Half Past Black (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie)

I'm a little worried that. Uh, none of my Instagram purchases have ever been worth it.

Oh really, I've come up. Well, it's because you can only buy like T shirts or hoodies. You can't buy products. That's when it's trash. I do buy products.

That's what you buy, like a kind of a weighted blanket or something.

No, I'm not, I'm not weird. I I whoa. That's not someone.

Us just like to feel like we're hugged. Well, we're weeping. I've it feels like someone else is there without having to have someone else there.

Okay, I think it.

Word for it.

I just go be with somebody in yours are racists.

Money's turkey stuff.

I can't tell me. I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. There it is, there, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told.

Me, the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracies.

Yeah, that one how we finally worked to prove that Bill Cosby did in fact try to buy NBC and R Kelly tried to buy that channel where Mario Lopez be telling you about stuff in your hotel room.

They took him down because he was gonna own Mario Lopez and Mario Mario Lopez.

Everybody knows that that's a baby.

Yeah.

I call the Mexican Jamie Foxx. Not because he's dead. Yeah, but.

Mario Lopez still alive and still voting differently than you think he should. Oh is he Yeah, he's a He's a hardcore Republican.

That makes sense. He's like one of those guys who wouldn't like people who are less than him. I get that. I think he is.

He's got the same thing we talked about with like the Rock, where it was like you probably came from from a challenging situation. I got out.

Yeah boys, yeah, and it's like you're exceptional. He also went to Bayside High. Right, you're in scholarship.

I as you're sixty two years old with abs.

This ain't how everybody, Yeah, you know how, because you know how old guys have like they have like old guy abs.

His are like no, they're still tight.

It's how do you do that?

I don't know.

Man, God bless you Mario.

Yeah, God blessed Mario Lopez, and and and not the god that he serves no, no, no, our god, our god. He got horns, Mario.

I think we should talk about the fact that we are together right now. This is who and at Lengthston got a cool chair and I'm on a casting couch. Oh love this. I didn't pick this. The whole tone of it just feels like you're gonna be like, oh yeah, yeah, how big are those David?

Why don't you get that shirt off?

Yeah?

Yeah, let's see if your contract is gonna work for the next year.

How we do like sex.

We've been reviewing your work and uh, we've got some thoughts.

Yeah. Oh man, No, this is good. It's exciting to do this together.

We rarely get to do this together. We've we've never done this in studio. Yeah, we are in the the iHeart Radio studios. Is that the correct?

Hell?

Yeah, okay, we should know where we are before you can superimposed some black pictures.

Yeah, we didn't pick this.

No, we didn't decorate this at all. It looks like fucking a Boys to Mend members closet and not not the good boys, the men men's members, the fucking Yeah. The dude they got kicked out because he was too lazy. We were talking about it you're a Sean guy, right.

Yeah, he can.

He can cry without crying.

That's the skill I've always wanted. Everybody knows when I'm crying.

Here's here's the honest to god truth. I was a Michael guy. That's the deep voice, dude. Yeah, yeah, that guy is great. He's he to me was the best. But apparently they couldn't continue to work together as a unit.

He's a sex best.

No, he just apparently was not a good group member.

Like he was a lone wolf.

Yeah, he wasn't down to like put in the real work to like maintain the success that they were sort of growing.

With a voice like that, it's like, you can be you're not surprised that guy was never supposed to be in a group.

You're right, that stands alone. It's like Dennis A's But then it's like, what are you gonna do by yourself? Big dog? I don't want an hour of you just talking deeply.

Yeah, just an hour of breakdown.

Yeah.

It just didn't be like, hold on, girl, you're only doing bass, bro, you ain't never gonna do nothing else, all right.

I mean I like that guy, but shout out to the rest of the boys.

The one other, dude, have you ever seen them in concert? I haven't, but I have. I was performing. I used to open for for Daniel Tosh occasionally and he would perform at the same venue that Boys to Men would be yet, so so.

Like a double header situation.

Yeah, you know all those people who want to see both Daniel Tosh and then Boys to Men immediately after.

I bet you that ven diagram better than you think you think. So, I think it's more people. I think it's way more people.

You think there's a bunch of Tosh point oh heads who then and put on a fedora and.

Go his voice.

Because they were both huge.

Yeah, so there's gotta be more crossover than you think. I think that's fair because Boys to Men wasn't like a black phenomenon that was that was the country was.

And I will say to that point, so few people actually become real household names, where like my fucking dad would know who they are. And I think Tosh falls into that space. And in that way, it's like, yeah, if you see Tosh tickets, you didn't get Tosh tickets nature.

Just the size of it.

It's the same way that like, yeah, you wouldn't think that they're friends, but everybody knows John l Way and Shakira.

Now you you you stretched and you didn't reach nothing but.

The lights. Man.

There's a lot of pressure when I when the camera is not our computer, it changes everything I feel.

Yeah, doing the show with bottoms is way different. I'm just kidding.

David records every episode like Winnie the Pooh.

That would be crazy.

Honestly, it would be the funniest thing that you could have been doing this whole time if I got them. Yeah, just one time you get up and forget that your your butt ass naked on the bottom. That'd be hilarious.

Man, that would be the funniest way to show everybody what I'm working on.

Yeah, if you got to release like a public dick.

That's that's the way to worried about a lot. Like sometimes I just worry. Maybe it'd be good to get ahead of it, oh, like put it out there, like if somebody's gonna leak it later for money, maybe I do it for myself and then I can't be blackmailed in the future.

Well, I do remember when they installed our our cameras, those those fancier cameras that we have for the podcast. The guy who installed it. They give you that like thing to put over the lens, and he was very emphatic about being like, you should always keep this on when you're not recording. I was like, is it that big of an issue? And he was like, I wouldn't get caught out here, and I was like, WHOA, all right, and now I won't. I don't never not have it covered up.

Really. I don't asturbate to my laptop.

Though, No, but I be I'll be walking around changing, Oh, where's your laptop is in your bedroom? Yeah, it's in the bedroom, So I'll just be walking around in there right right, right, you know what I mean. And that's worse. I'd be fine if you catch me jerking off. That's me at my best, right.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I'm worried you're gonna catch me studying?

