Lice Lice Baby (with Jamel Johnson)

there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we died deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy, they reason, and we finally worked to prove that when Tony Tony Tony says, Tony Tony, Tony has done it again, what they're talking about is another drone strike in the Middle East. That's right. These motherfucker's are evil. They've been doing it for years. They're they're bad people.

And we were singing along this entire time like that ship was cute, but it's not cute. They've murdered a lot of families. Shame on you, Raphael said, will never forgive you for how many people you've taken out of this world. Anyway, I'm your host, Lankstick Kerman coming in hot as always. That's that's sort of my thing. You guys are getting used to the way that I come in, and boy do I come in hot every single time. But you know who's also gonna come in hot. I

got a good feeling about this one, yo. I got a real good feeling my guest today. He's a motherfucker known for coming in hot as his as his whole vibe. He just comes in real cool and real hot at the exact same time. You guys know him from his super I I really enjoyed it, and I had the pleasure of being on his brand new podcast called NBA story Time. He has another podcast called Airbuds. He's known

in the industry as Mr Sporty Spice. That was something he specifically told me to tell you all, and God damn it, do I believe it. He's hilarious. You're gonna love him. Please give it up for Jamal Johnson, just growing on. Whoa Lankston, thanks for having me. Sporty Spice is correct. You tell U t A, you tell everybody it's uh c a A tell all the niggas the Spices back the scary hours and and I got. And let me tell you another thing, Raphael Sadik. We we

ain't even get into the Lucy Pearl files. We ain't even get into what Lucy Pearl did to the children. Oh ship, I know what the Oaktown stroke is. Uh, I know what it is now. Yeah, we were sitting back thinking that was a sexual move. It was not funck No, it's a move to the fucking button. Yeah, knock knocking some heads off. You just got a nuclear button hitting in one of his guitar strings. That man is a bad person. I'm sure now that whole ship

is diabolical. Also, if you hear me cough, I just smoked a bunch of weeds before this, so well you know I'm using them. The organic papers don't agree with my my lungs. Oh so you're you're more of a just the poison paper. It's kind of man. Just yeah, bleach, yeah yeah, put the bleach, put the coat in, the bleach on it, Put the best sides on it, put the round up on it. Around weird asbestos that they had to put on it just to make it smell

a certain way. I got you dust light put that on there and put a little you know, the touch of embalment fluid. Let's get what Let's just a little smack, just a schmig shrink, like like if Emerald Agassi did it, he wouldn't Yale Bam. It was not even enough for half of BAM's worth. No, no, it's a week day. We're not gonna get that. We're not about to get that. Lyddy,

I love that. Okay, let's jump into this because you came with a conspiracy theory that I had long and I guess to some extent still long believe it's a it's sort of a big one in the the black conspiracy theory, youth. You know what I mean. You said, my mama told me black people can't get lice because we use hair grease. Yeah, the lights can't survive when your hair is that good looking. So wait, let's pause for a second because you're framing. When you said hair grease.

I presumed that you were going to suggest that these lights were slipping off, but you're instead of suggesting that you look too damn good and the lights are like, I can't do this to the man. Come on, man, it's just about to be all on him. I gotta I can't do this to him, this many house. No, I gotta go through them. I gotta my bad. I'm not trying to nothing like that. I apologize honestly. Yeah, my joke, I don't even got the right shoes on my back, my faults. I mean that's what I thought.

Like what I actually think is, Yeah, it's some sort of like the lights are like they just get it as soon as it hits them, soon as the pink lotion gets the skin. It's like immediate disintegration. Oh so this is like an acidic thing where it's like there their armored bodies, there their one weakness. It's sort of like in Signs when those aliens that we're creeping around you find out that a glass of water is their

one weakness. Yeah, I got actually all that olive oil to can't to any any cant To product, just sending them straight to Avengers and no, oh no it's over. That's our one weakness. Was that. Okay, let's start from the beginning, because I have to assume that this is a conspiracy theory that you have long believed, that this is something you grew up with. Tell me about that.

Uh yeah, I want to say you know, my mom just comes from my mom getting me ready for school, you know, from day one, and somewhere around first or second grade, she's putting some pink glocition in my shop. Is like, yeah you need this. We can't, we don't get like and this is why. And from that moment I was like, Oh, it's like it's like a protective coating from whiteness. You know what I'm saying, Like a little shield, little glaze when I go out in the streets.

I got you a little saran wrapt with saran wrap to help protect you from whatever might come your way. Yeah, Life Storers, General white thoughts. Does anything that might penetrate Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, could be guest to be a man's opinion on broccoli in the way that it's meant to be cooked. Yeah, exactly, I'm saying mentioning asparacus or like the concept of brunch. Okay, so you're saying, all right, this this pink lotion or these hair products or the thing that that protects me.

I guess the question that immediately comes to mind because I had long presumed that black people just couldn't get it get lights period, Like lights didn't familiar hair are you saying that your mom, as she presented it to you, was without the pink ocean, you are in fact vulnerable to the possibility of life. It was a little bit of both. It was kind of like, we can't but like, listen, you don't want to tempt faith, right, double down? I

got you. You were vaccinated, but you still want your mask? Yeah, exactly, keep your mask on. Yeah, you keep your mask on. Yeah, throw some blue magic in there. Here's the mask inside of your mask. But no way that COVID getting through. Oh man, I can't believe. I haven't seen that on subway creatures yet. Dude putting wave grease, putting Paul made inside of his mask, just come out with a beard with waves and no disease. That's not what I'm saying.

