Cloning Celebrities (with Nicole Byer)

I especially love that doctor kid.

He's the best.

He keeps doing it, Doctor Malack.

I love he will not be stopped, and I love it. He's so funny.

Yeah, he reminds us, and each person here holds a special value. But he reminds us of the importance of persistence, Yes, of fighting for what you believe in.

Do you know about the nurse in Florida?

No, tell us more.

She uh pretended to be a nurse for ten years and the only reason why she got caught is because she got a promotion and they found out she faked her registration or her like nurse's license or whatever.

Yeah, then they fired her.

But I was like, but no complaints. She went above and beyond.

She got a promoter, literally, a nurse back.

She's better than some nurses.

Like smart, That's what I've been saying.

You've already acknowledged that she is. But she did a good job, the best in your department. Certainly you promoted her to ahead of it.

There's also a pilot who I think was flying for ten years no license.

That's and I don't remember how they figure that out.

I bet he did a flip.

Days he landed it upside down.

I bet he tried to do some cool ship and was feeling a little high. Yeah, I don't know.

Crazy can't catch and then that's how you get called them.

Yeah, I can see that. I can see that that would happened to me, he laughed at We could get to New York in about three and a half.

Hey, push this, I'll go to Dallas by noon, Sara'll get to Dallas.

Chips in your racist money and turning stuff. I can't tell me.

It was a stormy night, you know the kind where a lightning strikes, and I was hanging out with some of my artsy friends. OUIU welcome Little Mamas and Gentiles a light to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

The podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets a black conspiracy theory.

And we work to prove nothing. You will not learn anything from us. We have nothing for you.

Honestly, we checked recently and no one has gained anything from this experience.

In fact, a lot of people actively losing.

We're hoping to do a census survey this year just to see if anybody accidentally bumps into a learning moment from this podcast. And I cannot imagine that will be true, and we'd rather you did ith. I have something I'd like to bring up. Yes, please, right, everybody's here. It's not a conspiracy. It's just something that I've been thinking about.

I think as a thirty eight year old black man that I have to acknowledge this, and it's been difficult, okay, but I think it's real and I think I think these are you are two good people to bring it up. I struggle with the day to day in and out mechanics of being fresh, and that's tough for me.

Like like dress, getting dressed U is hard for you.

I've had three things recently that have told me this is a problem you need to confront. Yeah, three different things in the past like probably two weeks.

And do you think that that is rooted in some something in you or like what's happening that's.

I think it's just a skill I never acquired in a real way. And I think that when you're a kid, like a team tween, you just dressed like Lloyd Banks and you'll be fine, sure, sure, But then as you become a man. Now they're not even making three XLG units anyway.

But can I ask how much time are you giving yourself to get dressed today?

Just in general, like a rough estimate, if like if.

Me and my wife were going on a date, I'm blaming it all day and I'm still blowing it. I'm like thinking about it and like thinking about combinations and things. The problem is I just don't know what. I buy a lot of stuff that doesn't work, and then I feel like I gotta do it because can I tell you the things that happen. Yeah, first thing, I was in New Orleans. I thought it would be funny to wear a short set as a joke. I was like, oh,

And this is we have the same family. Then I went in a hoodie. He has a scarf. He looked like Sam Kinnison. He was fucked. And then the third thing, I was in the gym feeling.

Good about my body, but dressed dumb because I got all these bigger shirts and then I tuck them in, so then it makes me.

Huck him in at the gym.

I know, man, it just I need to complicated place. I need to move better people teaching and ways that you wouldn't expect.

I need to move better. Right, So I'm tucked in and then I think that I think I might look like a little boy. I'm tucked in, my beard is shaved. I go up to try to nigga, this is you know how hard it is? No this because I'm trying to come open.

I do for you.

I can't understand that. Thank you.

Okay, I'm tucked in, so I look crazy, but I'm feeling good about my body because I'm pushing weight that day. And I go to try to work in with this kid, child boy seventeen at MO and I try to work in with it. Skinny kid, you not even a buff kid. I'm just like, I got I want to hit try some I want to get out of here. I asked to work out with him. I go in my tendan nights is playing up my tennis elbow. I can't do it. I'm like, oh man, oh, I can't do it. I tell him I'm just to go. I can't even do it.

Are you doing? Maybe you should try the ropes?

And I'm like this, think I'm eighteen, and.

I look and I look like a little boy, like a little boy.

You look young.

That's not happening. He said. I see a novice, just like myself. He said, I'm weak in this environment, and I'm trying to make the next weakest friend.

He said, this little boy is a mentor.

Yeah, we could have a weak man alliance.

I want to take over La fitness.

How do you know? How do you know? How do you know what Jim it was?

Why don't you buy Jim clothes?

Like?

Why don't you buy like clothes?

I have Jim bottoms, I'm yelling. He's he's lost a lot of weight recently, yes, over over a year, though not like that really and has uh refused recently refused.

To I don't like. I don't like how this is coming out.

He is not actively updating his wardrobe. He's sort of his waiting for checkpoints buying. I'm trying. I just got these shorts. They're great, only handsome. Was some money?

Give me some money? Only pays you to take their clothes.

But I do I need my twelve dollars back?

I think because I've also lost weight, and you hit a point where you're like, I don't know what size I am.

I don't know what looks good on me.

I don't even know what I don't do?

Should I buy new stuff?

What if I gain it back? So I think you got to just treat yourself. Go shopping, try on a bunch of shit and figure out what silhouettes look good on you.

I know, I don't even know what you mean by that. I almost signed up for Threadbasts this morning for a money.

Yeah, don't do that.

That's I didn't pull the trigger when.

I got to thread Beasts, like like, hey, do you look stupid.

We'll send you a box of shit every month.

Yeah, They're like, we'll pick your outfit for you.

Oh no, don't do that.

No I didn't. I didn't.

I got, I got. And it's also because my wife looks great.

Yeah, she is too nice.

So he's always just like, I just want you to feel comfortable with yourself and whatever makes you feel like we'll be going somewhere. I'm like, does this look cool? And she's like, I just want you to feel comfortable, and I'm like, no, bitch, you're gonna have me out here.

And that's and that's why I think.

I don't mean.

I was just very no, we know what you meant. Don't do that. Don't do it because you remember that. But I do think ultimately part of what I saw in you in New Orleans was was you, uh, exploring outside of your comfort zone in a way that is

To do that show?

All right, how do I figure out mesh? Fuck? I wear mesh?

You know you're talking to you. Mesh is not the hard thing.

Yeah, but the way you wear a mesh and the way they mean it ain't the same thing. And that's I know that you're helping that hurt.

It hurt the way you don't have to follow trends. You can find like classic pieces that you like.

Pull around Laurentz, shout out to what they've done. Give me some money for the fig guy community if you're a fat guy and you've got some pull up.

They really did a lot for a high end brand. They really stayed loyal by keeping that three XCEL.

A lot of men's brands go up to a three four XL women, though Gucci goes up to.

A four XL ORL or something like that.

Thats like a recent I just bought a car. I can't also get some. That's not not until we get acquired by whoever we need to get acquired, until that chip gets in me.

Yeah.

Also could go on Pinterest and look at things that you like and pin them and then go find outfits that look like that.

But that's a lot of work in the same way that I would go to get like a fruit punch recipe, A punch recipe.

Sure, yeah, that's what you're looking You're looking for fruit punch recipes.

Punch punch it punch.

How often are you making fruit punch?

I fantasized a lot more than I go in practice.

Well, summer's coming.

You can make some. No, it's so, I think you can make some in a short set.

You could make it less calorie dense.

Oh like, maybe have like a zero soda based I don't want sugar free shirt. Don't run from this on a short set. Well you could you could look beauty.

Yeah, you could bring the fruit punch in a short set.

I wanted to wear the short set today. I was looking at it.

Why didn't you herew me out?

Yeah? You already saw me in it. It's not a.

Great I'm wearing shorts.

Don't please you like what you see. I just know there's more of that where that comes from. That's the one thing. There's enough for shorts, there's more shorts. Do you wear jeans rarely?

And if I do, it's just five on ones. And that's only because I thought, I think, I really thought I liked how dough boy looked.

Mmm.

I always was like I always wanted a uniform. I always was like, if I could just find four things that are.

Why don't you do that?

I mean, I guess I could. I gotta get some more jeans because.

I got a little uniform. When I travel, I wear a little striped shirt and jeans, and then when I do just on stage for the most part. Yeah, yeah, I desperately wanted on stage.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's easy because like when I travel, I go, all right, I got three shows, so let's throw three striped shirts in there and three jeans, and yeah.

But I want my uniform to be cool enough. And that's a hard part about it, is like you can either make it so plain that like it's indistinguishing, or you make it so cool that it becomes a little bit of like d Ray putting that blue vest on. You know what I mean. You don't want that. I need something that just you barely even notice it. But that motherfucker wear I'm saying close every time.

Yeah, okay with that. I've always thought I love a Doug funny man. I would love a Doug funny dog funny, literally, a Doug funny.

Our guest today is no Doug funny. She is.

She's funny, She's funny, Dougie funny, Doug the funniest part of Doug.

I don't know. I know you never watched Doug.

I didn't grow up a cable. Did he come on cable?

Wow, he was ABC, he was Saturday Morning, he was well, he was on one big Saturday Morning.

But he started on Nickelodeon.

Oh okay, so maybe it's all later.

Yeah.

I also was not early enough to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

Wow, you were a cool kid.

I love sleeping.

Noon as a kid. Damn, that's amazing for you.

That's new. I never even thought of.

You got lines disease, but one of the others.

I hope I don't have lines disease.

Go ahead, President, but we all are.

You know, I'm waiting.

We wanted to.

It's going to be really good.

It's going to hold on.

I'd rather check myself before I wrecked myself. Who whoa.

The cole Buyers there, y'all, she's great. We're excited that she's here.

Thank you for having me.

This is a good time. This is going to be a great time. You came to us with a conspiracy.

You held your face and said, this is going to be a great time.

Really, I tell you something else.

I think that that is the truest expression of Blankston. I think I'm over here with it a lot. I think that's and I think he's saying, this is going to be a great time. But I think that's exactly what.

I'm containing myself, Okay, that I have to physically right.

Then I misread it. I'm illiterate, Nicole.

You came to us with the conspiracy theory that we have certainly talked about on this podcast, but not specifically in the way that you're talking about it. But you said, yes, my mama told me celebrities are being cloned.

Yes, Avril Levine was replaced, I believe, in twenty fifteen by a woman named Melissa.

Well you know her name? No, Melissa? Wait, you know the girl who made.

It's Melissa.

I actually might be wrong about that. I excited either way, but apparently because there's no last name either way.

No, I do think she has a last name, but I can't remember it, can I say?

First of all, so you don't think this is a clone situation, you think this is just replaced by a differents.

The theory is that Avril Lavine killed herself in like twenty fifteen, and then a woman named Melissa became friends with her before that happened, and then Avril.

Taught her how to perform like her that I don't know.

I don't know why she did that.

Vendela.

There we go.

Name Melissa Mandela replaced Avril Levine referred to as a body double. And that's who we're seeing now because Avri Lavine is gone.

So to who knows Avril is dead in this scenario? Avril April Avril. Yeah, we've been saying it. AD just keep riding on that. Okay, Okay, okay, it's Canadian. I don't know what they do with their I like that like a last minute all.

Because sometimes you know what I mean, you've been saying it juicy for a long time and it's Jesse.

That's that's fair. That's fair.

You've been saying juicy?

Have you notlet I know?

Oh?

I know?

Do you see Smollett Jesse Smollettett.

It's nice, right, he's funny. Yeah, he's real fun. We keep trying to get him here and keep saying no, thank you, but but.

But why it's not like he's working.

That's not for us to decide.

He kind of fucked that one up.

And Nicole, you're not going to burn this bridge. He means too much to us. Who hasn't been tricked by some buff Nigerian Julie, Yeah, we think you're the victim of the buff Nigeria. Dudes.

The whole thing is.

So wild and I love it. It's the craziest.

And then he's got sibilans just out there having to live normal lives and be like, yeah, my brother didn't do something crazy, like imagine your brother does whatever.

Anyway, Melissa is now avril Ya that is.

And then and everybody in her life.

Is just on board with it, I assume so.

Or is it like the type of thing where she's just so good at it. Not many people know. Well, isn't this what the talented mister Ripley was about?

Yeah, sort of he was. He was replacing people, per se, but it was more he was spending time with them, studying them, and then.

And then like becoming part of their lives.

Yeah.

Yeah, Matt Damon then kills Law. Yeah, but then doesn't like assume Jude Law's life. I think, wait, I don't remember he does.

He tells that girl that jud Law and then they're on the boat and you're to believe that he has never been We don't know who this guy is the whole time.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. They'll tell us in the comments.

Melissa Vandella apparently was born in two thousand and three. They're saying this when we first become aware of her, and it is during a video shoot under my Skin two thousand and four, But during the photo shoot in which you can see the name Melissa written on Avril Levine's hand, that that is part of the evidence they're using that this person was cloned. I think, if I'm remembering correctly, it came from her.

Being Yeah, Melissa was like sad or like upset about the ruse and was like trying to tell people.

Well, she was the hired to distract paparazzi. She was a body double for Avril Levine. She would go over there tmz A and she'd run and then Avril could have a normal afternoon because this girl looked so much like her, just doing Avril stuff, just doing Avril stuff, skating, skating, making stuff complicated, playing it hard, but like moving your hand real far from it, wearing a tie, watching it. Would you know you don't mean business. You know she

She don't mean no business.

This workplace she is getting written.

Having a tie with wristbands. It's die of ball.

It's crazy, it's a look.

She also likes shorts.

She did like shorts.

I'm not the same as average. I don't have any wristbands anymore anymore. I we all had them during the little Johnny never had.

All.

But as every black man I think has had wristbands at some point.

There was a There was a point, I would say, in the late nineties, early two thousands where if you didn't have wristbands, you did not address That's what was happening now. He was on the Kawasaki two headbands. Yeah. I used to put wristbands on my on my ship, yeah, like Michael Jordan's yeah, like, and I was like, man, that's fly today.

I tried one time at the Aurora Mall that you would sell packs of wrists, yeah, and I bought two of the packs. I tried to do a two and one situation. How that go makes your risks so hot?

Yeah? Yeah, no, it is fat. And again, fashion comes in discomfort.

I was thinking about that, okay, and I was thinking about that too, about when you're heavier, it's easier to base your idea of fashion on comfort because nothing fits you. And then you start to lose weight and you're like, man, I think I might got to just get some heartsold shoes.

Yeah.

Yeah, everybody's wearing loafers now.

Yeah. I bought some loafers because Will Miles said they were cool. Yeah.

Have you worn them?

No?

No?

No?

And that is where is going to. I'm going to And all it's gonna take is a few moments of being uncomfortable and then.

Suddenly you're like, so you can get ship tailored, like if you have a Maria Jean, No, you have a very jeans.

Yeah, get the loaf of stanlord. That little Italian man, he's little.

He's gotta get in the shoe. If you if you have genes that you like that are slightly too big.

Okay, I'm altered, So you believe Melissa, I okay, this is where it gets good.

So there is something different about Avril Levian. She like looks different.

I don't know if it's like she aged or maybe she I don't know. You know, the whole epsteine of it all, where all that ship was like true and ship maybe the maybe these conspiracy theories are true.

How coucy man gets so buffs a great question.

You think he's got a clone.

That's what that's a that's the thing. I didn't make that up.

Maybe.

And then Jim Carrey recently he looked all different. Maybe he's got a clone.

This this is the the replacement, obviously, and this is the original. They do look they look a lot alike.

That's the same person to me.

There's no difference for you. No.

I think the mouth is a little different.

Maybe she got some toothwork, but I.

Feel like the gums, like the like one mouth is bigger than the other.

He doesn't have a happy smile.

It's a grimace.

Yeah. It looks like yeah, yeah, exactly. It looks like when your mom yells at you and then sends you out to finish doing what she asked you to.

Do, and then you're like, why my mom have to make things so complicated.

I've been trying to.

Get that off for like ten minutes.

I liked it. It was good.

Yeah.

I tried to jump it in before and I couldn't quite get it.

I liked it. It's the only other in his strange I do think. To me, it looks a lot like the same person. But what this also reminds me of is how many of the same person sort of exists in the world already. Like we talk about this all the time of fucking what's his name? Uh with with with the bad Eye, Forrest Whittaker. Forrest Whittaker has a brother who is almost indistinguishable. Yeah, he got a whole brother,

They do look just alike on just a little smaller.

Yeah, and so like he's apparently been in projects and you sitting there like that's Forest Whitaker and it's just him. It's just his boy, that ain't him, you know what I mean? And I don't. I don't know. Maybe Avril Head just has a doppel ganger that can exist. Yeah, there's a lot of people who look like a lot of people. Bro, I look like Jesse. I see pictures. I go, damn, a lot like this.

We're going down a complicated road right now.

Because I think I think if I start crying, well, the picture of Juicy, I think, if I start crying in this one, let.

Me see Judy.

Because I'm like seeing it but also not seeing it.

Yeah, No, I think they don't. I think it's close. I think there's a few pictures where you go, oh wow, yeah, right here I go that kind of my face. That's that I'm not happy about that wild That one in particular really stands out to me. There's an argument to be made, and my point, what have you.

Just abandoned your career and assume his identity.

I would do it in a second. You have me. I God, how bad I want to Surfercole into this man's life. He's the new Juicy Juice is back and he's different different.

That's so you really, y'all really do look alike?

That's wild? Yeah, I think before Texas, Yeah, okay, but pull it up. No, no, no, it wasn't as good of an idea as I thought. No. Actually, once you want to look at the pictures, I don't want to do that at all.

From the same country, you guys do a look alike.

I've always said that. Yeah, I could see how you and Idris share qualities and shape bad rapping similar mm hmmm. He does is a very full career as a rapper and the DJ.

I knew he was a DJ, I didn't realize it was a rapper.

It started as rap and then transitioned into DJ when the rap didn't really it wasn't him and didn't take off the way that we thought it would, which is okay, that's fun. It was it was post wire. He could do anything he wanted, and he did DJ.

DJ does seem like a fun job, like if you get famous just to go be a DJ. I completely get that job. You don't actually have to be good at for people to be excited that you're there.

But if you're good, if you're even kind of good, right, is shocked good at it? I don't know Shack Diesel J DJ Shack Diesel is or DJ Diesel.

Does he bring his own table?

Yeah?

He has to have him custom bill.

Yeah, he's too big.

He's too big for music.

You're standing up, it's all the way down there.

He just presses all the buttons at once. His figure is the size of a regular DJ. Yeah. Shock. Actually he is represented separately by agents by his agency as a DJ and as a like personality. Wow, he tours separately as a D.

I'm learning so much.

He's also a police officer.

Yeah, maybe don't don't don't look into that.

What do you mean? He literally when he retired from the NBA, went down to I think Louisiana and was like, I want to become an official police officer and went through the ship and got got fucking sworn in as a cop in Louisiana. Do you know if you were going, man, that's wild.

He'd have to get a custom bulize card. He don't fit nowhere.

Yeah, sucks, I think they gotta look at Dodge Ram or something.

This is wild. I'm learning so much.

Yeah, you can become a cop too. I guess that's the thing.

I can just become a cop.

I don't want you to, but yeah, I know too well. You'd be fun.

What if I just changed from the inside.

Out the police and I'm like, guys, let's like notre crazy.

I don't think that's what was doing.

Shot.

He was talking back to you. He loves all right, that was too farn. You did take it too far.

I don't mind it. Have you had his gummy snacks?

A lot of his products?

They're not good.

I refuse to put back in your body. I think so.

Yeah, and we've talked about this before. He's worried about Check dominating him physically.

Oh yeah, I don't. I think he's an untrustworthy character for sure. And I get that he's too big, and I think he's John. I think in that way, we we should not be consuming products made by a man who literally never sent out to make products that. I think at some point we as humans have to draw a line and go. He didn't want to do that. Somehow he is now doing it.

That's how I feel about mister beast. One, I don't know who he is. Two now he's got food for me to eat.

He's got food I don't I don't know him. And his name is mister beast.

And have you seen him? He doesn't look like a mister or.

He looks mister sleepy.

Talk about a white dude who looks like ten other white dudes.

Yeah, I can't me either.

Yeahus he was student and teacher for merely if he was a student and a teacher, I didn't take calculus. Yeah, and we're going to get you that class. We're going to get you registered.

You're going to I'm not a numbers guy. I'm an English social studies guy.

But you got to take calculus.

I think I quite frankly proved.

I don't know you do. I'm a licensed driver in the state of California. Calculates calculus in your life? Never, okay, that's what I'm saying. Never, It's never come up.

No.

The only thing I use is like a percent to do the tip at a restaurant, right, or to figure of a deal.

This is that's just you just run it over and double it up.

You don't even have to. I'm not technically doing percent.

No, no, yeah, I run it and double Yeah, we heard you.

Yeah, I just want you guys to know if you guys run up on that trick. Yeah, some people are doing it with calculators.

I just it is funny to watch someone do with the calculator.

It's like, just outmove the decimal point, double it.

It's easy breezing.

Yeah, I'm happy to say that I've I've I've reached this evolution. I was formerly a calculator person.

And so you made me say it crazy like I was being crazy. We've been flipping and doubling.

Brother, it was just how much you were trying to prove that you could do the math.

Say the term, say flipping and double it. Say well, you run it over and double it, flip it and double it.

I don't want to say that, because that's not what are you flipping? Flip it over in your mind? Walking over the decimal point is doing a little twirl into this new spot, fancy Nicole. Before we take a break, I have to ask, if you believe that this is real, or at least there's some possibility of this being real, does that leave you disheartened? Do you think that that's a bad thing that.

Do I think this is real?

No?

Okay, I don't, but also it could be sure there we go.

You know what I'm saying, like, I don't know, weird shit has happened. You tell me it's actually real and there's real proof. Okay, yeah, yeah yeah. Do I find it disheartening? No, it's pretty cool that she's just as talented.

Yeah, you could almost argue with it. Maybe Avril wasn't that talented that they could just watch.

You know, maybe this wasn't a once in a lifetime talent.

We thought at least a lifetime down, which.

Is what I thought when I initially saw skater boys. They can do it, can do this, they could do it again. From my high school. Who might be able to pull this up?

I know, seven off rip yea, yeah, but.

I do like that it uh.

I think it's Hannibal Burris. He for premiere or something. Sent another man down the carpet. That was very cool, and that's like, that's funny.

See, that's crazier to me because there's not another one of that guy.

No, and he didn't he didn't look like he didn't try to find another guy. He just was like a man. Would you like to go to the premiere of a movie? It was Spider Man. It was like something. It was starring vehicle, it was something big. Was it tagged? It might have been tagged? It was that's so, buddy, what's tag this movie? I was like, maybe it was tag?

What is it?

This is a movie about tag?

I saw it about the game tag.

It was like these friends who had had a game attack their entire life.

Oh only thing I remember that?

Yeah?

Yeah, it was for Spider Man.

Oh thank you? Which which Spider Man Black one? Probably the first one? Yeah, the first one.

This was like twenty seventeen, the one with Toby maguire.

No, the first one into the spider verse.

So we're saying the first Spider Man and not talking about Toby Maguire. Toby Maguire erasure.

Well, we meant for Hannibal Watch.

He's in more Spider Man. Wait, which Spider Man? No, too many Spider Man.

I've been saying from home, and let's let's start saying Spider Man. Let's all agree that we've said it too much.

Spider Man.

Spider Man. Spider Man is spe He's not Jewish, is separated?

Wait, the cartoon one.

Yeah, well, no, hannih boy is in the The Tom Holland One.

I have not seen those.

Those are the newest version of and Hannibal on at the premiere of The Tom Holland One sent this gentleman to the red carpet. That's the funny again, A a really important moment for him, and he was like, no, I'm doing something silly.

Who would you said, if you both of you, who would you say?

Oh if I if I didn't arrive for myself and wanted Yeah, you man, that's a good question. Mexico a dude.

You don't know who is.

Shout out to Mexico.

Who's Mexico. I'm sorry, I don't know.

He's a dude, sushi boy Mexico. He's a dude who's named Mexico because he lived in New Mexico for some of his life. He's one of the more fascinating people I know. I love that. He could not be funnier and more chaotic. It would be very funny to see him walking down a red carpet as my represent That's a good one. Yeah, I gotta think about it.

Oh, Shaggy smart.

Do the accent the whole time. Yeah, don't let me and come and be regular. No, no, he'd talk about shaggy.

Would you only speak to the press and lyrics from mister Yeah, and if.

You don't squeeze that it wasn't me in there.

Yeah, yeah, better be a fucking it wasn't me thrown in You need to say butt naked banging all the bathroom floor, lady.

That's how we answered every single interview question. It was just lyrics from that song.

He should.

Wait? Who would you pick before we go to break?

Probably my friend Meetball, who's a drag queen.

Been mistaken for each other before?

Oh you want someone who looks like you?

Does not look like me, but we have been mistaken for each other.

Yeah.

Well, was doing a show to college and they used a picture of me for that.

That's crazy. That sucks. That's crazy. That really sucks. It's great that it didn't happen anymore. Congratulations on not being That really sucks for me, Ball, I feel bad. Yeah, but great red carpet opportunity or Michelle.

But tell we've been missed making for one another. Really that makes sense?

I don't.

I make no sense of it.

Yeah? Yeah, well I bet, I bet I could zero in on the one thing that they thought you had in common with each other, which is not nice behavior.

No, no, no, but it is the one thing they're picking. Oh that's true. Everybody thought I was Chappelle Lacy on this my own platform. Really they were like, our fans were like, I don't even know one of the same niggas.

People had been people who had been dedicated up to us for years. We're like, that's why we're like brother they separated. They were like legs in the middle, thinks in the middle. I wouldn't know what's going on. I don't know. This podcast got too meta. They put a mirror across from David. What did I eve been trying to do? You fellas you jailed the sharp get back to the old way of doing things. Just talk to

Would you say that you're racist?

Not at all. No, Look at my dog, he's as black as can be. That's right. From the news. Yeah, that's from the news. You ever seen that clip?

This is very interview him.

He's really racist.

Yeah, yeah, he's.

Being bad to his community. And then they're being like, are you a racist person? He's like, the fuck are you talking about? I got a black dog? Oh, he said, get a moon cricket.

No, I've never seen this before.

My wholes to get them. That'd be very funny, if it'd be the best part of it. I think we're still here with Nicole Bayer. We're still talking about the possibility that that celebrity clones are real. You introduce sort of this question of like the Epstein Files and how many of the things that we thought were completely untrue or at least lived in like a world of fiction that we're now discovering are as close to true as anything has ever been. And I'm curious to know what

I think the point of the clones is to continue to make money.

Right, even after somebody is like not willing anymore. That makes the most sense to me, Like they put them in this ship, make it eat them up.

And yeah, I will say even as you're saying that, it makes me think about Prince and how hard he fought to be, like I'm not giving y'all my ship. Like literally when he died, he was like, I'm locking it in a vault. I don't want it on Spotify. I don't want it on Apple. You'll listen to it if you bought the records, and if you didn't, you won't. Like he really drew the line. And then motherfuckers.

Thoughts still not a store in the airport. Yeah, you're in the airport. Interesting, it's a it's a bomb because you're just like pur shirts and you're just like bro.

You know, you would be so mad. It's just album covers, mass produced. It's key chains.

Yeah, let people, let people be dead, let people go away.

Yeah, maybe even kill people. Well yeah, yeah, what too much listening?

You want to kill?

I was looking for a drop to save me. I don't have one.

Okay.

One of my favorite videos.

I like it because he walks away. He how cool. It's too good. Yeah, it reminds me a lot of how many celebrities you've already talked about this, How many celebrities Jim Carrey very recently accused of being a clone, Gucci Mane accused of being a clone. We have that theory that Pharrell is a vampire, that he has lasted. The text me, he looks good, he looks amaze.

Looks great.

Goods has a similar sort of like story about him of being.

Like Gabrielle Union.

Gabrielle, she looks good.

I never even thought she looks She looking at her now and look at her and bring it on.

She looks fucking same.

And bring it on.

I'm not saying she looks old, but she looked older than what her age was, you know what I mean?

Yeah, because they had thirty year olds playing twenty that's true situation.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, smart guy. Yeah you are seventeen. That's a grown woman. That's what.

That's a woman, that's am She knows the world, She knows the one knows the ways of it. Listen, TJ is smart, but you don't know nothing about it. Yeah. Oh he's buff and he got buff. He got buff. Oh didn't get taller. Well, yeah, you only have two options in this life. He didn't get talking about you're taller.

You could break them news Stilton.

I don't know what is it?

What is it when they.

I don't know what hundred percent agree with them breaking his knees. I do think that's part of it. I don't think afterwards they replace those Still, what do they do though, they got to stretch.

I don't know they do something to stretch, stretch out both parts of the that's the problem is you're gonna look crazy. And because they don't do the arms either yeah or like so you just have these long legs.

I think what they do is they break like femur and and shin bone, yeah, the big ones, and then they sort of like add chunks.

They take it from other parts, Like do they take it from your radius and the.

Buffalo sitting around and another bones a little buffalo. Now, I think my body would reject the buffalo. I think most people's bodies.

I think you're strong. I think about would order real tall.

I think it takes like a year and af have to recover from that something where you're like, oh you never get to like jump again.

You but you you don't have to jump because you're tall.

You don't match you know, you would look not Yeah, I know, and I don't need to be taller.

No, everybody's good the way they are.

That's what I've been saying. It's a it's a beautiful premise. Certainly, I wish more people felt that way. But if you feel like you need to break your hands, yeah, type type in uh, my mama told me at the end and in the promo code, and see if that works to doctor Miami, Doctor Miami. We we actually don't know if we secretly have sponsors that break shins. So so if you do have that, if doctor Miami, you could try it.

If not Doctor Miami, at least doctor Detroit, Doctor Detroit. I think it's your best bet if you type in my mama.

Told and I'll get you a free quarter and a knole you miss kangos.

White guys are bringing them back in.

So yes, that's not theirs.

It was my whole retirement plan. Yeah, I was going to transition smooth after fifty.

Five into a canole guy. Yeah, I've been playing it since the nineties. Backwards are forwards forwards? Yes, I like that. Have children not doing Samuel Jackson's no, no, no no. Does he have kids? Yeah, I have to believe that Samuel L. Jackson Samuel and Blamuel L. Blamiel. Blamuel is a girl's.

Name, but Blamiel that's a little boy.

He has kids. Selwe Jackson is his child children. He really has the bid on that one. Yeah, he just has one daughter name Zoe, not even Samuel.

So Eamuel and Blamuel or.

If you just hasn't found them yet, if you're looking to name your children, Blamuel Jackson names available, do it.

That's a funny name.

Is really.

That's cute.

And I do think we sometimes don't give enough credit to celebrities naming their kids funny names. Yes, I think sometimes we really pick on them for like weird ass names that they pick for their kids. And I don't think we should do that.

I don't think so either.

I think it's amazing because it's like, what are you gonna do?

I'm Will Ferrell. You know what I'm saying, Oh, my kids got a funny name. So he's not at Yale. I did the work so I could name him Blamuel.

I did it.

You need to take Blamuel seriously because of the work I did in this life.

I did so much work in this life that your majesty will be fine. Yah is a perfect name. It's a perfect He's gonna be okay.

It's a great name. There's a Jaffar Jackson.

That's the one playing Michael really, yeah, Jaffar.

A nigga named Jaffar gets to be his uncle. Who is Michael Jackson.

That's so funny.

He made it. He did the impossible with naming his kids. So I love that love.

Remember when Gwyn Paltrow named her child Apple and everyone was all up in arms.

Apples fun.

Sounds like a good guy like Martin.

I don't like that as much. I like Paltrow Apple Paltrow's way, but Apple Paltrow is a more their stage name, Apple Paltrow. I like that.

Yeah, you have to, yeah, Martin, so yeah, Apple j Apple Apple jack jack.

Pat That guy told me life insurance.

Are you either of you worried about the possibility of being cloned? Is this something that comes up for you? Is this a concern for your future?

No, I don't think I'm that important.

That's what I was gonna say. I never felt like I did anything there.

Yeah, I don't think anyone's gonna be like, oh, we need more Nicole.

Yeah, nobody's ever going to be like, you know what, we really need more of wamul and blamuel jokes.

I think it could be the only one of you think the resources are thin enough at this point that they're not like reaching out to where you guys sit in the universe.

I would go I would go so far as to say, I don't think that that will ever be a resource that is far reaching because we are already dealing with overcrowding. I don't think I don't think that it's ever going to be a major technology to like make more people without the way we make more people, you know what I'm saying, Like if like it just doesn't counter to what's going.

On, I don't know. I see a world where there are clones and their little worker bees because they're not people.

Oh so you could treat them the way like slaves, like, but they are people. They are people, well they are.

People, but like to the clone makers clonemakers, they're not real people.

They're little entities their shells and they do the.

Work they do because their clones and the clone makers know that.

I don't think anybody's giving up on slavery.

No, I don't think so either, which is like kind of crazy, it's crazy.

But they're leg people are still they're still like okay, but what if we if we just move a.

Few things, bro?

And it's like given.

I mean, you know, this is not a new thought. But like, slavery exists more today. There are more active slaves today than they were during the transit landing slave ty. Yeah, that's a.

Real I was like, no, you're telling me no information.

That is a real up. But we treat slavery now as you know, a necessary factor of that we can hide, uh, you know, in these nefarious ways. So like, nah, they'll bring it back. They're just waiting for the right way to really roll it out that we don't get upset about it, right that you don't just make it or robot, does that look like the black people we wish we're working.

But who that's what would piss me off. Yeah, if they start cloning people and then the slave clones are still black, everybody, that's who I'm killing.

Bro, everybody. They doubled down. They doubled down, Bro, you could have made them orange. They better look like apple Jack Paltrow, every single fuck you one.

But then if they make them black, then they could be like, you're a clone, and you're like, actually, I'm not a clone.

Where it gets nasty.

Well, I don't like this world I've created.

No, Yeah, it sucks. Welcome to our imagination room. And this is why he's doing this. This is why I'm always stressed out. But my brain is always wondering if maybe they're going to turn niggas into slaves because of cloning.

And I don't want that.

But you know it's not cloning, but like they use AI for like weird shit like uh like audio books and stuff like, and I'm just like, get someone else to like if that person can't read, it don't makes no sense.

Yeah, I've listened to the If If I Did It by O. J. Simpsons and and it's right there. Yep, I've listened to that on tape and they just got a different man. Yes, you were still there. And also because he had lost the book rights to the people that the family that he had murdered.

And also other men know how to read.

He lost the rights to his own book.

It was the only thing that he had left after the civil trial, and so the Goldman family got the rights to it, and it's it's a tough listen.

I bet it is. I can't believe he wrote a.

Book called If I Did It after you know he one point in the book he imagines another guy is there and he is attempting to stop the other guy, but Ron Goldman does karate.

On the other guy, and then the other guy, losing the fight in the karate, murders Ron Goldman in front of him, and then OJ helps to clean up the.

When he died, his head opens.

I don't even think they needed to check out.

I think it's probably out at that point.

I think they could see some lumps from the outside.

O you got a little bit. I think he had the biggest brain they ever saw. That bad boy was swollen. It grew three sides of that day.

I hope they clone OJ.

I don't you don't say, I hope not.

There's so many other people on my wh Do you want to get cloned Bernie Mack, Yeah, first, that would be the first one. That's a great answer, Bigie. Robin Harris, very good, very good to Chicago man.

I like this. My grandma Okay.

Would you really want your grandma to be cloned? Because when she.

Comes back good time, she probably won't.

Be the same grandma as your grandma anymore. That's just a woman who looks like your grandma the memories of your grandma, but she might feel differently about you.

I don't even know how many memories she gets.

She might just not, Oh no memories, Oh that I don't want any of those people.

Well, I think they probably get the memories, but like they.

Have free will the memories till they died. Probably I don't take that. Okay, but that but that doesn't mean they feel how they feel about it. Like the memory doesn't make me love you, It just makes it a fact.

Yeah, they have free will to be like whether they like like you or not.

I don't I'm pretty likable.

Okay, you believe if your grandma came back as a clone and was.

Like, I don't like you Grandma, you guys are who that was what? That's why I had to scramble.

Look, man, I never met your grandma, but it felt like she was in the room.

I won't make you pie.

I don't think you pie, Grandma my grandmother.

Leon Grandma's are always making the eating pie.

Now she makes pie because that's part of her.

No, that's you know that. You know that about your grandmother. I know that about your grandmother. Certainly now Nicole, having transferred your grandmother's soul into her body, knows that will pretty Max will be funny. I would hope so.

I hope so too. But he could also choose to be like, I don't want to live that like.

And this is where they get.

That was crazy crazy, That was crazy that you in this bathroom.

Wow. Yeah, we really covered a lot of ground. I also think where it gets nasty and we should go to one more break before we I think the other thing that will get nasty is if they clone burning back much in the way that they did with an. They're gonna fix some things. And part of what made Bernie mac funny was that that I could float away at any time and just leave the building. And if you start making on your toes, and then if you start making Bernie mack with two straight eyes, it's not

And that's how they because they're they're trying to make him go maga.

They're cloning. That's how they get you.

You're really stuck on that.

Yeah, it's unfortunately, maybe the funniest thing I've thought of this month.

Yeah, I do wonder how Avril Levine votes now.

Also, just like just cloned Maga Bernie Mac as a concept is the funniest thing.

I know.

I'm so sad, but.

It's just think about it in practice, it's very funny.

Yeah, Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, he's dancing.

I'm just like a little hat.

On America to sell some milk and cookies. Your night's Ober.

That got me very good milk and cookies.

It's very one of my favorite jokes.

Yeah, all right, we need to take a break. We're we'll be back, Nicole, Mamma told me we're back. We're not gonna let Joe Biden and Kamala Harris cut America's me.

That's that all that, that's that all that, We're back.

I said it before I was supposed to say yeah, but didn't say more. You can you can reintroduce the world that we live in.

Oh, the problem is in my head. It's funnier if I just present it and then don't say.

And you are you are being an artist and I am. I am the hostess with the mostest.

I don't know what you where? You want me to go?

You want me to dance for you?

No see's And that's why I reacted that way. Yeah, because I knew that that that's not what I want, what you want. I just wanted it to lay flat because it's funnier. Flat is funnier than dimension to me.

Okay, we're still here with Nicole Fire. We we have a voicemail from one of our dear listeners. We get voicemails from a lot of people who are concerned about conspiracy theories in Lives of UK. Can you encourage that? Yeah, Okay, it's complicated. We have a complicated relationship with our.

Okay, hey, I like it. Come as you are?

Yeah, why I did come? Yes?

Wait, like ejaculated on a voicemail?

I think that's we think so, Yeah, he certainly wasn't calling us with clothes on. How do you know you can? You can?

You can feel it through the phone.

Can there's an energy where you go? I want to hear that voicemail. Yeah, I'm sorry, we can't play that one again. I got it. Let's do uh, we got a lot of great ones here. Let's do very drunk couple, whatever that is. That could be good. They'll be drunk, I hope. So I've got a theory.

So the monks came to America? Do I hang up?

Oh?

No, this is awesome, This is great. These niggas aren't even in agreement.

You want to hang up, you want to hang up?

This is great. Yeah, I thought I thought she was about to tell us about the couple. No, this couple is. They are drunk and he is more drunk than she. Yeah, let's keep going.

I'll just keep going. Hey, guys, my name, Hey, little mamas, A little bitch, A little bitch, whoa little bitch? Anyway, we gotta I got a conspiracy theory to the monks came right. They've been walking. Does it feel more fucking peaceful around this bitch?

They're walking for peace, they're walking for peace, but it hasn't been peaceful. This motherfucker.

We don't feel any more peaceful. It doesn't do peaceful. I don't know. They're bringing the drama, more drama than a Real Housewives of Atlanta show this season, the whole season, it's been awful. Bye little freak.

Mamasitch, your voicemail is disgusting to bye bitch.

First of all, I love your love. I think it's beautiful for him. They're they're so happy together.

They were very high.

You ever get a drink with your girl and want to make print calls?

Yes.

And they saw something that night that fucked them up. The monks. They saw they saw a monk and they said, hey, bro, it ain't working. Whatever you're doing ain't working. We gotta call We gotta call David and Langston about this.

That's is so funny to be like, monks came over and they make it more peaceful.

What what do they think? Monks do?

They not only think they didn't make it peaceful. They said they made it worse. They said, since those monks got here, ship has gone down hill. Those bald freaks just here. You don't know what they as soon as they pulled up bales got worse. That was kind of awesome. They were and they had no synchronosity. They didn't. They didn't you know what happened they got home from the uber.

He said, damn baby. Their monks were crazy, she said, yeah, no, and then they started talking and they got themselves worked up up, and then one of them.

Was like, I got a call. I'm gonna I'm calling right.

Where do you think they're coming from? In the uber from the.

Monks, I think that they Okay, can I paint a picture?

Yeah?

I think that they live in New York City or some other major urban area. I think that they were leaving a bar and they came across from hardy Christners and then.

They were like this, nigga, don't do nothing.

And then they were talking about it, and then you know, you get it worked up, and then you get home and then you eat all the pizza rolls.

We gotta make some phone call.

And then yeah, right after I'm still up. You still up? Yeah, there's no more shows to watch.

Yeah, we're probably too drunk for sex.

One of us can consent. She said.

The monks have caused more drama than the real.

Housewives have Atlanta, specifically because they had peacock on in the background, maybe watching the bus down.

That that that and there's no though on that. The same way early on, excuse on, girl, you've got your nation. I got but yeah, I think they were. I think I think they just were in the right kind of space a phone call, and I think, unfortunately to your point, they had had a lot of conversation about the monks. Yes, that they.

Laid that voice.

We needed more information from what happened. Did a monk throw something at you?

You saw you had to have seen a monk and some sneakers do some slit ship and that triggered you in a way that that you're not explaining to us.

So what's your name?

Yeah, introduce your Yeah, call back, get just as drunken routing and call back.

Maybe give it a couple of days. I know that head's pounded.

Yeah today, Yeah, we we We are grateful that you all have each other. They're grateful that you would make the phone call to speak to us, and we pray that you get uh some of this behavior in order not too much, not too much. You're freel feel free to call us like this anytime. But do know that you all clearly get to a level of drunk that maybe could affect your relationships outside of each other. And that's what we're thinking about.

We don't know how often they do this either, though.

Yeah, this might be their yearly drunk.

Yeah, that's fair speak once a year. You should be able to get drunk with your partner. I think you should be able to get drunk as much as you want, as long as y'all are both in agreement that this is okay. We used to throw up together. Really, Yeah, I bet you get drunk. She'd be throwing up, I'd be throwing up, and we both be like, damn, good night. Huh.

I feel like you and Nikki together drunk would be real because I've seen like you're kind of high and she's drinking a little bit. But like, I feel like you guys both on ten would be a lot of fun.

We we really allow the control to be lost. Yeah. Yeah, And we get to a certain point and we had a run. We had a great run.

Me and Alana got drunk in San Diego at the hotel and then we walked around the arena and then we went into.

The gym and we're on the stretching machines. Ship face. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I.

Was anyone else in the gym. It was like, I hope you were so ship faced. There was someone trying to wiley walk on the treads always like, what the fuck is going on?

That's what I truly hope.

Someone's telling that story right now. These dudes drunk, the fuckers came.

Out even see and in that way, we're honored to be your stretching machine. Thank you for coming. Thank you, Nicole. This has been great. Hey, so fun, Thanks for having thanks for being here. Can you tell the people where they can find you? What cool ship you have going on? Yeah?

I got podcasts. Why won't you dake me? Best Friends ninety day Bay that's on Patreon.

And that's it.

Yeah, podcast right now, you're on TV. Yeah, people can see you in a.

Lot of lots of programs.

Yeah, sounds a little bit of a drought.

But you look at the backlog.

It is for all of them. Yeah, nobody's on TV, truly nobody. Yeah, but but go follow Nicole. Yeah, listen, watch all of the podcasts. She's great. What you got? I got this podcast? Hell yeah? Sign up for our Patreon.

Sign up for the patres so I can buy a stretching machine. Have promised my wife that in them.

When I get stretching machine, I'm gonna stretch you out.

We're gonna have a shresh you out.

We're gonna have a whole room for the stretch of machines. Baby.

First I'm gonna get a car.

I'm gonna stretch you out. And I got that car out. I got that car. Then I'm gonna buy a set of new shirts. And then I'm gonna clone my grandma. And then it's gonna be a solid stretching machine. She will get in the way of our relationship at all. She just gonna need to use it to stretch she she likes to do that. You can follow me at lengthton Kerman. It really sucks when you bomb at the end. You can follow me at Lengthston Kerman on all the social media platforms. Uh and and uh and and please

Created and hosted by Langston KRKNY.

Co hosted by David Boordi.

Executive producer by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique, Edited and engineered by.

Justin Kopf, music by Nick Chambers.

Artwork by Dogon Creeley.

You can now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me on YouTube. Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel

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