My Momma Told Me Live from Seattle!

Fuck you. Okay, yeah, fish, no frame the kitchen. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

Came on the fucking pars. Oh, I forgot you gotta do your part. No, I was supposed to start it. You got one. No I have one, so I have to start.

No, this isn't right, David, I've been doing it for some time. Okay, okay, okay, all right. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove that lou their Vandros did not die from a heart attack, but instead was sacrificed though that his body could be used for the Hollywood ozempic trials. They are using poor Luther who lost.

All that weight head on ber.

So that me so that goddamn h what's her name?

Me?

Laconis?

Who's the she? Not me?

Lacunus. Who's the other one? Yeah, mindy kaaling hah, Yeah, we're big. It's over here. We don't know the difference.

Oh nos, they're both not black.

And I know one of them is built like a lollipop. Now she looks silly. Keeps trying to tell us she did jogging. Stop it, lady, you're on drugs. You're on diabetic drugs.

I'm afraid of Mandy Kaling.

Not me, not me. I'm not brown. She won't hire me.

I'm good. You're half white. She might date, So that's.

Fair, that's fair. Should we introduce to ourselves?

We should.

I'm like, I'm David Borri. Fuck yeah, and thank y'all for being here. We're so sorry that it was running late. We had some technical difficulties completely out of our control. But you're fucking here, and this.

Is so cool. Yeah, this is so nice.

What are you saying? What do you what's her name? That's my auntie. She's very excited. Oh oh, well, she thinks you were back there.

Fucking ma'am. You're getting me in a lot of trouble here.

I'm a married man. Now my wife is going to presume I was getting my dick sucked behind a movie theater for some reason.

Yeah, just like the year two thousand.

Hey, come on, brother, take it back too fast getting a hand job in a Michael Myers film. We've all been there, brothers, We've all been there. We're really excited to be here in Seattle. What a what a silly fucking town you have here? Right?

Yeah, I mean I'm more of a Federal Way guy, but this is good too. Whoa, holy shit, I saw some gang signs.

This is fool shot niggas threw some shit up.

It was goofy Seattle ship, but it was it was still a gang.

It was still a gang.

Listen, he shout out to sac Jea Junior High school.

I'm not I'm a local ship. All night is that is?

Did you really go to sack Yeah middle school?

Yeah, junior high junior high school. It's different. What I don't want to hear what you have to say. Whoever had some culture, I don't want to hear about it.

You do love them, I don't give a ship.

I do love that y'all think that this is a town forum.

Already, I've been saying we're too nice to our fans. I mean saying that.

Here's the problem, and I do think this is a real problem. Is every day on the podcast, almost every single time, we call y'all pieces of ships.

It's very consistent.

If you are a listener to the podcast, we are regularly telling you.

We don't respect you, We don't.

Care for you.

Think your name is dumb. Yeah, we think your dog's name is dumb. We don't. We don't give a ship about nothing.

And y'all are like they plan, they just being a little silly believed.

Do just feel like they don't respect us?

Yeah?

No, they do all.

They don't listen to nothing worth saying. I do like Seattle. Though. I was walking, I swear to God, this happened today. I was walking and I saw a group of black Hebrew Israelites.

Oh pretty careful, bro, Come on, man, I don't know if we got another email from him yesterday.

Oh sure, we should be careful. If you're a regular listener to the podcast, you know that we do have one black Hebrew israel lite rising who is who regularly emails us about his frustrations with our take on his community.

To be fair, he regularly emails you. He refers to me as your African stude, which a lot.

Been doing this shit a year. He doesn't know my fucking name.

That's true. But here's what's exciting about Seattle, Black Hebrew Israelites. This I was walking past, and they're doing the regular shit they're yelling all this shit about white devil them and how they're gonna take back the nation that was stolen from them. But then next to these black dudes that are yelling into the microphone, was just like two

To be fair, I like that for Filipinos. I want them to have their own hoteps. I think a Filipino hotep that's exciting to me.

That is a whole tep that's also a nurse that's fucking tight, a.

Hotep that's incredible. Karaoke that's what they mean.

Just in a throwback jersey.

We have a really exciting show for you guys.

Bucks man.

Oh hell yeah, I forgot that.

You still have? You got your piece? You're ready? Now, you got that thing on? You give them another one?

Funk around. Something's going on. Hey, people in the booth, don't be scared to turn that up. Yeah, maybe don't pretend like our grandma's are next door telling us to hush. Maybe turn it the fuck up so it can be successful for these strangers. We do have a really exciting show that we a whole master plan we've cooked up for you. It'll be very entertaining.

Before we start, can you show that I bought Langston a T shirt?

And oh yeah, I should make my big review.

Wants you to see it is excited.

If you again are a regular listener to the podcast, you know that I have certain affinities for uh for for for heroes.

Guys that don't look like the back of my hands. You know what I'm saying.

For for heroes in in in our community and certain subsets, certain subsects of our community. And David very kindly bought me a T shirt that I probably am gonna wear for the every day for the rest of my life. Like Doug Funny, I'm really excited and I'm gonna reveal it for you. Now, should I do it?

I'm gonna do it. You turn around, yeah, do a slow speed. Let him see that ass.

Come on, hey, don't look too much. I'm married. Look all you want? You paid? That ass belongs to them.

Now, come on, come on.

Looking, let's go, let's go.

I had four different ones in the cart. That's just the one I picked.

A god damn king if you're not familiar with him, get familiar. He's a hero.

My mother in law wants to fuck him so bad. I think everyone's mother in law. That's part of his power.

That's how you become a mother in law. You gotta first you gotta want to funck Shamar Moore. Then you find a child with a husband, then you're a mother in law. Should we get this started?

I think let's get into I think you you got to drip on you with great Let's go for.

You two man.

Show him your shirt.

