H2O-mosexual: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

What does mean something is it's a motherfucking mini episode, and that means we're diving into your bullshit, your shenanigans, the stuff. I can't wait to hear what ship you've come up with this week, you son of a bit, you fucking idiot, you fucking you're a scoundrel. I bet you went to school in the Portabules. I bet, I bet you went to school in the borders and you didn't even take a hard, hard major and you probably

studied something easy and yeah, can meet mass communications. That's that's you know, had a mask calm degree and be a radio fucking DJ. David good good eye done about. I don't know why I can't find a job because it's a useless degree, fun base because nobody cares about exercise technology. Just get a trainer certificate like the rest of us. You Jesus Christ, we'll give you. I'll give my money to a buff guy to make me buff.

I don't need to know about the paperwork. I don't need to know that you went to school to make me buff. Just make me buff. You didn't have to go to school. You got buff. That's the one requirement. That's the only thing I've ever cared about. With the buff guys yelling at me, is on to your buff guy tricks. Well this derailed quickly. Yeah, that's got crazy. Yeah it got out of hand. But you know what didn't get out of hand is is today is a

mini episode. We got an email from a listener who wanted to to express their their personal conspiracy theories or share at least a conspiracy theory they seem to be somewhat invested in. And this one comes to us from a person whose name. Their name is Dogon, their name is Dogan. Dogan sent us a message uh d o g o n. But at the end they made it very clear. It's pronounced d o e dash g a w n. Oh yeah yeah, dog On no no, no, I think it's classy. Dog on muscles, buff am I paying.

I'm sick of looking like this. Buff guys. Take my hurt away, replace it with abs. Replace my hurt with abs. That's the old everybody right, that's the difference. And people don't cry. That's that's physically not not at all. And if they do, that's all that's alt. Walsh is away on those sweet abs. But Dogan, Dogan sent us a

beautiful message, they said, Lenggston and David exclamation points. So you know this person is serious, they said, Leangston and David hotep in hot salami bacon to the two of you, I'd like to offer my sin serious congratulations for your ceaseless commitment to the mental decay of the black man, woman and child. That that sentence felt, That does not is. That's not a compliment. It's not what we were aiming for. I don't think it was I trying to heal the

black community. No, no, I was not, but decay. I don't know that I that we're decaying anything. I don't want to be complicent and like the decline. Yeah, come on, give us a little credit. We're we're keeping things neutral, baby, Come on, this is a hat I supported the man's wearing a Tuskegee had and you don't know which side he's on with the Tuskegee experiments. You know, maybe I

hate maybe I love it, but anyway, uh. Dogan goes on to say, so, one of my favorite black conspiracy theories is one that I came across in a YouTube University wormhole of video suggested after I was searching for more information about Brother Polite rape accusations, I did not know that he had that. Yeah, I too was after reading this email went down a bit of a rabbit

hole and at appear season quite a pickle. I won't say whose pickle it is or who made it, but it certainly seems like he's he's got some trouble of brewing. I guess I haven't seen him in in a few years. Yeah, were you a big Brother Polite uh tracker? Before this? I'm a big dj vladd interview was ship? Have you ever before I derailist too much? Although this this, have you ever subscribed to the theory that dj vladd is a is a bed? Yeah? It goes back and forth.

I mean, it's not exactly rocket science what he's doing. These people do come on and just they're like, here's this crime that I committed. Yeah, you know what I mean stuff, And I I just don't if he's the Feds, the Feds are getting weird. I don't think that he is a Fed. No, no, I think he's a weird Russian dude. Here's what bugs me is how intentional he is about not showing his face and and ever like

making it clear what he looks like. Google it, sure, of course, but but it in You could also google the people that have gotten trouble from dj vladd interviews, and yet people continue to go on there and get in more trouble from dj vladd interviews. So you know, it's a it's a complex thing, this google rule. But it bugs me a little bit that this white man intentionally with a very black voice. Mind you, it's just very black when it's black enough. When you see his face,

it matches his voice. You're a big fan. I love how you're going to back that's not that's not at all. Well, I'm just I'm just saying I'm not I'm not going listen, don't don't do that to me. You're like, he has a voice of an angel. And he's never heard anybody. I just I respect gifted broadcasters. I also think you gifted broadcaster, and myself, the man's a journalist and you're not gonna sit here and play these games like he's not.

I'm just saying you Google image search dj vladd and the third picture is him throwing up the w with Quincy Jones. Now, if that's not a man to be admired, I don't really know who is. Yeah, that's fair. And I will also say that that he seems more like a Russian operative based off of his face. That we need a federal agent. That's what we need to be looking at. Is like him leaking Noriega secrets to putin sure is like it is like Mr Noriega, You're in

a bit of trouble. Anyway. Dj Vlad is apparently not a fed but in fact a Russian operative. We'll deal with that another day. But so they go on to say, my mama told me that the government is putting astras in atrazin in the water supply to make black men gay. For more context, biologist Tyrone Hayes claims that acts in You know, Tyrone Hayes, you're a big fan of his work. No, don't do that to me. I never I never remember him.

