Stop everything, put that ship down, Stop making love to your significant others.
We're talking, get your penis out of your wife.
And get that pussy out of your side piece.
Yeah, out of it.
I've never had sex before.
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four extra episodes a month. It's four extra episodes. It's all kinds of games. It's it's it's watch alongs, it's crab bags, it's gonna.
Be all mail bags, live streams, all this stuff, Langston's nudes.
This is the first I'm hearing of it. But but I'm not in a space to contradict. I'm desperate for you to join. So if if that is what will entice you to come see us over at Patreon, please do that. Yeah, so you can go ahead and go online to ww dot Patreon backslash. It's on the bottom. Yeah, we'll have it flashing on the screen. It's all me likely but yeah, but we'll figure it out. It's coming by bitch ugly. You're disgusting. I'm gonna kill you. Give
me two hundred dollars. There is no quite the opposite, doctor Phil. They're verical.
You can't be you can't be.
No, are you stupid? That's favor work.
It's like I want to go on TV to get yelled at by somebody who went to medical school. I want to go on TV and get yelled at by a guy. Bro, you're just a man that could just happen to me in a parking lot.
No, you don't even look like somebody that I respect. You're too big to be a doctor that you like six pies. I don't want this. No, it's he's huge. Yeah, he's big. S that's cold, cocky. You slap doctor Phil. That becomes my favorite video on the internet. Will if that video ever comes to exist. It is what I'm going to play at my daughter's wedding. I'm gonna be like, hey, y'all, I know this is an important evening for you, but I just want to remind you Bruce Bruce slapped the
ship out of doctor. That would be crazy, Like Michael.
Chips in your.
Qualis a racist? The money.
Stuff I can't tell me.
Woll well, it's the big show there, it is there. It is ladies and gentlemen, little mamas and gentiles. So like, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama told me the podcast.
Will we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
And you already know what it is. We ain't proven nothing, nothing for you. This is edutainment. We are it's not. There's no nutritional value over here. Don't get to vitamins here, folks, we ain't got them. Uh but but what we do have and I cannot believe that we have. This is crazy. This is nuts, This is really exciting. God damn one of one of my favorite comedians to ever walk this planet. If he ain't your favorite comic view host, that's wrong, bitch,
You're wrong. Grow up, grow up. He's touring now, he's touring always. He's actor icon Bruce Bruce, y'all, city.
Bar, what'sening? What's happening? What's happening on? This is crazy for and everything?
Cool man? You know I'm cool as a mug. You know what I'm saying.
Man, We appreciate you, man, Thank you. Man.
I know y'all probably northern boy. I'm a Southern boy. You know I'm straight at a a t A that's me, baby. So if you hear me say something kind of funny southern things, So don't be thinking like what he saying.
No, we'll find I'm fitting to go.
We got that. I'm gonna be honest. We've studied you aware. Yeah, but you know the way people will understand forty I.
Understand you say, that's for sure. But the baby, you know, I love forty man.
Yeah, he's anybody who makes up their own words and it doesn't sound because I sometimes you ever trying to like push them slang yourself.
I've never tried it. No, you got to be really brave and it never does.
But what I respect about E forty man, I like him.
I like his style. I like how you respect his wife and his family. He's a man.
Yeah, and he has fun whatever he.
And I think that's why we let the new words happen, because that's just a dude being fun. He's making me have fun. He's so fun. Introduce a new one and he's cool.
Man.
Yeah, I heard. I heard the greatest story about Forty. I tell my wife it all the time. Somebody was at a conference with him and Forty walks up to the bar and he's like, oh, Norri tells his story. He Forty walks into the bar and he tells the bartender, I'll take two brands or I'll take two Moeshas. And then Noori says, what's Mosha's? He says, straight Brandy, that's maybe for president, but for president straight up.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like that because he knows his set up. Yeah, he knows that that you're gonna have to ask a follow up question. And the second you do that, Brandy's sitting right there. Don't get to Yeah, You're gonna give it to you.
We gotta start some slang.
We gotta start some slang.