You got a nice ass, you're looking good.

Fuck.

Yeah, we're worried about don't be scared of it.

Yeah yeah, the Nike website.

Arby's, we got the meats, you know what I mean.

Come on, yeah, yeah, you gotta put a twenty in my g string after this, of course, with your teeth on my animal.

Don't touch.

We'll let that simmer for a second.

It's already everything I wanted. This is great, Seattle.

You showed the fuck up.

Man.

We have a topic that that I'm really excited about. It's it's been in it's been an ongoing conversation, I would say, on the internet. It's it's been a bit of a hot topic. We we we should preface this by saying, we are not presenting this topic yet with any of our opinions cooked into it. It is merely a conspiracy out in the world.

So don't start doing.

The thing where you go, what the fuck y'all are bet no, no, But also we are kind of yeah, but also you know we you know how we be acting up. Yeah, listen, but it is a very exciting topic. Our topic for today is my mama told.

Me Jamie Fox cut the stream. Cut the stream. We didn't say nothing yet. We haven't said, well, we think we don't even know we against it. We could be morally against this.

That being said, that being said, alway, to give my take, Langston, what do you think.

Let's begin where where I think this topic sort of lives in a more in a more general sense, right Living Color.

Let's take it back to the beginning.

Jamie Fox obviously, uh suffered a major health scare a few months ago.

It's been a while now. That's the first issue is we don't even know what happened.

We don't know what happened, and that's that's part of where I think this conspiracy was born, right, was like, he had this major health scare. Everybody fucking loves Jamie Fox. Who doesn't love Jamie Fox. I love so so, he's so good, he's so talented. Goddamn, I don't care what hairline he has.

I love him.

Don't do that. This is Jamie Fox.

I'm not gonna let you sit here to Shamar Moore's shirt, no.

And slander a true kid.

Wait a minute, Shamar Moore had one side step with his hair and then he got honest with us.

All right, that's fair, let's be honest.

Shamar Moore had a beautiful hairline for a while, and then he lied to us. During that Tyler Perry phase, he put a wig on because he was losing his hair and he didn't want to admit that, and Tyler was like, well, I've got some shit for you.

Oh so you were in a corn row wig twenty years too late? Where was that in ninety nine?

Where was that during.

The first show Rule album? Out of Gotten Nuts? Anyways?

But then Samorrow, he's been bawled ever since, as noted on the T shirt.

Anyways, Jamie Fox.

Jamie Fox suffered this major health scare that has never been defined for us, and then the Internet took some time and we waited patiently hoping that we would get some information, and no information ever came. And then it started to feel and I think I'm not alone in this. It started to feel like that nigga wasn't with us anymore.

It felt like you was on the way out. You can't agree with that. We all felt that, like, right, yeah, it's the same way you felt it when better Bertie Mack died, where part of you was like, oh he's gone.

Yeah, it was like, oh no, it is some name, right, Yeah.

I woke up feeling bad. That is how I felt. I thought he was cashed out.

Yeah, I thought I thought for sure we were losing Jamie Fox, and it was just a matter of time days before we found it out. And then there was that weird day on the internet where they literally declared him dead. Y'all. Remember this. They literally were like, Jamie Fox died, y'all. He did. And then his daughter was like, he's not dead, hey, everybody, He's pretty alive. And in fact, we were just playing tennis the other day. And that's where I started to get suspicious.

That does sound fake, Like if I die and somebody says, we were playing tennis the other day. That's how you know that shit's not right. Look, man, I get it, I get it. Death is a spectrum.

Nope, But there's a lot of fucking room between dead and tennis, do you.

Know what I mean? Like, that's a lot of fucking space. Six degrees of separation between them.

You wasn't even playing pickleball. He was playing full court tennis.

That's crazy.

So then naturally, I think a lot of people started started to suspect that that this meant that maybe they were covering up his his real situation right right, that he may have in fact been dead.

Where do you fall inside of this? Okay?

You know, I love somebody not being dead when they're dead, Yeah, or vice versa.

Everybody knows that.

Everybody knows that about you. I'm a Tupac, I love. I think Tupac is alive right now. He's on Whidby Island. He's got a nice life. He's got a Filipino wife.

Uh, you don't even wear Bandana's no more. He just got him hanging up on his walls like little trophies.

I here's what I will say about this whole thing. I worry that he was dead. I believe his daughter, because his daughter has no reason right to be like, like, why would you do that? There's no there's nothing within that. I do think this picture that's not my django?

Yeah, why is Jamie Fox my skin color? Great question? Yeah, that we all wondered privately to ourselves.

It's like, so, do I think he's dead? Nough, I think he's alive. I think that maybe it's like he's not doing that good and maybe they like hired somebody, Like I don't think there's a clone, but maybe there's a stand in of.

Some sewer yet.

So okay, I'm glad that you brought that up, because there was one of those days. And again there was this weird period where Jamie Fox wasn't white back in the public space, but we were hearing that he was well or doing better than he was doing previously. And then there was that day on Twitter where he posted a video of him riding on a boat from like one hundred and twenty feet away, waving at fans like

Huh Is Paul McCartney the white Jamie Fox, because that's crazy.

I don't know. I don't understand the parallels.

Necessarily, culturally, everybody knows that Paul McCartney has a perfect He does perfect impressions.

Because I would watch Paul McCartney do Lawanda if you guys, that would be funny. Objectively, if Paul McCartney dressed like a dress in a dress and said I'm wearing some lingerie, you guys.

Would all laugh.

So Paul McCartney when he was you don't want to acknowledge what I said.

No, I loved Now it's cool. They're not all home runn gave it the space.

I was letting them do that, and that was gonna all right.

It was rejected.

