That's why I would you hear you hear something mostly right when you go like I like I like dogs more than people. That that's crazy, that's crazy. Yes, I think when they say that, they're saying I like animals more than black people, right, that's what it feels like. That's like, I like animals more than people who don't look like me. Everybody else I'm pretty cool with, and I rank above in him. Like if you have Spider Man's delima when he could say, Barry Jane, what the
train call? But accept it's a dog and a bus for the black people. Chips and yours are racists money stuff. I can't tell me. Yep, yep, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove that Chuck Berry had to have invented rocking roll, because what's more rocking rod
then secretly filming hundreds of women while they ship. You think Elvis Presley had that kind of commitment to the art. No, he did not. Elvis may have died on the toilet, but Chuck Berry lived on that toilet. He lived with a terrible, terrible conscience from all of the terrible things he did to the women he hurt. That's that's my that's the theory I'm spreading this week. I think i'm your host, lengths Thon Kerman. I'm happy to be here. I'm talking about crimes of Chuck Berry. I guess that's
that's the energy. I'm coming in with, a little hot, a little weird. Did y'all know Chuck Berry watch Women? It? I did. I've known it for quite a while, and I'm happy to share with you the listeners at own. My guest today, he's shaking his head no, as if to say he didn't know that Chuck Berry filmed Women Shitty. But it's an exciting revelation for everybody. He's a wonderful stand up comedian, fucking hilarious. He's been on on Comedy Central.
He most recently and most importantly as a killer fucking set on the stand Ups on Netflix season three. Y'all need to go watch the ship so funny. Please give it up for my guests. Mr Bryan Simpson, Hell yeah, damn. I didn't know that Chuck Berry watched people's ship. Yeah, well, women, he's not a sick Oh what how did how did it win? How? How? Apparently and this is like, you know, he had to have really invested because this was back
when cameras were big and challenging to mount. But apparently he like would set up cameras in bathrooms and in his home so that he could he could have that footage, and then he he edited together to like basically have like a super cut of just ladies taking dumps. And so when he got arrested, FBI found all of that. I didn't know any of this about Chuck Berry. I just thought he was like a forgotten hero that had been robbed by the white man. I mean it's that too.
Both can be true. You can be robbed by the white man and a real fucking sick oh you know. Yeah. The last time heard was like they don't give a chuck about no Berry. Yeah, wow, he was feeling people shitty. Man, they all got that thing. I guess I don't know. Yeah, So it's like he would throw away the urine ones. He would he didn't want to see baby alright, I mean I guess that's how you think of something like
rock and roll. Look, you think you could have written Run Run Rudolph if you didn't see somebody's ship, you know what I mean? Like, you gotta see somebody ship to feel inspired in that. We've got to be operating on your own frequency exactly. That that ship that had to come from something real dark and real heavy. And
they also invent the poop fetish. I don't know. And that's a great question that that maybe we need to explore in an episode, is that that Chuck Berry also is not getting credit for a different invention that he very much should be getting credit for it, because maybe Rock and Roll activated that fetish in in you know humans, m hm, you know maybe before there's no prior cases
of people having a poop fetish before that. Yeah, and in a in an odd way, I do think that the poop fetish has has similarly been made to be a white sensation, right that that we sort of poke at these odd fetishes and we, oh, well, that's white people do that nasty ship. Black people wouldn't do that, and that's wrong. Chuck Berry invented that ship, and we got to take back our poop fetish you know. Yeah, I don't think we were getting me a pushback there either.
I don't think white people are gonna be like, no, get no, you've gone too far. Well, well, who knows, man, that's an organization for everything that may be. That may be like a sub reddit for poop fetish people in preserving the history of Maybe there's one a a poop reddit Redding. Yeah, No, there's gotta be. If there's a boy Lovers of America or whatever, there's gotta be a
fetish Yeah. I like to think that there's It's it's less of like the entire reddit dedicated to the history of it and more just there's a poop reddit, and some historians are a part of the poop reddit, you know what I mean, Like they come in and they hit the group with facts. Yeah, that seems more likely. Yeah, we keep talking about Chuck Berry and Poopy or Brian because you came to me with a conspiracy theory that
I think this is gonna be a good one. It's one that I feel we've we've sort of covered on many episodes of the show, but never in the way that you're presenting it, and certainly not to the death that we need to go today. But you said, my
mama told me Black people don't like dogs. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, like my mom because I think, honestly, man, I think it comes from the old, old, old black need to present us as clean as like an encounters like almost like a subconscious counter argument to that we were dirty. It was like it was like the animals aren't in the house, damn, all up on the bed, all up in the counter, none of that. And so like my mom is, she is adamant about it, Like the animals. She won't come to my house because I
have a cat. So she won't even visit you because you you have gone into this quote unquote dirtny space by hallowing an animal into you. Now, now she may come in, but she definitely won't eat. I feel like I can sit on your couch, but I'm not. I'm not eating your food. Yeah, damn. She's serious about it too. Do you so? I I assume based on that, so your mother was the person who introduced this idea to you? Then? Yeah? And so with that, do you did you believe it
when you first heard it? Because now you have a cat, you obviously are I would hope an animal lover was the holerable. I've never I've never heard it from her. She just behaved that way. Oh but yeah, you I rarely saw any black people growing up with dogs that weren't like for protection purposes. Right, everybody's dog had a function, not friend. It wasn't none of these little dogs, these little cute dogs. You know. It was a German shepherd, it was a pit bull, it was a rot wallet.
It wasn't a you know, a ship suit or none of that. But the truth is, I think I don't think this is a conspiracy theory. I think this is true. I think whoa, I think Black people don't like dogs because dogs don't like us. Oh. Like that was our general experience because having a dog is it's privileged, right. So it's like whenever you encounter your white friend's dog, it would be like right right, right, right, right right.
They'd be like, oh, he doesn't usually act like this, right No, So so that that was always my experience. Whenever I would always just assume, oh, you don't have enough black people around your dog, right. You know. I talked about this a little bit earlier, but we did do a mini episode where someone suggested that exact theory that dogs are racist, that there there are some dogs and not some dogs. But the argument that I think that you're making is that animals have an inherent racism.
And one of the things that we sort of found in that episode is that a lot of studies are arguing that they don't have inherent racism, and in fact, it is the lack of interaction that the owners have with these other groups that makes them react that way to black and brown people who they don't recognize. That like, dogs funk with people who look like their owners, and if you don't introduce them to people who don't look like you, they're gonna act weird when they finally see
somebody else. Yeah. But if that's an excuse for dogs and wise and that excuse for people, I mean, look, you know, you know what, Horses ain't racists. Okay, they don't need to be socialized. Every time I met a horse, they were cooler ship. But so now dogs need to be socialized to like black people that than you racist?
Then that's inherent balious. Okay. Now I'm I'm I'm enjoying going down this train because you are pointing out that that there are no other animals, not like you go to your friend's house and they have a bearded dragon and you gotta be like chill bro real racist right now. That said, I think the argument some people would make is that dogs are smarter animals than than the others by comparison, but not smart enough to be like cats, who are just like I'll kill the entire human race equally.
I hate all of y'all. No one's special here. What about dolphins? Okay, dolphins don't gotta be there. They I think they're arguably the smartest creature other than us. Yeah, yeah, and they and they don't they don't well, I mean, they do sometimes kill humans, but they ain't never kill no black people. Yeah, what a bold statement. Can you prove that? I doubt it, But I love this the confidence that you went into that sentence with. I think
it will be all over. It will be all over the news dolphin kills black man because we would add that every time a creature kills a black person, we added to the list. Sure, we don't. You know, we have an odd relationship with sort of like violence and animals. I think because I remember and I'm sure you remember
this as well. Those uh, those when animals attack videos, And they used to do like specials on Fox when I was a kid, of like just showing you hours and hours of people getting fucking mauled by tigers and bears and ship And I remember my mother having like great pride in the fact that there were rarely, if ever, any black people in those videos. That she would be she'd be like, see, that's why, that's what's wrong with white people. They shouldn't be up in these fucking animals faces.
And she would she'd go to bed all warm and cuddly knowing that there were no black men and women in those videos. And I wonder if that was just because we didn't get footage of it, or if they truly don't attack us, you know. And and here's the other side of that corn is when did you see black people getting attacked my animals? Uh? In civil rights footage and police was sicking dogs on us. Yes, so we a long time ago we added dogs as a
list of animals we don't. I gotta know a dog friendly before I sure so, And most other animals I'm I'm willing to get in the benefit of the doubt, and and in a lot in a nice way, we already know what our relationship is with like gorillas and fucking tigers and ship, you know, going into that they don't like you, and so you can just objectively go, I there's no reason for me to even create this interaction.
