Music. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. As experienced therapists with backgrounds in addressing trauma and mental health disorders, we believe there is hope and there certainly is healing.
We've spent our lives supporting people through the ups and downs, and we want to share these insights with you. Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal and building healthy relationships. Each week, we'll bring you engaging conversations, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and develop enduring love.
This podcast is your guide to transforming adversity into triumph, healing wounds and past trauma, gaining wisdom and insight, and creating meaningful, fulfilling connections. So if you're here to heal, to better understand yourself or your relationships, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, bring your trauma and your drama, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. Music. Hey everyone, welcome back to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast.
We're so glad that you're here with us today. In the last couple of episodes, we've been doing scenarios EMDR can help with. The first one was overcoming childhood trauma. The last episode, we talked about how trauma can affect relationships and how EMDR can help heal the codependent patterns in relationships that can come from that trauma. And in the next two episodes, we're going to continue on with these scenarios. Today, we're going to talk about moving past a single traumatic event.
And in the next episode, we're going to talk about healing complex trauma or complex PTSD. So let's jump into today's episode. In today's conversation, we're going to focus on how EMDR therapy can help you move past a single traumatic event. This can be a car accident, a sudden assault, maybe a natural disaster that happened, or any other one-time trauma that may be haunting you. So let's talk about Elaine.
She experienced a severe car accident about a year ago, and even though her physical injuries have healed, she's been dealing with nightmares, flashbacks, overwhelming anxiety every time she drives, but also every time she's in a car, whether she's the passenger or the driver. When she doesn't manage to drive, she only takes side streets and refuses to go on the freeway. So Elaine's life changed drastically after that accident. Short trips to the grocery store often led to panic attacks.
She had trouble sleeping. The nightmares just replayed the crash over and over for her. She tried to just power through, but that trauma just continued to take a hold of her. That's when one of her counselors suggested EMDR, explaining that her brain might be stuck in a traumatic response. Now, for single trauma events, EMDR helps the brain to process memory so it no longer has an emotional charge.
And this is something, as an EMDR therapist, that can be fun to work with because it's oftentimes a very quick turnaround. And this is, if you recall, Ruth told her story where she had a lot of dental work done. And if somebody scratched on their jeans, then it would make her cringe and it would make her feel very uncomfortable. Where her therapist had told her, hey, in about three sessions,
I think I can fix that for you. Now, generally, as a therapist, it can be very uncomfortable to put a time frame on it, because it's really hard to predict. But for these single events where it's very clear, I didn't have this problem at all, and then afterwards, now all of a sudden I have this slew of problems, and it's very clearly linked to this traumatic moment that had happened, your brain does have a tendency to process through it relatively quickly.
Unlike what we're going to talk about in the next episode of Complex PTSD, it's actually much more complicated, and it's harder to understand really where the full breadth and width of the trauma came from, or maybe it's just layers of additional trauma that cause it to be difficult to process. But when we're talking about these single events, it's very clear. And when you jump in and you start working on it, you very quickly can start to see some really great benefits.
And Elaine's story is not unique by any means. I think you and I have both had several clients who have experienced car accidents and have been afraid to drive, or other reasons that have caused them to be afraid of driving, maybe not even a car accident. But I know I've had many clients who have struggled being on freeways, have struggled driving, have struggled being a passenger.
Well, for sure, even for myself, when I was about 19, I got into a pretty bad car wreck, and I ended up having, now looking back on it, what's called acute stress disorder, which is after a traumatic event, up to about 30 days, you might have symptoms of PTSD from it.
Now, fortunately for me, it did just only last about 30 days, and every time I drove after that, it was anxiety-provoking, I felt uncertain, I actually felt like I was more dangerous on the road, not intending to be, but because I was so jumpy and nervous. But then, fortunately for me, after those 30 days, I just kind of went back to normal and the anxiety went away and then I wasn't nervous on the road anymore.
But if you go through a bad car accident and it's lasting over 30 days, then definitely that's something that's not as likely to just wane away and something that you want to really consider getting work done on. And that can be frustrating because it does change your life. And like we mentioned, simple trips to the grocery store. And anytime you have to leave your house and go someplace, it can cause this anxiety.
And that anxiety definitely can range from being mild anxiety to debilitating anxiety where you might not even be able to drive yourself anymore. Somebody else might have to drive you. Or even if somebody else is driving you, you might really be struggling with them driving you. I think too, it can add into this isolation because if you have the opportunity to go and meet up with people or attend an event, a lot of times you'll opt to not go because of the anxiety you're experiencing.
And so even though you're not intending to isolate, you are isolating yourself because you're not able to get out as much. You're not able to see people and connect with people in a way that you used to. So going back to Elaine, Elaine was in a car wreck and she was driving through an intersection and a car drove by and just T-boned her in her driver's side. And the moment of trauma for her is looking and seeing that the car is about to hit her.