Very funny, man, I don't want it now. Paul McCartney got in a car crash very early in the Beatles like situation when they were blowing up, And apparently there are many people who believe that Paul McCartney died in that car crash and was replaced by a different dude who then took on his id became Paul McCartney. So the Paul McCartney that we originally knew died, They picked a new guy and Paul is dead. Is sort of like a trend that happened, right, Oh.

But that makes more sense. Jamie Fox isn't like his best years are behind him, right. I don't mean that like he's doing bad now. No, But we're not gonna get any given Sunday too, No, like we don't need.

A new Yeah.

No, al Pacino is too busy fucking children.

I'm the bad guy. He's ninety nine years old.

Everyone's a child to him, but I'm the monster.

Y'all gotta reflect, think about what's happening in your world.

I'm a hero, but okay, let's here's my question about this conspiracy, because that's all whenever we do these things, it's always like very fun to joke about whatever. But ultimately it comes down to what is the point. What would be the point?

Right? What is the point?

Like, if Jamie FOXX is in fact dead and they're explaining that he's not, as they're saying he's not, what.

Is the point of that. Here's an argument I've heard. I'm not gonna say where I fall inside of this, It's just an argument I've heard is that I do think that there is a fair amount of evidence that we can do some pretty insane shit with AI now, right, we can we can do some pretty wild shit with replicating people's faces and voices and create essentially their identity through fake technology. Right, There is an argument to be made that Jamie Fox if he died unsuspected death, right

They wouldn't let him be dead for shazam that tune on Fox.

Come on, don't clone, they clone Tyrone. He's got that dog movie with fucking He's got that dog movie with Will Farrow coming out that they keep putting pictures up that nobody's seen a trailer for. There's a lot of shit Jamie Fox is working on right that. If I'm a big old studio exec with a whole bunch of technology, go Jamie Fox ain't dead.

To me.

Seem like Jamie Fox is working. Last I check, Jamie Fox is booked and busy.

I'm like, listen, I want this one because I love conspiracy theories. But if we got to talk about where I'm at on it, ultimately, man, I'm not going I think I think Jamie Fox is alive. I think he's just down bad. I think we should mind our own business.

I like that. I think I feel similarly. I think I think, at the end of the day, I do believe that Jamie Fox is alive, and I think that we suffer, frankly from an era. We live in an era where we expect to watch people die in front of us, and that's part of our own sickness. More than it is a reflection of Jamie Fox needing to show us in his most vulnerable sort of difficult state.

Someone get this jigaboo away from me. That that was a mixed one. That was a mixed up fuck.

That was a bixed up. I thought we did a good thing.

It was great.

That was a mixed up Jesus Christ.

That was Julian That that's called motherfucking blonde and nothing.

Now I don't want it.

You're right to leave, sir. I'm also upset. Should we Should we get to our our next game? Perfect? The timing is fucking perfect. Yeah, let's get to I'm excited to play. We have a really exciting game and this game that we want to play with you guys, but.

It is gonna require some volunteers.

We're gonna take some volunteers from the audience, any of you that are brave enough to participate. We would love some volunteers for the game. I'm seeing hands already. It's very exciting. We'll call on you when the time is right. But we're gonna play a brand new game. This game has never been played before. It's recently been cooked up. But it's a game called quid pro quo ho.

There's some things that we write in the group chat and I'm like, that's never gonna work.

Yeah, it works.

It's a very fun game called quick quick quote pro It's almost harder to say than it is to explain the way that this game works is we are going to introduce to you some premises of of things that could be happening in the world. But all of those premises come with a condition. There is a condition for the premises. What we would love for you to do, the volunteers that come up, We would love for you to just give your take on which of these two

It sounds weird.

As soon as you see the questions you're going to it'll make perfect sense.

As soon as you said, can we can we get a volunteer. Can we start with a volunteer. Okay, this is lady. I'm come on up, yeah, give it up for.

Use a microphone. We don't want to stand next to you. So what's your name?

My name is Sabina the Ben, I'm Langston and I'm Chuck English.

All right, are you ready for the first question?

And you gotta give us your complete gut like don't don't think it out too much, just.

Gut what you think.

Follow your heart on this one.

All right, let's offer the first premise.

You got the first Now, all right, you get definite proof that aliens exist and they are coming to Earth to give every black person fifteen hundred dollars in reparations.

Which is more than we have now. Pretty good deal. But Ussher is wife.

I don't need fifteen hundreds.

I don't need that money.

That bad.

Not us, sure, Sabina for everyone.

Look, look he's doing it. They already want. Look you don't like white usher.

No, I agree with that.

He said we don't deserve him, and I feel the same way. That was a tough one, though it wasn't.

Okay, Okay, Sabina, Sabina, before you leave, talk us through your thinking. Tell us why you would sacrifice fifteen hundred dollars for everybody fifteen hundred dollars.

I'm children too.

Come on, that's like two TVs.

No, No, I'm good, I'm good.

Yeah, big ones. We have Usher, they have John B. They can be happy with John.

Whoa.

I didn't know y'all cherish John B.

As much as it sounds like he means a lot to the white community.

Today, I thought he was Puerto Rican. This is news to me. Well, Sabina, thank you so much. Before we go to the next one, what do you think? What would you do?

Okay, here's my honest answer. I think the potential of aliens that support black people, not because of the money. I don't think the money is the big payoff here, But I do think aliens that are like, hey, we just added to a population of people that fuck with black people. I'm going with aliens. Usher can be white. Hey, now theam white girls got her bees? Where do you think it's starting? Brother said again, white Usher on roller skates.

I don't know. That would be crazy. I don't know. I mean, if.

They add white Usher to the X Games, that's fucking cool.

Y'all are tripping. That'd be interesting to watch.

Here's where I'm at with this one, is that, Like, I feel like if it's not it's not gonna stop at fifteen hundred dollars.

If they're already gonna give us fifteen hundred dollars.