Ye Like, fuck? You want business not casual?

Yeah no, no, no, I get that. It's a game day, baby. We gotta be suited up.

See. And that's what I'm saying. That's why if I just I look at Kim Kardashian and I'm like, maybe I weak it, and then I don't have to worry about it ever again. Yeah. But if I control the narrative.

Well, I think the way you do it is you get ray J to leak it you want to you ain't gonna have zalt. You send it to ray J and be like ray J, Hey, ray J, tell everybody do what you do. J. You're a busy man, but come on, send this out to some folks, you know.

And I don't think wants to have sex with me.

No, I think I think it's probably feelings mutual.

I would. Yeah, I think we both I think we both don't want to have sex with Yeah, I don't think there are.

Some people who sort of feel very clearly in in sort of the the fluidity spectrum. And then there's ray J.

Yeah, he is hard.

That's the straightest man that's ever ever.

Yeah, it's like him, oh fucking Jim Brown. They're just like that.

They ain't even gonna kind of think about it once for a second in their lives.

I don't think if the thoughts never because I think most people the thoughts crossed your mind, Like what if I was into that? I don't think. I don't think not one day.

No, I think ray J has been at peace the whole time.

Yeah, he was always like, it's good for him.

Good for ray J for being that settled into his sexuality. He's like, I'm never gonna even kind of think about this ship.

But if I had one wish, and.

That is what that song is about, if he had He's like, I wish I could think about being gay.

If he could just escape the shade of masculinity.

The hellhole of of heteronormative behavior.

I don't know if we could handle a gay ray J. I first of all, he would have to switch it to gay J.

He'd have to legally.

That's what's on the table. It's hustling backwards if you don't.

I love this idea because it also suggests that if you ever became gay, you would have to be Gavid for some reason.

Yeah, and I yeah, it all works. I just know gay ray J. I think it's maybe too much power.

No, it's too much power. And I also think, uh, like for the love of ray J, but it was all dudes on that show. I also think it would do some pretty destructive things in the queer community, like J. Yeah, I don't think. I think whatever like progress they've been working towards ray J Woods, ray J would send them back quite a few years, Yeah, because he would still be ray J. He's still RAYJ, Like you can't take that. He's still got the weird promotions and yeah, he's still

That was one of the best things life. Yeah, they saw that on YouTube, like the whole thing. Yeah, I don't think I've watched a YouTube video.

More for our viewers who are unaware, there was a period in what was it like two thousand and six, It was a long time. It was a long time ago where Fabulous and ray J had some version of an altercation I think in a club or something like that.

It was in Vegas. Yeah, they had something, some altercation and then ray J called Hot ninety seven Yeah and just started lying.

Well, first of all, said like he had beat up Fabulous.

He said he just beat up Fabulous.

Yeah.

He was like, and now I gotta talk to y'all about it. Yeah. Yeah, And then that classic instinct as a man to punch somebody in the head and then call a radio station.

I don't remember he told he claimed that like he got arrested, and then he they were cops were walking in and the cops were like, is that your ghost and he was like, yeah, that's my ghost.

And then they let him free, let him get in his ghost like it was very he was lying.

They were like a man with that kind of car can't be held down.

Yeah, and then he was like what did he says like, I'll get my He was like, I'll get my niggas. Who white niggas to fuck him in the booty hole? My bad, my bad? Love? Who you want of love?

Yeeah?

Man see and imagine if he was actually one of those guys. Yeah, too much power now.

It's too much power, and he still would be threatening to have people sexually assaulted. And Brandy, the fact that she hasn't already really speaks to her character. I think, ye, she's really she's really held him down in a way that, uh, that she doesn't get enough credit for. We always bring up that murder that yeah, we had never been a good sister. Yeah, never being being just a loyal sister.

Yeah.

Sorry Brandy, Sorry, sorry, you don't you don't have the peace that you deserve.

But also I think a lot of it is because I can't separate Brandy for Molsha. Molisha was a bitch. Yeah, you remember how much of a bitch Mosia.

She was terrible. Now I will say her daddy wasn't ship.

Don't do that to Uncle Frank. Frank. Frank, no, no, no, no, no, no no.

Frank was a bad man. He was a success story. He owned a Saturn dealership, he sold cars and cheated on his wife. That was the one time. It was one time. There was there had to be more than one.

And you know it, and I know it. I don't like this.

This man pretended that that boy was his nephew for two decades and then was like, you're right.

Once they start running with the narrative is the problem. You make one mistake, you can't take it back. But you can't within that week be like, I'm sorry, guys, I know what I said. This is actually once it's gone, it's gone. You can't put that back. So you are a Frank Truther. Oh I'm a big Uncle Frank guy. WHOA, I'm an Uncle Frank guy. I'm an Uncle Phil guy.

Yeah, Uncle Phil and Uncle Frank are in different modes for me. But I hear you, come on, Uncle Phil, was that that's just a that's just the father figure we all dreamt of, right right, right, right, But Frank, I think I could have. I've seen those dads around town. A god, I didn't admire that.

I was just like, ah, yeah, Frank, we listen, agree to disagree? Should we get to Yeah, let's get to it. Nobody wants to hear about more casting couch stuff.

Unless you get that shirt off.

That would be a weird way to start this video podcast.

We're gonna take this is this is technically I guess a Langston and David episode, But we're gonna We're gonna be loose with it.

We're gonna, yeah, could happen.

We're gonna play with some emails. We're gonna we're gonna play with ourselves. Yeah, it seems like he's very sexual. Now, like we open that box. You gotta keep going.

Yeah, yeah, the lights are on.

What are you gonna do? Stay here? Shirt shirted?

I mean yeah, right, I got this cool Project Pat T shirt.

It is a good good shirt.

Thank you?

Is this is this like a company that you you've been rocking with or you just Yeah?

They also got I don't I don't know the name of it, but they they they they advertised to me on Instagram. It's like a lot of like Project Pat nostalgia. They got me, Like, I got some shirts that I'm gonna wear on the tour.

Door.

Come out and see us if you want to see all my cool t shirts.