You got podcast? No, I'm telling you. You don't think we got it? No, don't I know you don't. So just you a great podcast. Keep doing that.
Yeah, let you fort do that. That's I'm just keeping it real with you. I don't know.
I don't want you guys to be walking around you know, twels pissed at yourself. We should have stayed on the park.
Yeah yeah, we concentrated too much of our financial.
Yeah yeah, yeah, because I've been trying to think up a drink since I told that story.
It was crazy.
I got it.
And see what's crazy about that? He's trying to think of it. Yeah, it's got to be naturally. You got to be a natural.
And then he was ready to do that. He just was on that. I was watching girlfriends at the gym today, I got.
I got nothing. I watched an episode and a half on the fucking bike. Damn.
He's dying it trying to figure out this new slang, Bruce, Bruce, I gotta.
Put to it, man. I think it's time for the podcast. I'll hurt yourself.
Speaking of the podcast, you came to us with a conspiracy theory that I would say, like, uh, is a tale that I knew. It's as long as I've known life. It is a conspiracy I've heard I live. Oh you believe in this? My mama told me, don't split the pole.
Yeah, that's that's straight. Oh my god, people, that's superstitious, you know, blitting the pole. Not I don't believe in it. You believe that, Yeah, I don't. Like I'm my uncle super said. Don't put your hat on the bed. Don't put your hat on the bed. Don't let a woman touch your wallet. Also is in my house. Don't see my feet you.
Yeah.
And then if a cat going across the street going to the left, you got to turn around and go the other way, you know that one. A black cat gotta gola cause you can't let him cross you. Black cat cross you, and then you got to double back. Got double back, My uncle he would do. He would turn that cat like around. Holdly, did you see.
The turn the car or did you see that cat cross the street going through the lord ship.
That must have been so inconvenient for his fans.
Oh my goodness, like a ten point turning the Cadillac too.
That's like you.
She was short dude by five too, you know what I'm saying. So he was up here, he wasn't he.
Was more like this.
Didn't turn it like.
Hold yeah, yeah, superstitions people believe.
I never did. No, I never did believe. But I was splitting the poll was one of the things that you didn't do.
Are you Are you in no way of superstition? No? No, no. So so you you walked through the world, you ain't looking at none of the signs. Once you're like, no, this is all.
I just watched people. You know what I'm saying. I just watched the people because it's superstitious. Nothing people. You got to watch what they're going to do.
Historically, superstitions don't bomb countries. That's true, you know what I mean. That's a person thing. Yeah, walking under the ladder didn't have anything to do with Afghanistan. Remember walking the ladder?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, umbrelling in the house, Yeah, i'mbrelling the house.
Drones, the walking under the ladder one I at least understood of, like, all right, should be falling, you know what I mean? Like this makes sense that like in theory, walking under someone else doing physical labor, it is probably not the right instinct. I should go around. But like some of them don't even feel like they come from a grounded place. It's just like if that mirror break, you never be able to leave sleep again.
It's ruined seven years.
Yeah.
Yeah, but if you ever broke a mirror, it does it doesn't feel good.
No, it doesn't feel good. It feels bad. Okay, see you ever walk into the last night. That's why your.
Full speed and that's not very fast. But look.
You're getting faster.
I heard, yeah, but no, the superstitition, it's just I think that's stupid.
That's how I think. Here's how I view it is. Like I do think it's stupid, but I have a caution. I'm like, I think it's stupid, but I don't want to It's it's like it's like talking to the devil, where you're like, I think that may be that, but I'm not doing it. Yeah you know what I mean? Yeah?
Yeah, you believe in right hand, left hand engine you're getting money. If you're right hand inching, you're getting a letter. In your left hand, you're getting money. You know that. I got to take you something different. That's it, right, who wait, but you don't believe it. I just feel either hand, I'm scratching. Yeah, I'm a scratching man.
There's not a lot more on that that's right.
I was also gonna say it was splitting the pool. Whatever you're doing, it feels like its up the pace of it. That's another thing about splitting the more. If we're walking together, we're you know, we're going this side, it feels like it ruins the flow of a walk as well.
