Southpaw, Hell Naw (with Maggie Maye)

I can't tell me. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Tone Me, the podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove that Teddy Riley is in fact how to check by the Zoom Corporation being the fair. Entire platform is based on his nine three hit Rump Shaker. M There it is. I'm your host like Stink German, and I'm your other host, David Bori, and we are.

We couldn't be more excited. What a what a what a time, David, What what a a joy it is to be here today? What a time to be alive? A time to be alive, and I do agree with you. I I feel like Teddy Riley is owed something. There's no way they came up with Zoom on their own. You think a bunch of nerds, a bunch of computer nerds, you to call it zoom. They were watching rump Shaker, Yeah they were. They were sitting in there their ship

offices because they didn't have good offices. By that they were they were in a we work and are They were in a we work at Queen's And you know what, I'm not even gonna give them credit. They weren't watching rump Shaker. They were in that we work in Queens And then whoever was running that we work played rump Shaker, Oh for the Loudspeaker, and they were like. One of them was like, hey, I got a fucking good idea. Yeah, after we pay off this we worked bill, we I

gotta plan for for solving our problems. Yeah. The other nerd was like, I love the saxophone Shaker faces Ship Zoom Corporation. I thank you for your platform so I can make money now. But you know, yeah, but you know, you know what you did? You know what you did give him check mr V a day. You know you know who I assume gets all of her checks and and probably is rightfully credited on all the things that she does, is our guest today. I feel like I

feel like she she is. She probably is coming up with a lot of brilliant ideas of her own brain and not that we works. I think she probably does it in her own home, I would imagine. But she's a lovely guest. She's a fantastic comedian, hilarious. You guys know her from her work on Conan, you know her from her work in the New Yorker. She's so funny. Please give it up for our guests, Miss Maggie May, thank you. I'm happy to be here. We're happy to have you. I have you. Have you come up with

any uh multi billion dollar ideas? Um? I have a few. I got a couple of them, and uh, I mean, just get ready to run me my check when I want. Yeah. No, that's I don't like to say him either, because you dropped. You dropped the idea, and then next thing, you know, everybody's wearing you know, Gucci sweatpants or whatever was my idea. Okay, I had a feeling that that might have been you that did the Gucci sweatpant. It combines my two loves, luxury and sweat. Wasn't that a Nelly album? Wasn't It

wasn't suit because there's two different Nellies. You know, you always associated Nelly with suits before this. It's wet, he seems very athletic. I bet he doesn't sweat a lot at all. No, Maggie, I know none of this has anything to do with the conspiracy theory you came to us today, but I'm very excited to dig into it. It might be, i'd argue, maybe one of the vaguest conspiracy theories we've ever dealt in. Truly, it means nothing, but also I think has such a a large, powerful meaning.

So I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this. You said, my mama told me the left hand. It's Bay tell us more. It's just there are so many different I wouldn't even say conspiracy theories. I'd say superstitions

surrounding the left hand. And I talked with my siblings before coming on because I was like, what exactly like remind me all the different stuff that we heard as kids, and all the different things, And the one that kept coming up was left hand, Like if you I know that the left hand in general is just unlucky, Like let's wash him mouth. Some of us are left handed here. Well,

I mean it's not encouraged. Like my brother's left handed, but he's now ambidextrous because they heavily encouraged him to use his right hand. For my grandmother, So your brother was using his left hand and then your grandmother, I think you said, was coming in and what what was

she doing to encourage this? Just really encouraging him to because he like favors his left side, like he plays soccer, he favors that side and everything, and so they had him learned to write with his right hand as well.

So you know, I don't know if it was like this is the right hand to write with or whatever, but they just like really discouraged him from like using his left hand nowadays, like he uses that he used both, but like it was kind of a thing that they didn't really want him to be a lefty because that's just and he was the one who told me it was like apparently if you pay somebody with your left hand, or you receive money with your left hand, that means

you're being dishonest. Whoa is this a Texas I think it's a Nigerian thing. Yeah, because I didn't grow up around a lot of black people. It was usually just me and my family who were the black people in the school, So like there wasn't anybody that I could go and ask, like, hey, does I knew? You know, neither white kids weren't gonna get any kind of specialized education and conspiracies or anything like that. They were just

gonna let that ship happen. But it's like I have to assume there's also something dangerous and being the only black person and you go, hey, is this the thing at your house? And they go, no, nigger, that's a you, that's a y'all things. And now it's a black thing for a bunch of white people that didn't previously know you were doing ship, and now they all think we're not left handed. Yeah, all the white kids were like absolutely not. And then I met black kids later and

they were like absolutely not. This is so I'm left handed and they tried to teach me to write right handed. So I feel it didn't work because I'm stupid, But I feel I feel for your brother greatly. Does he was it? Like, is your grandma, Like did she ever explain? Why was she like, oh no, don't write with that

hand because then you'll never get married. I mean, I'm sure she explained to him, And um, I guess he just did it because he's a kid, and you know, he's my brother's like hella smart, so he could just figure anything out that he wants to. But like, yeah, he's not a dumb dumb like you boy, he out Listen? Is your whole family right handed? Like what's the percentage of left handers in your family? My brother is the only lefty? And then how many are there of you?

It's five kids and just my dad? Oh man, is everybody else doing some something cool science related or or achievement related. I guess is a better way of saying. Yeah. Like my sister and her husband. Her husband's a doctor and so they own a bunch of freestanding emergency rooms and then um like urgent cares. Yeah, well there. I think they're actually like free extant because he's an emergency room doctors, So they're like freestanding emergency rooms that you

could go to. And I think a lot of them are in like towns in Texas where the hospitals are not that you know. So it's like, if they've got the one hospital and that's all you can do for an emergency, then at least have like a free standing emergency room, so you have an option. That makes me. I didn't know that it was possible to have a free standing emergency room until you explained it that way, because otherwise it just sounds like they had like trucks,

you know what I mean, like food trucks. But you could get your like a wamby lance the round whose heart I was imagining, just like a tent in the park where you could go if you like, we're breathing funny, yeah, like a real free standing kind yeah yeah, yeah, like emergency room pop up. Yeah, but at least come by and they're like, hey, move it, buddy, you know, like I'm literally setting almost life. Yeah, you gotta get out of it, just selling someone up. Do you have permits

for this? Okay? So so success is in your family, but not necessarily everybody being doctors. Do you still believe or did you ever believe? Maybe that's a better way of framing this question. Did you ever believe in your grandmother's suggestion of the left hand being bad, not really, because there were a lot of other well, superstitions and whatnot that I don't know if they were Nigerian specific or if it was just my family decided we were

going to come up with a bunch of stuff. But like there were other things that I was just like, there's no way that you know, there's no way this is also true, like if there's one that like if you're sitting on the floor and someone steps over you, it's supposed to stunt your growth. And I was just like, not likely. So the likelihood that this and the left hand thing it's true, it's like probably not. I mean,

we'll come to think of it. Like it is more unlucky to be left handed because the world is it's the right hander's world. Left handed people unfortunately die more because like if what there's like a higher because like if you're using as much as right handed no no, no, no no, it's look it up. Look it up. It's like easier to like get into an accident dive if you're left handed, because the world is like set up for right handed people. So if you're using the chainsaw,

it's likely to be a right handed chainsaw. And so if you try it with your left hand, there's like a little bit of a difference and a little bit of you know, it's a little adjustment for the listeners at home. David is currently trying to uh to my a chainsaw. I've used to chainsaw before. I'm just trying to think about how it went. Did you did you do it as a lefty? Were you doing it left hand dominant chainsaw? No? I feel like I held the guard with my left hand and I pulled the choke

with my right hand. That seems right hand dominant, if that's what I'm saying. And now, see that's how they get, you, brother, i't even know that's how they get I'm so indoctrinated. I didn't think there was a better way to change, because now I'm like in my hand, I'm like, if I had to change saw how I wanted, I would use this fand here and pull it with this fand yeah,

But then where would that be situated with you? Like would you be able to pull it with your left hand and it be like still straight or would your right hand still be able to hold onto the other thing, or would it be like more precarious? You could you know, it's all over to one side and see your leg. It's all bad. Also with guns, the safeties, it's all is for. It's for right handed people. You're not supposed

to shoot except for clock jen fives. But it breaks my heart to think that you could be one of the greatest chainsaw champions in the country. Were it not for the failures of our education system and producers, I could have been one of the greats. Paul Bunyan, John Henry, David Boy I could add. Yeah, we all heard all those John Henry stories of him with the chainsaw, the guy who refused to use modern technology. John Henry was the one who beat the He beat the train machine. Yeah,

he just used the sledgehammer. I'm sure there was a black chainsaw man. There's gotta be a black chainslaw man out there. And if you're a black chainsaw man, we would love to hear from you. Please please your updates to my Mama Pott at gmail dot com. True, we don't even care if they're conspiracy related. We just want to know that you're doing all right. No, if you're a black chainsaw man, I'm looking to offload some money anyways, I will I will support you in the chainsaw games.

