I had a very severe problem with alcohol, and then when I saw that in them, when I was desperate to help one of my children, it ruptured our relationship because I was butting in, interfering, you know, and insisting, and I went so far as to do I guess the unthinkable, you know, I went to the authorities.
What was that experience? Like fuse?
It was devastating, you know, it just it just ruptured our relationship.
In this special Father's Day episode of My Legacy, host Martin Luther King the Third Aren'trea Waters, King, Mark Kilberger, and Craig Kilberger are sharing some of the best lessons from their favorite dads. Shark Tank Mogul Damon John on the one question to ask your kids every night. CNN's doctor Sanja Gupta on raising teens in a digital world.
Martin Luther King the Third takes us inside the King home, sharing lessons doctor King modeled as a dad, and the best advice comedian and Any Winner Larry Wilmore gave his kids first up. Beloved actor Martin Sheen on how to show up even when it hurts.
So, Martin, you've raised four children, what do you hope your children and grandchildren remember most about you.
You know, you have children as well, and you know you can't love one more than the other, but you love them all differently and because of their needs and you. My greatest hope is that they will love each other when we're gone, when Jane and I are gone their mother, you know, Jana, and for that, you know, we have grandchildren and great grandchildren now. But I see the love, I see the commitment they have to, you know, a moral frame of reference. None of them are Catholic, because
I didn't raise my kids Catholic, you know. But I see a sense of their humanity and their best of all, well, a reflection of who they are is in their sense of humor, and in their sense of humor with me, you know, they they take great pleasure, you know, to get under my skin, you know, with my ego, with like you know, I can imagine pouring the water in your dad's ear and then fleeing. Well, they poured a lot of stuff in my ear too, And I wasn't as non violent as your dad. But you know they
rub you the wrong way. But your children, they are the very they are reflection of the very best and the very worst part of us. I remember somebody was once, some famous person was asked what they would like to be remembered for, and he said for about five minutes. And I think that's okay. And you know the old phrase heat that has offspring giveth hostages to the future. You know, we do we it's it's an active faith, it's an act of hope.
What would you say, is the most difficult time that you've had as a parent?
Uh, dealing with my own addiction. I'm being vulnerable and they seeing me vulnerable and my image crumbled. And then when I saw that in them?
And what was that addiction to you?
For those who don't know you as well?
And how did you over my addiction?
Yes?
Alcohol, Yeah, I had a very severe problem with alcohol.
And how did you overcome that?
I overcome a visis I think I mentioned about. I came back to the Catholic faith and I realized gradually, and you know that that that that this was a source of nourishment and grace that I could use to let it go and I and I did. And then a friend of mine who was in the AA the twelve step program, when I was desperate to help one of my children who had a severe problem. He said, you should, you should get in the program. I said,
when I'm sober. He said, doesn't matter. You've got to learn the skills.
And how did you use that to help your child?
I wasn't able to because he had no formal teaching in the faith or any faith, you know, but he had a very generous and a very vulnerable spirit. So I knew that he would not refuse me. But I had to take that step.
Assuming this is Charlie, Yeah, and what was that experience like bonding as well?
It didn't start out as bonding. It ruptured our relationship because I was budding in interfering, you know, in insisting that he acted a certain way. But I think my persistence had a lot to do with it. I didn't lay him off the hook, and I went so far as to do I guess the unthinkable, you know. I went to the authorities and said, uh, you know, I know this guy and he's he's uh, he's abusing his uh his uh probation.
What was that experience like few?
It was devastating because he he you know, it just it just ruptured our relationship.
And where's your relationship now?
It's like I don't know anyone like him. You know. I go to mass you know, every every weekend, and so he will call and say something about, well, we got to get I said, well, I have to get to the Oh you're still into that. Oh well, lots of luck with that, you know. But he when he clowns about it. And yet I know that what he's really doing is he he wants to see it in action. He wants to see it in me. I'm the only one that he's going to find that in, you know,
on a regular basis. And the fact that I've kept it up for the last forty years means something to him. So I know what he's doing. You know, he wants me to prove it. In some sense, you can't prove your faith, but you live it.
What do you love most about him?
His vulnerability. He was so vulnerable, and he was so he was so aware of people's needs. You know, I never saw him unkind to a person need, whether it was a fan or somebody on the set or a homeless person. His compassion, he was an inspiration. He just I would just stand back and say, Jesus, my son, look how extraordinary he is. I'm eighty four years old now, and I'm often asked you I think about death, and I respond, of course, I think about it every day.
