Motherfucking many year. So motherfucking mini episo. Yep, yep, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal mini episode. And my mama told me the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove the theories that you the listener have at home. It's your time, baby. You're a superstar. You're a goddamn You're a goddamn angel. And you know what we want to hear. What you
gotta say. We love you, We love you, You're special to us. Well, we'll go down on you. Fuck it, we'll go. We'll flip it over. We'll go to the back too. Why not? Why not? If we feel the way we feel about you, why wouldn't we smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Oh no, I'm David Boring and I'm Langston Kerman and and boy, is that a greeting we need to learn to replicate? Huh? Should we? Shall we do that on every episode? I think that's about as good as it's gonna get. Yeah, smack it up,
flip it, rub it down. Oh no, I'm David boring. What a fucking way to introduce yourself. Yeah, you don't know where I'm coming from, not at all. I will say that that. Uh. We we've gotten a few messages.
Last time we spoke. I believe we we talked about a bit of a debate you and I had about the math from from driving from Denver to the middle of Wyoming, the undecided middle of Wyoming, right, And I have now gotten three, I think upwards of three emails from various listeners who all wanted to make it clear that you, David, were in fact correct about and I don't even drive like that. A person named Asia said, Hey, David, and Lankson loved the podcast. Keep up the good work, David.
You never said where in the middle of Wyoming? So I picked Riverton on a good day. Uh. Denver to Riverton is three hundred and forty nine miles via I A, I E. D West or US to eighty seven North. Two thousand six Honda Civic Basic Bitch Model No Fast, no Furious has a fuel tank capacity of thirteen point to gallons and gets thirty miles per gallon in the city and forty on the highway. We're gonna use thirty because ain't no way we're going to risk it and
run on fumes in the middle of Wyoming. If you're driving from a full tank three hundred ninety six miles per tank, you can make it to Riverton with forty seven miles left on empty. If this math is wrong, oh well, but I'm pretty sure it is. It is anyway, by bitches what Asia wrote, and to all of that, I say, fuck you, Asia. You didn't have to do none of that. You could have mind your motherfucking business. I stayed the funk out of grown folst business. Asia.
Fuck you, fuck uh fuck uh uh Padre because Pedro had a whole bunch of say about this ship talking about two nine miles from Denver to Jefferson City. Fuck, oh, y'all. I don't give a ship. I think you all. You guys are great. I appreciate you doing math, calculating in the lab, whatever you had to do to because you could be wrong. I don't know, but I trust you. That's what I gotta say about that. You couldn't be wrong,
but I don't know. I trust you. Yeah, I I didn't care for you dorks involving yourselves at all, but you want to appreciate you listening. We're big fans that you're not at these dorgs for doing research. You're the one who does the research for this pod. Yeah, but only to my advantage, not not for other people to sauce on me. You know what I mean. They were
saucing that we're saucing. She started. She said, if a train is traveling at a hundred and thirty six miles per hour in one direction, you know what I mean. She hit me with some fucking word problems. Yeah, there was a lot to unpack there. Man, God blessed it. I gotta drive to Wyoming now, get some fireworks. Gets some fireworks. That's right. You said that's the big thing for Wyoming for y'all. Yeah, I mean, I guess. I assume there's some type of industry, but for me, it
was mostly for fireworks. I want to get into this unrelated I guess conspiracy theory. Oh, this is another thing that I should address before we get into the conspiracy theory. I also received a message, and this relates to our conversation around milk. When you remember we were talking about the dangers of milk recently. An unrelated A person named Brian sent me a message about my puffy nipples. Maybe you remember we had a I do remember discussion about
puffy nipples as well and Brian. Brian said, I too used to suffer from puffy nipples until one day I read a Darwind's blog post that talked about how he used to be badly afflicted with acne until he quit dairy. So I did the same, and not only did my acne clear up, but my nipples calmed the funk down. I figured it was because I no longer uh was no longer second handing some sort of nipple based hormone, and because I was lactose and tolerant my conspiracy theory.
Milk can fuck you up? Love the podcast. Thanks, that's from Brian. I don't I think that, Yeah, yeah, I think it's I think there's legitimate saying like he did the research. Yeah no, he he did the experiment on himself. He gave up the milk and them titties turned to went flat on him. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong if you got puffy nipples, you know, there's no shame in it. Yeah. I don't ever feel bad about your pooffy nipples. Yeah, but but still you know you could change it. You
can do something about it. And I'm gonna try to do something about it now. Thank you Brian for your inspiration. Yeah, you should like track your nipple puff progress. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get a real small ruler and uh say you take every pictures every day for them. I'm gonna make an inspirational Instagram account for for the titties that I've transformed my titties into. Oh man, put like a like a grind hustler motivate. Yeah exactly. Yeah, I
like that going down. And then after a while I'll start getting sponsorships or things that have nothing to do with puffy nipples, you know what I mean. It'll yeah, it'll just be like temporary tattoos that are like asking me to promote their ship. So yeah, motor oil for nipples. All right. I want to get into our actual big email for the day. This is. This came from a person who requested to remain anonymous. They yeah, they didn't want to share their name, and you'll see why pretty quickly.