Yeah, maybe we get some houses, but I just feel like Usher's done enough for us. Let him rest as a white man. Listen, he hush your rest. He fucked everybody's wife. He can just he can just go to College Park and sleep.

Like, yeah, I love that.

I think I might be for the reparations on this one.

You gotta take the reparations. I think that's maybe that's a good rule to live by for all black people. Take the reparations, y'all.

Just take it out. You can get it.

They're not coming any other way except for aliens and a white Usher, So take the reparation, all right, Next one.

You're ready?

Okay, this one's exciting. Who wants to do the next one? I saw this brother in the back right here, I saw your hand, all right, Okay, here, wear a full shirt to come and see us, to compete with Linkston for being the sexiest one out here.

First of all, congrats Mike. You're the sexiest one here. That's my friend, Michael.

We grew up together. You're the only person I know in Seattle. Okay, here we go. Wait, what's your name? What's your name? Bennette ben Yeah, Benneth. Okay, you successfully take down the billionaire class and are able to create a direct pipeline to redistribute their wealth amongst black and brown people.

But no, it sounds great, but does sound great, But.

You have to be married to current Stacey dash and and and and everywhere you go. You walk into a room and someone yells out this nigga musky.

Whoa, yeah, I'm gonna have to take down the billionaires distribute their wealth only to.

The brown and black people.

Though, whoa, I'm sorry, hey, give it up for this musty nigga Benning. I want everybody to tell me I'm musty. I wait, so you're not at all concerned about the bullying that would come, because that's truly I'll be honest. I wrote this and I was like, this is my nightmare. This is literally the worst possible scenario I could imagine is everywhere you go, somebody goes that nigga musty.

What type of must is it though?

Is it black people must or white people must?

There's black mus, it's black must.

If it's black must, I'm good.

Now you all of a sudden you don't want to save it's all anymore?

No, no, I'll save it. You take it if it's black must. Yeah.

Oh you mean that we're saying that white must is so pungent that it is beyond sacrifice.

Yeah.

Wow.

This is one of those things where we ride the line where we're like, maybe we are kind of race.

Yeah, now this is bigotry, and we apologize, We apologize. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, guys, I'm so sorry.

I knew we weren't.

We weren't gonna lose the tank top boys. But I'm more concerned. I'm more concerned with some of our our other compadres in all of this. Okay, Okay, my wife.

Stop ragging. Okay, I have a white wife. Do you have a white wife? Congratulations? She did? She just go like this.

I want to be clear, my wife. My wife isn't white, she's she's a mixed lady.

Shut up, they're guate.

Okay, Benneth, Benneth, is there so so white? Must would be the thing that that makes you draw the line. But you are comfortable with the Stacy Dash of this.

Can you explain more about Stacey Dash?

Oh?

Sure, please, I don't I don't have the full context.

I assume we were all learned. We had all learned up on Stacy Dash.

Well, Bennett, she is literally the polaroid of perfection.

Stacy Dash.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with her work and and her her her continued existence since her work, Stacy Dash became very popular in the nineties for her performance in the film Clueless. You may remember her from the film Clueless. She she played Dion. She was phenomenal in that film.

Also uncontroversial figure Kanye West brought her back for the All Fall Down video.

Yeah, she was the baddest lady of two thousand and five.

I believe when it was a big deal to all of us. I think we all had a Stacy Dash one hundred percent.

That's when we found out that she was also Dame Dash's cousin. They are related.

Is a family name Empire. I thought them niggas made it up, but apparently made it up. That's crazy.

But more recently, Stacy Dash has made a transition into a Fox News pundit. She has also become a massive advocate for Donald Trump. She is, she is a she. She also sometimes I think puts in weird contact lenses. Still very fuckable. Oh yeah, I'll.

Still do it.

You still do it, of course, yes, man, keep it going for ben it.

Thank you.

My favorite, my favorite recent Stacy Dash uh discovery, I guess is maybe the best way of phrasing this.

Uh Stacy Dash.

Very recently, like two months ago, found out.

That d m X died. Oh I did see that was.

And she had a hard time with it, but who amoma s didn't?

Yeah, but not a year and a half after, I still every day it's like losing a loved one that never closes.

It was hard. It was a hard day.

Tough beat man, God bless you DMX. Where are you at on this one?

Okay?

I do because I know you wrote it, and I know that musty thing hurt. It scares you to your soul.

That's my problem is I'm one hundred percent down to Mary Stacey Dash. That bitch still got it.

That said.

That said, I don't know that I can get over the musty hump. I truly don't. I'm so sorry, but we've made it this far. Y'all will figure it out without the redistribution.

Here's the hard thing about the musty thing is, like, I feel like it would affect a lot of my friendships.

You can't.

You can't stay friends with people. Win everybody have friends that wouldn't.

Okay, perfect example, We're gonna have her on our New York.

Show, Sam j Sam Jay. Very funny.

You can't do that anymore, very funny, very cruel lady who would truly eat you alive if you smell.

But all the time you gotta go get haircut.

Yeah, like that's a lot to put on you. I don't think I can handle being musty that often.

That's all. That's all it takes.

Hey, big dog, if you if you, if you've been to middle school, you know that's all it is. That's all being musty is. Is somebody like, Hey, that nigga musty, and now that is your your identity for the whole of your childhood. And as someone that called plenty of people.

Musty, yeah, I could see it on you.

I owe apologies to adults. Well, yeah, you.

Think I'm in Seattle on accident. I'm avoiding a lot of things. I take the I take the musty. You're taking the musty.

I mean, I'd like to think that me getting all the wealthy distributed would give me enough of a boost for people to be like, oh, it's okay, because there's been people who were musty. I don't imagine bismark. He smelled great. We still loved we loved him, like I think you can be loved him be musty.

I think it's possible.

