Jesus is Magic (with Sam Jay + Keith Johnson)

Because this is my my guest episode. I'd like for Keith to be here, but to never mention who he is, okay, what he does, and also we them saying he's just here.

This is a humiliation.

We don't introduce him.

Him.

I had to see that at the table.

I hope you get some royal boss blue after that.

I got there.

You got to because Sam.

Yanked yo could be up broers.

Racist money stuff.

I can't tell me.

Got him with d that girl? Oh man, Welcome Little Mamas and gentiles. Unlike to another phenomenal episode of Ma Mama Told Me.

Podcast when he died deep into the fuckings and flack conspiracy theories.

What were you doing that?

You remember at the beginning of of that Michael Jackson video where Chris Tuckers in it and he goes.

That girl, Oh rock my world.

Oh man, that girl is fine. Man, Mike, I know you can't get that girl.

Chris.

I can get that girl. Mag You can't get that girl, have you, Chris, Chris, watch me get this girl. And then he goes and he gets the girl. But he's the gayest he's ever been. Yeah, he was tough at getting gross and videos.

Bro.

He was toughs videos.

He couldn't get that girl if he tried, and y'all.

Can jump in time, you don't have to stay quiet. Had to edit out in between Mike getting the girl.

The negotiations they had to make with the girl to even be got by Mike.

Well, I think that I don't think it was that. I think she thought that he was into it. I don't think they were having a tough time.

He never looks comfortable, no situations. So what was the worry, Presley was he was like kissing on her and stuff.

He was still kind of like the n we talked Crazy is one of the harder watches I've ever had because I'm I've never been more attracted than Naomi Campbell than in that video.

I'm like, that is that's her and her bad.

Yeah, that's it.

And then here comes by running getting in a way.

The whole time he's just watching the weird dude trying to suck That is.

A fun thing to watch, though, a weird guy try to get pussy. That's like some of the greatest but.

Not that kind of weirds.

Yeah, he's weirdest coming from a stranger.

Yeah, it's not like, oh, it's like we're watching like Neil the Girls, Tyson or something not entertaining. Ye's like his body weird wed.

Yeah, he's performing for the woman, which I think we all had it from like that in high school.

Huh.

Who was just like it's like, you don't have to convince me, man, Yeah, I don't think you.

Know what I mean.

In college it was just did get a beer?

Man.

It doesn't all have to be that.

In college, we lived we lived down the hall. I lived down the hall from.

This kid who we had deemed uh Stuart Minkis because he looked just like start from World, the super blonde and and he was a dork man, truly like a dork, dork dork.

But every night he would bring this big girl back with him, real big, pretty big, let's go, pretty big girl, tall, bigger than him, let's go.

And he would walk her down the hall like he had the baddest bitch in the land.

That's yeah, that's how you have to live.

He would hold her hand and he make hard eye contact with motherfuckers. He hadn't even spoken to you, just to let them know what I got.

One.

What was that movie where they went on like the college road trip and then they stop at the black frat house and.

Then yes, DJ Qualls behavior absolutely chested.

Brother, he ain't did a push up yet, and that was it.

That was his ship.

So he would he would fuck her and he would make a point of fucking are loud.

You wanted everybody to know that. And then afterwards he because you know, all the bathrooms are in we share it in the hallway. Afterwards, he'd come out in his draws and he walked himself to the bathroom and he'd leave the door open. So that so that.

Spelling him like, uh huh, man, where's he at, crazy bro?

Where's he at in the in Trump's cabinet?

I bet.

That's the dastardly person. But he stood on it.

I really had it. Shout out to store Minkers. I hope you're well. I hope that big girl is doing fine. I wish I wish nothing but the best for y'all.

Our guest today.

Yeah, but that's okay. That story was worth it. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, our guest.

Today, Glad it passed your test.

I was at the moment I was President's time to have an opinion.

I guess today we're so happy they're here. My god, it's been since the beginning of the podcast.

Literally literally you were one of our our first like five I think or something like that. Yeah, and you're.

Back and I'm back. You guys are better.

We're better. There's two of us.

Now there's guys. This is fire. I'm like, really thrilled.

To be here.

No, it's it's a phenomenal space.

We've come a long way.

Yeah, it's a phenomenal collection.

Truly.

Uh, we live like Emperor Sam.

I like it.

There's cold beer in the fridge. Come on, small Kingdom, there's water.

This is very it's a very good setup.

We do have a limit out there, so don't go crazy.

We added the guests and people got right to it.

Yeah, because we got to.

You had a lot of you had a lot of whites in here hop into it.

And we thank those whites. Always thank our whites. Actually, our guest today is one of my favorite comedians, your favorite comedians in the world. Uh, motherfucking pause with Sam j fucking bust down Essen. Now you know her from all the ship she She is currently touring a goddamn new hour that.

