited this.
Don't fry in the kitchen, beans, don't burn on the grill. Took a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill. There it is, there, it is. Welcome to another phenomenal live episode of Mamma Told Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove that the sun spot on Rashid Wallace's head is not a birthmark. It's the white poison you put in his body.
Let's go.
Whatever the fuck you did to him, Portland is bleeding through his fucking scalp. I truly don't think he was supposed to be raggedy like that. No, Rashid Wallace was a good man and you broke him. He had to overcompensate for what he was and now he's beating up people in the in the fucking stands because of you. Through your bullshit. Also, Greg Odin, you had something to do with You had something to do it. You're the reason his legs are different lengths. Y'all did that? Those
were good boys before they met you. She used to look so tired. Man that that was a team. I will say Portland, obviously we're being silly.
That was a team.
I really fucking believed in right that that that Rashid Wallace Scottie Pippin' combo before we knew how bad that was. Scottie Pippen, he's a hero. He's never done anything questionable. Wait, what do you mean what happened to Scottie? He's doing great, he's nailing it. I got aware of what's happening with Scottie Pippen. You're reacting as if you're not totally tapped in. Damn. I hate working with white people.
Okay, that was supposed to be a home er.
Yeah, that's what I was feeling. I was like, you nailed that. Why aren't people's okay? How do we run down what do you call what's happening to him? Okay, scotty people. I don't know what cocked means, but I'd feel like somehow that is getting cooked. He's getting what's happening to him. He didn't volunteer. Well, he doesn't like it. He's going through a lot of bad haircuts as well. Yeah. So Scottie Pippen most famously on the bulls, the nineties
Championship bulls. Both of the three peats, right, both of the three peats. Uh, and and it'll taste more and then they got rid of him, send them here. Uh. Scottie Pippens since then has made it sort of became public knowledge that he made almost no money throughout his career, that he basically was working for free, much like we are tonight. Yeah, his entire career, he made no money. Then he marries Larsa Pippen.
Supposed to be the crown jewel, that's.
What we're talking about. Yes, Larsa Pippen then has an affair with the rapper Future, very public affair, so public in fact, that everybody knows about it while the affair is happening, including the Internet. It's not even like, oh, Scottie found out and they worked it out together. It's actively happening. They keep catching his wife with the Future Future literally your greatest fear. It's the one thing. You're like, we could survive anything. Just don't let her get caught
with future. Baby, we can get past your gambling day. Yeah, please don't fuck Future. I'm begging you Future. Then then her his ex wife starts fucking Jeffrey Jordan's Marcus Jordan, Michael Jordan's son who she used to babysit when he was a boy. Yeah, Scotty would drop his wife off for some reason at Michael Jordan's house. Another thing, you just can't do that, dude, don't do that, and trust me,
his haircuts have reflected his pain. He got the thin braids, the thin braids of a much younger man, right like, after a certain age, your braids can only be so thin. Yeah, you're not supposed to be able to see the wrinkles in your skelet between braids.
And he's got like bad no offense, light skinhead, which is not great. I know it, and I'm sorry, and I'll be honest. That to me felt a little. Scottie Pippens never been light skinned, do you not think so? No, Scottie Pipman and Will Smith are the same color.
The wow, which is because on my depth chart it's not that way. But you have to think I'm operating at a Wesley Snipe spot. Brother, So you understand that there is brother. You really tip a scale. Yeah, there's a there's a handicap on my part and I'm trying to get better about that. And that's really what this podcast is about, improving our relations and the possibly yours. We're so grateful that you all would come out to this, David and I. This is the last stop of the tour.
Yeah, we did.
We ended it all in Portanly, uh and it's been great. It's been a really fun tour. But we're really excited to be here with you. These these shows, we we like to make a very audience participatory. We really like to make sure that the audience gets to be a part of it, and so certain members of the I mean, but everybody can participate. But we'll tell you when that changes.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a few key spots where we're gonna ask a few of y'all to sit this one out.
Yeah, buy a few.
I mean, the vast for the book, the book this is I think we could say it is our whitest show, not like we saw Portland on the list and we were like that one's gonna go crazy. I assure you this could not be our blackest even if you tried, this wasn't gonna be it. And you came and you said, we're not even gonna work on it, And to that, I do appreciate that they're like, I.
Love it.
I love that you two said we don't need a black person here tonight. It's me and you, me and my baby boo. That's fucking cool. Okay, But in these local we start with the local one. We'd like to start with warm you up. We oh, that's and that's you're kind of falling off again. So throughout this tour he started pantomiming finger. We said, warm him up, and he was trying to finger like upside down, almost like like one would work on a on a Honda Civic,
sort of underneath the hood. But you ain't got to put your whole hand. Yeah, he's just feeling that's a little car. You ain't gotta do that much.
But then you've gotten better throughout the tour, and then now it feels like you've fallen off on your finger game.
I'm high. Yeah, you're also a father. You got other things to worry about.
Other other things to work. You can't just be my father this whole time.
That's fair, that's fair.
It hasn't corrected my behavior in any way, honestly made me worse.
Yeah, that's the problem thing.
I used to be a more decent man, and then I had kids and I was like, nah, I gotta say some nasty and they're not around. I gotta be nasty because they be around all the time. I gotta get it, you know what I mean. You ever met a dad who's just two into the party. Oh, yeah, that's where I'm at.
I just like he's always like as a single guy, I get a lot of that with my married friends.
How's the road you're beginning? Any pussy? You're like, bro, stop talking to me again. I gotta assume you get like two two three every weekend.
Yeah, it's like, no man, And that's how I count it as pussies.
This month. You're rubbing your head trying to figure out how you can fix this. We like to kick this off when we come to the load, to the the places we're at with the locals to warm you up, give you something you might be familiar with. Portland was tough for black conspiracy theories. I'll be honest, we've we haven't had any trouble finding something that felt specifically black and a lot of cities. Yeah, sometime people in arguing like, no, it's got to be this one. Yeah, you'd be surprised.
What's going on in Detroit. We we struggled, but we did land on something that I'm excited about it. I'm curious to know if you guys are aware of my mama told me about the Portland Boom. One guy, one guy, one dude in a backwoods hat knows about the Portland Boom. Care to enlighten us about the Portland and tell us why you have food under your mouth? No, it's not your fault. I engaged you as you took the biggest bite of a nacho I've ever seen in my life.
Don't play him out.
That's like a sampler platters right outside.
So apparently, much to that that explanation, Apparently there was a originally a boom many years ago in Camby, Oregon, uh that went off, and nobody had an explanation for what that boom was. And then that boom started to travel to more places and became the Portland Boom. This is a screenshot from a real website. I don't want y'all to think I made this myself. This is not my art. I got other shit going on. I feel like some of y'all really reactive. Like I wrote these words.
These are not my pros. A different man made this at portlandboom dot com. Now, what it says is that just after eight pm on Sunday, March twenty eight, twenty ten, a deafening boom was heard throughout Southeast Portland. The noise was loud enough to shake windows and set off car alarms in Southeast Portland and was heard as a far as far north as Vancouver and as far east as Happy Valley. And none of y'all know about it. But this dude, Yeah, where were you? Maybe this is a conspiracy?
How do only we know about it? In this guy, it's just us and Chicken Tenders and nobody else. Unfortunately, sir, that is your name. For the rest of the show, we will be checking back in on Chicken Tenders periodically. Now, what it did make me think of, Because naturally, I hate to break this to you, Portland boom dot com I'm almost certainly is run by a white person, I have no doubt. Yeah, it has to be. But what it did make me think of is a conspiracy. We've
talked about a little bit. I don't know that we've unpacked a ton about the the theory that police are the ones that set off the fireworks year round. We have heard that, which I think happens in every city.
