Motherfucking many of us. So many episode, motherfucking many of us. So ba ba ba la ba la bla ba laa. Welcome to another episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast when we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we work to prove the theories of you the listener, that's right, it's a mini episode, you bitch. It's a motherfucking mini episode, you bitch. I'll kill you and he'll kill you dad, And you know what, I won't say a word. Hey, listen, listen to me.
Oh won't wo. You gotta promise that you're not gonna ever go all that all the time. Now y'all got the technology. I just don't want to lose you to the dark side. I won't make you do a whole episode DJ Screws style, because honestly, I'm a baby. Chopped in screwed tapes kind of give me headaches. Yeah yeah, yeah, Like it's a good idea for two songs, but then
I just feel like I'm underwater. Yeah that that there's the metro Booman version or his like new album has like a chopped in screwed version, and I was like all in for the first two songs, and I was like, get me the fuck out of here. This is this is too much of it, and I'd like a break please. Yeah. No, That's how it was that when I was in high school. I'd be like, oh cool, I spent all night on
Winning X downloading the Screw tape. Yeah, and then you listened to it in the car and it's just like, no, don't it makes my stomach kind of Yah. It feels like there's like a heavy man sitting on your chest the entire time you're listening to it, like in your ears. That's what depression feels like in your heart. Yeah, just like can't sure to make of what the world is. It's just a DJ Screw tape telling you that no
one loves you the way you wish they would. Yeah, Like it's familiar feelings, but they're warped because of the lands YEA and or Screw, where like you had a perfectly fine meeting with like a friend, and then afterwards you wonder if you said something weird. That's that's it's just DJ Screw saying on the side of a movie wondering if no one likes you, which is these are all very relatable. Uh, these are all very like, Oh, they just brought me because I'm a clown away. Let's
get to it. Let's get let's get to these MANI, let's get to these mini episodes. We have an email that came in hot. I would say, this is an email that that right from the start. I won't read the subject line, but the subject line was very uh salacious, I would say provocative right from the start. And this person in India, India sent us a message where she she doesn't greet us, by the way, no greeting whatsoever, No Hello links and Hello David big fans, uh, none
of that shit. She just my homeless world just told me, well, how do you feel about before I read this? Are you choice? Address you man from the congo? First of all, yeah, you go on your man from the congo. You can say it, you can say it wrong, but don't just like you don't get to just walk up. That happened. That happened to me, and I know she's gonna listen.
It was the craziest this girl and Dallas came up to me like that, like she was like, you don't believe in blah blah blah, blah blah, and I was like, I get to be a person. Yeah, yeah, you gotta. You were very nice, Thank you for coming. Her and a friend had a very somewhat combative relationship. I couldn't tell. If they were for you would have loved it. Yeah,
but yeah, say hi to me. Were they both fans of view or was one of them the I assumed the lady that came up to you the big fan and then the other was just along for the ride. I think they were both fans of us collectively. Hell yeah, you know what I mean. I think they liked the podcast and they don't know what to expect one year, like caught in your own Okay, I got me. Yeah yeah, but they were nice to kept insinuating, and they were the one kept insinuating she was going to fight the
other one. Dallas is a good town. And you know what, I've never been to Dallas. I've been to their airport, and oh man, you got they like us. A bunch of people came out in Dallas. The airport's nothing to write home about, I'll be honest. And what airport is you know what airport I really like is that Atlanta Airport. I think they I think them having a Popeye's or a Chick fil A every twelve feet making a pretty a pretty solid airport in mind in America is the Atlanta.
I thought it was Denver. I thought Jackson heartfelt Denver's close. I let me tell you something. Somebody who flies out on Denver every week. Tighten it the fuck up, get it together. I'm sick of that shit. I don't think we've ever talked about this, but you know, there's like a massive conspiracy about the Denver Airport. Brother, I have seen the paintings. Whoa have you not? Have you look look up the paintings. They don't make any like you
know how there's like typical public space mural paintings. Yeah, there's one in the airport where it's like a man in an army army outfit. He's wearing a gas mask, he has a sword in one hand and like a machine gun in the other, and there's a bunch of children underneath looking up at him, crying like it's all very Look up the art. Look up the horse, the horse coming into Denver Airport? Who killed its owner? The
devil horse? No, it's that ship's for real. Yeah, but so just so I'm I'm understanding what what is for real for you? What are you arguing is is actually happening at the Denver Airport. Oh, I think the bunkers down there, that rich people are paying for space all that. And also so you subscribed specifically to the Denver Airport being the hub for like the Illuminati axis of terror
type shit. I think man, I think so. I think that like it also strangely doesn't the positioning of the positioning of it doesn't make sense of you know, Denver geography, especially compared to that the old airport was in Stapleton, which is close to Denver, especially when it was made. When they first made the airport, that was a shit
out there. Whoa. And so your argument would be that they just found this area and they were like, we could build this into something very quietly that nobody's gonna watch us build it. It was way out in the cut. Nobody's Stapleton is in Denver, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, but like out out there, nobody's gonna we could build whatever we want out here. Nobody's looking. Holy shit. You know that's before Google Maps and all that shit. Yeah,
Google Maps snitching on my fun. Yeah, I was watching that John Oliver they were talking about Yeah. Yeah, it's like they're literally finding things in your backyard via Google Maps and then charging you for it. That's insane. That got me thinking about buying a house. Yeah, you know. The HLAs our death man. My mother in law this past year had like a running with with the wife of the head of the HLA, who is a lawyer.