You need to see. Motherfuckers. Go ahead, and check her out. A dear friend, Sam, jay about you ain't.

Lift with the whole.

And that's if you don't know who this is.

Right, cleared it up, exactly, clear it up. I like to add that I am a Immy nominated writer.

Let's go.

We can talk about the typing, bro.

Something.

Just do that. You're gonna see brothers.

I'm just started out there. Bro, my good I with.

Some ship all the dirty.

He brought them dirty, off on the bro off the brain.

Apparently this story is.

They get dressed like that? Did you double trouble? Brother that wants to pun? He said, Sam, Sam, you go wear your.

Chain on this.

Lucas Brothers Di Lucas Brothers.

Bro.

Bro this a minute, Wait a minute, bro, Bro, it's never turned out a one time.

I never thought about it one time.

The niggas shouldn't even be together. Bro. Wow, he brought together. That's what it is. Bro. This is a terrible match.

This is like a lot of slave owners worked really hard to separate your bloodline.

Oh man, do you know what I mean?

It was arguably the point of the New World was to make sure this doesn't happen.

We want to spread them up. They get one family reunion. That's it.

Look look at us is beautiful.

It's beautiful.

Sam.

You came to us today with the conspiracy theory that that that.

I couldn't be more excited about. As soon as I saw it was. This is really.

I've been I've been thinking maybe I shouldn't do it since I said.

Yeah, that's the best, the best episode.

But okay, we're here.

I want them to know this is you and you alone.

You laugh. I love it.

I'm so excited. I'm I'm poisonous as well. Great you said my mama told me Jesus is magic. Didn't even hit it, okay, presal button now though you let it sit.

Man, that's funny, man, this is I'm gonna commuted.

That one sucked Yea, it was really bad.

That's like, lets just go to you. Yeah, y'all put put a little something in posts.

Yeah, you give me acause we're gonna keep me saying it sucked too though.

Yeah, it'll be complicated.

It's gonna be really complicated.

My feelings like thirty seconds and then another.

You like us, Yeah, you said Jesus, my mama told me Jesus was magic.

Yeah, basically basically no, I just was. I was thinking about it, Like, bro, when we I've been going to church lately, so I go to church on the weekends, and I do appreciate here this, Yeah, I do appreciate hearing the good word. Well, I'm like, when are we gonna stop with all the magic stuff like the water into wine, the one who blow for bread to eighty lows all this.

It's like, come on now, I don't like that.

Come on now, you don't like the wizardry.

I think that's the funnest part of the there's good there's good word, and it's just like, hey, there's just ways we should live, ways we should dream.

People.

So I get this story like Jesus would touch the lepard and not be me to the leapon. It's like, yeah, that's good. Don't be mean to someone because they got a disease.

That's not nice.

But we don't have to go as far as to say this nigga made fifty bread loaves.

Right, I'm gonna say it's crazy that that's where you get off, because the coming back from the dead thing is maybe the big magic.

I mean, I'm I'm saying this all.

I'm saying.

The magic of it right right, But also to me a little bit more believable. If I'm believing you're the son of God and it was this purpose for you to sacrifice your life and all that, it's a little bit more believable to me that God would rise you from the day is like niggas out here making honey subs. I don't want sub just just for the sake of It wasn't to be the starving either. It was like there's a party, we just we just want more shit here.

Yeah, which is I think that Jesus was into doing personable acts. I think that's a very personable act. Even like the water and the wine was just a wedding, right it is.

The wedding was and it was like we out we were partying that night.

All right, we're doing the sedge of Jodah, but.

No, but we were it is we're we're a partying that night. And he made water feel like wine.

Is it feel like or turned into him?

I think he turned it into it.

I'm saying that literally the Bible. If you treat it more as an allegory, he made an evening that otherwise didn't have resources feel like it had resources.

I've done that.

Yeah, so you're saying, you're saying not to take this literally.

I think I think the Bible is best served as an allergy.

So that's my point.

My point is if we are thinking in that way, then why don't we say it in that way, because you, for Zindy is not how it's being said. How's being said in the church is he turned water into wine.

That's for you, that's for you can know that. I think people want blind faith in magic. Yeah, I think magical thinking is like how you get people on board. I think it's Trump being like I could beat anybody up. It's like you need that, man.

I do agree. I think I'm not giving ten percent to to not magic.

Oh you think if they if they stated it plainly, You're like, I.

Can't because because that's a lesson you can. I can achieve it anywhere, and I can achieve that. And what they're selling is something beyond what's achievable by man.

That's what I'm saying.

So that's what I'm saying, Like the Bible and at least what they're teaching church is not what you're saying. They're saying, Jesus is beyond man powers.