And I can see that, you know what I'm saying. I can see that. Yeah. Yeah, but not just splitting the pole. You gonna have bad.
No, you shouldn't eve split the pole anyway. If you were a girl, that's come on, that's who I walk with the most. That's right, you too.
Yeah. You turn to me as if I was like longing for reassuring.
No, no, no, no, he was waiting on you.
I wasn't you got a wife, man, I'm not trying to be her if that's what you were worried about.
No, no, no, he didn't think like that. How know you've been married man, man like six months? Oh no, you don't even know baby. Yeah, yeah, he's.
Still doing all.
He's still steeper job.
Yeah, he's not splitting the pole because they're still holding hands.
You better believe it, you know what I mean?
Oh yeah, well, you're hurt I've evolved past hands. Brother, I've been in this too long, you know what I mean? Yeah, hands are not the important I'm married.
Yeah, okay, I can't get rid of it.
She won't leave. Okay, I'm too good to her.
Leave. What are you?
Would you just leave? She go to the kitchen.
Yeah, you know, harright, headed of course, women don't want to run everything.
That is true.
Your wife run everything in the period. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't play, I don't have I don't play the radio.
Oh yeah, I don't, she ask me. I do pick the music in the car. That's because I don't drive.
Though. We talked about it.
I know you had to pants in your house, but she picks she picks them out.
Yeah, I'm not getting pants that she doesn't like. Well, I also am not going crazy with pants, so we talk about that.
Well.
The thing is, man, I don't I don't dress like my wife. You know, some people's couples dressed are like that. And if you want, if you have a problem or you have a situation, talk to me. Don't tell me nothing, talk to me hey, Or if you got a good idea, why don't you try this? Because if I feel that you're telling me what to do. You're gonna have a problem out of me. Yeah, you know what I mean. So just talk to me, because I'm gonna talk to you. Talk to me about these pants.
And if and if your wife is listening right now, you heard it.
Listen, you heard it, she can listen. I don't. I don't play.
Now, where does you are religious? You are not superstitious? Where does conspiracy theory land in that space for you? Does that? Is that too close to superstitious? It is? I just believe in God and let him do it. Yeah? Yeah, So you're like, man, I'm not even calculating for what the world is doing.
And I wouldn't say I'm more religious. I just I believe in God. But I'm more spiritual than anything. I can look at a person be like, oh he's not right. You know that's a spirit You can pick it up. I can look at a person, Oh they're pretty cool, you know, so I can. When you're spiritually, you pick up on stuff. You can pick it up instantly as soon as you see him. You know that person not right when you see him. And most women have it and they don't use it because they like this guy.
They know this guy is not worth a quarter, and they still say, well, I'm not going to get with him. He doesne shot everybody at the church, but she thinks she can change it. Cannot change.
Yeah, and shot one and that's me and I'm gonna be in love with him. Man, he didn't shoot me, which means about me. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I I I am so bought into conspiracy theory. There they are so separate. You guys are deep in it. Yeah. We talked about some very silly ship over here.
That's all right, man. I mean I think I read one that white people can't cook something like that.
That that is, that is you don't believe that.
I mean that one wasn't proven on him. I used to work with a really get down with exact name. His name was Jerry Fower. He's passed away now, but he's one of the best cooks I've seen in my life.
Yeah. Now, was he a great cook independent of black influence? Yeah, Like he grew up in a white community, learned he was overage boys. You know, you know, ill you.
Have dipped up, use half spray, let's go, you know, cowboy boots Joge. That's jeans members on the jacket. You know what I'm talking about. Fucking get down with the food.
You know.
Yeah, he was good and you know he was edgy, you know, you know he was racist or not. You know, he was kind of edgy, but he was cool.
You knew. You just didn't want to. But if you, if.
You did your work, he was cool. And it was with anybody didn't kept you black and wife.
I think anytime you're like, you don't know, he's not.
Him using the N word. He said, yeah, who, Yeah, who's out there? You know, because you're trying not to.
Use in word. Yeah, you knew you were gonna come talk to me. You respect me enough? Is that word? Oh?
