"Put a Root on You" with Carl Tart

Quala bess be racist. The wholesome hostly money, she turney stuff. I can't tell me whoa Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to an exceptional, wonderful, spectacular episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep into the nooks and the crannies, and the bras and the panties of black conspiracy theories and we work to finally cast our vote on whether the California Raisins are allowed to say the

word nigga. They're black, They're clearly black, but are they actually black or are they voiced by some man named like like Anthony, you know what I mean, but not a black anthem, not infreny, but just a regular Anthony who's pretending to be a black man for money. Who knows it was a different time in America. I'm doing well. I'm your host, Lenkston Kerman as always, I'm excited to be here. I I'm in a bit of a weird

place right now. I was going down my Instagram explorer page, uh this past week, and for some reason, in the past day and a half, my Instagram Explorer page has now become almost exclusively old women with fat asses. That's it. It's these old ladies, these gray haired me malls with big dumps, big old dumps in their trucks. And I don't know what I clicked on. I have no idea what what I did to make this happen, but I

I'm struggling through it. I used to just see whale videos and NBA clips and you know, appropriately aged, thick ladies. But now it's somebody's grandma and I'm feeling something. I don't know if it's a good something or bad something, but I feel something. You know who's probably feeling something too. It's my guest today. He's a fantastic, hilarious person. So funny. He's funny and literally everything he does. You know him from Brooklyn nine nine, you know him from Robbie, you

know him from Comedy Bank Bank where he does. And I stand by this my favorite O. J. Simpson impression of all time. He's the funniest man alive. Give it up from my friend Mr curl Tarts. Everybody curled Tarts. Oh my gosh, thank you. And I just want to say thank you for letting me do this live with all those people coughing in my face. Those are not claps. Those are coughs. Now. They specifically said I'll come, but I got a cough How are you? Man? I am?

I'm holding up dog, it's you know it is. I'm still having a good time. I'm trying to. I got you. You got a ring light. I see you. You see the ring light. It ain't right now. I got you. You didn't give a damn if you're beautiful for me, but you have the option to be beautiful straight up. Every time I turn it that ring light, it makes me feel like I'm doing too much, Like it makes me feel outside of myself, Like when I bought it. When I said it, I was like, man, this ain't

you this. This is a different person I've created in the world, and then I've given people the impression that I am seventeen year old thug. Me is like, man, you've changed, because come on, dog, what you doing with a ring light? Oh? Man, I haven't committed to a ring light yet, but I'm sure i'll get there. If stand up comedy doesn't come back soon, I'm gonna end up doing some ship that you know. I also would have judged myself for no less than a year ago,

but we'll find out. I'm very excited that you're here. You sent me a conspiracy theory that I had heard before, but I don't know a lot about, or certainly didn't know a lot about before you sent it over. And I wasn't even sure if it was just like some wild ship that some people say, or if it was like actually a conspiracy theory. But the conspiracy you sent over, you said, my mama told me, don't eat spaghetti from a woman you don't know, or she might put her

mr blood in it and put a hex on you. Yeah, my grandmama used to say that, and my mama said it as well. Wow, So I'm from Mississippi, where that's okay, you know, the home of American slavery and the home of all of these conspiracy theories and like so you know, that was the one that that popped in my head first when I think about when I was a kid and you know, your grandma and them trying to tell you, like when you grow up, because you know, they expected

you're gonna be straight. There's no other option. They never even crossed their mind that like maybe maybe I want a man to cook me exactly, but like they're gonna say, when you grow up and you know, you start dealing with these girls, don't go, you know, spaghetti and you ain't seen a cook. And they wouldn't tell me. They wouldn't tell me why I had Later. They didn't start off by explaining periods to you and then getting to spaghetti.

They started with spaghetti and then later you discovered periods and realized there was a correlation. Yes, yes, when you're a little boy, they don't tell you what periods are. And even though I mean, definitely, there's been many times with my grandmama. My mama was sitting on the on the toiletone like winning pads out of it, like you know, well, they don't tell you what that is. Sure, he's just like, man, my grandma her niece must hurt putting pads all over.

And you know all our grandma was with thirty two when we were kids, so right, I grand my skateboard, So I guess she used these pads for something exactly. Wait, so how old were you when they first told you not to let a lady cook you spaghetti without seeing the process. I was probably like six or seven the first time I ever heard that whole tell like, don't ever let when you get older, don't let no woman

make you spaghetti. Yeah, I don't ever no one make you spaghetti that you didn't see your make And is it for you? Was it exclusively spaghetti? Like? Yeah? That was only okay, So this is because if so she's making like rigatoni and it's the exact same ingredients. That's fine, little little chicken palms all that's cool. Oh that's cool,

same ingredients, just a different shape posta but spaghetti specific. Yeah, that's the only one, because I mean, you know, you know, ain't nobody making an open and Mississippi right, that's fair. I feel like spaghetti is the one uh consistent crossover for black people in Italian people. Yeah. Yeah, Like that's the one where we're like in agreement about this. Everything else we're like, I don't know about that ship. I don't know how to cook that. That ain't my thing,