Whereas dogs, it's a much more complicated relationship because people people, White people have presented them as as friends, as partners for humanity, and then subsequently black people have not always gotten that same feedback from the animals. Right, they're like man's best friends. Yeah, it's like na not not every man.
They don't really want to be friends with. Yeah, you know, and maybe we've been because I'm you know, like you said, we inherently know not to fun with any animals that could take you out in wance, white tigers, guerrillas of things, anything I could just rip you apart. You shouldn't be messing around with. But uh, you know, dogs of a certain size. You know, I've learned all the techniques. I
let them sliff my hand. You know, I play like this as I as I got closer to the West Coast, I've encountered less hostile dogs as I'm one of them, as I'm in more diverse areas I've encountered less of less hostility from people's animals. I will say that in l A feels very singular in its behavior this way. But l A people treat their dogs like people to the point that they like bring them everywhere into restaurants.
If you invite someone with a dog to your home in l A, they presume they can just bring the dog as that it's another guest. It drives me crazy as well, leave your fucking dog at home. But that said, I do think that also creates more of a a constant relationship with all races and communities for the animal in a way that if it's just trapped in a cage or in the you know, the walls of your home, it just looks at you and then doesn't know what to do. With everybody else, well that's not worth it.
Look this, this, this recently just happened to me. I was so excited. I hit my cold medallion on Delta mm hmm, and I got upgraded the first class. It's like, oh,
that never happens. I got so I'm sitting in the first class for you know, and this big in this big giant like he'll billy looking motherfucker sat down beside me, and maybe like eight or nine times during the flight, this is a five hour flight from New York to l A. He would he was he would fart, and I'm talking wicked, just nasty to the point where, you know, I kept looking at him and here here act like he was trying to act like he was sleeping, you know, And and I, you know, and I get up and
walk down the other than the plane or go to the restroom or something just like like the tamn man, like hassle control yourself. And I'm sitting there a pistol this man the whole flight in the plane lands and we get up and I realized the lady in front of me had the damn dog in her lap and it was the dog farting the whole time. Oh so you're blaming it on this man and it wasn't the man at all. Yeah, I'm sitting it a whole time, like one smoke like younger me would have wanted all
the smoke. Yeah, but yeah, I said, the whole time, blaming this nasty dog farts on this man and this lady just no shame, just shameless letting the dog. Yeah, and you could tell it it wasn't like a service dog or nothing, because because of the way it was, the way it was behaving. You know, Oh, I thought you were gonna say because of the size and breed of it that you know, service dogs got to be like a sturdy dog. I feel like a lot of people are bringing like lap dogs on and being like yeah,
an it's like, yeah, that's alp dog. This is alp dog. And and you know, and she didn't even apologized or she didn't look ashamed or I mean, here's here's what I'll ask you. What could she have done because it's a fucking dog, like she can't be like, cut it out, Maurice. Quit quit farting on this guy. Damn plane. You're embarrassing me in first class. And that's because because you know, listen, if you're dog, because I get it dogs and dogs
dogs gonna fire. Yeah, but if your dog got a problem with gas to deployment, like he's farting you know too three times an hour? Right, you're aware and you know what you're about to subject people to in this dag on tin can in the sky. You know, but we are a captive audience. Put a little mask on your dogs, but hole and and help us help ourselves through this experience. Yeah, and I think she may have hasn't kind of deodoriser or something, but she gets she
only used it twice, like she gave up. Uh damn. Well, let's let's circle back, because I do think that that you started a bit of a train that I don't want us to completely jump off of. Yet you said there was for your mom it was a question of cleanliness. And now, as a pet owner, do you at all a line or at least understand your mom's position in terms of not wanting to be around unclean animals. Do you feel like you're a cat make sure place dirtier.
Are you worried about that at all? Yeah, definitely. I mean it's a it's a constant fight to get her hair out of things. They need they need everything to smell like them, so they're constantly rubbing their face and pause on things because they need their scent everywhere. Yeah, and it's a constant fighting, you know, uh, running behind and recovering up her scent and her marking it back again.
And yeah, yeah, I can understand completely. So you think your mom's not bugging when she goes like, nah, I'm not gonna eat here, we gotta go elsewhere. Well, I think she's being a little unreasonable and how far she'd take it, But but her base reasoning is sound. I mean, animals are are gross. Sure they're they're not they're not up to human standards of cleanliness. If not, no, I mean because children are gross too. Oh oh, buddy, hell
you know. So it's you know, I don't know if you I mean, it's like like unless you want to live in a clean room with the white suits on and the you know, the air being pool to the ground and all. I mean, it's gonna be something in your house. Know for sure. The amount of times that my baby has thrown up on my chest and then I just had to finish a meal is countless at
this point. And that's just part of the deal. If you love something, you kind of have to to let them do whatever it is that they know how to do. And right now, all she knows how to do is ship and throw up. So here we are right right right. But having an animal is a hard choice, and it's also something you can undo after the fact. You can't, it's well, I guess you can do that with with
kids too. But it's kind of frowned. Not legally, it's a it's a well, it's a messier legal situation when you when you just decide to undo it, you gotta kind of have a reason for it a little more. Yeah, well, nothin you can just say give it up, I think, I mean, yeah, you can do it, but but you gotta you gotta really prove this is worth it, because the court and just letting you like leave the house and never come back kind of vibes. Yeah. I think
that's definitely illegal. Yeah, let me ask you this before we before we go to break, because I do think that this is an important one. You said you do believe that black people don't like animals, and yet here you are a pet owner speaking to me. Do you think that like or or is there a rephrasing of this that you would want us to consider. Do you think you're just an exception to the rule for black people? No, Yeah, I would I would rephrase it. I would, I would.
I would just say I think black people in general, we like animals from a distance, you know, it's more of an up close relationship that becomes challenging. Yeah, yeah, we have a different relationship with animals. I think you would. You would be hard pressed to find a lot of Black people that say they like animals more than people.
H they out there, but generally speaking, black people are like no animals and animals I pro black, first time pro animal like probably right, like black people, Black people have outside dogs generally Yeah, yeah, I mean Instagram is kind of changing that way, like black women now have
lap dogs, but that thing used to be the case. Yeah, I do think to that point, some of this feels like a version of of like media, right, like the our relationship with media, where it's like yo, for years, we were told over and over again that our dogs were just meant to be attack dogs and movies and television, and so subsequently a bunch of people were like, yeah, I've got to get the attack dog. I'm not about to kiss it in the mouth like a psychopath everybody else,
But like you know what you know. Two, we started to with mel Gibson. I don't know remember lead the weapon with mel Gibson shared the ice cream cone with his dog, absolutely man, And that was a whole different reaction in the black theaters. Nasty, what do you now? And it turns out the black theaters were more right about mel Gibson. Right, we should have booed him for a lot of his behavior this whole time. All Right,
we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more Brian Simpson and more, my mama told me, and we all, yeah, we're back here with more Brian Simes and more. My mama told me. We're still talking about the possibility that black people do not like dogs specifically, we don't like them up close. We're more of a keep your distance kind of relationship, or rather, we have more of a keep your distance kind of relationship with animals. Do you think, Brian,
that that is specific to the breeds? Are we like, Yell, I funk with Schnauzers, but I don't funk with pit bulls or whatever it is. Or is it just the animals in general? Mm hmmm. I don't know, because because again too, I think I think this theory is a little antiquated, because like I said, because now it's sort of it's sort of just now started becoming acceptable for us to be more gentle, right and open with our
mental health. Yeah, that sort of thing. And so you know, now you now and nowadays, in the last decade, you see more Black people with lap dogs and more Black people with other breeds. But seriously, when I grew up, I ain't see nothing but rock Wallace and pit bulls and German shepherds. Yeah, in a in a odd way, it's sort of like Black people couldn't learn to love dogs until they learn to love themselves. You know, I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble for that very
stupid inspirational for them. Will put it on a T shirt and then then we'll see what happens. And police don't really use dogs as much to attack us, not in the way that they did generations before for sure. Right. Yeah, So I think that's another thing too. It was like, I think we're more convinced the dogs like us. Yeah, to that point, And I'm glad you you sort of are are acknowledging the the rise, the the rise in sort of like pet ownership and certainly like the the
improved pet relationship. I first wanted to be able to address this by looking up the percentage of dog ownership in the black community. As it turns out, as of I think twixteen, black people still the main the group least likely to own a dog or cat in this country. They clock in around thirty seven percent compared to nearly sixty five percent for white households. That's like almost a hundred percent difference in in terms of our ownership. Wow,
that's that's surprising. Yeah, it's it's it's a big difference. But you said dogs and cats, Yes, dogs and cats. We are neither seven percent of us own something and own is maybe a problematic word at this point, but thirty seven of us have a relationship with a dog or get whereas sixty five percent of white people have dogs or cats in their household. What do you think do you think that's an income thing like income disparity.
I think that's a great that's that's actually one of the main things that people sort of point to in terms of the challenged relationship that black people have had
over the years with dog ownership. Right, And this is something pretty simple that never fucking occurred to me until I started to do this research, that black people didn't we weren't considered people for a really long time in this country, right, Like that that just was part of the deal that like literally up until eighteen seventy black men weren't even allowed to vote or or or sort of like exist on the ballot. And then it isn't until like a hundred years later that black women are
allowed to exist on the ballot. And so, uh, we're not people. There's no way they're not making us people and letting us own dogs, you know what I mean, Like they you're not allowed to have a fucking dog if you're not a person as far as the white man is concerned, I would presume, right, It's like it's like letting the cow on the dog. Yeah, what the fun need a dog? Right? Yeah? Yeah, I never thought
about like that. Yeah, that's damn sure. And so with that, the additional part that they sort of point to is that it also meant that by the time that we do start to to create freedom in this country, as it were, we're not immediately launched into wealth, right, Like, it's not like we suddenly have a bunch of money to be able to play around with. And so because of that, pet ownership isn't an asset, It isn't a
thing that you're seeking out. It's a liability. If anything, it's just another mouth to feed, which means a lot of black people especially early in this country, had no interest in adding another party to their They're already growing problems. Yeah, another side effect of us not getting reparations. Yes, I mean, have we gotten for the acres and a mule? Maybe we've beuld have let a couple of dogs run around
on those acres. You know, I don't need a You will give me two dogs stacked on top of each other the size of the meal. Yeah, give me. Give me a plot of land to cultivate, and maybe I can sell things at the market. Maybe I have some disposable income to teach a dog a few tricks, or or have had to act at an income to the family. Exactly. I I want to I want to feed a dog, but I need you to to do right by me first. I want to be able to to keep a dog alive, but I need you to to to repair this broken
relationship white devil. In fact, in fact, how many black people have one that that that you know that dog show they have Westminster? Yeah? How many? You're looking it up now, I will say, while you're looking it up, one of the things I found is that Cosby actually at one point owned a dog that was a potential winner for the Westminster Dog Show. That he was like, the cars had a dog that was about to in it all, and what happened he rape probably it probably
happens kissed it while he was sleeping, you know. Glass of guys. So it looks like black people shine. They shine at the Seen National Dog Show. Okay, does that mean they wonder? Does that mean they just showed up, oiled up and and happy to be there? Oh man, this is one of those local papers that writes like a like a paragraph and doesn't give you anymore. Yeah, they didn't win. That just meant like there was more
representation than than any year before. You know, yeah, and see and I see this is gonna take further research because I didn't realize they make a distinction between the owners and the trainers. Yeah. And it also to win it all is is a different thing than winning your category. And it's it's, uh, I think, a much more involved thing than I anticipated, certainly, but I did just about that.
Even though Labradors are the most popular breed in the United States, they've never won best in Show at Westminst. That actually reminds me of something we've talked about on the podcast before as well. Is have you ever heard of anything called black dog syndrome. No, Oh, the harder
to adopt. Yeah, not harder to adopt. They're easy to adopt, but they are harder for the adoption agencies and and sort of like the kennels to get rid of because of I guess, and inherent racism that white people already have against black things, that that they're less likely to buy or or adopt black animals. And the argument that white people make for this is that they don't show
up as well in pictures. But yeah, yeah, we know, you know, yeah, I know when when I went down again, when I went when I was trying to find an animal at the shelter, it was that it was it was black dogs and great dogs. Yeah, yeah, where it was full of black and gray dogs and black cats. Yeah. Apparently they they ain't think moving off the shelf too fast, you know. Yeah. But but now people say they don't
show up well in pictures. But I think this was an issue well before social media exactly, And that's that's more My challenge to whatever that suggestion is is that like, if this were in fact just a picture issue, it would be a more recent issue. But the reality is y'all have an inherent bias against things of this color, and maybe we need to explore that and not just scapegoaded through like no, my camera, you don't know how to capture my dog and I want to film it,
so I can't love this thing. Yeah, And to be fair though, cameras, you know, I don't I know every black person who has experienced this, but it wasn't until just recently like the ass on twelve, where those cameras started putting the box around black faces more easily. Or unless the whole photo was black people it you know, you would it would it would? It would be like confused because I think they would only they would test it on in Japan. They would only test it on
Japanese people. Well, I would say this as a light skinned man. I've been very fortunate that iPhone has been able to recognize me for a while. But I've I've heard tell of of the darker skinned man's experience, and I will say that that is still true even for fucking those sensors with like bathrooms, like with like putting my hand under sinks and ships like it don't even pick me up, and I should be easy to to turn the faucet on for Oh, I see, I didn't know.
I didn't know that that that was why that was happening. I think so, I think it's not great calibration for dark skin. And and that's true for cameras as well, that it isn't until recently that cameras were even built in a way that they could hand seeing dark skin. It's like you have to smile with the attitude, are you yeah? Exactly? Now you gotta show them teeth. And we don't all look good with our teeth showing. Some of us look good with a you know, a closed
mouse smile exactly, A little just little grant. So here's here's another thing. And this sort of connects to what you were saying about the the poverty of it all that I did not realize. But because of the lack of pet ownership, right, or rather the struggles of pet ownership when you don't have a lot of money. There there are lots of of of examples I guess historically where even when people attempted pet ownership, the powers that
being made it more challenging. For example, in the early twentieth century, there were in fact laws that banned people who were on welfare from pet ownership. They weren't allowed
to have pets if they were on welfare. WHOA. So that meant because of that, this was not only a way to weaponize dogs against black people in the sense that like, you can't have one without risking your own safety because of this odd relationship that that sort of white people created with you know, German shepherds attacking and ship. But even if you wanted a dog, you could be potentially risking your house and home by having one if
a social worker shows up. There are stories of people hiding their dogs when social workers come to check on the home to make sure that they don't like lose their funding or their public housing or whatever. It is, all because of these odd laws. Man. I had no idea. Yeah, man, it was just like the Ronald Reagan welfare queenship. He was like us, you're running around in the Cadillac with a new weaves in the vaccine. I wish it was that late in history. No, I don't wish it was
that late, but it's actually even earlier. It's it's it's like much earlier in the twentieth century that this is happening, which makes it even sadder, right, because these are if we're talking about periods of reconstruction, and even if we push all the way into you know, the Great Depression and all these times, if white people were having a bad time during this point, black people were having a much harder time and much more in need of these
social services. And then subsequently, white people are creating all kinds of barriers to not only make accessing those social services harder, but also to keep you from experiencing a type of joy that maybe you otherwise would like to experience. What is a dog? You know, dogs make people happy, they make people feel good to have around them, and
they're making sure people can't. But you have to also remember the whole basis of like American racism, right, it was it wasn't to just shift on black people, but it was too. It was to plagukate poor whites by by giving them someone that's poorer. Sure, at their poorest they needed they you know, it's it's it was hard for a poor white to see a black person with a dog when they can't afford a dog. I mean, it's that kind of ship. It's because people do the
same thing with welfare. And now, like you see it would be you know, the cash has complaining because somebody paying with food stamps and they got an iPhone. How to fun this? I can't qualify from food stamps. How you got an iPhone. It's that kind of thing. It's like you're supposed to be poorer than me, and it's like the iPhone is not a reflection of of my poverty, is a reflection of something i've I've gotten access to. You don't know how the funk I got this iPhone
or why I need this iPhone for? Didn't give me this, Yeah it was. It was a gift. I stole it. It ain't none of your business. It truly has nothing to do with you. And please still count my poverty wherever you count, like I'm still as poor as I was before with the iPhone. Ring up the king crabs, right, I might be allergic to regular as food. I might need king crab legs for for my survival, ring up
these state medallions. So I'm glad you brought that up, because one of the things that I found even more sinister underneath all of this, and this one blew my fucking mind, or at least it didn't then blow my mind. None of this blows my mind, but it definitely gave me pause. Is that there are studies that show that pet ownership has a positive benefit on the human body,
on literally our our own health and functionality. Right, they say that pets by owning pets, people who own pets decreased have decreased loneliness, lower blood pressure, and increased socialization. So it's literally making you a healthier person to own pets. And I would argue that there's a real chance that like the powers that be have have created this tumultuous relationship with dogs and cats for black people as a way of shortening our lifespan. Mm hm man, that's that's wow.
That's yeah, man, Yeah, you might have learned me something today, because yeah, that that that has to be what it is that fits into the larger conspiracy against our people. I think. So they don't want us to have dogs because they want us to have high blood pressure, which is something that we suffer from over over the the average or whatever. And yeah, increased loneliness. I like that. So all of this as I sort of like found myself accumulating this research, it all felt like this weird
chess move for me. To almost abuse black peop pool with an animal. They call black people cold, hot hearted monsters for not liking right that, Like you spent generations using dogs to attack black people. Both uh enslaved black people all the way through fucking civil rights movement, and even today there's plenty of footage you can find today I'm still thinking about and it's dogs, it's horses, it's
all the animals that police love to use. But like I'm thinking about those fucking Haitian refugees who were being sort of like whipped and and wrangled by the people on the border on horseback and like with dogs running next to them, and ship and all of this is sort of like this intentional move to be like, yo, we're gonna weaponize these animals against you. And then when you go, hey I don't like that animal, you go, hey, you're you're a bad guy, bro, Why would you not
like it? Yeah, that's that's that's crazy. The other thing that I think is intentionally happens with a lot of these things. To say, they love to point to our most hyperbolic examples, right that, Like obviously Michael Vick it did some pretty fucked up ship with dogs and had a complicated relationship with animals in general, I imagine, But Michael Vick is not necessarily representative of all Black people, certainly in terms of our relationship with animals. That motherfucker
ain't like me in a lot of ways. And you know what I mean, I can't run that fast, throw that far, or do any of the things Michael VICKI I certainly don't have his taste in dog blood, you know what I mean. But also it's like I feel like people would kind of harsh on him. I mean, listen, he wasn't running the dog ring. He funded it. If he gave his look, if he gave his the same family members money to open up a chicken spot, nobody would have batted an eye, even though they slaughtering thousands
of chickens. So you can have Louisiana hot or yeah, or I forget what they call it. You know what I'm saying is like, just so you can have chicken strips, all the ship that has to happen to an animal before that, like you're raising him just to chop their heads off. Nobody would have a problem with that. He was you know, he was keeping these dogs alive long enough to you know what, I'm not just how's that saying?
I feel like you're defending uh, Michael Vick right now, and and yeah, but but but I just feel like some of those same people they go to these hot chicken spots out here knowing, knowing what happened to them chickens. So I'm not both things are wrong, That's what I'm saying. I'm not vegan, but but I have accepted that I don't have an argument against vegans. They just taste good and and I'm evil in that way. Yeah, I I
do think. But to your your your point and maybe a grander point to build from this is the fact that Michael Vicks sort of got taken down as like a person funding this ring, but he wasn't. We weren't then looking at how far these branches extend out to, like the breeders or the other people who may have provided some of the the assets to make this dog fighting ring happen. They're just going, you are a target. We will put you in prison as the face of
animal cruelty. And the reality is there's plenty of evidence that all the people who are who are intentionally making more and more of these dogs that they know are are less healthy and less able to defend themselves function out in society. Are also doing a very cruel thing and should be held accountable, if nothing else, for what they're doing. Yeah, those dogs with the long bodies, they
always got hips. Ye people still people still want them just because they cut I had a I had a pug when I was in college, and I found out just from studying pugs and ship that they they weren't even the reason pugs exist. This because the emperor in China wanted to make a dog that looked like a monkey, and so he went to his scientists people and said, hey, get me a monkey dog, and they came back with
a pug. And then those motherfucker's don't live past ten because they're mutants, because this this emperor was like, give me a fucking mutant to please me. It's it's all cruel. We're all doing bad things to these animals. We just pick and choose which which version of this we're gonna call monstrous. All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more Brian lives in it. More. My mama told me we are that. No, no, no, oh, yeah,
we're back here with more, Brian Simpson. More. My mama told me we're still talking about the possibility that black people do not like dogs, and maybe this entire negative relationship was cooked up by the white devil himself, that this is not black people being cruel, evil people, but instead it is the white man choosing to create a