You you think you think you're gonna walk into the room and somebody be like that nigga musty, and then somebody be like, yeah, but he cool though.

Yeah, well I think they're gonna be like, my kid's going to college.

Thank you, David, you steaky, you.

Stanky bitch.

But it's okay. You say Eric Andre was musty?

Yeah he did, dude. He did an entire season of his show where he made himself musty and shit would't happen to me though. Should we do one more? Yeah, we should do the last because you are voluntary com on. Hell yeah, all.

Right, this is a song Musty that would hurt.

It will hurt real bad. All right, Okay, all right, this doesn't push your name. Say it again? Day okay?

Hell yeah, all right, you.

Have a perfect hairline for the rest of your life until you fucking die.

Never gotta get into free angles. Beautiful, But.

Every time you had a dancing function, you can only do the Harlem shape and.

Not the good one. This one. H okay, yeah, fuck the hairline. Yeah wow.

You're saying, you're saying, now you look good ball anyway, right, you're saying you're fine with losing the Chris pair line for for being able to dug you every once in a while. I'm good.

Look at him.

That looks so stupid. Why did they call this the Harlem Shake?

I never understood what happened Harlem share? You had the good one?

Oh you're saying the song was called Harlem Shake.

Okay, you're just making up stuff. What what are you saying?

The name of the song was called the Harlem Shade, but it ain't the dance. But it's not the dance.

And then you look like you could kind of do the Harlem shape.

Come on, oh ship, Okay, okay, hit that one more, hit one more time for him? Come on, Hey, he ain't grabbed the bottom of his t shirt.

So that was like the training wheels. Oh man, shout out to those taties. Where are you with this me personally? Oh man, I got it good right now and I'm thirty six. I don't think it's gonna get worse. But I'm also already not an incredible dancer. So like I don't think I could take this hit, I have to I have to say no, that's that's I don't think I could.

Take that hit.

Like I don't think I could take that hit. Man, I respect that. I'll be honest, I'm taking that hairline as fast. I will ruin you like you could dare. I will destroy your child's bar mitsfull for a crisp hair line for the rest of my life. My dad is bald, and I am terrified that it is coming for me next. And no, I'm taking Yeah, I'm taking that. Chris, So, you were a cool dancer I used to be. I saw you now washed two weeks ago. You got on State Hell yeah, you were swag surfing on stag.

It was impressive. You want to give out, you want to give all that up. I'll give it up in a second.

I have my heyday. I shined that star shine bright and sometimes they got a they got a dim all.

Right, I mean, but you got shirt on her idol.

Right, listen, Shamar Moore, don't dance no more. There's a lot of reasons for that. We watched him host Soul Train. He did them weird pelvis, so many pumps. Y'all shamed him and shame on you for it. But now the man don't dance and he's fine. He's still happy. He's still finds peace with his secret white wife.

I presume.

No, she's on his Instagram's. I think she's also German though, because he's a German. Anyways, thank you so much.

I appreciate it.

I bet that was.

Gonna be I bet that was gonna be a much harder question. I don't know we asked her, right, brother, you don't have any hair on your head right now. You wouldn't do it either. You wouldn't the Harlem shake. You're saying it's not worth it for you.

Damn Yeah.

I was about to say, it's hard to ask a ball guy because you've you've made peace. I assume with where you're at in a way that that this brother right here, he's still holding on to something. You come man, Yeah, you're like, no, you know, and you look good. You you ain't dripping, You're fine. But I'm saying, like, there there's nothing. You can't give it up yet. Whereas he he's already he's fine. You're a pace damn.

Yeah, where are you at? Just so I'm curious.

So you're team hairline right, Look, she's speaking for him. Yeah, he's team hairline.

Yeah.

Now he wants his hairline. He told me, he told me privately he gonna take their.

Divorce team hairline. Yeah.

Yeah, my baby said, we team hairline. So so we team hairline.

Oh man, should we do.

Our next topic?

Yeah? We have one more conspiracy.

We have one more conspiracy. This is actually one that we I covered years ago on one of the many episodes, but we've never gotten to talk about it together. And and and it got presented. I think we both got excited about dipping back in to the joys of this.

But my mama told me.

Sammy Davis Junior's glass eye is a piece of Israeli spyware. I'm already hearing some people believe it. Some people are bought in.

I started last time. Do you want to kick this off? This is in no way a reflection on my views of the state of Israel. I think that Sammy Davis Junior could easily be bought. So yeah, I kind of believe this.

WOA.

I think he would do a lot for a check fact, Sammy Davis, and I think he was very questionable morally.

Did you ever hear Eddie.

Murphy talk about him Sammy worship devil?

Yeah?

No, I assume this might be common knowledge, but for those of you that don't know, there's a fair amount of evidence that Sammy Davis Junior was a devil worshiper. And I don't mean that in a silly way.

No, Like he he eyes on it for like in the way that your grandma warns you about it.

Yeah, that like he shows the devil he was presented with with light and dark, and he was like, I'm going that way. Yeah, I'm following Dean Martin. Yeah, listen, I just I do get to Sammy Davis Junior. I never trusted him. And it's not because his face is like that. It's just because I don't trust him. He just it's not the it's not even the rat pack of it all. It's just he seems like a he seems like a guy who would do that for money.

I don't know.

He loves show business. I just don't trust him. And like the timing could lie.

I love that there's just one lone voice in the back saying Sambo.

He's a Sambo, sir. I need you to come to the rest of the shows on this tour.

That's gotta be a drop from now on. We don't press the button. We just point into the darkness. Sambo.

We'll have a living.

We'll give you one free drink ticket to say Sambo at every show. Fly yourself out. This podcast isn't successful enough.

But yeah, I just and this is a gut thing, is I have nothing to back this up. My gut tells me yeah, he would have done it.

So so let's put this in a little bit of context for those of you that are less familiar with Sammy Davis Junior.