I think I've got a shorter future than I have a longer passed. I get less frightened of it, although I'm not looking forward to it, but I have to include it in every breath, because you know, these days we live in very, very vicarious and peculiar times. To say the least. I love Richard ROR's comment he said that we don't go to heaven, we become heaven. My greatest fear is a sudden and unprovided departure, you know.
So that I didn't get a chance to tell someone that I loved, how much I loved, how grateful I was, and to those that I refused to love that I'm sorry that I didn't and it was my loss. And will you forgive me. I hope that I have time to do that.
Since we're talking about your father and nonviolence, I wondered if you could share, since I've never got to ask you this anything about what you learned from him personally about nonviolence? How do we teach nonviolence and live nonviolence? And it seems to me sometimes your dad had it in his DNA to be gentle. For me, it's kind of a struggle, and I gave it. A National Convention on nonviolence a couple of years ago. I brought Jim Lawson in and I said, I want you to talk
about doctor King's nonviolence. And he goes, John doesn't know nonviolence. If Martin were here, he'd say, nonviolence is power. We're not powerless. We have the power through nonviolence to change the world through love and truth. I'm thinking of that time you were marching with your father and you held his hand I read in a book and you felt the peace that he knew. Can you tell me what you learned from your dad about nonviolence?
Well, I think first of all, what was learned was this has to be a way of life, a commitment. You can't practice it one day. Except for that time where he became angry with us because we poured water in his ears, his children, and so he was That's the only time I really ever saw him angry. He didn't get he didn't quite whip us, but he was on the way.
What you have to I never heard that tell us.
You have to tell us that, because you're saying you never saw him no otherwise.
I never remember seeing him angry. I always saw him he was always very measured and disciplined. And I think that's what in a relationship to nonviolence. It has to be a discipline because we are human beings. We're going to be upset, be angry. And as I said, now, he was asleep and he was exhausted. And because our experience, you were well, yeah, I guess that the way. We didn't see it that way at the time, but our experience was whenever Dad came home, his entire attention was
devoted to were fulfilling us as his children. So it was like I got to play with them. And this is looking back thinking about it, because I'm gone all the time and I don't have a large quantity of time, but the quality of time I want to use to fulfill my kids. So we wanted to play and he was asleep. So somebody, it wasn't me, but somebody with a smart idea, let's pour water in Dad's ear. And then that was not a good experience.
It was.
It was frightening because of course we did that and ran and he ran after us. He didn't whip us, he didn't catch us.
That day.
I qualified that day.
But the rest of the time he was no he was he was always measured and always the same kind of love that he provided for us as a father, although it was a father.
Son for the daughter relationship, he provided to everything.
That's the one time in your eleven years you saw him get even like upset. He was gentle non violence. Yes, he was practicing what he preached right, and I think that's what the movement needs today. We all have to reach doctor King's level of non violence.
I think yes, ideally, but I also think there's a practical and real side of human beings and it doesn't mean we can't get there. We have to always aspire. Just like you know we talk about a perfect union, Well, we're never going to be perfect, but we can always aspire to that.
Up next, Foolboo founder Shark Tank mogul Damon John shares the question he asks his daughter every night and why failure is a lesson not a loss, and doctor Sanje Gupta share smart, real life tips for parenting in a digital world.
Now back to my legacy, Damn.
So many people shared with us how excited they were the opportunity to hear from you partially because you've inspired so many people who want to follow in your footsteps. Now, one thing I don't know if you want to always realizes, was your journey wasn't linear, It wasn't always easy. And one thing I love how you've been relating to people by being very open about how when you were younger you hadeslexia. School was not an easy pathway. It was
a bit of an unconventional journey in high school. Can you take us back to that so that people see today this billion dollar success, but they don't always understand the origin story.
I mean, the origin is, you know, I think it's an American dream.
I think that it is.
You know, I was less fortunate than many and I was way more fortunate than most of the people on the planet. I had a house, and I had clean drinking water, right so, and I had access to food and electricity. But you know, we only know what we come from. It came from, you know, a place that was riddle like most of the you know, American communities riddle with crack, and most of my friends became drug dealers.
Side.
That's not a path that I wanted, but I was dyslexic. Eight of the twelve Sharks are actually dyslexic child.
I almost wanted people to share that on social media for the family.
