Bonesaw Vic's Cryptozoological Gardens: The Book Man by T.W. Grim (4/5) - podcast episode cover

Bonesaw Vic's Cryptozoological Gardens: The Book Man by T.W. Grim (4/5)

Jun 07, 202534 minSeason 27Ep. 2650
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Transcript

Speaker 1

We found ourselves back in the Victorian age replica of my hometown, standing in the exact same spot where we had left. Nothing had changed. Everyone was still dead. Once again, I found myself wondering what to do next. I was determined to see this through to the end. I was also pretty freaking scared. This wasn't interactive dinner theater anymore. The danger was real. Falling Sky looked alert and ready for action. Beside me, he gestured at the steeple of

the church in the distance. I feel like it was strange the reverend was absent from the church. Everyone else was playing their parts, so why was he missing? I shrugged and said, yeah, I was wondering about that too. But the guy who killed Catherine was I don't know, kind of weathered, looking like he spent a lot of time outdoors. I think he was either a shepherd or a farm hand. He definitely smelled like he worked around livestock. The Skinwalker folded his arms and said, I think we

should go back there and have a look around. It's a feeling I have in my heart, and I always trust my heart. I felt the chill creeped down my spine. Now that I was back on the other side, standing amongst all the dead bodies on the street, My ravado was starting to crumble. Yeah, I think he's probably connected to the church. But how if he isn't the reverend, then he must be a member of the congregation. Only

over sure is that we've got more questions than answers. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if this is a good idea. Falling Sky gave me a somber look. He asked, are you afraid? This is the most important question? Reluctantly, I said, I mean, yeah, sure, Why wouldn't I be scared? Right now? I might get killed. I'm not ready to stop living, man. Look, I'll do what I gotta do, but I'm hoping we don't have to. You know that this all ends with

a peaceful resolution. Falling Sky crossed his arms and said nothing. His expression was neutral, but his silence felt like an accusation. I snapped, what it's not weird to be scared of a supernatural murderer, is it? I mean, he killed a whole frigging city full of people, and they weren't even

alive to begin with. It's like, you know, like jumping into the Saturday comics and killing Snoopy, but not just Snoopy, but like all of them, the yellow Bird, Charlie Brown Linus, the mean girl with the dark hair, piano kid, even the dirty kid what's his name? That the kid that was already surrounded by that big cloud of dust. Look, I'm I'm just saying, this guy's dangerous. I don't want to die. I mean, some of us can't turn into a bear, you know what I'm saying. The Skinwalker just

stood there looking at me speaking. I felt my face get red. I slapped my utility belt with both hands and sputtered, what do you want from me? Seriously, I don't even have a weapon. I got fuck all over here. Man, my squirt don't do anything. I doubt it, I thought the garlic. Oh look, here's some stupid little beads. What am I supposed to do with this shit? This whole thing is just it's so fucking stupid, you know. I

trailed off beneath the weight of his gaze. I knew what the skin Walker was thinking, and as much as it pained me to admit the truth to myself, he wasn't wrong. I murmured. It was a stupid idea. I don't know what I was thinking. What are we even doing here? Man, I'm not a detective. I'm not a ghostbuster either, not even a good caretaking assistant. Crying out loud, I'm just a lazy dirtbag who doesn't friggin think before he acts. I shook the beads of falling sky and sputtered. Man,

I want to help this girl, I really do. I mean, I saw her death. I felt it. That fucking guy needs to burn, or like maybe he should be boiled alive. I don't know, something along those lines, something with a lot of heat. But none of that matters. It's kind of hard to admit to something like this, but I my voice suddenly got a hoarse and my eyes started welling up with tears. I wiped him away with an

angry swipe of my sleeve. What sort of man starts freaking crying about his shortcomings at a time like this. It was ridiculous, But that was the problem, wasn't it. I was a ridiculous person at heart. I was a goofy manchild, and that's the truth. I needed to stop farting around and face my reality. Had on shortcomings at all, but it's not easy to click on the light and take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror. Is it? It hurts to see those flaws. It's humiliating.

