Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode.
Read you your stories. You should go first, Okay, I will.
Okay, great this one.
I'm not going to tell you the subject line. But it's serious. Okay, but it's good. Okay, Hey girl. Hey starts Chicago, twenty sixteen. I had just left an abusive relationship, moved into a new apartment, and I had no idea this was one of the most crime ridden neighborhoods of Chicago. I was in nursing school, exhausted, just trying to survive.
After class downtown, I made the incredibly smart decision to buy a giant, heavy over the toilet storage unit from Target and carry onto the packed rush hour train for an hour long commute back home. Yeahdiot, that just sucks.
Like I need this really bad. I have no storage in this apartment. There's nowhere near me that sells this. No one's gonna do it for me.
I'm not a car I'm in Chicago.
Just got to get it done.
We hear you, Yea. The entire time people kept asking me if I needed help. I had my headphones in listening to MFM, and I was like, nope, I got it. Leave me alone. Finally I get off at my stop. Train's mostly empty. Now I'm hauling this massive box down the stairs when a guy like the hundredth guy asks if I need help. I say no, I live right here and gesture toward my apartment building and he goes, oh, I live there too. Cool. Great. Fine. He comes back and says, my mom would kill me if I didn't
help you, and just takes the box. I'm exhausted. He seems charming enough, and honestly I wanted to help, so I let him. We get into the courtyard. He points to his entrance on the left, asks which one is mine. I point to the door on the right, across the courtyard from his. We walk over. For context, Chicago buildings have that double door set up outside door, then small vestibule than an inside door to keep the cold out.
I'm unlocking the first door when suddenly he shoves me inside door, slams my keys with my pepper spray and my stabby thing are still in the lock outside. He pins me against the wall and puts a gun under my chin. Oh no, give me all your cash, and here's where I'd like to thank you both, because instead of panicking I just started laughing. No, not in a this is funny way, but in it. I know better than to fight this way. I told him, I'm a
broke nursing student. I literally have nothing. I opened my fanny pack, empty wallet, train card, debit card ID, that's it. He takes my train card, rip to one hundred dollars I just loaded onto it, rips off my necklace forever twenty one, but he didn't need to know that, and then tells me to take off my ring, my grandma's pearl ring that hadn't come off my finger in five years.
I'm struggling to get it off, and he puts the gun against my hand and says, if you don't take it off, I'll get it off, like he was going to all caps shoot my hand and take my finger. So, yeah, I got the ring off, skin, dignity, everything included. He leaves. I collapse on the floor, crying, shaking fully in shock, and then I hear laughter, soft at first, then clear, and I genuinely thought, okay, cool, I've lost my mind. But no, it was you two. Oh god, she's still
playing in my headphones. No, just chatting, laughing about something, completely unaware that you were actively in my ear during one of the scariest moments of my life, and weirdly it grounded me because I did exactly what you always say. I stayed calm, I didn't escalate, and I stayed sexy and didn't get murdered. Also, for the record, I got mugged three more times in the next four months at that apartment, so four muggings total. So I broke my
lease and got the hell out of it. Jesus. I don't live in Chicago anymore, but I still love that city in a deeply unwell, possibly Stockholm syndrome way. And now I'm about to graduate as a forensic nurse wow, with plans to become a pediatric saying sexual assault, to collect evidence examiner, and eventually work with a DA's office to help push legislation to classify violence against women as a hate crime.
Nice, amazing, so good.
So truly thank you for the laughs, the awareness, and for literally being in my ear when I needed you most stay sexy and listen to your gut. And also to Karen and Georgia.
Love Hannah, God, Hanna, I'm sorry that happened to you.
That's like one of the most intense ones we've ever gotten. I know, well we've gotten I mean, yeah, but like firsthand.
Yeah, you're right, you're right. But also I think that thing of like, it's not Stockholm syndrome. Chicago is an amazing city and there's many many things happening there. It's like that's that.
Could happen literally anywhere.
But I am and does and does and wow.
But staying calm in that moment, like what what a heroic thing to do?
Right?
Not everyone would do that.
It's a tough thing. I also was so afraid you were going to say when the laughter came through that it was like a prank. Oh or in just like good lord, Okay, this one got pulled because it's new, like we just got it in the last couple of days.