Be drawn our powers.

He's good.

He can take this, make eighty coronas right now by touching it and saying eighty coronas if that's what.

It's a lightlight beer, what California is hot.

I'm taking down twelve on my own.

So I'm good.

And I just want us to grow up. Let's just grow up.

Get out, okay, out now, are you please?

No, We're very excited. We're all very excited. I'm still reeling from this.

Are you taking this to the streets?

Are you passionate about this to the point that you are going up to aunties of different ILKs.

I mean, if they come to me with this, like, if they if they're coming to me on something like this is what it is, like, come on, God, let's be grown ups. It's fine, and it's fine for the kids. Yes, it's fine for the kids.

Pay bills.

We we we ultimately are counting on this church for community. This is about building true community of like minded people can move in a positive.

Direction to be good to your fellow man and just like do good, you are good in the world.

Then you need you need fireworks.

But this is what's crazy.

Nobody has done none of this ship since so y'all are really holding.

Your dick, yo, yo, dick because you believe in the magic.

He's supporting the supporting.

Yeah, yeah, I just like to party, he said.

I mean honest, I think he's more on the devil's side.

So then it's like, but yeah, it's like, what, we haven't seen anything like this since there's been no reports of no more super brand people or water to wine people. So you're you're hold on for centuries upon centuries. Now people are like, when he comes back, he gonna, you know, he gonna David blame us and give us all the magic we've been waiting for.

And it's like, cut it out.

Bro, Yea, you have a Muslim approach to Jesus because in the Qur'an, I'm just a man of uh Many.

Yeah, I understand. I've always always I'm going to open up my body and acknowledge Jesus as a prophet.

But he's like, he's not He's not like going crazy. But he was a good dude.

He said.

He was acknowledged that. Yeah he was. Yeah, so you're seeing him like that.

That's what I'm like, why can't we believe like this?

It was just a really good guy out there that was going place to place doing good work. And like maybe he did get more bread, but he didn't like magic bread. Maybe he just like, yo, y'all out of bread? I know where to go get.

Something about a loaf and a half in the truck.

When they got the Jersey.

Got double.

To four? Bro?

Why why does Christianity need the the Disney?

I do think it's sad that we we just have we we.

We're missing out on a fun guy. It could have just been a really awesome.

You think he's more fun if we acknowledge it it was magic if we don't, if we don't call.

It, I think it's more attainable too, Like maybe we're living in a better world if it was just like, hey, this is just a guy who did good, and you can be.

Just a guy that does good.

But it's like, no, like this is the son of God and he got magic, So y'a'll never be that so stupid, Please come get me ten percent.

So I could just make you feel a little bit of that, you know what I mean.

It's like we might be making better people if you approaching it in this way.

I think so.

But I think for what it has been built. People love that magic. That's what they're going for. They're going for magic and superiority. Like that's like a lot. I know the right kind of magic. I'm better than you, that's like. But that's what.

I'm saying is we are not.

Now if the pastor was in the church recreating this magic and he was like, yo, because I'm so close to God, I also know how to flip the magic and every time you in til so that he could hit you with a little magic like, oh I get this, but just figure he don't got it. So he's just telling you'resting.

There is a bird in your pocket, go ahead and look at you. You'll have a good night. Were sometimes open it up, there's a white dove.

Sometimes.

You know what I'm saying, trying, But at least in African church, at least they be trying, at least at least the whole out of bitch.

I don't know what.

I don't know what's going on in there.

I don't know if magic's the word. Something crazy happens every Sunday.

But they at least know we're selling superpowers here, so we better knock the hole out of us personal.

And they they to those people.

They said, So it's.

Like it's like I had I had got down bad sick when I was in Africa, and they believe in it. Like like my aunt like she pushed the Bible on my head to pray for me, and she's like, mush in my head? Did you She's like like going like and I'm.

Like, this is it?

Did you?

Did?

You?

Just curses?

I did?

What was the first part of that?

She said, Papa God.

No, Yeah, I didn't follow it either, but I wasn't gonna stop it.

No, no, just what was.

Happening at the point is that they're performing it in like a different way where I'm like, that's like the belief level you need, that's what That's what.

We're getting in America, especially in black church right now.

It's just like a nigga in Gucci being like, you know what you like to have Gucci? You know what I mean. They're not even like showing me magic.

Yeah, yeah, you can't even flip.

So you want me to buy into the old magic.

You want me to buy into the fact that you're the closest I can get to the magic guy.

But you ain't giving me no magic.

I do think I do think it's a bummer too, because black people love magic. I think we are big supporters of magic. I've never the best magic shows I've ever attended have been black audiences or audience members in the like, I think we fuck with it. And it's a shame that we separated Christianity from the magic.