They sent a message they said, high length high lengths in the David, please don't use my name. Smiley face I love the show, and for all the silliness, YouTube really stimulate productive conversation about the effect of white supremacy on black people. I don't know if that was our goal, but I'm glad that that's what you're getting out. I also don't think you've heard the last episode. We were open,
we were aiming for chaos. We weren't really. Yeah, but but that said, it means the world to us that that you feel that way. They went on to say, my conspiracy theory that I've been quietly spreading for months is that black families with lots of kids become Jehovah's witnesses to avoid purchasing Christmas and birthday gifts. They realized they should. They could still love Jesus and not have to buy into commercialism or Hollywood or holidays or birthdays.
Please find some examples to support this idea below, Serena Williams family, Donald Glover's family, Michael Jackson's family. I rest my case, man, that feels that feels pretty possible to me. Yeah, I've never known somebody who was like, it was just me and my single mom, we were Jehovah's witnesses right right away. There was always well, yeah, it's always a ton of kids that that are Jehovah's witnesses, Like they're
buying vans, you know. I like how you made it seem like it's a fleet of vans just to move these children from school to not holiday parties. You never you never grew up with like you never had weird van families. We did have weird van families. It was really a fleet. But I I hear you that they talk. Yeah, they had like a mini van that was much older than it seemed like it should be. Yeah, yeah, and then I was just like eight lds kids packed in
there at all time. My question, or at least what what immediately popped in my head because I agree with you, it does feel like it holds a little bit of weight. Is My question is do the kids come before or are they a byproduct of like Jehovah's witness practices, right, because I think some of it is also like and maybe this is not true, but I think they're like, ah, you ain't gotta come on, man, I ain't gotta wear no condoms. Oh they're fucking row. I think that that's
the main reason people become crazy religious. It's the is anti condom ship. Yeah, God says, I don't have to win one baby. Yeah, Like you know, I think that's right. I mean, it's all about fucking. It's the same reason like Mormons they're polygamous because they like fucking a lot, Like that's the that's the thing, right, So like, yeah, I cannot imagine Jehovah's Witnesses where condoms or use any
kind of birth control other than gravity. Right, And so with that, I guess the question is, are are you becoming Jehovah's witness afterwards or are you actually like already that and then all these kids become a part of it because y'all are just raw dog in each other. I bet it's later. I would I would bet that it's like damn five, all right, we gotta do something. Yeah, and it's like fuck, who who would make sure that
we don't have to buy these kids gifts? Sweet Jehovah gyro? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, because what because that's the only thing I even know about Jehovah's Witnesses mm hmm, Like is it? What's what else is different about them? Like are they just are they just Christians? They believe that Heaven has like a capacity that like there's it's a limited number of people
that can get into Heaven. And that's why they go door to door spreading the word is because number one, they're trying to recruit new members, but number two that is part of like their mission to earn their spot into Heaven is by getting more people to believe in God. Okay, but if there's a capacity, couldn't they be like what if, like you, you bring ten people in and then now
there's no space for you. That's always been my issue with it, is like I think that the number is like a hundred and eighties something thousands, So it feels like you already the doors already shut, you know what I mean, Like they're already being like, hey, no more if you ain't got no girls, which you can't come in at the way, you know what I'm saying. But that's why they got all those kids and wives, ten chicks. All right, I'm not showing up alone. We're buying bottles
peach SI rock for me and all my family. Right you're saying, you're saying, right now we're at normal capacity, but if you're willing to drop the bread, you can still get in the club, right, No, I mean because yeah, I feel like it's definitely something that happens afterwards though. It's definitely like you have a few kids, money is getting tight. They got birthdays every year, and like, let's say you have six kids evenly spaced out, that's a
birthday every other month. Yeah, that's not good. And and I'll be honest, I'll be honest. I'm feeling anxiety just uh with my one child and buying a birthday gift and like something that's appropriate to a one year old. And and also it's going to impress my wife enough not to make and make her feel like she needs to leave me. So it's like, yeah, no, it stinks. But having to do that six times a year, that's and then Christmas, that's that's crazy. Wait, what are you
gonna get the one year old? Have you decided? No? I haven't. I'm not. I'm not landed on nothing. But if you got pitches, I'm taking them. Baby. That's see, that's the problem. My wife already got her like some bracelets and ships, so I'm yeah, I'm coming in. You know, Oh you should buy some ship that you can't nail down, like get her name a star after some do. No, man, that's a scam at the zoo or some ship in her name or some ship. That's a scam you can
