Motherfucking many years old mini episode. Motherfucking mini episode. Yeah, yeah, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we die deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove the
theories that you the listener have at home. That's right, motherfucker's this a mini episode, a motherfucking mini episode, And just like all the many episodes, a true tradition we've built here is that I get to hear from youth of fans and and unpack the conspiracy theories that you've been kicking around, the ones that you weird freaks funk around in. And boy, oh boy, is this a fun weird one. This is a nice, interesting conspiracy theory that
came to me. It was sent to me, and and it came from a person who introduced herself by a name that is not the name from her email. Does that mean that she's writing from a different person's email or is she giving me a pseudonym? It's hard to know either way. I'm going to play her conspiracy theory for you. Now, what a blank to in my name is Phoebe. I just wanted to look into a theory my mom has had my whole life, well, more like a phobia. She is deathly afraid of cats. Yes, cats,
small fuzzy feline friends that live in the home. Pets. Yes, she thinks. Has told me many many times that cants will steal your soul, that thing they do when they're pressing into your body and looking up into your eyes. She's like, that's them, that's that's them thinking about it to try to take your soul. To figure out how
to take it. Now, in her older age, I've gotten her to admit that there might have been a movie, maybe a Stephen King's story made in the in the eighties, that involved this, But I think she had the belief before that, and I think that movie just reinforced her fear. So I would love if you would look into this, if it's just from that story, that Stephen King movie, if that movie even exists, or if this is an older thing to be like, you know, cats are not
to be trusted. Love the show piece. Okay, Well, thank you so much, Phoebe. If that is in fact your real name, I am very excited about this conspiracy theory, because you know what, my wife actually holds the exact same theory. She there's a cat that I think, I believe it's straight, that lives in our neighborhood, and every time she sees it, she says, that motherfucker's evil. She she hisses at it. She's very cruel to this cat, and she's cruel to all cats. She's an unkind person
and someone should shoot her in the knee. But the point is she has long maintained that cats steal people's souls, and even when I asked her where this comes from, it's all. It seems irrational, it seems completely unfounded. And so based on your suggestion, I decided to do some research. I did some deep digging, and what I found is there are a fair amount of cultural and historical examples of people making this exact same claim. Your mother, Phoebe
is not as crazy as you think. For example, the Highland people of Scotland believe in a cat sithe that is basically like a demonic version of traditional cats. It's as large as a dog and very very black. That seems to be an ongoing theme with things that people call evil. But I won't. I won't get too hung up on UH on the racial implications there, but very
very black with a white stamp on its chest. And many believe this cat is actually which or or that these types of cats are witches who have the ability to transform nine different times in their lifes man in order to you guessed it, suck out the souls of unsuspecting victims. They also believe that this cat sith can steal the soul of the dead before God can claim them. That they can basically stand next to UH, next to
a dead body and get a leftover soul. That's sort of lingering around now, Why a soul would just hang out in a dead body? No idea to keep moving soul? What the funk are you? Did? This? Starting to feel a little like necrophilia? You sick freak. Get out of there, go do go do untethered soul ship you loser. Anyway, this forced UH, the the the Highland people to take
extra steps to protect they're dead. They basically would would guard these bodies and extinguish fires nearby so that the the cat sith couldn't find the dead bodies, and they even went so far as to put cat nip in their homes while the funerals were going on, in order to basically distract the cats that and keep them from finding the dead. There are also records of them performing some pretty fucked up rituals called tagger tag arm. I don't know how to say this. I'm not Scottish, nor
do I want to be. They sound silly, but tag aram or what is in English translated to giving supper to the devil, where cats were roasted alive. You heard me right, They roasted cats alive on a spit in order to conjure the devil, who was then compelled to grant them a wish. To those brave enough to perform this ceremony, they were burning fucking cats so that they could they could get their friend, the devil, to to give them wishes. There they were interesting people, the Highland people,
and I hope I never get to meet them. They're also English superstition, and this is the one that I think it's most common in America. There's an English superstition which I know has carried into modern times that cats steal baby's breath. We've all heard it. The belief is either that because of jealousy or the smell of titty milk on the baby's lips. The cat will intentionally suffocate a new baby in the house while they're sleeping. Did