I think so, I think so for sure that I'm on board with this one already. You like that, Yeah, tell me more just fucking police. Sure, And I think that the idea of being a chaos agent to adding to like impoverished neighborhood totally seems like things.
Yeah, just set off some firecrackers and drive off, and in theory it laming all the foreigners. Oh so you never Oh you guys have never heard white people talk about Latino neighborhoods. Oh yeah I was. I always pictured it as more homegrown Latinos than I did. Oh you didn't think we were importing firework users? No, I guess. And maybe this is just my This conversation feels complicated. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be careful.
Yeah.
I always thought that the people setting off the fireworks were like La natives more than like immigrant families who had just moved in. You feel attacked, oh because of LA don't say I feel attacked during a race conversation and then make it regional.
Yeah that was I don't give a fuck. I thought I was gonna have to apologize. That was much more egregious crime. And you're like, I don't like that. That was the part that made you uncomfortable. You shut the fuck up.
I don't want to hear another peep out of you. You insane. I ain't Mexican, he ain't Mexican. We're talking about our favorite Mexicans. God damn it. Oh man, so angry at her chicken fingers. I know you would never do that to me. He would You would never make me feel that way.
Don't sell her out fingers, chicky baby, This guy very talented.
You you really believe that the police would do this?
Yeah, it doesn't seem crazy.
How many of you guys believe that the police would do that? But yeah, round up applause. Yeah, it seems very plausible. It doesn't seem even crazy to me. It seems like something they would like to do. Like, oh shit, it's quitting time. You know what, we gotta go set off those fireworks. Yeah, and don't play softball or beat up our girlfriends or whatever they want. I'm sure they have other recreational activities, probably play poolers.
Yeah.
It also doesn't ever to me seem like it's mandated, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think that like the commissioner sits them down, is like our firework budget is going to waste this month?
Oh yeah, I.
Think that.
I feel like a lot of the bad police do what's not mandated. Yeah, you know what, I think that a lot of it's like it doesn't come down directly, but you hire the type of people who are you know what I mean. It's like his Boston tell him to hit that kid in the head, but like if nobody's.
Around, you know what I mean.
That's that's how I feel with that a lot of the time. Yeah, I think they probably just are passionate and they're like, I don't know, I got a few extra hundred bucks this month, I'm buy some fireworks. Oh you think that they're buying the fireworks to plant. I assumed they were seizing them from other minorities. And then Robin Peter too, Oh that's smart. Yeah, that makes way
more sense. Yeah, because then it's like we thought they were just really like cool guys who're like, I'm gonna buy some fireworks, I'll give a few to my kids, I'll set some off in the black neighborhoods. I don't know. Yeah, No, I think they just got him in the basement anyways. Oh that's fucking that. Damn.
Yeah, sometimes it's opening one gets dark.
Let me ask you this before we move off this opening. Okay, we are all it seems mostly in agreement that this is well within the potential of the police. My question, and Portland maybe is a great place to ask this question. Is there something we can do about it? Is there anything that can be done if it's just this understood thing that's happening, Is there any justice that can be
served on the back end of this? You want me to go against the Like, I'm not gonna go to war for it, right, there's other shit they're doing.
I'm more upset about it.
But like, do I think No, I don't think there's any fuck what do you think?
Well, no, I'm not gonna say yes. Now I'd look like an idiot. If we just come together, we can change this thing. No, I don't. I don't necessarily feel that way either. Nah, it's disappointing. I didn't have to take it darker.
No, that's okay. Let them sit in there. Yeah, there's the last show of the tour. Baby, I'm going home after this. Yeah, we don't know what I really back.
When we talked. We don't give a fuck anymore. We used to be right here, just hoping you guys are still paying attention. We like to play a lot of games on this tour is sort of the main thing that we do, and we have a couple of three really fun games with you guys. And this first game it's it's a new classic, Baby, we love it so much. It's an easy game called Hero or Hotel. That's right there we go. Did you make that graphic though? I did not know unfortunately. No, that's a pretty good one.
That's for those that are unaware. That's handsome squid word wearing a number of different types of kin take law, Yeah, Pan African guard by Yeah in there.
Yeah, you got my man.
Got a lot going on.
I like the classic kids cloth to the top one that's like traditional, right, it's much more.
That's the that's the that's the that's the rich word pattern and this is oops all Kent. There's been a doing big mistake at the Kitta factory, pulled the wrong nozzle. Now all the Kittays are mixed together, but for the same price. It was like one of those local commercials. Yeah, my mistake is you a gay? So come on down to the Kitta factory. I'm going nuts. Well, we should shoot that sketch. That's very funny.
We should found that business.
That's fucking funny. It's going as good as comedy. None of you devil's better steal the kid. I better not seen not nan one Kinta factory in Portland, Oregon.
That I would go crazy.
I would lose my shit. I would find some cops, take their fireworks.
And shoot them into all your windows, burn down the Kinta factory with your family inside. Yeah, and they never guess it's me because kind of the perfect crime. Burning down a white person's kn't take fat David, You're a genius.
Sometimes I'm upset that I'm saying things into a microphone. Fuck God, damn, that's funny. The way this game worked, we are going to present to volunteers, and we love to have volunteers. Michael, right, yeah, fuck yeah, Michael is gonna be walking around with a with a microphone to help uh manage this whole thing white slaves. Yeah, that's right, that's he works for us, and and and yes we yell at him sometimes, but that's the way it has
to be. It's a cultural exchange. He's Australia. Michael is going to walk around with a microphone for the volunteers so that you can talk. But but the way this game works, We're gonna present to you some some quotes, uh, and it is your job to decide if that quote is the words of a hero or a hotep. I don't know these either, so I'm playing with you. I don't know if you don't know what a hotep is, which so much white after when the game came out. Oh yes that game. Yes, it's the one I'm most
familiar with. Yeah, I can connect to this one right away. A hotep is a black person who believes that the black man is God, or as close to God as one can be on this celestial plane. And he he is very passionate about that, and I think also conspiracy minded for sure, conspiracy minded and not particularly interested in hearing what you ladies have to say about that. Not a lot of queen rhetoric coming from no the hoteps. Maybe maybe the black man is God and maybe you
shut the fuck up. Yeah, is sort of the energy that comes off of a hotep. I think that's all you really need to.
Know to be able to play this, to feel it out.
Yeah, okay, okay, so oh we need a volunteer to play. Yes, Oh, thank you, yes me go here we go. Please tell us your name?
Hi?
Hi, my name is a day okay, a day.
A day?
Okay, hell yeah, day, thank you for being here. Okay, your quote is okay, I do not support black lives matter. I'm not following one bitch, let alone three gay bitches nowhere.
And now.
There's a lot of trigger words in this for hotel pary very clearly. If you said you were offended by this, okay, okay, I'm listening you mad because I said La is complicated, she didn't know what was gonna happen, to be fair. Oh okay, how are we feeling hero or a hotel very clearly at very clearly a hotel for you, okay, I mean seeing a lot of nods, not every Okay, you I think it has to be a HOTEP.
It hits all of the benchmarks of Hotel.
Pery tell us what those are.
He hates women, Yeah, uh huh women, yeah huh. And honestly, I do think it is a black person who said this. Yeah, it's just there's something self hating.
It all interesting.
Okay.
I was gonna say it's also the typical HOTEP trope where he gets angrier after he talks about gay people. Yeah, but you know it's that it's usually on point with the rhetoric and then it's like.
Exactly that they just make me so mad. Okay, you're lacking in Hotep. You feel good today about about Hotel?
Is there some dissent at the.
Thinks it's Umar? I think it's someone worse than you.
Think it's worse.
I don't.