I bought a weird pull up thing that you attach and it works, but it also is like embarrassing to attach it and then reattach it or detach it, and every morning I kind of have to because you can't shut your door when it's attached, right, So it's just like this weird and.

You leave everything open and like besides the front. Yeah, yeah, wow, I don't you never seen my It's like I got like an open I live in a lots. It's like an open limb. But yeah, I don't. I don't I do, girl, Yeah, I don't shut doors in my house. Yeah it's just me.

I don't know.

Man.

Even when I live by myself, I shut every door.

Really.

I shut my bedroom door, I would shut h I'd shut the bathroom door when I was shitting and all that. You lived alone and you closed the door when you pooped, Yeah, man, anybody could come in here.

No, that's why you live alone.

Who's but your front doors locked? When you're in hotel rooms, you don't shut the door to the bathroom.

Yeah.

My worst nightmare is a lady knocking and saying housekeeping, and I my door is open and my my butt is full of poop, and now and now I gotta address.

Whatever that is.

What she knocks, you just say no, thank you. Yeah, but you know how they knocked. They knocking their already halfway in the door. What happened to you? I'm probably abuse, but I don't have time to unpack it here.

This is a level of on guard that I I guess I don't live with.

Yeah, I live, I live constantly nervous. Okay, that makes sense things happening. I'm I'm I'm probably too much the opposite. I'm like, I keep it. I play this thing a little too fast and loose. Yeah, shut the door two? Yeah, yeah, no, I might have to close some shit down because come on, man, it's an apartment. It ain't like a vault.

You but I got a call back, it's a it's a call box building.

Yeah. But if somebody's in there and they get into your your apartment, you're fucked. Who's coming in? What are you talking no murderers? Uh, ray J's people. Anybody could come that would be fucked up. See, I know, I'm not gonna live in fear like this.

I don't like it. I'm not gonna live in.

I don't want you to be afraid. I want you to be safe. I'm the front door locked, okay, and then I can poop with the door. I watched the video today of someone demonstrating how you can break into hotel rooms even when that like latch thing is on, and it truly was just them putting rubber band, a rubber band on some duct tape they like put the push their hand. They opened the door long enough to put their hand to duct tape the tape on the ship.

We have different algorithms.

I mean I didn't, yeah, but I did watch that and go and part of the video was them being like, this is why you always bring your own lock, and I was like, I don't know how I would do that. Yeah, I have no clue. Now I just live in fear, but I definitely am living.

Life. Yeah.

How many times has anybody just come in like that to the hotel room?

Yeah? Never? But did you hear that story? What about when you lived alone? How many times when you were pooping? Did anybody just come into your apartment? Never? Never? Once? Right?

So, I look, fear is not rooted in experience always, It's rooted in the possibilities.

Right. Okay, okay, did you see that?

Did you read that article that came out it's probably a few months ago now about the man who stayed at a hotel room overnight and then woke up to the hotel manager sucking his toes. No, well then, well then, buddy, there are things to be afraid of that you're not considering. Do you know what I'm saying? That's a nightmare.

That is a nightmare.

That is it's a literal nightmare.

I don't I don't want to take away from that. It's very scary to wake up and some bro Armenian dude is sucking on your big toe. That's weird.

Imagine the idea that you then have to go forward in your life and decide whether you're going to tell your friends and your family, what happened to you? Or live with that just pressed down in your spirit forever and always.

Yeah, that would be I mean, that's gonna kill you. No, I do a ton of things that nobody would ever know about it. I don't think I would tell you.

Yeah, but this wasn't You didn't do this. This was done to you, big dog. There was a man sucking your toes and you didn't kill him.

It's also like, I don't think I have the toes. That's some strange man.

Would I mean, I'm optimistic and be like, yikes, brother, you're being optimistic. I bet he pulled back them sheets and be like, oh exotic numb, numb numb. Oh yeah, I don't want It's fucked up out here, So lock your doors and shut your bathroom. I don't like me. Yeah, No, I don't like it either. I'm a bad guy.

Anyways, should we should we? Let's get into it because I don't want. I don't want to know what the articles you read are. I feel like that's just a tip of the thing.

It gets more fucked up as we go along. All my articles are like, you won't believe what Ice Spice did it?

Rolling loud.

I bet it's I bet I didn't. I bet that's I bet that's the main thing she does.

I can figure it out.

We got an email from a person that that asked to be known as M Philosophy.

How does that sit with you? It was like a black Hebrew is real.

It feels like he's like, it's not. It's not the other guys in philosophy, but M Philosophy said, Hello, gents, I would like to be addressed as in philosophy. If this is read on the pop my first phenomenal job to both of you on consistently hilarious show. Hopefully this email can add to that legacy. Now that the platitudes are out of the way. Yeah, I must get down to the business at hand. So how do you hear business correctly?

This guy? Yeah, they ain't do No, that one doesn't even save time.

No, it's just you just felt like being cool.

Yeah, you just don't understand how words word. I get it.

It does sound like that, but spell it right, But h M philosophy, he says, So here is the theory CEP time, commonly known as color People's time, Color People's time. So not as smart as we thought. In philosophy does not exist. I want to be clear that I am not speaking out of turn. As I am an African, an American Negro. I'llbe it a first generation West African Negro, but a Negro nonetheless. Yeah, that's your team.

It's not about teams like, hey, it is for me.

I assure you I don't. I don't put on your jersey.

Damn not hurts. Also, what a teleg reveal? What a what a real understanding of where is diasporically?

Yeah? No, I get over there and I say, pish posh, give me. They go on to say time is being controlled by by big time. Big Time comprises of a global all that sets time and keeps time norms the right things. George Soros is a boogeyman, while these big time guys are faceless, nameless and controlling us. Also, where do you think the phrase that guy is big time

Man. I love conspiracies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why we do this.

I want to go with this one. So bad people are just laid a lot, man, Man, we've all done it. I was late to this, man, I.

Was late yesterday, Yeah, yeah, and then the day before in Seattle. Like we're just all kind of late sometimes.

Yeah.

