Motherfucking mini episode, mini episode, motherfucking mini episode. Me.
I tell you girl, flex tight me. I'm six. Welcome to my Mama told me.
The podcast when we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
And we finally worked to prove the conspiracies of you, the stupid, stupid listener, you.
Stupid son of a bitch, and we're gonna talk to you.
I guess it's My name is David Boy.
I'm Langston Carman, and this is exciting. We we're doing a motherfucking mini episode. We are talking about about y'all shit, and we we got an email Borya. I would say you you brought this to everyone's attention that this email came in. You want to talk about what you felt when you first read this.
Sometimes you read a statement that makes you feel like you're doing things wrong and you have been doing things wrong, or that you're not playing the game in the way that others are doing and you're missing out. And I think that I think that's that's what I felt here. It was very it was bewildering. It made me question my sense of decorum. It made me question how I go about things in my life and what I am and am not looking for an apartment.
I couldn't have put it better myself. I think, I think what what was described to me and then ultimately what I read shocked me. It disgusted me, but it also made me question almost everything, which is what good art does. And so I say, let us share that with with our listeners. Why don't we all have this experience together.
Let's get in there.
We got an email from a person named well, I think they want us to use their name, a person named Justin. They end with sincerely fucking nerds. So who the fuck knows what that is? Believe in yourself, I guess. But Justin sent us an email where they said, greetings mister Kerrman and your excellency mister Bory.
That's what I like.
Yeah, you're royal in his eyes. Hey nigga, I know you, I know you you a mud bloods, but he said, I want to say thank you for the many hours of entertainment that you have provided to me on my adventures like you, sendor Kerman. This motherfucker is weird. I grew up outside of the shy Okay it was Rockford. Fuck you, Justin? How far is that Rockford is ours from Chicago?
This is that the town from a week of there.
Ain't nowhere near where I live. How dare you cross? I crossed a street and I was in Chicago. You had to you had to plan a day trip, you had to pack up picnic basket.
Yeah, I'm going to.
Don't make us the same, motherfucker anyway, he says. But I have digressed, he says, my mama told me. And he says a lot of other glowing things about the podcast and and also bust down and he's clearly a big fan, and we appreciate all of that. But he said, my mama told me that if you put ear wax in a girl's vagina and it sizzled, she had an st D heard that from a homeboy in college. Never
believed it, but it has definitely stuck with me. And yes, I have tried to get ear wax and place it in a female's for them, but due to my impeccable hygiene, I didn't have any sure, So I don't know if it works. And I don't bang nasty chicks.
You're a liar, you don't bang any chicks. I don't believe this guy.
Oh, you're not buying this at all.
No, I don't bang nasty chicks. Yeah, oh, I'm sorry. I guess you don't know about the spice of life. Then yes, we will never have earbax because if you're impeccable, you q tip it before you get any of the fuck is this guy talking? Sorry, No, I.
Think your I think your reaction is is apt it is. It's correct. You don't have any earwax. You can't possibly find a single little drop of residue left in your ear.
Yeah, it's not like it's not having earwax. Is it hygiene? Not cleaning it out. It's like if you poop, you're gonna have poop in your booty. That's why you wipe it, bro.
Yeah, and also, ear wax ain't ain't not supposed to be there. It's like a protective casing from all the shit that's easily damaged inside of your head.
Yeah. I don't like this guy, even.
Though he treats you like royalty, you're not. You're not a fan.
Bro tails all his time, total my therapist.
He goes on to say, I am currently married and we just celebrated our twentieth anniversary. I was in fucking Iraq proof. So yeah, so I will probably never be able to find out if this is true. So you, dear Sirs, I passed a challenge onto you.
I feel like we're getting trolled. At first, I was excited. I don't know about this guy anymore.
You're you're not convinced that this isn't somebody just trying to make us talk about a stupid ass topic.
Well, y'all, so inserted. I was in Iraq for no reason.
He mentions it in the earlier part of the email that he had spent time over there. I assume vacationing.
I think he's an oil magnetue. So there's so much to unpack here.
Uh.
First of all, do I believe this? Hell? No, yeah.
It it's vile.
It's disgusting.
It's surely one of the most vile things that I think I've ever heard suggested.
Bro. And look, I'm all for putting stuff in stuff, love how you want to love, like, I don't you know what I mean, but this is nasty.
It I think what makes it feel the ickiest to me is that it doesn't feel consensual. It doesn't feel like whoever's putting the ear wax in there, like asked, and then the girl was like, hell, yeah, I'm into that. It was surely like, I'm doing this to test you, and then if it works, I'm gonna fuck your earwax pussy like I'm gonna yeah.
You gotta clean that shit. Everything about this is so ass like.
It really gives me this.
Like, yeah, what is the because this isn't a kink, this is you're doing it to check if she's clean.
Yeah.
And moreover, it also implies that like you were worried about this woman from the beginning, that you you were truly like, I'm not even convinced that she's well.
Not him, he doesn't bang nasty chicks.
Yeah, of course then he doesn't have earwax. But but for everybody else, us low life, we were just consenting to be with people that we we presume are fucking filthy, and the only way to test is through escrement.
This is I mean, Olivia has alluded us to the fact that there is an entire reddit about this.
Yeah, it says on the reddit overheard a conversation about how to use ear wax to detect STDs. Overheard fuck you. It goes like this, lying when you're fooling around with the lady, dig into your ears and retrieve a gold wad.
Everything about this is a virgin.
Oh fuck, it's so gross. Stick your finger into the vagina. If the lady jumps because of burning, then she has a STD. I just want to know if any of y'all heard about this. The first response, and the most popular of them, is she's jumping because who the fux wants a wad of ear wax in their goddamn vagina? And whoever said that is correct?
I think, yeah, this is this sounds like this is so, this is if this is real, it's based in nonsense and the fact that I don't think men knew how Pussy's work worked until about ten years ago.
Like listen, buddy, I'm still figuring it out. But I know you ain't supposed to put ear wax in there.
I know what can't go in there. Yeah, and I think that's.
A good I know they have a very sensitive pH ballance. Yeah, ways sort of at play down there, and one of the things that fucks up pH balances as far as I know, is a stranger's earwax.
Yeah. I don't think you should put a stranger's earwax in any part.
No, no, no, no, bonjour. It is I Langston Kerman and me.
You're more not me, not me. We we.
And we are terribly excited because we're bringing our podcast. My mama told me to the Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal.
Oh, it's gonna be great. We're gonna have great guests for you, door prizes, and us in person. You can come see us, touch us, smell us, whatever you need to do.
Come smell our hair, y'all. You gotta do it, and and listen. We're gonna be at the Hilton Double Tree in Montreal, and you don't want to miss it. It's gonna be an amazing show. It's gonna be the most fun you can imagine at eleven am in the morning.
Yeah, it's gonna be the best thing you can do besides eating a late breakfast. So remember that's Friday, July twenty eighth, at eleven am in the Hilton Double Tree, Montreal. Or you can go to hahaha dot com and search my mama told.
Me, just look up. My mama told me live shows were gonna be there Montreal. Monsieur we we.
They don't even it's not even specific. There's a lot of sti's out there. You shad like, there's a lot like it burns for clemenia the same way it burns for syphilis.
Yeah, are we saying that that AIDS is on the table. If Yeah, if you fucking put earwax in a ladies pussy.
This is just And if that was the case, if earwax was some kind of a miracle substance, wouldn't we have done We'd be doing more with it. We'd have been bottling that ship. We have it in abundance.
Listen, if earwax could in fact detect STDs, Frank Thomas would be doing commercials where he's like, buddy, you gotta get nugenics and you gotta get this ear wax because we would be need to know if these ladies are dirty.
We would be mining it from poor Indian children and Mumbai we'd have earwax factories next to sweatshops.
Yeah.
No, ear wax would be a it would be a lost resource. We would be mining it out of people's heads and instead we are just letting it fall naturally or pick it out or whatever it is that we do with it.
Yeah, this is I started out excited about this, but now I hate it.
No, it's haunting. This is it's it's truly haunting. It does show you how low humanity continues to sink. I guess it is maybe the best way of phrasing it that like we are, this is where we're at, where we're still telling children that like earwax can be a sick pussy detector. Yeah, also does it work for a boy's peet hole?
Hell? Hell stop it explore this option.
It just seems very gendered in a way that I don't.
And also it feels like it comes from this idea that like, like you said that, it does feel gender. It does feel like it comes from this place of like vaginas are disgusting, gaping, you know what I'm saying, Like on some like pussies are gross. Yeah they could.
They could sizzle at any minute from from all the yucky that's in there. It's like, hey, buddy, I've been in there. They're pretty cool.
I put my mouth in there, you know what. I don't put my mouth.
On earwax never, you know, not gonna start.
Nope, Nope, nope, nope. That shit is gross.
Yeah, that's not for me, and if she.
Lets you put iarwax in a pussy, maybe she gotta do better for herself.
And I do think that that can be if if we're gonna even this conversation out, I do think, ladies, you gotta stand up for yourself at some point, this can't just all be you know, you blame your upbringing or the patriarchy. If it comes down to earwax, that's on you, sister, and you gotta you gotta swat that hand away.
You know. Also, I'm sure there was a series of bad decisions before he put his ear wax in the pussy.
Baby girl, you knew he was an earwax dude.
You knew he was an ear wax dude. He's got dragons on his shirt.
You had the feeling, and you kept seeing this through and you gotta think about that.
That's why you don't take Tooma guy who's upper lip is standing from Mountain dewkede Red Come on, and you love Code Red or was a draw dog regular, right.
I didn't make it all the way to the New Flavors. I found out after that.
That's good for you. They do. They are doing some crazy stuff with the new ship.
Though, Yeah, they had that purple one for a minute, that dark one, Mountain dew. It was like Mountain Dew midnight or some shit.
They got a pink one that almost got me the other day. I was in the gas station like, oh shit, fuck, yeah, I ain't doing it. Yeah, you gotta be safe out here. Mountain dude's trying to catch you. Yeah. But I think maybe if you put some mountain doing that pussy and it starts to sizzle, there's a problem.
Come on, there's a problem. I don't know if it's an STD, but it ain't good.
I did no sizzling pussy, is I think ever good?
Hey?
I think?
And maybe that's the best takeaway. We can offer the listeners here and and justin as well, in case you decide to step out on your wife of twenty years and get some of that nasty pussy you've heard so much about. If it sizzles, it's bad.
Yeah, if it's sizzle. If it sizzles, let it chizzle.
Pussy ain't a faia. You don't want it to sizzle. You want it to be nice in room temperature when you show up.
But if it burps, make it squirt, you feel good about saying that I hate it. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it when I was thinking it in my mind.
Yeah, it feels like one of those that you gotta see all the way to the end.
Though.
Yeah, I had to let it out, but.
Well, we're gonna keep it in. I'm not gonna let justin edit that out of the podcast.
Oh you should, I got it. Sometimes you gotta sit in your mistakes, you know what I mean.
I own it, hey, and hope those mistakes don't got your wax in them, because that shit's gonna burn apparently.
All right, I think we did it.
We we did something. I don't think it was a good thing, and I maybe it was. Maybe this is the kind of work that we need to be doing more often. Is just helping to illuminate to a lot of people that they're they're damn fools.
Yeah, and just be cool to pussies, man, be cool. I don't want to be that.
I you know, I'm not like I don't want to sound like this like male faminess, but you know, I'm not one of those guys.
I don't want to make this a bell Hooks article. But just be cool to pussy. Well, if you, if you yourself want to tell us how to be cool to pussies, you can send those thoughts to mymama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you, Bory. Do you want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?
I'm going on the Aluminum Foil tours, So if you are coming out to one of the dates, send a picture of some food that you made and if I like it, I'll choose you and then I'll eat it. I'll give you some free in or some shit. I haven't figured out what the winners get. All the dates are at bring David aplate dot com. You can also find me on Instagram. Cool guy Joke City seven and come out to them. My mom and told me tour it's gonna be amazing. We need we actually do need you.
Like we talk a lot of shit, but like for this one little thing, for this.
One national tour, we we need you to kind of show up and be there because we don't get like reliant on it. Yeah no, we we'll we'll we'll ditch you in a second. Yeah, but please come out. We'll be in Montreal, We'll be in Houston. We'll be in Austin. We'll be in Chicago, Seattle, New York, Pittsburgh. I think that's everywhere. La la fuck la we are. We are coming to all of those cities if you live nearby, if you live in them, we would love to see you.
All of the The information is available on the Instagram site as well as as well as our own personal sites, and also follow me at Langston Herman, follow the YouTube, subscribe, watch the videos, do whatever the fuck happens over there.
Oh, rate, send a rating on the on the Apple podcast. Rate it. Yes, I read them, I like them.
We used to get a lot more ratings, and I think you guys tapered off because we stopped demanding it of you. But bitch, we demand again. Go on go on Apple and and rate, and subscribe and write a review and make it as specific as possible, to the point that we don't even often understand the reference.
That's what I like.
Yeah, all right, I think that's everything. Bye, bitch, look.
At your name, but said he's a meet stretcher. You'll stretch on me. Pull a luya?
Well, mini mini episode? Will the fucking mini ever sew? Well, the fucking mini ever sell Mini episode. Will the fucking mini ever sell h