I don't feel like this feels zoomar to me. It feels like boozy whoa. Okay, Okay, I like that. No, I think that's a good answer. I think you're doing that's really I like that. The table's in on it. This is great. Just let's go lock in. What are you feeling?
I feel like it's not Umar because I don't he don't call women bitch. Yeah, it's not. I don't think he would. It feels like it feels like a like a more unco like a Charleston White era.
That's kind of where this feeling.
The answer is Charleston White. That hairline is nasty. Yo, he's got a seats her like a white dude. Why does he look like he's in a boy band? He said, give me that pangae.
That eight is crazy Lane's hairlines.
Yeah, Lane, rip Tory Lanes. We miss you, big dog, gone but not forgotten toy. Okay, thank you.
Yeah that was great.
What a very way to kick it off.
I don't love that.
I'm starting to feel out Charleston White quotes. Oh that seems like you could smell Charleston White. I knew it was.
I knew it.
Yeah, damn, that's bad. It's not a good side of the internet to be on.
Fuck.
Okay, we need another volunteer. We need somebody else. Now you know how to play the game. Well, there's one in the back, all the way back there. That's great. It's gonna take a while. So what y'all want to talk about? Anybody having a bad day?
Yeah, I'm going for everybody.
Maybe we could make fun of your families. No you, Oh, okay, you have a microphone. Hey, what's your name? My name is Davida.
I'm representing one of the few black people here today.
Fuck yeah, I knew it when you said da Vida. Yeah, but I'm glad that you were like, nah, this in case there are some white Davida's out here, I'm gonna make it clear that's cool. Portland's weird. So you know, you might have started as Erica and then became Davida and there's nobody to be like, hey stop, I do that. Okay, Davida, here we go. Your quote is referencing nine to eleven. Who gives a fuck about New York? When elephants are being killed, they are ignoring animals that are more important.
Animals need saving, and that's more important. This New York thing is being blown all out of portance. This has to be a white lady, so a white woman, which is complicated because of what you put the game into. It's a real binary game.
But yeah, well, Davido, what do you think? What do you feel?
Okay, first off, being set up with a nine to eleven reference, why do you have to do me like that?
But I honestly don't remember the order of these things. I'm so sorry.
I feel like I want to say it's Hero because you know, the heroes are going to be more celebrities, and I feel like celebrities care about animals a lot, So I feel like I'm gonna go with Hero very smart.
It's almost as if they've lost something inside of themselves only seem to relate to animals at this point because you've spun so far.
Out from who you were to begin with.
It's almost like the human experience is so foreign. It's easier to care about an elephant you've never met.
Next to Quincy Jones, what are you gonna talk about?
So you're saying Hero, Yes, okay, gonna need you to say those words out loud, big dog.
It's just tough it.
I Like I said, I hate the binary because I also have to say Hero because I've never heard hoteps talk about animals in this way. No, it's always like comparing groups to animals, sweep, you know what I mean. If they're beasts, that's like for they're less, Like who's killing all these elephans?
Yeah? So I guess I have to say hero as well.
Hero audience, how we feel you guys feeling hero?
Hero?
Okay, the answer is Lee Ryan. I don't know some white guy I thought he was important to YO. Sometimes I just fine weird dudes on the internet. Who is I don't know who he's like some like British dude. He was like an important dude over there for a little while. Y'all don't know nobody know him. All right, Well, fuck you right to me? Yeah, all right, shit, you don't care about nine to eleven? Fuck that guy. I'm concerned. I feel like he was in like one direction or something.
That direction is south. He's not doing so good.
All right, Well that sucked. That's not your fault. Vida, you did great. No, you just you were a strong showing. Do you have another volunteers? Somebody else wanna right there? And especially for white people, this is a safe game to play. The next one you can can't play it all. You can play this. This is fine. Maybe we should we should have said that white people, you're cool. Next game.
Chill.
Yeah, we might have to talk to Da Vido a few times tonight. Connie, thank you for being here.
Your quote being born was the most influential thing that's ever happened to me for myself, I'm.
Gonna say heroeself. Oh, I think that a lot of like hotep ideals come from like actually really low self esteem.
Why I like that.
I like that.
Yeah, you're saying you're saying that just the faith in self is inspirational enough and true enough in this person's statement that you believe it to be a hero.
Yeah. Someone who puts that much importance on the day they were born, I think they also have respect for their mother for themselves.
Oh oh wow, they're feeling it. Okay. See I feel opposite.
I feel like people who care too much about their birthday are like, shoot the fuck up, my many things a week?
Shut up. I don't give a fuck man.
But that being said, I do this isn't This doesn't seem like a HOTEP because hoteps, for as much bullshit as that are on, are often talking about unity and like less about like individualism like that.
Okay, So that so.
I think I think I gotta go hero So it sounds like two heroes, two heroes, no hoteps, the audience.
What are we feeling here? Are a hotel? Mostly hero I hear one Hotep in the corner. Okay, you think it's Kanye, I'm hearing a lot of which then makes y'all saying hero real confusing.
No, you know what this game is though.
Yeah, but Kanye is kind of hotel at this point. When did he say it?
That's true.
I don't know if you checked on him recently, but he don't see them kids too often. He's thinking other choices. He's got a new dentist, if you know what I mean. I get what you're saying, but I'm just saying that at this point in his journey, Kanye's whole position, even in the loving of Hitler, was rooted in him being like, they stole everything from us, the original Jews, black.
Right, which is a Hotep point.
That's a Whotep ideology if ever there was one. Like He's he's pretty deep in the ship and he also loves white women and that's hard.
No.
I I bet he struggles with that every day he wakes up and puts on his robot teeth and he I think, I think more to the point, Kanye is far more mentally ill than he is anything.
Definitely, which is not which has come up in this game a lot Actually.
I think, unfortunately, we should not even be judging him off of any of his choices. We should be helping him seek true treatment, and we won't do that. So yeah, uh that somebody said, I don't know, I don't know. He's fine. He looks all right to me. He's not hurting. In my book, he did it to himself, is what I say. The unfortunately, you're wrong about it. It's being Kanye West. It's not Kanye West. It's even funnier. It's Jaden Smith. Ain't that fun? This is why we played
this game. This is why it's important for him. That is true. I believe him like he feels that way for sure.
Yeah. I think it was the best thing that happened to him too.
Fuck man crazy. Okay, another volunteer. Somebody else raised their end. Oh hell yeah, right in this corner. Yeah, here we go. Sorry, Mike. Oh it's he got that grill in a rush.
Yeah, it's a little sturdy.
It's a little bigger than his teeth. Yeah, either got it in a rush or he said, hey, give me some chompers.
Yeah, I'm trying to bite this shit out of somebody with diamonds.
I'm gonna have a big steak tonight, and I don't want to cheot too many times. What's your name, man, Kelby? Kelby?
Yeah?
Fuck yeah Kelby. Okay, here we go. Here's your quote if white Americans, if white Americans were to leave the country tomorrow, in ten years of America would be a ghetto. You can see the truth of this when you look at many of our major cities that are run by black mayors, black dominated city council and black police chiefs. These cities are usual usually horrible places to live. Yet blacks who lived in black world cities can't see the truth.
Their own immortality or their own immorality is the cause of black poverty, crime, and family destruction. Clearly a hero, right, This guy's got some points. I like that you guys are reacting like that's not right. Hey, wait a minute, whose side are you on? I'm starting to think those aren't nice words, Kelby. What I have to volunteer for this one? Oh God damn it. Yeah, say whatever you need to say, Kelby to make this okay? All right? I grew up in north Portland in the late nineties.
I don't know what that means. That means David he's from a different time. Let him say it.
I know he was a north Side.