I want this to be true. I want there to be a big global cabal sort of working against our timeliness. But but I will say that it so far it feels a little hard to buy into so long as we are accepting the standardized measure that the cabal has set. Now, if you tell me that the way that we've measured time in a grander sense is being controlled by these nameless, faceless sort of like monsters in the sky, I agree with that that, like the Earth being however many million

But I don't believe before Christ or after yeah, yeah, whatever the D stands for?

No?

Yeah, what does the D stand for? The monarchy?

Yeah?

After now, b before current?

It was like after the Devil and then before Christ.

I don't know, it's something like that. We should know that you're a poet.

Yeah, but that we don't study that. What do you Also, BC isn't technically before Christ. I don't think. I think that some weird Christian ship that we did. I think A D and B and Olivia. I feel like you're looking it up already, like that. She's texting her goddamn husband, saying, send me that meat, not magic, send me some meat. These boys won't stop talking about Jesus Christ. I'm trying

Yeah, so he gets it.

I want you to get confused. I don't want to see all of it. Uh it's what do you do you.

Meaning in the Year of the Lord.

So b C is before Christ.

It is the.

Which was before the com era to make it less religious, but I think it's the same demarkation.

It's still so it's always Jesus is the measure, and it's just whether or not we acknowledge Jesus. What's the question at hand? Who?

This might sound crazy? Uh?

Oh, when was Mohammad in relation to Jesus? I think before, right, how did.

He miss that?

Although big missed for them? God right, it's all the God of Yeah, he's after because because he's way after, the Quran acknowledges Jesus this is existence. He's not He's not not mentioned in it. He's just not that sick of a dude. Yeah, he was a cool guy and we we liked what he was saying, but he wasn't like a savior.

Yeah, if if you're asking me, that's Islam's first miss, not knocking down that calendar.

They could have got time.

Yeah, that's like a real big loss. It's really like that nine to eleven or like their two biggest fuck yeah.

Everything else et. I mean they've done a pretty good jobs world wide.

I just mean those two things, those things really said him back.

Damn Yeah, damn Yeah, y'all got Dave Chappelle. You just should have gotten uh gotten time.

Got Dave Chappelle. Got what I assume it's pretty much most of Philadelphia most to be playing with.

Yeah, a lot of prison Yeah yeah, ever prisoners are doing good, they're playing with you.

Yeah, yeah, no, they're represented. But if they had locked down time.

If they would have been like man before Mohammad.

Yeah, I wish that time was invented by colored people, because then it probably then we'd be on w PT WHOA.

Then that would we'd be thick of them showing up on time because I am don't come to my house. The basketball game starts at seven. Don't be there at six fifteen. Don't be that guy.

Come on, man, Yeah, don't look. You knew, Come on, you knew I wasn't fully ranky.

God, I was gonna have pants on. Yeah, yeah, an hour before people are supposed to come.

I'm truly not pulling out any of this food until the moment someone walks through my door.

I'm gonna order it when five people have already gotten.

Yeah, because I don't know how much I'm actually supposed to order. How many wings? I just gotta guess. Yeah, I got a hope that everybody's gonna show up. Yeah, no on.

You know how many times have been chastised by Windstop for trying to take shit back.

I'd rather check myself before. I rather myself a good You can't bring back used wings. Yeah, this worked.

Just eat the fucking cellar and I'm like, I did not order.

I didn't know what I didn't know it is that you put that in there, and I feel I shouldn't have to pay.

Bullshit.

You're saying this complimentary, but I've seen the up charges. Yeah no, no, no, throwing a couple of thigh bites that they go on to say, time is broken into fifteen minute intervals. When you meet people, it can be at ten fifteen or ten thirty, et cetera. I've yet to meet anyone of African descent that can actually adhere to these fifteen minute intervals. They are either five minutes yeah, you will be both, he says, they are either five minutes early or ten minutes too late. Meeting for brunch

Yeah, I hate Canada. Yeah, time is clapping on the on the one and the three. Yeah, it's music, it's the one. This is James Brown. Okay, yeah, I keep going though. This is exciting, uh, he says.

Furthermore, time is constructed in a way different way than the people of African descent perceived time. A couple of blown dinner reservations, no big deal. But I have a great I have a greater concern. Whomever controls time controls means of production. Frankly, what could we be doing with all of this non access time? It is time, no pun intended for us to reclaim our time. Thanks guys, and keep up the great work.

No, I don't know what you mean by that.

I think it started like at first it made sense, yeah, and then I got lost around when I hit the air horn.

I do think that that if what he's suggesting is true, it is sort of the controlling of sort of like rhythms, right, That like choosing ten fifteen, by his suggestion, is rhythmically not in line with the way that black people function in the world, And that if instead they would choose ten twenty as a meeting time or ten forty as a meeting time, we are more likely to in fact be on time for the meeting experience whatever.

It is off that twelve hour hour o' clock that they invented. Right, So yeah, so why would that be that much different?

I think if if he I.

Think this might be a sneaky, stupid guy.

Yeah, I think if we're if we were to blow this out a little bit more, I think the argument would be that we can't control the structure that's already been put in place, which also does not jet well with the way we measure time. But given what we do already have to play the ball we have to play with, there are still ways we could be more advantaged in the time conversation.

But what I'm saying is that if he understands what the rhythm is, and let's say it's off kilter, right like, let's say it's straight up and down for white people are shits like this, If it's a matter of ten minute differences, why wouldn't you just shift your whole life around that? Right? Why would not?

Like it seems like if he on understands the rhythm of it and where our natural paces, wouldn't you just be able to set your pace to that? Because I think for the most part, I don't think people would freak out if you were like, oh, I don't want to meet at ten thirty, Let's meet at ten seventeen. I don't think it would make enough difference to other people for you to adjust your life.

In that way.

For the most part, I hear you, but I or just early this shit. Then I usually worry, right, I actually worry that that if we were if I were to go to a white executive in any space, let's.

Tell the truth Entertainment, he's talking to you Netflix, if I were to go again blexit doesn't want to go again.

I don't know who I'm talking to. Listen, there's a lot of good people on both sides, fine people. Now, seriously, these strikes are wow stop.

Yeah. But also i'd like a special But I do think that that.