I don't know him. I don't know Dr Sevy Tyrone Hayes claims that actress in, a weed killing chemical, has been shown to feminize male frogs. Theorists claim that traces of this chemical have been found with suspiciously elevated amounts and the water supply in predominantly black neighborhoods and cities. Thus, these chemicals are putting are put there with the intent of feminizing otherwise straight black men. I would love to hear your take on these absurd claims. Want to go first? Yeah, No,

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not gonna do it. Okay, here, you have a prepared statement, right, don't you have? As someone who has been claimed to be feminized many times by more masculine black men. Hey, I don't think that's a bad I think we went too hard with the masculine for a minute. And listen, I love the locks, right and whatnot. Maybe we need, maybe we need to relax it a bit, Maybe we maybe we need maybe black men need, we need a softer edge. It's like

you just can't go that hard forever. Listen, I think. I think the point in which we had exceeded sort of like masculinity as a black Black robs Woe, I think is where it was like it was too much, you know what I mean with eight seven men in the streets of New York not a woman in sight, and somehow these were the people that we were like admiring and wanting to be like it was too much ship.

Can I give you a fun anecdote about Black robs Woe? Absolutely, Uh, My Auntie and Ciri leone who speaks no English, basically loves that song. I would be in clo all like sad with my discman on and she'd be like, hey, it's not David, and she wanted me to play that song and she was just she just would say was whoa And then she would like loves it? So it did.

It did branch out. But yeah, I think the Black rob I think the fifty cent I think whenever those G Unit sports bras came out, the G Unit tank tops, I think that was the that was we had gone too far. It's so masculine that it that it becomes feminine to the point that that right like now you're wearing a bra you didn't even know. You just wanted to be in guerilla unit. Yeah, you were pretending that this was like a bulletproof vest tank top, but it truly is just a a a cute halter. It's a

cute halter with the what the what the multi color fringe? Oh, come on, you look gorgeous to me, you look amazing, bright eyes? Where you going sward? So hey, I do think that I do think there needs to be some feminization in general because but also do I think they're putting it in the water specific? No, of course not, because if you seen what white dudes are doing, like if it's in our water, it's in their commercial because dudes,

are you crying at medication commercials like they're going bad? Yeah, I will say I also think that there's something a little dangerous about equating feminization and homosexuality. Those are two different things, very different things. That was a joke, was completely we got it our record photos. I was done in this business, and it's it's on the mic listen shooters. Shoot. That was a joke thing, not how I feel about anything.

But no, to that point there, it's they're not the same thing, right that, Like I know very effeminate men who happened to have sex with women. And I also know some very like hyper masculine dudes who fuck the ship out of other dudes and not shouting some of my gay thugs. Shout out to some of them, and not all of you, nots coons, but everybody else. Solman Georgio used to tell me because I lived with him, he told me there's a gay thugs club in l A.

Oh whoa. He said. They're just in there with like starter jackets and pistols. But also, that's that's interesting because Okay, I have follow up questions, I guess, and maybe we need to get Solomon back on the pods to get as much clarity as he can provide. But what does does that mean it's exclusively gay thugs or is it like this is for the gay thugs but anybody can show up. I think gay thugs are like paprika, where if you put a little bit in, you're gonna know

that it's in that dish. So I think maybe it was just like maybe a club where there was ten gate thugs. That's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, is there's a reason why when you go to the deli they keep your pickles separate. You know, it's it's gonna change the flavor of that sandwich whether you wanted it to or not. It only takes one of those strawberry spoonfuls to turn the whole glass of milk red. That was a weird pink. That was a weird analogy. The point

is like, and I think that's the least explored group. Yeah. I don't think Gate Thug get a lot of They don't get a lot of TV time, and when they do it's often associated with like a type of like jail violence ship. But like Light, Yeah, Light went there, but he he didn't even really Uh he wasn't even at peace and his ship, you know, he never embraced it.

He quite the opposite. Now. He just sat on the couch next to the man of his dreams and didn't even pursue it elite, which is crazy because like a black man bearing an emotion, I've never heard of that. Well, that's why it was such a great film. As they used their imaginations. I thought it was gonna jump start the gay funk movement. But you really didn't hear about them after that. No, they were like, oh, he's still in the closet cool. I will also say that from that, like,

thank god, I'm not crazy. Yeah, that's doing it right. Yeah he's got an old school Just show up to a diner at three in the morning and look at the dude. Who you who you've been fawning over for the past twenty years. Oh man, that was really sad. Started. Yes,

it's a hard movie, but but beautiful, beautiful time. I think we would be we would be remiss if we didn't bring up the fact that that Famed conspiracy theorist Alex Jones made very similar arguments on his super successful podcast, not specific to black people, but more specific to the general community or the general like American populists, that that there there's an enzyme, a substance in the water that is turning the freaking frogs gay, I believe was the quote.

And uh, and I guess now it is it is now being targeted specifically at black people, is I also, you also have to go into your head about so what what harm is that supposedly gonna do making black men more feminine? Yeah? I don't know. So what's like then? One? I think, and the crimes we commit are overwhelmingly towards

one another. So yeah, I I guess, and I I have family members who have subscribed to to the theory that Hollywood specifically is like over exposing us to gay imagery with the intention of making black men less masculine and taking away the nuclear family. Blah blah blah blah blah. But I will say that the big fear is sort

of like reducing our population. I think it's what they say is ultimately what's going to happen that if you make men want to fuck men, it means less black, proud black babies are born, and then you know, you end up erasing the black identity. So really what you're saying is to be socially responsible. We should all have a lot of kids. We should, we should. Nick Cannon's the only one doing it right, you know what I mean. For years, tombstone, Nick, You're lites, David Bory, Nick Cannon's

the only one doing it right. It's a confusing tombstone, but it gives the message across, you know. Yeah, and then you're like, damn, this dude was they can into still lave and he's still doing it right. He's still coming in these ladies and make it babies, good for him, good for Nick Cannon. He's having a good time. What do you think about it being in the water though, I believe, and this is something that I think I've

maintained on the podcast for a long time. I do not put it past them to put something weird in our water, right, I don't necessarily believe that the sole purpose of it is femininization of any person. I think it's not that dissimilar from like yellow number five being in our mountain dew. You know what I mean. Like, you know I don't do the dude, But but if you do do that due because of the fear that like it's gonna shrink your balls and make your sperm

count trash or whatever it is. But I don't believe the motherfucker's put that ship in with the intent on shrinking balls or reducing sperm count. I think they put it in because it made the mountain dew look more awesome. And then when they found out wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, do you like mountain dew? It was mainly my main source of of hydration for I would say two thirds of my life, and then I changed my ways. Hey, I'm sorry, man, I take that. Are

you serious? I fucking loved mountain dew for a long time. What's going on? Is that crazy? I loved it? It was my everything. I used to buy big gulps. Uh. This was back and there was a gas station by my house that had like a fake big gulp because seven eleven had branded it, but they had yeah you get it. I'd go in and say, hello, sir, one huge slurk please, and he said, get the funk out of my mount due, my man. But yeah, real British,

what I'm wondering about and do? But so this gas station not only had like the huge slurps available, but they had a free refill policy for the day. And I would get a I would wake up, I'd be there by like ten am, fill it with mountain dew, and then refill it like twice a day before like fucking bedtime. I was drinking literally gallons of mountain dew every day. So the fact that I have a child is an absolute miracle. It is beyond reason and God's will that I that I'm able to have a person

that I can call my own. You know, this is this is this is wild. Yeah, I'm sorry, bro, I know, don't be upset. Honestly, I'll tell you the truth. In my family, my own mom is a j's a dohad yeah, and I accept her. Like you know, we don't like we take pictures together. My foot down, I want to, we gotta take a family photo. I always assumed it's because she was so little that she gets like because my mom's she's like four or four eleven five ft.

That's what I always assumed that was because it because it tastes bad and that color is not that color looks like something it looks like and I freeze. I don't know what to tell you. Man, it used to take its real awesome to me, I haven't had it. Sounds like you still love it. You just know you can't. It's like a bad ex girlfriend. I think. I think in a lot of ways, that's what soda is for me,

like pop soda, whatever the funk y'all call it. Uh, it's it's It was so special to me, and we we did so much together that I can't go back to it because I know it's only gonna create hurt and pain. Wow, this is man. I don't know why I've just I guess I've always known you to seem like you're about your ship. I never I never imagined, uh, mountain dew guy, No, my nigga, I was. I was mountain dew. And yeah, I can tell because you said

that awesome color. That's what like hip me off when I was like, wait a second, wait a minute, he thinks that's cool. Something's gone a right here. Oh man, I mean if you don't take anything and I listeners, please email in and see if maybe I'm crazy for being surprised. I actually think you're you're you're a little off base here. I think more people were and and maybe are even currently drinking mountain dew than you think. That's probably true. It's still being made. Yeah, no, it's they.