I was one of very few white people. Oh so I heard both heroes had hoteps, say almost the exactly. Yeah, that's the same thing. That's what's fascinating about this quote. Is it steeped in enough hatred. But it could be a hotel good, that's what hurts. Yeah, let's say hotel.
A hotel I'm getting. Can I just step up? I'm getting almost like a like a lord jamar.
Yeah you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying. It's it's it's it's got the genesi quah of of hatred. But I could fix this, right if only they would, right.
Like the next thing is like that's why we need to start our own currency or whatever.
Like there's like another turn after this.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how I feel, which is kind of makes me feel like.
It might be hotep. You're going hot I think I'm going hotep.
Kelvy key, we're missing the one sentence to plug crypto that would make it hotep. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Unfortunately it's not there. It's not there, So what are you gonna do? Key, I'm gonna say hotep. Okay, my teeth and say it.
Saying hero into that microphone would have been fucked. It's either a hotep or my dad and let me see. Okay, the answer is I'm hearing hotep from both of you, audience. Hotep. The answer is jesse Peterson. So not a Hotep, not a hero. Not a hero. You gotta put that hat back on, man, I would say, I would say one of the worst men. Yeah, he's up there like that, just that the Internet and life is sort of produced. I would say, Jesse Lee Peterson's pretty high up there.
He looks like such a villain without that cowboy hat. Oh he don't wear a cowboy hat. Oh, I'm thinking a sheriff. Yeah, who also has clarks.
Yeah, they have the same shitty go tee. Yeah, no hair in it or too much hair as Jesse Lee Peterson goes.
Uh.
He has like interview shows where he just basically says quotes.
Like, oh, like, yeah, I haven't seen that guy. Yeah, so hotel, no hero, super like Trump? So what's the answer to the question, Like sin.
That's not how I play the game. I know the Alex Trebek don't gotta say it out loud, even though he does sometimes. But that's his choice. That's his choice. He said Trump. I think that kind of lands on Hotep, doesn't it. No, he's he's Trump, like original recipe Trump. Oh shit, he's not like recent Oh we've come to see black people not a mono lith We can be whatever we want to be as soon as the federal law has changed. He's he's one like Nah I was.
I was with this ship from the beginning because he didn't like niggas. Ow. Yeah, how it sucks. It sucks bad man, But thank you for playing the game.
Yeah, that's a good job.
Fucking cool. I think there's one more.
Yeah, there's gotta be one more.
Okay, we need one more volunteer from the audience. No, yeah, oh that you are. Look you said, no one in any of your man turned on you immediately. What's your name?
Joe? Joe?
Fuck you? All right, Joe. I'm excited to see what's gonna happen. Yeah, man, I'm scared, but he'll be fine. Joe. Okay, here we go. Oh there's two more. My god, I'm Japanese and I didn't know it, but you think Joe.
I mean, uh, it doesn't seem like hateful enough to be at Okay, Okay, you're saying, hero, there's no hate in this.
This is a celebration of Japanese, of newly discussion. He's not angry about it. Wow, that's right. It was Wow. Damn. You should know. You should know that. The reason she said this is because her father was a businessman, and her father would regularly travel to Japan and spend a bunch of time in Japan, and she then did not go to Japan. She didn't, she never went to Japan, but felt a connectedness to Japan via her father's business work. He would like, bring nick knacks back and then she
felt like, oh shit, I have a connectedness. So he brought a Tokyo shot glass. Here's where this is where it gets even crazier. She does not go to Japan until like a month before she wrote, uh the fucking uh yeah, the Parajuku girls ship. She goes there, she hangs out with them and says this quote out loud, two, being like, holy shit, I like this so much. I'm Japanese, she said, I think I'm turning Japanese. B A N A N A S so congratulations. A good job, Joe,
Good job Joe. I think that was one more. I think I did them long. Okay, whatever, Okay, here we go. Last one. We need one more volunteer. They can be fun like Joe had it. Yeah, it could be a one. They're not always.
I feel like it's a setup.
Okay, yeah, no, it should be. Okay, here we go. Well.
Most viruses are created by the Food and Drug Administration, the Rockefeller World Population Council. Nearly every virus. Some of them are used for genocide, others are used to destabilize economies. I believe this coronavirus virus was dropped in China by the United States government to destabilize the Chinese economy. But because the Chinese people operate on the.
Art of war psychology, they will never go public and say America threw this over here. I think black people need to protect be protected period because everything coming at us, like the Chinese may have, UH may have to deal with the coronavirus. We gotta deal with the corona virus we got, we got, we got Shaniko virus they called zeca, we got AIDS virus. We got viruses all day long. I think it's I think this has to be hotep. Yeah,
we'll go with hotep. Yeah, you're going to a hotel. Yeah, no heroes amongst you.
No heroes in this village.
Anybody any any deniers of the coronavirus here this evening black RFK kind of it's doctor Umar Johnson.
All right.
I would more say RFK is the white hymn, but I recognize we come from different worlds. It's lenses, not necessarily facts.
Yeah, you fuck with him, That's not what I said. I said I went down a rabbit hole the other day. And he's got some points, because they all do before it starts doing rap. Can I say?
You know why I do funk with him is because he never takes the route of disparaging women, which in that space is almost unheard of. His main thing is is female empowerment in some kind of way, and in that way, I don't think he means it, and I don't think he's good at it, but I do think he's at least not taking the low road in his ship, which is like a.
Pretty good guard of me.
He don't never call women bitches. You don't never like you know what I mean. He's just like, Nah, women are queens. They should act right, But they're queens. And that's kind of as far as hoteps are concerned. Pretty true. Yeah, all right, Well that's the end of that game.
We have another game. This next one's gonna be great.
And it's gonna be black only. Yeah, and you'll see why almost immediately. This next game is called the Uncooning. Man, I've said it so many times as to her, you were going crazy with the raccoon photos. I don't know where you going to get these, And buddy, that's gonna be my secret. I ain't know there are tongues for that long. If you want some water and a jug,
you call a raccoon whiskers, get over here. Okay. The way this game works, this is a really fun game where we are going to ask you will rather present to you a famous coon, a person, a famous sellout in the black community, and you, specifically the black people in the audience. You are meant to give us an answer on how they can be uncoon. Right, how do we have an answer as well? Yes, that's that should be made clear from the beginning. We there is a
correct answer to each of these questions. It's open ended. You answer however you wish, but just know there is a correct answer and it's on you to land the correct answer if you are able. Okay, do that make sense?
Everyone?
Okay, all right, we need a volunteer. We need someone brave to step up and play the game. It's very fun, a little nerve racking. Oh oh, that's okay, that's okay, you sister, we're desperate. Let me say the quiet part. We're gonna need every one of you to step up. This is gonna be a test of the black community and what that really means to us. Yeah, shp, okay please.
Oh I gotta tell you you're Coon Hoodi from Hoody in the blow And yes we know his name isn't actually who he is, Darius, but he's hood he does.
Was it HOODI? Always a hoodie?
Yeah? Yeah, I think I think he needs to host like a free event in a park that turns into a protest, but also a lot of Megan song.
Oh okay, I like that, a little bit of a of a Trojan Horse, yeah, or showing up with some blowfish music turns into the Black Panthers.
Yes, yes, he had a panther in that.
Hoody. You're doing it wrong.
Man.
The horse has to be bigger than the people you put it in. Okay, that's a good answer. I like that answer. It's wrong, but it is a good answer.
Is a good answer.
The correct answer is retroactively retroactively at the word honky to all Hoody and the Blowfish songs. I only want to be with you honky. Let her cry honky, Yeah, hold my.
Hand, Yeah you get it.
Yeah.
That was a weird calling response. Only three y'all hate yourselves. The rest of y'all are proud white people. I like that calling myself a honky run this city.