That's why it. Branson is dyslexic, Barber's alexic, Kevin's a lexic, I believe Rohans aslexic, and there and because of dyslexic, I've got the other three. So you know. So I didn't do well in school, like I left back in the seventh grade. I didn't go to college, but I
applied myself and started working. But I did realize I was hanging out as well because I grew up in Hollis, Queens and almost majority of at that time, a lot of the famous rappers came from their local Jay Salt and Pepper's Trip, Coal Quest and all that I was on. I was on these big tours since I was fourteen years old. I became too cool for school. But then I turned around. I was laughing at the kids who were going to college in school. I laughed at all
the band geeks as they call it, and the nerds. Well, those band geeks became people like doctors and Timblin right in Pharrell, and the nerds became Zuckerberg and Baso. I remember I was working at Red Lobster right around twenty one years old. All those kids I was laughing at, not that I knew Zuckerbergery of those people. And I'm just using an example. I remember all those kids that I laughed at that were going to college investing in
their future. Well they were coming back now and I was in Red Lobster serving them shrimp, and I was like, well, I'm the idiot. And I started to double down and try to get any form of education I could. I would and being dyslexic challenge, but I would read a book a week, I would find mentors, I would go and apply and do a lot of different things. I was reading the sales sheets at Red Lobster finding out
how this large corporation was making money. Well, they needed help back a year ago, but they were making money back then. And then I started to invest in things I love to do, which was this fashion and I used what I call the power broke. I realized that you know the sixty five percent a lot of winners and athletes that broke three years after leaving the league because they don't know how to use the tool of money. And another sixty or seventy percent of Forbes wealthy. This
one thousand people are self made men and women. That's like the men and women in this room and listening to this podcast. So obviously, money is just a tool. And I started to use what was around me as normal angres. Well, I knew rappers, why don't you wear that? You know, while I knew this, why don't you do that? And it slowly grew. I had a lot of challenges. I started food within eighty nine. I closed it three times from eighty nine to ninety two because I ran
out of money. I found my beautiful three partners who believed in me. After that, now there were ten people who believed in me, most of them didn't stay around. Was those three that believed in me. And then by nineteen ninety nineteen ninety eight, I was doing three hundred and fifty million dollars a year. Now, that's a long story. I started in eighty nine. In nineteen ninety eight, I started to make I started get public recognition after failing
three times. But you know, that's the American dream. That's why when we look at you know, people like me and all of us on Shark Tank, we all went through that process.
Have you failed since then? I failed?
I try to fail every day when I talk to my daughter all night when we go to bed, When she goes to bed, she's eight years old, I tell her how daddy failed that day and how Daddy succeeded. And I asked her how will she fail? And how did she fail that day? They maybe I planned on doing this and I didn't get to this, and I was late for a meeting. And you should never be late because when you're late, you make the other person feel like they're not of value, and whatever the case is.
So she gets used to understanding that failure is a part of the process and that it comes along with successes.
Santra, your work has touched countless people. Millions are inspired by your message. But I've heard you say when we had dinner that at the heart of all you do, the heart of your purpose, is your three daughters. So how is being a dad affected how you think of purpose and legacy?
Not only a dad, but a girl dad, teenage girl dad.
It doesn't make him reach out to boys a little bit like, hey guys.
No, it's a it's a it's a it's a great question. And then again, I'll just say this is what's so nice about these conversations, because I think life moves so fast you don't often reflect on on that sort of thing. It's just my life. I'm a teenage girl dad, and so the idea of how it changed me, I don't know. I don't know what to compare it to. I don't know what I would have been like had I not done this, but I will. I will say this. It
feels very natural. I feel like there's there's times when I've said to Rebecca, I feel like I manifested my destiny in a way that this was how it was supposed to unfold. So that's a good feeling, as opposed to feeling out of sorts or like something doesn't work or belong. I'll be honest. I think a lot of people think about their legacy, and I think that's important to the extent that it drives them to do good things in the world. But to think about yourself in
retrospect generations down the line, who knows. We live in a really flimsy world, and people's attitudes and beliefs, soystems and all these things change. So all that to say we don't think about legacy in a conventional sense that way, except when it comes to our girls, they are the legacy. That's it.
What do you love most being a girl?
Dad?
What?
What?
What gets you up in the morning?
Having that wonderful title.
They they challenge me in a in a tell.
Us, tell us, tell us what you know? I think.
I think when you're understand this.
When you're a neuroscientist, I think part of what drives you is that you're you're consistently trying to find logic in the world, and there are things that are just they defy logic, and you have to get comfortable with that. You know, you have to get comfortable with the uncertainty. So you know, the idea of walking down in the kitchen in the morning and never really knowing for sure
it's it's it's it's wonderful if you lean into it. Yes, you know, if it scares you, then you know you got to readjust but you get.
A Mark got two daughters asking very personally, and we've got one amazing daughter here among the King family as well.
Sonjay. On your podcast Chasing Life, you've explored the effects of social media on kids, even going as far as interviewing your daughters, who you call the real experts. How do you and Rebecca help them navigate a healthy balance between social media and real world connections.
I will tell you one thing that I found interesting, though, is that they did this camp over the summer where there was no phones allowed, and it was a couple of weeks.
Right, Yeah, They always did that every summer, and.
They come back super happy, super happy from this. And I made the observation that, hey, you know this thing that you are using all the time, you didn't use it at all, and you're super happy. And my youngest, who's I think a very wise child, she said to me, she said, you know, it's called social media. And I said, I get it. She goes, I was totally social. I had all these people in my own age. I was with them all the time. I was interacting in a
social wad. That's what I'm really trying to do. But in the United States, many households have become more siloed off, and so having that type of village social interaction, all the kids playing together in the in the street, you know, or in the playground whatever, you know, that you don't see that as much. So this is is it is
filled a gap for them. It's there's problems, you know, and I think you know, the devices are designed to be addictive in a way, but it does at the same time serve a purpose that I think is very human evolutionarily, Like they want to be together. If they can't be together physically, then they want to be together virtually digitally, and.
That feels different to them, I think than to us. I mean, since they were raised with it, and you know, we're just like you all, like we're trying to balance between the two because just taking it away, it's not they won't be prepared. They're not prepared for digital world, and they are using it also sometimes in a way that is connection. And I do think for for us, connection is all physical. But perhaps since our kids are
being you know, they're nurtured in the digital world. You know, part of their connection is social, like you know, like digitally.
And you'll notice a big difference when they start driving, because then they can go and be social where that is such a huge difference in our society too, Like it's when it becomes the parent's responsibility to get them here and get them there, they spend less time. It's we're controlling it too much, and so they spend less time, like I said, having those study groups or doing those things.
And when they do have that autonomy to like go out meet a front for coffee and go over you know, history or something, they start doing it, and the and the phone and the social media becomes less and less and less.
I'm smiling at my husband across the table. We're seeing that already.
Literally suddenly you're like, wow, well, I mean, because we have all this technology, then tells us how much time our kids are off social media. And we look at our daughter who's in college and now she's living with her so rority sisters, that kind of stuff, and she's rarely ever on it, and she used to be our biggest person on it. So it's a social thing.
I'll tell you three quick things that she came up with. Rebecca came up with as far as if people are thinking about social media for their kids. One is that we made an agreement that we actually could have access to their accounts, so kind of the ability to lurk. Now, we didn't really do it much, but they knew that we could. Number two was and every now and then we would peek in to see what was going on. Number two was that no friends online that you couldn't
touch in the real world. I want to be able to touch that person physically or is this somebody who's totally made up?
Right?
And the third thing, which Rebecca mentioned is that your technology allows you to monitor screen time, so you can get indicators that there's too much screen time being used on Snapchat or Instagram. And it can even cut off after a certain amount of time. So you know those three things. Again, it's a brave new world for everybody when it comes to this, but I think they've worked well for our three teenage girls.
Yeah, we did have a cut off at a certain time at night and turn back on at a certain time in the morning. Yeah, because sleep is really important exactly, and it is hard when they're up studying or need to get the you know, lost that paper or something that they want to reach out. I think technology and social media is not going to go away. It's learning how to make it work for you and thinking about what is the main reason that it is in their lives, and then how do you work around that.
Know, someone who's searching for a little inspiration or joy right now, send us their way and hit that subscribe or follow buttons so we can continue to bring you these heartfelt conversations and unforgettable lessons. More from this Best of My Legacy episode right after the break.
Now back to My Legacy now, Larry, who our origin story is so important to all of us and who raised us had a phenomenal impact, good, bad, or indifferent. Now, you grew up the middle child of six kids in California, but your family has roots in the Midwest. Yes, and so I'm really curious. I'm sure our listeners are who would you consider the most influential person of your childhood?
Of course, you know, my parents very influential in different ways. You know, my parents got divorced when I was young, but I was able to get different things from both parents, sometimes in different ways.
You know.
My mom went through a lot, you know, she really dealt with a lot of emotional issues, but there was a strength about her and a resilience about her that I really admired, you know, even going through it. And my dad was a person who it seemed like he just kept his own ideas about himself when he was out in the world, like the world didn't affect him, and he was a civil servant.
He worked.
He was a probation officer at a time, and it wasn't easy for black people who you know, working those kinds of jobs. But he always had a sense of humor about it, and I always admired the way he treated people. I also grew up at a time when your neighborhood kind of raised you. Our next door neighbors were very important to raising us. We called them Bebie
and Uncle Henry were their names. There were an older couple from Texas had all that homespun old school like knowledge and everything like she made peach jam and candid.
You know.
It was that type of growing up, and we all had fruit trees in our backyards. But the last part of it was I was so lucky. I had influential teachers who at certain points in my life were just there at the right time. And there was a thread through some of my most important teachers. They always appreciated individuality, uniqueness, it's okay to be different, you know. And one of the biggest ones of that, I'll say briefly, was my seventh grade teacher. He and his wife are from Peru.
I went to Catholic school. They were the late teachers there, and he saw that I was like making jokes and stuff like during school, me and my friends, and he came to me and said, he said, Okay, Larry, here's the thing. I'm gonna make a deal with you. After lunch, there's like fifteen minutes when I'm trying to get everybody's attention and all that stuff. You can have that as joke time, okay, and you could get up and do whatever you went in front of the class. And I
was like, Okay, that sounds fantastic. He says, but in return, I don't want to hear a peep out of you for the rest of the day.
And I'm like, you're done.
That's the fantastic deal.
Are you kidding me?
And he was so influential In fact, I remember he gave us a math question that he said, nobody can figure this out. If you do, I'll make I'll cook you a steak dinner. Of course, my brain wentn't stop. I figured it out, and sure enough he and his wife invited me into their home cooked me and steak dinner. I'll never forget that teacher was so influential in how he dealt with students and inspired us he used to play the guitar every day in class. It's just great,
mister and missus Rebello. Yeah, they were awesome, just the best teachers ever. So teachers, family, you know, and neighbors and neighbors.
And now, Lauren, how did you see the values your dad grew up with influence the way that he parented you and your brother?
You know, it's so interesting When he was saying teachers and family, I was like, that is such a theme in my life so many people. First of all, many people in my family are teachers on both sides. And I'm an actor, but my day job is teaching Mandarin to kids. And I also have so many teachers that have influenced me. Yeah, beside Bard.
And a quick dad, like she also teaches French. That's just a quick dad.
But I have so many teachers that have influenced me as well. And part of what inspired me to become a teacher was knowing how much your life can change from one good teacher who sees you and values you
and helps nudge you along your path. And also the importance of family, especially since twenty twenty, like we've all just been really clinging on to our family the past five years, and we've lost a lot of family members, but it has really brought all of us closer and we've just really been finding as many ways as possible to just like support each other and all of that throughout this time. So, yeah, those two You happen to mention those two values, and I think those are big themes in my life.
That apple didn't fall far from the tree.
So, Lauren, your dad's known for certainly sharp humor and ability to challenge perspectives through comedy. He certainly is a big deal in Hollywood. What what's something you and your brother maybe tease him about that reminds you that he's just dad.
You know.
It's so funny because I was thinking about this and I was like, what don't we tease him about? But also what doesn't he tease us about? You know that, Like it's a lot of mutual teasing in our household. There's just always this back and forth of silliness and goofiness. And I think one thing that and feel free if you think of anything dad. But a lot of times if he does a joke that I feel like goes a little too far, I'll give him two thumbs and He's always like, whoa, oh, no, two thumbs down. I
feel he'd probably use it anyway. But that's a fun little thing that I do. But I don't know, can you think of anything?
Lauren?
Is great because I can see how far I'm being provocative thumb thumbs up or thumbs downs. You know, when I get two thumbs down, I'm like, oh, I'm touching a nerve here.
So, Lauren, you know you've watched your dad navigate Hollywood and said he taught you a lot about resilience. What is one of the most important pieces of vice that he's given you in terms of.
Navigating I think this just for life, not even just for you know, being in the in show business. But he always said to John and I, you don't have to be the best, you have to be your best.
And that stuck with me because I am a recovering perfectionist, and you know, like just knowing that it wasn't and that kind of takes off the energy of competition as well of having to beat other people out for something, but just focusing on living up to your potential and shining your light as opposed to trying to dim someone else's so that you can get to the top. I mean that applies to just everything ever in life, but
certainly in show business. And I've really come to understand that more the past couple of years that I've been here in New York and finding my community here and my friends, and we're all just constantly lifting each other up because that's the only way to you know, that's the only way to live. You can't be always trying to push other people down. And so I really appreciated that, and that I always knew that from both of my parents. It wasn't about getting a certain grade or a certain thing.
It was just well, did you work hard, did you try your best? Okay, well, there you go. That's it.
Thanks for joining us for this best of episode of My Legacy. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode.