See You Later, Alligator (with Langston Kerman + David Gborie) (RE-RELEASE)

stuff I can't tell me. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove that Michael Jackson didn't fact invent the gritty on the hint of his music video they Don't Care about Us. That was a weird Michael Michael in Africa, strange time. Yeah, he got in trouble and

he really started focusing on global issues. Yeah. Yeah, all of a sudden, everything's very Jamaican vibe, which I don't think. I didn't like it. But he did hit the gritty in that video. I don't remember that, but I'm excited to go back and look, and I do I believe. I'm I'm invested in whatever you're pitching here. Do you think, do you think John morant Is is aware of this?

Is that going to change his position on the gritty even I often wonder about these kids who, like I grew up at the era where it was never weird till I Michael, Like, we saw him get weird, right, So I still had bad Michael Jackson, like everything before black or white, right, But these kids, he was always a freak. He was always just like right. I never knew him as dark skinned Michael Jackson. I by the time I mean, by the time I became aware of

Michael Jackson, he was already the transformed Michael Jackson. And so every era after that was just him getting weirder. He was already a weird Oh to your point, but you grew up with him as a viable music. He wasn't a joke when you were a little not at all. He was a very serious, respected man in and certainly my home and all the homes of the people I loved. Oh, we lit a candle for him. We're praying for you, Michael.

I pray those mean little boys don't get justice against you. Michael. Yeah, we leave the back door up, and you can you leave the back door unlocked. You can always come home. Right. I don't even know what side of argument. The point is, I'm saying John morand like that kind of guy. Michael

Jackson was always like a crazy cartoon character. Right. He's he's young enough that like he probably started Michael Jackson at Wacko Jacko era shit, right, which means that he it's oh, I'm just doing silly ship, right, I'm I'm jumping around the house like that freak on TV. Yeah, he doesn't know about the remember the time video, you know what I mean? You mean the man with no nose. Yeah, I think I'm gonna I'm gonna make fun of him. Yeah, I can do his dance holding babies over balconies. He's

not a serious person. But yeah, Michael, I I remember when Michael got that bob, that that short little bob was the worst era. I think the music was still hit no and and it was right that what was that that that sad song where the sort of like fude, yeah you are not alone. That was the one where he introduced the bob. And for me it was like, I still a serious man in my book, still a man I respect. I don't know the bob to me that he looked you know who he looked like. He

looked like who's he looked like Mike Myers? And so I married an ax murderer. It's like a very uncomfortable haircut, it is. I mean, it's a it's a phenomenal move to get the haircut of the boys you supposedly molested. Do you know what I'm site? It was some scarlet lettership it truly. He was like he was like, hey, give me the scared child. And the barber was like, say no more family, you mean like your man's who you brought in with you? Yeah? I got it. Yeah, yeah.

Can I do you have a question about Michael Jackson, because we're talking about him anyways. Do you ever remember seeing his nipples? I don't remember Michael Jackson's nipples. No, I don't. I will say, I don't think he has ever been shirtless in any public for him, really, I don't. I don't think so. And in fact, I think he went out of his way to never take his shirt off because the claim was his vida ligo was much more apparent underneath his clothes. But I feel like he

was always like wind swept shirts. Yeah, but he always had like an undershirt underneath that it was never chest out Michael Jackson as far as Oh no, I'm here to tell you. I googled Michael Jackson nipples image search. I got your man with his shirt off and the vibe the bob fuck, it's so bad. I gotta send this. Oh no, you're not gonna like it at all. There's no way I could. There's no way that I look up Michael Jackson's nipples and and it's a pleasant surprise.

I always thought that he had weird nipples here. I bet they're dark. I bet they're They're thick and dark. That's what you want it to be. That's not what they are. Oh wow, let's let's see what he's got going. Oh no, oh no, Michael, they're so pronounced. He looks like an inappropriate anime character, like dirty ban. Yeah, like this is it's teetering into hints Ie. It's not quite Hintie, but there's a lot of tentacles. Oh but he's gonna get in there. Oh I don't like it, Michael. What happened?

Because he's an in shape guy. It's not like he's like a bad bodied man. What what the funk? Happened to his nipples. Maybe maybe this is where it started. Maybe it was always that he had bad, bad nipples, because bad nipples on the dude, that'll suck you up. I've got bad nipples, and yeah they're there. I got, I got big ones. N Yeah, I got the like genuine nips. Yeah I don't. I'm not familiar with Genuine's nipples. You you seem to be a man well versed in

uh in the nipples. I've seen some nips. I have no doubt that you've seen some nips. Please don't for a second thing that you're out that I think you're out here nipp list. That's all I wanted to know. I just want you to know. But Genuine had puffy ones. Yeah I got. I got the puffy joints and and I don't love it. Uh, you know, because there's nothing you can do, right, I don't think so. I mean, I guess I could get like a surgery of some kind,

