Stand Behind Your Man (with Jessica Clemons)

I don't give a sheet. I can't welcome to my told me the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and we worked to prove that Mark Morrison's nineteen nineties six hidden Return of the Max was in fact financed by Big McDonald's Follow the Money, Brother. You're thinking you think a British man wrote that with no help from the good Night Oh Ship. Come on, yeah, Grimace in the booth, Grimace, Grimace made it.

What would what would Grimace's drop? Grimaces drop something about a big booty girl. He's sitting on something, you know what I mean? Grimmace thick so whatever, thick purple made it. Oh, I love that thick purple. And then because I never believed that that guy wrote that song. It just didn't feel correct. Yeah, Mark, he's an interesting dude. He's like done jail time and ship. He's he's He's not surprised me.

If you were like the guy who wrote Return of the Mac, it's been locked up, I'd be like, that's where he wrote it. The guy that wrote Return of the Mac didn't stay free the whole time. Crazy man that Return of the Mac paid all the Texas insane. I'm your host and one of your hosts, David Boy, I'm legs than Kerman and and goddamn. We were coming in hot per usual, but but our guest today this is exciting. She she's very hilarious, so talented. She she didn't come in hot. She came in very polite. I

think I'd say she came in reasonable. Maybe she's gonna get unreasonable and in that way that would make the show very exciting. I'd say if she comes in how she comes in and says some real wild ship. Before she even says hello to us, she says something haunting that that's really gonna set the tone for the rest of this step coming and can't read oh ship, and it's like, god damn Jessica, and we didn't even introduce you.

But she's amazing. She's a writer, she's she's a comedian and improv person, but you know her specifically as one of the host and writer for New Rock Stars. Give it up for Jessica Clemenay. So, first of all, I was about to come in about the Hamburgler because you guys were like, Grimace drops, and I was like, no, but the Hamburger definitely drop because he's been to prison a couple of times. He steals. Also, side note, this is just stupid and take it as you will. Grim

is actually just a giant taste bud. He's not like a chicken nugget. He's not a big goobergast. But referred exactly what the I was I should because you were when I heard when I found it Outmace is someone is someone who is constantly looking for dark skinned representation. I can't say I love that grimaces black. I thought he was dark, but now he's just a taste. But

he's just he's really pink dog. That's truly maybe one of the If that's not proof that whatever is in McDonald's this poisoning our brains and making it because who came up with you know what I mean? Like, that's the best y'all could do. Was like, Okay, a chicken, a man dresses the clown, a handburglar, and of course a giant taste bud. Oh, that's a cocaine idea. It's also like, are they like looking at their tongue in the mirror and then just chose that little thing. I

was like, maybe we should make this into a mascot. Also, shouldn't he be pink? Yes? She should be pink. He should be pink. He should be like a lot of things. But if he's pink, that's a lot different vibe than I don't like if you make think we're talking about it a different taste, a different taste, but a different taste. But yeah, why and I gotta say sport, you know, Lauren, Laura saved us. God's are here today. God don't got the riverside. You don't know how to log in at all, Jessica,

we're clearly the Shenanigans. The Shenanigans are rich here. But but we're excited because you came to us with a conspiracy theory that that personally I don't think I've ever heard BORI, where do you fall in this? I had never I had never heard this. This is exciting. Yeah, this was new for for both of us. It's very exciting, you said. My mama told me always let a man walk in the house first on New Year's. Mm hmmm, tell me more. The thing is, so my family from Memphis, Tennessee,

my family from Ephis, Tennessee. There's I have thirteen aunts and uncles, and I know my my grandma went off, she popped off, go off, she popped in, popped out. But it was like my family's hell of superstitious, very superstitious. And every time every New Year's came around, it was like, let your brother walk in the house first. Let's go and walk in the house first. My grandma hated my grandfather. She was like, he's not allowed to pass the first step,

not allowed first past the first step. She kicked him out. She's like, don't let him in. But on New Year's that was the one day he could come back. Was the walk in and then walk right back out. Because it was just like it's a good luck charm, I guess to have a man walk in for so was he a man walks in before every woman, or just like happy New Year, and then what if you celebrate New Year's inside the house? Yeah, that was the thing. That was the thing. My grandpa. She would stay in

that house until my grandfather would come in. This was also we had like I had like seven or eight uncles, so they're like if all of them were out on New Year's, all of them had to be out. My grandma would wait. She would just wait, and in theory, a woman comes to the door and she says, get your ass out of here, turned that ass back and around legit. My mom would make me stay. We my mom didn't drive, and me and my mom would wait

outside and mccolda New Year Holy ship. And so my brother came back from whatever function he was at, just not celebrating New Year's because your grandma didn't want to be cursed. It was it was a superstition. And I genuinely was like, oh, maybe just like all black families do it, but clearly here about it. I never even I never even what, man, I have so many questions

answer them. I'm here. Firstly about your grandfather. He seems like he's like, yeah, yeah, you can leave me but you still don't call me all New Year, everything New Year. Hold up, here come Fernice needing stuff from your boy. I wish I, oh my god, I wish my mom was going to tell the story because it's just so funny of her being like like she would scream, she'd be like, don't you step past that step every day?