But fucking spaghetti will do it. It's such an easy dinner and it's so filling, and you can feed so many people on just like one pack of spaghetti, one bottle of ragou. Right, oh you're a ragon man. Yeah, I don't like Prago. Okay, I love that. Those are the only two. I don't like Prego. I'm all about that ragu meat flavored. Okay, you don't even you. I assume you put meat in as well, but you like

the meat flavoring. Addition to black people, don't make uh spaghetti without meat, No, no, you gotta cook the ground beef up first. Yeah. That's a jarring uh discovery for a lot of white people, I think is that black people almost exclusively eat spaghetti with meat or some meat substitute there. Spaghetti is not spaghetti for black people if

there's not something else in it. Absolutely so, you know how the noodles are never al dente without spaghetti, and you put the meat and the sauce in the pot and cook it with that. First time when I went to some a friend's house, a white friend's house, and they had spaghetti, it was separate. It's like you get your and you regulate how much sauce you're gonna put on that, And I'm like, well, this supposed to be all mixed up with some with some craft singles in here.

Excuse me, I don't think you know how to make spaghetti exactly where your craft singles. Why do you have all these pots? This is a one pot meal. Would you like parmagian? Would you like some parmesan? No? I don't want a damn parmesan. I want craft single. Give me crash, peel back that plastic and put a piece of cheese in there, exactly. Okay. So so you're you're hearing this at six years old, seven years old? What

is your your initial response? Are you immediately like, okay, for sure, I understand or is it just one of those things? What are you feeling? I'm feeling at this point. It's my grandma, and so I'm like whatever she says is right, you know, And so like if she said don't eat spaghetti and nobody's house. You don't you can getting nobody's house, you don't. Like. That's just like, that's just what I thought was a rule, And I didn't know that she was a saying it jokingly in a way,

you know, like ingest, not not jokingly. She probably really was like be careful, but also ingest being like because it's such an old thing. I feel like like she probably hearing that when she was a kid or whatever. So it's like she was saying like that. But you know, as a kid, you get scared of stuff like that. When your parents tell you legends to try to keep you in line in some sort of way, you get

scared of what that could be. And so, yeah, I'm not gonna step My grandma told me not to eat spaghetti that I ain't see the woman cook, so I ain't gonna eat it. I just love the idea of you going over your white friend's house and then eating that's but you have to watch the mom cook the spaghetti in order to eat the mix, the unmixed spaghetti that they're offering you. Afterwords, Miss Wikerson, what do we having for dinner tonight? I called my grandma. She said,

it's Okay if I stayed, what are we having that? Oh? We having spaghetti? Okay, all right, I'm gonna have to watch that. Unfortunately, I can't keep playing PlayStation. I gotta watch your mama cook spahett You mind if I sit at the kitchen the table where we just have a chat while you making well, just love to check your process tailors in the other room. If you want to play with him, No, I think I'm gonna listen. He's

a great guy. I'm really enjoying them. Thank you for what you did to raise such a bright young man. But I'm gonna need you to make that spahetti in front of me exactly. Okay. So, so you're saying that your grandmother, uh, there was a tone of jess to it, that she was probably sort of being silly, possibly because she's telling a six or seven year old that like a very you know, sexual thing that probably he doesn't understand. But do you think that part of her actually believed it? Yeah?

I think so for sure. I think so. Because also a lot of how do urban legends be started that you know, they all got a story about somebody who actually did with whatever, and that was like the conversation that that was when grown folks was talking conversation, you know, because it was like the first time I heard I think my auntie was over and my my mom and like my grandmama and they was all, you know, sitting

around smoking cigarettes or whatever talking. Don't you let him when you get older, don't you let no woman make you know, spaghetti, you ain't see it made it? And you remember And then they started talking a conversation. Do you remember Mr Billbo? You know his wife put some put a thing on him, she put a roole on him. Oh, they had real people they knew in the neighborhood who had been hexed. And therefore we're evidence of this being true. He started losing his hair and it was it's always

something that's like that could happen at any time. Wow. Okay, wait, so this is fascinating because when you say hext, and we should really dig into what hext is in your mind? What was the actual threat of of the period blood mixing with the pasta sauce that your your grandmother and your mom were threatening. Was it was it going bald

or was it something more sinister? I think well, technically due to misogyny is probably real, sinister, but like, like I'm sure we'll get into that in the history of it. But like when when they were saying that, they were basically saying, like, if you eat a woman's period blood in your spaghetti, this is insane. We're talking about this. If you if you, yeah, this is what we paid for.