But it's relevant. The subject line is my brush with FLDS, and so it says, hello, Karen and Georgia, your talk with trust me made me remember my brush with the FLDS, which, if you don't know, is the fundamentalist arm of the LDS, the Church of the Latter the Church of the Latter day Saints we call them Mormonists, but the Fundamentalist group is an offshoot I was working as a park ranger in Grand Canyon, and once a year the FLDS would come from Colorado City with a bunch of their youth
and do a giant rim to rim hike. This is where you doesn't say hike, but we're assuming. Yeah, this is where you walk from one side of the canyon to the other. It's about twenty four miles and extremely grueling. Have you ever done anything at the Grand Canyon?
We went camping when I was a kid there. My brother went down. I was like a fucking eleven year old and like didn't come back till the middle of the night.
Oh no.
I wrote about it in the book, was say out of the forest. That's the way I read it.
Was he by himself? Yeah, as sure.
It was such a fucking I was. I'm sure he was dead.
He was so punk rock, even in the Grand Canyon. Okay. As they did the trip, they would break countless park rules. First rule, you have to be holding a permit if you're going to do a hike. Over twelve people in the canyon. This group knew this. They would break into smaller groups of about six to seven kids, with one fourteen year old at the helm, and then a bunch of children, probably between the ages from eight to fourteen.
The young teens would always say that they were eighteen, knowing very well that they should have an adult with them they were not eighteen. They would also claim that they weren't with other groups that were walking through the can at the exact same time, just five or ten minutes ahead. This is a pretty bad lie because they all dress very similarly. The girls would be in standard FLDS dresses, boys would be in jeans and slacks and
a button up shirt, not hiking attire. The adults would be on horses, which are not allowed at the bottom of the canyon as they were typically very aggressive and would startle the mules that bring necessary food and supplies down to the rangers in the canyon. There's usually only two adults for fifty kids. My favorite part is every time they would do this, there would always be a ranger up top at the rim just waiting to write the entire group some fines. This really didn't stop the group,
as they tend to do this every single year. I'm not gonna lie though. I always thought the young girls who were doing the hike were pretty badass. They would be in really heavy dresses, covered neck to toe, and they would do an entire rim to rim. This is a hike. I would constantly see fully grown, fit adult males cry on and beg to be helicoptered out.
Holy shit.
I would regularly tell the girls they're really strong for doing this. I secretly wish they had the same strength to live the life they want when they're older, whatever that may be. One more story I want to tell you is completely unrelated, but my coworker was raised in the Mooney's cult. He doesn't talk about this and just says he was raised in a Christian group that would be considered a cult by some. I immediately said, like, what the Moonies, and his face turned pale white. He
asked me how the heck I knew about them? Apparently, knowing about the Moonies is not common knowledge, untrue, and that was the first person he'd ever encountered who outwrite guests day.
I think it's murderinos who know about that?
Thanks Karen and Georgia. Yes, but you know what it is. I think it's gen X and above and older because the Moonies were like on the seven o'clock news.
When I was growing it's all about them.
Yeah, sure they were. I think they were always being kind of seated as like there's this problem cult like waiting with what they're doing now. And then it says, you guys are the best, thanks for all you do, but you know that already. Much love kkkk a kk ok. That's a very interesting perspective of like and this was just basically thrown in because Trust Me the False Prophet is now streaming on Netflix, which our Lola from Trust
Me the podcast here on earm. Her mother is one of the subjects of that documentary and apparently it's incredible watched it.
This is called Panic with Purpose, Divine Intervention story. Hi. I've been along for the ride since the beginning, and I'm so proud of you celebrating ten years. It's amazing what you have used your voices for. Your authenticity has truly started an evolution for good within the podcasting world through storytelling and advocacy. That's nice. I hope you're proud of yourselves for what you've created. They meant that in a nice way. I hope you're proud of yourself.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
Back in twenty ten, I was living in a shitty house in a rowdy college neighborhood. Almost every night of the week, one of the houses on our cul de sac was throwing a rager with kegs, beer pong, DJs, fog machine like any classy shin dig. I've never been to a frat party, have you? Oh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah?
Have I never been to a frat Well, I guess that makes sense. I mean I can go to college.
I think if my sister and I weren't like friends the way that we were, and I also had a bunch of cousins that we all went to SOAC State together. Okay, so it was like we went to I remember going to a gigantic frat party in Davis and my cousin Johnny was there. I went with my sister. There were cousins in town, like it was a whole thing. So it wasn't like me and my friend walking into a frat party.
Okay, I've never been my We all went to community college, so like my siblings, and I.
Don't think normally I would have gone because I was a bit more on the gothy side and it's not like they want to be there, but right're all like hey party.