If you put Paul made, you can use the same mask for seven days, if you breathed inside that for detective layers, gonna keep you safe. Okay, So so your mom is telling you this is like an additional level of protection you are going to school. Are you then telling other people like, hey, y'all, f y I we can't get lights. I hope you put your pink lotion on the day because then we we especially can't or you like, now this is our little secret. I ain't

really gonna put people on. Yeah. I kind of kept it, kept it to myself and just kept an eye on who got lights. You know what. I'm like, I'm just watching the boards every day. I'm checking in with the nurse every now and again, like, anybody come through here, what's up? What's what's what's up with you lately? And it's de niece. We gotta need we got Yeah, yeah, what's what's what do you do before lunch today? Did

you know anybody growing up that that got lights? Honestly? No. And I went to a pretty black elementary school, so oh black, okay, so you are very black people were your peers. Yeah, it was like it would be like two or three white kids in my elementary school class, damn, and none of them got lights. Yeah. No, I think

they got the hurt immunity. Sure, I think if if I'm understanding her immunity correctly, at least in the original version of what hurt any immunity was meant to be, if you can get seventy people to essentially make themselves like immune to this thing via quarantine, exposure and or or vaccination, then everybody becomes safe because it's harder for

the thing to to transfer. I have to assume lights is similar that if you're in a school primarily filled with black people, then they're essentially being made safe by the fact that there's nobody to help transfer this thing to them in the other direction. Bro, it must be because I definitely, like I said, from the moment I heard it, I'm looking around at everybody. Y, I need to know whose guy? What? What is this ship? Right? And it never came up. I think there was you

know what. Okay, So I did. I went to a wider elementary school when I first heard this, and there might have been I don't know if that kid got it. There was just one weird kid. Yeah. I was like, oh, he definitely got it, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but it was kind of just him. And then I went to black or elementary school in my neighborhood. It

was like a reverse. I did both reverses. So at first my I was getting bussed to a whider school, you know, I was like one of these fucking dumbass, smart kid elementary schools, some magnet where they Yeah, We're gonna take him out of his neighborhood and show him the real worlds like, fuck you, I don't know. Yeah, then I was like what for? Then I did the reverse. The school in my neighborhood was also was another Magnet school, but they was busting the white kids in m hmm,

I got you. So in this scenario, it was in your neighborhood and white people had to come visit for part of their day too, I guess get a better education. I don't know how that works. Yeah, I mean, hey, they learned how to uh you know, duck school security and go across the street to the corner store if nothing else. Yeah, that's a that's a fair time. I'm not mad at that. That's pretty true. That's how you

learn life skills in a different direction, for sure. Man, you gotta know how to, you know, move in a room full of voters. So nobody you knew growing up except from one weird kid and up with ever one weird white kid who was white. Nobody else. Life has never been a thing in my life, and was I only know a couple like two niggers who got bad bugs. Yeah, so we it was in a strange way, we've actually

done an episode about bed bugs. Clark Jones came with a conspiracy theory that he thinks that mattress companies actually are developing and increasing the the amount of bed bugs basically so that they can keep selling more magic sense. It does make a lot of sense. And I'm not high, and I still was like, all right, I'm listening, you know what I mean? Like for sure, it's sort of

it all clicks together. That said, it is interesting that that same theory about like the hair grease and the oils that we use for our skin does not apply to other insects, right, Like we black people are not above and infestation of certain kinds. We're just saying it sounds like the the main theory is that the infestation doesn't really happen to your your person as much as it might happen to your items. Yeah, how come we have a you know, how to stop roaches yet? Huh.

That's a great question. But it definitely is a legitimate question to be asking because it seems like with all of the the technological advances that have happened in the world, a lot of these infestations should have been ended a long time ago. Yeah, I let off a MP in my apartment. Hell yeah, whatever, Come on, yo, get these ships about it, Like what the funk? Yeah, let's let's electricute these roaches like sonically or whatever it is that I don't know. Guyle, Guyle comes to your it's a

sonic boom. You have to hold back for two seconds and then forward punch. Yeah, guy comes to your crib. He does that sonic boom and then you know, no more roaches. Yeah. Second conspiracy theory, Guyle from Street Fighter is Puerto Rican. Oh wait a minute, hold on, wait a goddamn minute. What come on? Why does his hair stick up? How does his hair stay up like that? He might be Dominican. He is not a white guy.

That's not a regular white dude. That flag is red, white, and blue in a different format to start the stars and bars is not in the right place. God damn. Hey, if that's I'll say this, If that's true, that's how they get you. That's how they get you, because this is He has long been positioned as sort of an American hero, a traditional American hero, a white guy, blonde hair,

blue eyes. He's fighting for for your rights, citizen, like they used to you click on that American flag for the location, and it it just felt like a goddamn American time. And it turns out he's just a brave Puerto Rican fighting for our rights more than for our rights, because you don't got ship better to do. Dog now because he fucking because they fired him from the fucking saying gruders or whatever. You know, I'm saying some grocery stories as system man, and now you just just just

just trying to make the ends meet. I will say, if if he's Dominican, that does explain why he was always wearing that fifty cent tank top back and uh, and that's what I'm saying, bro, Come on, man, you don't know no white dudes who dressed like that period the movie tank top and some big old some big old cargoes son in the boots. Come on, sign white dudes don't know how they You know, he was cuffing his jeans, his cargo. You know what I'm saying, camouflage

pants in his jeans in dogs. Yeah, no, he put them inside. And that is a very either look either he is Dominican and or Puerto Rican, or or he's just from New York and grew up in one of those neighborhoods where like this just became the swag. But either way, they're not telling that side of his story. Yeah, they didn't mention. They didn't mention he won two handball tournaments. And either way, his bodega man is calling him poppy. And it doesn't matter if it's legitimate poppy or an

earned poppy. He is poppy. He is poppy, and that is that is something that they leave out of the instructions when you open them. You look at the manual at a game. Yeah, and then when they made the fucking movie they made, uh, Jean Claude van Dame, that Nick is from Brussels. He's from Brussels and not a martial artist. Did you know that? Completely uh faking martial arts.