but that feels like les man. Yeah, I got porno nipples. I got My ship looks like he's kisses. Oh nice. Yeah, it's like one of the few good things I got. Everything else sucks, But ship blown out but the nips on point gorgeous nipples. I don't know that we can keep talking about nipples. I understand in this episode because we we have a conspiracy theory, don't have to do. We have a job to do, and and it's a conspiracy theory. I'm super excited to dig into. It feels

fresh for this show. One that that is rare. It's not. It's one that I'm familiar with. What But I don't think it's often associated with black people at all. But I do think black people have long speculated about this as much as white people have. The conspiracy that we're talking about today is my mama told me there are alligators in the sewers. Love it, You're already on board. Tell me, tell me what you know about this? Is there is this a theory you believe? It's this one

that that you tell your children. I've always had an obsession with under the streets since the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, definitely. I was one of those kids who like pulled off a few man manhole covers, you know what I'm saying, Like God in there a little bit, but then got too scared. But I it's a whole network of catacombs, and I believe that it seems reasonable to me that you could live down there. So you went so far as to attempt to hunt these these potential alligators. You

weren't just uh, you aren't sucking around. I guess. I don't know if hunt is the word, And I don't know if I was even going down there because of alligators. Is much is maybe looking to find some teenage turtle friends or something like that, Like, I don't know. I just always wanted to. I've always felt like there is a life to be led under the streets, and I don't think it's crazy that an alligator ended up in there. You've ever been in Florida, I've seen alligators on the

side of the high road. High wait, like, of course they could get in there. And then they start having gator babies, and they started I don't know why, but the way you said they started having gator babies felt bigoted, very like I was talking about Armenians. Yeah, it felt like you had a different group in mind that weren't the alligators when you said it. But you know well enough to call them alligators because yeah, your grandkids don't like when you talk like that. Yeah, I just don't

want one. Dating my daughter is I will say that that I similarly had a massive obsession with the teenage mutant Ninja turtles. Leonardo was my guy, which I now know is dweep ship for Yeah, he was a smart one. No, Leonardo was the the Yeah, he was like the responsible one. It's like you fucking loser. In retrospect, I think Donna Tello is my favorite. He he was the smart one and and also staff Yeah, exactly as obviously a Michelangelo guy. You're Michelangelo. It felt heck to me if I was.

He loved pizza and he had numb chucks. I was seven. There's it's like a low bar. That's all I want. He started living in your dream that yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're a pretty good guy. Yes, Leonardo was the blue one with the swords. Yeah, Leonardo had the sword. Raphael I think was a very popular first choice for a lot of people, but he was too grumpy for my taste. It was a hothead too. Yeah, I like the more reasonable man and Leonardo he always came in reasonable, you

know what I mean. The conversation that hand, These Niga Turtles did naturally progress for me into believing in all the living creatures that could potentially come out of the sewers, which for some reason I think are always reptiles in my mind, even though we know for sure are down there. Yeah, that's a good point. Why is it so reptile? Bit it's something about their cold blooded right, something about that seems to lend itself to being away from the light forever.

I don't I don't really know, Yeah it seems. And also it's like, oh, y'all, don't mind being wet and it wheah, yeah, when that seems like your vibe even though you like, yeah, you like it, you sick little

fuss knocking out of my house. I also felt the idea that like there's something of like an alligator seems like somewhat of a rogue animal to me, like that it could like exist away from other like when I think about like birds or like cats, they have to be like in the mix with all the other animals.

But like, for some reason, alligators, because they're so old, they're like dinosaurs, they seem to me like they could exist far away from everything, like they don't need to socialize like that, certainly not not with other kinds of species, like if they're they're together. Maybe alligators you know, hang out with other alligators, but they're not fucking uh chilling with like raccoons and ship exactly why, which is why the sewers is perfect for them. Yeah, now that makes

perfect sense. I I doesn't. It doesn't seem impossible to me. It doesn't seem like this far fetched thing. Although you know, and we'll talk about this more when we look at the research, there are a lot of people who do treat it as this super far fetched idea that it's like and no, absolutely not. There are no alligators underneath our streets and ship. Alligators don't even have to be big, is the other thing? M what are those little ones

you know? Uh or something like, oh, you're talking about funck now Cayman Cayman which you're referring to, But Cayman aren't actually that or they're not necessarily little either. It's just a different like mouth shape and head shape. Oh, they're not smaller. Now, they can be smaller, but they can also be big as fuck, like Cayman can be massive.