And the running was super minor, just like a disagreement that escalated a little bit into like a little bit of being like, you're not a nice person type energy. It wasn't even name calling and fucking cursing or anything like that. And then the lady like sued her for millions of dollars like truly and was like trying to use the backing of the HLA to get the lawsuit through. And then it was crazy. It's truly in that case investment, that's how they do it. That's yeah, I don't. I don't.
That's why I ran. And that's the only reason. That's the only reason. Don't look to enjoy it. That is why I ran. Well, we we got a message from India and India said, my homegirl just told me her mother in law died believing sucking dick causes cancer. Please help us get to the truth, India. My immediate reaction, first of all, shame on her for not knowing the truth. I wanted to be on this podcast loudly and proudly that I in no way promote or endorse the idea
that sucking dick causes any type of ailment. Quite the opposite. I am actined it to be some type of super food or something. I think I think they're I think they're feeling properties inside inside of the old PP and I think we got to get to the bottom of that. I think everything that you can get out of Echinasia Elderberry. Yea, Yeah, those little pomegranate redick squirty things, I think all that is found in the PPI and I am I'm just
I'm an advocate for that. I'm an advocate for that. Yeah, there should be a little plus signs behind the penis. You know what I mean to just to say it's medicinal, It's got medicinal qualities to it. We're not, for a second gonna subscribe to whatever you're offering here, India, or certainly your mother in law and frankly, shame on you for not making that your your stance to your your dying day. India. You that should have been on you should have been fighting for her to know that that
that that's a falsehood. Yeah, how'd you let her go out like that? To be honest, come on, like, like, India, this this poor woman, this her poor husband. I know she got a widower. You know what's sad? I bet there was a husband and I I bet I bet that something in him was broken in a way that made him feel like he like he had to take that right right. He had like a funny arm or something. Yeah, let me tell you, sir, I no, no, you deserve
more and and we want more for you. That's you don't think that she died and he felt released from some type of case. You don't think for a second he was like, no, I could give my dick, sir. You know what I mean? You don't think he walked into his yard like Thanos after he did this snap and just just took a rest, just a breath. Yeah, he was like, I loved her, but that was killing me.
The family. We bought a house. I'm thankful, but god, damn, I want to just get my dick suck once or twice does a single tear, and he's like, I'm finally free. I'm finally fucking free. Man. I hope he's getting his dick s up right now. I'd pray it. I pray
that that man is getting his dick sucked. And and I will say that that we talked briefly about this conspiracy theory, and we also, at least for me, it did remind me of what, for a while was a very big conspiracy theory of Michael Douglas contracting cancer from having eaten out Catherine Zada Jones. That was that was something that people were saying that her, her pussy specifically was causing cancer. That dirty Welsh pussy is that what she is? Bro It fucked me up. She is from Wales. Wow,
I don't think she so. I've always felt like she played it like she was spicier than that. She played it hard. She think she's from like Venezuela. She wanted us to think she was like one step shy of Penelope Crews, like you were writing that that little space over there, and it's like, no, you're just Welsh. Wow, she's the whitest white. Yeah, they had their own white language you know what I mean, like own white language that white people are even like, whoa, we didn't even
know we had that in the back pocket. We don't. Yeah, they're like god damn, look at look at these albino monkeys. Yeah, those there are there are musical people, though. The rhythm lives within them. You know who's good at basketball? The Welsh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love their music about sex inside of me, you know. The Welsh of that extra bone in their leg and that's why they jumped though that. The Welsh they got two tongues, that's why they talk like that, the snake tongue.