He he was a dancer. Jean Claude van Dam was a dancer who basically learned how to do high kicks and then uh tricked a bunch of people into believing he was a martial artist. And then later I think he kind of like sort of like backwards studied the ship. Well, I respect the jug in any capacity. I'm I'm currently trying to trick people into thinking I'm a w n B a analyst. So God bless you, John. You know I've learned from the greats analysts. Hey, man, I watched

some games and I have opinions. Here we go, Yeah, exactly, I watched. I've watched more than six games in one season. You're saying, I know who of the coaches in the league's you know the whole name. Yeah, now you gonna have me listen. As far as I'm getting learned, that's an analyst. You've pretty much earned the title in my book. I don't know if that works for ESPN, but it definitely works for my Mama told me the body. Yeah, I'm never moving to Connecticut, but funk yeah, funk with me. Dog,

the shock is asleep. Yeah, in the back of these fucking TNT buildings in between inside the NBA breaks naps. Dog, I'm fully awake for these w NBA games. Come on that fucking bought CBS, Sports, Sports Net or whatever. I'm not even using my passwords no more. Totally get off my passwords. Yeah, they should let you be an analyst just for that you spend money on on their products. Also, the price of w NBA League past absurdly cheap. It's like thirteen bucks for the year. Oh wow, that's hard.

It's bucks for the year. That's and that's disheartening as fun. You want to believe that they would at least charge you know, a respectable number for for their league pass. But no, thirteen dollars sounds like they don't give a third team thirteen It gets you the whole league. And it's also the only way you can watch the Indiana Fever. The Indiana Fever only exists online. It's like a virtual brand.

It's like, you know what I'm saying. Let me ask you this, Are you hugely invested in the Indiana Fever? I mean not yet. I'm trying to speak with the owners group. Uh. They they haven't returned any of my calls or emails. More text like text in a landline and that just keeps getting thrown back to my phone to figure out the right number. I'm yeah, you're gonna be an Indiana Fever. Man. I got a fever right now, Okay, I want to get back to this life. I can't

say that I got a fever right now. I want to get back to this life because I am curious if you you feel like there's any correlation. And I know we've been talking a little bit about the COVID of it all, but there's any correlation to the way that black people treated COVID in the beginning, much in the way that we're talking about life now, you know

what I mean. Like, there was those that first like three months of COVID where he had not quite made it to the United States, or even when it had, it was mostly in like white nursing homes and like Washington, and so we started to spread that theory that black people couldn't get it. And I wonder if you see any correlation there, I'm gonna say yes, because I definitely was like feeling pretty black right now, I'm feeling good. What I'm saying, I was just like I was just

taking my own internal stock. I'm like, all right, as long as I listen to optimistic, as long as I watched the learning montage and House Party two once or twice a week, I should be straight. Yeah. I I do remember like that first month and a half walking down the street and be like, hey, brother, say Jack, feeling good today? Alright? Man? You know you know me, man, you know I'm just staying up, staying staying it's just

as live as possible, play Boy. We there was just like a warmth in the air around Black people were like, Hey, you know, we're good though they whatever they're about to go through, we're straight. Yeah. And that's and that is because of the blue ship that they put the combs and clippers in at the barbershop. That blue ship just merely being in our present was enough to to give us the confidence you're saying, to presume that life was not and or COVID. What I'm saying that is that's

the barber salt, the barber side ship. That's a COVID thing. And you see and then you see how things switched once they finally started closing the salons and barbershopsberside. Wait, goddamn many now you're gonna have to barticke. This is You're on something hot right now. I feel like this is a talk that talk kind of vibe. You just hid something I've never heard before, and I'm excited to hear it play out. I'm gonna give you thirty seconds.

I'm gonna play some music underneath you. Jamal talk that talk. Come on, man, you've been in the barbershop, you've been in the hair salon that blue tub of ship in the warner that they put autumn cones and all the ship and they take the guards off, the clippers. They all put it in there, and guess what. Everybody leaves and their ship is clean. Dirty niggas come in and get fucking faiths every other day at the barber shop, and niggas be leaving clean. Dog that barber ship. It's

like good, nigga. It's like a bluetoo. It's like a router. It's connected to us and our mental in our our our physical and our spirits. You feel me, so once we're around it, the ship be having a straight bro It's like when you and fucking uh. It's like it's like when you hit home base. You know what I'm saying. It's like you can hit the refresh button. Once you get it, you're with it. When they took it from us, you see how things trying. God damn God, ship, that's cool,

motherfucking bocks Nick, you don't know nothing about that. God Damn. I had never drop a bomb, flex, I had never considered even for a second the possibility that them taking our barbershops away from us, and the the blue serums that live in those barbershops, potentially being the cause of this increased outbreak that followed. It releases a slow invincibility essence to anyone. If you step in the building, you're good.

It's like those uh for breeze plug ins. It's sort of like exactly, it lives in the air for for everybody nearby. And you're saying, if you take away these plug ins, these these not plugged in plug ins, suddenly a bunch of us are susceptible in a way that we weren't previously. Come on, man, you never seen nobody refill it. H You've never seen it move. You've actually never seen anybody put anything in it. Now, I've never

seen anyone refill it. And I've also never seen any of that liquid get any lower, do you know what I mean? Like, presumably stuff evaporates eventually, there's gotta be a water component to it, which means the water will eventually like sort of like dry off and you know, become a part of the egg. Yeah, that ship is from the river sticks niked of this earth dog. That's why only authorized places get it. WHOA, and this this

protects us from COVID This protects us from life. This essentially is like a life water, if you will, that we have access to, and that the government is intentionally trying to keep us away from because they don't even know where we got it from, so all they can

do is close the barbershop. It protects us from all that, but it protects us from buying time shares, all that bullshit, just like a mental lubrication as well as a physical uh, sort of like saran rat protector exactly exactly, Damn the semmit. It seems all the way down. Godly, this is heavy ship. I just my own head up with that one. What's wild is I don't even know what the blue stuff is. It's not like you go to a store and you walk down the aisle, even the ethnic care care section.

It's not like you go, oh, blue stuff. Oh, that's the blue stuff for the barbershat. It's not in any Sally's beauty supply anywhere. It's not in China. No, it's not Broa. This is heavy ship. I we have a lot to think about. We Jamal's dropping bombs out of nowhere about Barberside that none of us had considered. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna be back with more Jamal Johnson and more. My mama told me, and we all are back. Why are you good? Who says I'm gay? Yeah? Yeah,

we're back here with more Jamal Johnson more. My mama told me. We're still talking about life and the possibility that black people can't get it because of our hair products, and the possibility that black people can't get it because of the barber side that lives in our barbershops and protects us always despite us not even knowing it. Here's what I want to do. I want to jump into some of the research that we have there. I did a little bit of research on the subject of hair lice.