If we're being honest and your team, your people set you at tipe do that, No, you're out, Your team sets a time for ten thirty, and you go, you go, nah, tell them I want ten forty. It would get weird. But if it's the same on the left or the right, then why don't you just show up at ten twenty, because because then you're just sitting on a zoom for ten minutes just staring into a void.

But you're still gonna be at your optimal where you're gonna be off killed. I'd eat that ten minutes to be optimal as opposed to just being you know what I'm saying. It seems like there's like the swing on. It seems too slight to me for this to make any sense, right.

I don't know that I am super bought into the ten five to ten minute difference that would trans form our lives. I do think, if we're again, if we blow this out a little bit, I think the larger point is that that the measurement of time and the way that we approach time is Caucasian in its root.

You're very good at hand signals to make me want to agree with you do like Obama hands sometimes, and then I find myself.

Bill Clinton is what I'm aiming for. I did not, But no, I do think that there there might be some logic to the fact that, like when we think about time and space and all of these things, they are set. The standard is set based off of a white Jesus Christ. It is not based off of the actual Jesus Christ who was probably.

Some sort of an Arab man.

Yeah, he was brown. He was little and brown and didn't look nothing like the sex little.

Yeah.

I think he had to be little because everybody was little back then. They were malnourished. And I don't think he was littler than the others. Oh No, I think he was like average height for them. I think he was like a cool five to two. I don't think he was like a center, but yeah, no, but like a power forward. Do you think power forward?

I think he could be that tall.

I always thought of Jesus as a shooting guard.

Whoa what?

Yeah?

Whoa?

Really? Jesus was always a shooting guard to me. Maybe a point guard if I'm being I mean we could meet in the middle there, I get the point guard is smaller than the shooting guard. You never thought of Jesus like low post. You thought of him like banging in the post. Yeah, whoa? Yeah, I don't even feel like he seems like a finesse guy. His his presumed height.

Five f five. What a fucking sweat.

Ship Jesus would a guy? No? What some short stacks? If you got some? Why you make you so little? Call your daddy and asked for a couple more inches.

Yeah, why don't you die for six feet?

Hey, hey, before you hang him up, put him on a little cross. Don't waste the woody. Hey, we don't need the big nails with this guy.

Wait, can you how Mohammad was?

I don't know that they can do that, right, They no, But I'm saying they can't list how tall Mohammad is. You can't draw his picture, you can't document him in any way. You can't also be like, I'll describe him as as six foot three with bulging Yeah, that's kind of I felt like Mohammad's got like two inches on me. I definitely think Muhammad was taller than Jesus was.

Yeah, right, okay, we can agree with that. Yeah, and that's what and that's what they need to do in the Middle East. We need to start there.

Let's all agree Jesus was shorter than Mohammad, and the new yet to be named Savior probably gonna be the tallest one of all.

Okay, the Jews probably get the tallest one. Whoa, just because everybody's taller. Now, like you said, yeah, yeah, and you would.

You imagine this person as a tall person.

I think that if the Messiah came back today and he was as tall as Kevin Hart, it would not work.

It wouldn't work.

Like if the Messiah couldn't even get pussy on Tinder, no one's gonna you know what I mean.

Yeah, Kevin Hart's had to work really hard to make up for the fact that he is five to two.

That's what I'm saying. So I think it like just the way that we're set up now. Yeah, I think if I think if the if, if the Massiah was gonna come back today, I think I think he had to be a pretty tall guy. Yeah, I think probably like six six three, just like I don't think. I don't think, at least in this country. I don't think we accept anything.

Here's a big question. Do you think he can come back sexy? Because there there's a.

Ough man that's a that's a very good question because I've said it before a lot of times. I think the Devil is sexy.

I think very sexy.

I think God can be. I want to he can be. The Messiah can be handsome, but not movie star. He's gotta be like a guy, you know, handsome. Yeah, you know Jim from the Office. Yeah, that's is handsome. He can't be any more handsome.

And not even John Krasinsky, because John Krasinsky like then transformed his body Office two Seasons, Ship, bad Hair.

No, watch on.

No, he's gonna take his shirt off and it ain't gonna gross you out. But there's nothing that like makes you go damn.

Yeah, there's no damn on his body. No, damn. I think it's just gotta be a he's gotta be like a hot like a seven point five. Yeah, he's clean, he's in good shape, smells decent. Yeah, do smell amazing, Like you know what I'm saying, Like, you're not like damn, he's neutral. Yeah, you don't hug him, and you're like damn, what is that? But you also are not afraid to hug him.

Yeah, it's got it. It's like a soft lavendery.

It's almost like you smell the soap from the clothes body.

Yeah, he's he uses tide, Yeah, and you can smell the tide, but it is exactly yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I see that. That makes sense, right.

Yeah, I don't think Jesus can come back sexy.

I watched That's you can be tall not sexy.

Yeah, I watched that documentary about Justin Bieber's pastor, about.

Oh He'll saw song Man.

I situated.

I haven't talked about this. I'm in deep. Yeah, are you that?

It was very crazy?

Yea?

And honestly, Justin Bieber's pastor is not the worst guy in in that not even close to Like. No, I think he kind of was into God. He just loved Yeah, he loves cyd pussy and like cool backpacks.

Yeah.

But I think part of the problem that eventually got him caught up was he was too sexy. You can't be that hot and be an actual leader.

The vanity is gonna take over again, because if you're that hot, you don't want to waste it. I don't care what any hot person says. If you're that sexy, if you got d'angelo's poppy, yeah, you're not gonna waste that on just your wife and your congregation.

He was taking shirtless pictures with Justin Bieber. There's no world where that's not to get pussy.

Yeah. No, his his fucking abs looked like a helicopter was supposed to land on them.

You was shiny, and he's white. They don't get shiny. Yeah.

No, he was greased.

They're not even shiny.

He was greased, and then he thought if he put on glasses, it would make us take him like, treat him like a scholar.

And it's like, Nah, Doug, listen, I've been thinking about that. I saw you had those, and then when I was at the Dakrey Bar, my buddy gave me some fake glasses. I'm thinking about we.

Get some fake glasses.

It's a pretty cool move. Yeah.

I think war B Parker was a sponsor for three minutes on this podcast.