they love titty milk? Apparently, and they're willing to murder for it. They're willing to kill a newborn baby for some sweet titty milk. And wouldn't we all who wouldn't want some titty milk? And who wouldn't kill a baby for that titty milk? Now, this theory the widespread that actually, in not in sevente all the way back in a jury at the Corners in quest in Plymouth, England, found
a cat guilty of killing a baby in this way. Similarly, in nine in the Nebraska State Journal printed an alleged report from a doctor who said he'd witness the house cat lying on the baby's breasts U Paul on either side of the baby's mouth. The cats live, pressing those of the child. In the infant's face as pale as that of the corpse, its lips with the blueness of death. That basically that cat was sucking the soul out that baby. Now,
this continues in Iceland. There's a legend of of a creature called the Yule cat that basically eats humans who do not have on fancy new clothes during the Christmas holiday. Basically Christmas time comes. If you're still as bummy as you were before the holidays started, you getting eaten by the Yule cat. If you're a bummy bitch, you're a
kitty dish. That's the deal up. In Iceland, in the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed that cats were connected to Satan, that they were like friends with Satan, so much so that they believed that cats were solely responsible for the bubonic plague, which killed nearly sixty percent of the population around the world. It killed a lot of motherfucker's and these niggas thought that cats were more dangerous
than thanos. You understand, sixty percent better than fifty. That's just mat and I, as you know, am a mathematician. Along with being a comedian and a future father, I'm a mathematician first, that is that is the core of who I am. A mathematician. And so like the Avengers, these people believed that cats were so terrible that they teamed up to beat the ship out of cats and murder them in the streets. There was there was a mass murder of kitty cats because they believed that were
responsible for the the plague that took over the world. Now, the irony of all of this, if any of you have studied history much like me, I'm also a historian, mathematician, uh, comedian, future father, and of course historian that's number four, but number four historian. Those of you that have studied history know that the bubonic plague was actually started by a disease spread through rats, which cats probably could have helped stop if they weren't getting slaughtered by a bunch of
cat devil weirdos. You know what I mean? Were you gonna put a halt to this if we would have kept our eye on the ball on this one. But that's neither here nor there. They did what they had to do and it worked out perfectly for the whites.
Say anyway, On a less tragic note, there are some members of the Buddhist community who believe that cats actually are vessels for human souls, that they're not stealing human souls, but actually a human soul is where it is stored inside of a kidty cat like an urn after you die. Not so much it's stealing, but it's borrowing it until you your soul is ready to ascend to paradise. Uh And, and that's that's kind of nice. That's a sweet feeling
that I probably could leave the episode with. I could leave you with that information, but I want to leave you with one more thing, because I I read. I went on Cora, which, as we all know, is not the best place to find information, but it is the best place to find sass answers. And somebody on Cora asked this exact same question that you're asking for, be about whether or not cats steal souls, and they the best response I found one that I really enjoyed. It said,
do cats steal human souls? And somebody said, I find the best way to lose your soul is to go on Cora and ask a really stupid question. You're clearly suffering from the same problem, but I'm sure the question you ask has done the trick for you. It's certainly stupid enough. And boy, oh boy, is that the kind
of healthy dialogue that I think we all need. You know, a nice person goes on the Internet and ask about something that haunts their dreams, and then an even uh, an even nicer man goes, you're a fucking idiot, stay off the internet. And I don't know who's right or who's wrong in this situation, but I bet we can figure it out, you know. I bet if we put
our heads together, we'll figure it out. So to answer your question of Phoebe, I think there's a fair amount of evidence that that cats don't that that cats at least have a a toxic history, shall we say, within a toxic relationship with with humans and and the human world, you know what I mean. Even if they're not stealing souls, they're not to be trusted. And I like cats, but I don't trust the motherfucker's I keep my eye on a kitty cat, you know what I mean. I'm not
just gonna let them keep hanging out regular around me. Anyway. I think that answered everything that you needed to know. That certainly was a lot of information. Not sure how much of it was helpful. But if you want to ask me a question about murderous animals and get relatively unhelpful answers about it, you can send me those questions and those conspiracy theories to my mama pot at gmail
dot com. I would love to hear from you. Also subscribe to the podcast review the podcast Jesus Christ, How many times do I have to keep telling you fucker's this? Are you trying to upset me? Are you trying to turn me into a person who rages deep into the night. Come on, people, the time is now, you know anyway, Bye, bitch. Motherfucking many years, so many years, so, motherfucking many years. So, motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So