You got. I did go to lis aunties dot com. I was a little thrown by the name. If I'm being completely honest it it was troubling to think that there are aunties out there focused entirely on lice. I know they should probably there's other things, Yeah, aunties like maybe be fun aunts who don't come with bad news every fucking time I talk to you. You know, somebody got down the block. Right, let's go poling what's doing well?

If you're familiar with life, scientis and I have to imagine you've you've looked up a little bit of information for yourself. It turns out that black people can, in fact get headlights. This isn't some impossible thing for us, although they do say these lights aunties do tell us that it is a lot more difficult for black people to get headlights than it is for our white counterparts. It's hard. It's hard news to sort of take in.

It's hard news to process. Are you are you still in disbelief or you like no, I I still want to hear more to know whether or not this is in fact true. I want to hear more, but I'd like to see the car facts. Obviously, show me, show me who, then give me that book, give me the whole breakdown of the whole thing. Okay, So here's what

I'll tell you. There was a nineteen five study that shows that while about ten percent of Caucasian children got lice, only about point zero three percent of Black children ended up getting lice. So, yeah, man, and one of them kids was sucking Steve Martin and the jerk and I don't count sure, and that it does. It's an interesting it's such a low percentage that it almost feels like you're basically saying almost no one, you know what I mean, Like your point zero three percent that few people are

actually getting lice. Yeah, you might as well just be like zero motherfucker's it's just one weird kid who kind of has different hair or didn't put on any hair grease for the entirety of his life. Yeah, the one kid who came out with a blond wig. Like Lord kim m hm hm, come on, shign that only happened once. Sure, that's like that. That's like when you see the cheeto that look like Jesus. Man, it only happens once. Man, it's a real it's a freak situation. This isn't a

real there's no real Jesus. Gee. Though, I'm imagining one black kid in a classroom of thirty and he's the only black kid, and it's thirty is twenty nine white kids and eighteen these little fuckers got it and they're like, hey, you want to play kickball with us? And he's like, no, get the funk away from me, and then just got it just off proximity you are. I think I think there is a really interesting factor here too of thinking about the types of kids that probably end up getting lice.

And I don't know how growing up, at least for me, I'm I'm a little more of a suburban kid. And there were those kids who didn't like being black, Like they worked really hard to like impress the white kids and be a part of the white groups and truly did everything they could to not like intermixed with their black peers. It's like, yeah, that's probably the motherfucker that guy lice that makes Yeah, come on, dude, you want to be the sc A president. Yeah, you deserve life.

You're come on, man, you've been a little you men. You know what you're doing? Yeah? Man, what are you getting taco lunchables? You know what you're doing. You a Civics class writing about affirmative action. Yeah, yo, and not in a good way, not enough of affirmative action. Yeah. You came to the you came to the Halloween so cop dressed like Clarence Thomas. Hey wait right, Clarence. And

that's a great example. Clarence Thomas is probably the type of motherfucker that represents that point zero three percent man. Finding out about Clarence Thomas was definitely a wild one in in what sense, just like just that he sucked saying and he was down for the fall and all that like that, because all I knew when I was little, I was like, oh, ship, we got a black judge. Oh I was you know what I'm saying, I didn't know that was your first learning of Clarence Thomas was

him as a judge. Well, I guess, I guess just seeing him when he got confirmed Supreme Court. Wow, you know what I'm saying, I'm like, my first and maybe this is just the very telling story about who my family was. My first knowledge of Clarence Thomas came from him putting that pubic hair on the coke can. Yeah, what the that? Yeah, my boy's freaky man, he's into some wild ship and that's, you know, O strange and like I didn't know. I didn't know what then, none

of it was. I'm just like, oh, we got one black dude in the road. That's lit. And then I happened to me to his kid played against my little brother. My little brother used to play hey are you Back in the day, my dad was coaching shout out to the Metro Thunder. I don't know if they exist anymore, but we're at the it's Metro Thunder. They're playing the

Fairfax Stars. Clarence Thomas's kid is in the game, and I'm like, oh ships that that's homes from the Road And I was just like, bro, and then you know, I like I tapped him up. He's also buffer ship his son. This time, Clarence Thomas is under that road. Oh that road. Just nick his buff bro fucking way his Clarence Thomas buff under that road. Well probably not now, but this was because this was like a smooth fifteen years ago, but yeah at the time, yeah, holy sh it,

buff bag. Well this is new for me. I had no idea that Clarence Thomas was in there doing you know what I mean, Like, you don't think that. I guess I never associate any judge would be in sexy flexi, but definitely not the most cooney judge of all time. Yeah, you know, especially but you know, hey, I guess he you know, that's this insurance plan for you know, when the coonery backfires. Yeah, he's like, hey, call me, going

to my face, I'll beat your ass. Y'all think it's talking real hot on the internet, but I'll fuck you up. Clarence simas ripping off his robe and having abs and fucking like biceps under there. Man, he sunk my head up. I come to school. I tell the fucking you know, the history teacher, government teacher. I'm like, you're not seeing what's his face? Clarence sims, just like you mean, it's sucking. The most whackis nigger on the planet. And I'm like,

what are you talking about? And he's like, yeah, I'll check this out. And I was like, oh, ship pupe and the coke can uh anti infirmative action? Well he said what yeah, And I was just like, damn, Clarence, my boy don't even like having brown poops. He hates

in every shaping form. It's not great. Let's ears, Let's learn a little bit more about these lights though, because I was curious specifically about your question, your element uh that you added to this about the hair grease, because, as I mentioned before, my biggest question, or at least my my belief as it started, was that black people just couldn't get light, that that just wasn't possible for us.