only pull on like sick kids and grandma's. You can't. You can't do that to discerning adults who know you know what I mean. It does sound like a scam. Ship. What are we gonna What are you gonna get your daughter? Yeah? I don't know, but I gotta figure it out and fast. Have you bronzed any of her ship? No, nothing's bronzed yet. You should bronze something. Okay, that's I'm now. I'm liking where you're heading. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, dip some baby shoes and and uh, the first ones get
the first ones. You guys got whoever diplomatic bronze it for you. I got a guy. I got a bronzing guy. I got, I got bronze, gold plated whatever you need. Okay, Well, let's stalk after the podcast. We might we might be able to find something here. But as far as he's Jehovah's witnesses, man, I because it just seems like I don't know a lot of everybody I've ever known that was Jehovah's witnesses seemed to be some type of late
life conversion via their parents. Like I don't I but and maybe that's because I'm not close to the church, But I don't know a lot of people who are like I grew up with it. Like it seems like a lot of people grow up with it and then they leave that ship. Princeps have the birthday parties. Yeah, no, I I've known a few people who grew up that way and then didn't stay committed to it. And then there are people who I knew who grew up that How many kids do they have? Uh A lot? Actually not, Yeah,
they kept sucking. They were like, now that parts cool. Yeah, they're like I hear y'all on this. I party. Yeah, birthday party would be tight too. But that said, I also have a family member too who grew up that way. And then what we're like excommunicated from the church. And that's that's like a real thing that the church tends
to do, and it is one of the things. And Quinta is a person who grew up that way, but she she's not the excommunication person, but she's talked about this or she and I talked about this of like how it is one of those things that I do respect about their commitment to the religion. Were like, if you do what they don't like, they kick you the funk out. They don't like play that thing where they're like, no, you can still save yourself. They're like, no, you ain't
making the cut. Get the funk out of here. I mean, I respect the discipline for sure. I respected even the discipline of of no birthdays and holidays. I even respect the discipline of that. I think there's a great case to be made for it, right, I mean, but I think that it's like it seems to be like based in frugal, being frugal, you know, yeah, it doesn't seem
completely altruistic, not at all. You're not just looking out for the kids greater good by taking away birthdays, you you truly are saving hundreds of dollars, if not thousands of dollars a year. Jesus celebrated holidays. Yeah, Jesus loved a good holiday. Well wait are they but are they do they read the Bible? Do they believe in like the Covenant of the New Testament? Are they Old Testament people? I don't know. I think they I don't know a hundred percent, but I know that they read the Bible.
I'm pretty sure that they're they have like their own extra chapters if I'm remember like the Catholic Apocryphone whatever. Yeah, it's similar to And that's essentially what Mormon situation is too. That like, it's not that they don't read the same Bible, they just have some extra like stuff that they have. The stuff from the tablets though, Yeah, may I don't know where it's from. He looked through the thing and what Joseph Smith or whatever he was, he was a
snake oil salesman. That's not what we're getting into. Everybody knows being a Mormon is a scam. They wear magic underwear. Jehovah's witnesses, I do, I I'm I'm I'm with this one. You you respect the Jehovah's witnesses, but you also acknowledge their frugality in their decision making. Yeah, and I think that's fine. Okay, that's a good little take on it. You're like, look, yeah, I think you're right that they probably are turning to Jehovah's witness beliefs in order to
save money. But that doesn't make them any less committed because of the level of work that they're putting in to stay part of the church. I couldn't have said it better myself. All right, Well, that that seems legit to me. I think that's fair. If I have to go door to door and and try to convince very angry people that my way of interpreting the Bible and religious text is correct, then yeah, I deserve not to buy my daughter a birthday gift exactly. That seems that
seems fair. I don't I don't got no issues with that. So listener, anonymous listener, I hope this satisfies your your theory, and I hope you've learned a lesson about judging the Jehovah's witnesses unfairly. Maybe they're not cheap, maybe they're they're just making necessary sacrifices for uh not going broke and broad dog and their wives exactly. Well, we did it all right, BORI. Could you tell the people where they can find you what cool ship you have going on? Uh?
You know, just gonna just follow my Instagram cool by jokes seven and I have all my dates up there coming. I got a lot of different dates I'm not sure of right now, but yeah, go to go to go to my Instagram. I would appreciate it great. As always. You can follow me at Langston Kerman uh and you can come see me at Lyric Hyperion on September and that's gonna be a really fun show. And then you can see me in New York on September nineteen at
City Winery. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to accuse other religions of being cheap, you can send those theories to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. That's it. That's all, bye, bitch. Mother motherfucking many years so, mother fucking mini herself many years so, Mother fucking miny years so.