Motherfucking Mini Your soul MANI episode, motherfucking Mini Your sol.
Yep, yep, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama told.
Me the podcast would we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
And we finally work to approve the theories that you the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking mini episode, Baby, you know the deal. But but but is the correct response. It's a chance for you idiots to tell us your stupid thoughts and then we share our completely unthoughtful opinions on them. We don't think about it at all, never once. Yeah, it's a David and I'm sure you can you can
affirm this. You've never we've never gotten on and had like a strategy meeting about how to approach the emails.
No, I come in hot. I was watching Milli Vanilli not four minutes ago you were.
You were watching Milli Vanilli and we had a pretty lengthy conversation about about their history.
Yeah, their lineage there. You know, I just want to say, ri Ipeter Vanilly.
We missed you Vanilly. We the way you pretended to sing those songs was almost unmatched. Were it not for MILLI, yeah, shout though, shout out to Milly, he'd be doing it. And he's still doing it. He never gave up. All right, we can't bullshit because time we have an email and this is an exciting email. Uh and the the sound of my daughter's bath is running in the background, which only punctuates the email even more. It just makes it all very romantic in a certain way. I don't know
why a baby's bathwater makes it romantic. I decided I didn't like the way I phrased that sentence and regretted immediately.
Yeah.
I'm on your side for most things, but that was not great. No, it was real bad. And I just want to apologize to the listeners and my baby, everybody hurt by what I said. Me so sorry.
But two of the listeners as well, A grown woman's bathwater all for it? Me so horny.
He doeshing wrong with that.
You say what you want about a baby's bathwater, but give me that goddamn grown ladies.
Oh, I'll get in it. I'll get after you, girl. Tub What are we talking about? Why are you getting in after I don't know it's like a weird sexual thing. If it's like, you know when Charlottagne the God sniffed Jennifer Lopez's seat.
Yeah, no, I'll never forget it.
Absolutely no shot her around the world. I remember that. But it's like a similar thing.
Laying her dirt a little bites. We got an email from a person named Chelsea. Chelsea sent us an email with the subject line, my mama told me gas prices and she says high Linkston and David loved the podcast. My boyfriend and I recently moved from one suburb to a slightly nicer suburb. Yesterday, he commented that gas was much more expensive near our new house, twenty five to fifty cents more, and reflexively said, yeah, gas is always cheaper in the hood. Now, I don't know if this
is something my mama actually told me. I heard it somewhere and have generally found it to be true, so I just took it as fact. Is gas cheaper in the hood? Is the question? Chelsea is asked game.
This is a tough question, because, like, I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you guys. They popped me for drunk driving in two thousand and nine. I have not had a driver's license since. Wow, I don't know how much the gas costs. People are always crying about it. I don't. I don't fucking know.
Wait, they got you in two thousand and nine, and you've never gone back.
I never they got me and they.
Is it because you can't go back? Or is it like, nah, you got me, I'm retiring from the game type shit.
Yeah, I didn't like driving anyways, to be completely honest.
Sure that's why you would get drunk before you do it.
You're like, yeah, yeah, it's the same way I felt about high school tough interactions with friends.
I gotta take the edge off'n.
Yeah, this is good. I gotta drive home.
No, I need to get at least a point on nine. This ain't gonna yeah.
We'll say, we'll go with that. We'll go with point on nine. Is what I got before you said. I never drove again, So I know, I don't know. I mean I thought that like stuff was supposed to be like more expensive, like via food deserts. It would be crazy if oil prices trickled down cheaper to black people.
Yeah, and you know what what makes if we're comparing it to the food of it all. What would be even crazier is if we do, in fact have cheaper gas prices in the hood, but also it's like worse gas. It's like just gas as bad for your car and like makes your car's foot get cut off and shit, you know what I mean.
I could see them giving us diabetes gas.
That's yes, there's diabetes gas.
Like and then we find out it's like it's like when you find out find out menthols are worse for.
You, right, It's like, oh, there's glass in these.
Why do you put glass in these? And why'd you make them taste minty fresh? You know?
I like minty fresh.
You know my favorite color is green. Sprite Newports going. I was up and there with four Sprite New Cools, Benson and.
Head listening listening cigarettes at this point.
Paul Maul Greens Junior Mints.
Those are pretty much white with like a dash.
There's a lot of green on the box Nerd rope. The candy Nerd rope has a lot of green. Mountain dew. You love mountain dew.
I don't love mountain dew.
We so we've talked about.
Split.
I'm glad you overcame it, but it's like, just because you're an ex crackhead doesn't mean you don't still like crack.
I'm not a dhead anymore.
I don't like the steps. No, I don't like you dyeing your do roots.
I don't want to be a do daddy no more.
But to speak, to speak to the gas thing, I don't. I don't have you found that true? You drive right?
I do drive. I will say that's it's one of those things where like, yeah, I guess technically it's true, but it's not a thing that necessarily is like such a massive difference that I feel like, oh, man, I gotta drive our you know, fucking like twenty miles out of my way to go benefit from those cheap gas prices in the hood.
I also wonder about it because I won't speak to everyone. But as far as for me and mind, I think I filled up my entire gas tank maybe three times in my whole driving career, So I don't know you're one of those Oh don't be like, don't do that to me.
Come on, man, I fill my shit up, but I'll see always I take it to the edge, though, I'll take.
A run it around coffs. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where it's like when it's like when you're driving it, you can feel like the gas going out. Yeah.
Me and my wife we've gotten in a fair amount of arguments because she believes that, like after a quarter is left, you're meant to fill it back up. That like what that And that's one hundred percent my pointing. You're a reasonable man, and that's why I enjoy doing this with you.
A quarter is so much. A quarter is one fourth of.
It exactly that That's literally what I said, Like.
If it's one hundred miles, I'm going twenty five more miles. It's not that's crazy.
Yeah, and I'm I'm going ninety nine more miles, is my stance. But I hear you on the twenty five. Twenty five is a crazy place to stop. Yeah, my cell phone battery. The thing is she believes this, but she doesn't even like live by the shit, you know what I mean. It's like one of those things where like she implemented that for me on some like husbandly duties type shit.
Oh, like you gotta ride around, you got to fill it up when it gets to a quarter. But if she's riding on me. It's not a problem.
Yeah, it's an emergency. I had to get home really fast. Sorry. You know, uh, you ain't got nothing to do. Go ahead, fill up the gas tank.
Do you do it? Though? Yeah?
I mean, what am I gonna do? Stop getting pussy?
Here? I am? You know, that's the strangest way I've ever heard someone contextualized marriage. What am I gonna do? Stop? What am I gonna do? Stop getting She's my wife.
She's my everything? What I give up all that pussy?
No?
No, no, no, I'll fill up the gas tang when you.
Say I don't know why it would be cheaper in the hood, though, what? Well?
I think I think it led me to sort of look this up right in one of the things, or at least I attempted to look up. And it gets pretty ugly because when you look up why is gas cheaper in the hood. The first thing that popped up was a Reddit thread where it says.
If they said something about Jewish people, yeah, I wish it actually is. It's almost more painful because somebody says, why is gas usually cheaper in the ghetto, which already you know is coming from a hateful place.
I understand from a bad place.
Nobody in twenty twenty two is calling the hood the ghetto and not like having bad wishes for the.
People that live there.
No, she doesn't come in peace, No, not at all.
And the answer, I think felt more painful to me somehow because I'm not even sure. I don't know how to respond to it. But the one answer that's here says, less people own cars in the ghetto, therefore the demand for gas is less. Price goes down to comply.
No, that's not black people have cars.
Yeah, that thing like they really think we just like black people just don't have We get.
We have the things that they have. You know what, I thought it was gonna say, because they're big Cadillac, their big Cadillac lips to guzzle up all the gas, we gotta make it scarce sort shit. I thought it was going to be something about the size.
Of the vehicles, a big old Lincoln Navigator, monkeys. It's it didn't feel good, And I don't know that there's a definitive answer for this thing, but I do think, just based off of my own sort of like not careful but sometimes effective analysis, it does seem like the gas is a little cheaper, but that also seems like, you know, it's the reason they sell fucking Arizona iced
tea's in you know, fucking corner stores and shit. It's like, yeah, that's where motherfuckers can buy it, and they're they're get the most sale that way. So you make it affordable enough that you can activate the sales.
Right, because that is the thing is like, man, if we're just and once again, I don't want to blank it any but everybody we're just talking about, like me and me and mine, I come from people who will buy this little bit.
Of gas possible exactly.
Yeah, Like I'll put one eighty eight on two and then maybe maybe maybe get twelve out of the take a penny, leave a penny, and just go on and bump it up and make it two on two.
Like, well, so you're getting a third of a gallon of gas to be able to like keep moving at this point.
I mean, but this is an a nine prices.
Okay, So you are getting twelve gallons of gas for two dollars. You were filling up your tank on two dollars and moving on.
I'm willing. I'm willing, Like I said, I I was not a big fill up the whole tank, because fill up the tank. What am I'm driving to fucking Detroit? I gotta fill up this tank. That's insane to me.
How far do you think you can get on a full tank of gas?
Man, don't make me? Uh? Where are you at? What do you think?
How far in the country do you think you can get? You're in You're in Denver. Where do you think you can reach?
What kind of car am I in?
Let's say it's it's a Honda Civic. It gets good miles, let's go that way. This is a factory made, no fast, no furious. A full tank of gas, I would assume. From Denver, Colorado, I feel like I could get halfway through Wyoming. Okay, See that required me to know American geography better than I do. But that sounds wrong. Wyoming is a pretty big state. It's a pretty fun from Wyoming here though, you're two hours from Wyoming.
Yeah, to like the because that's to get fireworks.
Okay, And then and then you think you can go another half a state of driving before that tank runs out?
Is that not how many? Is that not correct?
I don't think so. I think a Honda is getting like three hundred miles per gallon and or.
Per that that that can't per tank, not gallon, Honda.
So I don't think you're getting as far as you've imagined.
I think you're playing me out because I told you that I haven't driven in, you know, over a decade.
Now, I presume you still know where the gas pedal and the break are.
I could drive like I'm not like like if it went down today, I can get in. I can drive a stick. Most people can't do that.
I can't drive a stick.
Exactly what is it? What are you proving? I got lost in the sauce? Twelve point four gallons? So how many? How many gallons? How many miles per gallon? You think? Uh?
On some like highway shit.
I think you'll probably get like with the Honda Civic, like twenty eight to thirty.
Okay, hold on, so let's let's do this math here.
I'll make it easy for you. It's thirty times ten plus sixty, so it's it's about three sixty.
Is that new math? Okaye?
Eight?
And then how long is wyoming to sound?
I love that we can hear how you type in real time.
I hate that I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have said any. I feel like you guys would have thought I was a hacker. Yo, Wyoming's only three hundred and sixty miles long and two hundred eighty miles wide.
Okay, I mean, I still think your numbers are a little off of maybe maybe maybe it's mag dab in the middle with your gas tank.
What's like three sixty eight so one eighty plus two hours to get out of Denver. So we figure I'm going sixty miles an hour one hundred and twenty miles, so one twenty plus one eighty that's like three hundred that's like exactly right. I was exactly right. I was exactly right.
I don't know that I'm buying it, but maybe play with me.
Any listeners who check my math email, don't tweet I don't.
Have one, don't tweet at him. He doesn't have one. In frankly, I'm not reporting the tweets you sent.
So I think I got it, bro I think I got it. Listeners, tell me if I didn't get it from Denver, Colorado to the middle of Wyoming on one tank, and let's be honest, A two thousand and one to two thousand and six Honda Civic. I think I think I was perfect. Wow.
If true, I'm devastated, and I will I will spend our next mini episode submitting a formal apology you and everyone involved. Well until then, I think we covered this, Chelsea.
I don't.
I don't know that we have a clear, definitive answer on your thing, but it seems likely. It seems likely that the ghetto has the ghetto has a little less expensive gas than their suburban counterpart.
Uh.
She also, uh, this will be this can be our big dismount. She also said, unrelated, I am also mixed black mom and white dad, and I completely agree with your white mom theory. For those of you that don't remember, I believe that mixed kids with white moms end up weird as fuck, and uh, mixed kids with black moms are pretty cool anyway. White mom syndrome is what I call it. I grew up in central Illinois, where there were not many black people and even fewer mixed people.
There were four of us in town. We called ourselves a biracial coalition. Don't love that, Chelse.
Yeah, that's not a good.
Chelsea like that at all.
Not a lot of sauce on that meat. No, not at all.
She said, two had black moms and two had white moms. The ones with white moms were weird as hell and seemed to struggle with their identity at less, at least more than I did. My mama showed me imitation of life when I was six years old and said things like, see, that's why you should never try to pass anyway. Thanks for all the last by bitch, Chelsea.
Thank you, Chelsea. I think that that and not and this sounds crazy, I think a lot of that probably comes down to grooming.
Mmm, like like literal physical grooming.
Hair and stuff like that. I think that it's I think that with a white mother it would be harder to figure out you. Like, I mean not as much for boys, because you could just get a barber cut, but like if you're she doesn't know how to relax hair, she doesn't know you know what I mean that, Yeah, I feel like that would be very and that that is a thing that could keep you on the outside.
Yeah.
No, if you have an awkward morning every morning with your mom and your hair, you're gonna be a little bit of a weirdo when you get to school.
That day, you know, right, exactly exactly, and your dad's not going to know how to do it either.
No, he's sitting there smoking menthos right, No wonder why they taste so good.
Now, if you grew up with a bunch of black women like I did, I can relax all your hair, ladies.
Hey, and he'll get in that bathtub when you're down to Hey.
Come on, all right, we did it.
Could you tell the people at home where they can find you what cool shit you have going on?
You can find me a cool guy jokes eighty seven on Instagram. Come see me at the Illegion in Los Angeles on September fifteenth. Then come see Langston Kerman in Denver for Faded Comedy Denver at the Skylark Lounge in Denver, Colorado, bringing you the best black and around brown headliners from around the country and locally. Hell, we do. I do host it with the white guy because we had the trojan or it is Colora. But trust me, he doesn't get to talk much. Great.
I love as long as he's pretty much silent. I'm cool with this as always. You can follow me at Langston Kerman and you can come see me if you're in Los Angeles competing on that same day, nine to fifteen, I'll be at the Lyric Hyperion doing my hour. Go see David, go see me. You make the choice. Oh remember you've burned a bridge. If you choose the wrong one, light skin politics man, then come see me at Faded
the next day in Denver. Travel you deserve it. And then finally, if you're in New York, I'll be at City Winery the Loft on September nineteenth. I would love to see you out in New York. So I got some shows coming up. And as always, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, your own drops, your own bullshit about gas prices, send it to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. Okay, that's it. Bye, bitch.
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