If you spending right and put them hands on yeah, oh my god, Oh these hands are blind fold Come on, give him that.
Doctor. I get doctor, I get to him.
He's six five.
I would jump up and slap ship out of him.
Doctor Phil, keep tuning in. Listen to me, Listen to me. Don't stop being a listener just because burst Bird's gonna say that. Ain't got nothing to do with it. I see is going down. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna take a break more Bruce Bruce more Ma, Mama told me you can't calm. Ain't got on me, and we ain't got ship on him. We can freaking calm. I don't have anything on him. I got nothing on get calle Frem. Yeah, he wants to go to the top of that tower with the white woman. Let him go.
Let him go, man, I did she she?
Uh? In the the later tellings of the story really got in his face. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like, I think in the original he just like snatched the lady off the street and like climbed to the top of the tower. But then like in the new versions, he like builds a pretty meaningful relationship with this woman. Was like, yeah, he should be able to take her to the top of the tower. I've always been on kongside. They they always now make it seem like this woman
kind of is dating King Kong. He didn't.
Yeah, you're right.
It didn't come out of nowhere. There's like this weird sexual chemistry between her and King Kong. I was strong with King.
Come, I didn't say what was wrong with the lady.
Was strong with King. You want the lady? That little that little king had a rough life. Man, he didn't grow up around other Kongs on the Kong over there. King Kong got bodied, this morphe got somewhere self hating shit.
Yeah, it's tough because there's no missus call No, there was never. They never got him god Zilla, they never got women.
They just love sniffing white ladies.
And that's that's what he did.
Yeah that's not that's that's the nasty behavior. King Kong ye can't be doing that. But I still like it. You still like him, you still want him free? Oh yeah, freaking of course always. I always related more to him than anyone else in that film. Yeah, we were talking about splitting the pole. I wasn't gonna explore further. It felt irresponsible, you know what I mean. Like, I'm not about to sit here and explore further why the monkey is who you connected with most in a fucking movie.
That's not good for me. That's not good for him, not good for me either. Yeah, it's not good for any of us. But hey, I'm gonna move on. Okay, and King Kong. I don't really like any of them.
I look at these idiots. I like Jack, that was your favorite guy. I like him period. Oh yeah, School of Rock was a good movie.
Yeah, an American treasure. Yeah, he's he's white forty. Yeah, that's that's Jack Black is white forty.
Yeah.
You just go and be silly and make up words and yeah, man, he's he makes music, but that's his cultural imprint is more important than the you know what I mean, Like, that's the funny movie. I'd like to see Jack Black and E forty, Jack Black and forty back to back, REBOOTE the weapon. Jack's getting too old for this, that's that's that's printing money. I was trying to think about how forty would say I'm getting too old for this, and I can't think of him because
he has a gift. Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. He has a gift. I don't have. Also shout out to all his foods, the goon with the spoon. M you've got a lot of goon with the spoon. Yeah, he's got a whole food line. He's got sausages and all kinds of stuff. You like it?
Yeah, hell yeah, I like it more than the alcohol, of which I've also tried off.
Okay, yeah, but he likes to cook too, Yeah, yeah, that's fire. He sells Slurricane now as in like a bottle. Yeah, whoa, and then Steven's reserve the winery. We're not, this is just a pro E forty park.
Yeah, big thing.
I keep up on it. I like him. We were talking about splitting the pole earlier. One of the things that I've I learned in research is that part of the reason where this superstition is sort of born is this premise out of essentially like slavery. Most things as we now know, come from slavery in some form or fashion. But it was mostly about like luck in not wanting
to untether your soul from another person. So, like you, when you walk with somebody, we are so connected, we are sharing our souls with each other, and to split a pole means that our souls are being severed from that connection. And so you're not meant to split a pole because it's bad luck for your relationship and then your greater growth as a unit. Definitely sound Yeah, please don't leave me.
That's also what happens on this podcast a lot. So when it comes with something and then we're like, oh, it's.
