Dollar Tree Stores Make Porn (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie)

You know what's fucked up about the dog? Stellar is an idiot. So she walks in backwards. Really, it's very strange. She walks in the rooms backwards sometimes. I don't know if it's a poodle thing or was there's a standard black poodle so like, so I'll be looking and then she'll be like.

Back it in, yeah, telling you, dumb bitch.

I love her, you do, and that's okay, No, I do. Look you saw when when the cameras when it's just me and her, I were very very close once the cameras are off. But that could have been a performance. I don't know that. It's like likes to come on, coming off, even want tonight together, doesn't I'm racists money stuff.

I can't tell me, Yo, little nigga, ain't mine look just like genuine?

There it is there, it is.

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentiles alike. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theory.

And we finally worked to prove conspiracy theories as a whole. We just want them to exist, We want them out there, make it, make you sick.

I want you to feel nasty. Come on.

Uh we got an email.

Okay, let's read that.

A lot of emails, a lot of voicemails. Uh we We could not appreciate y'all more for contacting us.

I do want to say one thing. Yeah, we are not the little freakys.

Oh.

I've seen some talk on the Reddit, of which there is one. Now that's good to know. There's two hundred ninety nine black people on Reddit. They said bit worth a little freakies and they're the little mama. No, I don't like that at all. I hate it.

I don't think. I don't think that I'm not freaky. That doesn't even make sense. That doesn't even make sense.

You're stupid.

I'm not even gonna play this game with you. It doesn't make sense. You're stiid all right, I'm not gonna do you know what I mean. I'm not gonna defend myself like a man. I'm gonna defend myself like a child. You are wrong, You're stupid and your dad is ugly.

That is not true.

We are not little freakies in any form.

Nope, they call me big freak. They don't call me anything. Freaky. You leave me out of there. That's his business. I can I can't. I don't want to like any of this. I don't want it. You know what it was when that lady said it on that voicemail, I did not like the way that it felt. She said, Hey, little freaky.

Yeah, you keep saying lady, and I don't think it was a lady.

I'm not here to gender anyone. That's sort of the thing. Whoever it was. Yeah, that feminine voice.

Yeah, I think we can agree on that.

Yeah. Yeah, objectively feminine voice called us little Freaky's and I didn't care for it one bit. Yeah, it's that's tough. Yeah, little Mamas is cool for you. I don't want a name.

No, we're We're just two men who who you admire?

Yeah, who are in no way freaky.

We got an email with the subject line. You pointed out this email, very exciting one. It popped subject line dollar tree be making porn videos.

You not going to open that? You gotta check that out. Yeah, I got about five more minute. Yeah, you can do some light reading. What's that. I'm in the office working.

I don't know when I'll be finished. I gotten some new information. You know what I visured as a dog walking in and being like, huh, we.

Got to email us a dollar to be making porn videos and the person said, what's up, y'all Before we even get into this, it's.

Been some time. Yeah, Yeah, I don't go often, do you go? Probably was in the last calendar year. Okay, Yeah, they just have all kinds of shit in there.

Yeah, I I don't have any time for perusing anymore. Yeah, you children, children take away that ability, and so like I go to the store completely for function. Damn, they can't just pop in, no, and and there's nothing in there that like I get it. It probably is cheaper, but the the the all the necessities can't be covered. So I'm not making that extra stop to like save some money on my dish washing liquid and then have to still go to a different store for everything else.

I got you. Yeah, but I miss it. Yeah.

It used to be my favorite activity with me and my mom with like we go to Dolatry and I could get like a yeah, some toys, coloring books.

Yeah, you get some weird Yeah, that's the best part. You always talk to.

Somebody into throwing some candy in at the end, because they got you.

Know what I mean.

They trap you, say grocery stores, but they really entice you at the dollat.

Because it's like messy, like at your like at your kids, like a bad kid's house. Yeah.

Ship, it felt homish in that way. I could play in the a little bit. Yeah, no matter, you just tell them up front. They'll be like, that didn't come that way, son. I get paid a dollar.

You are my tree.