That was one, Okay.
The other the other answer we would have taken is start telling people that Hoody is actually short for hoo. These white people with me all the time, I don't know them. I came here to make some good old fashioned nigga music and the Blowfish what they look like? Yeah, I don't know. My man in the back is really anchering me. He said, what's up, fam, Yeah, I know Hoody. Yeah, I'm here with Darius. You might know him as Hoody, but that's the money to me. All right, thank you,
that was so great. Thank you. Do you want to do the next one.
Yeah, one more here.
Oh okay, we're back. Hell yeah, we'll work our way backwards. We'll keep circling around. Yeah, okay, yes please, Oh I gotta tell you. Yeah, I'm drugs.
It's fine, me.
Too, all right, Fuck you're coomb? What's it? I feel like he was just doing I call it like I see it. Franklin ain't got no black friends, and he ain't brought it up once. He ain't been like Charlie. You ever noticed that I'm different than y'all? You know what I mean? He ain't got to make a big stink about it, but just address it, acknowledge it. Hey, stupid. You ever noticed he ain't talked to me the same way they talk to you when you're dressed like Joe cool.
I'm gonna give him grace because he was a child, Okay, probably didn't.
Know any better.
This man is eighty six years old. I mean data black woman, data black woman. Yeah, okay, that's a pretty good answer.
That is pretty good. Yeah it could have been mixed.
Okay, yeah, that's true.
The answer would stay the same.
Day a black woman. I like that. Okay, it not correct, and that's okay, that's all right, You tried your best correct answer. We were looking for make Charlie Brown and his little friends start calling him mister Franklin, like now a black man who drives a van and starts dang your mama. That's right, that's the only correct answer. Unfortunately, now that we also coming over, now you know you
can't touch that plate. That's mister Franklin. We we also would have accepted explain to Charlie Brown that Lucy's trickery with the football is actually reflective of a greater sickness than white women, and the only way for him to truly find happiness is to start dating outside of his race, which you got basically, She basically got it right. Yeah, but he still could day white women. Charlie got to fix it. Oh you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's how a lot of hoteps behave too. They could day white women. But y'all got to cut that right. Damn, damn, that whole thing was diabolical. Look at that look on her face Lucy was Do you do y'all feel Lucy was evil? Is that? Is that?
Just?
Yeah?
That was right?
That was the point. I wasn't sure if she because he was like a really Christian guy. Uh, Charlie Brown, Charles Schwartz, Schultze, Schultze. He was like, that was the whole it was built on, like these sort of weird Christian ideologies. So I never understood Lucy's function other than being like just an evil gal.
She's neglected at home.
Is that it isn't her brother there too? Is Linus her brother?
Her brother?
Yeah, okay, so they're like their parents work a lot. Oh and that's why he always has the blanket and he's sucking sucking his thumb. Yeah, he's always no piano. Dude is a different, good, different kid. Yeah, this is actually what the podcast is about. I know a lot of y'all are like, why are they doing this? Because this is what it's meant to be.
This is what we do.
We get to the bottom of. Yeah, we really dig in. Schroeder plays a piano, Linus has the blanket, sucks his thumb, and believes in the Great Pumpkin Big Man. His parents also is in a bad way. Pig Pen is six weeks away from Juvie is you know he smokes cigarettes. Fuck man, all right, that's going, thank you. Who's next? Who wants to volunteer, Davida, where are you at? Oh we got a new hand, thank god, thank you for stepping up. My brother or sister, I can't tell from this.
It's a brother, thank god, because if I was wrong, that was really gonna.
Bake with each other now more than ever.
Yeah, tell me, Okay, here we go, EMMANUELO. I feel like this ain't gonna work for y'all. Do you guys know Immanuacho? He's like the color commentator.
Yeah he does.
Yeah, I don't know too much about it. Does Fox Sports one? Yeah?
He has.
He has a show more specifically where he sits down with a successful white person and it's it's called Uncomfortable Conversations with Emmanuel Acho.
He does it with that haircut with the lines, with the lines in the side, which is always evil.
Yeah, never a good guy. All right, Well, we're gonna leave him on an island with Umar for a week. Yeah, we're gonna see if he still has those same views. Like Man, I like this because it's trusted Umar as well. He was like, Umar is not the hero that we want, but he might be the hero that we need in this. Yeah, the show always ends up like that.
That's what we always figure out by.
The end's got some ship. I wonder how many views umar owes us.
Y'are clearly dozens.
Yeah, you guys should get him on the podcast. We tried. He wants money that we don't have, because if I had it in the budget, he would have it would have he'd have been here for this live. We truly I'd make him our third host if yeah, if we could just kick him down. He we emailed doctor Umar to say, hey, we're big fans. We would love for you to do our podcast. This is recently to reason
this a week ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very recently. He responded by saying, absolutely, It'll be five thousand dollars for my appearance in person, three thousand if you want me on zoom steal, he said. He said, I also require airfare and housing. Uh when I come and there's no way we get to fly Doctor Umar cheap it.
No, he has to be for housing.
Wouldn't it be fun if he stayed in your adu with me and we all had like a sleepover. That's cool, just like your wife makes it some pizza rolls. I would just figure it out, honestly, like that too, because then he doesn't get to come in my house and meet my children.
No, yeah, you can't.
You know what I mean. It's just straight to the adu your father.
First, we put on.
Matching pajamas and we get to work. Man, damn. So was that right? A week with a week with doctor Umara on a private island, would would do it for you?
Yeah? I think so?
Okay, I like that.
That's an uncomfortable conversation.
Epstein of the mind, right, that's what that is. Right, you went in one way, he's gonna come out another. That's what Epstein did. No, you did it, Yeah, you did it all right, Okay. Unfortunately that's not the right answer.
Is that.
The right answer is make him donate all the material from his skinny suits to bow Wows Do Rag Company. Yeah. I think that's a great I think that's nice. That's really supporting the community. And then the alternative would have been selling back into slavery. That's his that's his talk show.
From the looks of it, he's already there, man, sh.
And for those of you that notice, he is talking to Roger Goodell. He's sitting down with the NFL commissioner for some uncomfortable talks. Betty ain't gonna bring up nothing that's hap to those poor boys, those poor brain damaged boys, those shaky, shaky boys. All Right, that was fun. I don't know.
Yeah, I had a good time.
Okay, who's next? Who wants to play the next round? Pretty god? You passed that mic to that lady? I told to shut the fuck up.
Yeah?
Please?
Do you want to do?
You want to play? Yeah? Hell? Yeah, thank you. I was just joking. I can't believe you took me seriously. I mean, you're looking at me, so I have to do it? Yeah, okay, okay, it's so exciting.
All right.
What's your name?
Alicia?
Alicia? Okay, here we go. You're cone Cleveland Brown. Y'all? Did me dirty? Okay? How are you feeling? What's the best approach for for Cleveland to get out of Conan? I mean, I'm still on this island. Vibe with Bryce?
Okay, drop them on an island with just a town of black women.
Okay.
I was gonna say, because doctor Rumark can't solve all our problems, but.
I mean maybe some black women with Cleveland Brown could solve some problems.
Just say, black women with solve Cleveland's problem? Now will remind you Cleveland had black wives. Black wives, because remember in the in family guy he had a black wife and then divorced her, moved across, and then started a new family with a thicker lady. Cleveland's not that bad guys, pretty good guy. Yeah, he took he took in her bad ass kids and is like raising them and ship. Yeah, that's mister Cleveland. So I don't know that dropping him.
Dropping him with black women isn't necessarily the solution. But I mean, will white women work?
I don't get that wasn't the solution.
What with the black women? If you're asking, no, that won't work. Yeah, but I think that's a fair Maybe more black women will help push him.
Over the edge.
It's it's not correct, but it is. No, it's not correct. What is correct is actually, uh call.
Chris Hansen on Quagmire and finally get that monster off the streets.
Uh.
And that's the real way to protect black women is uh, just get him out of here, lock him up. We also would have accepted invite the Freeman's from the book from the Boon Dots over to the Griffin's house for Thanksgiving and force a hostile black takeover the whole show.
We got much more aggressive.
The animation looks a lot of shadow.
All right, I think there's one more.
I think we got one more.
One more, Okay, we need one more volunteer for this game, and then white people, you'll be free to participate again, I assure you. Okay, Hell yeah, here we go. Brother with the headphones, Hey, what's your name? I'm Brooke. Say it again, Brook brook Fu Yeah, all right, Brooke, you're cool. He's my favorite one. For those listening at home, it's the butler from Lee Daniels. The Butler.
All right, I haven't seen the Butler, so I'm just going off of this image.
I think it tells you everything you need. Ah man.
Cet, a phone, a friend. Yeah, that's okay. You're dealing with a lot of hatred in your heart right now. I understand, pure folks, all kinds of It's just his expression.
He's like he looks enamored with someone who probably shouldn't be.
Come on, you know you hate it?
Yeah, just like yeah, I just just leave the situation, get out of there, just throw his other suit down and walk out of the Rob the Family, Rob the Family, Okay, Rob the White house.
Oh wait, hold on, whoa wait?
I mean like, yeah, let me remind you the butler is about the butler to the President. I haven't. I don't know that he's gonna get away with this one.
He's just gonna be like like a tycoon, millionaire or something.
No, no, no, it is the United State. It's like eight of them. Yeah, not the ones you like. Yeah, okay, so rob because like Grover Cleveland or some ship on him and his family and everything.
Yeah, okay, maybe.
Poison the press. It turns out that's actually a good answer. We don't know because we never watched this piece of ship movie.
Honestly, looking at you sideways if you did, unless you watch it with your grammar or someone like that, because you know, if you respect for.
We have no idea. So yeah, just like drop a little something in this morning.
Now.
That's ghost dog to me. I don't Yeah, that's all he ever will be. That's the last king of Scotland. Come on, that ain't no butler. Don't look like no, that's a ring game. Panic room, motherfucker. They gave him braids for some reason.
What are you in radio?
No? I don't think so. No, not as not as radio. Oh maybe he was in there. I never watched radio either. Oh man, we gotta get that on the plane. Yeah, maybe we gotta watch radio.
Fuck.
Is there another answer to this one? I don't think there is. Okay, Oh, this is what I wanted to show you, is that this Look oh.
There is another answer.
No. Look look at the cast of the Butler. Look how many fucking famous people they got to participate in.
David Banner. That's crazy.
It's John c That's what's crazy. It goes John Cuza, David o' yellow, o Oprah Winfrey, Cuba Gooden, James Marsden, y'all got da Costa, and then David Banner. That's the craziest one. That's That's where it gets crazier. Is that somehow Martin Luther King is in it? And also Red Fox, Gladys Knight. That is crazy, dog, Lenny Kravitz, Leave Schreiber, Mariah Carey.
I thought there would be at least one smell att in here. That's for you black people.
Fuck and Robin Williams, my hero, Terrence Howard. Yeah, he's got everybody. Yeah.
I did a good job.
Yep. So we'll never be free because we'll all sign up for this forever. Man, I think that was the end of the game. I'm pretty sure. No, we have one more Jesse. Smilett who wants to do Jesse? I should have known there was no X who wants to play Jesse. Jesse seems easier. He seems like you could save him fast. No, everybody's scared of Jesse. Okay, well, okay, yeah,
we can do You're wrong. The answer was write a one man musical called the Gay Tupac and donate the proceeds to some lgbtq A plus causes.
We don't know what they are because we not gay, but we know they have some.
We know that out there.
Man, that Gay Tupac thing was the funniest thing. You guys know that.
Yell he yelled, He yelled, I'm the gay Tupac. He yelled at why because he pretended to be robbed and nobody believed him. Oh yeah, it was.
It was a tough day.
It was a tough day. The other answer we would have taken is, uh, make him a star on make him a star on perpetual seasons of ninety day fiance until every member of them buff Nigerian Brothers family get a visa. Yeah, that's pretty nice.
Yeah, above as hell above, gotta be one hundred more and them back then.
Yeah, to doing push ups, waiting to get to America for opportunities, which we have. Sure, we've got a lot of them. All right, that's the end of that game. That's the whole thing. Yeah, that's a good one. We have one more game and it is back open to white people, and we're gonna need y'all to really step it up with participation. We can't end this bad Boy with you guys uh not wanting to try right at the right at.
The final push. Yeah, here we go.
Everybody, come together for our favorite game on the tour. It's a game called Quid pro quo.
Ho, come on, you did that one?
No?
Really, that's a stock image.
I found that. That's crazy. There's a lot of levels to that. You're not a you're not an anime guy, No, but are you? Are you familiar with the fact that this care character Freeze is famously purposely no, famously racist?
Oh no, no, no, no.
He So there are there are these aliens in the show called Sayings. That's what Go only refers to them as monkeys. They come from a planet of monkeys. Everybody is don't they turn into monkeys? Monkeys? But he's said, didn't feel great. He says it in a way where he's like, you'll always be monkeys, right, even when you've turned back. You're fucking animals to me. He's just his whole thing is genocide, and specifically he hates those monkeys
because they they're the only ones that can beat him up. Right, yeah, monkey strong, I would say, Okay, the way this game works, we're gonna introduce to you a beautiful possibility for the world, something you might love to see happen in the world. But with each those possibilities comes a nasty condition that you may be too much of a cost, right, Yeah, So your job is to decide if that condition is worth a squeeze. It's really trying to see how much
of a hero you really are. Yeah, that's yeah, that's the essence. Yeah, yeah, really challenging your spirit. Okay, here we go. We need a volunteer for the first one. Okay, fuck yeah, right here he thanks, dog. Tell us your name Elo, Hell yeah, alright e Lo. Your condition is or your possibility?
We completely liberate black men from our deep rooted social and cultural feel fears around homosexuality. But you find out that once a week and Daddy plays naked basketball with Jamie Fox.
God did call Anthony Towns. That is for those that are wondering he did this for that Sports Illustrated nude. Shoot.
Oh the body is.
The body issue. But he shouldn't have done that, you know.
You know, it feels like a shock to the system to learn something about this, like your father, you know. Yeah, but I feel like with the reconciliation of our homophobia, we would be able to live with it.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't even like my dad. Easy, you wouldn't have any problem with this. What is it different than I know that he does. Now, I don't give a ship. Now you're closer to your dad. How would you feel about this? I'd be I'd be disappointed that it took this long for me to know that, Yeah, that he slept on he's he didn't. He didn't let you know. That is crazy. I feel like, Dad, how'd you do what you do today? He was like, oh, man,
Jamie Fox crossed me up. Yeah, like, you know what I believe in, you know what I am? And he knows how much you love Jamie Foxx. Come on, man, Yeah, that would be crazy. I'm not even gonna talk about that special.
Me either.
I'm a big fan. I'd be disappointing my dad for for keeping that from me. But ultimately, I do think I'm with you. I think us bring ourselves from the fucking deep rooted homophobia that lives in our community would be so big for us.
Yeah, we could all take pictures like that.
Yeah, imagine if we got to see Kat like this, then we just went that's beautiful.
Yeah, it was just like, oh, he's funny, a cool.
Guy, what a god what a god like physique. But that's not how I feel, you know what I mean. In the back of my mind, my first thought isn't that and that some deep rooted ship that Yeah, that's.
A problem, But like it's a smirk too.
Got you did a good job. Yeah that's a good one. Thanks he love. Oh, thank god, the lady in the Christmas sweater, Thank goodness. Okay, Izzy, thank you for me? Here is he? Here we go.
Tesla is fully taken away from Elon Musk after the Trump administration accidentally passes reparations.
But pretty good but soldier Boy makes a knockoff version of cyber trucks that kill a lot of people. A lot of people, Like a fuck ton of people are dying because if you squinch your eyes, it does look as good as a real thing.
We got cyber truck at home.
Okay, so we.
Get reparations, but we also get cyber trucks.
Kill a lot of people. That's right, and I wouldn't call this a cyber truck, but there are also people who were willing to buy a cyber truck from Soldier Boy. Yeah, thumbs up with this. Yeah, okay, just remember that it's not the cyber truck isn't just killing the driver. The cyber trucks mowing through roads.
It's because it's like a death.
Road.
Now, Okay, oh that's a good caveat. Like I didn't make that caveat, but I like that you inserted it for yourself. You're like, no, this is the way it is, and I don't mind that. You're you made a bold choice and I respect your Yeah. Yeah, same amount of cyber trucks. They grow every day. I see more of them every fucking day.
It makes me real nervous, going crazy. They got wraps they're wrapping them because that's what you want to see.
You you know what.
It's nasty.
It's like a computer mouse. I hate it, like aesthetically, it's like he's mocking us.
You like the Soldier boys. He's not working. It's killing people. He's working into soldier point fashion. And you gotta know he's going to jail for this. He's not staying free. He's got he's killed millions.
It's millions.
The number put no no, but but it's it's a it's a scary amount. Okay, it's too many. It's more more more than any too many.
You remember when COVID was was small enough where we were like tracking the numbers. Yeah, we thought we couldn't's like for that week. Yeah, it's like ticking up like that. We're like, hey, it started at twelve and now it's at fifty thousand. I don't like that, right?
Is it more than what the car company would consider negligent, like too negligible to do a recall?
Ma'am. I think you have to understand he is the car company. It's just soldier boy.
Tell him what company his best friend's name.
And I'm not saying this to be bigoted, was a rab He shouted him out on every song.
I and a lot of songs about him.
You're playing this game wrong, Yeah, you can't. That's not how it works. This isn't a learned decision.
No, this is from the heart.
This is a gut check and an apology afterwards. You're taking it. You're worth it, it's worth it to you. What are you doing? I just don't trust his technology like that.
I can't do it.
Damn. So there is reparations and Elon Musk specifically loses all of Tesla. What kind of reparations? Again? Again, you guys, I think are digging further than Yeah. I think you're not focusing on the right parts of this now. Are we talking to straight forty acres and a mule? Are we converting that to twenty forty four? Because I think that's gonna make a big difference for me, a man from Oregon. I think, what are you doing? Personally? I don't know that this is worth it? I think I know,
I know it sucks. I do. Elon is fucking vile, He's the worst. But I don't know that that by taking down one billionaire, almost trillionaire, we fix the system, right, I don't know that that's I think that is truly just aiming at our enemies, aiming at our preferences and shit. And the truth is there are a number of other billionaires that will happily take his spot as soon as capitalism steps aside and lets them jump. So now it's not worth it for a bunch of dead people.
No, yeah, another bleak one.
Hey, hey, and there won't be any more deep stuff tonight. That's about all you get out of me, all right, we need another volunteer. Oh hell yeah, Oh you already got it. Fuck yeah, that's dope. You're on your game, my man. Hey, you'll get your freedom soon. Enough reparations for you. Somebody sleeping in the big house tonight. We should have got a white slagh from the first I see what y'all like. It was, It is intoxicated, Like they're not bad guys. Make a statue, we're kind of
like friends. Okay, here we go, white people fully.
Strand themselves on Mars, leaving black and brown people to completely reimagine human existence on this planet.
But but.
Your girl admits that the best sex she's ever had was with Neil de grass Tyson.
Do it take him to Mars? Is that do it?
Yeah?
They? Okay? I love the guy too, Neil de grass Tyson. Fuck. Oh you must not know everything about Neil de grass Oh man, I'm sorry to break it to you this way so publicly. He's a whole sex pest man.
Yeah.
Man, Yeah, that's why he's not on TV anymore because he's like a real, real problem for a lot of women. And your girls on board, really and he banged your girl out? Okay, okay, okay, listen, he got in them guts. But he says it like he says it. You're gonna have to see I got it all the guts. Will it be like that I inserted in her innerds?
Will it be like that Gillian Bill show when he comes back with you with his saying things like in the universe?
Yeah like that? Yeah, no, the same guy. No, just take him. You'll still take it? Yes, this is worth it. It will be interesting to see what happens. Who fuck yeah, I mean I'll take it, okay, but can I do something? What will you do? Oh? No, I good, call my god.
I wouldn't want to be there for that conversation, but I do it for for the very cause.
Wow, there we believe in this place.
Here's my issue with this, go ahead, Here's my issue with this is like, as this works, this is the bad real estate.
Mars is the good real estate? Right.
I don't know, and I've I want to say this because I know for a long time that was the active theory. Right, is that white people, specifically the rich, are are building these uh in theory of states on other planets to be able to escape and leave us with dwindling resource that the planet is dying in a way that we're never going to be able to rehabilitate,
and they're going to escape to other places. Here's the problem with that theory is that currently, and I learned this not too long ago, currently, people can't even be in space for that long without like major major issues happening to their bodies.
So it's a death sentence.
Yeah, like truly, like bone density goes away.
This is crazy question.
You're definitely like, yeah, you're definitely make an me. You're like giving me more. No, listen, I get come on, man, let me be clear. Let me be clear. I get why it's good for me. I mean it's good for me for the white people that are like, do it.
Yeah, that's crazy.
You gotta learn to love yourself. I like that you like what we're doing, but don't be that way. Don't send yourself to Mars the crumble.
Also, it doesn't feel like uh, I don't know. They just get to blast out to space. I want there to be a reckoning stand stand trial for your crimes.
But you said they're gonna be up there with chalky bones, being like we really did a young we really did it. Fuck the billionaires. Oh the bunker. Oh I thought it implied that they leave too.
They're all leaving.
Yeah, it wasn't like, Oh, if you got a bunker, you get to stay, he tricked me. Yeah, the Clinton's gotta go to.
All right.
I personally it seems worth it to me. I would divorce my wife. Oh that's an option. I wouldn't. I can't stay with her. I mean, she not to need talking to you. How often is your wife talking to you about the best sex she's ever had? It hasn't come up yet.
Thank you?
Come on, baby, wouldn't mind hearing it?
What a mummed me out? That's all right, good father, you're a good man. Yeah, you're a good man. Good dad.
Good.
So I mean, okay, we need another volunteer. Okay, hell yeah, thank you? All right, how are we going to do this? All right, he's coming, He's coming.
So are you.
Enjoying the show, having a good time?
Okay? Thank god?
All right, all right your scenario here we go. We finally untether black people from the insurmountable tyranny of Christianity. Swallowing Yeah, boy, hell yeah. You guys know who that is? If you know, shout it out.
Yeah.
Have you ever been swallowed? Swallowed? One? Two? Three?
People?
Come on, you know who? Ddjkes is one of the most famous. Uh, I would say evangelists. Yeah, televangelist is a polite word. But we finally don't tell other black people from the insurmountable tyranny of Christianity. But and Louis and Louis prayers every night.
You have to stand in front of a mirror and say candy man five times, no more praying.
Gotta say candy man. And that does include white people. Everybody's gotta say candy man. Is that my fate? The picture there, It's up to you to roll the dice. That is I will say that is what happens if Candy Man shows up. Now, do you believe in Candy Man more or less than you believe in Christianity?
Way more, way more than Christianity.
But imagine what what what the reduction of Christianity in the American culture would do? It would it would hugely impact us in a really I would argue healthy way.
Yeah, I think it's it's.
Yeah, I think we gotta we gotta let Jesus go.
Whoa, I'm with my man.
That's to get him out of there.
And the test that we have a mirror up here. We're gonna ask you, have you ever said Candy Man? Five times? I have to uh scared the fun out of me alone. I was in my friend gabees. It was me, Gabe, my friend Michael. I think our friend Cal Gay a different Gabe was there. We were all hanging out. I just wanted to set the scene. You know, it's a party when Cal's there. How old were we we were probably we were all hanging out third or fourth grade. Yeah, we were. That's the scary that's the
bravest age you could have done it. Yeah, it was somewhere between third and sixth grade, I would say, And we all went in his basement bathroom and said candy Man individually, and then we would take terms holding the door shut. But we didn't do it every time, so you didn't know if you were gonna be like trapped or not. And that made it scarier, you know what I mean? It was real vile shit. Yeah, and that's how you become a man, as far as I can tell you now, good father.
Yeah, can I can I answer a question real quick?
Yeah?
Do they go to another organized religion or are they just like free from religion?
I think they're free from religion.
Yeah. I think this is more about independence than it is hopping to the next good thing. Oh that was you all right now? Fucking awesome vibe?
Yeah yeah, Jesus definitely there.
But then yeah, all right, I'm with the same thing.
Yeah, I'll say, candy Man, Yeah, that ship's doing. I survived. Please don't hold the doors shut, you know what I mean?
I make no promises.
Yeah, audience, what are you saying? What do you what would you guys do? Candy Man, candy Man, Yeah, Christianity sucks, it's really up. Yeah all right, we need we need another volunteer, okay, hell yeah, right, there, thank you.
He's got Michael.
No, that's not all right, is it? Yeah? That's no, that's a different I told you. Oh damn, that's not one of your.
Wishful thinking.
What's your name? Michael, Michael traditional? Okay, Michael, here you go.
We finally destigmatized sex work, and as a result, we see a dramatic dropping violent crimes across the world.
But I picked the Usher.
I don't like you sure right now?
Like just on paper Usher ship. Yeah, he's a cool ass whole I'm top tier. There's all these videos now of Usher at his recent concert, just walking around the fucking arena with cherry.
Yeah, giving them cherries to lick on, making women lick them like ball bro my girls here, what are you doing?
You can't do that?
And they're looking this out of the fuck.
Out of people's mothers and grandmothers. That's what they signed up for. Have you all seen the video? This is my favorite one. There's a video of the security guard see watching it happen, and he's disgusted. He literally can't even contain himself. He's wincing at the sight, he's hating, he can he's holding back vomit in his mouth at the sight of what Usher's doing. And then they cut down the Usher and Usher's horny as hell. That nigga is rocking up. Every other man in the arena is like,
this is violent. Usher's just like that's fuck whoa. That's how deep he's gone. That's what it takes to get him to go again. I gotta see you gotta see a woman lick, produce and in front of twenty thousand other people to get off. That's he's a prisoner, really, that's what. That's why I'll say this. That's why I don't like when people call Usher gay. I don't think
ushers gay at all. I think he's fucked men for sure, but I don't think that it has ever been on some like, oh this is my preference ship or this is who I am. It's truly for sports. Oh, I think it's anything that comes across his place. It's just I penetration. I'll do it. I don't give a fuck. That's kind of beautiful. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, like this suit. That's what finally made suit.
It's Taylor.
Okay, we're crazy to have ones in there. We did, but you're Usher, we know.
You got it.
No, that's that's because he's for the people. Okay, he's like anybody. He wanted his suit made of money to be relatable to the common man. He's like, I'm a man of the money people. Okay, there is oh it is usher bucks ushers. He made one, hundreds and ones in his own money. Again, he wanted everybody to party. Right, how bad would you feel if you got an usher buck one instead of all.
It's not even real money. You gave me a one.
Okay, we distigmatized the sex work, but you have to let Lizzo sexually harass you whenever she wants the way that she likes, not the way that you like. Allegedly.
Ooh, I would like to say first off that my wife saw uh usher in Las Veg. Guess oh, and you guys right to me right now. She's allergic to cherries though, right.
With all her girls too. She she went, oh, it's smaller than regular bills. I've been as well. I like the cherries, and yeah it's it's it's small currency, but it is plentiful, Like.
I don't even get to have like a full night sleep.
This is like whenever she wants three a m for.
I'm waking up tired because Liz.
I don't think Lizzo respects traditional hours.
No, she's on Lizzo time. Yeah, LT, I like that. There's et.
Empty P, T and L and you want to stay away from LT. I'll take one for the team. You're going to take the LT, I'll take I'll take one for the team.
WHOA like that?
Yeah? I would too. I think I could get used to what Lizzo got going on. I don't think.
I don't think it would go so crazy that I couldn't handle it for the better man. Does everybody in the world know that's why she's doing that to me?
Or are they?
Like it's hand small? He was wearing those shorts, Like is everybody against me? That's a great question. Yeah, I think everybody thinks you're a whore. I don't think you get to be a hero in this. But but she has to come to my house? Does that make sense?
Like, I'm not going out of my way to go get it.
Give you that. Lizo shows up, she rings the bell. But you don't get to be like not tonight, Lizo. I'm like, oh, we were going to the Dutch strip club or whatever.
You gotta go.
If she comes, she bringing a f that's right, that's right, bringing the fluke.
I like that.
You read the actual documents. She brought the flute.
I I think I could do it. I think I could get I think I could get her on that. Take this, I take this l for sure. Yeah, that's a that's a tough one though. Yea, all right, all right, that's good.
That's it.
That's the whole game. We like to We like to end all of our shows and and this show is no exception. We like to open the floor for anybody who might have questions, concerns, critique of the We don't want your critique, but no, but if you have any questions, if there's been any lingering conspiracies for you, raise your hand, and if not, we'll get the fuck out of here and we'll be out in the front to shake hands and high five this baby if you got them, if
you got one over here, Michael, no, oh, one more. Okay, that's that was an aggressive hand, Thanks god, No, it's good.
It's cool. Man.
A big fan listen twice a week, you know, big fan of the sound bites as well. I wanted to ask, what are each of your favorite sound drops bites. Oh, I know there's a big selection.
Oh man favorite Oh I mean Michael Jackson, Doodoo Feces. There's pretty huge for me. There's a pretty vast archive that we don't often get to use because of this new program. Yeah, yeah, we're like we have other ones that were sitting but I used we used to have r Kelly singing. Do you have your passports?
Yeah, that's good.
Did you get your shots? Do you want to come back with rob to.
Yeah, that's good.
Merka, which to me is a reason to free him. It's a vast body of work. It's real hard to lock that up. It feels like we're missing a lot of our potential out in the world to lock that man in jail. But I understand what he did is wrong. That's how we're going to end the horse tour. That Yeah, that's perfect. Hey, thank y'all for coming out.
Thank you so much.
That's so cool.
What a great weight in.
Listen if you want to take pictures, if you want to just say hi, we'll be out in the front. We'll shake hands and all that. Yeah, and there's merch for sale if you're into that. And if not, I don't Know Bye Bitch. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Greeted and hosted by Langston Krek, co hosted by David Bori.
Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Olivia Akilon. Co produced by Bee Wayne, edited and engineered by Justin Koff, music by Nick Chambers.
Artwork by dogon Ka.
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