We're doing great. If you eat a woman's period bloo in your spaghetti, you will be forever indebted to her and in love her, and you won't cheat on her, you won't go nowhere, you won't do nothing. So I think they were kind of like mixing up, you know, situations they had. They had situations of like you remember so and so, and it was never like the person that we actually knew. It was like their brother that

lives in Detroit, you know, or something like that. It's this third person's story, yeah, or secondhand story rather that may or may not even be true, but it's enough, it's connected enough to a person they know because they're like, fun, yeah, don't do it. This is what we believe. Also, they would accused whenever there would be men that they knew that all of a sudden fell in love with a woman. Or like a person like that was always like in these streets and then all of a sudden they like,

I got my I got my woman with me. You know again, she doesn't put she will put us something on him. Yeah, I know, she didn't spaghetti. I forget the word they use. It wasn't hex. But it was like she put a rude or agree or some him that they will use something like southern like kind of French creole type thing that they would use a word that they would say, put that on him, right, and

now he's finding spells and nothing else. It was that these women were somehow throwing into the mix at this pasta. And that's it's so funny that you say hex isn't the right word, because hex, to me is such a Southern country word in and of itself, you know what I mean, Like I think I'm from Chicago. Would we would have said cursed or like uh you know yeah, y'all like hex? Yeah? Is your family from Mississippi? No?

I think so my grandmother in terms of like my black family, my grandmother the furthest back that they can sort of trace. It is like Indiana, which ain't really tracing anything. You know what I mean, like her father was from there, and I don't know much beyond that. Yeah, but you I assume you grew up there. Your family is still there, My family still there. You know. Everybody

who stayed after Hurricane Katrina, everybody pretty much there. A couple people went to Houston, a couple of people went to Jacksonville, other places that are very prone to hurricanes. I got you are they are they They're like, I like this hurricane, but I got to try some of these other hurricanes. Are they superstitious people in general? Like? Is that are they highly superstitious? Would you say that they're somewhat superstitious? Where they fall in the superstition scale?

Somewhat superstitious, just like Southern things. I feel like a lot of that stuff comes from like preservation and protection from black people who grew up in terrible times, you know, so it's like watch out for this, watch out for that. You know, it probably all stems from that same type of thing. Probably all stems from like African stuff too, you know, like they just got passed down over the generations of these people, like from the Middle passage on

through too. Like why this has happened the way it happened, and it's just like, you know, like how all of us kind of got like don't sweep nobody's feet, you know, or like I'm sure you've heard that one where it's like somebody stand next to you, don't swep the feet, you got spit on the broom. I didn't hear the spit on the broom, park. I didn't know there was a cure to that. I just knew you weren't supposed to sweep someone's feet. Yeah, if you sweep somebody feet,

that person got to spit on the broom. Wow, I don't point out a graveyard like stuff like that. I never heard that before in my life. You got so many of these, it's a spectacular. I think what's most amazing for me is that, like, Okay, I totally agree with what you're saying that a lot of this is sort of like, uh, it's a game of telephone for our fears, right, and sort of for like the logic of yesteryear. So like some person migrated to this country.

Migrated is a weighted word. They were invited against their will to this country, and they came with traditions and with beliefs and information from a place that they used to live, which then sort of gets like broken down and mixed up and turned into ultimately what becomes a don't sweep somebody's feet because you're gonna like put a curse on them. And then they got to spin on a broom and that probably is rooted in like it was.

You know, the broom is dirty, and if you sweep their feet, maybe you're like spreading a disease or something, you know what I mean. Like it's sometimes it's a simple thing that we then make bigger too, just continue a tradition. The word I was thinking of his root put a route on them, a root r O O T. I assume that's how you spell it. I just remember, like put a like let me see if I can google,

because that I guess that makes sense. If we're talking about a root, it's like you're you're working with them at the core, you know what I mean, like at the base of them. Yeah, you put a route on them, that's what. Yeah, So you put a root on somebody and then and then they fall in love with you forever or won't cheat on you, or in the case of that dude that lived next door to your mom, loses his hair. Yeah, and I was his brother who lives in Detroit. Okay, in the South, you put the

emphasis on the d. It ain't Detroit. It ain't Detroit. It ended up in Detroit. The other part of this that's really fascinating is you're saying that a part of it is just people getting changes in their life. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like, you're like, ah, that dude who used to be out here in these streets is now committed to a lady. And we're all in our twenties and thirties. So maybe he just matured and

committed to a nice person. He was just ready to grow up, or she put a spell on him permanently changing the way that he lives his life because he left the barbecue too early. All right, Yeah, I'm gonna get on out of here. Me and the lady gonna go lay it down, you know, rest up by some will of fortune. Oh, she don't put a route on him. That ain't the man we know. Or if the woman was like kind of like mean or something like like if he would like went to go get an extra

rib and she was like that's enough ribs. You're right, babe, I got to watch my colesterol. Wait a minute, he didn't know cholesterol before this motherfucker's routed. Yeah, she put a root on him. That's hilarious. Okay, So even with that, do you think that when you're your grandmother, your mom, your family members are sort of talking about this, do they think of this is like demonic? Is this like the work of evil? Or is this just a thing

that a a woman or a person could do. I think they equated to like demonic and stuff like anti god stuff for sure. Sure. Yeah. Right. The fact that this ain't in the Bible, yeah, means that it's it's not of God, therefore it's evil, yeah, Or is it in the Bible? Is there some woman in the Bible that put her hex on a man? And because that's that's probably where it's probably the root of just misogyny

in general. On top of being like you know, misogynistic culture that we already is, but like think about women will do these type of things to you, you know, like saying that No. I mean to that point, almost every misogynistic thing I could do, I could cite a Bible verse. Yeah you know what I mean, Like if I decided to beat my wife. There's a verse that will be like, yeah, he had to do that. She was she was being unreasonable reading and being herself. Well,

he had to he had to beat her up. Good. It is wild. That's how they justified this ship. I feel like there's a Bible verse for everything we talked about. How like there's a Trump tweet for every dumb thing that he sort of does or says. Whatever there is, there's probably a vibe there. People quote almost the exact same Bible verses for justifying slavery as they do for justifying white slavery was never a thing that you should

be allowed. Yeah, that's sort of like this insane or justifying homophobia and and rejecting homophobia, some of these same texts are like identical, but it's just the way you decide to read that. That's the way people put contextualize this stuff. And it's crazy to me, like just just contextualizing hate, right, it's wild. I just I just needed a reason to hate you. So I'm gonna go to this three thousand year old book and allow that to

be the source for why this is okay. Do you remember that you used to watch when you were a kid, Like maybe with your grandma or something, oh so much. Remember the snake Church? I oh that was the one. Yeah, tell me more you So it was like that. I just remember this episode of forty eight hours or not forty eight hours. What was that show? Sixty minutes, not sixty minutes, fifty minutes, and they just went to this church that everybody was like jumping around like bleeding the blood,

like with snakes in their hands. And they were like, you just bring out these big buckets and maybe Jesus with these snakes. And I think that's still a thing. Like, so forgive me if that's your religion, if you're listening to this, and like, I don't want you to get the dear Lankston, I don't write me right, Carl, he's the one, your snake god. He doesn't believe in him. He said, it's it's crazy. I am extremely afraid of snakes.

So I believe that it's out there if y'all want to believe it with I've been watching a ship ton of Naked and Afraid. In almost every episode they're like introducing a new snake that can murder you. And so the idea that you would then incorporate that into your Your relationship with an omniscient god is fucking wild to like this. This thing is uh is not your friend. It's actually like not at all interested in being around you. So why would you want that to be how you

speak to your lord? Especially in like uh, Wyoming, what they're doing, like and like Missoula, Montana, they worshiping snakes and it's like, man, I was out here chilling. I'm not about right. There's only eight people in Wyoming. Why would you one of the eight come get a snake and then trap it and not just let it free in this big space? Are you're really about to talk to guy? Because I'm about to bite your assid kill you.

Oh man, Okay, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna be back with more Carl Tart and more, my mama told me. And we are bad. Yeah, I'm brown, guidess. Ain't nobody got time for that. We're back with more Carl Tart and we are back with more, my mama told me. He is telling me more and more about this route that might be put on you if a woman were to put her menstrue old blood in your spaghetti.

I here's something that I'm fascinated with. Was there any alternative in your youth for a man doing something to a woman. No, there was never. It's the same way right now. How you notice how quick and I found myself doing this before mm hmm. I had a friend who, first of all, this is the word that we shouldn't used to describe anybody. But none of us are perfect.

How easily we call women crazy, like if they get or hysterical or something like that, if they a little bit off the rocker, you know, if they're dealing with something, let's give them a little bit more respect, Like you don't know what they're dealing with. If they're dealing with something. You heard it here, ladies, Carl, thanks you off your rocket, your couple, a couple of eggs, straut of easter basket. No, but we were talking about this dude who is a

buddy of ours, who was doing some wild ship. Like we were like going through these unconscious mental hoops, trying to not necessarily defend his behavior, but just trying to figure out, like, man, what is going on? What is he doing? He did he did this, and then he did that, and they did that, and then another friend was like, yeah, that's the same thing at home girls doing It's like, man, yeah, she's crazy as hell. And it was so quick with us, like wait, why didn't

we call him crazy? Is he crazy too? Yeah, they're both acting up exactly. We're using the same word, the exact same behaviors. And so I think, to your point, so much of it is rooted in the fact that, like we just want to call women crazy for ship, yes, that of being reasonable and being like okay, no, we

all act up exactly. Got some things that we go through exactly Misbehave you never heard of any men doing any type of witchcraft type stuff, right, Like that's always been reserved for women in those like historical things of any sort like that, And so yeah, it's all it's all misogynistic in a way. Yeah. So I did some research. I did some deep diving into this conspiracy theory. I wanted to see where it came from. I wanted to see what what connections it had to some of the