We got an email from from a person named Freddie. He said, what's up, y'all, it's your boy, Freddie. I like how he talks to us, emailing y'all one more time times, he said, But I was being respectful, Freddie. I know this probably sounds crazy, but I think the store Dollar Tree might be in the porn business. It does sound crazy, Freddy. Initially it sounds fucking nuts.

Man.

It sounds like you you're out of your goddamn mind. But I'm willing to listen. You won't be the first crazy person I listened to. So I came across this video where Nigga was walking through a store with his dick out and kind of trying to get people to see it. I ended up going down this rabbit hole.

Hold on, Freddie. Yep, I came across this vide now, Freddie, Yeah he didn't see it on Instagram. No, that ain't that's not Instagram friendly. That's I think. I think you were one of three main sites all with the X in the title or two or two or three. Yeah, he's walking through the store with his dick out and kind of trying to get people to see it. That's also not good. It's not good.

But it's also like he's walking through the store. That means he has someone filming this for him. Yeah, it's a multiple locations at least trying to give.

As the third person if it's a porno, probably the person who sees it and reacts is also.

Light sound and actors. Yeah, camera, light sound, this is the whole production we're talking about. You're Freddie, So, yeah, you're a sick fuck man. You're You're really on some twisted ship here, Freddy.

And like we've all seen weird porn on the internet. I'm not like, but yeah, I've seen people fucking in the store on the internet. Sure, but the dollar straight, I feel like it's mostly Bodega's that makes more sense. Have you ever seen those videos? Yeah, would be like ahead about yeah, yeah, video, but like actually.

Yeah, no, I have seen that, but that makes more sense. There's like one camera and two dudes. It's like, okay, I see how you could like feel comfortable enough to get away with this in the back real quick.

Yeah. Well, I've seen a lot where oh, boy is just like it's like this, you know what I mean, Like, so he's got the he's yeah, I didn't presume he was getting the CCTV footage. Oh okay, No, but you said two dudes, two dudes working the store.

Okay, there is a big enough staff to hold you accountable if you find the right corner to hide your shenanigans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, but no, I I can't say that I've seen any major corporation fucking very.

People, fucking Walmart too. Walmart, it's a big store. It's a big. Dollar Tree is not that big somehow? Okay, that one in Highland Park's pretty big, is it? Yeah? That might be a General. Yeah, I know dollar Tree to be about three to four aisles, trying to think of it. Might be a Dollar General. You're right, I fucked up anyways, long aisles, but yeah, yeah, three or four the Bad Boys.

Yeah, anyway, Freddy goes on to say, so I came across this video and them dick out trying to get people to see it. I ended up going down this rabbit hole where I kept clicking on these videos with people doing the same thing. It seems like a couple different guys doing the same thing, either flashing their dick or sometimes they get jerked off by someone or nut on someone. Okay, I mean they go a little crazy.

Not a flashing isn't a car. You can't just be going around nutting on people. No, that's we're truly insane. That's a lot more work than I'm sorry continue it's the timing is impeccable, That's what I mean. Like, yeah, you know, I don't know about you, but what it's gonna happen, It's gonna happen.

That's my main problem. That's my biggest critique with me. Oh really, he says, I mean they go a little crazy. Sometimes it's different stories, but the majority of the videos happen in dolatry I mean, it's a lot of these videos happening in Dolatry, so I know they gotta have cameras and all that. So if they putting a stop to it and and ain't trying to get the videos taken off the internet, they must.

Be in on it. What y'all think is what Freddy says. Wow, is it weird if I go to a site and I type in dollar tree right now? Uh No, I don't think that's weird. I think you can go type in dollar tree. I just want to see what happens. Uh, I don't think because I want I want to know the amount. If it's just like five videos, I don't think they're in on it. If it's like a bunch of video. Yeah. See, this one didn't even show the side I went to. Didn't even show any dollar tree. Mm. Well,

He said, Hey, y'all had to hit you up again because I just decided to google this ship while I was on my lunch break.

Yo.

There's a lot of o's in that Yo. This ship is wild. I'm talking about bitches is getting nutted on in dollar trees in Houston, Philly, Who the fuck knows where else?

Well, now this feels like a Don Julio's Popeye crossover. Yeah, the same places. It's a similar rollout. Yeah, me, he says, he said, Philly, Who the fuck knows where else?

Meek Mill is hunting these niggas down dollar trees, dollar tree getting sued. Yeah, they definitely got something to do with them videos. Y'all need to look into this shit. And then he linked a article, a very real article from the New York Daily News that says that Meek Mill is basically has a bounty out for somebody who ejaculated on someone else in a dollar tree. The Meek Mill himself is hunting the dollar tree in Philly, in Philly, the dollar tree nut Bandit.

Is he upset that this happened in his city. I can't tell.

I can't tell if this is like Meek mil as Batman, or if this like happened to his aunt and and he's like, nah, nobody does that to Genie Mill.

Okay, his name is just really right, thinks Ah damn. There's a lot to take in it. It is a lot because it also doesn't seem like your traditional porno.

No.

If it's just like nutting on people, that feels way too I don't understand what Dollar Tree would have to gain by this, I guess is where I am with the idea of this being an anything other than it makes me just feel like maybe Dollar Trees are poorly run. I think so that they can you can just go in there a nut on somebody.

I think if I'm if I'm Dollar Tree, what benefit do I have in shutting this down? Like they don't do any advertising, at least not that I've seen. You don't watch Dollar Tree commercials. They are mostly living off of the fact that they're a dollar in word of mouth in these communities. It can only serve them to keep these videos up, which leads me to believe that maybe you get a little little bit of a even if you're not producing pornography, you're getting a kickback.

Do you think so, because like, I don't think people are watching that video and being like, damn, I gotta go a dollar treat.

I'm just saying that, like if I if you have to google my shit and more more things pop up, it only services people showing up to your your place of business.

I guess so.

But it's all Walmart's success is that we keep repeating the name Walmart, even if it's a joke, Walmart, Wally's World, you know what I mean. Like the whole shit is being like Walmart is cheap and sad and for the you know what I mean, and for the destitute also incredible deal. But everybody still likes Walmart. Dollar Tree loses nothing by being the porno dollar store.

Okay, So I get it's crazy. I don't know. I guess what I met on this is I feel like, ultimately I could see Dollar Tree not doing something. I think that that's a good point. I don't think they're making it. I don't think they're filming it.

You don't think they're offering up Dollar Tree uh dollar Tree footage to make it happen.

I don't think they're saying, hey, you can nut in here, right right.

There's so funny if there's a sign that says no shirt, no shuice, no service, but go ahead and nothing no nut, no service, mo nut no.

Yeah. So I don't think that. I don't think that I could see them not doing anything about it, because it's like I don't know, we just talked about it. When you go into Dollar Tree, it tends to be in disarray anyways, right, ships upside down? So what's a little nut. Yeah, it's probably peeing the floor. Aren't they carpeted? No, that's that's title Florid.

I at least when I was a kid, I feel like they were like carpeted and ship. It's not a yeah, it's a bad situation all together. I guess it's the point that, yeah, it's not good. It's not ideal for anybody. So, yeah, if somebody's in there nothing and doing all kinds of shenanigans, I'm sure they have all kinds of crazy things happen every day in Dollar Tree.

They have no reason to be like we. We draw the line at niggas showing a dick to people. I would once again like to go back to what your man was doing when he stumbled across this.

Freddie, you really gotta you really gotta be honest with us. Freddy, you can't lie to us so we can help you because you need help.

You're trying to make this about like us looking into that, when in fact you are part of the problem. Yeah, you're trying you're trying Kansas City hustle, Like, look that way, you're going.

That way, You're you're you're the vast majority of the clicks on these videos, and you got to reflect on.

Because like you went down a rabbit hole and then what stopped that? Nothing? I think it was the similar action to what happened in the Dollar Tree. Yeah, I think he not. And then he was like that was crazy. I welcome to enterprise.

Okay, ten thirty good good good, still got a whole day ahead of me.

Yeah.

I think you're a sick person. Freddy and and and thank you for sending us this.

This is really funny.

It's really funny. It's really helpful for us to read it. And we pray for for anybody at the Dollar Tree who doesn't want to see a dick and doesn't want to be nutted on, because apparently them videos are out there.

Yeah, that's majority of people at Dollar Tree. Yep.

Yeah, I would assume, yeah, that don't want to see a dick and don't want to be nutted on.

Yeah, that's like the most sinister for in a porn too, is that. I think that's one of the more sinister things that pornography does is. I think it's like it makes women seem like they're just like I just need it, you know what I mean. But you ever met a dude who thought that bang bus was real and you're like, h yeah, you know what I mean. It's bad. Yeah. I met a grown man older than me one time. I remember he's trying to convince me bang Bus was real.

I think I think that was what made the girls going wild shit so sad.

At least for me.

It is like I, as a kid would see those commercials and be like, oh, those women were happy.

Yeah, they were having fun.

Yeah you know what I mean, Like there was nothing I didn't have the maturity in the know how to recognize that, like, oh they're blackout drunk and being just completely manipulated into these weird moments.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it was white girls having fun home. Yeah yeah yeah.

No.

That shit was dark too, It's very dark. Well, now I find done. Girl's gone wild in a dollar Tree with some Don Julio chicken. All I'm saying, I'm looking for a brand partnership. Come on, Don Julio, dollar Tree, you're picking your you gotta find some new territory.

No, no.

Yeah, that's the access of evil.

You're truly on the wrong side of history.

Yeah, that's no, that's terrible, that's terrible.

We need to take a break, all right, Let's take a break and when we come back, maybe we'll do one more email or yeah, we got time. Yeah, we're gonna take a break. More David, more Langs than more.

My mama told me ugly, you're disgusting. I'm gonna kill you. Give me two hundred dollars. Matter of fact, make it three. We're back, and we want your money. We want your money real bad. I'd like we have a voicemail. We have we have a series, a series of voicemails.

Before we get into it, I would like to point out that Olivia's messaged us regarding the Dollar Tree porn conversation that we just got out of. Olivia sent us a message that says, and I'm quoting here, there seems to be a Dollar Tree porn video section on porn hub.

F yi, Oh what were you doing, Olivia? You just happened upon the video. There's a section, there's a whole section apparently. I feel like, for research purposes, we.

Should figure this out. Yeah, yeah, there's no law against going on porn hub and looking up dollartry.

Right, yeah, you should maybe do it on your I just got my shit set up. Yeah. I don't really want to corrupt my myself with this, but I am eighteen years or older and this is nasty.

Okay, good for them Dollar Tree. It really starts you off.

Wild on the old porn hub. I've never been a porn hub guy. Me neither. This ain't this ain't where I be at. That's not my not my neighborhood. Yep, here it is Dollar Tree porn videos. How do we do this so that they can't see? I don't know that they're gonna be able to see. Oh sh yeah, there's it's definitely a certain race.

It's ebony freak caught fucking at Dollar Tree. There's also using my clit sucker and flashing at Dollar Tree. Then there's a bunch of videos of dudes fucking trees. WHOA this dude really is.

Out of a tree? He said. Goddamn. Yep, there's not there's not that much. I want to describe it as a section. This is not that much.

There's like a few videos and it's mostly what appears to be the same lady, Maybe.

Go to categories. Is there a categories. We've got ebony, We've got bb W, We've got some whole female, a lot of.

Cream pie. Of course, who could forget America's favorite pastime, cream pie.

Yeah, they don't have a dollar tree section.

Hardcore Japanese music. It goes mature, milk, muscular man music, old young.

Yeah, I'm not.

I'm not seeing this isn't in alphabetic order, and there doesn't seem to be an entire section dedicated to it.

I can hate the way porn looks. What do you mean? I think that pornocyites look like it looks like a bathroom wall to me, like covered in graffiti. It's just like smart smashing together. I don't like it. Oh, it's like that's why I don't. I can't even I don't even look I look at it on my phone. I can't even look at it at the side, Like that's too big.

It's hard to process that much all at once. Yeah, the way that that feels, I get why people start to become desensitized to the act because you're just you see literally everything, even if your preference is not like the crazy shit they throw you the crazy shit right when you get there just to test them waters.

And then the ads on top of it. It's just like it's like the whole it's like it's over stimulating, and then it's on top of like the color. It's just like it's just it's I just I don't really I don't really think it is, like I don't really ride for like porno is like an art form or whatever. I think it's kind of trash. But you let me ask this.

You don't think that there's uh that the artistry is also buried under sort of like the the you know, the over saturated, the over fucking capitalization of the websites. They like, the videos themselves could be artistry, but they they're just buried on these fucking horrible websites that show you everything at once.

I mean possibly, but I think that we make excuses because we're nutting. These aren't good movies. Well no, they're horrible movies, yeah, but effective movies for nutting. Yeah. Yeah, So as somebody you saw on the street, it's like, if you didn't have porno, you would still be able to not it's not achieving a very difficult thing.

Yeah, But I would say and I'm surprised that I feel this passionately about it.

But soft core porn on I don't.

First of all, I don't watch softcore porn. I'm not like sitting around we were talking about a preference.

I'm not googling.

Porn hubsoft. You're being crazy. I prefer it did not be graphic cream pies. This is what I'm saying. But more importantly, I'm saying that, like, to me, part of the artistry is being able to create circumstances where you mean, any random person could nut from a single video, and that it requires length, it requires a sort of like commitment to different like positions and styles and fucking sort of allowing people to see themselves in these individual like.

You know what I mean, Like I thinking, I think these people.

While it's not an art I hope to replicate, I do acknowledge it is an art form.

I think it's kind of I think it's smart. I think smart can't be like I like it better. I think I think there's more of a case for the amateur of the stuff that people make themselves than the highly produced I'm stuck or whatever.

No, Yeah, I think it's art in the same way that Tyler Perry is art. It's meant to serve an audience, and it serves it effectively, even though I don't find it to be Uh, you know the mark of anyone's talent.

Mhm, I hate that ship. Yeah, I get it.

I'm not I'm not defending the videos. I will watch them with you later if you'd like.

But I like music. I gotta know about you guys. I think that pit is gone now. I go to a pornhub for the latest drops.

Stop releasing on SoundCloud.

We're listening on porn him Yeah, come on go where your audience is your core audience. They're jacking on. We over on point right next to muscular men.

Uh.

We got a voice mail. We got a voicemail. I think that's where we left off. I don't know how we ended up on porn up. I didn't start today when I woke up. Yep. I didn't think I was gonna see porn with you. No, I didn't see that coming. Didn't cross my mind once. No, not at all. But we we saw some stuff and we're I think better for it. Yeah, nothing in my genre really? What's your what would you describe as your genre? Large okay, and uh,

I think so, I don't like the way you say it, you know what I mean? I was very respective. You're being very like coded in a way that makes it feel like you got a part of this spectrum that I'm not quite queued in on.

But no, no, no, no, no, no, I think I think we probably cross paths. Yeah, I hear you.

We got an email, a voicemail. Yeah, let's please, we should play this before we feel.

More uncomfortable to this. Who knows who sent this? But I'm excited to hear it.

Here we go, like, bitch, what is that?

Hold on? She crazy? What was that? To be fair, I've never heard the email or I've never heard the voicemail? Yeah? Have you? This is? This is I've heard this before. Yeah, but no, no, no, I've never heard what happens when you call the voicemail? Oh like what we say to them? Yeah, we said something probably not nice. Let's let's let's pull it. You're gonna call the number? Just the yeah, because I don't know what she's laughing at I don't know either,

Okay, Okay, So you say you said something pretty fucked up to them, and now we're a little freaky. So this is really you're doing.

I think that you're going out on the little bit.

You really fucked us here. I don't think I go so far as to say I think that this is just well, now I understand why this person came on this way.

But let's let's go up that nigga from a congo.

How you doing anyway? Here? Is what my mama told me. Don't dam told me that black air force energy is real.

And.

Okay, let's talk a little bit. And I don't like the sound effects that she's doing. I kind of like you're into the sound. Okay, I think she could work on it, but that's fine.

Uh.

She She immediately is saying black air Force energy is real. That leads me to the question, do you believe in black force at Black Air Force and one air energy?

And if so, tell the people why not even just Black air Force energy? Black sneaker energy in general, I think has always carried a sinister tone. I don't know how to explain it. You just feel it, like and especially because we came up in a heavy white shoe era, right like what starting probably junior high school gauge. Yeah, I would say white air Force ones working for a long time throughout my youth. Yeah, same, same, same.

But you.

There's something about when the coach or when what's generally promoted as cool is like white or colorful and bright, the hard switch on that color palette does make you feel like something. Yeah, you know what I mean. I know about you know, you had your black shoes on. Remember that when the black Tea song came out, Gucci Man just talking about Yeah that's all I was scary. Yeah, Gucci Man had a lot of scary years. Yeah, it's just like bro it is a bad guy. Yeah, it's

I don't disagree. I definitely don't think it's it's as much a part of our our our shared consciousness as is often implied. But I do think something subconscious happens when you're like, nah, these won't scuff as easy, you know what I mean? Like these won't the dirt won't show. Then makes you feel like you could be a little more reckless. Yeah, and with that recklessness comes misbehavior, fighting, cussing all the time.

And I feel like the idea of even wearing all black seems like a more almost like tactical choice. Yeah, it seems like it's extreme function. We're wearing all white seems not functional. It's the functional outfits you can put exactly. It feels like sort of based in like that idea of like peacocky or whatever. Where all black feels like business like I'm doing I'm doing something like I'm on

Nobody's lacing those bad boys up unless you're fighting in fucking the that snow planet. Oh yeah, Star Wars.

Yeah yeah, everybody else's yeah, there you go. Yeah, I'm not heard. I don't even know I had. Is that really where they were at? It's one of them. I know it's one of them. It's the best I could do on short fair enough.

I shouldn't have sprung that on you.

Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, she's got other ship going on.

Yes, Black air Force energy is real. Basically, if you buy you a pair of Black Air Forces low tops, black streams, you will become a criminal.

That's it.

Everyone in out there used to wear Black Air Forces okay, laced up, hide in a bow and tight criminals. They also used to come with backpacks on too, in a ski mask.

However, Okay, let's.

Pause for a second. At some point, these are just crying tools. Yeah, you're not storrying to redress a slim jam in the guard and as saying, bitch, give me your money. If you say bitch, give me your money.

You're a criminal. We had cans of bear maids and they're friends with a man named No. They all have butterfly knives. Did you ever have a butterfly knife?

No?

I never had a cool knife. I've had like Swiss army knives. That's not a stab, it's not. I mean you when you're a kid, you keep it in your pocket and pretend like it could be.

But but I'm talking about you. Remember when people start carrying the real knives, were like, No, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wasn't around kids who had him. But but nah, I was never brave enough to to dabble. Were you a butterfly knife guy?

No?

I had one that I got it like the fair. No, I got it from the Mexican swapped me. Oh, because you could used to be able. There's like a knife guy. Sure, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I never was good at it, like the motion of like cause you like hang it down and then you flip it out and then over and catch it some shit like that. I was very good at it though. Did you ever cut yourself trying? Yeah, yeah, but mine wasn't two sided, it was just one sided the jack cut. Yeah, they

I think a man with a knife for no reason is pretty terrifying.

A kid kind of makes sense. A man with the knife is the worst. It's real unnerving. If you're thirty plus. Honestly, it's better if you have a gun. Yeah, I really think so, Yeah, over thirty years old. Yeah, it is less weird if you have a gun than if you have a knife.

I don't disagree with you. Like a for real cutting knife, not a like a for real stabby stabby knife, not not We're not just talking about like a knife at work because it's functional. A box cutter, yeah, I mean, like a legit knife is terrifying. Yeah, if you have the ship with the little clip on the outside.

That's scary, not the one with the sheet, yea one with the sheet. You actually are a killer, you or you're like a woodsman, you're right, you know, like you're mad country. I mean you kill animals. Oh yeah, and then that's less weird. But if you just got that little clippy clippy Remington Joy, you know what I'm yeah, yeah, hang it up.

She's describing a lot of details of what I agree are criminals, but that doesn't seem specific to the Black airs for air Force ones.