Now, even though Elaine was relatively okay and just had some minor scrapes and bruises from the accident, this point of time in her life is now seared in her mind and she kind of can't get out of her mind. When she's driving or somebody else is driving her, She's always imagining getting into a car wreck or any slight move that anybody makes on the freeway. All of a sudden now she's hyper aware of it and starts to feel that everybody's being unsafe.
And as a matter of fact, just like I was saying in my own experience, Elaine now is also driving in more dangerous ways. She's hitting the brakes harder than she needs to. It might make people behind her almost hit her or almost rear end her. And so the therapist uses this as the point of trauma that we're going to work on. And the negative belief is I'm in danger.
And that really is what Elaine's feeling out on the road. Every moment that she's driving or somebody else is driving, she's feeling in danger or feeling very worried that another accident is going to happen. And at this point, the therapist is going to walk her through and say, OK, with that image and the statement, I am in danger, tell me, what are we feeling right now? Oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling nervous. I'm feeling worried.
And then, OK, what body sensations are we now feeling along with that? Oh, my palms are sweaty. I feel my heartbeat is accelerating. I feel palpitations in my chest. And then after that, the process is going to start. And they're going to start doing the bilateral stimulation back and forth. And then Elaine is now going to think through, oh, then after the car hit me, then the airbags went off. And all of a sudden, my glasses were thrown off. I didn't know where they were.
In my phone, it was on the dashboard. It got thrown into the backseat. And Elaine's going to go through and start recalling all of these details about the event. And actually, I like to warn my clients too, especially when you first start processing, this memory feels like a 7 out of 10 on the intensity. It feels pretty intense. But a lot of times when you first start processing, it actually can increase the discomfort.
So then Elaine all of a sudden might jump from a 7 out of 10 to a 9 out of 10, and she might feel worse feelings. And I tell people it can come in waves where sometimes you'll feel worse, and sometimes it can get too intense and your brain might even give you a break where all of a sudden we're going to go through a lull that it's going to be more gentle things or things that are not necessarily associated with it that are a lot calmer.
But then all of a sudden your brain gets back to a spot and it ramps back up and it goes back into these more uncomfortable thoughts or feelings or body sensations associated with the accident or other incidences that are connected with I am in danger. But then as the processing continues on, the discomfort from this experience starts to wane and starts to wind down where you might think about the accident and incident.
It's, oh, okay, you know what? Now my mind brought me back to this memory of the car almost hitting me. And now all of a sudden it feels much less worrying. Oh, I do still have some feeling of anxiety, but now I notice my palms aren't sweating, but I do still feel an elevated heart rate in my chest here when I'm thinking about it. And then you go back in and you start processing some more. And then eventually, Elaine's now thinking about this incident and thinking, you know what, it is over.
I am safe now. I don't feel any sense of worry when I think about this.
And a lot of times this is the real test I like to have my clients do where it's like okay now I want you to go out and drive and I want you to note how you're feeling when you're going through it because if we really have solved the trauma connected with this then there should not be any level of discomfort associated with it anymore actually even when we go through and we're trying to install the positive belief system of it's over I'm safe now a lot of times people can
have a hard time getting to a seven on the positive belief scale which is the highest level not because they don't actually feel it but because they have a hard time believing that they're actually going to be able to get into the car now and not have an issue but then once they are able to get into the car and drive and not have an issue then they come back to the office and then we reassess okay out of a scale of one to seven how true does that statement it's over i'm safe
now feel to you and then they're like you know what i got in the car i drove it was totally fine now i really do feel like it is a seven i do totally feel comfortable in the car and that accident does actually now feel like it's over and I am safe now. Right. And it's really an awesome experience as therapists to be able to watch that happen and to be able to see their brains start connecting the dots and realizing that moment was scary, but it's over and I survived.
And to begin to see the symptoms lessen in a very clear way. So even before the target is fully finished, you may be able to notice that her nightmares become less frequent or they might even stop altogether. And her internal narrative will begin to change. So instead of, I can't drive, this is scary, I can't do this, she'll start to affirm herself with things like, I am capable of driving safely. One bad accident or one bad event doesn't have to define my future or doesn't
have to stop me from driving. And I would say even though they've gotten to the car, like you said, that it doesn't mean that the target is fully processed yet. There's still some steps, there might be still some processing to do, because even though they did it, they may have still been experiencing some of the anxiety, but it was more manageable for them. So we keep processing, we keep desensitizing it until we get to a place where
the target memory or the event is fully processed and desensitized. desensitized. And then we go into that next step where we begin to instill the positive belief. And instilling that positive belief is always a fun part of the EMDR process, where before that you're desensitizing, you're going through all the negative experiences.
But then all of a sudden, when we flip to installing the it's over, I'm safe now, you can see there's this complete mindset shift, where now all of a sudden, it's flipped from thinking about all these negative things to all these empowering and positive thoughts.
So some of the real life's changes that she can experience after EMDR and completing that memory is that she can drive without the overwhelming anxiety so she can drive to work to social events she doesn't have to white knuckle the steering wheel the whole way and that might mean less isolation like we talked about because now she does have access to go places and to meet with people she's experiencing better sleep those nightmares
have subsided so she wakes up more rested and she's ready to face the day. And this is also a common thing that people struggle with, especially when they've gone through a traumatic event, or maybe they weren't feeling these before, but when you first start EMDR, you might start having nightmares about the event. The way I like my clients to help understand that is that we've set your brain up on a path to try to resolve this issue.
And sometimes when you leave the EMDR session, your brain's not really done processing. And so a lot of times what it will do is it'll keep trying to process the event when you're sleeping. But then after you go through the EMDR process and you've resolved the trauma, then all of a sudden those nightmares will go away. And another thing that you'll get once you have resolved this trauma is that you'll have a restored sense of confidence.
So we're mentioning how Elaine's driving down the road, and every time somebody makes a move, she gets anxious or nervous, or she's hitting the brakes too hard in situations that doesn't require, and somebody almost plows into the back of her. But now she's going to see people making moves and understand that's safe, If I'm in a good place, I don't need to worry about what they're doing or even see somebody making an unsafe move and then thinking, okay, they're making an
unsafe move. Here's what I'm going to do. Okay, I'm going to take action and I'm going to protect myself as opposed to just getting anxious. And then all of a sudden you lock up and you don't know what to do. And then Elaine, who used to be scared of highways, now all of a sudden feels much more comfortable. I can get on a highway and that's the best and fastest route to where I'm going to go. So I don't need to take all these side streets and add 30 minutes onto my drive.
Then there's heavy traffic and it doesn't bother me or make me uncomfortable or I can drive over a freeway overpass and it doesn't make me feel claustrophobic or trapped all of a sudden now all the roadways now feel much more comfortable and you feel more confident that you can handle any problem that arises when you're there. And it's not just about driving. She experiences emotional relief in other areas. So in her relationships, she's less irritable at home.
Maybe she's more open to traveling and just overall more engaged in daily life. Because remember, it's not necessarily the memory that we are really targeting. It's the belief behind that memory. So for her, I'm in danger. If she ever felt I'm in danger in different areas, even emotionally in danger, She may have walled up or closed down to protect herself. But as you were processing the accident, it could have also touched on that
emotional endangerment and caused her to feel more comfortable in relationships. Right. Because when you think about it, that negative belief of I'm in danger isn't just going to be insulated to being in cars, but it can get more diffuse and go into other areas where it's a new person. I don't know them. I don't feel safe. I feel in danger. Or even people you do know that they might be exhibiting a behavior that you're used to and never made you uncomfortable before.
But now all of a sudden, oh, that makes me very uncomfortable and I feel anxious now. But once you've gone through that process, all those additional peripheral anxieties can also subside as well. And that's the beauty of addressing the trauma head-on with EMDR. Even though it was just one accident, the emotional fallout was controlling her life. And so processing it doesn't just change that one area, but it changes everything.
So if Elaine's story is resonating with you at all, maybe not just with the car accident, but with some other incident that might have made you feel similar, you would definitely want to consider seeking professional help. It's something that you can just kind of shoulder through if you want to, but why shoulder through it when there actually is a resolution that you can come to? And if you'd like to work with Ruth or I, we have a link in our description
below where you can set up a consultation. We can talk to you a little bit more about your specific situation, or if you'd like to set up an appointment, there's also a link where you can do that. Another thing you may also want to do is trying to practice some calming techniques. So some breathing or grounding exercises that you can do either before you get into the car or while you're in the car if somebody else is driving to help you manage that level of discomfort.
You can also take some time and do some journaling about the event and just write down your experience and write down your physical body sensations or the emotions that you're experiencing while you are journaling about it. And then finally, you want to celebrate some small wins.
So if you hadn't been able to get into a car and you were able to get into a car, even though you might have felt very anxious while you were in it, as long as you were able to make steps towards healing and make steps towards what your end goal is, you don't want to minimize those and be like, well, I used to get in a car before and it was never a problem. You want to celebrate that win. Man, I couldn't get in a car and I got in one.
It was a rough experience. But man, I'm glad I was able to get in versus not being able to get in. All right, guys, we hope Elaine's story of the car accident and recovering from that single incident trauma was helpful to you. And then in our next episode, we're going to get something that's not quite so simple. We're going to get into some complex trauma. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, your mind is a powerful thing. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Mr. and Mrs.
Therapy. We hope that you enjoyed today's episode and found it helpful. If so, would you take 30 seconds and share it with a friend? Also, we'd love for you to leave us a review on Apple Podcast. It lights us up to know that this podcast is helping you. If you have any questions or a topic you'd like discussed in future episodes, visit our Facebook group. Just click the link in the description below.
Although we are mental health providers, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. If you are struggling with persistent mental health issues, chronic marital issues, or feeling hopeless or suicidal, you are not alone. Help is available. Please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988. Thank you again for joining us on Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. Remember, there's always hope and there's always help. Music.