things that we're talking about. Is specifically, I did want to find out if there were any male alternatives to putting menstrul blood and even uh nonsiss gendered women alternatives to putting menstrual blood in uh someone's spaghetti. And what I found is that, uh, one of the words that kept coming up is voodoo spaghetti. I don't know if y'all ever called it that, but they're basically calling it voodoo spaghetti. Um. But it's connected largely to who do

you know? Who do? Like old school like witchcraft type like, But I think it's specifically for black people and not like africanized you know, black people or people from like the greater diaspora. I think it's more like African American black people made who Do? Which is like a weird trail mix of a bunch of other different sort of like witchcrafts and and magic and all that stuff. And so this one is largely connected to who Do. And one of the things that they say is that it's

all rooted in pheromones. That like, the reason the period blood is so essential is because you're making your pheromones attached to the man's scent or knows and then his conscious because of that, and then he's connected to you forever. And like you said, he either is number one going to uh never cheat on you or he's going to commit to you permanently he'll never leave. Yeah, so so

it's just animalistic essentially. It's what they're arguing is that this is just animal tactics, which makes sense, you know, giraffes and fucking goats like p on each other or like each other's p yeah, exactly to figure out if like, oh, this one makes me horny. I like the way or piece Mills piss on a fire hydrant. Now it's yours.

We'll never leave this fire hydrant. This is ours. So the part that that I think is especially interesting when it comes to other groups, or rather other genders and other uh sexualities in all of this is that they say the alternative to menstrual blood is either seeming or urine. Had you heard any of that. I've never heard of anything of a man like putting, like pissing in anything or coming in any of this root. That's disgusting it,

but that's what they're saying. They're saying that if you, Carl Tart, decide that you have a nice young lady that you want to keep forever, you could just jerk off into her spaghetti, and in theory, you are creating the same curse that are route that someone else might have put on you. Honey, tonight for dinner, we're having alfredo. It's especially white. This this got oh my gosh, this

is crazy. Okay, I want to read you a quote because the person, especially from the website that I found that was sort of breaking down a lot of this stuff. She has a quote about her practice because she says that basically, you can use urine, you could use semen, you can use period blood. It's not necessarily all rooted in just needing to be a woman, although that's sort of where it's started. I think, you know, for the same reasons you said, because of misogyny and these weird

backwards approaches to how love works. But okay, a quote from a woman named Katherine Brian Woe Day. I think it's how you would say this, and she says I have done this often. She's referring to placing these texes on her lovers. She says, I have done this often with uniformally good results. I have directly fed gobbits of minstreum to my lover from my fingers, as one might feed a pet. This was done to bind him, but to avoid the sneakiness of slipping it into his drinks.

I want him to know how much I want him to be mine and to know that I am working the spell on him right out in the open. That's some freaky ship and he knows if he knows, they are some real freaky ship of manstream manstream from my hand, I didn't know what a gob it was. We learned something new every day, we got a new vocabulary word.

We learned it in a disgusting way. That so, I think what makes it fascinating is that for you when you were growing up, this was presented as like a secretive thing that like this was exclusive to women, sort of doing it in this backhanded way, Uh, to to trap a man. And she's saying, no, I do my my spells in the open. I finger feed him like a pet. He knows, he knows what he's getting, right. Is there any quote in there where he responds like, yeah, she'd be doing that. Hey, a gob it's a guy,

you know what I mean. I had a couple of gubs last night, you know, a little fool my stomach this morning. Uh, somebody's like, you want to go for lundie, Like, No, I had a big old gub it last Actually gonna be good about two or three. It's not my feeding when I'm an intimated fasting. You know it once four o'clock hits. I have a couple of guy but you know I need But at that point I get a minyub since I want to until midnight, so I go

to sleep. I'm on a strictly gobbit diet. It's sort of like, uh like Atkins, but you know it's gobbits. This is wild. Yeah. So this woman, I think specifically, it's sort of doing this thing where she's trying to update the conspiracy theory or update the of uh let's call it wizardry of whatever. This is the magic of all of this where she's saying it isn't specific to just women. This isn't something that you have to do

in like secret. This very well could be something you keep in the open, and any gender or sexuality or identity way of identifying yourself can participate in this kind of magic. So she's taking the stigma out of it, I think so, or at least trying to. I am releasing to take the stigma out of it. It's not witchcraft, it's not bad. Witchcraft is associated with evil. I'm doing this from a loving standpoint. I want this man to be forever indebted to me against his mental will in

a loving way. I can't have him doing this in secret. That's got to be out in the open when trap him. Okay. The addition, and this is the part that really pushed it over for me, where she sort of talks about, uh, the inclusion of other groups in this is she says that uh, and she I think is specifically referring to when a woman is not menstruating. But she says that when a woman does not have menstrual blood and so that includes like you know, a transperson, that includes a

person in menopause. That's all the different various ways that a person may or may not have their menstrual blood available to them or at all. But she says, when they don't have menstrual blood available, they are encouraged to use vaginal fluids gathered after masturbation during the full moon. But during the full moon has to be a certain gotta be the full moon. Uh, you know, I can't. I can't listens get personal for a second here. Okay.

You know we've all had our share of of intimate partners, and we've all, you know, been about that freaky ship. Sometimes I ain't never went down on a woman and been like, well, full moon outside, I think this the one? Or have I do you think you have? I mean you're married now, man, Like I am, Mary, was it

a full moon? First? I have no idea. And that's what I said it to my wife the other day, because I started reading about all this stuff and I tried to run it past her, just to get a sense of of what I you know, if I'm saying something wild or inappropriate all that stuff. And I was saying, I can't say for absolute certain that you haven't put a curse on me, that that you didn't hex me. But then I was like, well, you don't really make spaghetti, but she was like, I make zoodos. I make uh,

I make posta saus and zoodos instead of spaghetti. And I was like, damn, so that you could have easily put something in there. There you go, she says then and then just rolls out of the car. Why y'all driving? She just offs herself like I told him, I guess I got to die. I caught you. I wonder about that. That's interesting. Now I don't be looking for full moons and be like I can't you get you get that call from the backslide and it's a full moon, and

she's like, what are you doing tonight? You want to come over in netflix? Hey, I'd love to get you out, but it's a it's a full moon. It's all curses work. Yeah, it's a full moon out there. I don't think me and you are gonna go any much further than this hook up situation. I don't want to be forced to. I don't want to be forced to by the laws of nature. Therefore, I'm gonna stay at home. I don't need any who do happening on me, So I'm just gonna chill. But please call me in three days that

moon is slightly less full. It's gonna be boys gonna be outside looking at the moon being like, okn't I can't do it tonight. I get trapped. Okay. So one of the things that I, I especially, was concerned about with this is is there any possibility of this being um risky, like beyond like being trapped right, like beyond the concept of like, Okay, this woman who I may or may not have been meant to be with, tricks

me into being with her forever? Is there like any chance of like a disease coming from all of this, And so there were quite a few articles that basically said that eating someone else's blood is not good like fresh You're not just supposed to eat someone's fresh blood like the gobbits. That's not something you're supposed to be tasting from another human being. Well, you know, you've seen tweets where it's like, uh, a girl be like, y'all

ain't mature. Y'all man ain't mature because y'all ain't going down on your girlfriends when they on their periods. Y'all think that's nasty. Y'all think there is a grows my man is mature, and it's like, see and if there's if there's, if there's medical proof that that is not

a good idea. And they don't say it's just that blood carries a lot of like pathogens, right, and blood borne pathogens specifically, So they don't say that it's dangerous, assuming that you're the person you've committed to is clean and safe and all those things. But if you're just going down on women willy nilly, part of the commitment you might be making is that y'all share a disease. Now,

all right, I guess we go together. Since we both got this, I guess you're gonna be my special someone forever, or at least for another eight years before we don't exist anymore. Oh my god. Okay, this is the other part that I was really fascinated with, which I didn't consider. And this actually goes back to what you were saying about the sweeping of the broom. Right then, if you sweep across someone's feet and then uh, you could spin

on the broom and the curses released. I didn't realize that these uh curses had alternative ways of getting out of them. So I want to read some of them to you and get your thoughts on each one. If that's okay. Okay, Hell Yet, if you are cursed by a woman, and they say woman, but I think at this point we've established it applies to all people. But if you are cursed by a person, you have three options.

Three options. Number one, A doctor can perform a purification on the man on the subject, such as washing him in a bath of rue herb tea, smoking him with uncrossing incense, and then dressing him with van Van oil. All right, let me get a pen here. Just make sure that all checks out. There's nothing in there, nothing there that I don't think I mean incense, I guess, I guess like burning sage or something like that. I think it has the same quality as burning sage. I'm

sure that you know. I don't know what crossing incense is. I have no idea what van van oil. Crossing incident is. Probably just going like this. You can see me, they can't see me, but like just like waving your hands from side to side, cross motions with your arms, like okay, these incense crossed. You're good. Okay, So that's number one ouction number two. If the man has been rendered impotent by the enemy woman. The enemy woman is what they phrase it, or how they phrase it, rather uh, which

apparently is part of the curse that like. The curse is just a general curse, but often it's used for love and commitment, but could easily be turned into making your dick not work. But if the man has been rendered impotent by the enemy woman, he can perform a specific spell of his own, such as drawing cross marks on his penis for nine days or pissing into red ants uh to restore his manhood. That's easy to do,

pissing fire bed A fire ant bed, that's easy. Do you know where a lot of fire ant beds are sort of like located. I mean in the South for sure. My grandma's yard. We used to be running around with those shoes on and get eight up. Yeah, so you do that. I actually could not tell you where I would find a fire in bed if I were to be cursed with impotence. Yeah, I mean, you probably have to check a couple of aunt beds. But if you,

you know, just knock the top off of it. If the if the ants come out red and they're mad, they're moving fast, p on it those fires yea, all right, Well, I gotta get I guess this is really a sign that I gotta get to know my aunt community a little better. Just I don't want to just uh mess up and p on regular ants. I gotta find some fire ants in my community. Regulars like we can't help you. Come on, brother, you're just being on me for no reason.

My house. Okay. This is the last one, and this, uh, I would argue, is the most jarring of the options. It says that the third option is the man or a root doctor working on his behalf can get back at the enemy woman and reverse the spell by capturing some of her menstrual blood and laying a trick for her, such as stopping her blood up in a bottle with nine pins, nine needles, and nine rusty nails, then hiding the bottle in a hollow tree where she will never

find it. She'll get female trouble and we'll have to leave that man alone. Okay, that's the that sounds danger us. Also sounds hard to accomplish. It doesn't sound easy at all. You just gotta not only get access to her menstrual blood, but then you have to have enough of it to fill nine jar with nine needles, nine nails, rusty nails, and nine something else and then put it in a tree. You gotta let some nails sit out in the rain.

You gotta get needles. You gotta find a tree that's hollow enough to where she can't reach in there and just grab it out. You have to do it in secret enough, so I guess when she's like at work or something, you have to find a find a tree. I do love the idea of a working woman who also is committing hexas on people. It's like, yeah, she's she's a you know, a wizard, sure, but she she got a day job's act. She also works at the credit union. She's a wizard with them numbers, you know

what I mean, but also with real magic. She of some evil stuff to people. Also. To have that much period blood just sitting around, like, don't touch this right, where are these jars of period blood that you're somehow like able to access? It's a wild theory. So one of the things that that I even in terms of like the the amount of period blood, which I was

always curious about. I don't know if this's ever crossed your mind, because when people say put period blood in the spaghetti, I assumed that like it was like a diva cup's worth of like emptying it out into the spaghetti. But apparently the the most common strategies are to put like, uh, a string in their vagina and then soak it up

and then just sort of stir that into the spaghetti. Oh. So when you do like the around your fork situation next to this phone, you had a spoone and you round it with the fork, the string is just in there and you don't know, I don't know if you leave the string in I think you just let it soak for a minute and then you pull it out

because it's like left enough of like the residue. I guess they also say you can use a tampon and just stir that like a used tampon and stir it in, because when something dries, it'll become less dry as you're stirring it into the leagal. I just want to give a shout out to everybody who's still listening, who's getting this info. I want to give a shout out to women who are writing this down. I want to give a shout out to the men who are putting their

nails out in the rain. I hope that we are encouraging a bunch of women and men to hex each other. Why do I feel like this? I know I don't like this woman, I get it, Thank you. I never wanted to be with her, But here I am freaking up. All right, We're gonna take one more break and then we'll be back with more Carl turn and more. My mama told me we are Yeah, we're back here with

more Carl Tart and more. My mama told me, we are still talking about the hexes that anyone of any gender in any community can put on another person by sharing their bodily fluids unbeknownst to them or beknownst to them. Is that? How is that a thing? Can you say? I mean, the one lady says her man is benounced, the goblet lady is benounced. The goblet lady does assure us that her man is beknownst the entire time that he licks it off her finger, much like an animal. Okay,

I want to play a game. We're gonna play a fun game. Uh in. This game is exciting. It's a game that I like to call. Okay, here we go. I'm going to present you with a pretty innocuous, pretty widely supported fact, and then I'm going to ask you to make a much more sinister conspiracy theory from this. Any conspiracy theory you want, you go as far or is not far with it as you want. Just the only correct answer is the incorrect answer. If that makes sense,

sounds good to me? Hell yeah, so Okay. The fact that I am presenting to you is that Elvis Presley. Are you familiar with Elvis Pressley? I am also a Mississippi native. Oh that's right, he is from Mississippi. Do you do you have fond feelings for Elvis? Absolutely not. Okay, sure he stole a lot from your people. Absolutely, My granddaddy was real. Elvis, say your your uncle Tart was

probably the man who who he originally stole a ship from. Absolutely. Okay. Well, Elvis Presley on the day that he died, I'm sure you're happy to hear he didn't make it. Elvis Presley the day that he died, apparently before he went into the bathroom. You know, he died on the bathroom. He was actually going to read a book while he was going into the bathroom, and before he went into the bathroom, his final words, apparently the final words this man ever

spoke out loud, were okay, I won't now. The White Man will tell you that the reason he said that is because she told him not to fall asleep while reading the book in the bathroom. I want you to hotep that ship. Brothers and sisters, welcome. My name is Mujaheed Mussin Bay. I hope everybody is drinking their water and eating their green vegetable, because nothing that comes out of the ground is white, So please put that cauliflower away, Brothers and sisters, Queens, kings, queens and kings of a

different nation. I came here today to talk about brother l Vis Presley. Should I say, devil Elvis Presley? Who stole you know, so much property, so much land, so much from the brothers and sister the kings and queens of yesteryear, real land, fake land. He stole it all. Yes, that's correct, that's correct. And before he took his untimely trip to Hell, which I assume is where he is located currently, he graced us with the words, no, I won't. Let's break those down. No I won't. How many letters

in the phrase no I won't. Seven seven the divine divine number. If you think about it, triple seven at the casino. That's bingo. That's a jackpot. Let's break that down, jack pot. Seven letters. Also, think about it, y'all. Don't hear me, y'all, don't hear me here, You all right, think about this. No I won't. When do you say no, I won't? You say no I won't. When you don't want to do something? Okay, No I won't, Yes you will, No, I won't. Think about that. What he didn't want to

do was give credit to the black man. But everything that he had stolen, the land, the physical land, the metaphysical land of music, what he stole from Chuck Berry, what he stole from Little Richard. Yes, they said, give it back. And before he walked into that toilet to flush his life down to hell, to empty himself for the last time, empty himself for the last time, to shoot out all of his enters, he said no, I won't, and then died. Think about it. That's what he didn't

want to do. He won't. He didn't want to give credit to the black Man, to the king of which he stole and made millions his whole career. Grace Land, No grace Land. He died with no grace. Think about it. That should have been called king Land. I hope all of you people are drinking your water and you are eating your greeen vegetables. Look, those are black voices cheering for you. Hell yeah, I do think there's probably. Well, first, let's let's remind everyone it was okay, I won't. But

I love that you made it. No. I love that you said fuck it. It's no. This man was a bad man, and he said no. As far as I'm concerned, that's just a rewriting of history by the white devil to say, okay, thank you, mm hmm. But I do think that there is some legitimacy to the possibility that it wasn't just like this charming final conversation of her being like, don't fall asleep in there, and okay, I won't. I bet he was probably like, Elvis, are you gonna

give back that music? You still no bucket? And then he died. This is the company you having with his maid? Right? Yeah? I think it was his girlfriend at the time. Maybe they were the same. I don't know. I'm not an Elvis historian. I haven't kept tracked I in doing looking up for a fun fact about Elvis. I did realize that that he he's a karate expert. I didn't. I didn't know that that he's actually they say he's a black belt and that he goes by like something like

Tiger Man. It was his uh was his karate name, which I didn't know they gave you karate names. I didn't know that was like a thing another thing he stole from the black Man, his belt. I hope you were drinking your water and eating your green vegetables, all right, man, Well, this was fun. Yeah, man, I had a great time. This is a great time. Carl. Can you tell everybody, uh, where they can find you, what they can look out

for to to see more Carl Tart. Yeah, if you had home bench and TV, you can see me on all your favorite shows. I pop up every now and then say a couple of words, give a give a hazy look. Uh, you've seen me on Brooklyn nine nine. Uh, you can see him on Superstore. You can see me on your whole NBC Thursday Night lineup whatever it is, good place. I was on that. Uh and soon well, I don't know when it's coming out, but the Keenan Show is called Keenan's gonna be on NBC. I was

a writer on that. You can out. But other than that, listen to the Flagrant Ones. It's a basketball podcast I host with two guys, Hayes, that important, Sean Clements. Uh. They also host the show called Hollywood Handbook. It's on Patreon. So please reach into your pockets and give us your five dollars. Everybody y'all getting no stimulus checks. The Republicans have proved them once again today. So you're gonna have

six coming. Go ahead and make that five. Go ahead and make that five night five and listen to my basketball podcast. Yeah, why would you waste that money on food and sustenance when you could listen to Carl's basketball podcast for almost a fifth of what the government is gonna give you. It's a lot. It's a lot when you think about it. This is the basketball podcast. We're gonna be talking about the bubble. Uh. And other than that, just follow me on Instagram at damnit carll d A

M M I T c A r L I deleted Twitter. Okay, alright, pe to Carl's Twitter, but please follow him. He's so funny and so I'm so happy he was here. And as always, you can follow me at Lengthston Kerman on both Instagram and Twitter. I'll never leave you Twitter. You mean the world to me. I love how toxic you are. Please keep breaking my spirit every day. Uh? Have you turned off your notifications yet? I haven't turned off my notifications, but I do feel like that's coming. Yeah. I can't.

I couldn't do it no more because even after turning off all my notifications, I was still seeing ship and and it wasn't even just people directing stuff at me. It's just the take culture of Twitter. I just had to be like, man, I'm out, dog, I can't. I don't want to sit there and see like I never want to see another vet's it. That's the tweet like situation because it's never a take that I care about, even if it's something that I actually do care about.

I don't want to see you talk about it right now that you said it's good, I don't like it no more exactly. I had to go. But I'm still on Instagram posting pictures looking at ants. So send nudes, ladies, send nudes to Carl at damn it Carl, And thank you so much for following and listening. And this has been another amazing episode of My Mama Told Me because I've been my crop chips in your nas Koala bears are racist, mostly money, very stuff I can't tell me.