Still Stooping from mister Punch's dramatic Sequels by Saint John Hankin. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
She stoops to conquer.
Many people must have wondered where the happiness resulted from the marriage between Charles Marlowe, whose shyness with ladies, it will be remembered, prevented his ever having a word to say to any woman above the rank of a barmaid, and the vivacious Kate Hardcastle. The following sequel reveals the painful truth Dramatis personae Kate recorded by Karen.
Savage Charles recorded by Peter Yearsley.
Hardcastle recorded by Sarah O'Connor. The parlor of Charles Marlowe's house. He and Kate are sitting on opposite sides of the fire. Silence reigns, and Charles fidgets nervously Kate anticipation a remark subsequently made by PAULA Tankery six minutes Charles, finding his tongue with an effort.
Er eh, exactly six minutes, Dear, since you made your last remark.
Charles laughing uneasily and blushing.
Ah ah ha.
Well what are you going to say next?
It's really time you made an observation of some kind, you know.
Um uh, I've nothing to say.
Come make an effort. It's er a fine day, considering that it's raining steadily, dear, and has been for the past half hour. I hardly think that can be considered a fortunate opening.
Confounded, so it is forgive me here, my dear. I didn't know what I was saying.
You very seldom do dear to me.
What a fool you must think me?
Kate touched by his evident sincerity.
Never mind, it's a shame to laugh at you. But you are rather absurd, you know.
She goes over and kisses him. He accepts the caress with gratitude, but blushes painfully.
I know, my love, but I've always been shy like that.
It's an idiosyncrasy, not idiosyncrasy, dear, idiocy.
The words are so much alike.
Ah, now you're laughing at me.
Of course I am goose, you see, dear. As long as you were a bachelor, it was all very well to be bashful. But now that we are married.
I really think you ought to fight against it.
Fight against it. I fight against it every hour of the day. Every morning, I say to myself, I really must get over this ridiculous shyness. I must try and show Kate how much I love her.
You are curiously unsuccessful, Dear.
I feel that, but it's not for lack of trying. Do you suppose, Kate, that anything but the strongest effort of will keeps me sitting in this chair at this moment? Do I ever, save under compulsion remain in the same room with any lady for more than five minutes? Why, my dear girl, if I didn't love you to distraction, I shouldn't remain here an instant.
You certainly have a curious method of displaying an ardent attachment.
Yes, it's most unfortunate. But I warned you, dear, didn't I? I told you all about my absurd bashfulness before we became engaged. You knew that the presence of ladies invariably reduced me to speechlessness before you accepted me.
Not invariably, my love. What about your prowess with Missus Mantrap and Lady Betty Blackleg that you told me about.
Charles blushes, crimson.
Didn't they call you their agreeable rattle at the lady's club in town.
I get on well enough with uh disreputable ladies, but you aren't disreputable.
You are too modest, dear.
Some of your conquests are quite respectable.
Didn't I come.
Upon you in the act of kissing and the housemaid yesterday? And no one can pretend that my housemaids aren't disreputable.
Ah, yes, I'm not shy with housemaids.
So I noticed I sent Anne away this morning. Hot Anne, Yes, and Sarah too.
I thought I.
Detected in you are lurking panchamp for Sarah.
Yes, I liked Sarah.
So now we haven't a single maid in the house. It's really very inconvenient.
You must get others for you to make eyes at.
Certainly not. By the way, is there any type of female domestic servant whom you do not find irresistibly attractive? Dark ones, fair ones, young ones, old ones, tall ones, short ones.
He shakes his head at each question.
Not one, I'm afraid not. Then I must do the housework myself.
Charming, my dear Kate, how delightful. Put on a cap and apron and take a broom in your hand, and my bashfulness will vanish at once. I know it will.
It seems the only course open to us, especially as there's no one else to sweep the rooms. But I wish you were not so unfortunately constituted.
So do I. But after all we must accept facts and make the best of them. You stooped to conquer? You know you must go on stooping, Go and put on an apron at once.
Scene two, Charles's special sitting room, where he is wont to hide hishness from visitors. Time a week later, Kate, in a print dress, cap and apron, is on her knees before the fireplace, cleaning up the hearth. Charles entering the room unperceived, stealing up behind her and giving her a sounding kiss.
Still stooping, Kate.
Charles Charles kissing her again.
Oh Kate, Kate, what a charming little creature you are, and how much I love you?
But how long will you go on? Loving me?
Always? Dearest? In a cap and.
Apron embraces her.
It's rather hard that I should have to remain a housemaid permanently in order to retain my husband's affection.
It is dear, I see that.
However, there's nothing to be done, so I may as well accustom myself to the idea as soon as possible.
Takes a broom and begins to sweep the floor.
You don't think your absurd shyness is likely to diminish with time?
It may, dear, but I think it would be unwise to count upon it. No, as far as I can see, the only thing to be done is for you to continue in your present occupation. You sweep charmingly for the rest of your natural life.
Kate, sweeping industriously.
What would my father say if he saw me?
He won't see you. He hasn't been over since we were married.
A ring is heard?
Who's that?
What does it matter? No one will be shown in here. Jenkins has orders never to bring visitors into my room.
That's true.
Returns to her sweeping. Suddenly the door opens and mister Hardcastle enters, with elaborate heartiness, thrusting aside Jenkins, who vainly tries to keep him out. Zune's man out of the way. Don't talk to me about the parlor. Can't I come and see my son in law in any room? My sjoels Charles mutters, an oath. Kate Dan's clutching her broom convulsively, facing her father. How'd you do, son in law? Kate,
my dear, give me a kiss, Heaven's child. Don't stand there cleaning to a broomstick as though you're going to fly away with it. Come and kiss your old father. Kate drops the broom nervously and kisses him obediently. Charles endeavoring by the warmth of his welcome to divert attention from his wife.
How do you do, sir, how do you do?
Wringing his hand, Hardcastle noticing a small heap of dust on the carpet, which has been collected by Kate's exertions. Hey, what's this? Why I believe you were actually sweeping the room? Kate?
I am sorry, father, that you should have found me so unsuitably employed, unsuitably.
On the contrary, nothing could be more suitable.
Come, Papa, don't you begin to be eccentric too.
I'm not aware that there is anything eccentric about me.
No, no, sir, of course not.
But when I find my daughter laying aside her finery and looking after her house, I cannot conceal my satisfaction. Oh, Charles, you have improved her greatly. When she lived at home. You remember, I had hard enough work to persuade her to lay aside fine clothes and wear her housewife's dress in the evenings. As for sweeping, I never even ventured
to suggest it. I should think not. And yet, Kate, if you knew how charming you look in a print, frock a cap and apron Kate laughing in spite of herself, you.
Too, Really, Papa, I am ashamed of you. However, you seem both of you determined that I should pass the remainder of my days as a housemaid. So I suppose you must have your way. This is what comes of stooping to conquer. Now go away both of you and leave me to finish. Sweeping.
Takes up broom again resolutely we will Kate come, Charles coming, sir, darting across to his wife and kissing her darling goose. He goes out hurriedly after Hardcastle. The end of still stooping