Every day, but on New Year's he could come in the house, Wenna, turn his ass right back out, right back out. Man. That's great because I think if you're going to be a lifelong bachelor, you should at least also have thirteen kids. I do feel that way. I do feel that way in my heart because like you know what I mean, it's like the best of both worlds, is it? It's not the worst that I guess. I assume if he had thirteen, he didn't stop He wasn't

stopping practice. This is not about your grandfather. This is about this is I could go on for hours about that innovator David wants men be as Mentee. Hey, I'll call him up. I'll call him up right now. Ask him if he's looking for an apprentice, then how did you do it? How did you do that? How would you get to go back in the house. How did you did you ever stop? I don't know if you ever stopped. He was wild, he was wild. He was always the one that was like drinking around the block. Again,

this isn't about my grandfather. Yeah, this is not about that is another episode which I cannot wait for. Uh, here's my question. Did she ever? Did she ever put a spec specificity to it, like was she ever like a man has to walk in the house, otherwise it's ten years of bad luck or otherwise none of the women could ever get pregnant or otherwise, like like was there ever? Like was there ever like a consequence given you think you think right, but like if you asked,

you got hit. So it was like a thing that we just never asked. It was like my yeah, it was like that's also what your tradition and to ask, Yeah, just when you don't want to give an answer. And it could have been anything. I would have taken anything. I would have been like, Oh, you're gonna your car's gonna leak oil, you're gonna break an ankle, you're gonna do something. No, Like as soon as I asked, I was like hit upside the head. So I just stopped.

Can I ask another question? Yeah, go ahead. Are you as far as you know about this tradition? Was this Memphis wide or was this a family specific tradition? Oh, that's a good question. Was like when other people on the block looking out their window and like, look at these crazy as ladies standing out on the yard or what they like? No, this makes sense. We're all waiting for our men to come home. Yeah, that's where ladies belong. If there's no mann. That to sound as as sad

as it came out. I liked it. No, that's a good question because it was like the way my our neighborhood was set up was it was my agad. I'm sorry, it's not about my grandfather. It was my It was my grandma's house, and then the cross street was my grandpa, and then it was a bunch of it was across the street. Okay, ye, the Jersey and the raftors. What's his name? And he didn't buy the milk and he got to just watch the cow get milked across the street.

That's if his name was like rooster, I'm gonna shut this computer off. Here's Jamal, But we called him Junior. I didn't call him junior, but they called him junior, Grandpa Grandpa, Grandpa Junior. Were you on the streets? Why did you walk up the steps? Because it's decem the rules, girl, you know the rules. I wait till January. Also, does he like hit at midnight? It must have, but I okay.

So going back to the original question, I didn't. I didn't see other people doing it, but it was That's that's an interesting question because it was like I didn't see other people doing it, but every offspring did it, every cousin did it. Everybody. Yeah, So it's like it's not just your grandma's house, it's all the houses. And were you at I assume you're a very young person at this time when this is your first being introduced to this. Are you bought in? Do you believe in

this ship? Are you like these crazy as motherfucker's I can't wait to leave Memphis and pursue real dreams. Make me stand out here waiting for him. He's never gonna show up. Also the Hollywood and spit on y'all door whenever I want, I can enter. First, I got men coming and going. Look give me a grandpa. I don't

give a ship I didn't. The thing was like, I think the same kind of sort of situation just goes to like superstitions or even like religion, where you're like, I was raised on this, and it's stuck with me forever that I didn't really think about it, and to this day, I still kind of do it, and oh I try. I like I thought about it because like if I'm not with someone, or like if I like go out on New Year's party, it up, bring a guy home, I'm always like, you know what, I need

to check the mail. Why don't you go upstairs first? I like speaking in there because I'm just like, what if what if something bad happened that would make me think something bad? I would think I was gonna get wrong. Oh yeah, no, I guess I'm playing the game. If you went to her house and then she's like, yeah, just go inside, I'm down here checking the man. Yeah, I love something in my car. I've listened to enough CARDI B to know what that trick is. I'm not.

I ain't going inside. I'm fear itself. So no, it's stuck with me for sure. I held ad do it, and I hate that I do it, but I feel like I'm just my family think embedded this superstition into me. Now where I'm like, I mean, is it wrong to not do it? Like to just like actively do it just in case? Here's here's another question. Where is your grandma from Memphis? Life long Mississippi? So this came with it from Mississippi? And then secondly, did your grandpa King

as he was, believe it as well? You love him? I'm a big fan. Yeah, you got right to. You're the only one I like his whole get down. I'm gonna call my mom after this and be like, they actually like Grandpa and she's back. Turns out we talked to the granddaughter of a hero today. Jessica's fine, but she's got sucking black bus aldron at her house. Though. Yeah, we're gonna with him. I don't want it. I don't want it. He said, did my grandpa? Did my grandpa

also follow it? I know he followed it, but did he believe it or was He just like, I'm just what's your grandma's name, Lorraine. He's like, I'm just doing this for Lorraine honestly, because she still she still loves me. Temper Nah. He was afraid of her. She she was perfect. She was everything and what I want women with their kids with a woman I'm afraid of. Yeah, life, the life Jr. But so he but he didn't, he didn't believe it. He had no. I don't know, I don't.

I don't think he did. I don't think he it because my grandma could scare anything. She was like, you're gonna do it, and you're gonna enjoy doing it. And also like my dad, my grandpa was just like a wild one. Like you guys, already you're theorizing, but you're theorizing right like he was having his own party across the street. She saw it, she said, she said, what the hell is that? They were right next door to

each other. I remember I'd be like, I'm going to Grandpa's and I just walk across the street, walking across the street. But either the best or the worst life that they've set up for themselves of just living across the street from a man who got you pregnant a bunch of times, that's nuts. And my grandma hated him. So I was like, you have to leave this house and look at him every day? Why would you? Why would you allow this? And she was just like whatever.