I've seen them on ESPN three. I know they're real. I've never seen a black guy. Let's you know, hit me dad. So do you mean like a chainsaw man, like like John Henry style, like they go and like have him go against a chainsaw just with two axes or something. No, you've never seen them. You never seen the timber games on ESPN four. You've never seen like you never been depressed at the best Western like two real thick men battling it out over who can chop

wood faster. Yeah, yes, like running on a log and seeing who can fall off. But then sometimes they have to chain saw stuff and then they have to like change saw very strategically to make a tree fall down or to like uh yeah, to do cool stuff. So yeah, I think Bori could have been one of the best. I think, so I would love to see a black person do that. I feel like we were wrecked shock with that ship. I have a feeling and this is pretty racist. I feel like we're I feel like we're

the best at all the sports. We just haven't figured out all the sports yet. WHOA like you know what I'm saying, Like, if you gave us all the sports, like we're the best ninja warriors. Black people just aren't ninja warrior and like that, you know what I mean. It does to some extent. But then I think about like the way Asians dominate, like like gymnastics and and cool flips and ship and I don't know, they're they're naturally sometimes a little more petite than us, and I

just think that they're gonna win. What about bios for sure? All right, she's the best at her in the in the field. But I've been to uh, what's that nun? And that you Yeah, I didn't want to go, but my mother in law really wanted to go. And it turns out it stinks anybody that's scaring us about Shen Yune. It's a real stink show. I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. Oh man, I wanted to go. That's like one of these days I'm gonna put down sixty dollars to see

some people do some of those jump kicks. No, don't go to Jen, You and y'all, it ain't worth it. Oh I thought it was a play. No, I mean it kind of is. It's a series of plays and then there's a Chinese person and a white man who sort of like coming in between and give you like historical information about each of these stories that they're telling, and it just kind yeah, it feels like you know when it feels It feels like when your school has like an assignment that you have to like both watching

a play but also taking notes. It's got that the whole time. And then I thought that was a guy. Oh is that Shank song that you're thinking of. I might be thinking of Shang Chi of the Golden Rings. Oh yeah, that's the guy too. There's a few guys with shin type bassis that this episode really went off the rails. Sorry, we we started talking about sports and somehow got real bigoted. About a minute and a half later before we go to break Maggie this, I feel

like this is an important question. Your brother was was trained to basically embrace his right hand. Do you think any part of him now believes some of what your grandmother said? Is anyone in your family sold on the possibility that there's something bad about left handedness? Um? I mean no, because now he writes with his left hand, Like if there was any I think it was kind of a thing that he might have been doing just to like give lip service, but I don't think any part.

I mean, he was still left left side dominant, Like he's still dominant soccer with his left hand, you know, left foot, and like everything, like even if he's not writing with his right hand, if he's gonna catch something, he's catch it with the left. So so he was really just being respectful to your grandmother as like the matriarch of your family, exactly exactly. And I think when you're a kid, you don't know he was left in

the streets. But I think, like if when you're a kid, you don't really know, you're like, okay, is this a bad thing? Let me just let me get on this side, and like kind of see if you know, I think in some ways, and I have to assume this also was a challenge. Is like, as a black person growing up in a predominantly white space, you don't need more

reasons to like stand out. And I have to assume that it also became easier to just be like, no, I can I can write like the rest of y'all and not feel at all sort of like threatened by being the weird outsider in this space. I guess, so I guess it was like a modicum of that. But like thinking back in school and stuff like that, well, I guess I wasn't raised in I was raised predominantly in a culture that like thinks that or believes that or whatever. It's just like what I heard from the home.

But like, I never I never noticed who's left handed and who's right handed and class like that was nothing that I ever found important. Oh, I see, that's why it's more dangerous to be a lefty. I like that. I like that. I like the Lengthston started this episode like, no, this one is so vague, I actually have no idea about any type of discrimination on the left. And then twenty minutes and he's like, I used to kill them. We murder those kids in the street from being filthy strangers.