You think that's when the schism started when we said these are the magicians, these are the pastors.

And I wonder how much of that wasn't the hand of a mean white man.

Because we need Matt Richards to be yeah, do comedy, they should be even magic.

By that I have seen it happen. He hasn't magic, he really he does this ship bro, Yeah yeah.

He will like crazy like he'll be like, think of the name of the girl you liked in second grade and he'll like that ship up here and it would be like I've seen I've seen this man be right, what do.

You think it is?

Several times I swear I'm trying to get to so like you think there are practitioners of Jesus and those are the real magicians.

I think, And it's like right now.

If I'm gonna give tides and you're gonna tell me about magic, show me some magic, and we should be letting these magic dudes in the church, because whatever it is that he's doing, I'm not gonna say it's Jesus, but I'm saying it's enough for me to believe the rest of the ship, right right.

It's more convincing than just yelling at me.

Just yelling at me and man like, you'll never be as cool as that guy who did all that magic a long long time ago.

Yeah, and I don't even do magic, but I'm yelling at you.

Yeah, and I only got nothing magical for you, and not for nothing.

I've seen Matt in non magical states be magic, and that is that is crazy.

He'll be magic with nothing, and he'll be magic magic, He'll be magic.

He'll just be magic drunk. He can bend do magic and you still can't see whatever the fun.

Jesus didn't need to do that.

No, drink some water.

First, brod one show every four months, start.

Colling up these like this. Nigga did five things.

Jesus ain't got enough albums to really to the typers. The Bible teaches us anything. Shout out to the type of piper bro.

And we should bless the type. We were the hardest, so you were. She made you that because this is what she's doing to me.

Current.

Oh you want to relive the trauma.

We don't have to relive the Trump posting. I'm pre impost first of all, nobody hyper editor.

But I didn't make likes anything I asked to.

Right or no, no, no, And I don't resent that part. It's very grateful.

Money.

This was meant to be purely. You're trying to make this.

You're trying to make this exclusive.

Can we talk about the no?

Whatever you got, brother, that's all you let me. I had to pull up on this story. Broke trying to hold my hand and ship.

In the house, like I said, was silent. I was silenced. That's that's just that's the difference. Bro beautifully said Sam.

I'm sorry we had ton In on a button that was a good button.

Probably.

Yeah, he always thinks he's contributing so much.

I detailed the whole we got to get back in. I'm sorry we can complicated.

This is complicated.

It's quite a dance.

Yeah you really, you really have a control over men that I feel like you don't acknowledge a lot.

Last time I was with you, you had a white guy from Boston.

First of all, I didn't yeh, y im afraid of my.

But you had him. I didn't have him.

Come on, he's a sweet boy. He's a sweet boy.

It was cool. I thought it was cool.

I did not have him. This is crazy. You have to fix this. You don't feel I did not have him. He was my friend. We were saying, I playing darts.

Am I the new white boy?

Brother? I don't know what's going on with you.

I better not be.

I s where God.

Like the moon you're bringing him to, Bro, I will say, I will say.

That's what they wow.

I will say that you have You have maintained a command, long and strong and proud.

Okay, don't make me feel crazy.

In the army of men at your leisure.

That is absolutely sure.

Your boy harrim is strong and I'm proud to have served you.

Guys are just my friend in the Army of sam Jay.

That's a girl.

That's a four army captain. I'll stand behind you wherever they line up. Bro, shoot me or salute me.

Salute him.

Bro, that's.

Better than you, because you do get you do get PTSD coming from that position, Bro, there needs to be a payout.

It's got the years you said to shell Shot, I have been a quality person.

You are you? He struggling me. You're not quality Jesus, no about it.

Everybody's happening to you talking to people they need to be talking. And sometimes it's certain ways.

You when.

It's okay, feel good. When you hit me, I knew I needed to be here, and I was glad you were the show. Myself getting up, I hurt you more than heard me.

You know you're reading general that's how loud.

We gotta take a break, man, Jay Morgan Johnson.

My mama told me we're back with My mama told me that we're going to do this respectfully.

Otherwise we'll ending a duel, and I mean a duel, real life duel where only one person walks away.

We can meet with guns, bottles, knives or books and equations, but we're going to do this like man, So.

Get ready, Where did you think from white for white boys come from?

That's a good question.

I think it's just like being like an eighties kid surfer. White boy culture was kind of big, like skateboard California, Malibu. That's what just was going on like in the world and like in medio even like the movies and shit, Sceno man this or that whatever hot guy thing.

I also think like my fucking Abercrombie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think I always liked to like purs like I like when whiteness is like white, like this what the idea, Like when when you close your eyes you see like a commercial of white life. I like when white people look like that. Yeah, and then and then they're like, I don't like when they look like tell this stuff.