He obviously is a very yeah stop it.

He he's a very successful entertainer from the earlier parts of the nineties, I guess mid parts of the nineteen hundreds.

He he's old.

The motherfucker was old. He lost his eye in a car crash. He was in a pretty terrible car crash that ended up making him lose his eye, and from that point he had to have a glass eye from the from that point forward, I think part of the reason that Israeli spyware comes up is because after the car crash, he does convert to Judaism, right, he does make a and he does point to the car crash specifically in this near death experience as one of the

Okay, yeah, you know what I mean.

Because also I never thought he was that talented.

Can really didn't have a beautiful voice, no, but I particularly handsome and funny.

I think there was a period in like the there was a period in this country where you didn't have to have a good voice.

You just had to have a distinct voice.

Is his voice distincts? I don't know no other niggas? That's thing like that, you know what I mean?

Yeah, it's just him. Yeah, yeah, ras beato thing like that. He's saying regular. So wait, where are you? Where are you on this?

I think I think that certainly, I do believe that Sammy Davis Junior would do a lot of things for money, and I think that he would do a lot of fucked up things for a group of people that was not his own community. That said, I do not believe that he necessarily put a piece of Israeli spywear into his head. I do think that some of that is

Evil for the Jewish community.

You say things that I don't want to respond to sometimes, No, you think I don't think Sammy Davis Junior was a dumb man.

I don't want to make that suggestion. Yeah, maybe, but I think he was a pretty bright man. I think he was pretty aware of all the things that he was doing. And I also don't trust that there was real technology that we wouldn't have seen some beat boot beat boots in his eye.

Yeah, he would have looked like a six million dollar man in the nineteen sixties.

That I would have been humongous.

Would have been the biggest fucking eye they had antenna come out to me.

It would have made those those boot up sounds that your motim used to make, Like to get off the computer, Frank, hang up the phone. I'm trying to spy on Martin Luther King.

But this is not your shame, man.

It's like this motherfucker wrote his own script. We rehearse this, wait till you see his quid pros. Okay, us just white, but you get to all the tech taps you've ever dreamed of.

I will say, on a serious note, this whole thing does speak to like I tend to believe that like anti Semitism is so rampant, just like not just in the conspiracy community, but just in general. Like it's like they're just like a group of people that people put a lot of shit on the rise of totalitarianism by Hannah L.

Rent. Anybody just think a read books. I do that, I tend.

I tend to go with that where it's like, but it is also like a latent life religious turn in general.

I'm always it's a.

Little unnerving to see somebody make that kind of turn, and especially the shift from Judaism to e Al worshiping feels really fucking complicated in a way that almost feels like Sammy was antisemitic, do you know.

What I mean?

It feels like he didn't even know what he was doing, so he's just being fucking evil. It was a business decision, and then he he's like, these motherfuckers didn't pay out. I do to your point, I do think that that, you know, black people. Obviously this is a black focused podcast, but I do think we would be we would be silly to not acknowledge how much of conspiracy theory in general, even our black conspiracy theories have a little bit of anti Semitism cooked into them, much like it is wild

Yeah, yeah, keep having fun. I like that, Yeah, geez, she hates it. Yeah, she's like, this ain't fun for me no more. She's gonna go tell the Jewish people.

Hey, they talking about you.

Downstairs at the little room.

Yeah, not the big one. You gotta go around back in an alley. They got drinks on schools, they got drinks. No air conditioning, but it's it's pretty hot in there. But you'll see them, one of them sweaty, not the one you would expect.

Yeah, this is crazy. I brought this down.

Yeah no, you you got your Bruce Bruce style and I'm fucking dying up here.

Yeah you have it.

No, it's okay, all right. Fuck, I remember seeing you sweaty before.

It's a good time.

I'm a you know what's crazy. I'm a really sweaty person and I'm right insane me too, But they would have thought that I fucking if I take a long walk, I'm gonna be sweaty as ship a man. Anyway, we're gonna, oh this is exciting. For for our final segment of the evening, we want to open it up to you, guys. We wanted to accept you motherfucking chill out. We want to open it up to the audience. We want to

You don't have to line up and ship.

Just raise your hand. We'll call on you.

We'll try to get to everybody that we can.

Please.

Oh, thank you.

As of today, YouTube channel has one point seventy five thousand subscribers. So there's supposed to be a nun check demonstration one thousand subscribers, and I was going to bring some and then I was like, they're not gonna let me in with nunchucks. I talked to the guys in front. They were like, no, we would be a good story, but no. So you also a nunchuck demonstration and a two hundred and fifty more people harmonica.

Yeah fuck yeah.

So my question is when mostly didn't think we were gonna get there, I was like, everybody listens to the fucking podcast.

You could do an air nunchucks like you could do it in the air.

No, we need we need real nunchucks.

You need them. We know they have.

No, I'm not gonna use the microphone. This is precious equipment. Yeah, it has been dropped quite a bit. That microphone is shaped like a dildo.

It was like Shane Battier's head from my NBA fans, you remember that said.

He look crazy.

That's a dude who I think he would vote to keep his hairline.

I think Shane Battier and Carlos Boozer would both sacrifice everything to get those hairlines back.

Whatever was happening at Duke during the years.

But also, don't run from it. Are you ready? Are you ready for the Nunscheck?

I'll be honest, I'm not ready. But but with with only what is it? How many do we have left?

One point seventy five right now?

Okay, so with.

Only twenty five left?

Is that what your twenty five? Okay?

Yeah, no, no, I'm a dumb dumb with two hundred and fifty people left, I can get myself ready. I've I've avoided it, I've put it off, but I think I can get myself ready. Are you ready?

Of course I'm not ready. You know I'm not ready. Yeah, I would have told you if I had picked.

Up a new skills if you're like a harmonica man, I.