All right, yeah, amazing, So someone invite me to their keegar? Please? On our hosted party night, we would take hours prepping the house, removing valuables, pushing furniture against the walls, and preparing for the nightly rage. We proudly lined the top of our cabinets with our empty Burnett bottles, got the shittiest beer kegs, and stalk the fridge with original recipe
for locos. Remember those. The following day was always a bad hangover while cleaning gene marks from the walls, vomit and sticky substances from all surfaces.
Why so disgusting?
I tell you these details because it reflects our poor judgment and priorities.
That's right.
On a night off from hosting, I went out to bars and had a bad fight with my boyfriend. Instead of sleeping at his house, like most nights, I opted to stay at my own house and mope since all my roommates were gone. In the middle of the night, I was awoken to the shrill of fire alarms opening my bedroom door. I was immediately engulfed in black smoke. I couldn't see an inch in front of my face.
I made my way through the smoke to the living room, where my roommate's friend was passed out on the couch and completely unresponsive to my yelling. I ran to the kitchen and my roommate was sitting on our futon, yes very classy kitchen futon, and appeared to be hunched over texting. I was screaming his name as I saw our stove engulfed in flames right next to him. He had completely passed out while texting and making his post bar noodles
in my underwear and brawliss state. I panicked with purpose. I found the fire extinguisher and remembered pass pass, pull, aim, squeeze, sweep, and put out the flames. I then ran around the house and opened every window and door to air out the smoke. I was eventually able to shake him awake, and the first thing he said to me was was not thanks for saving my life, but what very annoyed then asked where his noodles were. His friend was also
okay and not dead. If I were not there that night, I don't know what would have happened because they weren't responding to a fucking fire alarm.
Yeah they were passed out.
Yeah, I would have lit the whole goddamn place down.
Yeah.
Not surprisingly, we did not get our deposit back when we moved out due to quote burn marks and smoke damage. But I am grateful for whatever divine intervention helped me be there that night. I also can't believe how quickly my fight or flight kicked in post sleep, and I'm proud I was able to panic with purpose. Sorry for the lengthy story, but sharing these stories makes me amazed I survived those years. Now I can barely stay awake past nine pm, and I'm raising three smart, kind kids.
I'm sure they'll make many mistakes like I did, but I try my best to remind them to be humble and kind. In this world. We need that more than ever. I am a traveling speech therapist and you're with me daily as I visit patients in their homes. Thank you for all your love and humor. It keeps us all going. Love Carrie pronounce kr e Carrie?
How do you pronounce this crazy name? I love that she was like, I wonder what would have happen? Is like the house to burn?
You save their lives?
Yeah, you did it, full credit. It doesn't sound like you panic at all. It amoked like you woke up and handled shit.
Totally.
Congratulations. Okay, this is a trash parents story and it starts high All. I was introduced to your podcast during a job interview in twenty seventeen. Well spread the word right. It says didn't get the job, but found you two win For me, that job would have been awful. You've asked for pretty much any story at this point, so I felt I needed to write in. I am one of eight children, and yes, my parents believed in birth
control but wanted a big family. My dad was a pastor and we spent a lot of time at church. One Wednesday evening after service, the adults were chatting about God or something, and all the kids decided to play hide and seek. Being the competitive middle child that I am, I was determined to win. I squeezed my tiny five year old body into a thick set of bushes, No not bushes that line the church. I did this once too,
in a big backyard. We've played a hide and seek at night a bunch of adults, most of them were drunk, it was not and I wedged myself kind of under a hedge and no one found me. I won like hands down. But everyone got really mad because they were like, will you where I'm like, I wasn't the whole idea. It was like I was supposed to just be slightly behind a tree or something. It's really funny, so it says.
I sat patiently as others were found, smirking at my brilliance that no one had spotted me what seemed like ours. Probably fifteen minutes, things got quieter, and I started to hear doors shutting and.
Cars pulling away.
Feeling very proud that no one found my spot, I emerged from the bushes only to see my family's van pull out of the parking lot.
Because there's eight of them, there's too many to count.
Oh my god, the very last car to leave, I yelled, but they didn't see or hear me. I immediately burst into tears. Holy Now, I know what you're thinking. A church, surely someone will come by and see a five year old crying on the front steps. But reader, you are wrong. This church was on a highway in the middle of nowhere. I was sure I was going to die or be eaten by mountain lion. As luck or God or the
universe or whatever would have it. One of the other pastor's wives forgot something in the church and she and her husband turned around to retrieve it. A five year old, that's so yeah, a little baby, little baby. They found me crying on the front step.
Oh my god. They wouldn't have known until like bedtime, I bet yes, when everyone's in bed and there's an empty bed and it's like, when was the last time you.
Saw Oh oh, I know I've told this story, but this happened to me in kindergarten. The whole car, watching the carpool drive away. As a five year old, you're like, they this isn't a mistake. They're choosing to go.
And I'm alone for the rest of the I'm alone forever.
This sucks. I don't want to eat that weird pizza and the cafeteria again. They found me crying on the front steps, left a note for my parents on the front door. This was before pages or cell phones, and took me to their house not too far away. Meanwhile, my family had a quiet drive back to their homes an hour away with a van full of sleepy children. When everyone came inside and began the bedtime routine of pajamas and teeth brushing. My mom realized she was missing
a kid. Can you imagine I'm a whole way home.
She's so exhausted from having eight kids, and then it's an hour away. She feels so guilty.
She played all that hide and seek. She had a great time herself, finally as a mom. My dad assured her that I probably fell asleep in the van and he'd go get me. A minute later, he ran in face white, grabbed the keys, muttering, we forgot Janis. He began the hour long journey trying to rescue me. Halfway there, a state trooper pulled him over for speeding. When he rolled down his window, he said, I know I was speeding.
I promised to come back and receive a ticket, but I forgot my five year old daughter at church and she's all alone. The trooper looked at him and said, well, you'd better hurry when my dad's no police escort like the movie. When my dad finally arrived, he saw the note and found me at the other pastor's house. I was surrounded by all their grandkid's toys, and I had every snack from their pantry nearly see. When he arrived, I said, Hi, Dad, thanks for coming, but I think
I wanted to live here now. Don't worry, I'll visit you often. After some coaxing and bribing me with bringing all the snacks with us, we headed home. On the way home, my dad stopped at where he was pulled over by the state trooper originally, but the guy wasn't there. Maybe the trooper figured out he'd had enough punishment for one night. After that, my parents made it a rule to count each kid before they left anywhere. Stay sexy, and please make sure all your kids are in the
car before leaving. Janie janius with an E. So Jennie kind of sounds the same, maybe janis and then it says ps. My oldest kid was at trivia night and a question came up about a true crime comedy podcast by Karen Colgareff and Georgia Hartstart he scored a point for his team instantly, thanks for making me cool for a moment with my kid.
Love that that's like to be the highest, Like like that's success. Yes, you're on fucking quiz nights. Yes, that's so true. And then how many kids do you think at what point you like lose track of them? Because you really knew that.
I really believe it. You can see three three is really hard, but they're like in front of you.
Yeah, okay, this is my last one. Why I was never allowed to babysit again? Hey all, well you asked at the age of seventeen, I was watching two boys ages three and one. That is a baby.
Yeah, those are babies' new.
And you're seventeen during their spring break. I have been babysitting these kids for about a year, so I felt pretty comfortable staying with them while their parents were at work. Since the weather was nice, their mom had suggested I take them to the zoo for the day. Again, I'm seventeen and very unqualified to be in public with children this young. The day started off well enough. The boys were excited and cooperative.
Intel well enough is a tough way to be like. The days started off well enough. You're babysitting and like you're staying home. Yeah you know, Oh my god, everything could go wrong.
It's like the.
TV snacks and like your own house with a bathroom, totally no no reason to go anywhere.
The three year old will call him Kyle. Fucking Kyle became overcome with illogical emotion kids fucking do that. That's another reason adults. When I told him he couldn't have a second lemon ice pop, he started crying, which turned into screaming, which turned into me being hauled off to the zoo jail until his mom could come and verify that her children were in my care. Oh you may
be wondering how things went south so quickly. Kyle had become so inconsolable that he started running away from me, screaming. Someone helped me. That's not my mommy. A little shit, Kyle, A little on repeat. By the time I had caught him and hooked my arm or his waist, he was kicking and screaming, drawing the attention of just about everyone, including zoo security.
I mean, at least they did something totally totally we gotta be we gotta upside it a little bit.
Security took me, well wait till you hear this. Then security took me into a separate office and kept the boys in the lobby where they all caps gave them a fucking ice pop. So with this little shit it worked. Kyle Winn, Kyle fucking' is like, this is how I get what I want?
Kyle Win's again he's been to the zoo before.
It's first rodeo. No, no, well, we waited for their mom. She showed up about forty five minutes later, took the boys home and never called me again. Just kidding. I loved those kids and continued to babysit them until I graduated from high school. Their mom thought the above incident was hilarious and still gives me shit about it years later.
Nice, that's so cool.
I do love that. Ye SSTGM and don't task a seventeen year old with watching your kids somewhere other than their own home. Yeah, m yeah.
Because I think kids. I babysat the kid my sister like for one time, like she had to get me to do it for three hours, and he just immediately just start. He knew he couldn't push it with my sister. Yeah, and with me. He just immediately was like I think I'm gonna slip under these bleachers and just go get lost over there. Same with my nephew, Mikah. It was just like I don't have to listen to you. No, He's like, wait a second, I'm seeing all soft spots here, totally. Yeah, we're equals.
I'm going to have fun.
We're equals. Bye, Okay, Well this actually perfectly dovetails into my last story. The subject line says child labor story. It says hello Karen, Georgia and fur babies in all caps, and then it says Karen, I know it's your favorite. And then there's an emoji off someone laughing so hard until they cry, And here's me just suffering over here. I've been listening since early COVID when my boss recommended MFM as a coping mechanism for being a nurse during
that honored I mean incredible. You two have been my emotional support podcast ever since. You recently asked for slightly inappropriate childhood job stories and I love.
About we did that.
I love it, and wow, do I have one for you. I was a fairal adhd child with the energy of a caffeinated squirrel. My poor parents, Anne and Rod had no idea what to do with me during the summers, until one day they had a truly unhinged idea. She loves animals. We know the zoo director. Let's just drop her off there.
What the fuck?
You know? Anne and Rod, They're nuts. And that's how in peak nineties parenting fashion, I became a child zoo volunteer with what I can only describe as zerra Osha oversight.
That's not volunteering, that's babysitting.
That's abandonment in a public place. You pay the ticket and you're like, see you need it out along three days a week. My mom would drop me off while I one. It's a little lisp, but I'll number it. One cleaned animal enclosures, two fed various creatures. Three consumed my body weight in shock tarts, or apparently flirted with
death question mark question mark. Some highlights include one cleaning the alligator enclosure while alligators were still in it, with the guidance if they hiss and get puffy, just hop back over the fence.
That's good life advice.
Anything, get puppy it by two wrangling wallabies and then in quotes, here's the advice she got. Watch the feet they kick, get behind them and grab the tail.
What is a I'm thinking of a panda bear?
For some reason, they're like, I believe wallabies I think are like little kangaroos. Am I wrong about that? You're correct? I win? And then it says totally normal eight year old. And then the last one says, hand feeding lemurs things called monkey biscuits. Careful the ring tailed one bites, They said, of course he does. I loved every second of it, all caps, but my crowning achievement. I got to help hand raise a baby tiger.
No.
One of the zoo's tigers had two cubs. One didn't make it. They pulled the other to hand raise her. I got to bottle feed her every day I volunteered. Oh my god, hey goo oh, go to our instagram to see the photo.
That is a stuffed animal. It's not real.
Literally looks like a perfectly made stuffed animal.
Look at those.
I named her tigger because I was ten and working with what I had. Yeah, I fed her, played with her, did enrichment, basically lived my best tiger king but wholesome life. She grew up, thrived, and lived to be seventeen years old.
Oh my god, did she recognize her when she'd come back to the zoo.
Let's see, we'll find out, okay, and then my career abruptly ended. One day I came home smelling especially terrible. My dad asked why I smelled worse than usual, And then a parentheses says, rude but fair, and I casually told him, oh, yeah, a full grown male's Iberian tiger pete on me through the chainling fence while I was cleaning. Jesus y'all. He did not care that there was a fence. My zoo career ended that day. I pivoted volunteering at a vet clinic the next summer and stayed there through
high school. I mean, this is an animal person. Yeah, this is a This is the one person who can say for babies to me in all caps, and I accept it fully earned it, right fully earned. And then it says thank you for being a constant source of comfort, laughter, and just the right amount of chaos. Stay sexy and let your kids make wildly unsaved zoo memories.
Erin Wow Aaron and uh.
Oh, I think there's a picture of Tigger with Oh.
Let's see ah, that's your friend.
That's so many people's dream come true.
Dude, mine as a kid. Oh amazing.
And what if, like I want to know if like Aaron ever got that moment or she came back to the zoo exactly, That's what I want to know. Haggard, old college student and that little Tigger was.
Like, oh, I know you my friend, Oh my god, all right, send us your what you did it for a job as a child at My Favorite Murder at Gmail or whatever else you want to tell us.
That's right, any kind of lawsuity stuff from childhood. We'd love to hear it. That's right. And until then, stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Goodbye, Elvis, do you want to cookie?
This has been an exactly right production.
Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.
Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalocci.
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