I don't like, you know what's funny. I haven't remember.

I have a distinct memory one time I was showing you people from my hometown on Instagram and we were all drunk, and you were like, I don't really like to see white people like that.

I remember it.

So we.

Were so drunk and I was like, oh yeah, and she was like, it's grossing me out.

Close it.

Disgusting, disgusting.

You put them away.

When I was looking at kids and some mem that's how you reacted.

I was like, this is three states away. This is happening in your backyard. Damn.

It was like, this is me and my friends in the woods.

I'm like Oh, that's crazy. I feel the exact opposite. That's my preferences. You like, yeah, if I'm going to see white people, I want to see them.

Because what you know what, you don't take any we're breaking before you know what, it's hopeless when they're rong rten.

Yeah.

The hope is when they're pristine and they're like You're like, okay, that's.

Something I believe in the idea, the magic of white people. Whenever where I like that, it's like, what do we have?

The experiment didn't work? You don't like flamboyant white white people.

I don't even think it's that she likes the flamboyants, like dirty white.

Winners, like she want like degreed New England, England. I want you to have a sweater tied around your fucking name.

In that way.

This looks maxying curvicular ship that this is your direction.

Go crazy. He looks get these slack jog jogo.

Like white people.

We bet.

Let's get back to it.

You don't you don't fear the repercussions of this strong jaw future.

I think he.

Stirs the funk out of me. What do you think is gonna happen?

I don't know.

I know, I know they're not scared of us anymore.

But from I'm from I'm from Boston, they were they were never scared over there, and okay, I don't know they weren't afraid ever.

Yeah, I went back.

I went back to Florida. We went to a little nightclub. These white boys, the cuplicular white boys walking around. They'll bump you, not even care, bro, And you're like, because you're you're assuming that they're gonna fall nah, they're walking through you, and you're like, oh.

Yeah, yeah, I'm always grown up around those type of whites, So that's fair.

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, Boston is where I experienced that first. I think it isn't because Chicago is so segregated, lore exists, and you can kind of build lore of like, oh what is this You can't even step foot in this fucking neighborhood.

Well you'll kill.

Yeah exactly, And that type of lore then controls the way people interpret each other. But Boston was the first.

Time living there where I was like, oh, they don't there's no, it's not even it's not even just they don't fear me. They know for sure they'll kill me. They are. They are top dog here.

Well, you're dealing with white people that live in the projects, you know what I mean, like, which is what you don't like to see, and that's you know what, that's very different.

See, you need to be specific about what you showed me to because I could deal with a poor city white you showed me something else.

Yeah, that's it's true, true, he said, tis true.

Now that's what I didn't like.

That was bothering.

This bigga got old English about it.

It is true.

I didn't want you to be right, but you were right.

You showed me some show.

I was like, I don't want to know that people are living like that.

Yeah, yeah, that's fair, that is, but that is what most of them. I think that's more of them than the poor city.

Of course, of course that's what they're doing. Just like the white monster. I don't want to see it.

You know what I love about you. You are such a capitalist bro. I don't want me.

I said it for years, but you mean it.

I don't want to see that.

Phil, And also clean up the streets, get yourself.

You're like the watchman, the city's filter.

I smelled the roaches in Tuna Castle. Rotting our streets. Boston is like the O G. White though.

That's like straight from the boat that Africa. That's that's that's where they yes, version of it.

So they're the strongest. It is it is uh white Atlanta. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.

I've heard that several times. Yes, I would say it's very accurate. It's also just yeah, it's like we're the most we get all that that, we're all white Americana A Card Wilder's Vineyard, Newport, Rhode Island.

You know, White's on water Island.

I love.

I love whites on the water, the water. The love them when they're near some water, some water, some wine. Yeah, oysters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is good. I think that's as good as they get good. I think that's probably on.

Water with a boat. They're cool as hell.

Oh they're great on boats.

Yeah, they love boat. They coolat boats, celebrate everybody. Everybody's great on.

Everybody's not great on boats.

Who's not great on boats?

Niggas in Miami?

You ever you ever had niggas just to steal your.

That's a.

That's a very specific, very specific, that's a very specific point.

I feel like you take blacks on boats everywhere else, everywhere else.

You're right about that. That's what does that say South Florida.

Yeah, we don't water.

They got water dirt bikes.

Like niggas on fan boats in New Orleans. That's quality exact.

Yea.

I will say if we're counting cruises, we don't do those will no.

But that's that's getting into ships, and I don't think nigga should be.

Let's separate.

Different boats are different.

Let's go very very should be.

If you can pilot it, that should be. We don't.

If you could, we have to be transported then we really you.

Know, it's or something.

Yeah, Now we don't need to We don't need to be with we don't need to be with white ship.