And as it turns out, the lights because of the shape and texture of black people's hair on average, obviously black hair is very different and and spans you know, all kinds of diaspora. Right there, there's a ship ton of different kinds of black hair. But black people's hair and texture in general tends to make it harder for the licensed grasping hooks to make their way around the

hair shaft. And because lice basically crawl up and down the shaft as their mode of transportation and then stick their eggs they literally like glue their eggs to the side of the hair follicles, they have more trouble holding onto our ship and thus aren't able to lay their eggs, make their families and procreate in our fucking scalps. Hell yeah, yeah,

I'm talking about Man, it's pretty tight. It's an encouraging thing. Now. Unfortunately, I'm mixed with the white devil, and so I presume that based on this information, I am at least slightly, if not substantially, more susceptible to the possibility of lights. Then maybe you are on the other side of this. You should lay down crazy when it grow. Do you look like Matt Barnes. I do have curly ass hair, but it's it's less like Matt Barnes and more like

Corbin Blue. Do you know what I mean? Like it gets into yeah, yeah, no, it's like what was his name? The motherfucker from from American Idol that Kelly and uh from Justin Guarine, Justin Guarini. I get some Justin Guarini going it's it's a little thicker than that, but you know it's just it's a it's a curl thing more than it is, like a tight coil, if that be. I will say that. And I just found this out Justin Guarini. He's currently working right now. A little sweet

dr pepper pepper motherfucker. That's Justin Guarini this whole game. What congratulations to you, Justin. That's a great bag because they brought him back like three times. Yeah, he's taking Yeah, they were like, Prince won't do it. Fine, we'll dress up American Idols number two Justin Guaria, no problem. We'll take one of Pinky's old wigs, throw a headband on that. So he's doing fine. I think I think he's doing

He's doing better than I thought he would be. He's doing better than Ruben Studdard and Clay A man feel bad for because Ruben one one dude, he got me you Gotta clean one. Yeah, he won one, but then he had to make music afterwards, and that wasn't really his thing. As it turns out, it's true follow U, but sorry for two thousand four pretty good song. I personally it was a rough school year for me. A few fat niggas in school. I was sorry for two

thou a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, So that that's all get home in a way that you're like, I'm rooting for you. Yeah, I'm saying I was working with it, but it was like, damn you, damn. Here's some more information that I think is somewhat helpful for some of these conversations we're having. As it turns out, and this is contrary to your theory, this same study that I'm talking about does say that cultural use of oils and and greases and whatever else we put in our hair

does not actually stop the lights from spreading. It's not like the lights are just slipping off of our greasy ass heads. And it's part of the reason we use oils and we use grease and our hair. And this is more of me speaking to some of our white listeners, is because black hair, because of its tight coiling tends to not hold the oil the same way that white

people's hair does. Right, So like white people's hair gets matted down in oil, which is why you motherfucker's need to wash your hair way more often, Black people's hair doesn't hold it the same So you add oil basically because that oil tends to dry out faster in black hair. Because that makes I don't know why I'm saying it to you, as if you don't, I mean, but true. And when you and if you got like a new short set, m hm, you know what I'm saying it.

Just like if you get a little gleam yep off the top, just like this ship, you feel like I feel like a new Lexus or something like I just came out there the body shop. Yeah. I remember watching that Uh I Need a Girl Part two video and Loon with like when he would dance around and he had that That was back when they were doing them perm ships and the weird like they were smoothing their

hair down a lot. But man, when his hair would shine as he danced next to Ditty, I was like, God, damn you hear that's the one dog Nik has been doing the same ship today since the twenties, bro that twenty ship is crazy. The ship like the silk head wrap area a fucking conk, dude. Yeah, do you remember the Waynes Brothers that like they had that like shifty character. He had a kunk for like he had a conk for like four seasons. Yeah. Now now he's on the

Disney Channel. Yo, he was. He was on Zack and Cody after he did the Waynes Brothers. It's truly turn Okay, I want to I want to bring up a few more elements to this conversation that I think are going to be useful to us. The c d C actually did a breakdown because one of the things that I wanted to know is, like, why is it that even if white people can get lights, white sort of spreads so often in their community. And the CDC did a breakdown of uncommon transferences of the dirty is ship. While

that's listen, that's not completely off base. One of the things that they said was that lice can be transferred through wearing clothing of someone who's been infested, hats, scarves, cloats, sports uniforms, hair ribbons. It also can come from using infested combs, brushes, or towels and lying on bed couch, pillow carpet, or using I guess sharing stuffed animals of

people who are recently infested. And one of the things that really stood out to me in this is the sharing of combs and brushes, which is something and even hit hats and scarves is not something that I think is super common for black people. Yeah, not really, kind of always had my own. I've never been like, yo,

let me see your brush. Yeah. It I remember as a young person feeling very I have mine, you have yours kind of vibes, and I feel like that was something my mom had taught me right from the beginning, that like, yo, you don't go sharing everybody's like comb and brush or whatever it is. You need to get your hair to lay down. Yeah, hell no, dude, No you can't see my pick. Yeah, it's a weird thing. It's like, it's no, I'm gonna keep this in my head and then you can keep yours in your head

and then we all have separate heads. Yeah, super personal, dudes. For sucking head man, it's like a toothbrush, huh yeah, and a lot of what yeah, you and you could see it. You somebody takes their pick out and it does it has like little bedbs on it, and and yeah,

I'm like, I don't if I see your yeah, don't know. Yeah, that's it's a very I think, a white thing to share a comb and even I remember as a young person going to like stores, department stores and ship and you not wanting to try on the hats because that felt like some sort of invasion of like privacy with another person or sort of a breaking of a social norm or rule. Whereas you know, if you watch fucking Clueless, they put on every hat that, uh, that they could

find and just pass them to each other. Do I look cute? Yeah? I look cute. You look cute too, work cute? Just a very different, I think, cultural norm. And so subsequently, it at least implies the possibility that in sharing these hats and combs and scarves, I guess you can find yourself suddenly sharing the bugs that infests them. Motherfuckers sharing broccoli, cheese, soup and the bread bowl. Huh. Nasty,

You're nasty. You're nasty, And that's really what Jamal wants you to walk away hearing today's you motherfucker's are nasty and that's the reason you got likes. Yeah, low key nasty, dude. We are in our d n a not nasty m hum generations from the jump, Yeah, from the foundation, never been nasty. Yeah. I do think to some extent that, and I theorized about this a few times before. I do think that there are just very different standards for

the way that black and white people approach cleanliness. I think white people spend a lot of time thinking about cleanliness of the larger environment, right like the earth. That's where all these no littering campaigns come from. And sort of like this idea of like mowing your lawns and sort of creating these pristine public spaces is very much I think a white standard of living, whereas I think Black people put a little more priority in the cleanliness

of their home in person. So it's like, yeah, it's like, no, I'm I don't give a funk if I litter out in the world, which is not a good thing. That's not something I'm saying is right, but it is like, but I'm never gonna do that in my own fucking dwelling place where I sleep and ship. Yeah, and we know niggas could be dirty I've seen an Instagram comedy sketch.

I know what it's like when you go to the girl's crib in places dirty, You know what that feel like they have then they put the roaches on us. There's mad because we can't get life and important roaches in our crib, and so there's a lot of that ship. You can't even know what I'm saying. And that's the hard part, right, is that, like with all infestations, it only takes one nasty motherfucker to turn it's into everybody's problem.

Whereas I think that if you create cultural norms that allow this thing to happen, you can find yourself where ten percent of your population is sort of like dealing with this infestation because you just you know, you're all sharing combs and fucking scarves. I never once left our friend wear my due rag, not once in my life. Never came up, Never will nobody ever. Yeah, it just doesn't come up. Dude, Hey nice dewey. I need a new one. I'll go get one on my own. What

is that one of the bows? Okay, all right, I'm yeah, yeah, next time I go see and then I'm gonna go get me a free pack of those not yours, not yours, that's not for me. One of the things that I wanted to make sure that I at least looked into. And now I'll present this to you and then we'll take one more break. One of the things I was a little worried about was, does this then imply this whole black people not being able to get lights that we also can't get craps? Are black people somehow immune

to pubic lights? And as it turns out, those are not the same at all. I think got the hooks in a different place. They got a real different internet with their hoods. The motherfucker's know how to climb in any environment, you know what I mean. They're not worried at all about the texture of your hair. Yeah, they popped the trunk on us. Immediately, it's like, oh, y'all, okay, you're doing that? Oh all right, yeah, yeah, I got just I got what's up? Yep, Black people, you're not immune.

You you are pretty invincible to regular lives, but boy, oh boy, are you not immune to pubic lives. Crabs is a real problem that you can suffer from. Listen, man, there's some things barbarcide just can't deal with ye. And in fact, I have to presume that the chemical melding of barbarcide and and fuck nigga conversation actually makes crabs a lot more available and worse for Once you say you don't need pussy, yep, it's like an eight percent

chance your chances raised daily. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of problematic opinions that come from motherfucker's with crabs and the barbershops. So you know, that makes a ton of sense.

Whoever the first dude to say they're excited for Cosby to go back on tour, Yeah, and then you got crabs, And that really should be how we treat those people, is we just we start just pointing out, now we stopped spending all this time trying to correct their behavior and tell them like, shame on you, you shouldn't feel that way. It's just like, oh, yeah, yeah, you got crabs. Go ahead, Yeah we have you down with crabs. Yeah, I have you marked. Okay, you're good over there. Yeah no,

I'm I don't need anything from the store. Man, Hey, pick yourself up some crabs medication. How about that? Do that get some way of grease for your pubes? Please? All right, we're gonna take one more break. We'll be back with more Jamal Johnson and more. My mama told me, and we are back. That's the song I want to. That's yeahn that we're that. For a second I thought

it was something else, but it ain't. I thought for sure I had a drop that was set up in a different way, but it was just the actual fucking song that uh, that was coming for us. Hey, sometimes, you know, with all these drops, I try to play something that's gonna be like a surprising turn on some of these things. But sometimes it's just the fucking It's exactly what you want you asked for. What what is it that you know? Every rap song with real sirens

in it scares me. I'm smoking weed in my car. Yeah, and then Fireman starts, Oh boy, I'm like, oh these things behind me, No they're not. It's just a little waynetagonizing poor people again with this. Yeah, the sirens, niggas all like to ride around in Crown Vix looks just like a cop car. I don't even like when Bobby Valentino used to go we we we we, because Nope,

it sounds like the police to me. You got me Bobby, Yo, Hell yeah, I remember Bobby came to Norfolk State home coming wheen year, my friend with the Norfolk State we were just like, god, this is the tiniest thing in hell yeah, let's Nike a little bit little ship. Oh my god. I love Bobby Valentino mostly in in that exact way that just it's just a cutie pie trying

his best, do you know what I mean? Come on, man, a little guy in a full denim suit just just wanting to be a part of something real bad with the wet dry curl. The curl very popular in an arrow before Bobby Valentino came around, and then some the s curl box the man off the box. Yeah, and he was the size of the man on the box. Yeah, just scale. Okay, we're gonna play a game. This is a brand new game, a game that I created just for you. It's a brand new game called keeping your

third Eye on the Ball. You're trying to say, Jesus Christ, can't hit a curveball, keep your third eye on the ball. And this this is a fun game where I am going to ready. Okay, yeah, I see you. You're looking. You're looking very baseballed out. I don't know if that's the thing that people say it probably is. It might be,

it might be we're gonna start a ear. But what I'm gonna do is introduced to you a number of professional athletes, famous athletes who have come out in some way, shape or form as conspirator see theorists, and what I would love for you to do, it's just unpack where you think these conspiracies come from, how much you believe them, if you think that this is grounded in some kind of logical sense, or if they're just talking fucking crazy. Does that make sense? Sounds good? I think I got

it cool. So let's start easy. This is a fun one, a nice easy one to maybe the most famous conspiracy theory that came out of an athlete. Kyrie Irving famously came out as a flat earther a few years back. What do you think about Kyrie Irving and his flat earth theory? I mean, just because you're good at dribbling

doesn't mean everywhere is flat. And the more I knew, like I knew he was sucking around, because that's just the the this the next generation of NBA guys is all about, like what he is normal, what is the truth for real? But what if I what if it was? Yeah, I will say that that I had a very in a very weird way. I actually was front row to his announcement of flat Earth that like, I ended up being at the All Star Game that year that he did that. Yeah, I was like doing some you know,

shoot whatever. And they asked Kyrie. I guess he had already made the statement, but they asked Kyrie in person like, yo, do you really think the Earth was flat? And he was like yeah, and but like in a very like I'm fucking with you. Then they asked Lebron James, who was literally at the podium next them, because that's how they set up all the All Star ship. It's just people like sitting next to each other with separate reporters, and they go, Lebron, did you hear that Kyrie thought

thinks the Earth is flat? And then Lebron turned storm and he goes, yo, read do you think the Earth is flat? And he was like yeah, but like they're both giggling and they're having a good time. It was a fun All Star weekend, and then you can tell the motherfucker doesn't actually think it's flat. As much as he's just like playing the game. Yeah, I wanted to funk with the press, yeah, but but had no idea, like the strength of his words just Twitter is so insane.

Now he's just like, you know, I'm gonna say something jokingly and the press is definitely gonna eat it up like it's a scoop and they're because they're crazy. But then it turned into like now' there's like a whole I think there's people who still think the Earth is flat. Now, yes, there's quite it's the whole community of people that think that the Earth is flat, and some of them are there because their favorite ball handler said it, like, if

the Earth's flat, why does the sun move around? Bitch? I mean, I've heard many arguments for for what that is. I think the some people believe that they're the sun is moving around the flat surface much like ah, like essentially that we are sort of the opposite of that tray in the microwave. Do you know what I mean? That it would be like the microwave is moving around us and we're the tray in the middle. What the fuck? Hey man, I didn't say I liked it. I'm just

saying that's that's the argument I've heard. So did you just think the earth is thin? That's a good question. I don't know if they think it's thin crust their deep dish, but I do know that they think it's flat at the top, so I don't Yeah, I gotta look into that one. Crust earth style. Okay, let's dig into another one. This this one's way less fun than that first one. Kurt Schilling, we're talking baseball. He's a baseball guy. I believe Kurt Schilling actually, uh came out

and called some of those Parkling kids crisis actors. He believed that some of the people who were a part of one of the most terrifying school shootings in American history were faking it. What do you think about old Kurt Schilling and his his argument that they're crisis actors. Well, I just I just checked up on him. He's from Alaska, so you know, he's just a white guy who loves guns.

He just thinks guns can't be wrong. My daddy like us, my brother like guns, my mama likes can't do nothing wrong. They never heard nobody. Now these kids want to come around act like I done. Got ahold of him? Somehow, yeah, right, like the gun blocked the doorway and pulled this gun penis out and made me No. Guns don't do that. No, yeah, how could a gun shoot another gun? Guns don't have fingers like up she pull Guns don't have fingers. I love that. Okay, let's do another one. This is a

this is a fun one. Rhonda Rousey did a podcast a few years ago where she argued that nine eleven was an inside job. She was asked if she believed it was an inside job, and Rhonda Rousey said yes, she emphatically believes that nine eleven was an inside job. What are your thoughts on Randa Rousey's inside job theory? Well, I just want to know who she thinks was inside. Okay, Yeah, I think it was an inside job, but I just don't know who was in the motherfucking house at the

time when it was inside. Okay, So you're with Randa on this one. You're like a little bit, I mean to say inside Like, you know, I think some niggas went rogue and did and did their thing with that. But you know, the setup is totally on us. Everybody know that we're fucking we're throwing these niggas guns and tanks and ship and just like, okay, bootleg any vhs you want, and don't and don't hit our line, don't hit me, don't hit me, don't make our contact with me.

Just take all these, Take all these bootleg copies of Dunster checked in, flip those. You know what I'm saying, We'll get I don't know if you've seen Wire season two, but it's gonna be about the docks, so you could keep moving, you could keep moving the boy. Everybody's gonna be round out. A lot of people don't love that season, but it's actually still a solid season. You should check

it out. It's great. I do think there's a level of legitimacy to what you're saying, and that we did foster a lot of relationships with the people that ultimately did the thing right, Like this wasn't like out of nowhere, a bunch of weirdos attacked us. It's like, no, these are literally the people that you armed and build relationships with, and so in that way that probably has like an

inside job quality to it. I think rhond is suggesting that it was really like planned by the US government, as like basically, uh, I don't know exactly why, but that the US government intentionally flew its own planes into our buildings. Well see, it's like I feel that, But we just love money too much. And the key to America and what America wants more than anything, is to just keep getting money unopposed, with no interruptions, no break unless it's a commercial break in the football game. You

know what I'm saying. We don't need no other Make sure the jets fly across the stadium. No, no, no flaws, no nothing, be in and out. Need the trains running on time because I got some paper coming on, I got some bitches coming and cannot be late. It can't be late. I need this money right now. I think in that way, I've always believed that I and I

at least personally believe. I don't believe that we flew our own planes into those buildings, but I do believe that once those plane flew into those buildings, a bunch of money motherfucker's put their heads together and win. How can we turn this into a profit that did not. We gotta get this back this, We gotta get this back right now. The money guys get back on defense quick.