Would Yeah, I would have put it in the group chat. I'm not ready, but I can be ready. I'm not I'm not gonna go crazy, like I'm not gonna rip a solo. But like Mary had a little lamb. But it's like technical, yeah, I could do that.

I can do that.

I want to make this promise for you, the people of Seattle, who I'll never see again, that that two hundred and fifty people from now. If if we get those subscribers, and some of you owe a subscription, so get on it.

If this is what you want.

But but I will, I will hold myself accountable, and I will hold my dear friend David Borie accountable so that we do a joint demonstration at some point on this tour.

If it is in fact decided it's gonna be the worst concert ever. I accept that.

All right, thank you, thank you.

I really thought people were gonna forget about that.

I did too. I was really pushing. It's just this one motherfucker man. Yeah, I don't even think any of these worker's care.

But he all he was like, actually, you.

I noticed I've been tracking the numbers. Oh, we we have a very Oh he's eager down. He was like, I'm not even going to finish your rift.

Go ahead, I spent much of my life as a token white Okay, I'm very familiar with the various theories about white people, most of them true, like how we smell.

When we get wet.

I appreciated that that came up.

I don't know. I can't find this clear.

I I lean on you guys for a lot of you know, good understanding of the scientific facts about people.

I want to ask, which is what we're doing here? Yeah, this is science, But why don't white people get called? Oh that's a.

That's a great question. I actually know a little bit. Do you want to go first or do you.

Want me to know? I think if you have the science.

Uh, the very funny Naomik Paragon, If you guys are at all familiar with nam Very did an episode on the podcast where she asked that very question. This is very early on in the podcast. So I don't shame you at all for not Jesus Christ, don't listen to those episodes.

They weren't good.

Good.

Yeah, Bory was great.

But one of the reasons it is believed is that white people statistically have smaller pores, and because of your smaller pores, it is it is basically like insulate right, that you guys create this sort of like filter of the the cold that would otherwise penetrate to your bones.

That's happening with a black people who have larger pores. You have smaller pores.

It's probably some genetic shit, but that is why you are less likely to get cold than black people.

That's Langston's answer. I was gonna say that the I switch you're all descended from left or sank on you, but that's that could be you too, that's reasonable.

Both can be true true.

I think we all agree white people are descendants of a nice witch.

With little ass pores. There we go.

Is that does that answer? Does that feel good?

Yeah?

Thank you for asking your question. Oh we we have an excited volunteer here. Yes, please come on down like the price is right.

This isn't exciting, Fea, but.

Make it slower than the price is right and less enthusiastic.

She's excited. I just had to fill the quiet, you know.

Oh good, thank you for helping think tank top bloys going to work. Yeah.

So when is doctor malk I Love going to be a guest on the podcast ship. I know, first of all, you looked at me in your eyes the eyes when you said that, I appreciate that.

It was very jarring. Let me ask let me say this.

I think I think you asking that is like me looking at you and saying, when are your dreams gonna come true?

I don't know, ma'am. It is my first of all, he's in jail. He's a second, he's he's a bad man.

Let's be objective here, Doctor Malick I love, and I do believe he is a doctor. I don't care what anybody says. He is a doctor to me, Doctor Malack I love is a bad man. He was a bad boy and then no one intervened and he became a bad man. That said, boy, would I love to talk to him?

It would be a huge git.

It would be the It would be the best thing that could ever happen.

You have a hand of some sort. You put money on his books or some shit. Let us know.

Olivia, And we didn't shout out Olivia, but Olivia is here. This is our producer, Olivia. She does so much phenomenal work for this podcast. But Olivia will tell you that that the original dream git was was Drake's Dad.

Yeah, I remember that episode.

Drake's Dad was the original dream Git, and Olivia is so dedicated to trying to get Drake's dad on the podcast that at one point she was dming with Drake's dad, but when Drake's dad found out that she was not willing to fuck him, he stopped responding.

Certified lover boy.

So I don't know if we're gonna get doctor Malachi Love. I will do a prison call. I will accept the collect call if it's an option. I do still dream of him. I dream of Drake's dad. There's a lot of gets that fucking Goo we've talked about.

We could get Goo, we can get Goose Family, we can get doctor Malka.

You just got what's that? JP? Whoever made that noise is far too familiar. They're like, they're like, yeah, it's the app right here. It's easy. But yeah, so we don't we don't know.

Prescribers, you all need to get a prison call.

Listen.

We would do it.

We would do it today in front of you, if we could get it to happen.

I think I think the challenge is getting in contact with him and explaining that he can't do evil things on the podcast.

He just got to talk.

But you know, yeah, we'll ask Will Ferrell. Yeah, Will Farrell can hook that up. I think we have Let's do too, Let's do too.

We can do more. We'll do two more.

Okay, okay, we have one up up front. Yet you don't want the microphone your project? Go ahead?

All right?

So I'll be honest. I I've been drinking Seltzer this whole time. I'm not even drinking, so hell yeah, I'll take one if you're going that way.

Oh you don't think I drink. I don't have kids, dog, I'm loose. Yeah, I'll take a drink.

Was that your questions? Okay? Thank god, because we only had two more and if we wasted it on you doing weight service.

Anyway. So question is on the other from somewhere else? If not why whoa I love the middle school?

If not?

Why?

But if yes, why I don't love how much you're thinking about that.

I'm just trying to articulate it felt it felt like an easy answer for the NFL, very complex for you.

What No, I don't.

What I'm saying is and this is a compliment to you, a testament to you. I think that Langston is brilliant and that his understanding of humanity is greater than somebody who just got here.

So no, I don't think he's an alien. And that's why I was thinking about it.

Damn.

So if you if it was anything, he would be a demon because he because he wants.

To be a bad guy.

That's want to be a bad guy.

That's that's and that's because I like you, I know him what he thinks.