I hitched in the shaky breath and I quavered. I'm probably gonna fuck this up, man, That's what I do. I fuck things up. And then I just sort of slink away with my hands in my pockets. Falling Sky raised an eyebrow at this sudden outpour of emotion. He said, yes, I see. Well I don't know about any of that, but I'll tell you what. I'll take those beads off your hands if you don't want them. Those are some really nice beads. I rub my temples and groaned, this

fucking headache. Good god, what do you have a real headache and a pretend reality? Anyways? Sure, I'm scared. What else do you want me to say? I'm not a fear tough guy. I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack either. And yeah, man, you're right, I do have a dominating mother, actually the world dominating. It's a fucking vast understatement. That woman's like an like an angle grinder. She'll cut you up from every direction, and then she'll

wear you the fuck down. It's all true. But I'm here, aren't I. I'm here, and I'll fight if there's no other choice. I'll fight hard. Most importantly, I'll stand up for what I believe is right. Falling Sky stared at me for another moment or two, and then he gave me a slow nod of approval, his lips curled into a grin. He clapped me on the shoulder and said, I was just fucking with you, little brother. It's good to be afraid. If a man becomes too brave, he'll

join his ancestors before his time has come. Be afraid, Billy Whitebread, stay alive. Falling Sky may have eaten a few people out in the desert shore, but he was still a good guy at heart. He gave him a tired smile and said, thanks man, I needed that. And yeah, you can have the beads if you still want them. Honestly, don't know what to do with them. Got a fucking clue, by the way, you missed your calling. If you weren't

a witch, you would have been a great therapist. You're you're good at staring at people until they spill their guts only if I could become an owl, he answered, in a serious tone. Owls are very wise. You're the great song of the universe, and they understand it. I mowed that over for a few seconds, and I said, uh, what, seriously, like, what do we even man? I have no idea what you're talking about, so you just make shit up as you go. He nodded in agreement. I tell outrageous lies.

That's just for fun. The Great Song is no laughing. All worlds ride upon its melody, on all levels of creation. I chuckled to myself a bit, and I told him that doesn't clear anything up, just creates more questions. To be honest, but that's a problem for another day. Let's go find that book. Man's our best to fuck up his world. Huh. We navigated through the corps laden streets of Saint Michael's Church. As we stepped onto the church grounds, the bell started to ring. I almost jumped out of

my skin. It rang thirteen times and then it stopped. They murmured, that's pretty ominous. I guess he knows we're here. The doors to the front entrance were standing open. We shuffled inside. Both of us tends to either fight or run if something tried to grab us. A guest book near the door, and I took a peek inside. In large block letters, someone had scrawled the words turn back or die. I crossed every single page. I snorted, too late, FRIENDO, and closed it with a muffled thump. I turned and

saw a falling sky wandering towards the pulpit. He stood in front of the podium and pulled his war club from its leather holster. He tapped the podium with the club and called out, show yourself, book man, We've come to send you to the darkest corners of existence. Come out and face your end with dignity. The skin walker's words bounced off the ceiling and echoed off the walls. I held my breath as we waited for a response,

but the church remained still and quiet. Falling sky whacked the podium hard enough to crack the wood and shouted, your ancestors are a bunch of wimpy little girls. That's right, I said it, now what. An elderly man came bursting from a discreet door at the rear of the church. He looked like a scarecrow in a long, dark castle. He stormed over, glared Falling Sky from beneath the bushy white clouds of his eyebrows. What in the name of the Almighty do you think you're doing? It's not beating

on that podium has done nothing to you. Falling Sky pointed the business end of the club. The old man snarled, are you the book man? Did you kill the girl? The old man planted his hands on his hips and sputtered, what are you drunk? I can assure you I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. I waved to get Falling Sky's attention. Wearily, I said, that's not him, and I recognize this guy. Who are you man? The old man gave me an indignant look and shouted, who