We always still have a what do you tell them? When do you have to say? I just want like the ones you have. I don't need a prescription.

Here's how you do it. You say I want blue light lenses.

Oh, that's all you got.

That's all you get because that's for the screens and ship blue blockers. Well, yeah, that's I think where that word comes from. Users, are your glasses blue blockers? No, blue blockers are a brand.

Oh I don't know what I'm saying.

Blue blockers are those big, old, thick ones that your grand m I used to wear because the sun. They had convinced old people late at night that the sun was was going to be the thing that killed them. And so they got these big old thick glasses. Okay, but the ones for TV and screams. You just say the blue light lenses, blue light lenses, and then you can get and then you get whatever.

They just know, if you see me outside Gucci blue lights, don't say anything.

Don't work my boy. He's got a lot of screen time. You gotta protect his eyes.

That's all. Man. That's a whole new meal with glasses. Might start selling weed again.

WHOA, that's a step backwards.

I think how we're gonna do it the direction.

Unless you're gonna turn into and turn your ship into a dispensary. This feels like a step we're not having forward.

We don't. I didn't say where I got you, So that's what are we talking about? Uh?

Selling weed at high schools. I think that is where because kids don't know the prices. They don't know and they can't go to a dispensary to find out.

I remember when I was a kid, I used to pay people like ten bucks for affording keep the change.

The question of time being controlled by the white devil does not feel fully false to me. Now they doesn't see the advantage I don't think that that's actually gonna make black people show up on time ever.

No, I mean I think that I believe in CPT, Like I just don't. I think CPT though as far as it relates to like, I think other people are just not as time Nazis because they're not is money obsessed like this whole time is like you know what I mean, when time becomes a commodity and that way, then I think that's when people get to be like but like, I don't agree with this one.

I don't.

I also don't think that people are different in the way that like time would affect it. Although white people do objectively age terribly, say more so time is beating that ass.

Yeah yeah, because they're collecting all the.

Time, right, Maybe that's what happens. That's a symptom of hoarding time.

Yeah, you just like you just have it all pressed into you at once, and it like just fucking eats you alive.

Yeah, side because like me personally, I was born in sixty eight, like.

The mandosh, Yeah, man, I'm fifty eight years old. It makes you look so much better. No, I mean, because why is that? Why are they aging so bad?

Yeah? I mean some of kids kill them.

Some of what we've we've talked about on this podcasts is a possibility that that white skin also is not in fact indigenous to this earth, that that they are they are not built for for the world that we currently live in, and and they are in fact the aliens that descended upon the planet, and and that is why the sun is poisonous to them and all of that. I don't know, it does feel, I mean, although lately I've been having a lot of black.

People tell me to wear sunscreen.

Mmmm.

It's like it never used to be a thing. What do you think that is, pussy? I don't know, but it never used to like it used to be like a given and now it's.

Like very a given that none of us were. Yeah, and now it it feels fairly frequently people are like coming, do you think that some of it it was just a given because of ego, that like we were all like intect green, that like we're not going to fold to sunscreen, And then at some point we did, and now everybody's being more honest that we do in fact need it sometimes. I mean, I've never had a sunburn, but you, I think are respectfully if you.

Say, African booty scratch, walk it out, because like respectively, you are a tar baby, you are from the mud, no truly a charcoal brikett of amount.

I would say that you are.

You are pretty far on the dark side of the spectrum, right.

That's why I'm saying I don't think people are saying, even me, my friend, she's an esthetician, She's like, even you, you should be wearing sunscreen.

But I have seen and you probably have seen more of it. I've seen dark skinned people in the African sun who have like those dark splotches right where like the sun has beat their ass. It just doesn't burn the same way that like white skin, does you know what I mean? Like you see all those like old grandma's like my mom lives in Ghana. There's a bunch of like older ladies in that community who have like

Yeah, I mean, And do you and you're saying you think that sunscreen would have prevented that.

I think that sunscreen, certainly, it would have flowed slow some of what's happening to them.

I mean it might partially be ego, because now if I'm telling you how my gut is feeling, I want to fight.

Sure, yeah, Like I don't like no, no, no, even my hands ready to Yeah.

I don't like insinuating that there's some situation where I need some special extra loces outside protect Like it makes me like my hands are up because I feel off gonna ma me right right right?

So I mean, yeah, there could be some ego to it. Yeah, I do want to check in. You can't see him, Hons Hans, do you wear sunscreen?

I definitely had the ego thing where I thought, for a long time I didn't have to, yeah, and I would be like, no, I got brown skin, I don't burn, But then I started burning, and now I sometimes wear sunscreen.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I think you guys have to repeat into the mic. I don't know how much they can hear me.

Okay, I don't want to Yeah, no, it was fine.

We can cut this part, but it is.

Excuse me for trying to involve the room.

So Hons didn't show up too good. So what you guys, miss Hans said, I ain't know, bitch.

He.

Said, suck my dude, bitch.

Yeah, I mean listen, man, how so you wear sunscreen?

Not often wed, but but if we're doing a beach day, IM gonna put some on. If we're like if I'm in Vegas and we're like hitting the pools and ship.

Yeah, some on. Okay, I'm gonna burn.

It's a bottle last year a long time because I'm not using it very often. Okay, okay, and my daughter is yeah, well yeah yeah, Wait a minute. And then I was starting to feel like I'm an alien? What do you mean my skin does what everybody's skin does?

You known' tan?

You don't get any tanner?

Nigga? What are you talking?

I don't know. You could get darker than this, can I yeah, you ain't Jim in hunt suit. It could get it could get darker.

Yeah, No, I don't tan at all. No, it's damn I'm all one color too. I'm not even splotchy. Really no, Yeah, you're consistent. You just see my dick. I'm serious.

A cast I mean yeah, no, my min First of all, my penis is darker than I am. Really am much darker.

Wow.

I And it's not I haven't thought about it, but I would not have thought that what you you would have thought consistent. Yeah, just topped to bottom the way down.

Yeah, yeah, weird.

I think white guys in general crazy.

Yeah.

The their dicks are different colors than than their everything else.

If that's what it takes to tick over the world, I don't.

Oh purple huh, them things look nuts.