A silly thing. Ye, yeah, it's unfortunate. Apparently the way that you the way that you you could fix the splitting the pole if you should so unfortunately split poles with somebody. The way you fix it is to say bread and butter, because bread and butter. When you apply butter to bread, they are permanently tethered together. You can't like unbutter bread and so bread and butter means that we are back as one.
Yeah, what about peanut butter and jelly.
Again, slavery, I don't think they had that option, you know what I mean, Like, what the fuck is jelly?
Peanut butter came out after jelly.
I think peanut butter probably came first. Really. Yeah, African people were doing peanut butter. Oh they always equate it to George Washington Carver, but that wasn't even his thing peanut butter. He was way more focused on like using peanut oils to like create like real like medicines and stuff. And then they discounted like he was making machinery oils and medicines. He was doing crazy stuff with peanuts, and then they always like undermine it by being like, oh,
he just made peanut butter. It's also a West African crop, That's what I'm saying. Like certain they only make like grondnuts too, and like, I guess, the more I think about it, you they have like I guess it is peanut butter. It's just like ground peanuts and sugar. And then it's like in a block with you. I think peanut butter is ancient. Yeah, and I think how old is jelly? Jelly's like jelly came out with atari, you know what I mean, that came out the same day. No,
I feel like Jelly's a couple. No, I'm joking, but but yeah, I think comparatively, peanut butter to me was like this is like old old country sort of stuff. Jelly feels like science comparatively, Okay, yeah, No, nobody wants to weigh in. Nobody knows the ancientness of jelly. I don't know. I don't know when gelatin came out. Gelatin, I bet is probably more ancient and jelly. Yeah, I don't even know what we're talking about it because we're just mushing up body parts to make gelatin.
Okay, you know what I mean? Like I think they, I mean, jelly been around for years. Grandmother that used to make it. Yeah, you know, they didn't call it Jelly called it preserve.
Yeah. When did. Do you remember when there was like a ship for calling things jelly versus preserves.
But my grandmothers always say preserved. She used to make lemon jelly. Okay, lemons, she's a bad girl.
Yeah, you just sitting mush and sugar and stuff.
And ball the lemons, ball them to They couldn't betten. Just my granddaddy loved it.
Damn, damn.
I can't even imagine asking my wife to make me some lemon.
Jelly, you know, biscuit country hand.
Oh no, I would love it. I'm not rooting against it happening. I just can't imagine stepping to her and be like, maybe.
I'm craving a lemon don't know how to make it.
That's that's true, you know what I mean? And I did marry wrong. I agree what.
She can learn how to make jelly, don't throw it out the window.
I just mean that I married a person that doesn't know how to make lemon jelly. I was just joking, okaying, No she doesn't. She doesn't, and she doesn't listen to me in general, and in that way, that's that's how we work, okay, And that's why you can't get this jelly across. That's why she can't even hear it. I'm screaming, you know what I mean. It's like a scene from Ghosts. You know. No, I'm warning her. We should take a break,
take one more break. We're gonna take one more break, and then when we come back, Bruce is we're gonna do a voicemail. We have a voicemail from from a caller that we want you to review with us. We're very excited about this one. And then it'll be fun. Okay, more Bruce, Bruce more. Ma Mama told me.
You bitch I called him.
Nobody supposed to be here.
Well, bitch I came up.
Fuck, we came to read this voicemail. Listen, listen. I'm still thinking about this song.
Now, you're right.
That was a great song. That was a beautiful to Deborah Cox and also this lady who is not Deborah Cox. Yeah, we are no way affiliated with de Cox. You remem that video. Yeah, she's fine.
Yeah, she was like she was like on the on the farm, like just man singing it.
Yeah. Man, nineties fine, what was unbelievable when it like when you were there in the nineties, the way women were fine. It truly felt phenomenal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, let's play this voicemail. Let's do it.
First of all, y'all ain't gonna gas like me with that weird, freaky voice message and then act like we're the one who be acting weird. Leave the message. That's y'all ask her for it.
Okay.