I don't think they took a hit in the pandemic, do you know what I mean. I don't think they're like struggling to find a new base of I do think they didn't want minorities. I think they wanted us to drink sprite. Yeah no, that that was That was a much more like awesome. We're fucking skateboarding and thrashing and drink and yes, Olivia, Olivia's mentioning code read and I do think code red was there sort of like nod to black people. It was I think absolutely, I

think that was them going. It would have been code purple. First of all, well they got to purple. If you've kept up with Mountain Dew, they they eventually went purple. And have I tried all the flavors, You goddamn right I have. Do you ever do a due in secret? Now? Like, if it's just been like a rough week, baby won't stop crying, boss screaming down your neck, I like that in your head. I'm like passed out on my couch,

like just from drinking six dudes. And my wife comes down and she's like, yeah, you gotta get it together. You're fucking sick. Here's sick. It's carrying our family. And like, I can't it's too delicious. I'm doing the dude. It's exactly what it's like. Look at you, you're fucking sick. You got like a wife beater art. It's all sane with that awesome color. We're going to stay at my sisters. I can't be around you. It's either me and the

baby or the dude. And I go, well, strap me to a mountain sister, because I'm doing the dude, I

dinna make it do what it do. Oh that's so funny. Anyway, My point is that I think I think that they did not intentionally put anything in the water for the sake of necessarily harming us as much as harmful ship ends up in our water, and they're perfectly fine with whatever happens on the back end, right right, Yeah, I think the feminine feminization is just like, uh, but also I don't see that women are getting more feminine, So what about that? M spit? That's the whole I realized

as soon as I started talking about it. I was like, this is this is shaky ground, but I don't know how to prove it. I just don't, like, I don't see women getting more like it doesn't seem like that to me. Sure, it's not like they're like permanently walking on their tiptoes now, so uh yeah, it's you're just still regular ladies. And I think men are just becoming less toxic. Maybe maybe that's what it is. I really think we're just like acknowledging emotions and nobody knows what

to do with it. They're like this, this motherfucker gotta be gay because he keeps talking about how he made peace with his dad. Right, I go to therapy every week. I haven't done that dad thing. But some other good ship, some other good We'll get you there, that's the target. But I don't think we should be afraid of the feminization of the black man. That's all I'm saying. So

I I think I agree. I think it's perfectly normal to fear the substances that they're putting in our water, and and we should uh examine all of it and maybe start figuring out better things are safer ways to drink it. But I don't think being gay is the byproduct of of what's happening there. I think that's as good as we can do on this. Alright, well, I want to I want to finish this off because Dogan

also added now that David is on the show. They said, ps, now that David is on the show, I would be honored to create an updated Afro surrealist, HOTEP conspiracy inspired cover art featuring the both of you. Feel free to let me know if you intend on providing an opportunity for a black, queer, disabled artists, or if you will choose to uphold patriarchy patriarchal white supremacy by denying a member of intersectional intersectionally oppressed community an opportunity for the

artwork to be seen. The ball is in your court, looking forward to the next I respect that, Dogan, because that's how I got every job I ever got in Hollywood. You don't know a lot of black fan read for Beavis and But well, let me say this. I do think we need to update the cover art. I think David is an essential member of this team now and we need to reflect that in the cover art that said I'm not letting no intersectional motherfucker do it. Uh. You said that, you hurd it out of his mountain

dew stained lips. Take your intersectional ask to the intersectional welfare line where you belong as far as I'm concerned. No, that's very lovely of you, Dogon, and we would we would love to see your work. It would be lovely, all right, We did it. Could you tell the people where they can find you and what cool ship you have going on? Ah, you can find me on Instagram A cool guy jokes eighties seven Uh Faded Comedy Denver

dot com. If you want to come out to my monthly showcase in Denver, only having black and brown headliners from across the country, people that I really loved and bringing them to Denver because sometimes it's hard. And then you know, just uh, you know, I I don't want some ship, don't about me? Yes, and and I'll be headlining that and where our dates were very wrong on that that weekend that I think I'm supposed to be doing it. I think it's it's nine six team that

I'm heading to Denver to Uh that makes sense? Oh you know what that is? Right? Because nine fifteen I'm doing an hour at the Illusion in Los Angeles and then I'm flying back to Denver for the Langston show. Hell yeah, well we're trading places and then not where we'll be there together. But please go in place just together, go see David headlined the Allegian, and then go see us go somewhere together out in Denver for a faded comedy.

And as always, you can follow me at Lanston Kerman on all the platforms, And if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, your drops, your emails, your accusations of not being inclusive enough, please send it to my Mama pod at gmail dot com We would love to hear from you. Otherwise, that's it. Bye, bitch. Motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So, motherfucking many years, so many, motherfucking many years. So