Okadn't that but gators, gators similar to to Cayman can range like to your point, they can be like three feet or they can be like twelve feet, and it truly, it just depends on the gator. And I don't know what they eat, but I feel like they would eat our trash. Mm hmmm. Does that make sense? Do you think gators are like they're like eating McDonald's rappers and ship Well, I think that I throw away a lot of rib bones and things. I don't think it's only

trash McDonald's. I've cooked for myself. I'm a grown man. Scrap some things like that that ain't nerve. I don't know what you looked this weekend, but but some meal you had this weekend, I felt like the wrong choice. And I brought up McDonald's and you're like, look, I I do other things for myself. I'm a big strong man. Oh man, you really did get me. I put cheese on a hot lake and I've been like, I've been like you gotta relax, like you can't live like bro.

My friend was like, he was like, that's like putting more frosting on top of a cupcake. Like, and I was trying to tell people, it's like we're at the lake, and I was like, oh no, it's good with the cheese, and everybody was like, what are you doing? Yeah, like, hey man, it's America's birthday, not yours. You gotta relax. Put your shirt down, take the cheese off, the hot wake, put those gorgeous nipples, those nips back, little chocolate chip nipples.

Put them away. You're acting wild right now. Yeah, so you caught me on that. That's fair. Let me ask you this before we take a break. Has there ever been in your home a conversation around the potential alligators in the sewers? Where you ever? Did you ever bring this to your mom, your family of any kind and say like, hey, y'all, here's what I think. Where y'all at with this? I don't think so. Because so this is strange my mom. I don't know if it's because

she's African, I don't know what it is. She has a very strange aversion to the Ninja Turtles, Like she fucking she hated the Ninja Like I wasn't supposed to watch it until a little older and then you can kind of navigate she like, and she's never really given me a good excuse why, but she hates the Ninja Turtles. So I think that I don't think I ever brought this up. This was like one I kept inside. That's fascinating. I don't what could the Ninja turtles have done that

made her feel that way. I've never had I've never really understood because it's like I could watch G. I. Joe. If you watch X Men, do you think it's and I'm just gonna start guessing stuff, but do you think that like there's some weird race thing inside of this where she like feels like it's some like this is the black people of of the mutant community and she didn't like the representation it was implying or something like that. I have literally never thought neither did I until just now.

I think she thought it was gross. I don't know, man, I think that she was fresh from Si leone, right, and then she comes here and they got these weird these turtles that eat pizza in the sewer and they're talking. That's kind of gross. I understand that like mutants you get because they like they got superpowers, but they still look like people. Uh. G I. Joe is just dudes

with guns. But it's just this gross abomination. Why were there no girls like everything about right that they were How were they gonna Because that's the other thing is why were they Why were there no turtle girls? Well, what were they gonna do? They went through puberty at some point. Well I and this this is maybe tough for you. They did add a girl at one point. They added a fifth Turtle for the I believe the

Third Turtle film, and her name escapes me. It was she's named after an art tiste eight but it's it's bad it yes, Venus de Milo or some ship in life. Yeah, so she was added for that film. Was supposedly like the Lost Turtle sister. And her her mask is light blue and yep, you guessed it. She does have titties. She has turtle ties. I hate that. But also the Lost Sister. That's not really getting it done, you know what I'm saying. No, you can't funk on your sister. Yeah,

doesn't really help at all. No, So them boys, and you know, we saw it over and over again. Them boys just had to be horny for a news reporter lady who could never really fuck them, and they just had to watch their friend in the hockey mass fucker instead. I don't think that they watched. You don't think so you don't think that these guys who climb through her apartment window every night we were still kids, like even more reason why they would feel comfortable going and sneaking

and watch her. Fuck Casey Jones. Oh, I hate that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what's happening here, but I truly believe they watched them. Fuck you know, let's put a break. I got well, David, this price lessing. We'll take a break. We'll be back when more, my mama told me, and we are that you got what I need. Yeah, We're back here with more, David boy, more length, thinker, I mean more. My mama told me. We're still talking

about the possibility that alligators live in our sewers. That they are, they are beneath our feet as we speak, running around. They're doing alligator ship, whatever the funk that might be. Are you at all worried about the alligators and the sewers? Does it feel like a threat to you at all? No, because I don't hang out in your train ditches and I'm not in the suitters like

that anymore. So like anymore, I don't mean that like that's crazy, that's crazy, Like I'm not even ever trying to get down there to get like a ball or I'm fucking they got their own life, I got you. Yeah, it doesn't bother me at all. What about you? I don't think so. I guess my fear is that they come up the drains right like. That would be the biggest anxiety that I feel. Yeah, I don't want to gator up my butt, you know what I'm saying, But that would probably be more of a Cayman because of

the smaller head. Yeah, they got that little head. They get up there real good, and then they you know, now they're in my butt hole and I don't want to. But beyond that fear, I think I'm fine with them living beneath us and getting ship on their foreheads. I guess I don't. I don't know what else could be the thing I don't. That's the thing I also don't. And this is, you know, showing my ignorance. I don't