Yeah, that's real. I'm punching you in the head out of some sort of like deep.

It's like it's like when the Siren Mermaids be coming that night.

That's the carnival.

That's the carnival.

Go crazy, go fucking nuts right now. Just throw up a set. You don't belong to you on a boat.

On here, Blow that weed into captain's face.

You don't know you, he's just just know where you got dropped off.

You don't know where you live. Why do niggas think if you don't know exactly what.

You can't catch. I will say it is the thing that scares me the most when somebody says some ship that I'm like, where is that? I get nerve.

I'm so confident in saying it that You're like, it must be somewhere that I'm not up.

Damn, I must not know that blost, I know about it. What's your major city next to it?

Yeah?

You got you gotta figure that out. Scary ship.

Yeah, we're still talking about the possibility that Jesus is magic is more more fantasy than true ultimately as well.

We know possibility.

I mean he's yeah, he's like an urban legends, Yeah.

Like Freddy Krueger Yeah yeah yeah, or like.

The way Michael Jackson was somebody that was a man though you didn't have to pick that.

You could have picked any one of the characters, and you're like, yeah, I'm gonna get in real trouble now, Yeah, I'm really gonna turn some times here.

I was making a lot of poignant Okay, that's reasonable, that's reasonable.

That's not doing the magic.

How hard are we doubling down on Jesus here because I think they made him magic to hide the fact that because they'll be like he was magic and a perfect man, who's perfect. Jesus clearly had a foot fetish, Bro. He's he's pulling people in washing their feet.

Who does that? Someone with the foot fetish?

Bro?

And honestly, the feet washing that the most.

Report y'all don't belong together.

Man to put you off.

This is why they didn't want us combined.

Bro.

He like he like one lever, you know what I mean, like turn water in a while one time. But he was washing them feet everyway.

Wait, yeah, he was watching feet was.

While the magic was just a tree glow the people. Because what you like not to get your feet washed just by some random nigga on the street. No, but if you already killed a leper, you're like he got magic hands.

He washed my feet.

I don't think there's more.

You keep doing this morning so bad? Right, you just gotta believe it's you. Gotta take the leap of faith, bro. Jesus is so nice, Thomas, Bro, can we get you some money or something?

And washing?

Why I'm why letting them wash their feet? Why else were they were doing that? Just because so there's a nigga out there right now. There's out there right now. It was like, yo, I want wash your feet.

It was a different time.

There's no reports on this side.

It was a different time around foot washing in general.

No, I don't think there was all the people they were like shoe shiners.

I think foot washed.

What's a big we're talking about? Wash was what I'm saying.

I'm saying so the reason I would let this guy wash my feet because the Bible doesn't exist when the stories are happening.

All this.

Okay, So the reason why I'm laying this particular guy washed my feet is because I heard he cures leprosy.

I heard he turns water into wine. I heard he does all this.

Cool ship.

Wash my feet. I might catch a blasting the.

Two or three.

I just got.

Let me see some feet before I go.

I got what good eye because it was taking a high vision, bro, I got a little good I love you to say people I like that.

I don't.

I didn't like it at first. It scared me to suggest that Jesus was a freaky ass nigga. But but now I'm seeing and then it.

Right son to town they say that he was watching lines of people's feet. So it's like the magic was the lore to get the.

Feet And I like that.

You know you're saying, but because he had such a foot fetters, Yeah, that's what all this is.

He who is without sending cast the first stone?

Right?

Who was he saving a random hoe?

I get Jesus that right? Because you are doing so commony.

I thought it was gonna be a real quote that was. That was some ship he got off of, like good quotes.

Might was.

But what I'm saying. What I'm saying is to say, has in case we know he who has the stone?

And then.

I do I recognize fully how much of this is allegorical? My fear, and really I guess it's less of a fear. But my my concern is how do we communicate that truth to a larger capacity of people who genuinely believe that they need magic?

Jesus, Yeah, that's the difficulty I think with this whole thing. That's the true difficulty.

But I think it's also what makes it so dangerous, right, That's what makes Christianity so like like you could use it to wield so much good and bad because we're making it.

So that's what scares me. It's not it's not telling people. And if if you lower the steaks, then it becomes a thing that's.

And then you can recognize people for being Charlatans or false prophets or all this stuff because you're not attaching it to this idea of magic.

So now, like I was just watching that nature boy nigga that was doing all all shit.

But it's like, if you take away the magic of all this stuff, which the magic in us wanting to believe there's prophets and these magic niggas on earth all starts with the fucking Bible. It's like, if you just rip this away and just let these be regular men, then a lot quicker. They were just seeing that was a nasty nigga from Atlanta. The three ways they would

How people can keep doing it.

Right.

Yes, bro, his nigga was just literally popping all threesomes with girls who he wouldn't let them came their heir.

Why wouldn't he let these witches come here? Not because it's nature.

So the bitches feel ugly, so he could control them better because now they they're dusty, crusty, smelling bad pit hair. And then like the only thig that's gonna love me is this little dirty digger. And then we just took the magic away.

Yeah damn. It was a tough watch just a guy.

It was nice. Yeah, then you can go, oh, that's I met another nice guy who.

I met a bad guy christ Like I, I thank you for your contributions.

You're where is your.

He needs?

Yeah, and that's my fear. Let's get back to it. That demonic spirits like this dud lurk among amongst us, and we we money what you're saying. I'm speaking to her, but but I want her to know who I'm speaking about. Okay. I think ultimately his demonic behavior is is what people are so.

The mindic Okay, the demons like Keith are so strong that that they go.

We need imagine because he's a he's devil man, he's we needed magic.

Hero.

But to be quite honest, I believe more.

Skin niggas against each other. Bro, don't take the magic. And you know when I get excited in light skinned brotherhood.

I do.

Wow.

But yeah, even despite you still think I got the devilish ways, Keith, I'm such a big so many of the things you do, your prank calls, they make me laugh to no end.

I love them.

I think the type of spirit that you have to have to make the phone calls that you make to to you, he's a back. You guys have a program on site.

Which I constantly have to keep him on track from being evil.

Seriously, pay a guest on but yeah, we're gonna unpack something and he'll go, yeah, we need to talk about how they cheat on their wife. And I heard that they smacked their kids around and I'm like, dude, that's not what this show is.

You know what I mean?

We're back.

He said, you're Christian, but you j We're back.

Understanding.

Yeah, you just let us sit there. That was really smooth.

Thank you. I'm still reliving the beginning.

Sam and Keith are still here. Uh and and we're gonna do a voicemail together. We're gonna listen to a voicemail. Feel free to stop it and at any point just yell out, well we'll talk ship. Okay, let's do the vapes one please, hell yeah, you.

Know, I just want to say shout out to David were opening up about his his struggles with fashion.

But pause, hold on, that's not the right one. One second. That was crazy. You know, I'm in here with.

You, goddamn devil, movable.

Struggling up. You know, it tells it down.

He's blowing up Bronce traveling in the state of California.

The globe is real, bro, I see you, dog man, We're not We're not.

Man.

Man.

That was so bad. That was the worst thing that could have happened right now, Like what, man, nothing's going on.

I think I think my guy is just in a transition phase where he's with your clothes.

I'm I'm trying to like age into what's next for me, and it's like trying to get cycle some of this ship out, like I got way too many graphics.

You know, just like exactly.

That ship out my wardrobe and then figure out figure out like what it is I want to be doing.

That's exactly.

I think it's hard for black people too. I think I think it's hard. I always say this, like I don't want to be one of these old niggas's dressing crazy and I see that with a lot of us, like we don't know how to like age are.

Fashion appropriate, you know when it comes down.

And I don't want I don't want to get caught up like that and I don't want to be one of these old dicks.

You say, these old decks be looking bro that terrified.

I'm like, I got to get everything custom made and it's just plain shirts and pants.

That fit well. I'll go there, but normally just looking like a nut.

You can't be over forty out here with tricky pants.

No, No, first of all, big on that when over forty, just get the stuff off your pants. You can't have all that crazy sparkle zipper.

Move Like, yeah, I ain't there yet, but.

I was early.

I remember when me and Lason and Jack used to talk to Chris about all his zippers.

We were like, it's a lot. You had to pull them aside and be like, brother, I'm kind of zippers.

It's so I'm definitely not Yeah, you gotta let go.

I'm really at a place where i'm looking and I'm like, I think I might be phasing jeans out altogether.

Whoa, it's just fine from.

Pants and just doing kind of cool looking pants and like that's good though, I think, you know, maybe a couple appair of like like I need a good pair of blue j.

Like an old man.

I need a good blue and a good pair of black.

And that.

My ship. I know what I wanted to look like. I'm not about to like play with a new version of it right, especially.

With micro seasons because ship switches up. You gotta be consistent throughout and too hard.

Yeah, your situation, what are some of your vulnerability?

I'm not.

Honestly all the ship don't this is your real vulnerability. But how are you really feel?

It's just a departure from T shirts to you?

And I like, how do I?

But also, you don't want to just be dressed like an old white man, and you know you don't want the swag to die, So you're like, how do I get?

What's next? I'll see you some.

Stuff because I'm looking. I appreciate YEA, that don't be better than when I tried to help you with your waves.

Yeah, that was that was pandemic. That was a bad night.

Oh y'all were doing this over zoom.

I think no, I think maybe we should listen to the voicemail. I think the last one already.

I think I was on the picture of you where you're like, this isn't working.

It was like all hope was lost and we were deep inside. We were deep.

I'm like, get these brush yelling.

This really, that is what it is. It's just you're like.

To believe in him that he didn't need it.

It's so coarse, and I was like, you know, I could just use twigs and berries from the forest, and that's not what happened.

I need like product, you need that laugh. Yeah damn.

But then at that point it's like you're taking the choice.

But we were also deep inside. But I was like a strong pandemic, remember.

Yeah, we don't we don't pause over here? No no, no, actually two times that speed. You're deep in the pandemic.

Yeah, that's all that that was. Can we please play the real voice? I feel to be completely I don't know, but you really catching really came.

Down the hill at the end. That's the problem with these episodes. We always end up equals somehow. Yeah. Yeah, there was just two people trying to find the upper hand.

Hi Langston and David.

My name is Bee.

I'm from Portland and I cannot stop thinking about something I saw online. I recently saw that vapes our government propaganda aim to condition you to enjoy sucking robot dick, And honestly, I think it's not a crazy idea. So like, if you think about it, out of all the ways for you to consume nicotine, they made a shiny little robot stick that you carry everywhere and you keep it in your mouth for comfort.

And the flavors.

That's all. They are tricking your brain to create positive reinforcement loops tied to the act itself, not the actual substance. And it's not just the act of sucking on it, but the dependence on it. You lose it and suddenly, like your whole mood is off.

You find it.

It's instant relief. You take a hit, you get that tingy dopamine reward, and you repeat that all day every day, like hello. So honestly, it's not even that crazy to think in the future people are going to be way too comfortable with some weird robot companions situation. Shit like we've already been trained for years and they just want us to be So actually, I have a big no, no problem.

He's going crazy.

I think this is assuming the world is completely head normative because she took robots.

She doesn't leap. I never would take. She was like, it's in your mouth all day is hello? No, not for everybody.

I think sometimes I eat some robot, Guccie. I'm not robot.

I'm afraid of sparks.

Would you do that? Why would you eat some robot? That was my good question. That was my question.

You're eating the little flesh. How does this benefit the robot?

I don't want to do it.

If the robots, I'm gonna please, I want a lower robot or something.

Nobody I'm saying, we're living in dystop where life is shanged, and now you gotta suck it robot Dick. My question was if the robots can't feel it, why am I.

Doing this.

Correctly?

You guys are playing it wrong. The lady presented a scenario. You were we gotta suck robot Dick, and maybe that's a possibility. Well you're not gonna I'm not sucking equipment.

I got you the robots.

What's up?

What?

Thank First of all, thank you, thank you for in this sex apocalypse. How you're gonna help, Yeah, appreciate that.

I'm gonna lay it down.

He was.

He was prorect where you did. It was positive and that I do believe it was crazy because nobody you just offered it.

You took so many steps in this world you're coming, and you said, if this is a possibility, I must be.

Participate.

He also assumed, because it was robot Dick, that we're gonna be pussies.

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I'm not going to live in the world without women.

I'll go what why are we dead in this world?

I don't know.

They may you're the only nigga live. I don't know. He's great. Why is this? As far as I know?

Because I got a robot.

Connect, you don't know.

I'm not Bruce Lee Roy fu me wrong.

Nobody killed me yet.

Robots get me.

I'll eat that COOCHI and y'all won't. And that's why you're gonna Diebody into the way you laughed, it made it clear you were You was crazy.

As he never seen like some be more of a Chicago nigga to this Byrond.

The future is dark. Demzel Washington b poorly in Book of E Live, But that is what the future made him. He wasn't a typer. He laid down no, he held them with him tight. He transferred, Man, I think we did it. I think we accomplished goal. Sam, can you tell the people where they can find you? And Keith you'll do the same.

After at sam J Comic s A M J Why Comic on Twitter and on Instagram.

Fuck yeah, go follow her, Keith at Keith Johnson k E I T H. Johnson h Q on for social.

My only platform that has a D platform that allows free speech a comment to release his inner thoughts.

Yeah, keep Johnson on Rumble you got cool guy jokes eighty seven on Instagram. That's it, and join our Patreon.

Give us some money, Yeah, give us money at our Mama Told Me Patreon, and follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms, and most importantly, uh, if you want to send us drops whatever the fuck, send it all to Mamma pot at gmail dot com. If you want to give us a call, give it us. Give us a call at eight for four Little Moms, and and uh, by the merch, take care of yourself. By bitch, you raggedy bitch.

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Created and hosted by Langston Kreign.

Co hosted by David Bori.

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique, Edited and engineered by Justin.

Kahk, music by Nick Chambers, artwork by Dogon Kreemy.

You can now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me on YouTube. Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel