Devil's Pose: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Motherfucking mini episode. Mini episode, motherfucking mini episode.

What would you do if your son was at home crying all alone on the bedroom floor because he's hungry? There it is, there, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode, a mini episode of My Mama Told Me.

The podcast where we dive deep into the podkats of black conspiracy theories.

And we finally worked to prove the conspiracy theories that you, the listener, the little mamas and gentiles alike have at home. This is a motherfucking mini episode.

I would have been swallowed up. Have you ever been swallowed up? Have you gone through a time of swallowing where everything was overwhelmed?

You know what's upsetting about that one is the visuals. It's so long. Yeah, it's so long. It won't stop, and it's like, bro, you gotta stop.

But as someone who's been in flow state before, like you see it when you're like yep, that's how if you're like that, like when you just can't miss so you're just going crazy.

It was cooking too hard.

Yeah, I've done it, cause you probably had sets like that where you're like, oh, I could say anything and it's gonna work. Yeah, I'm going nuts, you know.

No, there there are times, and it's the reason I despise the crowd work clips that that our art form has sort of evolved into. But there are times when you're like engaging with an audience in such a funny, sincere way that it it goes on for like minutes, like kind.

Of where you're like, oh shit, that riff was fifteen minutes.

Yeah, it's just a long ass time. And that's not cutable, you know what I mean. Like, that's not a thing that you can chop up and make into like a thing you offer up to an audience.

Oh yeah, that's why you don't ever trust a five second crowd work clip. It's not real. Yeah, there was funny.

They had a big laugh and then it stopped really fast. Yeah yeah, I didn't know how to keep going.

Yeah. Yeah, it was like somebody said one interesting thing. Anyways, we're not here to talk about because they're not.

Well, it's stinks and the art that I love has uh has become something that I barely recognize. But that's not the point of this podcast, this podcast, especially today, we are we're talking to you the listener we're reading your emails, we're engaging with your thoughts, your suggestions. And we got an email from a person named Aliyah l I y a h just like the singer got personality, mentality a man. Anyways, I miss her too, she was great. We all miss her.

Nothing nothing I wish they had Anyways. I just sometimes I feel like somebody needed to take care of that little girl, like you know, yeah, she was bounched around to a lot of men. It feels like dark.

Yeah. No, I think that's one hundred percent true of a person who who maybe needed somebody just to look out for in a way that that she never really got by the end of it.

So you want to read an email.

No, let's just have a moment of silence. I was just stood in that feeling for a second.

It was two seconds too later.

Sorry, that's okay. We got an email from a person named Aliah who sent us as subject line Satan's Yoga. Satan's Yoga. She says, Hi, David than length and longtime listener back again with another conspiracy. This one actually comes from my grandmother, a Southern black woman who later in life became a Jehovah's witness. One day later in life. She started that shit later in life.

That makes more sense in starting it earlier in life, Like, you can't convert to Jehovah's witness in like your mid twenties.

I don't picture early in life being your mid twenty conversions. I picture early in your life, meaning you grew up in the Jehovah.

Oh but she converted, she said.

Right, And I'm saying that converting to Jehovah's witness is a silly thing.

You've already had some birthdays.

Yeah, you know what Christmas feels like? Yeah, you go, fuck, are you shifting back.

For taking that away from your children? You monster?

Yeah?

No, that's that's an odd fucking choice. So you want to go door to door? Okay?

Anyways, those shit? Your grandma's a sweet woman, Earliah or nuts.

I don't know hard to say the but I'm I'm leaning towards the ladder.

One man's cuckoo is another man's cocoa puffs.

One day, after watching a commercial about yoga clothes, she went on a rant about how doing yoga is evil and if you meditate, you will mess around and open up your mind so much you will let satan in I understood her to mean meditating can be a pathway to connect with Satan. Similarly, how praying is a way to connect with God. I grew up going to church as well as the Kingdom Hall, so I am conflicted. I believe in spirits and have an ancestor alter myself.

Aliah, well, Alia, I think you're a witch, and I rebuked thee in the name of the One Lord. No I think that. So here's what I don't like about this, right, Yeah, the idea of like, if you meditate or you do yoga, you're gonna open your mind so much. So that's what like I don't like. It's like, I don't like the idea that an open mind is what leads to the devil. That means God wants you to have a closed mind.

I'm trying to say, right, a god that encourages you to sort of live in a bubble is not a god that you you recognize.

Well, just like, yeah, any type of like don't open your mind is a great Like really think about what you're saying within that. That's like, that's terrible. That's the nobody Okay, nobody ever leave your small town. Do't never try to do something that no one in your family did, Like, don't ever push for anything. Then you know what I'm saying, don't open your mind. That's fucking that's like, that's that's trash. I don't think that God is like that. I don't

I will say that that I myself read this to mean something slightly different, although I do agree with your sentiment that that if this is about just sort of keeping people closed minded, then that feels reductive and not at all like a progress or even a love that is suggested to be shared by the God above us.

But what what do you mean by that? What do you mean by jet you at haunted houses?

Like you know how like some people will be like, oh, this hotel is haunted, we should stay there. I wha, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, you're very serious right now, Like.

No, no, no, I will not and I will choose. I have the resources to choose differently, and I will like I don't need that feeling, and I'm not interested in exploring it just because it's like novel or cute.

Right, But you'll go to like a haunted house, like.

Like a silly one where I know adults are being paid minimum wage to hide around a corner with chainsaws that don't work properly.

Because I went to one of those. Me and my girl went to one of those over at Halloween and that was fun.

Yeah, no, that's a good time.

I was like, they try to play me, They try to play me a little bit. What happened? Man? So we went to the haunted house and then there was like if you pay like an extra, They like, take you to a secret bar in there and give you a shot during the Haunted House. Oh so we went. We went, and we went to the secret bar and this nigga bro he was pouring drinks and he poured my girl on. He poured me when he was like, he looks scared of how I'm not scared though. Yeah.

Yeah, he thought he could cook you a little bit.

He was trying to cook me. Yeah. Oh, she looks like he was scared of up. I I's the children's playhouse.

I look like I'm not about to tipyo ass.

Yeah, I look like I don't work at the fucking fucking hearted House because I can't make child support. That's what I look like. I look like I fucking took an uber black. Here, you broke boys.

I didn't Rove say why why are you taking uber blacks.

I've actually never taken an uber black. I was trying to impress you guys.

No it worked, I thought, But no, I I try not to mess around with sort of like dark spirits and ghosts and all kinds of things out of fear that I do think it welcomes some of that into your world. That like if you go seeking that shit, you will find something. Even if that's something you find, it's just made up in your own head. And so in that way, I recognize what she's saying to simply mean like, seek it and you shall find it in both good and bad ways. Now, why the fuck yoga

Here's what I'm gonna say. Yep, this is having lived. I've lived among the woos. You know what I mean. I lived in San Francisco, Big Witch Country, Los Angeles. Also Big Witch Country. If you're far away and you don't quite know, I understand how these yoga ladies and men could seem like they were into some evil shit. Oh you know what I mean, just like glancing and being like, what are they doing over here? They're dressed all wacky, they're burning sage and shit like it could

I will say that that to that point with dog that that ain't doggy style.

I know you that when I come from dogs stand up.

Right, they shake your hand like like a man.

If you and I.

Will say that to that point, A lot of what yoga is in America is just a sort of like cherry picking of other people's cultural identities and like their

Know.

I think that that is not not sort of like fucking around with spirituality in a in a messed up way.

I think it does lead to this whole idea of like that's why I don't like people when they say they're just I'm spiritual, because it's like pick a discipline, Yeah, you know what, you gotta commit commit to something you're loosey goosey, then you might as well just be agnostic, Like what does that mean? I think this could be true and that you need rules. There needs to be some sort of rules. It is.

It is the one part of the Bible more than any other part that I think I most connect with where it talks about God not wanting you to be lukewarm. That like, a lukewarm person is maybe the worst person you could be. That you got to be hot or cold. Either believe in something or don't believe in something, but like kind of fucking around in the middle is like dang terous and frankly just condescending to the fundamentals of the actual belief.

Don't stand for anything for something, Yeah, don't stand for something.

Yeah, you didn't get it right for me twice. You can't fool me again.

I'd rather live on my feet than stand on my knees.

I was getting some head, some head.

Not if you buck.

We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much. Just sleek, it's come on, you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it since my Mama told me.

Who you are.

Yeah, you can buy the merch now go to my mama told me dot merchcentral dot com, and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it. Yeah, I think you gotta believe in something. And so for Aliah's grandmother, I think in some ways she's like, well, these people are being lukewarm spiritual, sort of like cherry pickers, and I don't like that, and that seems like that's of the devil, that is of Satan, and so I rejected, all.

Yeah, I think that's reasonable.

Yeah, so I don't agree per se that like Eliah, if it makes you feel better, I think you can do as much yoga as you want. I don't think the devil sitting on a mat being like yeah, yeah.

I think that that's exactly what I think he's doing.

I think he's hanging out in yoga studios.

I think he's just watching ladies bendover.

That's the case. You're only selling me on the devil.

I think he's got a toothpick.

Yeah, okay, Oh, somebody's limba.

Looks at child's po probably should don't.

Look like no child to me, like like grown woman posed like how woman sposed to be maybe that's what the devil is doing. And if that's the case, I think more of us should be worshiping the devil because he sounds like a cool guy and I'm into him.

Is gone full three six, I'm sucking it up now.

I did a spin move?

Have you ever done a spin on the dance floor?

When I was a when I was in high school, I was a dancing ass kid, and so yeah, I.

Used to do.

I used to do, and now as an adult, I couldn't possibly. I can't even imagine attempting it.

Yeah, I can't imagine. That would be crazy.

It would be cool, it would it would be cool. But you know, I live with a constant fear that it won't work.

Now. It doesn't Like if you try to commit to a spin and it doesn't work, Yeah, that'd be bad. It's you're dancing with your wife or something.

It can only ruin my family.

Yeah, is it?

Like?

Is it? Do you worry that you would fall down?

I worry about it all. I worry that that I would fall down. I worry that I don't even make it the full three sixty and and now I'm just a dude who tried something and it failed, you know what I mean, Like, there's just so much vulnerability and when people are counting on you that.

You how you feel about the dance floot.

Yeah, that's like there's my figers counting on me.

Man, my baby needs me.

Yeah, my baby just needs me to keep being consistent. I can't. And now and now I could go viral. Imagine imagine your father going viral because he tried to do a spin move and it didn't work.

The jfl after already come on.

And now everybody's like, bro, and my daughter's going to school and they're making fun of her because because your father failed.

That's that's fair.

People are counting on me. I can't risk it.

No, I listen. I also am conservative on the dance floor, you know what I mean. I'm a Biden in the streets, but I'm a Trump in the.

Ship there there that there was that run where where that those kids were doing that sideways moonwalk that like airwalk ship.

Oh the usher Usher is the first.

Yeah, well no, not that sideways moonwalk, that one I learned to do when I was in high school. I could still do that ship, But do you still do that now?

Yeah?

I could still do this side. Would you would you take that out under the right circumstances in a safe environment, I'll say I'll pull that up.

The funny you should say that we're doing a live My mama told me May fifth at the comedy store. It's my birthday, Come on out. The one thing like me for my birthday. A sidewalk moonwalk on side.

The sidewalk move, walk onto.

That stage, buy tickets.

A sidewalk moon walk walk. Yeah, I I'm talking about that ship where where you're like they're like skipping sideway.

Oh, that one's fun. Yeah, I like that one.

The amount of times I practiced that alone in my home and realized, like, I don't think I'm in a position to take this into a public space and be successful.

Really, Yeah, because that one seems easier than the sideways move. It is not.

It's it's it's just so unnatural to the way that I move that I don't think I've ever figured out a way to make it not look like, yeah, it's just you look gumpy and fucking weird, or you look awesome. And I don't know that I ever looked awesome, So I chose never to bring it out.

Yeah, I tried to learn the sneeze on the same thing.

Yeah, you just gotta you gotta realize, like these l's are not worth taking after a while. When I was when I was fifteen, if I didn't do a move, good, So.

You know what I mean?

Like, what are the repercussions here?

Wait? Can I ask you a series question? Yeah? Have you ever been in a dance battle?

I'm in in many a dance battle. Yeah, this might be its own episode. Okay, do you have footage? I hope not. I hope there's no lingering footage of any dance battles I was in. I pre you know, thank god, I think we predated camera phones.

What was the group called?

Uh No, I wasn't in like group dance battles. I was like dance battles at like parties and shit, oh excuse me, that would be way lane.

Yeah, excuse me.

I wasn't assembling.

I wasn't in a group.

I was rogue.

Yeah.

I was a fucking highlander. Baby.

Did you have a dance name?

No, I didn't have a fucking dance name. I was just a cool dude who at a party. If a circle happened, I would pop in the middle, and then another dude. There was this kid in my high school named Dom Parry Young. I wish I was making this up specific to be a lot. Don Barryon. He would constantly, you know, the circle would happen and he would get in and he'd be popping and ship, and then I would get in and I would popping me and Don would go back and forth popping. Uh damn, I don't

Wow, you're a wild guy. Nah, I lived a life man. Yeah, that's very interesting. We'll get more into that.

We'll get more into that.

Do you have pictures?

I hope, David, I hope there's no documentation of this period in my life.

Will Mama's if you guys could, let's see if I'm hoping we could find someone who battled you. If you guys know Dom, y'all and he's in the Chicago Land area, I don't think anyway, Please, we gotta get him on. We gotta get him on. I would love to hear an oral history of these.

Don was a great dancer, man. I don't know that I want any of the You know, I wouldn't call myself the champion of those battles, but he I was. I was honored to be a participan.

But you got in the ring, you know.

I got in the ring. You got But yeah, I think too the larger question at hand, I fear the evil spirits enough that I am willing to cut myself off from certain activities. And I recognize that if you are a a stringent, God fearing woman so much so that you're willing to join the Jehovah's witnesses later in life, then you probably are afraid of a lot of things that seem vaguely spiritual, I e. Yoga and poses and whatnot. Beads, beads, sure, yeah,

Cool guy jokes Efty seven on Instagram. All my stuff is gonna be there. I'm gearing up to figure out my summer dates and some of my fall dates. Sunday, May fifth, Los Angeles, My birthday, by the way, my birthday. If you go, David, come on, if you guys want to come out to a live show, We're gonna be at the Comedy Store seven pm. Let's sell that bitch out for my birthday. Langston's gonna sidewalk moon.

Walk sideways and you keep saying sidewalk.

Fucking it up. I'll probably have a cool hat or something, probably have some great guests. But let's yeah, come out. It's gonna be a lot of fun. You're so lucky, la Yeah, and it's it's cool. It's a part of the Netflix as a Joke festival.

We're very honored that they would let us come fuck around in the festival and it's gonna be cool. So yeah, so please come out May fifth.

If you're thinking about it, fly in. I don't give you ship. Fly in. We'll take a picture with you.

That's not our business.

How from Dallas is coming?

You know?

He's flying in everywhere.

Yeah he's out, but yeah, that's not our business how you get there, And we know we will not reimburse you or make it worth the money, but certainly we'd appreciate you being there.

Quite honestly, we might not even make eye contact like.

It was gross. You smell like out of town. But yeah, as always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms.

I be there.

I don't be doing nothing, but i'd be there. And if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want to send us your drops, if you want to track down Dom Parren Young, send it all to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you and Merch Central. Ma mama told me dot merch central dot com for all your Mamma told me merch needs to all available there. That is the whole shebang.

By bitch, motherfucking mini episode, mini episode, motherfucking mini ever s, well, the fucking mini ever s mini episode, Well, the fucking mini ever s