God gave you red hair and a graat dip.

Yeah, I think whatever that that white guy jean is uh deep inside of me. If I were to do, you get like a farmer's tan, Like if you if I took my shirt off right now, My neck and my chest are very different colors right now.

Yeah. Yeah, we all have a cross. I have hair on my shoulders.

It's not like it's I'm mostly hairless really on the top and then the bottom. I'm like, I'm like one of those mythical goats.

See I'm weird because I don't have like really any leg hair or anything. It doesn't start to the way stuffed. Really.

Yeah, we opposite.

Yeah, that's interesting. We make one full outfit.

We make one full bigfoot.

Yeah, man, your bottom in my top. That's a weird dude.

Come on, man, that guy don't know how to socialize. No, he's also non structurally. So, sir, you're gonna fall over. Let us get you a rascal scooter.

Man.

You can't living like this.

Something gone terribly wrong.

So you're you're not at all bought into the idea of that time is in fact a white construct.

I think it's a white construct. Do I think there's some alternate timeline that we exist on that would be more optimal to us? No, I don't think so, because it's still it's just a thing we made. It's just a form of measurement we made. It's like, it's the same way that I don't feel like we're at a disadvantage for not being metric, other than it's harder to consume to convert, you know what I'm saying. It's just it's a measurement. It's not like I don't I don't think.

Yeah, I think I would be more bought into it being sort of like this this very clear racial divide if we had our separate calendar, like our separate.

Like they had drop.

If and Mohammed. If you're listening, you fucked up. But I do think if we had our own fucking clock and and that that would be dope.

If black Americans got it, we got our.

Own national anthem. Yeah, now we need our own clock.

We're gonna meet. We're gonna meet downtown at cool thirty spelled with a K. I'll see you at Jazz fifteen. I haven't eaten since Whitney Houston seventeen.

That would be fun. That'd be great if we could pick twelve. We gotta make up our clock, and so in philosophy, I think that is that is where we would challenge you.

Is well, No, let me step in and say, look out for my mama told me clock coming soon.

That's fair. We sell our own clock. Ye, fuck you in philosophy, Yeah, you planted the seed and we're running with it and we are not cutting you in on the deal. I want a little bit.

I want nine o'clock to be with me like this, and then you can pick whatever and you do whatever you want. I just want nine o'clock. That's a good one.

I want midnight to be that meme of that lady who's been down after that long day on the show.

Oh that's a good man night, that's a good mid night. I think six should just be an air force one m because anything could happen. Yeah, yeah, it's already.

This could be socializing hours, So this could be I'm gonna jump your your uncle hours.

Yeah.

It's a half black, half white air Force psychopaths.

Yeahs, yeah, yeah.

People don't talk about that enough because the Black Air Force one obviously is a fighting shoe.

It is.

It is objectively a shoe of violence and chaos.

Yeah.

But and the White Air Force one is more a shoe of celebration and jubilance. Yeah, jubilance. I think that's a great word for it. But the Black and White Air Force one is truly a murderer. That is a a peerror, like just evil sent out into the world on a foot.

I just made some Nike customs.

And I do not take back what I said. There's no part of it that wants to to reassess it or review. Were talking black with the white checks, I'm talking. Remember there was the air Force one that was the mid Oh no, no, black and white. That's yeah, that's crazy, that's the crazy.

That's yeah. No, that's like, yeah, you're gonna eat a human. Yeah, okay, we're in agreement. Yeah that emits cut the MIDS out. Yeah, you gotta make a choice. Are you taking take it low?

But make a choice.

It's not Scottie Pippot and some mids the other day on Instagram and I was like, that's why she's not coming back.

I see why all these bad things are happening.

Idiot.

You know what makes Scotty said though, it was like, yeah, a part of you wonders can he afford the cooler ones or they just get the those because those are in his budget. It's so bad Scotti is not doing good for him.

I was.

I was rooting for Scottie. I was never against Scotty, but I was always rooting for Even during the documentary went in, you know the documentary below, they tried to play him out, played him out hard, and I remember there was like a large swath of the Internet that was sort of like very actively being like, man, fuck Scottie pipping. He was being a bitch. Yeah, which, come on, Michael, you gonna why just let Scotti be? Come on happy man, he's.

A grown man called Scotty. You haven't done enough. He came to the league as Scott Pippin Jr.

He also named his son Scotti, but spelled it differently than his Scotti.

That's a man who's underwater. Come on.

His name is spelled with the I E. His son's name is spelled with a y. That's complicated, you know what I mean.

It's funny because Scotty and I don't. I don't know why I will. I don't know why I feel this way. Yeah, Scotty with the I.

E seems like a girl's name.

Oh and then why to me seems like a boy.

Why is the boy's name? Yeah, just like Bobby, same same rules. I don't know that I can undo so much of what he was in my childhood from Chicago to make that connection.

From Yeah I wasn't in Chicago.

Yeah you weren't. You didn't grow up, I had no love. There used to be a sports drink for kids that Scottie Pippen made called Zipping' with Pippin uh and and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a big fan. Is it discontinued? Yeah? I don't think they could sell it back then. I think it was poison.

I wonder if we could get it like a case of zipping with if there's got a case and do like a vintage Zipping with Pippen Tasting, bro would you I.

Would do I would do it every episode. I would end everyone drink it by saying and now for our and our weekly Zipping with Pippin tasting this week, Uh it's it's Scotty strawberry.

I bet that the flavor.

I don't know, some dumby probably. There's no way it was inventive.

You know what I mean. I bet you we could find some zipping with.

It's it's a it's a hard drink to come by, I think. But I bet, I bet there's an eBay. I bet, I mean, if you can.

Somebody's got somewhere, somewhere in a basement in Chicago, somebody's sitting.

On like a case as they were like this coming back. It's coming back, and I'm about to go crazy.

They all laughed at me. They said, Jerome, why are you buying?

Just by the kid.

It's never gonna laugh.

No, I'll have my day. Look at everybody looking it up. Everybody's trying to figure out slamming jam and strawberry. That sounds right, Yeah, okay, okay, how much for a case? That's that's the problem. It's it's hard to come by.

Damn. It was a rare.

It had like a I feel like like a three year window. Yeah, there's a commercial, that's right, that's right. No, he had a sports drink dog look at that, and he and we were drinking that because Scottie Pippen in our eyes had not been tainted.

No, you didn't know what was gonna happen.

I didn't know Future was gonna fuck his wife.

Future didn't know. I bet your future knew.

Future was drinking. Future was drinking a zipping with pipping and being like, I'm a fuck this man's wife. This tastes so good, I'm gonna fuck his wife.

That's back what he was called meat man. You know what I like. I was an all sport guy. You remember all sport? It was like carbon It was like a sports drink, but it was carbonated. That's not what sports drinks. No, it was insane.

You don't remember all I don't remember all all sports.

We should get it. We should get an all sports. Yeah, I bet they got some of that. WHOA.

So it was Gatoray but with bubbles in it.

I think it was made by Coca Cola company. If I'm not, it's like I want to say it's like pre Frutopia, right, I think it was before Frutopia. Yeah, because Frutopia was one I liked for a while.

Toutopia had a little run.

Yeah yeah, yes, for it was if you were bohemian.

Oh yeah, Frutopia was like cool.

Yeah, it was for the hippie.

Yeah, you had to really prefer Fruitopia.

Like all the kids you drank Fruitopia went on to smoke weed like the next year it was a Fruitopia was for sure gateway smoking.

Yeah.

It's like now you're your parents are should have seen the sun. Yeah yeah, it was like you got you got some Fruitopia. Maybe you start listening to Bob Marley a little louder. Yeah, morganized sports keep walking in the house and saying waguan, hey man, hey man, You're.

Not from there. Stop you stop calling it. So I think it.

Sounds like we're in agreement. I think in philosophy, while we certainly do subscribe to the possibility that that time is not a construct invented by black and brown people, it is not necessarily one that is continuing to be weaponized against us, as much as we just ain't really got a solid hold of it. The way that we should and nobody loves the time.

Yeah, Like I think it speaks to that more of just like a culture be more relaxed about that.

And I do think that's great. That's a good leaving point for us. Is like, at the end of the day, white people got to chill the fuck out about time. Yeah, it's not that we can't handle the time that exists. Y'all just are being real stringent about the ship in a way that's annoying and not fun. Yeah, it's like I I plan my days out as much as the next person, but you Yeah, there's a little wiggle wrong. Yeah, come on, why we gotta start right at the time that we said.

I hate it when you do it, like you're doing like events or something, or you go somewhere all white people and then they're just like this is this is this today? They're like, I'm here because I'm not a work I might do seven things today.

I might do too. Yeah, I was hoping not to look at an itinerary.

Yeah, yeah, I'm in the pool. Don't tell me it's time to get out. Don't ever tell me it's time to get out of the pool.

That's fair.

I hate that shit.

I'm not all No, I'm in the pool. I'm not an all day pool kind of guy, which means that you definitely don't need to tell me when we leave in the pool, because I'll get out right, but I'm not. I'm not gonna overstay my welcoming. I might. I might. You're an all day guy.

I mean I'm like, get out, get a drink or hang out. I'll dry off completely deep prune and then yeah, I'll go back in if I want to.

Same with that.

The beach man, I go fuck a beach up all day.

You'll sit in the sun at the beach, y'all go in the water, or like lay down and put the towel.

Over my face.

I get too hot?

Really, is that sun burning here? Yeah?

I can't.

All right, that's that's okay.

Goddamn devil blood. Do you do you bring an umbrella? We have like beach umbrellas. I'm like bringing personal ones. No, No, I mean, you're not a fucking movie powder and I'm not a freak. Yeah, like a lord of a lady from the hundreds. You go like a parasol going there. Yeah, I just will have some beach umbrellas and Okay, but even under the umbrellas. Not just I get Here's the other thing. I just get bored. I'm not a beach guy.

I get that.

I get real bored just sitting there. I like to walk.

I like to move, like walk along the ocean.

I'll do that. I'll do anything besides just sit in one place for hours and call that a good time.

You never like sit and just take in the majesty of the ocean and the size of it. Okay, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's like different struckts.

Noah, Yeah, I don't. Yeah, it's like I don't say that majestic to me.

Oh man, It's like it's like jaw dropping. It freaks me out sometimes and you'll just sit and look at it. If I'm by myself, I'm like, I'm not I'm not a psychopath. I'm like out with people. I'm aware of what's going you know what I mean. But like, yeah, I can look I can just look at but I also detect. I also just sometimes will just like walk around for hours and not really know what's called, you

We played for different teams.

Yeah, apparently.

Uh but but I think we did it.

I think this is we did something.

We talked for a while, We talked for a long time.

That is pretty good.

Most of it's useless, but the parts of it really we're gonna cut those up and turn it into something valuable.

Yeah, there's probably one of all that Jesus stuff was great.

Do you want to do? You want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool ship you have?

You can find me a cool guy joke City seven on Instagram. I'm going on the Aluminum Foil tour. You can check out all those dates that bring davidplate dot com and uh no, I can't promote anything because you know.

Yeah, same man, And even if I could, I don't have much to tell you about it at this point. But but we are on tour. I don't even know if this is going to be useful for for that timing, but if it is, you better come see us.

Yeah and make pictures. Don't cut me out, you bitch. Somebody cut Yeah, I said it.

Somebody cut David out of a picture at our Seattle show and it was maybe one of the most unnecessary and mean things that they could take a picture with me. It's really crazy because we weren't even standing next to each other the whole time, So you could have just tapped me and been like, yo, I want a picture with you. I don't care if he's in it, and that would have been fine, fine, nobody would have felt any kind of way. But you were like, nah, I'm

And you know what it works.

So congrats to you redacted, because I'm not going to say your name, even though I know it, I'll never fucking forget it.

Its stealed in his mind.

God damn it.

It was real mean, But I'm glad you didn't cut me out. And and if you don't want to cut me out, you can. You can find me at Langston Kerman on Instagram and TikTok. I guess I don't know where the fuck ah god uh. And and more importantly, if you want to send us your own drops, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories if you want to prove to us that that time was in fact once measured based off Mohammad's life and then