He whatever the funk he wants to do, he can do. I bet she wasn't looking at him. He was in the bay, he was in the basement making gin whatever whatever the cool cool hobbies. I'm sure he had p kuckle Champion. I'm not eve gonna get into his hobby. Was good sounds importing him. Okay, let me let me

ask you this before we go to break. So, so you're saying you, while you won't openly admit that you're like fully invested in it, your actions are telling us that you're fully invested in it, beyond beyond your current know how whatever the fuck you you've evolved past this space. But some of that still cooked into you. Are are you bought into every superstition that your family uh sold you? Or are there some that you're like, absolutely not, I'm

a reasonable gal. Some there's some that are like ridiculous, Like my grandma believed like cats steal your soul. That's true, but like that fact, yeah, we did some research on that. That's actually goddamn rest in peace, damn in the then um. But then there's stuff like you don't point at a cemetery, you don't point a cemetery. My grandma was really big about that. And this goes from my aunts too, really

big about opening that damn umbrella in the house. You do that outside my I remember my aunt like literally like a Heinzman stiff armed me for a penny on the ground ones a couple of times. Yeah yeah it's up. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm saying, yeah, yeah, well yeah, oh so it makes sense what the hell is going on? But yeah, those things stuck with me so hard that I just kinda

got beat into me. I will say that you did not necessarily say which one of those you are or which ones of those you are and are not bought into. You merely told us more crazy stuff, but you didn't admit to us whether or not you do in fact believe in in some of these weird things. I believe in the point of the graveyard. I never do it. If someone did it around me, I probably smacked their hand a little bit. I'd be like the cat one. I don't I have a cat walking in our New

Year's I do believe in God. It's so weird. It's just I'm I'm like, I just don't want bad luck. I guess it gets to the point where I'm like, I'm already have a lot of bad luck. I don't want anymore, like no bad luck, but you can have my soul, kitty cat, this is yours. Come on in, baby, come on in, sit on down, suck my soul, which sounds like something your granddaddy would say. Getting out of here for this man. I don't know why, but I feel like he could DJ. I bet it's a good playlist.

You try you go by DJ Nins intends you know what I mean, like you like, He's like, I'm way better than once and two. So it's like, alright, alright, big dog. Whatever you say to be the only people at that party at that house, I don't think. I think there's a lot of ladies in that neighborhood. All Right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more. Chest said more. My mama told me someone getting this chickaboo await from me, Welcome, Welcome back to another phenomenal episode.

And my mama told me, where we are discussing the validity of the conspiracy, that after midnight, men folks need to walk in the house first. I love the way you said it. It felt Yeah, it just felt like you were like, I'm gonna make this a puzzle a little bit. Yeah, I'm gonna twist the words of it. Just the taste. That's my whole mom. I don't know. I wish I knew. I just wish I knew what the consequences were. That's what I always like. That's what

I always with things like this. I was because the consequences make me judge whether or not I think it's real. I got you. That was the thing that was there there always just like it's bad luck, And I was like, what kind of bad luck? I feel like I'm crazy just the amount of children. I feel like it's a fertility thing. I think that. I think there's a I think there's a lot of I think there's a lot

of luck things in general that are based around that. Yeah, so I think, and I think that not talking out of turn, I think whatever your grandma and your grandma had together was working, you know what I mean. Pretty fertile over there. It's like Mesopotamia. So okay, go on, I get it. The fertile crescent is what I'm talking about. It. I got it, and uh a lot of our listeners didn't, though, So thanks for clarifying. I'm glad that you took that

extra step. The real dumb dumbs that listen to this ship, you know, damn no. I yeah, so that's what that's my guess is I think it's a fertility thing. Yeah, that's that's fascinating. And that's why it's got to be a man like maybe it's like you. It just makes me feel like the masculine versus feminine or something like. Well, yeah, that's why I always thought it was like ahead of the household kind of thing. Whoever brings the money, whoever brings the goodies, Like I just assumed it was like

just the breadmaker. And I mean, yeah, it was. It's fascinating that that you guys say this, because I I felt this as I was researching it, that there weren't a lot of satisfying answers about the male nous of it all that like they did say and and let's let's unpack some of this just right from the beginning, that this premise of walking through the house first on New Year's that's a man is a thing called first footing. That's there's an actual like phrase for it called first footing.

And the basic premises that the first person who inserts the house after the stroke of midnight will strongly influence the year you're going to have. Right, So it's it's if in theory you wanted to be they said, a very tall, very handsome, dark haired man is meant to offer goodness for your future where which he'll never tell. He'll never tell, gentleman, never done about Lettie. Ain't light skin, but it will never tell. Oh my god, oh my god.

But yeah, you want this, you want this? Uh, you want this tall, handsome, dark haired man to influence your year in a positive way, which, frankly does sound a little bit like BORI to your point, some version of fertility. Right. You want some handsome, handsome dude to come in you so he makes a handsome baby for you, or at least virility, right, mm hmm. Like was he tall? I I know it. I don't want to tell you because I bet he's so dull. Shoulders he got shoulders, drum jaw,

I hear it. No, what is this? What is it to you? How handsome is your grandpa? I guess he's fine. No, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, he is tall. I don't know, like six six because I was a child. He passed later, but like he's tall. Every one of my family is pretty tall. He's over six some. But he was very very He was really really dark skinned. He had a perfectly shaped afro because that's just what he always did. I think he actually

had like glasses like mine for a long time. And he just strolled through that neighborhood drinking all the time. I mean, that's what you did in that neighborhood. You just kind of got like a six pack and just walked around and drank it. But that's interesting that it had to be that handsome person. I didn't think. It's also really interesting because they go on to say that blonde or redheaded men passing through the threshold is bad luck. That's in my regular that's my day to day though.

Don't come in my house. I'm come in my house, redheaded. Keep that freak top out of here. Get cover top, freak get out. Damn. Why are they even fighting? Why are they showing up? Some he even brought him. Yeah, some some person who thought I was more tolerant. Say, this is a Christian house. We've got principles. If if redead, I will say, if in the red and comes to your house, make sure he keeps his shoes on. That's for sure. Tell me what, right, Yeah, you don't wanna.

You don't want to know what's out there touching your stuff. That's like crossing the streams and Ghostbusters. You know, you gotta you don't want to know what's gonna happen. It could be it could be anything bad. That's a recipe for disaster, and so blonde and Redhead apparently was bad luck at a certain time. This is also interesting. A woman crossing the threshold was like the greatest sin that could could possibly happen, which feels like patriarchy doing what

you know patriarchy has continuously done for generations. It's exciting, it's exciting. We haven't changed. I wanna, I want, I want full disclosure. I would always rather a woman crossed my threshold than a redhead, every day until the day I die, which tells you how crazy people. The ones that believe this fucking believe this because they were looking at at Redhead and women standing out there and they were like, bitch, get in the yard, nice redhead man,

your first. You're not gonna sunk up my nineteen sixteen. I still grow crops, bitch, get the funk away from my door. You they're ready, you come in, you go away? You pushing them out? God damn, that is the woman one though, the woman party. Like it was like the old Mitsen. I ran. I ran through the house. Once I ran through, I ran through the house once I was in kindergarten. I remember this. I remember this so clearly.

I was in kindergarten, went to my aunt's house New Year's Day, my birthdays January t so like she always gets my presence around, like end of December, January keeps some from Christmas. So I was like really excited. I was sprinting. I didn't even hear them screaming. They were screaming, and we lived in an apartment complex, so everyone could hear you, and my aunt's loud as hell. I opened

that door and ran in. I remember she tried to yank me so quick, but I got in and it was like I just remember my mom and her screaming like a screaming match at each other about it. And that's how serious it was. And that's why it stuck with me so hard, because I was like I didn't know it was that big and like my brother's not even like my brother was still like coming from the car.

So I was like, we're just gonna wait for him, and yeah, you're you're being a little mischievous and also a little bit uh reasonable in that you're like, hey, I'm not just gonna stand outside simply because y'all told me to and for you do you remember it all the screaming match? What was said? It was like my mom being like she just didn't know, she didn't know, she didn't know, And I am being like, what do you mean you didn't know? Like grandma always did this,

And I was like and which is true? Which is bad? It? My grandma did, but I was a child and I thought like my grandma only abided by it. This was like the first year me going through my aunt's house on New Year specifically, so I didn't know, and so I was like she was like, Gine, it will be fine, Like well, oh, another edition that we had we ate black eyed peas. You have to eat black eyed peas, and so she was like, I'll just eat her black eyed peas and my aunt was like that, wait, your

mom offered to eat your black eyed peas? Yeah, sort of like a sacrificial lamp. Oh I guess, oh god, yeah she well, it was like that I was the bad like I was cursed. I guess. So she was like, I'll eat her black eyed peas. She won't eat it. It won't mix up all the bad luck. That's that's kind of beautiful. This is It feels like a Tennessee

Williams play. Your mom almost gets neutral luck that year by sacrificing herself because she would have had good luck with the black eyed peas, but then she eats your sin peas and then suddenly she's at zero with this ship. Yeah, that's a nice, that's a that's a lady. I'll tell Linda. She'll be like, thank you, thank you, but maybe don't tell her our feelings are junior. But I texted her

and I was like, can you send me pictures? We have a photo album from my oldest uncle's wedding that was like this like nineteen sixty eight, and oh, oh, I got the photos. Looks like Ben Wallace email. Because I don't think you guys can see it. No, that's not good. If that ain't the most local wilk Chamberlain I've ever seen just of a first reaction, he's perfect. Yeah, yeah, I guess he is giant now that I've seen that photo. A white suit, huge And that was a lot of fabric. Yeah, long,

that was a blanket. He didn't skip on the good stuff, that man, the good fabrics. All right. I shouldn't have shot you that photo because that photo actually was pure example of what you guys have been theorizing. He looked like this entire time, the glasses, Olivia, we're gonna need you to drop that into the chat as soon as it's received, while we're while we're hunting down this gorgeous, gorgeous man. Goddamn it, that's it baby. The cut on that jacket he invented that. Come on, bro, he's the

first one with that cut. And he was like, hey, put a stained glass window where my dick should be exactly a whole trench coat with a dick cut out. That's new. And he said, my dick needs an archway, go ahead. What a great picture. I'm glad that I could send it to you. He'sa Hey, listen, the more color you have, the more bitches you got. Get me all cola you can afford. I think I don't think it's a boat. I don't think it's a tie at all.

I think it's like a exactly, that's definitely an as. Yeah, my boy wearing an ass guy for sure, you got it. Babies side shops the outfit. I don't know who the woman is next to him, of course not you never do. Yeah. I was like, you don't know either. That's just a lady, you know, sha't mean nothing. I like her outfit to Lorraine had his heart and after that he was for

the streaks. Okay. One of the things that I'm curious to get your take on, because this is an added thing that I I read but but doesn't seem to be a part of what you're suggesting, is that they also say it's even better luck if the person comes bearing a gift. That like, if they come with like some sort of even if it's like small ship, like you know, a crust of bread, they say, or like, uh, a chunk of coal was one of the suggested that was what Junior was a giant. Come on, my president,

says my president. I'm Junior, Baby, come Junior, I'm Julius, but you can call me Junior. Damn, my mom just keeps sending them. I'm so sorry. No, don't are you kidding me? I needed a new template. My background screen got old. I gotta I gotta up. So that's interesting. Right when you said that, was there a gift to

enter the door? That actually triggered something to me because I was like, oh, ship, they're what they're My aunt did say mentioned that one, and I remember I don't think we ever really did bring stuff unless it was food, and so maybe that was the gift because that that that stuck with me a little bit. That one opened something in my head that was like, yeah, you did, because my mom was always my mom was the cook

of the family. Yeah, I think I think food. It was something that felt that's what that crust of bread I think was suggesting. It's clearly written by very old timey, very poor people, but the premise is still the same. Bring some food, bring something to heat the house. Whatever. That's probably and I do appreciate that as a tradition as like as far as like hard reset on the new year, I do like that we all I feel like most people have some form of that within themselves,

you know what I mean? You guys do something year, not just find you know now it's my wife. But I I demanded a nice lady to kiss. You know. That was that was very important to me. I will say years that I don't think. I feel like years that I didn't kiss a woman on New Year's weren't great years. That's trash. But one year I kissed to deem it and I got a Comedy Central half hours. So who knows what you gotta You gotta explain the demon part a little bit. It can just be. Then

I got my half hour. She was all right, I don't really want to get into it. We don't have to. I sent Olivia more photos to show you because my grandma was also good. She was also tall as hell. So I say you just so I believe that I listen. I'm not I in no way think less of your grandma for falling for Junior's charm. He's amazing. I get it, Lorraine. So this is an extra part of it for you. I'm curious also to hear about your thoughts on this.

There were additional, more specific things that that they sort of got into with these first footers. That number one. Another term for the first putter, apparently is is a lucky bird, which feels very accurate to the man that we're talking about. The power apparently is made less effective if they we walk through the door. They have to be invited in. Is another additional part of it that like you're meant to knock on the door and then open the door inviting them in, thus making it more

of a sound sort of transaction. Additionally, and it doesn't sound like your family did this, at least in some of what I read. They're not meant to walk through the same or walk out the same entrance that they came in on. That like you walk in, you walk

through the house, and you leave immediately. And it sounds like your grandma did believe in this part, because they're not supposed to like keep hanging out and like chilling and ship you bring in somebody, they do the work and then they get the funk out and go about their business. That's why was perfect, and it was perfect for that Grandma did it correctly. They were supposed to

go back out the same door. No, they apparently are meant to exit out of a door that they did not come in in an apartment that is not these people's problems. How do I think that I called that the Santa Claus theory. You just gotta believe. I guess you could come in. I guess I'll put it on the on the balcony and there's a there's a fire escape. He knows his way down, yam. So we just don't have good luck if this is right, because we've been

doing it wrong. Well, it sounds like there it's sort of a little bit scaled right, that like the best version of good luck would be doing all of these things correctly, and that it scales down depending on the parts that you do or don't do based on your circumstances. Here's another question in your research. Did that didn't give you origins at all? Origins in terms of like where this came from? Original? Uh? Not really. It seems like, I mean, just based off of it feels like some

old like English ship. If I were to guess like it, it doesn't. It doesn't feel like it's like, you know, some of the things that I were reading I was reading about her like Spanish born or Colombian born. I don't think it's that ship. This feels like said, don't let a Colombian born walk through your house. No, no, no, when Yeah, Well, and who who would disagree? Shakira is going to jail. She steals apparently this this is all you gotta be careful around my breath away. Had you

not heard that that? I didn't know at all. Yeah, Jaquira, I don't know that she officially is going to jail. But Shaquira is in weird, big trouble for like some financial crimes like Krypto. I don't think it was crypto related. I think it was something closer to tax evasion. But it's Columbia. Everybody kind of a vague peck, Yeah what everybody? Yeah, see Olivia saying it is tax evasion, that that she's in big trouble for my girl. Yeah, it hired me

to be your accountant. Actually would have stole from us? Or maybe not? I say, are you that your thing? Are you secretly doing people's accounts? No? Absolutely not unless they need me to, unless you want me to. If you got a lot of money, called me up. I guess she just said she still don't play it bad

post post help me leave me. Here's my favorite part of how specific some of these things get is, at one point I read something that said that for the first footers, they must not be cross side or have flat feet or eyebrows that meet in the middle. No, wait a minute, say it again. You said don't cross, no cross eye, no flat feet, and no no unibrows, no eyebrows that meet in the middle, all recessive genetic traits. Yeah, don't let me get away with that. I made that up.

I believe you know. It was liberally confidence. That's that's the key. That's the key, that's the key. That's interesting. So you're supposed to stop someone that has a unibrow. Whoa yeah, Jake, you know, goddamn one. You're doing the big planning meeting for the Like somebody's like, what if Jake could do it this year? You're like, fuck you, fuck you. You know, his eyes across, crossside, flat footed, bitch,

take that flat feet and get the funk out of here. God. Also, what are you doing just checking people's feet, just looking? That's a hard one to tell. Yeah, I think they're just they're guessing. They're like, you don't have the confidence of correct arches. Yeah, I think that you could be confident without correct arches. Listen, I have I have extremely flat feet like confidence. Yeah, I think I think it took something out of me. That's what I'm saying. I

never would have thought that about you. Yeah, now my feet are fucking boards mine too, but mine are huge ten and a half. It's not even. Yeah, I'm I'm walking on I'm walking on legos. You know what I mean. I'm not even it's just short and and flat. Interesting. I had no idea. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know I can walk I can't walk through. So we all can't walk through the house. First, technically you're a woman. I can't. No, I can't. I can't walk through the house. Yeah, you

can walk through that. Well, it's a no flat feet. You can said you have flat feet. Oh well, but that's for the Colombians. No, that's for everybody. That's for everybody according to this conspiracy theory, no cross eyes, no flat feet. I do have more thoughtics though. Okay, this is also a podcast for for board to get for board to get booties. So he got to say ladies every once in a while. Lord, what if you had a universe on your shaved just so you could you can,

like you can trick your way into it. That's that's what I worry about. Well, yeah, I think I think the argument would be that you know you're cursed, and God knows your cursed, and and just removing it physically does not remove said curse. God, Well you've given up, You're like, well, all right, it sounds like I can't walk through the house anyway. I don't know why I'm trying to fight to go in that house first. Yeah,

you already proved it, you already. This last part does feel very much like one person with a bad experience being like that nig is ugly to me, and I'm gonna write down everything about him that I don't like and make it. Yeah. The other one is that his name Campi Orlando. Yeah, it's like, all right, Nick, who hurt you? And why? Why is? Why is his name Orlando? I like that they take their anger out on going to Wikipedia and just editing just one that one family

in memphisendense. He follows there's one family of thirty. Yeah, O, God, they tricked us, They tricked us. Well, we're gonna take more, more break, We'll be back with more Chestera Clintons and more. My MoMA told man, welcome back to my mom and told me the podcast where we have decided no Dominicans, no cross side, no flat, you know, dirty footage, Ginger's in your house. After New Year's you started with Dominicans. I was like, whoa, what do we decide? And then

and then you clarified. I was like, oh, thank god, we're still in the bid. I thought I thought you had gone rogue. And we decided no Dominicans, and then just that was the end of the conversation. It just shake me a little bit. Man, Boy boy really made a choice here. I made a lot of groundbreaking choices on this podcast. Uh, you know, I expect to be a political prisoner soon. I'm gonna be the d R S Brittany ground. Oh man, you're gonna be in the

d R HAP enjoying a cut rate discounted BBL. That's gonna keep me when I'm trying to come back. They're just gonna keep b b L e U and Blulia look good. You look good. You look good behind the bar, look good, look like the fanman Cavo, I'm gonna look crazy. Have you seen his body? It looks nuts. Just b BL and you and Mabe you smoke hooka, You're gonna be sucking. You're gonna look weird. And your lungs will be purple. It's gonna be fucking crazy. I will be

snatched though, You'll be snatched. No, lie that way still be. Where where they taking? Where are they taking? Is there's some kind of graveyard? I don't understand where where are all the Sorry, keep going the nucas isn't about this, isn't about me getting BBL to death in the Dominican Republic. The premise for my new short film, I don't want to start a conspiracy that there's more BBL waste than the oceans and plastics whales you're getting to just get it.

It's just loose tummy fat just floating around, poisoning turtles and ship. Genuinely might be the funniest thing I've ever We're worried about these oil spills. You need to be worried about these booty spills. The spills they just have. They just have some thick lady do a commercial being like, ladies, stop dumping your your tummy fats in the oceans. Weird And they're just like I was, like governed in a

little and a little belly button, a little wet belly. Buddy, LANs Port Goose, Save our oceans, Our oceans, Save our oceans. All right, this did get me thinking, I don't know how we go back to being professionals after this professional

before we weren't. You're right, well I'm mistaken, But but this did give me thinking about other New Year's based conspiracy theories, right, Like, this is not an isolated one, and I'm curious just to to run down a list with y'all of other sort of New Year's based conspiracy theories and get your takes, whether or not. And Jessica, it sounds like you're a bit of a superstitious person. I'm curious to know if any of these are something you either believe or would buy into now that you

hear them. All Right, So the first that I thought was really exciting. There's one called eat twelve Grapes that basically, at midnight you are meant to eat twelve grapes, no more, no less, And apparently the grapes are meant to represent the months of the year, and by eating all twelve you're setting yourself up for good luck. I think this one is Italian nonsense. Oh this pretty close Spain, Spain. The Italians tell you of the West. Does it matter

what color. And they didn't say they weren't. Like, hey, and don't eat those nasty purple grapes. You got the purple. The purples are the best ones. That's what I was saying. Guys, let's all just He's into being honest with ourselves. The green grapes are are the heroes in this story. Never listen, listen. The California Raisins are backup singers. They are not the stars of the show. Baby. I think we all know it. Oh, oh my god, that was not hearing That was not

hearing that I was not here for. I wasn't hear it. That was that was insane, all right? What they wasn't one of them voiced by Rache Arnold's you talk like that? Was it? Is that true? I was about to say, I find it very hard to believe that Rachel it took time out of his very busy career voice one of four California Raisins. The California Raisins were pretty big. So did you guys not think the California Raisins one of them was Ray Charles. I don't think I think

they had sunglasses. I don't think I ever thought that they were specifically Ray Charles. That's weird to be like the black man with sunglasses California Raisins Ray Charles in the California Raisins on YouTube. Yeah, but that's does that mean that he is or does that mean he did a collaboration with them? Did? But he's also Ray Charles was Clay. You're saying, oh, oh, he wasn't a raisin though, that's where I think that that must be where I

got it. Okay, all right, so it wasn't completely off base and it had some interesting but anyways, Yeah, no, I don't like that one. I would do it. It's not hard to eat twelve grapes. Actually, I don't think I can stop myself at twelve. But that's hard. That's the problem. That's where they're challenging you. And yeah, and you're like, no, I need I need about thirty four more grapes and make them and make them fat and purple. I eat those green ones. I can't do it. Wait,

this is not much. I believe in the green. I I will not buy the green if they're not the right kind of sour. I'll wait for the sour season. Have you ever heard the terms sour grapes. Yeah, that sounds fucking dope. While we complaintive you really are, you really are built like a super villain to your core. Yeah, man, deep inside of me, I'm a bad guy. I know it's really true. You just want to eat grapes. You want to eat sour grapes to drink cold mountain dew

and watch the world burn. Baby, all right, I'm for it. Yeah, Okay, so it sounds like Jessica, you're brought into the twelve Grapes, You're not probably committed to applying this to next year's celebrations. Fill up your cupboards is the next one. Apparently it's bad luck to start your year with empty cupboards. That like, you can't have no food in your pantry and ship,

because then it's bad luck that I get that. Just trying to like a level of like you should buy some fucking macaroni man, Like, Yeah, they're just gonna sit in the back of your cupboard, but at least it's not empty. Yeah, and also not for nothing. As somebody who gets real fucked up on New Year's a lot of times you need a snack at the end of the night. You need a little some extra to eat and if you ain't got no food, that's bad. That's a bad start to a year. Yeah, that's a good point.

You should get some Totina's party pizzas, come on whatever whatever you need. I guess those are Yeah, I was like, those are in the covering. They can't be if you like them weird. They could be really like that. I don't. I'm just trying to be supportive of my friend. He support. The next one is don't clean your house. You should not clean your house on New Year's because you are

essentially washing away the good luck that you've gathered. So I always say, because it's like if you hosted the party, if you hosted the part, you're just gonna leave it like that for you gotta leave it nasty. No, you're not. You're not bought into that one. You're wash away all that good luck. What is what's left after you? Even like what's left over after christ? A New Year's party? A bunch of fluid? Everyone's fluid? What part you party hard years? Huh? I it ain't a party if it

ain't wet. You know where's the line? Yeah? Is it New Year's if you didn't have to bring a towel. So the the next one is uh, and you you actually talked about this already. Jessica is eating cola greens

or black eyed peas apparently is good luck niggas. Uh. This one apparently is connected back to slavery and the Civil War, where people considered like super lucky to have a meal of black eyed peas because they were hardy and filled you up and so too, it helped them survive the winter and ship and so subsequently we carried on this tradition presuming that black eyed peas remained hearty, healthy, good luck for us moving forward. And that's exactly what

my mom told me. She was like it was because I was like, oh, we were giving our slaves. We were giving the leftovers of everything, so we kind of yeah, but if you got like leftovers, that was just like a chewed up bones. It's like, oh, I ain't don't that's gonna fill your boy up. But if you got some black eyed bees, oh oh we eating good tonight. Yeah, I don't know. That's what they give us slaves, right,

just chewed up bones. I don't know, make a stew marsh Yeah, Marshall, I don't know, Marshall, make a stew and he's like, oh, thanks, mask, here's the bone. Well I get some of the black pieces. Yeah, I'll get your hands out of here as a drum to play some of your Play me one of your cricket songs, marshalls with with the bone. Put down that drumstick and pick up that bone and play me one of your one of your cricket hymns, one of those chirp tunes I love so much, one about down by the river side.

You guys, you and you and your rivers, thing about your river. Okay, here's another one, apparently on the flip. Don't eat lobster. Lobsters are used now on New Year's Now, ain't going you? Meaning you absolutely will be eating lobster on you will eat lobster any day of the mother you and just wait, I feel like I knew that about you. That the whole reason I started to get money. Yeah, pull up with a lobster on Wednesday. I may come at the house sometimes during COVID, I go to the ocean,

get some ocean water by a live one. Come back home. Boil that bitch in the ocean water. I kill it in its home. Fuck God, damn that's ruthless. Yeah yeah, shellfish heavy. Hell yeah, that's clear and so and so anything to be clear. The reason that they say that you're you're not supposed to do this with lobster, not supposed to eat lobsters because lobsters walk backwards, and therefore are you'd be taking a quote unquote step backwards by

consuming lobster on New Year's. Wait a minute, lobsters walk backwards. I don't think they walk backwards all the time. I think they just have the ability to walk backwards. I might sunk around and do this one this year, just to see how this goes. And that's such a specific animal, the lobster. I feel like there's a lot of animals that do weird like that. Yeah, we're a lot of

people gonna eat lobster at New Year's. I feel like this is them conflating like old scripture ship with New Year's because like every scripture at some point kind of band shellfish and specifically lobster, and so in that way, it's like, oh, we'll just we'll make lobster bad everywhere you go. It's like, you know, Irish need not apply, but for lobsters to the people, this was like, they eat too much lobster. One day they cannot eat lobster.

I don't know. I'm just trying to think of why this would be used to be right, Yeah, it was poor people's food in part. In part be I think because we couldn't cook it very properly, or at least the fear was that it wasn't cooked properly and therefore made people sick. Shell Fish, pig. They people were constantly getting sick because of our our improper sort of like cooking baby wrap one and the other. I'm coming for dinner. Yeah, I've a ship. I can do with that. I don't

like shellfish really. You know what's funny. My mom, my aunt, and my grandma are allergically shellfish. So I never had it. And then when I finally moved out and I did have it, I was like, I don't see the hype. I was like this, Uh, I don't know if you've had the right I'm a shrimp man, that's about it. I don't do you not do funk with seafood. I I funk with seafood, but I'm not like deeply passionate about it, the same way that some people are like

shrimp and crawfish. I funk with heavy and then the others like crab and lobster. I'm chilling on. I can take it. Yeah, I like it, but I'm rare. I'm rarely going to go to a restaurant and pick a fish over, like chicken or steak or whatever else. I think that I was up in the water grill not forty eight hours ago, going nuts. Damn. Yeah, you love After you said that's I was like, God, yeah, yeah, anything anything that's underwater, I mnna eat it. You. My

granddad would get along. I did know it. I think I don't know. You think you don't think. I think Junior loves shrimp. I saw the suit he ate the ship. He would eat catfish like no other all the goddamn time. One of the big gas pockets. I got up. Wait, hold up, men, the wedding, Hold up, baby, held baby, let me get this out. You got some fresh oh man, I'll raise you guys a couple more. There's also carrying

around a suitcase that we were talking about Colombians earlier. Apparently, in Colombia they think you should carry around an empty suitcase because it will help carry in adventures for the New Year. That is so funny. Can I tell you a weird story, yeah, kind of changential. My mom just sent me a picture, a bunch of pictures from Africa and from when I was in Africa. And then she sent me an old picture of my cousin and he's

wearing a briefcase that I know is empty. All right, I'll show you the picture if you give me a two seconds picture. So he's just walking around with this empty suitcase. Just look is good to look for. Actually, I don't think the look is good to just walk around. I don't know if you say that. Uh that that Soluche video that uh tell me the truth boy losing that wherein Yeah, oh my gosh. Yeah it's old. It's like pre cranes in the sky and all that ship.

Oh that's fresh though, no family standing on cars, empty briefcase. I like that. We all have photos of our family and the best attire, white socks, shoes, come on. But in that video, in that Salange video, that we're doing the same ship of walking around like fresh to death with a briefcase that you can tell just is uninhabited by documents and anything of importance. The whole briefcase seems

incredibly unnecessary to me. I had my best friend's dad was just like wild ass man and he had a briefcase and I remember he got mad at us because we were like, there's no there's nothing in here, there's nothing important in here. And we opened it up and said, don't you touch it? And it was one Snicker's box. Whoa it? Oh? No? Oh? No, Oh. He was sick. That's the word ship. Yeah, he was. He was terribly addicted.

That's that's addiction. No, that man. Could you imagine ad Could you imagine getting found out by your kid and all you got your briefcases? Snickers? Were you doing? I'm going to work with children? But you're That's where I think you're missing it. He was willing, Jessica, he was willing to lose his family. He's lying to everyone he knows in his life over one snickers. Oh you think he actually had a job. Okay, that's where we're No, I'm saying whether I'm saying whether he had a job

or he didn't have a job. They think there are documents in that brief out. They think he's committed to to a life of effort and caring for them, and he's just eating a Snickers. The man is sick. Look here, Not everybody's perfect. Some people have one single Snickers bar on the briefcase. Some people who have a lot. Some people have three or four Nigas bars in there. Some people. Some people, yeah, yeah, you're done, so the last one

I'll run by you guys. And I think I already know where Borries stands on this, But don't eat chicken on New Year's Apparently there are some who believe that that you shouldn't eat chicken because, and this is maybe the stupidest explanation I've ever heard, chickens have wings and you're good luck will fly away. Okay, they don't want to see chicken. First of all, isn't no chicken is flying away from me. It's a flightless bird. I'm gonna eat it. I was like, I'm gonna eat it before

it gets anywhere. Well, you're not getting far chicken here. Look here, you ain't getting that. Don't bring your chicken around me, true player. For really, that's my nigger for real, you know what I mean. There's been at least thirty times I had to go off screen and know this whole episode has been egregious. Yeah, we're working up pretty bad and uh, and the fans will tell us that exactly this is no, this was great, Jessica. It sounds like it sounds like we've we've met some good collaboration

inside of of of the possible New Year's superstisions. And I don't know that you made us a believer in the Man through the doorway of it all, but you did make us a believer in Junior, and that's maybe more important. I think that's a big takeaway from today's Junior. Yeah, Junior Junior is everything we need it and uh and the fact that you were here to give it to us means you're the most special lady in our lives.

You guys now have photos and you guys now have photos, a photo evidence of the swag that got something that takes for the Taylor do this special? No changes? Yeah, I don't want you putting your new age spin on it. This is exact. I need the whole I need the whole dick out, Jessicause, could you tell the people where they can find you on what cool that you have going on? Oh god, you can find me on everywhere, Twitter, Instagram, all those places, Lulu Clemens, go check out new rock stars.

I'm always over there talking about everything, doing it daily three pm. Very fun place. Do not come at me to talk about my grandfather. Don't don't ask me about him. I'll give you the same answer, which is nothing. All right, Well, please go follow her and and support Jess because she's great and BORI. Could you tell the people where they can find you? Mostly just cool guy Joke City seven on Instagram. I'm around man I I posted on my shows. Oh I just announced though, because you know I don't

make good decisions. What's Vegas May Jimmy kim Jimmy Kimbo Comedy Club. Please believe I'm gonna be eating a lot of shellfish. Come on, shellfish at the buffet. Do it, do the whole ride, the whole wave. I'm gonna do it. It's gonna be a weird Christmas. It's gonna be a weird Christmas. I've had I've had I've had weird I've had some crazy christmas Is. We'll talk about it one day. I'm excited to hear it. I feel like we gotta we gotta unpack some of the strippers making turkey people

putting their heads through glass tables. It's calling damn, whoa fuck? What a weird cliffhanger. We're gonna be leaving on after this. Of Someday you'll find out why that stripper was making a turkey at at Boris Christmas. She was on tour from Hawaii. Well, I guess the cliffhanger is done. It was just a touring stripper who cooks turkey. As always, you can follow me at Langston Carmen on all platforms. I ain't doing ship and if you want to send

us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories. If you just want to tell us who and who should not be walking through your doorway, please send it to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. That's it. We didn't by bitchy because I'm growing bies my crop chips in your hands. O. Koala bears are racist. The ohlschool player osting money versions in many attorney stuff I can't tell me