tumultuous relationship between us. Brian, Let's play a game. This is the point in the podcast where we we like to play a game and and today's game, our our game this week is the game very popular game on the show. It's it's a game called white Lie Ugly. You're disgusting, I'm gonna kill you. Give me two white lies. This is a fun game, Brian, where I am going to introduce to you a popular conspiracy theory in the
white community. And what I would love for you to do is break down why you think white people are so committed to this conspiracy theory. Why do you think they stick with this? What do you think these sneaky motherfucker's are up to? That makes sense? Hell yeah, So this is a fun one. Apparently, there are some people who believe there are some conspiracy theorists who believe that
wind farms cause cancer. That there's cancer being caused by wind farms, not because of the wind that's being created, but instead the noise from the wind farms leads to cancer in the body. This is a real argument that people are making that when the noise from wind farms is leading to cancer. My question for you, Brian, why do white people believe that? M M. I don't know, man, Maybe maybe maybe they hear the cries of our slave
ancestors sneaking through the woods at night in the wind. Uh, They're like that this is carrying the wind that I didn't want winding my way exactly. And so by hearing all of that, they get sick in their bodies unintentionally in a way that they otherwise would not have if they didn't have to hear those. Their bodies so violently rejects the old Negro spirituals that they start developing tumors.
It reminds me. I love this. It reminds me of a conspiracy theory we've talked about before on this podcast, of the theory that hurricanes are the souls of dead slaves. Have you ever heard that? So apparently hurricanes only really exist, certainly in this country coming across the Atlantic. That they're born off the coast of Africa and then come travel basically the route of the trans Atlantic slave trade to touch America. So that's why they always are moving sort
of like westward and then slightly like arcing in that way. Yeah, exactly. And so there are arguments to say that these are the souls of the people who did not make it, basically seeking redemption by attacking the country via the wind. And this is a conspiracy theory. No, this is black folks, black folks, they were These are our superhero stories that that Marvel didn't write, you know what I mean? All right, right, I thought hurricanes came for gays gay stuff? Is it?
Is it old slaves that hate gays' old gay slaves? Okay, I'm listening. Yeah, so these old gay slaves are blowing their way to the country, and nobody was nice. I can't imagine people were nice to old gay slaves. So they're like, I'll funk all y'all up, I don't care who's Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that that would have been really difficult to be a gay slave for sure. Yeah, because you're getting it on both sides. You getting whipped for being a slave, but then you're getting whipped for being gay? Right,
and how do you even secretly? How do you even know what to call it? I think they gay is not a new invention. I think they had a pretty sense of like, yeah, I see the way he came out to field. This is great, Brian. I think we did it. I think I think we nailed this episode. This is this is really fun. Could you tell the people at home where they can find you and what cool ship you have going on? Yeah, you can find me at bs Comedian on Twitter and Instagram. You can
click on my link tree. You'll see that I got a lot of a lot of things going on. I'm gonna be at the Irvine in Problem February nine and ten. I'm gonna be at Madison, Wisconsin and Comedy on State on February. I'mna be in uh in Bakersfield or March five, and then Punchline Philly in April a seventh, eighth, Kim and then oh the Netflix Festival at the end of April night. Yeah. Yeah, so it's probably the other stuff in between that as well, so you know, but just
click on my lenk tree. It's all there. Keep a look out for my own podcast is being relaunched very soon. Hell yeah, we'll go go to any of those shows. Brian's got a ship ton of them, and follow Brian and go watch his Netflix special. It's so funny. Hell yeah, watch watch the special and then go see them live. That's you better do it, bit or I'll kill you.
That's that's what I say. And as always, you can follow me at Lanston Kerman on all the platforms, and please please please remember to subscribe, remember to review comments, do whatever that bullshit is you're meant to do. And as always, if you have your own conspiracy theories, your own opinions, your your your drops that you want to send me, you can send them to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. I would love to hear from you.
Otherwise I don't know. Bye, bitch, because I'm brown bags my crop chips in your bails O Koala bears are racist, the wholestal players, wholescal money versions, many turkey stuff. I can't tell me noth