This a little slit in between if you look close enough. I like them, but I wouldn't want one day my daughter I see a Welshman, I crossed the street there. Why don't you ever hit a Welshman on a bike? Oh boy, oh boy? And shout out to our Welsh listeners. We're big fans of you obviously, yeah yeah, yeah, no, we Catherina, it's crazy. Yeah, she really tried to play it like she was on some like uh yeah, some very like diverse shit, and that doesn't sound like the case, No,
Michael Douglas, which is nuts. No, they were married for I think a long time. And then uh, he said, I think frankly in a in what has to be bitterness? He oh they're still married? Is that true? Whoa? He said that about his active wife. He was like, my wife's pussy gives me cancer. Maybe that's like a sweet yeah maybe yeah exactly. Maybe that wasn't being like she may have given me cancer, but I'll take more of
it just to be with her. Yeah. Yeah, if cancer is wrong, I don't want to be I do want to keep living, but I don't want Okay, So okay, they reconciled. It sounds like Olivia is saying in twenty fourteen, which maybe I hope the window in which he was like, you know, the bitches pussy is poisoned. Like maybe before they reconciled, he was like it had just talking his shit. It had it had to be. There's no way, there's
no that had to be had to be. Can you imagine the day they had where he went and did this interview, blamed her for giving him throat cancer and then like winning late in bed and she was like, Michael, how is your day, and he was like a normal, yeah, that's a good question. She's like, what did they ask anything interesting? What I needed? They ask anything about me? You know, coming out you know me and Antonio went back at it like like, no, no, they didn't ask
about you. This is when they're on the outs. No, they didn't ask about you. Everything's not always about you. That's my problem with you, Catherine. Yeah, they ask my heilman, have you answered out my ailment? I'm sick. I'm sick. I need my sleep, just like Malone, Catherine, it's like you're getting a little angry about this, Michael, oh something I know. It's also like just like a crazy like a pussy's not cigarettes, Like, what are you saying? And again,
let let me go on record. If it is causing cancer, numb numb, numb, numb, numb, numb, numb. I'm I'm not getting out of it for a second. I don't. Nope. As E forty says, everybody got choices, yeah, and mine is to stay up if he but seriously, if eating pussy caused cancer, I would kind of just be like you were probably gonna get cancer. Anyways, it was a good shot. So one of them was gonna get you, bro hot dogs give you cancer? Exactly what are we
talking about? Yellow number five? It's surging through my blood and has been for generations. I'm not worried about pussy games that are being the thing that takes me out of here, you know what I mean? Like, Yeah, there are way worse things that I'm putting in my body and and none of them make me nearly as happy. So so again, give me get hey, hey, give me a never you know that one's weirder. Yeah, it's probably a bad choice, that choking child's voice when I'm talking
about but oh man, that thing is great though. I'm really excited for it. Yeah, No, we were. We were fully equipped on both sides. Now, I think it's gonna be a real minute for all of us and all of our listeners that come with these guests from both angles. So I think, in conclusion, if we might conclude this this very silly conspiracy theory, we don't probably know what, We've never done any research on the subject, but I refuse to believe that that sucking dick and or eating
pussy are cancer causing experiences. And anybody who's listening that continues to feel that way. Need not listen anymore. We are we are deep enemies because because you're crazy. I'll deal with a lot of conspiracy theory. I'll play in a lot of games, but this is where I draw the fucking line. Yep, yeah, I mean that's it. That's where I'm at. Hell. Yeah, we did, boy, get you tell other people where they can find you. What cool shit you have going on? Cool guy jokes Saty seven
on Instagram. I'll have some stuff coming up for you soon. We're just getting it all kind of figure out for the summer days. Watch Royal Crackers on HBO, you know, and eat pussy and suck dick. Come on, guys, this life short. Put your mouth on it. Whatever you want. It's times time on it. It's time. You don't like it, they probably do. Just do it for a little bit bit. Learn to learn to be selfless. You gotta learn to be selfless, even if it's even if it's for a moment.
Just just be a little selfless. I'm saying. Olivia says, life is short. Put your mouth on it. Yeah, that's that's the merg Yeah, there it is. We've waited. We've waited about three years. But I think we finally figured out the merge. It's just life is short. Put your mouth on it is. That's gonna be a T shirt. As always. You can follow me at lengths and Kerman on all platforms. I would love to hear from you
and uh and you can. You can send us your Oh, April fifteenth, I think we're this will be in time. April fifteenth, I'll be at the mic drop in San Diego. And then the twenty eighth and twenty ninth, I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana at the at the Comedy Attic. And follow us on YouTube, subscribe to that YouTube page, do
all that shit. And then, lastly and very important, if you want to send us your own drops, if you want to send us your your own soundbites, if you want to send us your theories about what you can suck on to get cancer, send that to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We'd love to hear from you. Bye bitch. Motherfucking many years, so many years, so, motherfucking many years, so, motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So