That was a good answer, and really just it warmed my heart. I was just gonna be like, no, this nigga cool. But I do I I don't believe that David is a a alien. I think that he is a hilarious person and sometimes he makes me laugh in a way that freaks me the fuck out. But I don't I don't believe that he's the alien. I think that the aliens amongst us are not They're they're not chill, yeah you know what I mean. Like, they're not they're not being fucking evil the way that we've imagined. Like

Why are you buying cat food and talking to me? That's fucking weird. Why are you only buying cat food and popsicles? Yeah? How does your household?

What?

You fucking Martian? What is wrong with you?

I don't.

I don't think they're like in charge. I think they're just like wandering and doing odd ball shit. But this nigga cool?

And then we got one.

We have one more, so make it a goddamn good one. Don't you raise your hand if you're gonna ask some stupid ship?

Okay?

Oh wait, no, okay, I'm not gonna stop you. But this, this person in the back did have their hand up a lot and and unfortunately got usurped a few times. Is that okay, we're gonna we're gonna go here, But I'm gonna let you throw in your question too, brother, Please, what.

If it was just like my dad, David, did you miss me.

To shoot without him?

And I just kind of like SI, I'm like, that wasn't as funny as it wasn't. No, I loved it they're wrong.

They're wrong, They're fucking wrong. You nailed it.

We all grew up on the fresh person.

It's also because he's wearing the backwards hat like the daddy that left.

You Remember when he walked out, he had to backwards that on.

You were like me with him.

I can't do this. I gotta get to Pittsburgh.

Alrighty do you believe the Belgian waffles were created to cover up the atrocities in your home country?

Who's home country?

My home country, the Congo. I was so shook for a second. I was like, did I miss some whole ship? But yes, yes, I do believe that.

There's no reason for those waffles to be that delicious. The Belgian people haven't produced anything else yummy. Name it, name it if you disagree, name it. What other yummy Belgian thing is there? It's just beer and waffles. That's it.

Huh, Chocolate, it's fine.

It ain't no different than a Hershey's.

You know it, and I know it.

They're gonna they're gonna try to convince you with some elevated chocolate. No French fries.

That's French.

We all know it.

It's in the title. Then why French fries. Oh well that's a good point.

Yeah, you know how you know how to get us in? All right, that's a good question.

Thank you, Yeah, thank you. The last one. Yea, let's let's let's have our last one. I don't want to cut you off, so please or yell it or what however?

Oh shit like all that you.

Yeah, hmm. The best advice that my mom ever told me.

My mom always told me it's not even like life advice, but she was just like, no matter how all this shit works, people find each other. So it's like, if you find yourself surrounded by love or whatever, that was what you were putting out and that's what you brought.

Like, people find each other. You find your people in this life. Damn. That's so positive and fucking cool. She also told me, if you swallow gumule dies, so I don't.

It's complicated never And I just talked to my little brother and I was like, did mom tell me?

Did mommy tell you this? And he was like, yeah, I thinks she. I don't know.

I don't know why where that came from, but to find each other thing is real. Yeah, my mom's not.

As uplifting of a human being nice lady, really smart, not a not a in spirer in that way. My mom told me, hey, everybody don't like you, and it's very good advice and it really fixed a lot of relationships for me.

Some cute shit, Mike, What were you doing when she said that?

You want the real story, I went to a place called Kidnastics. Do you remember kidnastics? Me and Mike really grew up together. Do you remember kidnastics?

There was a.

There was an activity center in our neighborhood called Kidnastics that was essentially like a giant jungle gym where parents would drop their kids off. This was a fucking nineties. This is back when you didn't have to watch your kids. You would drop your kids off and leave them for hours while we jumped in bounce houses and climbed random

And I was such a quiet sort of bad that Nigga was musty and that's what I've been telling people.

But I was such a quiet, sort of like shy, bashful kid that I didn't stand up for myself. I sort of let it all happen. And she was like, why didn't y'all beat him up? And I was like, but no, that's not what we're supposed to do. It just seems like i'd be a bad person. She's like, it don't matter. Everybody don't like you, and that it was more.

The yelling that stuck.

But I do think, I do think underneath the yelling was these words that felt very precise to the way that I needed to move forward. So that's that's the advice that explains a bunch No, hell yeah, hell yeah.

That was good advice.

Guys, This is this has been fucking phenomenal. Thank you so much for being serious. We couldn't appreciate you guys more. Thank you for listening, Thank you, thank you for doing the thing. If you're not already a subscriber, yeah, oh ship, well we we already started the goodbyes. We gotta get this brother on the road. The the most, the most outlandish conspiracy that that we've ever heard. Do you have one in your mind?

That that. I mean, it's we hear some crazy ship.

I don't know.

I don't want to like, we're not gonna do it. We're only gonna do it for the live one. I think it's that Kobe Bryant thing. We can't be here all night.

We can't.

No, we got another show.

Okay, we will tell you this. We're gonna save it for we have to be in La tomorrow to do another live show. But but you guys are here and that's exciting. We we we came across the conspiracy. David came across the conspirit.

You want to say it, Uh, Kobe Bryant was killed by Big Pharma because he was in this woman said yes.

Like it's oh, you're saying yes, it's weird, it's insane.

There there are people who believe that Kobe Bryant was doing a deal in relation to a or rather was.

Being he was suing the company who was making black Mamba pills. He he was suing the company. His agent was invested in said company who was making the black Mamba pills, and then.

He was set to have a court case where he basically held them and the sort of like larger pharmaceutical companies accountable for this, this dangerous pill that was being sort of sent out and sold places. And then they they killed him in a helicopter crash to keep him from having this didn't end fund y'all have that note we got we We couldn't appreciate you guys more. Thank you so much for being here. We'll take pictures with you and whatever you want to do.

Bye bitchet

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