know how elaborate the sewers system is. Like once you were referencing a lot of T and M M T or whatever, they led you to believe that they were like abandoned subway stations and shipped down there. I don't think it's that crazy, right you think? So you think there's just like a couple of pipes and and that's that. Yeah, I think it's just a couple of tunnels. Damn. I actually think it's I've always imagined it's like a world, the whole world beneath us, like that's you know, Atlantis

in my mind, the system. But why would it be that, because there there are and I've read articles about it, there are actual human beings that live in our not in our sewers necessarily, but in the subway systems underneath New York City. So it's like entire families and ship like have built you know, communities down there. And okay, so it is so it is elaborate. I think it's

pretty elaborate. Yeah, and they're down there. And I don't know to that point if that the sewer system and the subway system crossed, you know what I mean, Like, I don't know if there's a point where like that piping dumps out into this place kind of thing. And maybe it doesn't, and that is my own ignorance as well, but I do know that at least the subways are elaborate. So I would imagine maybe our our ship goes through a few you know, it looks like Futurama down there,

right right right right, right right right, yeah, mutants. Yeah. I guess I've always felt, regardless of what I know about the system, I've always felt like there was enough space to that to inhabit there. Yeah. And I don't think gators need like a lot, you know what I mean. Like they're not like they're not collecting big properties. They're just sort of this pipe works. I'm chilling here, and I'll come out to eat something and come back. They're

one of the oldest species, their toughest. Yeah, you know what I mean, they could like you'll be finding there. So this urban myth quote unquote, and I'm gonna put heavy quote unquote on this dates all the way back to the early nineteen hundreds that this this has been a rumor, a if that's sort of circulated all the

way back then. There was actually a New York Times piece from nineteen oh seven that I found where a city worker was bitten by a baby gator that they found in a sewer while trying to clear it out. So they see this sew this uh strange creature. They point to it. The boss goes over to try to check it out, picks it up, and it bites him on the hand. And then he's like, what the funk it's an alligator. And then this is where it gets crazy.

They traced the owner somehow, like they figured out who the gator belonged to, and apparently the gator had escaped, and they returned the gator to its owner, like they found this sewer gator technology. Yeah. I don't know how they did this. I don't know if they like put out an ad in the newspaper, like we found a baby gator if you've been looking for him? What's up? But something right, that's back when men were men, and

they didn't play the gator. That wasn't there's And I always get and this might sound don't come from New Yorkers. I just get the feeling that New Yorkers have a disconnect from nature and reality in that Like I feel like a New Yorker would try to just like flush an alligator down the toilet. Yeah, they're like, it's it's no Yeah, what do you want me to do? Take it to the woods? Yeah, and seating all of my meatballs. I gotta go all the way up down to Central

Box to get rid of this fucking no thanks. Yeah, Like, I don't know, man, you could have called anybody to help you with this. You didn't just let me go on the street. You It probably would be nicer than putting it down the fucking toilet. Yeah, that's a really gross way to do it. So in nineteen thirty two, there was a major gator hunt that happened apparently like New York as well. In New York. A lot of this is New York based sort of theory, I guess, like New York is sort of the hub for whether

this theory was born and continues to to blossom. But yeah, ninety two there was a major gator hunt organized by the police because some boys claimed that they saw swarms of gators near the Bronx River and in fear. As this sort of legend was growing and more and more people are claiming to have seen alligators in rivers, on streets, in their steward pipes, everything, they then decided that they

they armed themselves. They got rifles and went hunting for gators to basically like wipe out the steward gator population. So here's my first question. A few questions, were these white boys are black boys? Uh, that is a great question, and I don't actually know. It wasn't clear at the implication or at least the energy it had was white boys that these were these were white boys who found

this gay eater. Because now it makes me feel like the gator is gonna get emmett too or for lack of a better trip, Oh yeah that they they claimed the gator was whistling at them, and now all of a sudden, we're murdering a gator for for no reason. Right, they runted up a posse just because these little white

boys said they saw gator. Yeah, they said they saw swarms, which makes it even more hateful in the way that you're talking about where it's like, if you say swarms, you're being yeah, you're pretending like there's more than there are. There were like two of them, and you're like everywhere there were swarms. The windows were talking about like those gators weren't bothering nobody, big Uh, they were. They were grilling in the park just like you have every right.

They've been living here longer than your family's been here. Yeah, you know what, those gators are more American than you are, but you don't want to have that conversation, not today, not today. You just want to run and tell the cops. So in the gator round up, did they find it

doesn't seem like they did. It seems like they It just sort of created more kerfuffle, right that that the legend sort of grew from this, And the theory that this all comes from is actually that wealthy families would vacation and warmer climate and then return from those places to New York City with cute little baby gators as pets. And then the gators get bigger, they outgrow the space. You gotta put them in the bathtub. Now you don't know where to put your your side, where to watch.