Oh they slapped the floor when they get back, like, dude, you know what I mean, they're putting up the Janice wall dog nothing through we getting get back, get back baby. And they knew, like, of course that's why they picked the World Trade Center, because we had these nickets over for fucking you know, Summer contillion. And I was like, oh, that's where the bread is. They're like, oh, you're the

greatest representation of your wealth. That's going down. Baby. Yeah, we got you, We got you, We got you all peg right now, let's do Let's do two more. There are two more fun ones that I'd love to throw your way. Number one and this is this is a pretty fun one. Is Steph Curry actually, about two years ago got in trouble for saying that he believed the moon landing was fake. That he he was on a podcast with Vince Carter and Vince Carter I think it

was Vince Carter and Friends. I don't remember who was on the podcast, but he's on a podcast with Vince Carter and basically admitted that he thinks that the moon landing was a complete fake and then later he had to apologize because he's Steph Curry, and holy Moley, don't love when Steph Curry behaves that way. Yeah, you can't. You know what I'm saying. ABC Disney a playing like that. No, not at all. What do you think though about Steph Curry's suggestion that there is a faked moon landing? Is

there any legitimacy to it? And why do you think Steph Curry is saying that? I'm kind of fucking with him, because one, we never put ship up there. America is about getting dollars and making that ship move. And if we could send thirteen fourteen sets the Niggas to the moon, why ain't it. It's not no McDonald's up there. There's no athletes put up there. There's no fucking wet pretzels up there. I got you, and I can remember because Fox, you know they're not. They don't got the Disney hooks.

I remember Fox did a conspiracy theory that. Remember when Fox in the nineties was very about uncovering conspiracy. Here's the secret magician. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. They was on all that type of ship and it was like, here's why the moon landing's fake, because how the funk you even get out there? It's like nine layers of radiation niggas don't know shit about and blah blah blah, and you could end the lights and ship and I also and I and I like that we faked it.

Let me say that because at the time, you remember who's the space race with Russia and ship. So it's this you're we're like, it's a shouting match with US in Russia and nobody knows what anybody's got, but everybody's ready to push the button. But we all know that like after World War Two, like Nikas really got shipped. Now that could really in the world. So it's like we like, damn, Russia really might jump back at us.

What's the best way to get Russia to calm down beat him in the space race because they care, because they're really trying to get out there. Let's just go to Burbank and shoot one dog. And I will say that, And I'm cautious about the way that I say this, but in support of what you're saying, I I will say that there is a fair amount of evidence that the US was well behind Russia in terms of their

preparations because they're really smart dogs. Yeah, the Russians were way ahead of us, and that's part of why Operation

paper Clip even happened in the first place. Operation paper Clip being when we we basically took a bunch of Nazi scientists and allowed them to basically make their way into the US and become US citizens for the same using their developments in efforts or are our Cold War like sort of like defenses, and then ultimately the space race, so like, there is some evidence that even if those German scientists weren't able to save us, maybe a fake

moon landing did. I'm telling you, JFK was looking around like, yo, yah, God, Nazi niggas in here. They already sent a dog up their dog. We fucked, man. We don't got ship except for forty Nazis. What the funk is wrong with you niggas? Dude? I hope he said it exactly like that. I hope that's verbatim If that's an exact quote from JFK yelling at his scientists, all we got is a bunch is forty Nazis. What the funk is wrong with you, niggas? Is an exact quote from JFK. This ship is dumb

as hell. I'm calling that Sullivan. We're going to Burbank and we're just gonna film one because they don't even got TV. We figured out how to make our ships swaggy, and so that's how we we beat him on some bugs bunny ship. That's perfect. One last person for you to dig into Reggie Bush. Reggie Bush of USC fame and later uh a Heisman Trophy that they took back from him. Reggie Bush has recently come out as an anti vaxer. He's not into vaccines. He's not he's not

gonna get vaccinated. What are your thoughts? Where do you think this is coming from for old Reggie Bush? Well, this is just coming from playing football. There's just something about the football the football player's mind, because it's about the sport. The coaches always tell you gotta give. You have to give all of your body, you have to give everything you have. And so if you want to be really good at football, you're thinking, like, man, like what if I get this VAXX? And like, now I

can't run the out route? You know what I'm saying? Like these niggers really are really Like if I could to vas knock, can't fucking now, I can't break tackles no more what's gonna happen or this VACS might funk up my CT and I'll be reasonable in a way that I can't I can't be na. What do you mean I'm not gonna yell at my wife anymore? What do you mean I'm not gonna be able to take advantage of my brain damage to give another man brain damage?

What absurd? What are you talking about? What do you mean? I was on two seasons and keeping up with the car dash. I never even met that lady. Huh well, Jamale, I think we did it. I think we did the thing. This is a lovely episode and and uh joy, could you tell the people at home where they can find you what cool ship you have going on? Look, you can find me a thousand places. Because none of my names online are connected in any way. It's Broccoli House

on Instagram. Okay, I don't sell weed anymore. Kept the name at Rockley House, nonprofit comic go on Twitter. Also at soccer niggas. Keep in mind it's Gold Cup time. It's a big soccer year Euros. We hey, but Kayosaka were staying with you? Marcus Rashford on the other time, he's a fucking tosser. Fuck you, Marcus Rashford. But the mother two niggas, you're good with me and so on

and so forth. Oh and uh NBA storytime is uh, it's a it's a blue Wire project and I'm the host also at air Bus if you want to hear the rest of uh uh Langston's All Star game tales, at least the ones he told us. That's the one in the archives. But our guy Lanxton on the on the air buds at airbuds pot on everything, and uh, yeah it's Jamal Johnson has spelled like it sounds. Yeah, and Marcus Rashford is that his name? Yeah? Yeah, fuck you Marcus Rashford. I don't and yeah, I don't know

nothing about you. I got nothing to contribute for. Why fuck you? But my man say you suck and and as far as I'm concerned, he's right. His team allegiance is okay, and it's everything. I actually we love your community service work and the outreach. Fuck those kids, and fuck you, Marcus Rashfort. The communities you serve. I hope they all burn along with you. Marcus rashforst I just I like Arsenal. I didn't mean for any communities. It

burned down Marcus a few email less. We'd love to have you on the show all right, well as always, you can follow me at Lengthsteon Kerman on on everything and please like subscribe, do whatever it is you're supposed to do the podcast. And if you want to send us ship your theories, your your opinions, your pushed back against the horrific things that we say, please send them to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. I would

love to hear from you. Otherwise by bitch mans, racist the oaks and player pasting money, actually do many turnkey stuff. You know. I can't tell me nothing. My lo