Welcome to Mortgage Talk with Mark Harriston, the program that not only talks about mortgages, taxes, and interest rates, but Mark and his guest talk real estate trends and your home. He also answers your mortgage questions to help you make the right financing or refinancing decisions.
Now here's Mark Hairston.
Happy to everybody, and welcome back to Mortgage Talk with Mark. And today we are not talking about the mortgage business on certain levels. On certainly we're going to because I'm going to talk about some personal experiences in my business relative to this conversation today. And I'm with a good friend of mine. I've known Scott probably fifteen years, maybe maybe a little bit longer. I've done some personal coaching
with him, and he's extraordinary man. As a matter of fact, I wrote down four things that I know Scott to be. Uh oh yeah. A speaker and a keynote speaker as well for corporations. He's also a coach, either group coaching or personal coaching for business leaders. Primarily, he's an evangelist and past true and finally he's an author of a book that we're going to dig into a lot called Can I trust you. The silent question. Everyone in business at asking. It's very true, the silent question. It's a
very deep conversation today we're going to have. So I want torod my buddy Scott, Scott Carly and kind of tell us your background and what you want to share with us.
Well, thanks, Mark Man. It's great to be here. And yes, we have known each other a long time. I had a lot of friendship, a lot of laughs. Oh yeah, yeah, I remember.
It was also funny.
Yeah, I remember when you were in one of my niche networking group classes and we just we had a great time. So it's good to be here today. Yeah. My background is a theology. All my formal training is in theology. In my twenties, I was an evangelist.
Did you go to Bible College?
I did. I went to a private college in Houston, another private college in Stockton, California. And after I left college there, I became a youth pastor in La Then I became a youth astor in central Louisiana. Married a girl, a girl from my home church, and then we started traveling as an evangelist, which means.
We went bear of good news, the bear.
Of good news. We went to church to church around the country, and over the ten years that I did that, I went to forty seven states. Wow, and you know, preach for ten years. But I've it became real obvious that I was good at helping churches and their leadership teams and their organizational staff and develop outreach programs. So that's really what I built my reputation around.
Awesome. Awesome. Now the book itself. I don't know if you've written other books, but this is a very interesting book called Can I Trust You? Because this is on the back of everybody's mind in business and personal relationships and dating, you know, So break down a little bit for us why you wrote the book and why is it so important to everybody to kind of understand.
Yeah, trust is a big deal. And over a period of time, I just became more and more aware of this fog thing called trust, but I didn't really know how to put my finger on it. And I read some great books that really helped me to understand it. But one of the things that I couldn't find anybody had was a way to score trust. You know, I trust you or I don't trust you. Is it a yes or a no? Or is there a gradient? And somewhere along the way I started thinking about the FIKA financial.
Score that we use in the mortgage space.
That's right, we all have a fight. Yeah, if you go to your credit card and look at it, it'll say you know what your your Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right. And and the idea is it scores you on six or seven different areas. And when when trust is high, when you're when your fight A credit score is high, then doors open, they'll loan your money. Things happen, you get lower rates on all kinds of stuff, more credits.
That's right, that's right. But when when your fight A score goes down because it's got some glitches in it. Did you miss some payments so you're you don't have enough cash on hand or whatever, then it goes down, and so your opportunities go down as well. Well. Trust is the same way. You know, when when you have a strong trust credit score, then doors open for you. People welcome you in and they want to bargain with you,
they want to do business with you. But when you get glitches in your trust, then your score goes down. People start ghosting you, they're not picking up the phone, anymore that I don't want to talk with you. They're distancing themselves. So I figured out the five different areas where trust is scored.
Yeah, five different areas.
Five different areas where trust is scored. And most of the time when people are scoring you, it's unconscious. They're not even thinking about it.
I'm feeling it, but they can't put a finger that's.
Right, And I help people to put a finger on love that.
I love that. And we were talking before the show. I was remember a speaker one time. So you know, there's different levels of trust. As an example, you may trust a friend or even a relative, you know, to house sits your home while you're on vacation or whatever and watch your dogs and walk the dogs, and you can trust them to do that. But you're not going to trust them to manage your money. Okay, You're going to trust somebody else most likely to do that. So it depends on the situation too.
And that's why there's five different areas of trust. Because you're right, it's not a blanket thing. I trust you with anything and everything. Anybody who says that is not really thinking that through. That's when they haven't had that experience.
And you mentioned a minute ago. Also the economic factor. You know, the teams and business as an example, or you know, most always have on some level of team or assistance or something. And as long as we're our capabilities and we produce results, it really builds trust up. But once that trust is broken, it's kind of hard to get it back.
Oh yeah, I mean right now, if you started thinking about it. You you know, where you work, you may have somebody who you know, you've asked them for the last three weeks to get a report done, they still don't have it back to you. Well, if you've got a high steak client and a high stake project and you really need to get things done and this person
is not delivering, you're going to replace them. You're gonna get somebody else to do that because you need to have elite high trust with that person that they will get those reports out and keep the speed of business flowing fast.
Yeah. Amen. Amen. So you mentioned the five type Do you say five types of trust or the Clive categories?
I call it about five signals or categories of trust, and they're let's explore that. Yeah, they're really simple. The first one is you know your vibe, body, language and how you show up. When you walk in the door, you bring a vibe with you and it's by your appearance and your attitude. Fifty five it's of humor, your smile. I mean, just by walking in with a smile, you can change the energy of a room. Fifty five percent
of our communication is body language. I mean, how you address, how you're standing everything, You're sending me a signal, yeah, a good one, or about it?
That's interesting, Yeah, go ahead.
The second one is your motives, your motives and intentions, and you know very quickly based on behavior, not always just what you say, but I'm watching your behavior, and your behavior is going to tell me about your intentions, your motives. You know, why are we here? What are you really trying to get from me? And in sales, that's a big deal. In sales, there's a funny term we use called commission breath.
That's right, that's right.
And commission breath is when people pick up immediately you don't care about me. All you want is the commission and whatever you have to say or do well that drops your trust credits go down way low.
Yeah, And I want to hit on that just for a minute, because I know, a lot of your background has been in networking, professional networking. Yeah, you know, and when I meet somebody myself too. I've been to a lot of those events, if you will, and you can kind of tell pretty quick what somebody's intent is, yeah, you know, because they're trying to push something on you or without being curious. I think it's more important to be curious about the other person than about what we're about.
That's absolutely correct and a great way to demonstrate good intentions are to be interested. Yeah, and when you come into a conversation and you're interested in you know, some salespeople call that doing discovery and just finding out what's going on and just be interested in a person something personal, then your trust credit score goes up and their defenses come down, right.
Most more comfortable. So what's the third one?
Well, the third one has to do with your morals and values. And so you know, we have we have a moral compass and our integrity, do we walk our talk? Are we on the same page about what we think is right or wrong? And it's just the truth that if if you and I don't have the same values and morals, uh, we don't have to have exactly the same, but we're not going to walk together very well if you if you have and so people are people are scoring that, and I like to use the term scoring it,
not judging it. They're just scoring where your values are compared to our values.
When you say they're scoring it, is there actually a number associated with that?
Yeah? On the Trust Credit score. You know, if you buy the book, you're going to see a trust credit score, And in it, I recommend that you you score people on a scale of one to ten in each of those five areas, one being I don't trust you at all. Run ten. I have watched you for quite a while and your behavior, work with you or worked with you for a while, you live with you? Yeah, yeah, and ten ten is high? You know I do trust you. Now,
it's important to remember that trust is fluids. It doesn't It's not like you've scored once and it's that way forever, because our behavior can change our score. So you score people in all those five areas, and then you total them divide by five. Now, just like a fight a score. I have a trust credit score.
Yeah, but you I think you would recommend that you score yourself first.
Well, I think that it's important to be self aware.
Yeah, what I would call self trust. Yeah, I trust myself.
Yeah, and just see what signals you're sending out.
Yeah, exactly.
And it's not a bad idea. Not don't use a family member, but maybe use somebody you work with that at least kind of likes you and say score me.
This is huge, this is there. It was going to be yeah. Yeah, But you know, I think it's people mature and maybe get older and mature, have gone through a lot of life. Their their score can change. Obviously of course, because their integrity position may have changed. They relate to people in a more loving way, possibly a more caring way.
Well, can I talk about that a little bit?
Absolutely.
So you know, I mentioned to you that I was an evangelist and then I was a pastor for ten years, built a great church in the Panhandle of Texas, built a thirteen thousand, yeah squarefoot worship facility. I mean, we were doing great, and I had a huge trust credit score around the country with churches and.
People, and you're the lead pastor there.
I was the lead pastor there, and so it's great, But I let a relationship with a staff member crossed the line and I went too far, and man, it was. It was terrible. And and after just a few weeks, I went to my wife and told her I crossed the line. She freaked out. And then I went to my church board told them about it, and they accepted my resignation. And then my denomination took my license away
as a pastor. Wow, And as a minister. There's no restoration process in that denomination, pretty conservative, none, none, And so I submitted myself, really, but I submitted myself to
five pastors around the country to do some restoration. And here's what's cool, Mark, Because I had such a high trust credit score before that incident, a megachurch in central Louisiana brought me in into a non minister or position and an over a period of two years, helped to restore me and my family and try to get us back together. And it was it was incredible. But because of that too, oh that's the understatement. Eventually I had to get into the business world because in the ministry
there just wasn't much opportunity in a full time position. Yeah, So I had to start all over in a city Austin, Texas where nobody knew me and build a business. So I know what it's like to build trust from the ground floor up. And today I'm known all over Austin as a change energizer and now all over the country as a change energizer. And I've helped people to rebuild that trust. And that's what that's why I wrote the book, because if you're in business or not, trust is the
gatekeeper of everything you do. It's powerful.
Yeah, not to go into detail, obviously, but tell us a little bit more about what you learned about rebuilding trust possibly, or the restoration or relationships with others possibly, or are just in general about this huge subject of trust. Yeah, because it's such a people to use words like trust or love, you know, and but they don't. It's too loose, you know, it's a very very deep conversation.
It is loose. And that's why there's five categories, five areas. Two that we didn't mention. One was your expertise, your skill set, what you're you're trained in, what you have knowledge in, you you're you're certified in. And then the last one is your track record. You know, can you actually do it? You know, just talk about it, but you actually do it, walk the walk. Yeah. So in in rebuilding what I call fractured or broken trust, and we call that trust rehab. Uh, you you just have
to It is behavior, you know. Covey in his book The Speed of Trust says, you can't talk yourself out of a problem that you have behaved yourself into, but you can behave yourself back into trust, and often faster than you think. Well, my my primary concern my my wife and I didn't make it okay and the divorce we we got, we went through a divorce and to this day she has not recovered. And some of that, you know, after twenty five years, falls off of it
being my responsibility. Now that's her responsibility, that's right. But my kids were very important to me, and so I worked very proactive in my relationship with them to rebuild trust. And I believe that I was successful. We have a great relationship good to this day.
Good.
You know. So it's it's something but something you have to work at and it it is a long process. Brick by brick man, Yeah, brick by brick. And because of something like what I did, I have to make sure that there's nothing that they ever see or that I do that makes them wonder what's dead?
Up to right, that's right. Well, and that's that brings up a point And I was just thinking about this while you were speaking. Is part of that trust building, at least initially. And I've known you a long time, but I trust you more now because as you were transparent with me. You know, transparency is part of that. Yeah, you don't got to tell your whole story to everybody, but you're on the radio man. Yeah, so that's a
pretty big transparent position right there. I appreciate that. Yeah, it takes a lot of courage.
Well, it wasn't easy to do that, and I don't know, maybe a year or so ago, the bandage got ripped off of that, and it just made me realize that I need to find a way to share my story without making, you know, anybody feel bad about it. That was on the other end of that. And so that's what I've tried to do. I want to I want to say, you know, to deal with Christians. You know, I'm I'm a very devoted Christian. I'm in church every week,
i have home groups at my house. I'm known for all of that, and I had to rebuild that trust. But Christians aren't perfect. Christians make mistakes. They make mistakes in big ways. And I remember an old saying church is not a museum for saying, it's a hospital for sinners.
Amen.
And we all, we all have a fluid area of how well we do thank goodness for the grace of God.
She absolutely, Yeah, So let's move into the Christian community around this conversation, you know, because what should Christian how should we kind of know what we should be doing? But how do Christians respond when trust is broken, either in a relationship like a marriage or the church leadership or whatever.
Yeah, that's a that's a great question.
I'll give you an example. Okay, I'm Catholic, and we've had a lot of scandal in the Catholic church, you know, and a lot of people have left because they're because of the sins you know, of the church. So it's been a big problem with that in my denomination too. But share what you know about that, not that but you.
Know, yeah, yeah, sure, Well with any person, whether it's your family, your church, whatever it is. As Christians, you know, there are times when people are going to break covenant with you or or they're gonna do they're gonna have a behavior. There's just wrong, and it could be lying, it could be stealing, it could be pornography, it could be a relationship with somebody that they shouldn't have. And
one of the things that Christ teaches is repentance. And repentance means where you know, first John one to nine, if we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanses from all unrighteousness. So there's a kind of a process that has to go there. Number one, you have to confess it. You have to own up to it. I did this, it was wrong.
I take full responsibility for it. So that's huge if you want the church to, you know, bring you back in and you want to accept that that that has to happen. But then repentance is and I won't do it again. And the part of I won't do it again sometimes requires accountability. Sure, where there are people that you hold yourself accountable to and whether it's you know, if you feel like alcohol is a bad thing or you feel like that you know something else is, then
find people who can keep you accountable. I mean drug rehab and all of that. It's not that you haven't been forgiven, but now you have to let you have to get control over those things and said, instead of those things having control over you. Doesn't matter what you what you're doing, what you are. So as a Christian community, I think it's important for us to forgive. But it's
also chances, second chances. But it's important for people to know everybody is still watching your track record and you just you have to get control over those things instead of them having control over you.
Yeah. I came across a scripture of Isaiah forty three, eighteen nineteen says, forget the former things do not dwell in the past. I am doing a new thing. Yeah, you know, so people can be redeemed and change. Yeah, let's face it. And in business too. You know, it's not just in the church communities, and it's across the board. Oh yeah, but this question you're a asking this book, you know, can I trust you? Is sort of is subliminal. I mean, we were thinking about it all the time.
And people are asking that question consciously or unconsciously, mostly unconsciously, and they you know, but but in their mind, and they're looking for the signals, those five signals to let them know, you know, I think I trust him?
Yeah, and repeat those real quick for us again. The five.
So the first one, yeah, the first one is your your body language and and you show up. The second one is your intentions and motives. And you know what, why do you break that?
How do you see that? How do you see somebody's intentions?
Well, it's like that commission breath, and you know what, what are their real intentions here? Are they really interested in me and helping me and getting what we need to do or or is it something else? Yeah?
Is it a win win or is it a win lose win win?
Yeah? Is it a win win, Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. Yeah. The third one is about your values, your integrity. You know, do you walk your talk? Are you do we share the same core values? And do you even have core values? The next one is your skill set, your expertise. Show me where you've got some kind of certification, some kind of qualification for what you tell us you can do. And then the last one is your track record, show me receipts, show
me where you've actually done this repeatedly. And I was looking over somebody's LinkedIn profile the other day and I was checking to see how often they were jumping jobs. Ah, and so if I see, if I look down through your LinkedIn and I see that every six months you're jumping to a new job, it doesn't look good because that tells me that you're not consistent. You your track record is all over the place. I need you to be somewhere for a while, right.
I just closed alone for a young lady, and she had some good reasons. But she had four jobs in the last two years, and we look at a two year look back, So the underwriters really want to get a good exploitation. You know, why are you jumping jobs? You know, for better pay or for a location. There are a couple of reasons we close alone, but she still had to go through an examination around.
You have to be willing for people to ask questions. And when you won't let people ask questions, that's a problem. Trust goes down quickly. Yeahs.
Matter of fact, I was telling you before the show, I had some heart procedure done back in May because I was an aphib My heart was an aphib and then and I was recommended to this surgeon who specializes this this procedure, you know. And I didn't know him, but he was highly recommended by my cardiologist. So I was, I just said, you know what, what is your experience doing this? He said, well, Mark, this clinic, this group
highly record. You know, Holler recruited me down Daust. I've only been here six months, but but I've been doing this for twenty years, about fifteen times a week, and this is all I do. So I said, you're hired.
It's working.
Amen, halleluja. So, uh tell us how we're going to wrap this conversation up. Where do you want to leave us within a few minutes. Yeah.
Trust is a big deal. And if you see trust lectured in a relationship in a business situation, be proactive about finding ways to rebuild trust. And sometimes you can ask questions about the some areas where you feel like trust may be fractured, but work on it, be proactive about it. Of course, I'm going to tell you buy my book so that you can see what it's all about.
Trust You by Scott Carly. Buy the book.
Yeah, yeah, I assume that's right Amazon Kindle. It's on Kendle.
Now about how about audible it's not an audible yeah, I want Scott to read it to you.
Yeah, from my DJ voice. And then the other thing you can do. There is a change energizer hot seat podcast and if you go do that and you will hear professionals every couple of weeks, get the questions, ask them about trust and how they answer those. So just start doing some discovery to find out the silent questions people are asking about whether or not they can trust you.
Yeah, that's cool, that's cool. And you talk about thirds thinking about what's dragging things down, like ghosting, you know, shutting down communication.
Oh, read those off. Read all five of those off. These are the five things really that.
Drag trust down. Yeah, what you can refer to as ghosting, flaking on promises. Let me read the caption part.
Yeah, so well just ghosting. I mean when you're.
Shutting down communication. Transparency. We talked about transparency.
Oh yeah, if you're if you're not communicating, no news is bad news. Yeah, because when people not hearing back from you, they don't assume the best, They assume the worst. We just built a house, and our superintendent and the person who sold us the house. Every Thursday at one thirty, we had about a fifteen minute call with them and they they just told us detail about what was happening that week and what was stalled, what was moving ahead,
and so we had trying to very that's right. We had very high trust through the whole procedures and it was great.
Yeah, and you're happy with the product, Oh.
Definitely, very happy.
Good. Flaking on promises keeping your word an example, are not keeping your work?
Yeah? Have you promised to do something? You know, we make verbal commitments all the time. Don't make a verbal commitment if you don't plan to keep it, you know, just don't say it. Flaking on promises is bad.
Throwing shade. Gossiping, Oh man, humans are big on that, aren't they.
So here's what I'm going to tell you about gossiping. People who gossip to you are gossiping about you.
Yeah, that's a great point.
You better watch out.
Trust.
Oh I will not some things I just won't talk about.
Dodging responsibility, Oh man, come on, just get up.
Quit dodging it and giving me excuses.
Yeah, just do the work.
Just do the work.
And finally, plain favorites giving special treatment to others.
Oh yeah, I mean that that didn't go over well? No, try that with parenting. See how it works, right, It doesn't go over right? Right?
Well, we've will only got a few seconds left. Besides by the book any other last minute recommendations.
I just think it's important to look in the mirror, yeah, and say am I trustworthy?
Yeah? And an examination of conscious is what we call it. Yeah. In my little world, you know, every day kind of look back, what did I do right? Do what could have done better?
Yeah? And hang out with high trust people Yeah, because you'll pick up their habits.
Yeah. Amen. Amen. All right, Well listen, brother, it's been great to be with you. We may have to do this again to get a little deeper, but we only had a few minutes, so I appreciate you coming by.
Yeah, thank you very much. Mark. This has been great, all.
Right, Scott, always a pleasure.
This has been Mortgage Talk with Mark Hairston. Mark is a mortgage advocate with the Texas Mortgage Source LLC, offering personalized mortgage solutions, fast customized quotes, great rates and service with integrity. Contact Mark at Markhirston dot com. Mark Hairston dot com. You can call our text Mark at five one two seven eight nine sixty nine sixty seven. That's five one two seven eight nine sixty nine sixty seven and come back next week for more mortgage talk.