New York City obviously isn't building for accommodating alligators. And so then they just get rid of the motherfucker's either by flushing them or throwing them out of windows, whatever

the funk it is. And then subsequently those gators buill colonies underneath the the systems because I know that the New York to Miami pipeline is real, yes, just like the people, So it makes sense to gators, what way right that they would also vacation part of the year in in Miami and then come back to New York talk about it like they went to a different country or something that you have to go. You simply have to go to Miami. Have you ever met a Cuban man?

You simply must meet one of these Cubans. But I've met four Puerto Ricans. You told me that. I don't mean that. So what gets even crazier is and I didn't realize this. In the nineteen thirties, baby gators for purchase were constantly advertised in magazines and newspapers, and they would ship you the gators by mail. If you wanted a baby gator, you could simply call a number from the newspaper and they would send you a baby gator

as a pet in the mail. Okay, so this is even more viable than it was like a fashionable pet to have. It was apparently like a super cool thing to be able to like buy a gator in the mail. This country, man, I mean, we've taken in light of a few recent steps, we've taken pretty far back. But we were going nuts. Yeah, we and stuff like this doesn't make me. It does make me go, oh, I see what they're talking about when they say make America great again? You know what I mean? Yeah, you couldn't.

You could do anything. You could just order alligators in the mail. Bro You could have called a number and had an alligator the next day. That's fucking crazy. Who sent him this and nobody? That's what made it so beautiful. There were no sanctions, there was not Everything was anything. You drift it. You could have it, man, just to get oh man, see so a lot of those I guarantee you that flush rate on mail alligators. No fucking way am I keeping a mail gator. There's no I

have no commitment. I didn't even go out and earn it. No, no, I didn't wrangle it. I just got it in a box. I don't even know if it came down or alive. It's got fucking instructions next to it. Um, I'm fleshing this gator. I gotta feed this thing pineapples? What are they? Don't you truly have no idea? What alligators that I love? I have no idea. Old chicken they meet, right they meet. I don't think it's pineapples. I think they think if you gave them one, I bet it would I bet

it's not turning down pineapple. It's not better than pineapple. No, it's a very good. So although the city and and experts claim that it's a mostly unfounded theory right that that there are not New York City the government says, so, the government denies that there are any versions of colonies

of gators living beneath the earth. And it is worth noting that one of the things that people claim now is not only that there are alligators in our sewers, but that the the gators themselves have now evolved to be like these blind albino alligators that basically are better at managing without sunlight and and sort of like fresh air the way that the average alligator would be able to live. Okay, because I've seen an albino gator at

the zoo. Yeah, no, there are real albino gators. They're saying that sewer albino gators are like a different breed that has grown from like they evolved. Yeah exactly. That, Like, I kind of have a tough time like that because like evolution, the one thing we know about it is

that it takes a long time. So they got albino and what three generations that seems kind of Yeah, seventy years doesn't seem like enough to like turn you your whole species white, right right right, right right exactly exactly. So I don't believe that, do I believe that maybe if there's a bunch of gators down there, one is an albino. Sure, albinos are everywhere I've seen. I've seen the multiple albinos in real life, so you know what I mean. And that's just walking around, you know, wherever

I'm at. You know what scares me is I don't know if albino is now suddenly like uh not the term that you're supposed to call somebody if they are talking about people. Yeah, like I know, I don't think you can call them binos. I think you have to. You gotta say the whole word. Yeah, you gotta have that. That's like the one. That's the part I do know for I guess you and I imagine you know this

from experience this. I just assume listen, I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be I'm not like on the street yelling at them. I will also say, though, I've seen so many more black albinos then white. But I think that's because of Africa say more like him in Freetown. You

pretty much every time you go out you'll see in albino. Oh. Because you know what's funny, We actually did an episode, uh not too long ago about the fact that there are a bunch of nations throughout the world, not specific just to Africa, that where albinos are are hunted, that they're actually treated like either they are cursed or that their bodies can be used for like uh, curses and

and hexes and and ship Asia. No, it's it's it's not just I think Australia probably focks around over there, but like the Philippines, I think they did that ship Nigeria they murdered their albinos for jest and ship for Jesus Christ. Uh not in Yeah, it wasn't like that necessarily, but we we digress. The point is, do I think that there are some magical albinia that's the least reasonable part of this whole conspiracy to me, that they've now developed into like some type of super see in the dark.

I don't believe that. I definitely think not swarms because I'm not racist, but I'm sure that's down there. So what's funny is, and I'm glad that you said that. Is that they're despite this, the city sort of denying it. And part of the reason that these experts say that it's not possible is that New York sewers are too cold and toxic for alligators to actually survive for very long,

especially if they're eating rats and raw sewage. They're they're basically, you know, constantly eating poison because of the ship that's floating around in our sewers, and that would kill them, along with the freezing temperatures and the lack of sunlight's freezing as hard as that city gets in the summertime. You want me to think it's freezing in the I think it's getting pretty cold. Where are our sewage is where there's no sun and you know, the fucking the

city is not hot all year round. That's fair. So they're just saying because so frozen temperate cany migrant. I also don't know, is there like, like, is there like an outlet where it would be like, oh, in the wintertime, you know they come out, Yeah, they go by this abandoned space eater and yeah, come out for a little bit. And then I don't I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I I to your point, I do presume that they're not just sitting in the same spot no matter what,

no matter what, Like they're they're no animal stationary. So maybe they're just figuring out, like I, this is cool for this part of the year or this time of day, and then I'll go over here where it's similar temperatures during the other part of the day or year. Right, Like maybe they got a brownstone in Brooklyn that runs the heat too much in the day. Yeah, the basement has like a real thin floor and they can just feel whatever's coming through. Yeah, they just soak it up.

So these experts deny the possibility that the alligators can be down there, But despite that, the city does acknowledge that they have to rescue multiple alligators a year. Even to this day, multiple alligators a year are being taken out of the sewards by the city. Multiple a year is insane. Yes, bro, if there's multiple, any more than five, they're down there, fucking right that this isn't just like

isolated incidents, now, this is no. No. I could believe up to five random people put alligators in the sewer at different places. Anything more than that those they're recreating one per borough is what David Bori says, One alligator per borrow. I mean that if it's happenstance. Anything after that, though, is they're they're fucking they're I'm with you on this. I I truly believe that if you're pulling out multiple alligators a year, and more than that, they're also fielding.

They said hundreds of calls every year of people either just curious about the alligator situation or reporting having seen something alligator related. Who is that guy who calls the cops because he's curious about the alligator situation. I think he's just like, hey, man, I've been hearing a lot of stuff for the past. No, no, no, no, yeah, I'll hold I get you. Got some other stuff going on, No, I handle the burglars and then get back to me.

It's gonna take a while, Yeah, but please just make sure you section off some time because I have questions, big gator questions. Do we have Do you have any

numbers on that? No? They tried to be I think particularly vague about it, and some of this I think this is the you know, this is that that's how they get you moment because this is them trying to to pretend as if this isn't an actual problem by by sort of keeping the numbers unclear, you know what I mean, Like this, this might be we might be dealing with a big fucking problem. And they go, oh, it's just you know, every once in a while we find a gator. It's nobody, it's not a problem. Yeah,

but like we feel a lot of calls. We feel a lot of calls, Like we save multiple gators. How many constitutes a swarm? Yeah? And and what's even scarier is that they're sitting and they're they're pretending as if the people who are calling are the crazy ones. Do you know what I mean? They go, you nutty sons of bitches, there's no gators in the sewer, But there are, in fact gators in the sewers. We recover gators from the sewer regularly, and they won't tell those people on

the phone. You know who we gotta get to as the gator butt Who's who's recovering m m hmmm. Almost the gator busters. But that's not a term. Again, it sounds racist, but no one does sound bad. That one does sound bad. The gator busters. There's no way, that's a warm, more group of people that you have affection for. No, that's not anybody who celebrates the culture, not at all. All Right, we're gonna take our second break. We'll be back with more gator talk and more. My mama told me,

and we are bad. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, we're back here with more David Borie, more Langston Kerman. We're still talking about the possibility that there are alligators in our sewers, that they're living down there, fucking and sucking and making gator babies that that then go on to do uh gator ship. We don't know what they do, and we certain David definitely doesn't know what they eat. Pineapples. I think pineapples is the best guests we've gotten so far.

I here's the thing. New York City is so big, um hm, and like I just I think this one is real. Man. I really believe in this. So one of the things that that sort of became the go to story and where the the theory really found its legs and maybe this will even help support what you believe in is that there was this big story in nineteen thirty five about a group of teams in East Harlem. So now you know what race. They are a group of teams in East Harlem spotting an alligator in a

storm drain. And then last so did out and that gator ended up being more than eight ft long and a hundred and twenty five pounds. Okay, so the reasonable young black man rescued gator, didn't run of the cops and cry about how they were swarms attacking their families. Well, let me be clear that gator was murdered because it did snap at the police and then the police stomped it to death. That's that's a legit thing. That are

you making fun of me? I swear to God this is what happened in the in the story, the cops stomped out the gator. They curb stopped the gator for snapping at them after it was found in a storm drained by some urban youth. So somehow the urban youth extracted this gator just fine, and then the cops had to stop it out. The cops showed up and murdered

the gator because because it did gator things. That's not even like a technology, no it they they truly, they acted purely out of like rage and passion when they killed it. Man, I hate that. But once again, eight foot gators, that's fucking that. It was. If it's a feet and there's something down there, it's sucking it. It's you don't let me get eight feet tall and I'm not fucking yeah, now you earned it. No, you're eight

feet that's too the victor goals of spoils. Come on, man, if if ain't nobody sucking you, I'll fuck you if you're a feet Yeah, got to got to what I see? This is just so in what year was that? That was nineteen thirty five? Come on, man, this is a consistent.