Let's continue.

This is why I know Black air Force Energy is real. They don't sell them in the stores anymore. You cannot find them in the stores. The only way to get a pair of Black air Forces.

And now it's a cliffhanger because she she leaves the second l is ma'am. She came back. She came back.

It's not the only place you can find them. She's gonna tell us, uh huh.

So this is the two part message because a minute and it's not enough time for me. So I'm gonna talk really fast, and you have to just low it down because I also know lengths and ain't gonna do that much research into this topic. But no, no, you can't get the Black Air Forces online anymore. You have to you, I mean you have to go to You have to get them online. You cannot get them in the store. When you put them things on, you will start to steal. I started to do it, and don't

Yeah?

And uh that's a.

Ma'am. I think you might just be a criminal psychopath. You're they weren't black enough? How do you paint it blacker?

You were like these, I need a I need a matte? Black is like, what the fuck? It's the blackest that that we make. There's no darker than Black Air Force ones.

I don't know what she means by that. It's truly the darker. I can't think of a shoe that's darker. I don't know what she was gonna paint on blacker. This woman, I think she is a criminal. I do think there is a level of a lot of times, especially when you're younger, goody kids can't dress well and all black is an intimidating Uh, it's like an easier persona to adapt to get you know what I mean? Just no, I just wear all black. I'm a tough guy. Yeah,

Like anytime you put on something that is not within like your your wheelhouse right inside of your pocket, be it all black, with a T shirt, whatever, anytime you're putting on something extra, you are being.

More vulnerable with the world than you were the moments before. Wow, I really never thought about it that way. I think that's what fact.

That's why people celebrate fashion innovation certainly is people being able to figure out something that we weren't.

Comfortable putting on and then you make it attractive. Why they talk about it in terms of like being daring.

Yeah, it's daring, it's interesting, it's sort of challenging the things that we expected. All of those things are what make fashion valuable. And it also for a person that's like truly not trying to share themselves, that's fucking scary, right, And so yeah, if you're all black, you're never finding yourself in a moment of vulnerability, of feeling like, oh no, I'm exposed, what will.

People think of me? I mean, I think it also just feels like a rebellion against that, because fashion does feel like the status quo a lot of times, especially when you are younger. Yeah, and the rebellion of that feels good, you know what I mean. Yeah, it makes you, It gives you agency. Yeah, like maybe these kids are maybe they're not criminals, maybe they're just black emos yeah or whatever. The white people. Yeah, that's not a criminal. He just said, you said God, which maybe though if

I do think I do wonder how much of this is just people struggling to participate in like the grander conversation of fashion and whatever. But then on the other hand, I do go a lot of fights I've seen it was a naked wearing black air force.

So and just like when you're all masked up, that does like you do feel that energy. Wearing all black is an energy that you bring to to whatever you're doing. That is it feels athletic.

It feel yeah like if I had to run in in my street clothes, I feel like I'd be fastest in all black. Yeah, I mean I think it feels it feels uniform in a way. It feels like soldier soldier adjacent. Yeah, you know what I mean.

I feel really suited and booted. Damn Well, I'm sure she's got more to say, but she steals. She does. She's a criminal. No, this is a bad lady.

I say, yeah, well according to the law.

And that's all I had to say, because now unless my train of thought, because you only give me a minute and a half to tell the story when Langston don't do no research, all.

Right, let's write a fucking minute. That's the way, a fucking minute.

Let's just down. You're being nasty.

You're speaking nasty about me, and I don't.

I didn't. First of all, she called you up by name twice twice. I do research.

I'm literally the only one that does do research. Sure, David doesn't help at all, and I won't start. And so if you are upset about me not doing research on this subject, fine, that's fine. No I'm not looking it up. I'm hearing this for the second time. I'm not looking it up.

That's fine.

But for you to somehow make this exclusively my problem is insane.

You're being nasty and I don't care for your attitude. Yeah, that's really interesting. Maybe that was holdover from before I got here. No, no, it's not. This is a nasty person who steals and I don't care for her attitude. Let's here's your the way it goes.

I love the podcasts, and get you a pair of Black Air Force shoes, get to a bear of Black Air Forces, and I promise you y'all niggas to be famous.

All right, that's a Now the tables have turned. That's a weird threat right at the end, that we could get famous from from wearing the Black Air Forces.

That's not what's been promised this entire time.

I have been thinking that I need to do bad to get good.

We've talked about that a little bit. Yeah, yeah, we have talked about that before. We say a lot that this podcast would be a lot bigger if we would just be intentionally mean to groups.

But I am wearing black shoes right now? What color your shoes? Uh? All the all the colors. My man's vulnerable right now. You can't see what's under the table. Somebody's vulnerable. Son, I'm literally every collar.

Were black, force they got pink tongues. Uh.

So how do you feel about this? Then?

I definitely think when I am wearing all black, I feel the most sort of equipped for some kind of physical altercation, some kind of like Yeah, it does sort of reek of an energy of like sort of physicality and protectiveness. Fucking defenses are up when I'm wearing all black. Yeah, And I wonder if everybody experiences that and they have an instinct for criminality, if that just is it's just helping them along in their shit.

Yeah, I think partially. I think part of it does just lend itself to that. A lot of times those kids can't dress good, and I mean when I will, I also remember kids like when I was like like when I was a kid like seveneenth grade and Aurora specifically kids being like to go out at night, like we got a mask up and they were all black. Yeah, you know what I mean. So I think it's like the idea, yea of wearing all black is the the

Yeah.

I think.

I think there's a world where we have created this truth through community and sort of like you know, just repeating it. It is it be lore becomes truth if we say it enough. I think, on the other hand, what it feels most true is this lady got some bad shit she'd be doing.

Yeah. But also I think the idea of like the bad guy wearing black is not new. I think that's like a trope that goes back is forever. It makes the most sense.

You gotta steal, especially burglarizing, you gotta be dark.

Yeah, well, I don't know why you worded it that I'm in.

Dark uh presenting, I meant your clothes. But sure, let's let's nitpig. I'm not I haven't already started a racial uprising.

On the internet. I'll previous video. Yeah, send me down the river, David, send me down the fucking river yet again, leave me out to dry.

I was with you on that black I was with you on that thing. You know what the funk I meant? You know, I mean you gotta be a darky.

That happens and then I come, I come forward, and then you say some ship like now every open your art for real and I see what's in there is black, yeah, but not the way you want it to be. Is the color of those shoes. That's what it is. What she painted her shoes to be. Yo, double black. That's so double and just drop that in like we weren't going to be Like, what the fuck does that mean? I'm never trying to paint my shoes anything. That's so crazy. Oh,

We had enough.

This is great. I think we did it. Yeah, I think we did something.

I think I think if you have black air Force ones, if you are planning on buying Black air Force ones, apparently you can't get them in stores anymore, so go to those illicit websites. I'm sure porn Hub has a has their version of it. That's it's right next to Dallatry is buying Black Air Force ones uh and and have a good day. You want to tell the people where they can find you.

Cool guy jokes eighty seven on Instagram, Patreon, dot com, backslash David Bordie by my special March first, I'm going to be in rent in Washington at the Carco Theater March thir or fourteenth. I'm going to be in Cincinnati at the Comedy Collin Wealth. In March fifteenth, I'm going to be at the Comedy Corner Underground. Hell yeah in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Go to all those places, go watch David live.

And as always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms.

You can see me live.

February twenty second, I'm going to be in Vancouver for the Just for Last Festival.

And then March twenty.

Ninth through the thirty first, i am going to be It might be twenty seven through the twenty ninth, I don't remember, but either way, in the March, I'm gonna be at the Vermont Comedy Club performing there. It's going to be dope by those tickets as always. If you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what the fuck happens when you wear those clear Air Force ones, send it

Little moms do the right thing, Bless my bitch.

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Greeted and hosted by Langston Trekton, co hosted by David Borie. Executive produced by Will Farrell, Hansani and Olivia Akilon. Co produced by Bee Wayne, edited and engineered by Justin Kommon, music by Nick Chambers, artwork by Dogon Kriga.

You can now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me on YouTube. Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel