24Carrot Tragic (with Tahir Moore)

My mom is delucial about certain day. Like when I first know to l A, he was like, well, if you just called Hollywood and tell him you want to be an actor, tell him.

That's that's a number.

That's the one culized number for Hollywood, and I can call on which more to be like, Okay, you want to get let.

Me Yeah, I'm trying to talk to Frank Hollywood. Listen here, Frank, I'm ready. I don't know if you've been hearing about a young nigga gotta Saint Louis man, but guess what, motherfucker, I'm in town.

I'm ready to get the cameras and get the lights, racist.

The.

Money, val stuff I can't tell me.

Make me sweat, make me hotter, make me lose my breath, make me water. There it is, there it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

The podcast where we died deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

And we finally worked to prove that Blake Griffin had to be traded out of Los Angeles because he was secretly on the verge of making a stand up special that would burn this entire industry to the ground. Motherfuckers were gonna lose their goddamn minds over that. Blake Griffin land to get him the fuck out of here.

In the Room part two.

Come on, man, he was gonna make something crazy.

Yeah, I would watch it. Taylor was gonna direct, it would have been a whole time. Come on, man, I miss Taylor.

Taylor Griffin, that's the one that you felt the most connected to.

Yeah, I really liked him in Oklahoma.

Our guest today, I don't know how he feels about Taylor Griffin. Were Blee or Blake Frankly, that's true. We've never had this conversation. So I'm excited. Come in, come in hot with your your hot takes on on Blake or Taylor Griffin. But he's so funny, comedian, actor, podcaster, writer, all kinds of goddamn amazing things. He's tours. He has an amazing podcast called Wording is Hard. He says, ship give it up for to hear more. Trust. I love that A little sparkle for you.

I didn't even know that was possible.

No, it's the update, the update, So man, I'm.

Afraid up to That's how they get you I'm saying, it's like the update that I'm gonna get collectors calling now PG and EOS where I'm at, Like, yeah, it's like a lot of dominoes.

I don't want to know, right, because you agreed to something that then agreed to a bunch of other things that now makes it so you owe money that you thought you got away with.

Man, I'm still stucking bills from eight baby.

Come on.

You know what's crazy is is every I would say, every about three months, I get a bill from a hospital in South Africa because I had like an infection while I was there and went to the er and they helped me and it was very nice, and they did not whatever resolve the money that was owed to them while I was still on the continent. And I come back and they'd be like emailing like, hey, you owe us four hundred zigama boobs and it's like I'm not paying you bitches, No Singama boobs.

You're not gonna stiff the one hospital that needs it. Yeah, No, you're feeling that's some most evil ship. Like Okay, see the SINAI I get it, you know what I mean.

Famous people go there.

You're not gonna get my six hundred dollars, some some for un hospital.

Wait a goddamn minute, make your accent.

I would have said you wait.

A fucking minute. I wasn't in the goddamn bush. This wasn't I'm not robbing fucking uh women with their titties out. This is a this was this is a first a first world nation in Africa.

Away from me.

That's what you did when you got the bill. That's what you said. Only I can only be cured by white medicine. What's crazing me is the flex. Like you know, most people flex cars or houses, whatever.

It's like. I was in South Africa on holiday.

You know, a.

Team of doctors had to come to me and they put me on the floor by myself. Such a pain.

All Right, one of y'all has to decide which villain I am, because right now I'm somehow both. I am both a man so braggadocious that I that that I'm I'm flexing about my South African trip. But I am also a fucking predator.

I am.

I am Donald Trump Junior with that gun standing on an elephant. I'm a fucking monster.

Apparently at the same time, anything I've learned from the fall of idiots.

That damn powerful, powerful words fellas uh.

I don't think with the ball eyes they come on. I like that.

I like that to hear you. You came to us today with with a conspiracy theory. I'll say I never heard before ever, Bory, where do you say, have you heard this before?

No, I'm not big.

That's not my vegetable choice though for talking about conspiracy.

Okay, you got you got others that that you think about and and have sort of like sinister backgrounds with.

I worry about fruits, more seedless fruits.

Yeah, and just like man, I was, yeah, man, I was at Costco and I was like.

There's no way that you could just have a persimmon here right now.

But I don't this.

This is not about what I think about fruits. I never heard that is.

True though, Like if you think about it, this is how wild it is. Though, before we jump into it, they have genetically modified watermelons to be seedless. But now for more money, you can pay to have a seeded watermelon. So they took something that we are rich, we had at this one price point. They say, hey, we make this better, but if you want this again, you can pay it for now this price point, damn, that's the crazy.

And you're not gonna double charge me for a watermelon, not in this economy. I'm not doing that.

And you know, bananas used to have seeds too, if we're.

Talking, No, they still do have seeds. We just have them bread out like bananas, like we had a banana tree in our backyard and ship another fucking flex. Fuck you both of y'all.

You guy's going crazy.

Yeah, I got banana trees and sometimes I go to foreign nations to steal from their hospitals. I can do it all. The point is.

You are the reason Tyler Perry Movies still exists, Nigga, Your behavior the reason we're always the villain and Tyler Perry Movies.

Yeah you mean the dude who I share a time share with and uh the cocomos. Yeah yeah, so what.

Wo mans co gay coach, that's a cold gay.

But point being to the watermelon example, to remove the seeds is literally that that's what defines a fruit, is that it literally has seeds in it, and then you remove it from there and now suddenly, to your point, it's like an amalgamation of our dreams but also not necessarily real, or at least what it's supposed to be.

I don't know what a malcamation means, but it sounds goods bro, I loved it. But at the same time, like nigga, you could have found another word, Okay, other than a malclamation.

You know what, you know what, I think, I'm just gonna sit this episode out, Fellas.

They're just sitting on the bathroom of toilet with a saw. This nigga is a villain, Bro, This niggas a real life telling.

You know what's so fascinating is Bory's been making this argument for a while now, and you're just confirming everything.

In the first eight minutes nine minutes of recording, You've confirmed it force to go to rich nations and rob them of their resources. Okay, So that lets me know you're in bed with with England.

Okay, connects all the way back for you.

Yeah, you're gonna you're gonna put the sphinx in your back.

Hey.

Hey, you know what, every time I see some crazy ship and I'm like, why the fun is they doing that? I have to remind myself, niggas gonna need.

Peace over me.

It's like, you're not supposed to understand everything because Nigga's gonna.

Need It's real villains out here, baby, and you talking to one of them. Uh you said, yeah, no, draw No, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna lay down in it. What actually make.

A really great villain because you talk very keel and you have the vocabulary. So if you like, if I found out you had sole water supply from small villages, I'd be like that that actually cracks.

Here's what I'll say, And we've talked about this a few times on the podcast. I do aspire towards evil. I think that that's exactly correct. I am a very good bad boy. In my heart of hearts. I would love to be an evil motherfucker, and I don't. I can't bring myself to do it because I'm a coward, because I built a dumb little family. Whatever, but I just can't go all the way to what I want to be.

Even because of a dumb little family. That's his favorite things.

The call of the double one. I have a dumb ass that lets me know that if it came down to it, he ain't dying. Come on, man, two people that were gonna get hit before he do it?

Come on, who's gonna Who's gonna tell the story. Their legend has to live on.

They just got the rights to.

Let their Let them live through me, is what I said.

I love comedy, but I want to do a drama so bad while I am the villain. I want to I I rooted for Joker in the Dark Knight. I was like, it was so good and it was like it was pure chaos with no intention, Like he burnt the money, so don't give it about the money. I can't have no use for that. I just want to watch the world burn. I was like, I can appreciate someone that's that committed to just what they want to do.

Yeah, you too, you too a diabolical I'm not saying this is a colorism thing. I want to be a good guy. I want to be a good guy so bad. I just keep accident. I want to be boring. Please, David, you and I end up doing bad guy ship on accident. I don't want to. I trusted it. I trusted.

Heroes only exist because villains exist, and I don't. There would be no reason for you good guys. You you niggas breathe and live through us. You're welcome, Okay, You're welcome. This is compliment. But yeah, I know, Batman without the joking. You need us to make you look good, to make you feel good about yourself. I'm you? Are you? Him me? It feels like I don't when I hear it. I'm talking. If your feet is out, I make you look good.

He broke down the synopsis to Lego Batman and had Joe Ass strung out.

Man, don't fuck with me like Connor, don't don't miss the money together.

To hear you said, this is maybe the longest we've ever gone without even introducing the very conversation we're gonna have today. So I'm proud of everybody.

Yeah, we've done good.

It's a good But you said, My mama told.

Me karens have been genever be modified to be less effective at fixing your eyesight to help the optometry business.

That's the summation of it.

Okay, so tell me everything.

My grandmother, God rest her soul, was not a doctor, but she swore by carrots making your eyes sight better. I needed glasses two years before I got them because my grandmother had told all her kids, my mother being one of those kids, that just eating carrots will make your eyes better. And my mom thought I wanted glasses because other people in school wanted glasses and oh were wearing glasses.

So I was like, no, that's that's not.

Cool, that's not in pain.

Yeah, it's not like Dordan's like.

But she was like, but you do so well in school, you get all a's wa do you need glasses? I was like, bitch, I am eating like the board, I'm trying the right person to sit next to. And so my mom was like, you just need some carries. I can eat cars because like when she told me that I wouldn't ham, I was going ham I was to buy carris. I'm eating carries every day. Nothing's happening. And she was like they must have changed his carriage stuff to get make people buy more glasses.

I was like, whoa.

So she and you right from the source. She was like, this isn't me being wrong, This isn't some sort of like over exaggeration of a solution. She's like, no, no, no, there was a time where niggas ate six carriats and could see better.

Period.

Yeah, And my mom. She doesn't have a drinking problem, but he is.

Sometimes I know that.

Niggas says, wow, like you must be drunk, right, like, no, this is my mom.

So your mom tells you this, yep, you you believe it?

You are?

You bought in after after you hear this or you like no. This is how I start to know that my mom talks drunk even when she ain't.

And lintally I bought into it, right because I'm like, what is my mind? You know what I'm saying? People, why would she? You know what I'm saying? And I need I got glasses in the seventh grade, so this we're talking ninety seven. So internet is out, but it ain't popping like that.

You know what I'm saying.

We were not going to compute. I'm doing Mavin's beacon. I'm trying to see her he leaned forward and did I'm like, wow, wow he real was no, hey see, so I'm just taking that face back now. Of course, once I get older and I find out that carrots can't help your vision like before it goes bad, like it helps prolonged good vision, but it's not gonna restore your vision, right, So I ain't you know what I'm saying. I feel like I ain't no need to put her on blast. You know what I'm saying, My mom she

I get it that that makes sense.

I get that.

Boy, were you because you've never had glasses?

I believe, no, no, no, god, what nigga, these are my teeth. I never had glasses. No, I didn't think that is a kid that I thought. Here's so you were trying to repair poor vision. Yeah, I thought I could go the other way, not that she would make me see in the dark.

WHOA Like if I went super.

Hard, you could you could change the game.

Yeah.

I felt like if I was super hard on carrots, now a nigga got like an extra sense and that's I quickly so I was quickly. I quickly realized that that's not how that worked.

I feel like you just ain't eat enough. I feel like you should just take a year and commitment. I mean, how important is it to you?

Boy?

That's not that's finally that I thought it was really about that life. It's not that bad, carrots. The problem is I conflated with my fear of the dark. I was very afraid of that. You are looking, we can handle this right now.

You're like, I'll hold this carrot and and seeing no weapon forged against me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had a carrot crucifix just under the covers of the carrot crucifix.

It's funny to me that you wanted to You were scared of the dark, so you wanted to see better in the dad is something they want to avoid it, so you would think you would want to do this more or get under the covers. He was like, nah, I want to see the Boogeyman's Come on, bro, you've seen the darkness. You've seen the darkest. It's everywhere. It ain't going nowhere. And I knew that. It's like it's

It is it is debility. So I was like, maybe these carrots will fix me up, and they let me down.

Man.

The only thing that fixed it was puberty.

Mm hmm. I'm still I'm still not like in love with the dark.

I say good for you for getting over it, because I still be running pretty fast that night. But I gotta throw the trash away. The niggas ain't gonna get me. You bust a couple like, it's not ghosts anymore. I used to It used to be ghosts, you know what I mean. But now it's like weird people in raccoons. Either one of those could could fuck up my night in a way that I don't need, So I'm gonna hurry up.

Yeah, I don't trust raccoons at all.

Yeah, Okay, to hear before we go to break, you were bought in. You now understand that to be more complicated, do you think that this is worth correcting for other people? Do you feel a passion to be like an advocate for for carrots not being the solution we thought they were, or you're like, no, if people want to believe the optometry part of it, they're you blessed them with that.

Well, we've always said said, I am a feeling as well. I want them niggas to go through exactly what I want to do. I want I want to see the hope in their eyes that they think they have a chance to change things. These carrots. I want to see them try, and then I want to see that hope slowly die as they realize they've been fed lized.

My nigga, I didn't I didn't know you could saying you sound beautiful to me.

This is I think it's good for you two to be together.

You have such a beautiful voice.

I love it.

Just you need like three more.

Yeah, how much are you eating a couple of thicks? No no, no, no no. You got a carriage and water. But if you get carriage juice, double it up with the carriage juice.

You gotta sleep with two little carrots over your eyes like this, and then the hours of soak in.

I love it, get it, love it. Yeah, I want I want to waste that money. Yeah, man, this is crazy. This is I feel cold, older than when this started.

You know, warm you up?

You know I don't like it.

You know what will warm you up? And some carrots? Go ahead and take avite out of carret.

Let me let me see you're going to carry it right. So now it's going to warm you up because your body's doing something. And then you have the processes so now that's gonna get the blood moving. It helps the circulation, baby, trust me.

I just want to advocate right now for the visual medium of this podcast, so you can see how nasty these guys are smiling. I need you to see these two men. Oh, this is bad, bad, A lot of lip biting going on, like is licking his carnival teeth. Yeah, no one can ever say I'm a bad one.

After this, we're gonna take a break. We're gonna be back with more to your more and Bory is gonna get turned out while we're going. Uh, we'll be back with my mama told me.

I want you to know this.

If your prayers include me to stop drinking, stop smoking, and stop having fun and stop watching these little bitches spop d ass. If your prayers include any of those things, there not gonna work because of.

Rejecting them all.

And I will be continuing in my scene, we could ask motherfucking waves.

I gets it that the way you want to put we are back.

How did y'all How did y'all get that home video?

About that? How did y'all get Oh, he's a subscriber.

We do our research in this podcast.

I like it. I like it.

You know, hot ones. They asked really good questions. We just play real personal tapes from your family.

You guys really did the research.

It's the one skill we got on you.

I could even find them.

Yeah.

The video ended with him being like, and tell to you. I said, you.

That's something about right. You know what's crazy. It's crazy my dad.

They grew up.

I grew up my dad, even though he lived like frobbly, like ten minutes from me, right, So.

He passed away. He passed away.

What was it?

I didn't find out he passed into Two weeks after the funeral.

I was just walking down the street with my cousin and my stepbrother was like, hey, you love more right, you know what I'm saying. I was like yeah.

He was like, no, your daddy did ship.

Damn fuck.

No, He's like, yeah, man, the funeral was two weeks ago.

It was tight.

Damn.

She was catered. That's that's how I found out.

I thought he was gonna be like, hey, I'm sorry about your dad, but he was like.

And you know, your daddy did.

What she means he had a feel you didn't know.

Yeah, that was we didn't see him at the funeral.

He was there right here, one there, so.

He was like, I ain't see you at the photo booth.

When I see him, I'm telling him, if daddy did.

I see him at the photo booth. But you're not all But.

It's different. It's different, it's different, it's different. It was I call it a homegoing. I don't even like to call it a funeral.

A real positive guy.

Yeah, oh, good guy. I'm rebranding.

To hear.

I did some research on your conspiracy theory that I would love to unpack with you. Feel free to agree with the disagree with it. It is nonsense all the way down. So we already discussed carrots are in fact good for your eyes. To your point, they are not going to fix your problems as much as they are going to maintain sort of like or help to maintain a more quality, ver version of what the fuck you already have.

Or will they take you beyond what you already have?

Yeah, exactly, it's so beautifully put. That's exactly right. It is worth noting, however, that because the reason carrots are pushed so hard and not just using supplements, because essentially what it does is we have this this protein that then basically creates vitamin A in the body. The vitamin A then helps with your eyesight, and it does actually help with your eyesight in the dark bory. So you're not one hundred percent wrong that that's what it's doing.

Vitamin a. He sounds an awful lot like cocaine. M m okay, you know you do it, bump. It's like, you know, you ramp up for a little vega. You see everything more aware, but too much of it blind, deaf and dumb. Maggie did.

But if you said I will be selling vitamin A supplements via my website this is all legal dot com.

They're gonna be a little baggiest And uh.

It's actually a powder you dissolve into your drink.

So One of the things that ended up being very fascinating as it relates to the genetic modification suggestion inside of this is that according to research, carrots are in fact the one of the least genetically modified vegetables if we call them that that exists. That in fact, like unlike corn and soybeans, which we know have GMOs, carrots have actually never been genetically modified. That's what they say. Now, I'm not a believer in the day of everything, but

Boys, I have no feelings about this.

M you don't feel passionately that this is potentially a lie.

I don't know, man, I mean because we eat the root right, so it'd be hard to spray it.

Is that that matter at all?

I don't know.

I don't know how genetic modification works to be.

Yeah, I don't know if they like come in with like you know when you fry a turkey and you got that little gun, that spice gun.

Yeah. The based thing like is that how.

They I don't know how they put GMOs in stuff.

I think it's it's in the way they manufacture the seeds and shit, I don't think they're injecting plant by plant a bunch of GMOs. I don't think it's a Turkey based vibe.

And it's not like an angel orange type of it's not like a fly by spray down either.

They could be that. Maybe it is maybe like right at the like seating period, they spread with a bunch of ship.

And then that's what I'm saying, like carrots seemed hard to get to this thing.

You know what I'm saying, carrotts aren't in enough good recipes for them to really give a fuck about you. I mean, like you gotta knowd you got shepherd's pie. You got like some carrots, reds and some salads and shit like that. And if you're if you're over seventy five, you got the carrots and and raisins at the at the buffet carrots.

That that's a sad but fay that was.

They got.

They don't got carrots.

Parents ain't like potatoes like we know, they does ships potatoes like, so it ain't enough good ship for the to really care about. That's why it's the least genetically modified. If Carris was popping like that, oh please believe they would have found a way to get that money. Wait, I got's true.

I don't buy carrits for nothing.

I don't don't, I don't. I don't buy carrids for nothing.

You're saying this wasn't the work of heroes. This was just them not having It's not financially viable to be a villain.

It doesn't.

It doesn't have any benefit to them to do it.

If they you know what I'm saying, Like, it's not gonna make them way more money, you know what I'm saying, if, if, if anything, I think it would be hilarious for them to genetically modify, to put some protein in it and make it almost like a meat for the vegans who'd be liking to eat real You don't get hot dog niggas become not niggas. Okay, don't we post no video about I grilled to carry you gotta soak it first, and that you don't get hot dogs? You're being don't I.

Feel like you got paid off by a hot dog super package. Hey listen, because that came out of nowhere. List Go look at he was like, what about these hot dogs?

Go look about page Look at the videos I'm a big hot dog.

Fan, Bro, I be a big god Dug fan.

I'm at seven eleven with the hot dogs.

I do funk with. I do I live about eleven?

I do.

I'm not gonna lie to you guys. I've never had a seven eleven hot dog.

Oh. I thought rich ass nigga were so surprised.

I thought we all agreed that that was that's just a mistake that nobody should have to make.

I thought, hey, first of all, first of all, like, I don't be disrespectful my nigget Like, okay, you know what's good. That's the part of the culture you either in that you don't seven eleven a quick trip hot dogs or elite Nah. I will say this, I prefer quick trip that ain't not out here in l A. But if that, if I'm in Atlanto, I'm back in the Midwest, quick trip hot dog? Is my nigga like that? All right?

You don't have baloney before?

Bro?

What's show y'all got me on?

Bro?

It's not that I haven't had it. I didn't care for it. It wasn't for me, and and I knew how to reject.

How is my man supposed to shmeet his meat with this ship, Bro, what's off?

Like?

I don't I don't think when was the last time you paid for a hot dog? List?

Oh?

I love hot dogs? Oh frequently?

Yeah, Yeah, I'm not.

I'm not above a hot dog. You like a Mason's guy, But at the house. No, honestly, you know what makes a great hot dog. It's five guys. They they funk around and make a good hot dog.

And and you about getting I've had a hot dog from five guys before it was his I okay, I mean ain't No, I'm a ball park man myself.

You said I like to go.

Cook them. You know what I'm saying. I take it home and uh, you know what I'm saying, I might wrap some baking around it. You know what I'm saying a little bit. I mean I'm on that. I'm on that demon time.

You don't mind having the doctor, the the You don't mind having to do the work yourself for your hot dogs?

Yes, it's just for me. I ain't gonna do it for the family I got. I love them.

You know better than to give it to people you care about.

Listen, I wait, I wait till I'm starving to fix me something to eat. So if I got to fix food for two more people and by the time it's not I'm dead. I'm dead about me, so you know what I mean?

No, just me.

I'm I've ate danger dogs before, off the off the streets.

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm with Olivia though I'm I'm a Costco hot dogs man. Really, whoa the Costco and the drink for like a dollar thirty five? You can't really beat that?

Damn Yeah, it's Costco hot Dogs. They one hundred percent beef and for some reason, beep just don't be hitting like, oh the chicken cut in? You want like.

You're like this ship that they scooped up off of the floor and just threw in.

People say this all the time. It's a little video floating around right now. I was like, there is hot dogs. They sliced a hot dog and put it on the Let me tell you something, I don't give a fuck you think you think of crackhead, don't know the arms of crack then kill him. This is what's going to do. The no nigga, I don't gonna funk about. What'sn't that hot dog?

Bro?

I'm with you, I don't it's never even I have a there's a spam.

I don't give a ship.

I don't do that.

Come on, that's the meat jelly.

Baby. In Hawaii they put spam with everything Sam Sam is Pope's and Hawaii. That in my house.

That's if I need to get going, I pop a can'.

Just like.

You bop it like a mento. Just just spam.

You hold it the whole topic, just flow the slot.

It off, just down in a spam can and moving about your day.

You live, baby, Come and meat gets a bad rap. Baby, That's what I'm saying. I eat lunching. I'll do the lunch and meat with the little key, you remember the one with the key. You have to like turn it sideways and then turn the key all the way around and that's how you open it. It was like an escape room for spam.

Oh wow, you're about tought. You was talking about sardines. I was like, no, no, no, no, I fuck with sardines though too. But but you don't. That's to you don't give a funk about yourself.

Bro up, there's no.

Reason to keep doing this, big dog, and not all the time.

It's not every day I have a wife. Yeah, you just told you. It's just it's just another it's just a different key. I used to twist it open. Baby. You don't like red lass either. You won't work out it. Let it get a full set in and then get on the tradill.

I appreciate someone who's lived a life.

Yeah, maybe get on that river, baby, get on that river boat.

And uh.

And then I mentioned afterwards, I heard the waters are choppy tonight.

Just sit on the front stoop, eat this hot dog.

So one of the things that I think was especially fascinating in this research was that that although they said that it wasn't genetically modified, they did admit that carrots are what what is the exact words, that carrots have basically been crossbred, that they have done selective breeding to try to make carrots more effectively the carrots that we appreciate today. Specifically, they point to the fact that like the original carrot, which apparently was discovered or planted or

Was like origion, known for its produce.

Yeah, I guess. I look, we've fucked up a lot of places, so I don't know what they used to look like, you know what I mean. Like they probably were gorgeous before white man and Christianity got their hold.

Of it, you know what I mean.

But that said, I think they said that it was much thinner and basically white, that carrots started off as like white roots, and then eventually, through cross breeding and selective breeding, we've landed on this orangish carrot, which is much sweeter than the one that we currently hold. And and I'd be curious to hear y'all thoughts on this. The people that apparently bred the version of carrots that we have were the Dutch back in the sixth sixteenth century.

The Dutch are responded, Man, I fuck it in my heart, I was like, he's gonna say, And then I was like, no, David, you're being racist. I was like, I bet this smells like one of their tricks, because at this point I know what they're up to. It smells like one of their tricks.

The Dutch are not to be trusted to hear. That's that's something that we do. That's what we first strongly about on this podcast.

Good guys and bad guys are like, we both feel that way.

That's an interesting heel to down on, But I mean that promost hate. I'm all about it, baby, brother.

They brother, they gave us the trans Atlantic slave and insurance. Yeah, and and hard shoes and edible paint. That's that's all Dutch contributions.

So did y'all know that they found a way to make baby carrots grow just as baby carrots like you Frenchies or across breathe and like, but they have all the side effects of the breathing and all of that. So they found a way to make like the baby carrots, and that's their that's their like actual size that they grow.

Like they're never going to get into.

I get that's right, though, because every time I get like a bag of baby carrits, it does feel like an abomination.

But here's the thing, though, I'm lying, boy. I just want to show you I still I'm not I feel that way. I just want to show you my man. Yes, I have no research bactice up. Come on over to the dark side, bro. All A lot has happened to me this episode. I don't feel great about it. I feel like I've been tricked by some Charlatans. We're just trying to show you this a couple, a couple of white.

Skinned grifters, as my grandpa would say, what you trying to do in the world.

You see how easy I manipulated you. That's why I'm kind of saw you. Why even try? Brother? This is terrible. We see what we want over here.

You've been sitting at my house for three weeks and you didn't even realize it.

Bro, I gotta pray after this. Man, I'm clean.

There are people who bend and then there are people who do the bending. You mean, why are you both touching your noses at the same time?

You guys were on because the highest ship on this whole episode.

Yeah, I'll throw it out the window.

It feels like some light skinned sorcery right now, your eyes half open doing strange hand the mouth movement.

I don't like it. I don't like that. Mother.

I gotta dry that. I gotta dry that, yo. So the Dutch apparently give us the the carrots that we now understand, and they said that that that the modifications in fact are not necessarily because we got a healthier carrot, right like in researching some of these specifics of like what carrot does what. So there's purple, there is yellow, there is orange, which is what we currently have. There

If they made insurance, right, they were aware that modern medicine was gonna come walk me on the trip right here, right, we all know the pharmaceutical companies. They don't make medicine to get you healthier. They make medicine to treat you. So you stay on it, right, so you become a lifetime customer. So if you become a lifetime customer, they can always come up with something to delete the healthy shit.

Right.

That's why all these other countries. They don't eat the shit that we eat. McDonald's and all of that shit, Skiddle's abandoned, Country Mountain do all of that shit. Well, you go. I was just in Berlin a couple of weeks to go, and I had the freshest orange juice I've ever had in my fucking life apple juice. The next day it tasted like I've bit an apple, and then the contest just turned to liquid in my mouth. I never had juices fresh. All these other places got

I'm trying to taste. I'm trying to taste banana flavor, and it don't taste nothing like a banana. I want it to taste like like fucking nonsense. I'm going to.

America trash over here. Bruh.

Yeah, that feels very real that maybe we are at least getting the worst version of whatever these carrots are. And because America, because whatever the fuck. And I bet you if I went somewhere foreign, I could probably order a purple carrot and that they have them ships on the ready. They're like, yeah, yeah, we got purple purples available.

I've seen I've seen purple carrots before.

Me too.

But you know what is the difference between, like, if you order carrots the likelihood of them being orange versus if you were like, I prefer purple, and they're like, no problem, sir, that is that is available for us.

You try to say that in America, like, yeah, let me get some purple carrots. Let me get the fuck out of it.

Fuck are you talking about?

Who you?

That's what they did at the cheesecake factory when I tried to get some purple carrots.

Verbadeim that conversation.

Last time, I'm coming to this African ass cheesecake.

Yeah.

What What I also read, which I'm curious to hear y'all thoughts on, is that carrots in fact are not necessarily the best food for helping your eyesight. That despite the sort of like media around carrots and shiit spinach and kale, leafy greens and a daily sort of like consumption of leafy greens is said to be better for your eyesight than carrots alone would be.

I've heard that, so it seems like it's all propaganda. Think, yeah, of course, it is a media game. It's all Dutch propaganda. It comes back. I could have smelled that from Jumps to you.

Of course it is.

As soon as you said the Dutch, I was out. I was out on this school shit. I also thought about this conspiracy when you brought it up. I don't think that big glasses or whatever you call them, the the movement of the glasses arm. I don't think they have enough power to sway genetic modifications and food I don't think.

I don't think.

I don't think the glasses industry is united in that way. I feel like there was like Lens Crafters was on top, Warby Parker came in and fucked everybody shut up. It was like Warby Parker was like when the towers fell in the wire. And I think there's no glasses unity in the big money of glasses.

Whoa you think?

I think. I think it's like multiple families scrambling over a kingdom.

You think any lobbying they're doing is not actually gonna influence real elections here.

I think it's too big. If it was like big Pharma, I think they can take down. I think they would change our shit. I don't think Big Glasses got it like that.

Damn.

I truly don't. I truly don't.

Wow.

And I think if they were really gonna push it, they would just get all of us to buy more fake glasses. I've almost done it. I don't think I haven't been been on the website.

Come on, no, I didn't. I'm baby.

Let me show you something, you know how I know that those weren't real.

Let me show you.

Let me show you this real fast, because I peeped them. I peeped them, and I was like, okay, i've seen those before.

You know how I know that those aren't real.

It's because you're stolen. Yeah, yeah, I feel it. Yeah, I thought I want your point is I worried that.

Nobody but you can't find you.

Yeah, I'm starting to get there.

Though I had a picture of me with those glasses, I couldn't find it. That's like in July, I was at a Dakory bar, but they were fake as hell and you couldn't tell. Nobody could tell. So don't go to Daktory bars.

Yeah, no, that's that's good advice. I think don't don't overdose on vitamin a and don't go to Daktory bars both both good pieces of advice.

From there, they have more than three flavors of dakery. It's gonna get shot up by midnight.

One of the things that I also sort of figured out along with this is that there does seem to be this effort towards like promoting yellow or orange carrots as a better thing for us. Maybe because it's cheaper, maybe because you know whatever, I don't know what the fucking reason is. They say the orange carrots are sweeter than other carrots, and that's part of the reason we became so attracted to them, but who the fuck knows.

Yeah. I started that. Myth is working.

Put them together, put them together.

Swimmingly, I might. You know.

What you don't know is that I took two hundred and fifty thousand dollars of my own money in the carrot industry, and now I'm just sit back.

And reaping the benefits.

Thisga just hold out there to the bags of carrots.

He lit, went up like it was a cigars.

Now you have me wherever the I want.

It's all the golfing, according to play.

He just holds up some sign that says that's all, folks, all this nigga, this is r evil. I just want to be a bad guy. I don't want to be fair evil. I want to be.

Bad guys make the news. Two villains make history books. Baby nah, I don't want to be a legend.

Just give me, Just give me my time in the league.

You know what I mean.

You wasn't committed, but you admitted to this treachery. Brother.

It takes too much to be Lebron James.

I'm trying to be.

I'm trying to be Chris Humphries out there.

You know what I mean?

Remember me for some bullshit, I didn't do.

Okay, right.

The The final piece of of I guess research that I'll throw your way is I started to look up because I wanted to see how this all affects us as a people, right, And I wanted to look up specifically if eyesight is improving O time, if human eyesight is improving, and unfortunately, bad news everybody, it is not. In fact, there has been a pretty substantial downshift in

Correctness self.

Right, That's sort of what they point to is that like screens and indoor time and shit, is the main reason why our eyes are getting shittier. In fact, they said ninety percent of Taiwan needs corrective lenses. Why Taiwan is getting fucked up like that? But but ninety percent of the entire nation of Taiwan. Am I allowed to call them a nation? Are we gonna get in trouble from some weird side chooser as person?

Remember ten minutes ago when boy was like, I don't think the eyeglass company has the power to do that. They taken over a whole country you don't think they got the power. Boy, I mean, what's the GDP over there? You know what I'm saying, what's the GDP over there? Call me when you get Spain. You know.

Everybody nobody worried about that ship.

You know, a whole South Pacific as far as I'm concerned, Get up over there, Get up over to North America. Then we start talking. Fontana can't see that I'm worried about the power of that lie.

If there was a campaign to free your nation, then no, we ain't really got no influence.

I've sent some school exspect there. I don't really worried about it. You don't. You don't see that. You don't see the benefit of hand to hands. You one of those people that just want to go straight to dropping bricks off.

You know what I'm saying.

You don't get to the bricks and the suitcases full of bricks without doing hand to hands. I'm a good guy.

I don't want to get to I want to get the suitcases for me and my family to go to BALI I'm not I'm not playing your evil light skin. Getting got a crawl before you walk me out. Get me problem. You want any of this today. I gotta be the force for good on this podcast. That's where we've come to.

Today's Taiwan tomorrow is London, you know what I mean?

Because that's not the trajectory of that.

That's how it's a weird flight. But that's how the flight goes.

Got to use the third brother, it's to use.

A third eye.

Brother.

It seems like it wouldn't be a direct flight, but it's a direct flight.

I know that.

Now they got they got one airline that'll do that. That'll all right, well to hear, I think we did it. It seems as if we're all in agreement that that uh, it probably is not in fact this monstrous optometry industry that is controlling our carrots, but maybe some weird ship is happening with our relationship with carrots in general.

Mmm.

Hell yeah, listen, man, don't listen. The more we talked about it, the more I was like, hey, this really could be happening, though, bur Out just it was like, man, because how crazy would it be? Like nobody would suspect carrots as a black market operation where they already planned this shit ten to teen years ago.

Nobody was fau Carrits.

Right, it's crazy because your brainstorming right now.

And that is a problem with listening to us. I think in general is we we do by the end of it be believing some of the ship that we're saying.

It happens a lot.

That's a problem. That's not good. I don't think that's healthy for our listeners or you. You are a better man before you got here. But to hear could you tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?

Absolutely? Man, you can find any and everything about me at carrots dot com. Thats just to hear more on all platforms A H I R M O O R E on all platforms. And if you want to catch tickets when I throw them up, I'll put them on my website. To hear more dot com? Yeah, man, a lot of a lot of content out there. Just check it out.

Hell yeah, Bory what you got a cool?

Good jokes? Etiseeven dot com? No, that's all right, COO got jokes EATI seven on Instagram. I'm home for December, but in January I got dates from Cleveland and Seattle. Those who come up quick, I'm selling out the rest of the merch. I had leftover from tour. I got like a box left, So go to bring David to Plate dot com and scoop some of that. Get your hat some shit like that. It's Christmas. You know your your side piece deserves it, your main piece deserves it.

And speaking of merch we have, my mama told me merch that is now going to be available. It is a holiday season turn off that goddamn Mariah Carey. And and focus on buying some. My mama told me hats and pens and T shirts. Whatever the fuck you're into, you sick, goddamn weirdo. We don't that's not our business.

We don't want to hear about what you like.

Yeah, just buy it. Why are we having a conversation about this?

I want to talk to you.

If you want any merch, you can pre order everything at my mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com. That's my mama told me Dot merch central dot com. It's pre order right now, December tenth. That shit's going to your motherfucking house. Buy your merch stop playing with me, and as always you can you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all platforms. I'd be up sometimes.

Uh.

And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us which GMO vegetable is in fact giving us superpower, send it all to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you, like subscribe, do whatever that bullshit is?

All right?

We done?

Bye, bitch, think the bigger, the booty, the finer the and now we can convince her.

She walks switching that big old booty and all that it ain't nothing but do do in there.

The government, brown babies, my grub chips and your nailies. All Koala bears are racist. The hostal layer host the money where she's invented turkey stuff, y'all can't tell me.

The governor