Once again, I am left handed. And wait till I see you in person, big dog. All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more Maggie May and more, my mama told me, And we are. Yeah, we're back here with more Maggie May more. My mama told me. We're still talking about the possibility that left handedness a left handed person is somehow bad. The left

hand itself is bad in society. Did you feel like you ever witnessed outside of your home any evidence of this being true other than all those dead left handed people that you you apparently were walking past every day. A couple of times. Actually, I remember I was maybe in an argument or something with somewhat with a friend of mine and then like we had you know, I decided I wasn't mad or anything, and I like extended

my hand to him. Didn't think which hand I was extending, and he was like, not your left hand, and I was just like, what do you mean, not you're And then I saw an improv show. I used to do improv back in the day. Well, I still do whatever, but it's okay, but you don't have to be ashamed of it. It's it's a perfectly healthy art form that some people enjoy. Yeah, I mean, I'm not ashamed it. I just was like, oh, back in the day, I used to do it, and when in fact, like I

would do it tomorrow. Someone booked me, but uh, some my friends. Tony someone tried to shake her hand on stage and she was like, don't left hand me. Don't give me that, and she said, don't give me that poop hands, and I was just like the world, you're not. It's only okay if I say it, that's his poop hand, that's my poop. Wait have you heard that before? You heard? No? But people don't. I know, people don't like it when you go to shake with your left. I've had to

condition myself. Did I naturally just shake with the right, which is uncomfortable for me? And maybe my grip isn't strong. So yeah, you caught me on an off day and you popped my knuckle a little bit. I'm just not used to that hand. But yeah, people don't like it if you come in and shake with your left thing at all. Yeah, I've always at least from my and again, I'm right handed, so maybe some of this is just

like being ignorant to it. I always presumed that that was just an American thing that, like we had all agreed, right hand is the way you shake, and nobody would ever dare shake with their left. I mean, I haven't touched a lot of foreigners physically, but I'd imagine I think that's worldwide. It sounds right. Maybe some of this research will help clear it up, but it definitely what do the what the what do the books say. Well,

I'll tell you this. Apparently the word sinister sinister we all know uh to be a word meaning evil, bad, demonic of sorts, you know those kinds of things. It actually the Latin word. It comes from a Latin word meaning on the left side. That's the the original definition of the Latin word that sinister comes from. So it's not starting great for you, big dog. No. And it's like, it's not just me, there's we're a third of the population. Is it a third? Is that? Yeah? That seems real high.

As soon as I said it, I was like, yo, your wolet I bet you. I feel like it's probably like six it's it's not very common. No, it's very it's pretty uncommon. And some suggests and it sort of goes back to what you were saying earlier, Maggie about the association's right that some of the reasons these associations have been considered bad is largely because of how dominant

right handed people have been in society. So it's much more convenient for a a society at large to be like, hey, everybody do the same thing the way we're doing it than to embrace the possibility that like, yeah, maybe your hand could do a different thing. I mean, we even have the nerve to call it the right hand, m you know, and then the other one just left, like Ship went left. I love him hotep tones to it. I like what you're doing here. My question. First of all,

I hear you. I understand. My question is what came first the idea the word right being of correct meaning like correct and virtuous, or the term right as a direction. Mmmm. And I think that's a legitimate question. What I will tell you is that historically the there have been both periods of high shaming and high embrace of left handed people.

That like, actually the ancient Celts, you know, back before they were Celts and Ship, the Celts associated the the they associated the left hand with like femininity and uh sort of like the what did they say, the fertile wounb that like it was like a beautiful thing left hand. Yeah, they said, you are a gorgeous lady if you're a you got a big, old, heavy, healthy wound cal bearing woom. Why is it? What I don't understand is why is

it masculine or feminine? Everybody has left hands, yes they do. Well, that's not true. Some people don't have most lends. And if you don't have a left hand, you have a left foot. Yeah, that's also not true. I think you can have. You could be missing whole sides here. You gotta left something. Everybody's got something on the left side. They could move. But I think to your larger point that these sort of weird associations or correlations are one

that that they feel odds for. So, for example, the ancient Greeks believes men were associate with the right and women were associated with the left, and in fact fathers used to uh well, they believed that that men were the product of the right testicle and that women were the product of the left testicle, meaning that the sperm that came out of the right testicle produced a man and the sperm that came out of the left testicle produced a woman. And they went so far, this is

the craziest part. They went so far as to tie off the preferred testicle, or rather the testicle they didn't prefer, to make sure that the nut came out of the side they wanted as a woman, I as I would, I assume you have thoughts. I don't know all. I think it's just the wild ship people used to do before Google, you know, just the wild stories people used to make up for themselves and just be like, Okay, let's put a rubber band around your nuts so we

can have a girl. I think, and that's also the the part that makes me think that this is where some of the bigotry relating to left handed people starts to be built, because I can't presume that they were often tying off their right nut preferring a girl. I think that if you are noticing the difference between nut, you're more than likely saying, well, I want the boy, and I'm gonna tie off my left nut to shame women and and separate girls from my my home now Langston.

As a father, can you speak to the validity of any of this, I will say that I have a daughter, and uh, my left nut seems to be working pretty pretty strong, so I'm gonna presume she's a left nut baby, and I'm I'm proud of that. I'm proud of my left nut, my left nut baby. I pray to God that this episode gets archived and she to hear this

as soon as possible. Let's get this right in at the developmental stage, you know, she needs to feel like she knows where she came from exactly right after in seventh grade, like when they learn about health and like where babies come from that day, Like you learn some stuff during school, but look where you really came from. Oh no, you're you're missing. You're missing what I would like.

I would like for her to be learning in health class, and then for the health teacher to be like, and now we have a snippet from your father's podcast in which she clarifies exactly where you came from and then boom left nut. She's gonna she's gonna be She's gonna be one of those kids who tells everybody the wrong

stuff and they just believe it. This kid and the Boys Girls Club told me that girls p out of their butt, and I believe it till I was like thirteen, And I think he doesn't need to be out here spreading our business. But yeah, calm down, ma'am. I've seen the videos on the internet that is not where it's not on purpose, not on purpose, but you know, I

click around. I'm an adventurer. Yeah, yeah, I stand up to oppression tyranny so interestingly, and this this continues to be positive in relation to the left handedness, and don't worry, we'll get to the negative. But interestingly, in terms of the positive, research shows that parents and specifically women are more likely to carry their children on the left side

of their body. And this physical touch of holding their kids on the left side actually is it's called something called lateralization, where the right side of the brain is activated from the left sides physical touch, and the right side of the brain is responsible for language and interpreting emotional signals. So it makes it it makes it so you're able to be a more attentive, affectionate parent by holding your child on the left side and using your

right brain. That's what's being suggested in the research. See I don't think that that's why. I think people hold their babies on their left hand because most people are right handed and they want the hand free to eat or to like swap things away, or to write something down, or to make a phone call, like you can't really do that easily with your left hand if you've got

a baby in it. So you think, right, this is just people being selfish and wanting to keep their day going and not be slowed down by these dumbass babies exactly what does it? What does it mean? I'm African? I was held on her back? What does that mean? We did that too, that's what. Yeah, that means I'm a generous lover and we'll be I think you're still growing,

that's for sure. What that means. Tell the audience the back slows down growth and uh, you'll definitely hit six ft And uh, I think it means your mom was a busy lady who needed both her hands to Yeah, and you just when you put a baby on her, they fall right asleep. Yeah, all, my all, my all, My earliest memories are like me, like waking up on my mom's back, like we're in the laundry, back real tight. Yeah, yeah,

you know, I remember it. She puts you on there and then she takes a blanket and she wraps the whole thing around tight and then yeah, it's like a baby bed. But you don't look like a fucking douchebag? Is that? Is that? How how a lot of African cultures look at the way Americans are carrying their babies, that we just look like douche bags holding our babies in the front and on the side. You didn't think that. No,

I didn't. I didn't know. Y'all were like, if you way Dora exploring your your kid, you're you're a fucking idiot. Why did you put baby beyond? Is the most white nonsense ever. Why would you have put the kid in the front. That's not even safe. What if you're attacked? What if you're attacked from the back? You can't see it coming? Oh, how many times have you been attacked from the back? I would argue most of the time. Also, also, you got a baby on your back. You put your

back to the wall. Now you can like you pivot, you pivot. Your baby is on the front. That baby is exposed, little white baby is exposed. What if you trip? I didn't put myself in Tom cruise scenarios when when I was thinking about the placement, and to your point, that is fair. If I'm ever in a situation where I'm being attacked by it seems like multiple ninja's, I would like to be able to get my baby back to the wall and and fight them off. In the

front seems crazy, and the front seems crazy. It looks weird. It looks like the baby is just dangling there, looks like the baby is controlling you. Yeah, as a person who's been walking around with my baby like crying from the Ninja turtles this entire time, I am feeling a little embarrassed that you guys are are so emphatic about this. Yeah, you should put that flip into the bag. Yeah, the back just around. Honestly, once they get toddler size, put

them in the backpack. Mm hmm. You just leave the air hole open a look around. I don't know if that's how that's what babies are are are made for, and I certainly don't think that that that works, or certainly the backpacks are going to be able to hold them up. But I hear you. I mean, they're not made to fucking sit on your chest like a goddamn neace. It's the cheap necklace lets fair enough, not even gold. A lot of points are being made. They're all hurting

my feelings. But I hear you. Let's let's get into before we go to break. Let's get into some of the negative connotations of the left hand. Apparently, the left carries associations of immorality, primarily in Christian teachings. That Christianity teaches us that the left hand is immoral and specifically

this part was pretty devastating. From the Book of Matthew, in reference to the Last Day of Judgment, it says, he shall separate all nations one from another, as a shepherd divided his sheep from the goats, And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, come ye, blessed of my father inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of

the world. Then shall he say also onto them on the left hand, depart for me, he cursed into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. M m all I hear from that, I said, I'm a hot boy. I think that that phrase was the inspiration to be onces to the left. To the left, because she could have said to the right, like I never thought about it, to the left, get your poop handship to the left and out of my house. Everybody's associating you to the left.

But also, why are we goats? It's not great? You think are are hellish? Don't they have like a goat to the greatest of all time? Yeah, that's that's what ll cool Jay started. But up before then, it was pretty consistently devil dogs. Oh it's because of their eyes. They do have devilish eyes. They got them square eyes. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I don't like. I don't like that either can eat trash, right, they pretty much anything like they'll eat like a tim can. Yeah exactly.

I don't think it's good for them, but I do think they're capable of it. I hate this. I mean, listen, that was just listen. And also and also that's in Matthew, right, it was in Matthew the book. He said a lot of things. Tell me another thing. You said, Uh, didn't he? Isn't he the one who had the vision where all the unclean animals were on it and then God was like taking eat and then they were like, oh the Covenant is broken, now we can eat pork. That was

in Matthew. I don't know. I truly was just helping. You thought I was a fucking dickhead. You thought I was a left handed poop boy. So I should note for for anybody that's worried that this is strictly a Christian thing, it is not. Apparently, these same sentiments appear in Jewish text uh, a few Middle Eastern books, and some African cultures as well, So this is not isolated to just Christian ritual and ship. This is literally everywhere.

I hate that which Africans saying they weren't specific, which is always a problem for me with these things where they go like in all of Africa, and it's like, I don't know, big dog, that that seems pretty unfair. There's so much of Africa. Y'all get a little specific when it comes to Lithuania, but then you get real when it comes we gotta know where fucking Nantucket is. Yeah, well there's some people in Nigeria saying it. Damn, there's some people in Nigeria, no offense, saying a lot of

wild stuff, a lot of princes, yeah, of scams. Well, I mean the prince thing is like it's kind of like a there's like a lot of people who are princess and like a lot of people who are princesses, Like I'm a princess on both sides, like, but it doesn't mean really anything. Are you a princess? Are we speaking to royalty right now? Both sides? Whoa you're a double sided princess. Damn what does that? But I mean

that and a nickel gets me nickel sup. Damn? All right, there's nothing you can like, you can't get, like you can't get a cow. There's nothing you can get from that now because it's all like tribal stuff, you know. So it's like, you know, I don't have any authority or anything. My family is the worst of tribes. Were like, we have no status in the tribe. Yeah, you're a double princess. We're like, just like we got some rice patties. Damn that hurts this This podcast has seemed to only

divide us as a group. We went into this and we all liked each other friends, and now you're surf somehow, and yeah, now I can't talk to y'all. Yeah, I'm sinister. It's all bad. They say we was kings, but we was friends once and now look at us. Yeah, this is all because of the left hand. You know who I blame the Christians. The Christians is a good place to point your frustrations, that's for sure. Apparently, also the Jews and some of the Africans. You gotta point out

a little bit of everybody, but they're all there. Sweeping at We're mad at all, y'all. We're gonna take more, more break. We'll be back with more, Maggie May and more, my mama told me. And we are back. Yeah, We're back here with more, agging May more, and my mama told me. We're still talking about the possibility that the left hand is bad, that it is sinister, demonic, even this is what the Christians are telling us. David is upset about it. Maggie is largely indifferent. She thinks this

is all foolishness. We're piecing it together as we go. Is that a fair a fair way to encapsulate what's been happening. I think that was a beautiful synopsis. Thank you so much. I do want to dig into the rest of this research, because I think it only becomes more painful as we go along. There was this dude, apparently E. W. Lane, who wrote it in his book eight in eighteen thirty six and Account of the Manners

and Customs of Modern Egyptians. He said, it is a rule with the Muslims to honor the right hand above the left, to use the right hand for all honorable purposes, and the left for actions which, though necessary, are unclean, which feels like it connects back to that poop conversation that we were having earlier. Honestly, if I think about all the things I do with my left hand, that one does check out uncleaned ship. Yeah, necessary, but unclean.

Here's where it gets I guess more unkind to left handed people, and specifically gives us a little bit more history in terms of the propaganda around it. In the nineteenth century. For instance, uh, French sociologists this dude Robert Hurtz noted that in his travels to Southern Africa, Zulu tribes would pour boiling water into a hole and then place a child's left hand into it, scalding the hand and preventing its use. They were boiling hands, maybe just

to keep you from being left handed. So how's that baby is supposed to wipe his ass with that boiled left hand? I think you wrapped some leaves around the nub and you you go to town. I don't even know what to say about that. I'm saying, has this been corroberated by multiple sources? Well, this was an eighteen uh eighteen something or the nineteenth century, So yeah, eighteen something.

I don't imagine that it wasn't cooked in with a ship ton of bigotry where he really saw one weirdo pour boiling water into a hole into it and it was like, God, damn, these Africans are wild because from what I know of the Zulus Shakazulu, right, very very ambidextrious warrior people. Uh huh. Yet they weren't boiling their own hands for sure that you wouldn't You would die off right if you were doing dumb ship like that. I don't think it's a great way to sustain the

livelihood of your nation. No, no, no, no no no. Especially wasn't that like builds like a warrior nation? Because I like when I was Ki seemed like he could kick everybody's ass. If you're a warrior, why would you want to have one less hand than the person that you're fighting? Is? Maybe my only thing I can see is you know how they claimed that was it the Amazon's cut off one. Oh, but you can't hit anybody with your titty, Okay, your titty is like dead weight.

You can't. I've also been on the internet. Happen Okay if I cut off one of my titties, ain't shit happening with this a cup. I'm not hurting anybody. I'm not clearly anyone or causing any damage with this titty bitty titty and there. I mean, they didn't cut off the titty to use them as weapons. They cut it for archery so they could draw. True. Oh, you thought they were making like I just thought it was hazing. I was what are you guys trying to prove? No,

But you're so hard. I cut my titty off like it was more of a an act of functionality. That'd be a bad day the day you saw a titty get cut off. Oh man, you're not gonna Yeah, you can't like go to work after that and and be at peace. What if they cut off the wrong titty and you still can't archery? You can't do They're demanding

that you do right handed archery, but you're left. Then you funk around and accidentally shoot into the sky, comes through your skull, and they're like, see that left handed person was unlucky. Shit. I think now we're getting to

the bottom of it. So here's let's keep going in some of these wild cultural choices during the Spanish In Spanish Inquisition, the Catholic Church would condemn and occasionally execute those who were who were left handed under the under What was the reasoning, I believe just referencing that one Matthew verse where they're like, hey, on the left side, you left handed, you the devil you did. But doesn't

God love sinners? I don't know if he loves them as much as he tolerates them, if they get this ship together. I think that is the opposite of what the gospel is like, I don't know. And all sin is equal. So you think, let's just be clear, you think God is You think God is seeing these sinners and he's like, fuck, yeah, another one, another one. You think that's that's where God is in this. I think God wants us all to do the same. Everyone sins, no one is immune from sin, and all sin is

equal in the eyes of the Lord. So my left hand is the same as you doing whatever nastiness you do on the right damn. See. But there's also this Bible verse about giving where it's like, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. So they were just like, we're gonna really make sure this left hand can't We're gonna cut it off. And that's enough for the Catholic Church to kill you. Yeah, they're

just looking for a reason. I feel like, especially back then, they were just looking for any reason to just be able to like chop some heads off and to that point, and I think that's a fair one. The in fact, during the Salem witch trials, that was also a reason for you to potentially be burned at the stake was was being left handed. Mhmm. Yeah, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry that you didn't do it. You didn't do it.

So here's where things get even crazier, because at some point science got involved, right up to this point where sort of like we're following religious texts and we're listening to to sort of like the religious leaders. But at some point science got involved and then connected left handedness with mental deficiencies. They're not true, I swear to God. Apparently there was this they basically we're trying to say, like, look, it's not their fault that they're this way. Their brains

don't work the way that they're supposed to. In fact, there was this dude, what's his name, Caesare Lombrosso, the father of criminology, as he's he's sort of known, once wrote when man advances in civilization and culture. He shows an always greater right sidedness as compared to women and savage races, who, even when they are properly left handed, have certain gestures and movements which are a species of left handedness. Well, I'm gonna be over here with the

women and the savages. It turns into a real racist and sort of like uh anti woman thing after a while. In fact, there there are other texts. This is maybe the most damning of them. Oh no, I don't hapen anymore. But there they basically became throughout history a major race issue, and then people started suggesting that the left was proof

of Negro inadequacy. That basically, anytime you saw a person using the left hand, they were often associating left hand with with black people and sort of like the the failures of black movements and ship. See I'm left handed and I'm black excellence. I love that you feel that way. Yeah, my brother, I hate that you qualified it that way. Like my left handed brother is the smartest out of all of us. Like he's just so like he used to read, you know, as for Tom Clamcy novels, and

like the fifth grade to read for fun. You know, like that's what he wanted for Christmas. It was ridiculous. Like he's a lawyer now, he's like super smart, just knows everything. He could pick up instruments in a day if he wants to. Like, no, we're very similar in that. Yeah, I was also reading Clancy Young. I will say that the last piece of information I'll give you, guys, is that it is now more or less understood that there is absolutely no difference between left and right handed people.

Uh that that we are all the same. But still, despite that, there are plenty of nations that still work pretty hard around the world to train their left handed children out of that behavior. It is not a thing lost in in time. It is, in fact a thing that's currently happening across the world. I hate that. I'm sorry they try to do it to me. They tried to block my light. Yeah, but you fought through that. You and you and Maggie's brother, you guys both fought

to the other side. And look at you now reading talk. We're some clancy reading fucking pillars of Black excellence. Hell, yeah, I don't care what it's a It's a beautiful journey you've been through, and I'm glad that we did it together. Maggie, this was this was lovely. Could you tell the people at home where they could find you and what what cool ship you have going on? Sure, I'm on all of the socials at Maggie May ha ha sorry may has spelled m a y e And um let's see.

I'm gonna be later this week up in the Bay Area doing a like a like a nice little festival. Well some little thing in a little in a little town in the Bay Area. Do you want a few shows here and there so you don't have a name for it. Uh, it's it's called the Mill Valley. The city is Mill Valley and they put on like, uh, like a nice little festival I think once a month

and they'll have like like it's an outdoor thing. There's like all kinds of stuff and it I think culminates with a comedy show that they have like every month and apparently it's really fun. They have people to come like every single time, some really excited about going. Yea Mill Valley gets some wine that that's what they've told me that they've got up here. They're like, we've we've got dinner for you and we've got great wines. So

it's like, shoot, well there it is. Go go follow Maggie on on the socials and go to Mill Valley and get drunk and watch her perform comedy. She's She's and as always, uh BORI please, I know I don't know what you were. I'm sorry, I don't know what you were kicking. Oh if you gotta plug yourself, man, you people where they can find you. Yeah, you know. Uh, July twenty one, I'm at the Washington d C Improv

Lab because I don't sell a lot of tickets. Come with me there and July twelve through sixteen albeit the Rumors Comedy Club in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I assume this has a large Canadian audience. And other than that, you know, just hug your loved ones. Hug loved ones, please, That's

what's most important. And uh, as always, you can follow me at Lengthston Kerman on all platforms, and if you want to send us drops, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you just want to send us hate mail, send it to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you or REITs in you. Afterwards. It's hard to know until we read it. Anyway, that's it. Bye, bitch Chips in your mails. Qualitators are racists, mostly money stuff I can't tell me