Magic's Killer Johnson: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

This is it's like when you come out of the out of the fucking back in your warmups, like you were screaming and ship yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's it's like coming out of the tunnel. Yeah, and you're like, I think I know how to play basketball, but I don't know if I know how to play it like this And you see one person with a sign that says like langs and sucks and you get in your head. Yeah, it's like, oh, fuck you Lanks, and it's like whoa specific can do that? Yeah, I'm the I'm I'm the

third point guard. Yeah, why do you hate me? So? Not the face of this team. That's how it feels. We we we soldier on. Yeah, and and listen, we have to soldier on because we were dealing with with the conspiracies of our listeners and today specifically, we got an email from a person named Marcus Wait before though, as par Olivia, I just do say, I was in

the streets shout out to my friend ray Sean. She's just black, but she has biracial siblings and her biracial siblings from her black father, all with different white mothers. I believe all that ass damn she said, every one of them that just got as damn so. So the theory remains. The theory remains that black fathers give up that That's not the best way to say it, black fathers giving up that ass call me now, I don't know why that's a commercial. It was Cleo Cleo's in

it for some reason. She called it out for your free my father give it to you, give you a big dunk dunk. I don't know. She didn't either. She wasn't really Jamaican and she was from Baltimore. Yeah, that was just a regular as black lady being real offensive in a sweet spot in the in the nineties where you didn't have to worry about nothing. No, it was the one nine hundred number. You didn't think they were

really that race. Now, yeah, you knew exactly what Miss Cleo was and if you pretend otherwise, you knew she was not Jamakan. And you know they weren't hot and horny girls. Those were lonely single mothers on the other side of that call, which is which they could have advertised as such. I just would have dialed in. There's a bunch of people who would have still called. But we can't. Okay, our our conspiracy are rather our email

comes from a person named Marcus. Marcus sent us a very aggressive email top to bottom, I would say, very aggressive, and it's it's the subject is Magic's Killer Johnson, Magic Killer Johnson. He says, Hey, Lenston and David, I know you saw my previous emails. Nigga, don't play with me, and then he just goes into the next thing. He doesn't like emails. I don't know this nigga. Marcus apparently has been trying to contact us endlessly and uh and

we just haven't paid him any attention. But he says, so I watched an HBO show from the A D from the E D show Light Showtime Lakers, And it reminded me about a conspiracy theory I heard from my wild ass uncle. My momma's told me. Magic Johnson didn't retire because he contracted HIV. The NBA forced him to retire because his legendarily large Johnson killed a few women and they got tired of covering up the killings. Not no, See, that's why we didn't listen to your other email, Marcus.

That stupid ship to say, have you been on the internet? If girls could die from huge pipes, Giana Michaels would have passed no to like, what are you talking about Jana Fire? Do you think she would still be alive? Magic Johnson is splitting women in half just up the middle with his giant pinness, and the NBA is so tired of these dead women that they forced him to retire from this sport. We gotta cover up all these

dead women. Man, think you're killing us and you're killing these bitches last time you went to last time you played the Timberwolves, half of Minnesota was dead dead Magic. We're losing bus drivers, pta presidents, cooks. It's indiscriminate. No, this is insane. No woman got dicked down to death. I'm not gonna say no woman, obviously, I think someone I was gonna say, I think there's been a few women that got dicked down to death. Yeah, but I

don't think it's that. I don't think it's common enough. He also played in a basketball game that night. Yeah, I don't. I think the issue is I don't think that it's in the throes of passion that they're dick down to death. I think it's a man committing tremendous violence like against them that they're dick down to death. I don't think somebody's saying existing heart condition. Yeah, I

don't think. Yeah, right, it's not somebody. But I'm saying it's not somebody just like having a great time time and then suddenly they just like die from giant penis. I think it's no. No, things are going awry from the beginning. Yeah, if somebody died with a dick and him, you gotta look at it's like the first you gotta look at everything that happened in the three hours proceeding, and that's that they'll teach you that day one in Detective school. Yeah, you gotta love that case in forty

eight hours, otherwise it gets hard. It's like that dick that killed her. No, man, Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Do you think he killed so many? And also the NBA could not cover that if Magic Johnson killed a woman with his penis, it would get out, it would

get immediately. I think that that if nothing else, all all the homophobic men who were so uh sort of thrown off by Magic Johnson's HIV diagnosis because they were calling it a gay disease back blah blah blah blah blah, this is more more than enough evidence for them to bring it up, being like, this is proof that that he doesn't even have AIDS. That AIDS ain't the or HIV. It isn't the thing that you're you're suggesting this. He's not gay, he's he just loves women more than any

of us. If, if anything, that rumor is the one thing that could have got him back into the league at that time, right that it's like, no, he doesn't have HIV, he's he's just gotta the biggest penis that ever was. Yeah, he killed these twelve ladies after the Spurs game and he's sorry, saying Antonio, but isn't you know, hopefully you'll find a new comptroller. So this goes on because I think I love that. I will say that,

I really love that. The diversity of the people that he's fucking in your imagination, Yeah, yeah, no, anybody can get it, as far as I thought. But it sounds like not only anybody, but everybody. It sounds like he really is trying to hit all of like the scales of the market, you know what I mean when after my own heart, Yeah, I respect that. That's pretty cool.

I think it's cooler than to fuck a ton of weird people than like a little a few hot people right the like just to funk like three models is fine, but to fuck like sixty eight working class gals from all over the market that's each with different attributes and stats. ROBERTA, she wants your kids. Let's just say she wanted to be all of garden because of the unlimited bread sticks and stuff like that. That's what I'm into. The additional part that he says, Marcus goes on to say that

we should be together too. Let's say that. No, he does say, ps, And then I got nervous that you actually did know what he says. But yes, but you may ask didn't he come back and play again? Yes, I would ask that, and he Marcus says, yes he did. But that's because NBA writings were dipping from MJ's retirement. Insert funk flex bombs. No, I'm not doing that. You're not gonna give Marcus the funk flex drop that he's so desperately desires. Michael Jordan was gone for one season.

What are you talking about, Well, Michael Jordan's I will say that the NBA had to I would assume had to have suffered pretty dramatic viewership loss at the hands of Michael Jordan's leaving. I don't think that part field. Do you think Magic Johnson is the one who would have revived that? Do you think I would have been like Michael Jordan's gone. Oh but thank god Magic. No offense to Magic. He was like fifty. He wasn't fifty, but he was old as that. But he wasn't he was.

He was definitely older. I will say that Magic left a face of the NBA, and so in that way, if I'm a desperate marketing man, I may not have made the right choice. But I may think if we can't have Michael Magic is the next best in line, you can't put Isaiah Thomas's grumpy ass as the fair you know what I mean? Like, who else is the guy? Scottie Pippen, Jesus Christ. Look at him. He ain't he ain't doing well and he's he's he's long past his career.

I don't know, he's never been doing that well. Scotty was struggling from top to bottom. Charles is a sad man from Arkansas. Charles Barkley is gonna cuss and and gamble on TV. He wasn't, Yeah, none of the others weren't. But he's like more brazen about it. Yeah, he's he's unreasonable about it. I always like Charles Barkley because he looked like a basketball. It's like when you see a pigeon eating chicken and you're like, it looks like a basketball.

Good talk, this is your kid. Yeah. I just don't know that the league was necessarily flushed with a lot of other opportunities at the time for faces. No, I don't. I don't, And I'm sorry, Marcus, I'm sorry that we haven't reached out, you know, And what's this about you said you like tor slitch your wrist too, that she's clowning John. Come on, how fund up is you? Eminem used suspit. Man. I know, I know we're in an era. I know we're in an arrow where everybody is he wraps,

he wraps bad whatever. Now, But even then, he used to have it. Baby, come on, I did that white gang his flowers. I did think that something was deep when I was in the seventh grade, dog, I used to think Stan was like, man, he really did it. He really did bro, he really he cracked the code. Also, I am whatever you sure, which is no, you need a better sense of self, my friend. Yeah, And I'll

remember the video was him committing suicide. It was him jumping off of a building and then slamming into the ground and then getting up. I think like he couldn't die from his own suicide attempt in the video. That white guy had a lot of feelings, man, he was. He was feeling a lot of stuff back and a lot of feelings back there. And now he's pretty numb. And I think that we can tell the difference. Yeah, it's it's I haven't I haven't gone back to the well. No,

I can't go back, but but man did. I used to sit in the back of my dad's are and listened to him be mean to his ex wife for hours at a time, just a man threatening to abuse his family for for legit hours. Oh yeah. He was very complicated relationships with the women, really more so than I would say other rappers. Yeah, that's true, and they don't often. Although he took his fair share of flat slat what is flat he took? Yeah, he took his ship.

But I think it was more rooted in his homophobia than it ever was about like just deeply hating his women in general, but the women in his life specifically the women. Yeah, damn well, Marcus, this this jumped off the rails almost immediately. I I will say, unlike Borri, I won't. I'm not bought into the conspiracy the whole. But I will say that the part about bringing magic back during the the dip of the NBA makes much

more sense to me. That like that seems legitimate now, whether or not it's because he's split women in half is the part where I I start to question it a little bit, and it sounds like your uncle is a man who has a bunch of other theories that that may be. I bet, I bet we sent him down. He's got this isn't even the iceberg. Yeah, I don't think this is the one your uncle but even believes in the most. I think he's got some other ones that he's much more adamant about. I think so. But

I hope this answers your question. I think Magic Johnson probably was a a very valuable face for the NBA and worth bringing back funk Flex half of funk Flex. Drop on that, and that's called motherfucking. That's called motherfuck. That's what you get. And I think Magic Johnson had a perfectly healthy paint is at. I think he sucked a lot. I do think you sucked a lot. I think he sucked a lot. I think I think he

earned whatever whatever he ultimately got in his life. Well, I don't think that's the way to look at sexually. I think he get he got the trophy, you know, and I think he worked hard for it. All right, Well, this has been another mini episode of my Mama told me, boy, could you tell the people where they can find you what cool ship you have? Cool guy jokes seven on Instagraham come out and see me December thro at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in Las Vegas. Thank you guys

for coming out to shows too recently. It's been nice. I appreciate it when you come up and say hi, Hell yeah, And as always, you can follow me at Lanks and Kerman. I love for you to say hi digitally or catch me on the street. I'd be at rolphed sometimes. If you catch I'll say what's up? And uh. As always, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, your own drops. If you want to tell us who you think Magic Johnson fucked to death, please send their names to my Mama pod at gmail dot com.

We would love to hear from you. And that's about it. Bye, bitch. Motherfucking many years, so many episode, motherfucking mini years, so, motherfucking mini year, so many years, motherfucking miniyears, so