do you think I am, Sir, King of Spain? Complete asinine question. My name is Reverend Jonathan Kimball. He's my church and that's my podium. Good sir, I thank you to stop pounding on it with your damn club, God forsaken fool. The skinwalker backed away a few steps from the reverend's anger. He warred it off the furious clergyman with a raised hand and said, a murderer of children, looks beneath your roof, full timer. What's his name? The

reverend gaped at him in shock. He waved his arms in the air and stammered, I have no knowledge of such a fiend in my congregation. You must be mistaken. Something about the old man's appearance caught my attention. He was the cuff of his sleeve a frayed and torn. I pointed at it and asked, do you have any idea what happened to your sleeve? Reverend? He found that His coffin muttered, I don't really know what happened. Truth be told, The parson told me he snagged it on

a book bush somewhere. But I'm not sure if I believe him. He's a bit of an odd duck. But I am sure he'd proved to be an adequate replacement when I retire from my service to the Lord. I felt my heart skip a beat in my chest. Slowly, I said, wait a minute, the parson like another clergyman who helps you run the show. Reverend Kimball made a sour face and answered that for a time being, yes, he'll be my successor as the head of the church.

He's girl fond of referring to himself as the shepherd Man even started keeping a few sheep in his back garden. I find his demeanor rather strange, it's true, but as long as his interest in animal husbandry doesn't get in the way of his duties of the church, I have no cause to complain. I wish him all the best in the coming years. In my mind's eye, I saw ghostly fingertips crawling. The person cut my neck in a pile of dust. It just like that, it all clicked

into place. Trying my best to keep my voice neutral, I asked the reverend, I excuse us for a moment, would you. I tugged at falling Sky's arm. He gave me a puzzled look, but he allowed me to lead him away. I leaned in close and quietly said, keep it down. I just had an epiphany just now, man. Catherine was trying to tell us it was the person. I mean, she's only seven. She probably just got the words mixed up. It makes sense now why he's always

visiting their home. A lot of church going folks would be honored if their parsons started showing up for a visit. He's probably doing it to get close to Catherine. The skin Walker shot a mistrustful glance over at the reverend. They grumbled, what is an? It pipped me? And what are the old man? It still seems very strange. He wasn't around the first time I came here. I lowered my voice even more, whispered. Maybe he was dodging us

on purpose. I don't know. Trying to figure it out, Falling Sky abruptly whirled around and yelled, hey, old man, why were you hiding from us? Speak the truth, old man, or I'll tell the ancestors to hunt you down in the spirit world. My jaw dropped in dismay. I nudged him with my elbow and softly growled, shut up, idiot, do not understand the concept of being subtle. Falling Sky snapped, I don't even know what that word means, Billy Whitebread. All I know is that it is time for some answers.

Reverend Kimball was giving us a look of utter confusion. He sputtered, I'd never hide from my congregations, sir. I was called away by the parson preparing a sermon for an upcoming service. He wished to discuss the true meaning of Matthew nineteen fourteen. They gave him a blank stare in return. My family had never been very big on going to church. I didn't know much about the Bible, asked, what's Matthew nineteen forty. I'm sorry, but I don't have

a I don't have a clue what you're talking about. The reverend glared at me with contempt. He said, it's a quote from Jesus in the Book of Matthew. He said, suffer little children, forbid him not to come unto me, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. Now, I believe the meaning is quite obvious, given the context of the falling sky bark, be quiet, you tired, some old bag of wind. Just tell us his name, Reverend Kimball stammered, whom you be, referring to the parson. The Skinwalker and

I both shouted yes, and the reverend flinched. He held up his hand and exclaimed, don't need to raise your voice in me. His name is William Finley. God. The reverend was interrupted by a sharp, metallic object that suddenly burst through his neck. A tall, dark figure materialized behind him, seemingly out of thin air. I grabbed the elderly man by the shoulder and tore the knife out of his neck,

mostly decapitating him in the process. His head flopped sideways and a spray of blood, and then rolled on a few shreds of meat to hang in front of his chest. I gasped, Holy fuck, and stumbled back. My heart slammed in my chest like he was trying to escape. Beside me, falling sky transformed into a mountain lion. He bared his teeth and snarled the fur on his back. Standing on end, The Bookman lifted the reverend's body with one hand and

he threw it aside like a rag doll. It hurled through the air and slammed into a wall with a heavy thud. He drew back his hood, revealing a nightmare of gray skin and sunken, blazing eyes. He revealed his rotting teeth in a horrible grin. The horrible apparition croaked. Vengeance belongs to my lord. If he did not see fit to punish me, and he is already done, why are you trying to challenge the authority of the Lord. I tried to speak, but my tongue was glued to

the roof of my mouth. The Bookman was practically radiating a shadowy and sinister force. I could feel it prickling at my skin. He wasn't just a malevolent spirit, he was something much, much worse. Falling Sky crouched down low and hissed, be gone, demon, You have no business in the spirit world. Leave this place and return to the void. The Bookman looked darkly, amused. I am no demon. No, I am only a humble clergyman in the service of his Lord. You should have stayed clear of this business,

you damnable fools. I gave you many warnings, but you paid them no heed, I have no choice but to release your souls into the spirit realm. I sneered, the fuck off. You don't serve any higher power. You're not a holy man. You're a frickin psycho, and you're full of shit. I tried my best to sound brave, but my voice quavered. The Bookman bared his decaying teeth in a coy smile. He croned, home, you are gravely mistaken.

My Lord is terrible to be old. His body is that of a serpent, and his eyes glitter from within the skull of canine. At the end of creation, it will be I who sits at his left hand. It will be my reward for my faithful service, and you will not interfere with my reward, you wretched little bastard. He moved so fast I didn't even see him coming. Falling Sky, however, had the reflexes of a cat. He

pounced just as the Bookman was swinging his knife. The tip barely grazed me, drawing a thin line of blood across my neck. And then they were rolling across the floor in a snarling tangle of limbs. Falling Sky emitted a shrill shriek of agony. His cry broke my roalysis, and I lurched after them on trembling legs, my water pistol in hand. I screeched, eat it, bitch, and I sprayed him in the face with liquid silver nitrate. It got in his eyes and he let out a guttural roar.

The Bookman sprang to his feet and heaved falling Sky with one hand, tossing him like a sack of potatoes. He skidded into the prayer desk, sending it tumbling in a cascade of papers. I ran to a side and scream, get up, man, come on, We gotta run, falling, said, I muled faintly in response, and then his eyes rolled into the back of his head. The Bookman had slashed him deeply across his furry underbelly. Blood was rolling across the floor in a puddle. I dragged him into my lap.

As the Bookman advanced on us, I was dimly aware that I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Not a shame to admit that I pissed myself a bit too. It's a little squirt, I mean, perhaps, but it definitely happened in my mind's eye. The floor became ice as we transformed into hot lava. We melted out of sight just as the Bookman was reaching from my throat, and he plummeted through an undefined space of nothing and nowhere.

I could hear a sound like white static in the background, and I became aware of a brilliant thread of light in the distance. It appeared to stretch forever in both directions. He was breathtaking, you know, somehow also terrifying. A thin piping voice of King Murcus popped into my head and it asked, can you see the threat? And then we were both sprawling out on the floor in the skin Walker's habitat, as if we'd fallen from a great height.

His blood immediately began to gush into the sand, and I sat up and shouted, Kaz, he's heard really bad. Helped me. The speaker crackled overhead. There was a long pause, and then Kaz replied, you're placing me in a difficult position. We cannot both enter the habitat at the same time. Hi, shriek. Come on, fuck the rules man. We gotta bring him to Miss Dahlia right now where he's gotta get in here. Help me, God damn it. I started dragging falling sky across the sand, and I heard a hiss as the

pneumatic door locked slid back. Kas gently pushed me aside, and he scooped the unconscious beast into his arms. His expression was grave. He rumbled, Victor did not employ us to play detective. If the Skinwalker dies, we will join him soon after. Pray that he lives. Kaz whirled and ran through the door. I was hot on his heels, tears streaming down my face, falling to eye. Was no longer just another exhibit at the zoo. He was my friend.

Vic would surely fly into a rage when he heard about my shenanigans, but that was unimportant at the moment. All that mattered was my good friend, Falling Sky, the man eating shaman with a heart of gold. I didn't care what happened to me later, as long as the skin Walker was allowed to stay among the living. Miss Dahlia was sleepy eyed and irritable and a frumpy nightgown. She flung open the door to the reception area and started to curse at me, but her expression changed when

she saw the bleeding Mountain Lion in Kasimir's arms. I'm sorry, I sobbed. He's dying. Can you fix him? Please help us? She plucked Falling Sky out of Kasimir's arms and hurried over to the waterfall. I squirmed around anxiously as she drizzled the water over his gaping wound, singing her ethereal song behind us. The door stammed open with a bang, and a security goon came storming inside. He took wood and look at what was happening and growled, the fuck

is this? Kaz I follow the blood trail from Skinwalker's habitat naw, don't say anything, save your breath for Victor. I'm detaining you people right now. Put your hands up. Kaz suddenly lunged at him, Moving fast and low, he shoved the barrel of the security guard's rifle towards the ceiling. At the same time, he dove the heel of his palm into the goon's lumpy nose. It broke with a muffled crack and a gush of blood. Kasimir tore the rifle out of his hands and slammed it into his chest,

driving him back through the doorway. He quickly slammed the door shut and locked it with a turn of the dead bolt. The big Russian looked at me and calmly said, we are in very deep shit. Now. How is the skin walker doing? Will he live? Mister Olia gave him a gentle nod. He'll be fine, sugar. It'll be a few hours before he can move. He was almost gone. I can usually save them, but not always. He got lucky tonight he nearly died. Kaz let out of deep

breath and murmured, that's good. Falling sky is a very popular attraction. Perhaps he will not die in the morning, after all, I sucked in some air through my teeth and said, Victor is my only problem right now. I still have the bookmand to do with you. See what he did to fall on Sky. This guy's not your ordinary spirit. He's on another level. I don't think I'm safe over here. You better believe I'm not safe over there. He almost took my head off with a big ass

knife Falling Sky. He saved me. That's that's how he got hurt. An angry fist pounded on the door. A nasiy voice squawked from the other side. Fucked up, Kazimir gonna regret that. I'll ask Victor if I can kill you myself. You fucking cal me, Kazimir called back. When the time comes, we will see and tell them to not attempt to come inside. You would be unwise. Miss Dallia was looking very very annoyed. She'd have the finger at me and demanded, what have you boys gotten up

to you tonight? So like you were poking around and you stirred up Hornet's nest, didn't you, Sugar? I g remaced. Yeah, pretty much, Long story short. We were trying to solve Catherine's murder. Now her murderer wants to kill us too. He's this really evil, fucked up like shadow spirit or something, you know, like just really bad news all around this guy. He was a creepy serial killer when he was alive, and now he's something a lot worse. She nodded thoughtfully,

frowning to herself a little. When the security agent began pounding on the door again, she said, well, I suppose you too should stay away from the spirit world for a while. I pressed my lips together in an unhappy line and shook my head. I don't think we're safe anywhere, miss Dahlia. He's not an ordinary spirit. He can get us, and he will get us. We won't be able to fight him. Falling Sky quietly wheezed. I's son to die and always remained in my prison. The spirit world is

my only escape. The water Nymph gave him a sad look. Scratched behind his ear. She'd have the way a few tears with her other hand, and she sighed, I understand completely, sugar. We're all prisoners here, you me, all of us, even the caretakers are prisoners. They just they can't just quit and go find a new job, can they. He has us all under his fat, greasy thumb and there's no way out. It's not much of a life, but I suppose it's better than the alternative. I felt a sudden

thickness in my throat. Everything was fucked, you know, everything was so messed up, every aspect of our lives, and it was all because of vic Bonicelli, used car salesman, gangster, hitman, zookeeper and calculating so sipat he could greet you like an old friend. He could, or he could stab you in the eyeball saw the same to viction Bonaicelli. The incessant pounding on the door abruptly stopped. Miss Dahlias sniffed,

like God's that was driving me crazy. Cas said it would be better if he was still beating on the door. He's probably on his way to call Victor. We don't have much time. What is your plan, Billy? I rubbed my poor aching head. He was hurting something fierce and squeaked. I don't know, man, there's some stupid rule that I need to know his name before he faces any justice, and I don't have his last name yet. I know his face, I know his given names. It's William Findley

something or other. But it's not enough everyone who knew him is long gone. I guess I could. I could try to find them in the spirit world, but Dickhead will show up and cut my throat the moment I step across the barrier. I think I'm kind of fucked over here. Kaz thought about it for a moment, staring off in the space, and then he said, perhaps you should not step across the barrier. Then perhaps you should lure him into the space between this world and the

other one. A violent shiver tore it on my spine, and the hairs of my arms stood up. I tried to keep the quiver out of my voice. My place is fucking intense, man. There aren't any directions, no up or down, but somehow there's still like dimensions and space. I don't know how to describe it. I saw this huge, brilliant light and it seemed like it was so far away, but it was also right there, right in front of me.

I mean, I can't really describe it. It was this enormous light that stretched out forever and ever, and that's all I can say. It's freaking crazy over there. It doesn't make any sense. Miss Dallia gently murmured, that's the threat, Billy, All of creation is attached to the threat. Most humans wouldn't be able to see it. Y'all are so distracted by what's right in front of your eyes and can't perceive anything that lies beyond. No wonder the sprites were

interested in you. That's very than usual. Glumly, I said, you heard about that, did you? Yeah? It paide me a visit, but it didn't do me any good. I was supposed to be under their protection, but that's obviously some bulshit. I mean, that bookman, motherfucker almost cut my freaking head off. Where's their share of when that happened, he was nowhere to be seen. If it weren't for falling sky, I would have become a permanent resident of the spirit world. Miss Dahlia patted my hand. She asked,

who Sheriff Blotto? Is he still kicking around? Well, I imagine he already knew you weren't going to die. The fake can see into the future. I mean they can't see the end of days, of course, that's a given. Not even the demi gods or the demons can see that far. But they can see, so don't write them off just yet. I scoffed at her and said, what about him, appointed a falling skuy who still curled up in a miserable ball on the floor. She gave me a shrug and said,

skin Walker doesn't have their protection. He doesn't need it. He's a tough cookie and he knows what he's doing. You not so much. Kaz clapped his hands together and growled, enough talk, you need to act. Victor will be here soon. I will not stop him from entering the room. I have done too much already, I snapped. Fine, I'll go back to whatever you want to call it, the place here between us and the dead, and then what? Alia

shrugged at me again. She put a hand on my shoulder and said, I don't know, Billy, I've never been there, but I do know that the universe abhors an imbalance. I think you'll find what you need when you get there. Do what you need to do, Sugar. We'll be waiting for you. The water and imph hesitated, and then she leaned in to plant a very soft kiss in the corner of my mouth. My heart lurched in my chest. I gawked at her in a mixture of shock and surprise.

Take that with you, she smiled, and then she stood back and waited. They were all looking at me expectantly, and I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do. At the back of my mind, King Marcus asked again if I could see the thread. I thought, yes, Sir, I can, and I closed my eyes. This time. I imagine the floor was lava and it was me who's made of ice. I instantly evaporated, my entire being boiling apart in a swarm of microscopic fragments. The cloud floated

into the air and passed through the ceiling overhead. There was a feeling of gentle resistance, like I was forcing myself through a veil of gauze, and the parts of me reassembled in a strange and unknowable realm. I was in between here and there, this and that. I was in the great nowhere, and and it was time to kick the Bookman's murdering ass into the void. Either kids, it's me, mister Greeypasta, and I just wanted to tell you thank you so much for watching tonight's video or

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