Ratasoupie: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Motherfucking mini episode, many episode, motherfucking mini episod.

Ain't nothing going on but the money and power. You many niggas out here count They be saving the hose, they be buying them clothes. But a nigga like me can I do welcome little mama's and gentiles, so like to another phenomenal episode of.

My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

And we finally work to prove the conspiracies of you, the listeners. It's another motherfucking mini episode.

I'm David Boy, I'm Likesning Kerman, and we're so happy you sweet baby booths have decided to tune in. We're so happy that we get to unpack your many, your your You all are prolific in your in your conspiracy theory. Reason you send us emails constantly, too many for us to manage at this point, really, which is really exciting, and we we do not complain about that one bit,

The topic was so great we could not stop and we just were really waiting for the perfect time to slow down and unpack this whole.

Yeah, you really want to give yourself a little bit of wiggle room to ask the right questions with this subject I would say.

Because I've think a lot of times, I think we feel the same way. It's the subject line that gets us. So if you want to get on subject line, that's that's how you got to do it.

I think that's right. I think very often a provocative subject line can sometimes supersede what inevitably becomes an idiotic email. Sometimes they're they're truly dumb, and we we had no business even reading the nonsense you sent us, But you hooked us right away with the subject line. And I'm not sure that this one's any different, but it got us from the beginning.

Listen. I think at the end of the day, you have to understand that Langston myself were both firmly planted in the millennial time zone, and that we will not read full articles. We will skim the tops and then tell our friends that's who we are.

Let's be clear, you at home are the onion, and we are only here for the taglines. Baby, that's it.

I don't give a shit about the real news. I keep my opinions up enough to just keep people's back off my back at like a party.

Yeah, I think that's right. I want to be in a way where if a subject comes up, I can throw in a thought and then walk away from that conversation.

And then go And then you'll find me at the Deviled Eggs. Yeah.

I say you had a lot of parties with deviled eggs?

Is that l Yeah? Lately it has actually been coming up, like because we had someone on Eastern I was like, damn, these are good as fuck. And then at Eastern I was like, the last three or four times I had doubled eggs, they weren't good. And then it happens a lot. Yeah, yeah, are you not?

I'm not at it often enough. I wouldn't say that that's a frequent thing that's happening. I am at a lot of parties with food, But I feel like a deviled egg party is as a step further into like sort of the food party of it all.

You know what I think it is too, is that La is not a Deviled eggs city, Bros.

That's fair.

I think it's just nobody's bringing like this is I live in Denver, Man, everybody, somebody's gonna think it was a good idea, you know what I mean. I still go to parties where people bring like a bunch of taco bell or some shit. Yeah.

I feel like in La deviled eggs are are too offensive to too many palettes. You just don't You don't even bring that because who's gonna want it?

Kind of exactly, you know what I'm telling your parties don't have punch. I had been to one punch party one time. Six years I lived in Los Angeles. Not one punch party.

Yeah, because we're all pretending to have money we don't have.

Yeah, yeah, just get some seven up, get some sugart, let's have a good time, you know, Relax, Bring the punchback. Summer twenty twenty four, bring the punchback.

Yeah, come on, I'm trying to see some sprite with a little bit of foam on time.

It's the best. It's the best drink. And if you guys got punch recipes, honestly send them in because I'm gonna be I'm entertaining this summer. I'm having lots of food parties. Oh nice, that's my plan. I am at the crib or are you taking this to like public spaces at the crib, I'm in the park a lot because of I don't want to bring it back up as much as I did last year. But obviously, you know, I have the boats, so I'm grilling in the park a lot.

You have the boats, you you have. I hope more race war wars to facilitate.

Yeah, I definitely Race Wars is coming back up at the end of the summer. Obviously. You know. I like to watch people race. It's like running and racing and fighting are the two things you're gonna watch no matter what the context.

Yeah, I think that's fair, you know what I mean. It's always fun, always, always exciting to see somebody lose, Always excited to see someone get punched in the head, you know.

Also always exciting to pit races against each other in tests of strength, you know what I mean. Always Yeah, that's how boxing works, right, It is fun.

I'll be honest. I've had a hard time with the results lately. I don't love the ratio of how our race is doing as it goes between like you know, black versus white fights. Specifically, it feels like we're not we're not up right now.

Do you think that's algorithmic though, or do you think that's the culture in general?

I wonder because I think so much of the culture now is driven by algorithms. So like Jake Paul does not become Jake Paul the now legitimate sort of like boxer if you you know, if we're calling it that without the algorithm already doing a lot of service for him, you know what I mean. Like he even if he was a great boxer, he never went through any of the traditional routes, so the algorithm had to help him skip a bunch of steps.

I think we don't have to say he is a great boxer. I don't.

I don't think that he is. But I also don't think he's as shitty as everybody wanted him to be.

I think he is. I think it's just like he's like, uh, boxing has become like you know how Formula Run is just for like the rich teams and then they just like they cheat the way that because they're all so rich or whatever. Yeah, it feels like that's the same thing when Boston were like, he's not a legitimate fight.

No, I don't think he's ever gonna contend for like have you know what I mean? Like, I know the difference between like the scales to some extent, but I'm saying that on average, there are very few people who are even competent enough to be in the ring with Mike Tyson at any age.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, it's not he's at least competent enough to not die.

I mean, yeah, if you're talking about like versus me and you are like somethinger on the street.

Yeah, But but that's what I'm saying. I think we wanted him to just be a motherfucker on the street and he's not that. And that's the sort of like frustration or confusion of it.

I mean, I guess I hate him. I just sorry. I just recently gotten a conversation with him about him recently, and I didn't even realize how deep it ran, but I was like, I hate that. I think it's bad that he does.

Let me be clear, because now I feel like we're not on the same page. I'm not a fan.

Oh okay, I thought you quit picking on my friend. Okay, that's makes one.

I thought I made that sort of established that just from my personality That's why I was like, what is he doing? I can't say that you've ever offended me more by presuming that I was a fan of Jake Ball, I am not. I think that he's a very very bad person who I wish desperately every single time gets his jaw broken off by the person he's challenged. You said, ratio wise, he will not stop winning, even against motherfuckers

You know what I like about this podcast is that you and I constantly pushed the threadsholds of being offended by each other. And I think that's a fun dynamic. I do too. Yeah, and that's what people tune in for every week to see how we can hurt each other's feelings.

Yeah, we we hurt each other and we come back giggly.

Some it's so fun. I mean, you guys don't know this. Before this license said something very hurt He called me an anti hero at best, and you know what, it was hilarious. I can't help that. Does it fuck with my personal narrative and how I go about living my life? Yeah, I'm gonna take a walk and think about some shit or whatever. But hey, that's his business. We're emotionally stunted and we're here for the last Let's get into this. Let's get into this email and stop offending each other

The Cord I knew growing up was a person named Cordero, Right. I don't know if that's that's a common thing or if that was just Cordero. But Cordero was Cord.

Okay, Oh, I have one question, and I just want to throw this out there. We don't have to get too deep. Do you know more black or Hispanic? Carlosis or Italian? I mean, I don't know. I don't even know where the names from.

Hmmm, Carlosis. Damn, it's mostly black people, right, I would say it's like two thirds Latino and then like one third black people.

I think it's the other way around for me. But I only know like four or five.

Yeah, I know like four. I know three and one of them is black and then to Latinos.

I you know what, I only know three, but it's the opposite. Two are black and one's Latino.

I will say I was very surprised at my first black Carlos, but then it became much more common in a way that I didn't anticipate at all, where I was like, oh shit, it does feel like it's ours, right, Really, I don't know, I don't I don't know how.

To explain it. I don't know. Listen, this is just a gut feeling. I don't feel that way. You don't feel like it feels. You don't feel like we would have Like if you put a one hundred black people in a room with the typewriter till the end of time. I don't know. I don't know how that thing goes, but I'm saying it feels like the name we would have made up at some point.

First of all, I like that you build on that monkey's typing analogy.

Would I felt wrong, It felt it didn't feel good. As soon as I started saying it, I was like, I don't think this is I don't think this is doing what you wanted to.

Yeah, to be clear, it's the allergy where you go if you put a I think it's like a hundred monkeys and a typewriter in a room for however long, they'll eventually like write a script, like they'll actually find their way into like a real story.

Well, you know what growth is about, acknowledge, It is about change and acknowledging your faults. So I'm sorry I did. Yeah, I was trying to impress you all, and I conflated black people with monkeys. Who among us? Who among us?

But to the larger question, what were you saying? I know, I think Carlos Carlos just for me, has always rang very Latino, and then the shock of black sort of like opened my eyes to a new world, I would say. But maybe I'm just ignorant. Maybe there's there's a world of carlos Is out there that I haven't experienced yet.

Well, here's what I'm saying. The two black Carlos's I know are from California. Maybe it's a West Coast.

Thing, now, see that I could see, because especially in LA there's so much Latino culture just cooked into LA culture in a way that like almost seems like that. I mean, in some ways it is almost the primary culture of Los Angeles.

I mean, I think of the West in general, like, yeah, the primary of the West, but it's like the urban West is very Latino culture so much so they're like when I go to Philly and nobody's talking about tacos, I'm like, what the fuck is this? Right?

Yeah, it's just everything has a little bit to do with being Latino out here.

Everybody drinks margarita's. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I was at a bar in Cleveland and they had patron girls patron bottle girls where they give out or no in Pittsburgh. This was in Pittsburgh years ago, they had patron girls where they were given out patron and I was with somebody. I was on tour, so I was with some from California and we were like, hell yeah, free patron and the girls were like, nobody drinks this out here because nobody knows what tequila is. We can't even give it away.

That might be problem that seems like a real Pittsburgh issue.

Yeah it is. I was like, I gotta get out of here, but also give me that free patron because that's shit, you know, that's a nine dollars shot.

We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great.

We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy.

Come on, you want to tell them what we have?

Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo and black and cat. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it. Since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.

Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my mama told me dot merch table dot com. It's a brand new name, but it's the same old merch and we would love for you to get some if you haven't got it already, and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.

Anyways, let's get to this cemil huh yeah, please, we've done enough so from cord not yeah, yeah, Cordero Corda. We don't know your name. The title Jamaican rat soup. Come on, you had usit rat, you had us a Jamaican rat. Oh yeah, hey like send it David, big fan of the show, been listening for years. It's better now that you had a day, so Legson doesn't have to carry all the weight of being funny and hosting. I would like to make it clear I think Legson is both funny and hosting.

Still, I don't think it was a slight I think that was the nice thing, Just that it just felt very It felt like a very clinical assessment, right right. What changed where it's like I'm glad you're here because Langston had too much work to do before. And it's like, yeah, okay, yes that's fair, that's reasonable, it's a hundred.

I wanted to be clear I will not be doing any research going forward, but I'm here. I got the jokes, baby, you got.

The jokes, and we appreciate those jokes.

That's all. That's all I ever wanted. All right, here's my conspiracy theory. My mother in law is Jamaican, like from the bush country backwards, Jamaican, that's your old issue. And she is always telling stories of local herbs and that they used there. She is always telling me how her granddad used to tell her which herbs to find and where to find them. Yesterday she told me that a Jamaican cure for asthma was to catch a wild rat, boil it, and eat the soup from the boiled rat.

Yeah.

I didn't care for that PS one bit, But but what do you want from my SCRD. It's it's it's a busy program. Quite honestly, you're lucky that we read that PS late and that we don't read the whole thing, because read it you would not have been picked. So how about that to the question of boiling wild rat? And wild feels very high intensity word there, because what is a wild rat?

How many rats aren't wild? Yeah?

There are. I just assumes that we're not talking about like grass fed, free range rats. We're talking about real fucking rats. That's how they get that way. It's by being out there, Yeah, doing rat stuff.

You catch rats? I don't. I never heard like a rat farm, right, and.

I think there are some like there used to be those kids at school. I knew like two kids at school growing up who had like a pet rat, and you you're always looking at them weird because it's like, bro, that's that's an outdoor animal. That's not even that's.

Not even meant to be. And my lower self esteem here is I dated a woman who had a pet rat. It was oh fuck, it was.

Yeah, they'd be like, they'll train them a little bit, and it wasn't.

It was they had that gross warm and I had I was like, I pretended to be cool with it, and then after a while I had to look at my heart and be like, what do you do it? No?

Wait, so when you say not trained, she couldn't even like take it out impeted and shit.

I mean she could take it out and petted, but it wasn't like it didn't do tricks. It was just a dirty rat. Yeah, it's you know, in the early twenties, you make a lot of bad moves.

No, yeah, that's not a girl that I would want to be with. But I respect that that that was part of the journey that got you to where you are.

I tried it, you know what I mean. You gotta try it or you don't want to try it, because I need it for you. It's it's jay z blueprint. Yeah, come on, Hovee did that? So hopefully you.

Ain't got to go through that.

Uh, I don't so, I will say off the top, I never heard of this in my life. This sounds I didn't even I guess somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that people might possibly eat rat. Listen, I've grown up in like, I never grown up. Rats have always been contaminated to me.

Yeah, I mean I wear a meal of And I don't mean this in a pejorative way. I just thought they were a meal of desperation. That like it was like, oh, we are a nation war torn and struggling to you know, feed ourselves. Therefore we eat rat. We don't just do that out of like part of the culture, right, Like.

I don't get the feeling that there are cultures where rat is a primary dish. Now, I don't know. I just don't feel like rodents in.

General, right Yeah, No, I don't think so.

Like nobody's eating like mouse salad or anything. No.

Yeah, I don't know that to be a common thing anywhere.

Except for those big ones. What are the big ones? Cucka bears kuype of Kika Capi bears Capy bears that those that actually looks like it could have some good meat. Yeah.

I don't know what it is, but that just the weasel family ain't exactly hidden for me.

Or I go like numb numb numb by that he means Jamaicans.

I I'll say this, I while I did not know anything about this, I I certainly had not had no previous knowledge of people eating rat as like part of a dish. It's especially interesting to me that this is medicinal. This isn't like what what cord is describing is not just that like, oh you eat rat because it's a secretly delicious dish, have some rat soup with your dad. It's they're saying that, like this is meant to here asthma.

That's a crazy one. Dude.

You can't breathe, chomp up that rat, Come on, man, boil that rat for about two hours and uh and well, kira a thing that we thought was permanent for most people. I think that's my understanding of asthma.

Stuff like this, though it only has to work one time, right, Like there was one guy who's breathing funny, he ate some rat, and then now it's like we eat rats. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.

It's like how they cured that dude's cancer that one time with like the weird I can't remember what it was, but they like did a bunch of blood transfusion things and then they cured them. They literally cured cancer with one person, but they don't really know how to replicate it. And you know, it's like, well, well, yeah, we technically cured cancer. We're an advanced society. And it's like, no, you just helped one guy and the rest of us.

Are awesome bodies are goofy man. Maybe one guy ate some rat in his aspa what a way. I can't I can't guarantee that those two things were connected, but you know what I mean.

Yeah, I mean we literally black plague wiped out I think it's something like fifty million people on the planet. It like literally killed off like an entire, like major percentage of human life on this planet. And it was all started and spread by rats.

No, we know they dirty. They're dirty, and I advocate for exotic meats heavily. Everybody knows that I stand for exotic meats. But rats stay stay in the garbage.

Yeah, they're they're a filthy, filthy bunch. So for this to somehow be a substitute for herbs, I'm gonna say that that's a bad plan. I don't I'm not gonna say that it doesn't exist. I'm certainly not gonna belittle the culture that sort of recognizes it. Maybe in the same way that like we eat pigs feet and there's no real logic to that anymore.

We're not saying that you're not gonna have sickle cell if you eat pigs feet.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know that we've made the full connection yet.

Yeah, the research is still the result certain conclusive.

I don't know that science says, uh, put pigs feet plus your mouth equals sickle cell. But I do recognize that you're saying that maybe we're causing bigger problems than ourselves, and we see that. But that said, I think rat might just be that for them where it's like, oh, you're holding on to a thing that like is somebody did instead of just being honest and being like we shouldn't do that.

That's not helping because also the smaller the sample group, the less I believe in the you know what I'm saying, Like, if it's just like if it's just like it's not even Jamaican's as the whole who say this, it's this like one small backwater town that says it, then I'm like less inclined. Like if it was the whole nation, then I'd be like, Okay, well maybe let's check it out. Well, this is where I think you're gonna get some troubling news. And the Olivia sent to us that this is a

So it does sound like in Jamaica specifically, there is a distinction between rats that would be digging through your trash and rats that are truly like out in the wilderness ass rats.

Right, I mean?

Also, yo, though I I I googled rat soup, I don't like it. Do they like leave the head in or some is it some weird it's.

It's just not cool.

Oh oh, let me get it.

Let me get Oh yeah, why is it?

Well, isn't meatballs?

No, that that's the Halloween recipe. You gotta keep going.

Oh oh, they just put the whole body in. Yeah, terrible.

Yeah, they don't even you gotta cut them tails off. Yeah, they don't.

Even for our listeners at home, they're not even cutting the heads or the tails. They're not like separating the meat, so you forget what you're eating. It's just a whole ass rat and his friends at the bottom of a bowl.

And that's It's a tough it's a tough look. I mean that being said, Listen, I'm all for an alternative medicine. I don't love big pharma either. That being said, maybe keep your inhaler on hand.

Yeah, I would say that there's maybe a fair argument to say rat soup can't be worse than us than like oxycotton, you know what I mean. I think there's a there's probably the the violence that these drugs have done to us is as substantial, if not more dangerous, than whatever rat soup could do to you. That said, there are other ways of solving your asthma issue, and you should maybe explore those before you eat a whole ass rat in juice as you.

Although if it's a bush rat that seems fine. I mean, just don't do the rat like the rats in my alley. You know what I'm saying.

If you eat a if you at home are thinking I should eat a New York rat, you are wrong and you won't be here for much longer.

Those are the worst rats. Urban rats in general are terrible, but New York is the worst rats, right, and I.

Of my experience, Yeah, they just don't give a fuck in a way that is exceptional to everybody else's rat.

Ow Like you wouldn't see that pizza rat in another city.

Yeah, No, it's It's like there were times walking home in Brooklyn at night where like I was scared because trash can it was trash day, and they all got lined up on the side, and I just knew every like twenty steps a rat was going to run in front of me.

And you ever see like in New York where somebody like somebody jostles a pile of trash or some shit and they all are run. That shit isn't Yeah, that shit's awful.

No, Yeah, I don't New York rats feel exceptional one I've said, I've definitely there are other cities I've lived in where the rat situation was crazy, but New York just just does it different.

Shout out to LA for not really having rats.

Yeah, yeah, not a lot, not a lot.

The only time I ever seen them is like downtown LA and rarely.

I see him. But I don't see them like that, you know what I mean, Like when I see one, I'm like, oh shit, right, yeah, exactly, Okay, I didn't know this was this kind of neighborhood.

They're true, they're they're they're The population is growing though, because I never used to see him in Denver. Now I've been seeing them and pigeons.

Like you think the pigeon population is spiking where you are?

I think somehow we're becoming more urban of a city. I seen. I was on the walk the other day, I seen black Hebrew is realites. M So if you have that's the three the three barks of a real.

City, those are the three infestations you gotta look out for. Is uh, rat, pigeon and of course black Hebrew is real life.

It was funny because where I saw him too, they were over they were downtown on the mall, and I was like, Yo, there's only Mexicans over here. What are you think? And who do you call for?

Black Hebrew?

Israelite? You know what I mean?

Reasing pigeons exterminator that's in the phone book.

Okay, I'm not we already got a target on our back. I'm not going. I'm not going. Carlos come out.

He's okay, he's all right.

He's a lot of things, all right. That one.

Olivia goes on to say that bush rats are considered to be clean animals, and according to members of rat eating communities, I don't like the way that that's what their meat is said to be tasty and healthy. Uh cdc quote unquote still working on it. Yeah, they're not working on anything, which is why we got to get a supplement. We do we we and I don't. I think we gotta. We gotta sort of find an angle that isn't really tapped into right right, Like I don't

What is that foring?

I don't know. But here's like if you got like a cool photo shoot coming up and you don't, right, you gotta take your pants off. You want to be a little.

Almost like like you know what, I know what you mean three quarters.

Yeah, you want that ship to be like popping, but you don't really want to have to like explain yourselfing, like you don't.

Want to be necessarily flexing. But they need to know there's muscles under the shit. Come on.

Yeah, I think if we could, if we could nail that supplement market, I think we've got a big profit coming our way.

Okay, see I was thinking we get we go for thickener. Everybody's worried about increasing length. Oh, we make a girth supplement.

Girth supplement. Okay, you're sitting on a fucking door knob now, Okay, David don't want it to get longer.

He just want that dang thing. Fa Why body, I think we did it?

I think yeah, I'd say that's fair. Can you tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you got going on?

Cool guy Jokes eighty seven on Instagram. I'm shooting my own special with my own money May eighteenth at Dude y K Studios in Denver, limited limited limited seating. The Lincoln is gonna go up on my Instagram soon. But yeah, it's a tiny, tiny room, very limited seating. But I would love for you to come out and watch me record the best hour of stand up comedy I've ever done.

It.

Probably clocked it like fifty two to fifty eight, but who's checking? You know what I'm saying.

That's a gorgeous number and I've I haven't seen all of it, but I've seen a bit.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's so funny man, and I'm excited to see what you do with it. As always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman all the platforms. I ain't choosy, come on over the Water's fine and oh come see us live May fifth at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, seven pm. Get all those tickets at Netflix. It is a jokefest dot com and then also check out every Everybody's in La John Mulaney presents. Everybody's in la. It's going to be on Netflix May third, May sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth.

God, it's so good, so good, m so good, and taste it.

Motherfucking Mini Episol Mini Episode, motherfucking Mini ever Sel, motherfucking Mini Episol Minie Episode, motherfucking Mini episod