So now we have a consistent timeline of gators being found in the sewers, and more to that point, in the nineteen thirties, late nineteen thirties, the nyc UH sewer officials basically no, apparently there are like they're sewer officers, right, like people who are truly in charge of of our sewer systems. And it had become such a big conspiracy theory it'd be myth for everybody to be dealing with that.

They actually lead a giant army of sewer man down to the sewers to exterminate the gator colonies, so not just hunting one gator like the previous story. They went down there fully being like, Yo, we're about to go wipe out all the gators so that everybody could get it. Yeah, exactly, which also feels like environmentally kind of crazy, right. Yeah. I don't think you're supposed to just wipe out entire species of anything. You can't just be like we're gonna

go down there and kill all of them. No, Like you hear how crazy that sounds when I say it. And then so what was the what was the response on that? Did they kill some alligators down there? I don't think so, or if they did, I don't think it was enough to justify the man hunt that they sort of created out of this. Well, here's another thing. They live in the sewers. They were born in the darkness.

We merely adapted to it. We're not gonna go down there and like they're not just gonna be like, oh ship, you found us, right And we're sitting up there and I know people, people go yuck, it's poop. I can't And it's like the gators fucking love it there, dude, Just some drunk dudes, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, it probably wasn't effective, but I don't know how easy it is to hunt the gator on land, let alone

in its element in the sewer. I have trouble when I go to the few times that I go to the zoo, I have even seeing the gator and it's in his area. Yeah, no, the gator is yeah, because they hide. So I think that like, of course that you go and like, yeah, everybody's all loud, they got fucking torch lamps and ship like that. Of course they ain't catch any gators. Yeah, you're not catching no goddamn gators, you losers? Eight footer? What are you? A bunch of

Harlem teans. So the part of this, or the part that that sort of grew out of control, is that it the conspiracy comes starts to spread into popular culture, right that it stops being just news, and then it starts to appear in things like Leave It to Beaver had an episode about them buying an alligator in the newspaper for like fifty cents. Thomas Pensions v talks about someone buying an alligator in the newspaper as well, when

there was even this is my favorite thing. Uh. There was a movie called Alligator that was about a giant mutant gator in the sewer, But this is my favorite part. There was also even a nineteen seventy five porno called Suprentice are In, which involves a unit nurse treating a team of scuba divers returning from a gator hunting expedition in New York City. Sewers, Wait, that was all the plateau a porno? That was a porno. Yes, that's a

lot of exposition. It is, especially since it's about the nurse. Did they fuck that? But I think these scuba men showed up fully suited, and I guess, and I guess bit from from the alligators they were hunting. And she was like, boys, there's only one way to fix this. I gotta I gotta suck that gator poison. Why did she hit super We've really fallen off as a country pornal wise. They were really telling stories that they were telling stories. Now it's just like, oh, hey, how did

you get to my couch? Yeah? No, they had it. That had to have had a writer's room, you know what I mean? They didn't. That's a fool. That's a story. That's a short story, they went for it, and now yeah, it's we all. It's pizza delivery guys and and naughty teachers and like a lot of step sisters for some reason, I'm yeah, i am, but that's my business, as is your right. As a puffy nipped man. You can like, you gotta you gotta have something when your nips are

this big, you know. So. One of the things that then gets even crazier is that, despite denying all of this being real, the Sewer's Department at one point changed their logo to an alligator wearing sunglasses and climbing out of a manhole, and they even began selling t shirts that said, the legend lives underneath the alligator climbing out of the manhole with sunglasses. That's that's too brazen New York City. They're they're truly being like, yeah, this ain't real,

but we'll we'll get rich off y'all dumbasses. They think we're idiots. I don't think that we're dumb though, we're right, yeah, no, we're a hundred percent right. But they're they're trying to get it on both ends, you know what I mean, right, right, right, right, I gotta look this sewer alligator logo. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty hard logo. Yeah, I think I found it here is I I'd rock the ship out of the

T shirt that uh that that had that. Yeah. Man, see this is I think this all goes back to, like, yes, there are gators, Like now they're coming from us. They're they're they're like they're they're they're trying to make us seem like, no, you're stupid idiots. But like, the proof is in the pudding. All I've heard this whole podcast today is proof that, multiple multiple sources from different only in New York City, but other than that, the alligators live in the sewer. I gotta believe it. I'm I'm

my mom, I'm I'm pro. I'm pro gators in the in the sewer. You support the gators in the sewer too. I think I land on on the side of this is a very legitimate thing, even if the the experts and officials claim that it isn't. I will say that the last little bit that I'll share with you is that this conspiracy theory reminded me of an old news clip that I saw about snakes being in our toilets. And sort of like climbing up our toilets. And as it turns out, there are a ship ton of those

that like toilets. Yes, if you look it up on YouTube, there are places where like one man I was watching a video reported having had five four or five different snakes that he's now had to pull out of his toilet because they keep just finding their way in. And you were just watching those for personal reasons. I my my business. I watched snakes come out of toilets. That's naughty stepsisters and snakes and toilets. That's my ship all right, all right, I got, I got. Yeah, snakes to me,

for some reason, seems less interesting, less interesting. I've always kind of found snakes were stupid. I don't have reasoning behind it, but that's just how I've always Oh, they seem like brilliant, seductress type animals to me. You think snakes are brilliant and women? Yes, I think they're. Man. Maybe this is my own misogyny kicking in in a way that I don't love because they're they're not positive animals in the popular culture. But yeah, I think they're

they're like sexy like ladies. You know, snakes are sexy ladies. Snakes were stupid. Dude. Look, if you repeat it back to me, it's gonna sounding awful. If you just let me say it, it's fine. But when you when you say it back the way you say things, it makes it seem like I'm I'm a monster. I don't know what anything greets me on it. I just said what you said, you think snakes are sexy ladies is a very concise way of saying a thing that I didn't mean for it to sound like, you know, he said

sexy seductress. Your eyes got told Squinty. Look, all I'm saying is snakes make me horny. And I'm not sure why. The point is that the snakes are actually very common in our sewers and in our rather in our pipes, and part of what the reason or the reasoning for the snakes finding their way into the pipes as they like cold damp areas. But it's not that they're coming up from the sewers necessarily, but they're sort of like moving into drain pipes or falling into drain pipes from

trees and then working their way up the toilets. It's so it's it's less of the conspiracy theory of them living in sewers, but more them just finding their way into pipes and finding their way up them. But I mean, isn't that similar to what's happening with the alligators, Like they're kind of just finding their way in I think so, or being forced in by our own sort of like bad choices. And then you know, I think it's mostly that.

I think it's more. I think humans put the I think they live down there and they proke right now. But we are definitely the reasons that they're done there. Yeah, there's no way the alligators were, Like I, this is where I wanted to be the whole time. It wouldn't even be in New York, right. No, I don't think alligators are natural to New York City. I don't really think anything is. No, nothing's thriving in New York. No, no, no,

it's just a lot of surviving. Uh. Yeah, man, I I gotta say, I mean, I know we're getting towards the end of the episode. I I'm I think I believe it. I believe that alligators live live in the sewers system, and I believe that do your own research. Don't let Big Gator tell you any different. Yeah, don't don't let these motherfuckers who want to take down the Gator community convince you that the gators aren't real. They're very real, and they live beneath you, and and you

don't have to be scared of them. I think they'll mind their business if you mind yours. Yes, snakes are coming from your ass. Yeah, you should be terrified about the snakes. They're really They're gonna bite your gooch. They're the bit that's the worst the work. I can't figure anything worse happening than go in and just sit down on the toilet and getting just in your fucking like, oh my god, in your minding your business. You're on your phone. Yeah I'm fucking I'm doing word and it's

a tough one today. And here it comes a goddamn snake biting you. And now you forget you forget which letters that you didn't didn't use, you know what I mean. Also, I have to take a snake off my penis. Yeah, that's and that's gonna take a while. It's your days over. You can't just like slap the back of a snake's neck and be like released, No, it's not a pit bull. You gotta I don't even I wouldn't even know who to call. Yeah, they say when a pit bull bites you,

you gotta like kick it in the dick, Isn't that? Yeah? I don't know where snake dick is and our nuts, man, it'd be a lot easier if you did. Also, you think snakes snakes are women? There's no you don't. There's no nuts on your snake. I don't think all snakes are women. I'm not sitting here. Do you think all women are snakes? Excuse me? All right, we did it. This is enough. I'm not gonna sit here this abuse any longer. Didn't David tell the people where they can

find you on what cool ship going on? You can find me at Cool Guy Jokes City seven on Instagram. I'm gonna be in the Washington d C at the Improv from July, and I'm gonna be at Cleveland at Hilarities from August twelve to thirteen. And I'm gonna be at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Women to North Carolina aug Goddamn a lot of dates. Check out check out David while he's on the road, and as always, you can follow me at Lankston, Kerman. I'd love to

hear from you. I have dates too, but I always forget him and I don't I don't care to look him up. I'll be honest with you. I'm sitting here and I have the potential, but I'm not gonna do it. But you can follow me at lengths in Kerman. And if you want to send us drops, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what a terrible job we're doing, please send all of that to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. Otherwise,

that's it. Bye, bitch babies, crop chips in your pails. Quala bears are racist. The host mostly money, any stuff, really, I can't tell me