62. Feeling Unfulfilled In Scholarly Mama Life? This Old Saying May Be A Timely Clue

Here we're changing the overwhelmed juggle struggle narrative around what it means to be a mama on an academic journey to one of empowerment , fulfillment and purposeful success . So how do we successfully navigate these journeys ? Well , first we need the space to embrace this unique blend .

Let's begin by saying yes to creating a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside , because that's when we truly become purposefully whole .

So get ready for the most non-traditional , unconventional and revolutionary approach to PhD motherhood , because one thing I have learned over my many years of experience on this journey is that if you want something different , you have to do something different .

You want something different , you have to do something different , but you must be brave enough to think differently first . So , mama , are you in Fabulous ? Let's begin . These are our journeys of becoming . Hey mama , welcome back .

It's so lovely to have you tuning in today and I am so grateful that you have chosen to spend this time listening into this podcast today . Today's episode is all about why you are not feeling fulfilled , because we know how amazing of an opportunity a PhD is and it's so great .

When we talk to our families , they think , oh my goodness , you must be just the most intelligent person in the world , you've got this amazing opportunity , you know all those good things , and yet we feel so unfulfilled . The same is true for motherhood . We know what a privilege that is to call ourselves a mother , and yet we feel unfulfilled .

We know what a privilege it is to have the freedoms that we get to enjoy in certain parts of the world , and yet we feel unfulfilled . We see the hardship out there of so many people suffering day to day with a whole load of challenges , and yet we feel unfulfilled . Why is that ?

Why do mamas who are navigating PhD journeys and motherhood and marriage , potentially , or relationships , why do we feel unfulfilled ? Potentially our relationships why do we feel unfulfilled ? Now , when I thought about this question , I thought about something that I used to hear a lot when I was growing up . I don't know if maybe it's a Bayesian thing .

Maybe it's a Bayesian thing . I grew up in Barbados , of course , so I don't know whether it's a Bayesian thing , but anyway , if it is a Bayesian thing , then I am sharing with you something that you can say you've learned from me , right , but maybe it isn't .

Maybe it's a universal thing to say , but I remember growing up my grandmother would say to me all the time the squeaky wheel gets the oil , the squeaky wheel gets the oil , and for a long time , you know . Growing up I kind of thought that that was really in reference to getting opportunities .

Like you know , you , if you kind of put yourself forward , you're more likely to get an opportunity to speak up for yourself , advocate for yourself . I kind of saw it in that context .

But recently my husband and I were having a conversation with our eldest son , and my husband mentioned this statement to him in the conversation , and when I reflected on it I thought , wow , that's a message for us as scholarly mamas as well , and so I thought I'd share it here with you .

So , going back to this idea of feeling unfulfilled , I think this requires a certain level of being honest with ourselves and actually pausing and taking stock of our investments , and by this I mean that the answer lies in your investments , and I don't mean financial investments , even though maybe that's true as well . You know , this could apply to that too .

But I am talking about where are you investing your energy and your time ? Because time is finite . We have a certain amount of time . You know our energy is not unlimited either , and so we have to make decisions day to day on how we are going to spend that time and that energy .

And so we are making little micro decisions about how we are investing our time and energy , and sometimes those decisions are not even made with intention .

You'd be surprised at the number of people that will go through an entire day and not even be aware of how they've spent their time , how they have where the kind of time suckers were , where they've been spending too much time on a particular thing that they could be spending elsewhere .

So it really is about making those little micro decisions , whether intentional or not . So of course , it's to our advantage to make them intentional , but it's about making those little decisions every day that lead us to a particular outcome in our lives , whether that's by design or whether that's by default .

And this is where it takes me back to the whole idea of the squeaky wheel gets the oil Strange connection , but one of these little profound moments that kind of sticks with you and just gives you brand new insight . And so how does this have anything to do with the squeaky wheel ? Gets the oil For me , when I think about investing my time and my energy .

Where I invest my time and energy into my research or into my job or into whatever you can fill in the blank about what that is Then that's where you are going to thrive , right ? So if you are only focused on your research , guess what that makes you A good researcher . And , of course , who doesn't want that ? We want to be good researchers .

We embarked on this journey so that we can develop our knowledge and our skills in this particular area . So of course , we want to be good researchers , but we're also mamas , we're also wives or partners . We wear many other hats .

We've got other responsibilities outside of that , and so we want to experience purposeful success in those areas of our lives as well , especially when these hats really complement each other right ?

If we are thriving in one area of our lives , then we've got the capacity , we've got the energy , we've got the motivation to be able to pour more into our research work or our career paths . We've got the drive to be able to do that . But when we're depleted in every other area and every other aspect of our lives . What's left ? What's left right ?

What's left to even pour into the research that we have embarked on in our scholarly mama journey , on this PhD journey , right ? Where does that leave us ? Depleted , not able to pour into any other cups ? But if you want to experience holistic growth and fulfillment in all of the other areas of your life , you need to invest in them .

You need to invest in them . You need to apply the oil . You need to listen to those squeaks . They're calling out to you , saying please , please , oil me up right ? You need to listen to the squeaks because when you oil those squeaks , those are the wheels that will keep moving .

So , where you are investing your time and your energy , your time and your energy is like the oil , right , that's going to keep this machine moving .

When you invest your time and your energy in the things that really matter to you and the things that are important to you , invest your time and your energy in the things that really matter to you and the things that are important to you , those are the areas of your life that will thrive and in which you will flourish .

The same is true for your relationships , your money , your health . When you invest in these areas and I know it is very tempting as a scholarly mama to overlook the importance of some of these areas but also to delay investing in them . You know , for lack of a better word , delay your investments for a time where life feels easier , less stressful .

When you've achieved this , when you've achieved that , then after this you'll get back to those areas that matter the most to you . You'll get back to investing that time and energy where it matters and say , oh , you know what , I'll kind of get to that when I finish my PhD or I'll , you know , come back to that later .

And if you're wondering how I know that later , and if you're wondering how I know , it's because I have lived it . I have lived it . I have been in that valley of overwhelm and disillusionment and neglected so many important things , especially in regards to self-care and even some elements of financial literacy and just , yeah , just certain areas of my life .

I really didn't pay much attention to those when I was super , super laser , focused on my academic you know dreams and my goals and had wake up call after wake up call to , you know , pay attention and to just approach life with more intention and purpose , and so I know it's not uncommon .

I know it's not uncommon when the pressures are high and everything is building up and it feels overwhelming to easily neglect certain areas of your life . But all the while , when you are not oiling those wheels , they're getting rusty , they're malfunctioning , they're not working properly .

You are not thriving in those areas , and so your well-oiled machine is now beginning to get stuck and , if left unattended , could potentially come to a grinding hole .

And then you don't actually get to achieve the goals that you've set for yourself , and you lose out on spending time with the people that you love and care for and , of course , achieving purposeful success and experiencing scholarly joy , because you are not oiling those squeaky wheels .

And so I just wanted to leave that thought with you that the squeaky wheel gets the oil , and that is true for scholarly mama journeys as well .

I don't need to tell you that you are more than your PhD , because you know this , you know this right , you are the one wearing all these hats , so you know that you are more than your PhD , but for some reason , that seems to be the only wheel that's getting the oil at the moment , and other areas are being neglected and you're beginning to feel unfulfilled

in your scholarly mama journey . And it doesn't have to be that way . Right , you can navigate this journey and do it well and finish well and enjoy the other dimensions of your scholarly mama life .

And I guess I'm here to be that little voice to say pay attention to those other squeaks , listen in , see where you need to be auditing and reassessing how you have been operating and navigating this journey so far . Maybe there's scope for change there . But change is never going to happen without intention . First awareness and then intention .

Because , again , you are a scholarly mama , you're wearing multiple hats Sorry , you probably hear my son banging a bowl in the background , but this is real life . But you are a scholarly mama who is wearing many hats and you can do that proudly , right ?

But it does require you to change your thinking about it and then take purposeful action of work-life balance . Anymore is that for me ?

I think different wheels sometimes need different amounts of oil and need oiling at different times , and so it's really important to listen to those squeaks , to pay attention to those squeaks , because it may be time to oil that wheel , it may be time to invest in that relationship , in that self-care , in that friendship , in that rest .

It may be time to invest in the things that matter .

It may be time to put some boundaries in place and say , actually I am not going to burn myself out on this thing or that thing , but I am going to spend some time oiling this wheel and making sure that this machine keeps working , making sure that I am protecting the assets and making sure that I am looking after the things that really matter to me and

protecting those things , investing in those things , investing time and energy and intention and love and care in the things that matter most to you .

And , of course , yes , I talk a lot about flexible focus and there are times where you've got to focus on one aspect for a little bit , perhaps a little more than other areas , because you've got deadlines or you've got something coming up .

But I think if that becomes a habit where that's the only thing that you are paying attention to , that you are investing in in terms of time and energy , then it's no wonder you're not feeling fulfilled . Remember , mama , the squeaky wheel gets the oil . I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope to see you in the next one .

Take care , mama , sending you lots of love and gratitude , take care . Bye for now . Thank you for tuning in to the Mrs Mummy PhD podcast . I hope you've enjoyed the episode and if you did and you want in on this movement , please head over to mrsmummyphdcom or scholarlymamascom .

If you want to do your PhD well without sacrificing yourself or those you love dearest , then you need your hands on my free training called the PhD with Purpose Maminar . When you join us inside Scholarly Mama's Explore , you'll get access to this free training and so much more . Remember , mama , these are our journeys of becoming