Sashay Cache: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Motherfucking mini episode, mini episode, motherfucking mini episode.

So I creep.

Yeah, I just keep it on the down low because no one else is supposed to know. Welcome Little Mama's and Gentiles are like to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the buckets of black conspiracy theories.

And we finally work to prove the conspiracies of you the listener. It's a motherfucking mini episode.

Let's go MANI short, sweet, we're knocking this bad boy out with you today, pop.

Short Like Shannon Sharp strokes, I'm not using.

Knowing some long strokes in there, ain't Yeah.

No, I bet he's a long shogun from way back. Yeah.

He was talking to her. You can hear a linen her ear in that video. It's it's it's a lot the time.

Getting sucked by and Sharp would be jarring.

I think if you're the type of person that wants to be fucked by Shannon Sharp, ain't nothing jarring. That's a good point. You want to get jarred. Yeah, you you're jam to be jarring. And that's what they meant by that. Uh, they're referring to the entire military.

You don't think she's served somewhere at some point. She served today because she and sharp. You know what you're getting. That's a lifelong bachelor, right, that's the whole thing.

Yeah, you're gonna smoke black and miles and drink his own whiskey and uh and and yell at oho sinkle and and you in the other room, and you're.

Like, does you want me to leave or stay? I can't.

He seems to value me so little. He definitely is talking as he walks in the room to beat it up. Yeah, he's like half his suit is on. He's just unfolding, unbuttoning buttons and not even make an eye contact with.

Like they're waiting for him to play his hand of cards at the table.

Yeah.

Now when I get Ojo, don't go nowhere. Now that's a box to excuse me, mid lady. Uh, we're gonna have to fat my foot, O Joe. He waiting on me.

Now, gotta be real quick, now, gotta be faster than a horse with no Bugget here we go. Don't touch my Cardso that's why he's fucking O Joe. I know you're not touching my card.

Now about I had.

What a great guy.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

Anyway, we're here to discuss an email that we got from you all, and we're really excited about this email. It's short, it's sweet. It comes to us from a person named Tea. Tea sent us an email and they said, Hello, Lakes and David. Light skin ranger here, ranger not ranger. Wouldn't that be cool if there was a light skinned ranger, like a.

Group that you would call on for R and B and.

Oh no, I was thinking more power rangers that.

There would be.

There's black, there's blue, there's green, there's red, yellow, pink, white, and light skinned.

Oh that's a lot funnier. I was thinking of like a like a service.

No, no, no, I don't need I don't need empowerment. I need literal magic powers.

Okay, I like that.

That's good too, lifekin Form. Since all this Chase Bank glitch stuff came out, we haven't talked about the Chase Bank glitch conversation at all. I've been thinking about the majority of people who have who I have seen doing this, I guess, which leads me to my conspiracy of the right designing and putting out info on how to do it take out as much of the black voters before election day? WHOA, it's probably not true, but with the

What do you think is the black bank? Wells Fargo.

Wells Fargo is the black bank for you?

Yeah?

I think I I don't know that. I'd don't think of Chase. Really, Chase is the hardest one to get for me in my life because of location or like they rejected your It's just it's like it's like it just feels like a high barrier to entry. Wells Fargo will give it to teams. WHOA, I you know what, and this is crazy, But I feel the exact opposite. Why I've always looked at Chase as an easily acceptable brand and Wells Fargo to me is where I like

Or Chase It.

Yeah, Target's probably right, It's probably it's not the worst, but it ain't, you know, Okay. I think also the problem here is that I was saying Target like it's a good story. I think that's also where we're getting confused. Yeah, I think there are better stores than Target, is what I have so far.

As where do you go if you girl on Sunday?

I think I aspire for more than Target. I guess is what I'll I'll say.

To you, Well, I love it. There.

The point is I'm said I was. I thought that that's I wonder why I always thought Chase.

Was really classy. I always thought that Chase.

I think it maybe it depends on where you're from and how many of them are in your city, Like chases are so common. I feel like in the cities that I've lived in that maybe it just has always felt like I'll always find a Chase bank a Wells Fargo. You gotta like hunt that bad boy down. That's like a rare Pokemon.

See.

No, I always thought Wells far they got them in safe ways here in any bank that's in safe way.

I know I could.

It's not great, sure, Yeah, I truly do think this is just a regional thing.

Maybe that's crazy.

Wow, that's so interesting, and it's all a lie, right, Like ultimately we're just investing with the same types of people and types of institutions, and you're putting your your faith in individuals more than you are, like the they hold my money better than the other people hold my money.

Yeah, we should probably all have a credit union if we're talking.

Yeah, some real like uh change in the world. No, we're we're doing the wrong thing supporting both of these institutions. But yeah, I've always I similarly have been brainwashed by their marketing and locations.

Wow. So do you have Chase? Is that too bad? Yeah?

Chase, I also have. But here's what I'm gonna tell you. I didn't get chased till I started getting money. I have Chased credit cards. Then I have a Bank of America. Uh no, I don't have the Amazon card. Actually, okay, I like them points off that Amazon.

I like that they gave me the heavy one.

So that was oh bro, I got too heavy axes don't.

But but yeah, I got I got relationships with all these banks, you know what I mean. Like, I got the fucking I got checking with Bank of America, I got the fucking savings with well Wells Fargo. I've got fucking a credit card with with MX.

I do it all interesting, now, do you think? But you never really were playing with banks, right, That's that's what it sounds to me. You've always been kind of reasonable.

Yeah, no, they don't. They don't have a reason to yell at me, and I don't have a reason to yell at them. Mostly see, I was a lot more faster. There was a bank that has since shut down.

Back in the day, they gave you two hundred dollars for opening uh checking account.

The problem is when they when you have a checking yum and get your checks.

So I've like I've bounced from bank to bank to I've bounced around and then for a long time, no bank, you collected your two hundred and then you pass go elsewhere.

And then I was.

A check cashing place guy for years. Damn shout out to money mark. Fuck Yeah, you never.

Catch a checking to check cashing please, I have, and I don't like how it feels. So now it's expressive.

Yeah.

They it's a bad feeling walking in there. It's a bad feeling explaining what you would like to do with them. They always pretend like they don't quite understand whatever you're asking for it. They're they make you feel low, and on top of that, they charge you for it. I don't need that energy. Yeah, no, and they.

Always don't believe you, especially for me, because my checks would be from the weirdest places, right, I'd be coming in, you know, every other week or so, you.

Know, with a new weird place check. Yeah, they're like penguins in Iowa. It's called penguins. Paid you five hundred dollars to tell jokes.

All right, big man, we're calling the cops.

Just we're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great.

We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy.

Come on, you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it says my told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is.

Who you are.

Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my mama told me that merch table dot com. It's a brand new name, but it's the same old merch and we would love for you to get some if you haven't got it already, and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.

I also think about this because tell me if this is as both being chased people.

When that shit happened, Bro, I wasn't my shit leaks so much right now?

It doesn't.

I don't even get scared when I hear about it. Oh, I didn't get scared for my money. I got scared honestly because I got scared at the possibility of not understanding and advancement in technology that was happening, if that

Yeah, it wasn't like about what I'm like, I I got can read.

That this ain't enough for you to have ruined my life. Yeah, I'm not even like, oh even.

If you are, if you got if you got all your money at one place, that's your fault.

Yeah, that's that's crazy.

But I do worry about it because like saving do you ever do that? Like if I can't buy it twice, I don't buy it. One type of thing I've never heard that. Oh really nope, first time, the first time, long time. Oh, I don't know what to say about it, but that's what I think about everything. I can't buy it twice, I won't buy it once. Wow, that's smart. I think it's actually comes from poor people.

But I think that's probably good poor people hand me downs versus bad poor people hand me downs, which.

Would be like get a credit card.

Yeah, our fucking Charlie finds the golden ticket in like chocolate. Then your grandparents are dancing in the living room like you don't motherfuckers, just then change ship for you.

It's not real gold, you idiots.

You're still poor. He's just going to see a factory.

Also, if grandpa can dance, he could probably work.

If grandpa can dance, he can certainly collect cans.

Got a lot of people up, old people up in that bed for no reason. I don't.

I don't care for whatever sexual y'all got going on, And I certainly don't care for four sucubises leeching off of what little money I already.

Make in my living room. No less, you don't even give me a space to think.

You think this is how I want to live with my wife and my child is looking at four old people instead of like like a goddamn what's that?

What's that? Game, don't bat you No, that makes no, you're right, you're right.

What's the game where you move the white and black tiles across the triangles or whatever and it comes in.

A suitcase Chinese checkers? No, it comes in a suitcase. It's Oh, I know what you're saying. It has a complicated name. I never played that. I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, damn, it would have been a good riff.

If that would have killed, that would have ooh.

Everybody been so jealous. I say, how how does his brain work like that? And in fact it doesn't work that good.

Somebody would have sent us an email have been like, thank you for your podcast being so funny and smart.

So, I mean, I feel like I say all this to say I don't I don't, I don't. I don't know.

Man, I spent enough time without a bank account, and I don't think I'm that weird that I don't.

Think that that's what that was for. There's other things you could attack to get us to not vote. Yeah, here's what I will say, though, And I do think this is where I become fascinated with this conspiracy, because I actually don't know that we're on the same side of this one. I don't think that that scam was aimed for the victims of the scam. Banks are ensured in a way that if for whatever reason, a bunch of money were to leave your account, you can be

Can I can? I say? Though, as far as that check fraud thing, that's what I was alluding to too. I had gotten a checking account because a bank was offering two hundred bucks to open the checking account. That bank folded, but before it folded, I was writing hot checks. Whoa, yeah, so.

You might have been the reason they You might have been that final feather.

Just forever go. I wouldn't even talk about it.

It's like, oh wait, no, I'm saying that, like that might have been the moment that that cracked their back.

Oh yeah, you wrote.

That final one hundred and thirty seven dollars check.

Brother, It wasn't It wasn't even that it was for Blackjack pizza. It was forty seven dollars. Jesus Christ. When you're down bad, you're down bad, brother, that's true.

But God man, paying for pizzas with checks feels like a horror show. It wasn't the greatest time of my life. So I say all that to say the idea that you can get entire communities to buy into a fraud that only hurts them and then subsequently puts a bunch of them in jail or at least on some sort of criminal rate that might make it difficult for them to vote for them to participate in any sort of

I am with that as well.

I think that because I also don't think that party lines are the big changing factor between our.

Corporate overlord's getting our you know what I mean. I don't think the corporations are like, well, no good gets blanked, we won't be able to fuck them anymore. Like I think, you know what I'm saying, I don't think it's anything that's like thinking too small.

They're all in goods, brother, I yeah, I don't think. I one hundred percent agree. There's no part of me that believes that the Democrats didn't also sign off on the Czech fraud proliferation right in the black community. I think both Democrats and Republicans shook hands. They shook lizard hands, and they said they kissed a little bit, not enough to lose focus, but a little bit. And then they said, we're fucking gonna get these apes or whatever they say in those private rooms.

Yeah, these damn dirty monkeys.

Uh yeah, I'm with you on that. So I think that, well, I do it, so I agree. I think it could be an overropping conspiracy. I think voting had nothing to do with it. I think that, Yeah, I think voting, to your point, is too small of a view, and I think it goes a lot larger of being like, no, this is how we keep society fed. And by society they mean like six big corporations who also have deep

But at least we're free, you know, all right? I think we did it.

Oh yeah, you want to sell the people where they can find you?

Cool guy jokes City seven on Instagram, Patreon, dot com, backslash, David Borie g b O R I E go buy my special Birth of a Nation. It's very funny and come see us on the start the Steal Tour. Start to Steal Tour.

You know what it is.

October ten, we're in DC. October twelfth, we're in Detroit, and then the thirteenth we're in Chicago. We would love to see you at those dates. And then there's other dates following very soon. But you know we'll announce though, and they're already announced. Go to our fucking link tree and buy the tickets. Why do I have to do all the work for you? Come on, be responsible consumers. We're coming to your city. I don't have to tell you the exact date every time I talk to you.

It's cold.

Bye bitch, motherfucking Mini ever Sel mini episode. Well, the fucking Mini ever sew.

Well, the fucking.

Mini ever So Minie episode. Well, the fucking Mini ever Sel