Anyways, all right, so it's not really a theory, but I got stereotype. I went in the grocery store, and outside of the grocery store house Scout. I was like, yo, girl, Scout, cookie time, let's go. I come outside, I'm gonna have some cash. I'll be right back. I come back outside, Okay, give me two boxes. And he was like which one? I go ten minutes and the mom said I knew it, but damn, and I kind of laughed it off at first, until as I was walking back to the park a
lot with my cookies and I realized I'd have been stereotyped. Yeah, thin mint girl cut cookies are the new ports.
I knew it.
I knew it was black man, and just knew I needed that.
He's gonna want that green Yeah, yeah, you got got man, Yeah, I got you. I don't know what to tell you there's not even really anything to expand all you really, you took a big l there. That was tough. That was really tough, man, you really, because she is. It'd be one thing if she did it under her breath, you know what I mean, if she like passively was like she said it, she looked you in the eyes and said, I knew it. I knew your black ass
was gonna want some thin mints. I got three boxes left, yes, say you damn Yeah, I was crazy a lot. That's a lot of cookies.
I think.
I think I think he found a source. And I think you don't end up buying Girl Scout cookies multiple times, right, I think most people, once you find one, you're like, I, I did it, I got my cookies.
You get it once a season. Yeah, this Girl Scout cookie season. Let me go on and get all the ones for this season.
You go ahead, stash up And yeah, I don't even fout cookies like that. We have them because my wife has a friend whose niece is like in it, and so like will support her by proxy, but like, nah, we're not. Yeah, and that's the thing. The stereotype is fair. We do like them the most. I think in my house, then.
I like the I like the peanut butter ones. I like the short bread ones. I even like the samoans. No that that's what they're called. That can't be what it is. Yeah, so samoa's. Yeah, the peanut butter ones are crazy.
The chocolate covered those go nuts too. I like a lot of them. But men thin mint stands above the rest for me. You like men chocolate chip, I it is.
The one for me.
Yeah. If you mixed mint and chocolate. Hell yeah, see, I'm like this too, toothpaste. You give me candy, No, I'm into it. I get it though. Yeah, make chocolate refreshing. That's just dope.
Like the Girl Scouts have changed samoas to caramel delights, just so you're.
Oh, that's good. I thought you were gonna say to Tongans it's is a general Pacific islander cookie. Yeah, yeah, you got got that sucks man. I don't I don't really have you didn't really ask for advice, But I don't really have much to tell you.
Yes, it's unfortunate that happened to you. If it is still Girl Scout season, if you want to go back to that grocery store and confront that woman. I think that's your right.
Yeah, go back with one hundred bucks and be like, give me all the tonguans you got.
This was amazing this, thank you, thank you for being here, No, thank you? Could you could you tell the people where they can find you so you can go.
To w w W Bruce that's Bruce dot com.
Let's go.
Hey, you can tell me your likes and your dislikes, and if you want to go into my social media, it's my Bruce Bruce. And also March third, my Netflix special drops.
Let's go, so.
Let me let you all know I'm gonna take them through that. Take them through that. Yeah, it's really good.
It's called Ain't Playing.
So make sure you check the Bruce Bruce Netflix special out March third, twenty.
March third, you better be watching Bruce. That's cold.
Let's go what you got cool guy jokes eighty seven, I don't I don't have a special coming out, watch the old one. Come see me in Langston in New Orleans March nineteenth through twenty second. Yep, and you know that's it for now.
Yeah, you can follow me at Langston Carman on all social media platforms. You can send us your drops, your conspiracy theories you can send us. Uh, I don't know, motherfucking sad stories that have happened with Girl Scout Cookie leaders. All to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. Call us at eight four or four Little Moms follow, Follow the Patreon.
Yehscribe to the patreon TikTok that I think a lot of people follow us on TikTok.
We don't get on there because we're old, but yeah, it seems like people like it. Yeah, people are very excited about the TikTok. So keep doing all that stuff and most importantly, enjoy yourself. Bye, bitch, Why are you coming? Something's going on? Can I smell? Yo? Did? My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Created and hosted by Langston Krag.
Co hosted by David Bordi. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique. Co produced by Bee Wayne.
Edited and engineered by Justin Kahk.
Music by Nick Chambers.
Artwork by Doegon Kreeger.
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