I'm an on time Latino. I think only because my dad was like, and he would talk about it a lot, like, we're not We're not gonna be one of those Latinos. We're gonna show up on time.
I am an on time Latino because I had friends, and I've told you this before, I've had I had friends sit me down once at dinner and they were like, you cannot be fucking late anymore.
Oh my godate.
It was in New York and I was an hour late for dinner and they were like, you can't be late anymore. We're not gonna invite you anywhere anymore. And I was like, oh shit, oh my god.
Okay. I was like, oh okay, oh.
More more and more, better, better, more, a little bit more better, more, Welcome to more better a podcast, or we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming a little.
More every day, or at least trying to. That's most of Fumero, and that's Stephanie Beatrice. Welcome back to the show. Hi guys, what's up? What what have you done lately? That's a little more better? Oh what's have done? That's a little mobid I've been trying to get more better about walking and like steps, it's really hard, you guys. I know. There are days where like it goes really well just because I'm like doing shit around the house and I'm like on the go and like happened to be on
my feet more. But then like days like today, like I'm sitting here recording a podcast, or like yesterday, I was sitting on my couch reading scripts and then I was like, okay, let me walk the dog to like get a walk in, and like write, my step count was still low, so like it's okay, I know, And I think that's why I want to say it too, because it's like to really get like close to ten thousand steps you need to walk for like you need to take like an hour plus walk every day, and
like body has the time to not everybody has the time, or sometimes you want to use that free hour to like wait, lift or do a workout and like something else. Yeah, something else. So I'm trying not to get down on myself about it, and I don't want anyone else to get down on their cells about it, yeow, even if it just like a fifteen minute walk with the dog, you know, before I go pick up the kids or
right after I pick up the kids. Like I'm like, whatever, it's something like it's a little something, just I'm trying to like lower the the pressure on myself, you know what I mean, Because I think when I started, I was like, it's going to be a forty minute walk forty five ye walk every day, and I was like, this is really that hard. I can't fit this endto the day. So now I'm like, you know what, fifteen minutes counts. Like you heard like these women's call it.
There was a culty like workout that I was doing for a while and they would call out your booty call and you had to take a walk every morning before you ate anything, and like you had to like walk around the neighborhood for X amount of minutes or whatever.
Cool, Dan you you can do that, but like who lives that life.
I don't get children dressed out the door for this is what I'm saying. You have to wake up super early to be able to do that, right, And then I.
Had fifteen minutes in the morning to sit and drink coffee before I'm fucking or or like if I want more time, we're waking up at six am. Like we're waking up at six thirty, and I take fifteen or twenty minutes to sit down and want like drink coffee and like check my email, and then it's like off to the fucking races, races, snacks, lunch, water bottles, hoodies, chromebook in your backpack, it's a movie. Fucking brush your teeth, you know. Yeah, stop playing with the Rubik's cube, get dressed,
like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's hectic. Man.
Liked adding onto that internalized pressure to you know, get to some number every day.
I don't know.
If it serves you, that's great. But if it's like, hey, I'm aware of this and I'm not not.
And I'm being kind to myself about it, that's a I'm trying to be more better. I'm kind to myself about that. Yeah, that's great. How about you? What are you doing lately? Bitch? I steamed all my shirts. Oh my god, that is such a big one.
Girl.
I bought one of those. Okay, have you ever seen like.
On TV if you're watching a show where like they're getting styling or whatever, and they have those giant steamers with like the big stand and the yeah, the like I've bought myself one of those as a present. I bought myself a motherfucking steamer as a gift to myself. I was like, fucking by this fancy steamer, and does that ship work in good? Oh my god, you can I burn. I did burn my hand.
I'm learning.
You can hang the clothes on the steamer, like you can get a shirt on the steamer, and like I just listened to a podcast and steams like thirty shirts.
I was like, I'm in heaven. I can wear any you know.
Like I do this thing where I wash my clothes, I dry them. A lot of my clothes are hanging dry because I wear a lot of vintage and they're in the closet and they're all wrinkles. So then when I go to get dressed, I'm wearing the same fucking five shirts because everything is wrinkled.
So I fucking see my shit. Yes, yes, Or it's like the most frustrating thing is like you're running a little late and you're trying to get dressed quickly and you have an outfit idea in your mind and you go to grab it and it's fucking wrinkled, and you're like shit, and then you're trying to do the math of like do I have enough time? And like I have a pretty good handheld steamer, but like that shit takes a long time, like it doesn't always do the job.
But I mean you talking about like getting the for real steamer. I'm like literally looking around the room, like do I have room? Could I get one? Yes?
You do. It's life changing and it has a roller like it's on wheels. I wield it from my eyes, stick it in my office in the corner, and I wheeled it into my closet and I listened to a podcast for thirty minutes and I got through so many shirts.
I was like shocked, And now I can wear them all. Oh, I know you can wear them because that's my more better. They're seeing they're crispy. They're crispy bitches. That's a good one. More better. What are we talking about today, Melissa? We are talking about getting more better at making plans? My fave. I love making plans. You I love making plans.
Tell me I miss I do miss the spontaneity of you know, in New York, I feel like you're always running into people and that was something fun that would happen, like because you're on that little island or even in Brooklyn or Queens, you see people here. It's less likely unless you start community building in your own community in
LA and then you run into people and that's fun. Yes, but I love meet me at X for lunch at one point thirty on Tuesday the twenty seventh, Delicious put it in my calendar.
I love it.
Now I will over book myself and that's something that I'm working on as a person.
Yes, but I love making plans. I love it. I already told you when my Christmas party was, I was like, save the day you did. I was so impressed. I think for me, I am the opposite. I don't mind
making plans. But I think one being in this job where it's so hard to like plan ahead, you know, like people like you know, like you, I mean, yours is different because it's December and we almost always know that, like we're probably not going to be working close to Christmas, right, but like people will be like, I'm having a party in three months, and I'm like, I if I'm here, yes, I'll be there. Like it's hard to commit to things. So I think that's just like deeply ingrained in me,
and I get like nervousness around plans. And then the other part is, like you said, living in New York for so long, we never made fucking plans like we occasionally did. But even those bigger plans, like we're all like everybody meet at our police and we're going to go to dinner and then we're gonna like we got a reservation and we're gonna go to the club. After
that was still like week of plans. And most of the time our plans were just like, oh, let's walk to this restaurant and like see if so and so is around, or somebody calling you and being like I'm in your neighborhood. Can I stop by? Like our friends used to stop by our apartment all the time, and I just hold hold on and back up to like that we're going to go to the club. Then we're gonna tell you about like when we were I would
like live in New York in my twenties. My god, the clur but cre those were like those were nights. Well I brought that up because those were nights, those were a special night. We didn't go to the club all the time, so when we did do a club night, and it was usually with a group of people. It was a little bit more planned because also my bougie husband hates waiting online, so we only went to clubs
that we knew we could get right in. So it was like those working this weekend or so and so knows the bouncer or whatever, and yeah, yeah, so uh those husband also hates waiting online. He hates it, hates it in line, in line.
For those of you that didn't spend any time in New York. Ever, for some reason, New Yorkers say waiting online instead of inline.
Oh, I don't know why is that a New York thing. I think it's a New York thing. Yeah, I'm waiting online.
Like you would never say, like, oh, you in the Midwestern, not like I'm waiting in line. You're like, I'm waiting in line at Starbucks. No, I'm waiting online at Starbucks.
Waiting online. Yeah yeah, yeah, I guess not a Starbucks ad. But Starbucks talk to us if you want to sponsor us. So yeah. So then moving to LA I felt like it was a big transition for us, like and having the realization of, like, oh, if we want to have more of a social life, we need to make some plans, like if we want to see our friends, we need to put it in the books, and you have to put it in the calendar. You have to you have
to put it in the calendar. And it's uh, it's not always like my go to I also like I will also have the tendency to overbook myself sometimes and then you know, there's no worse feeling than like it's the day of the thing and you're like, I'm fucking exhausted and now I have to like muster up the energy to go to this thing.
Mm hmm.
And but sometimes like you do just have to show up, like depending on what it is, right, because you want to be a good friend, or you're supporting someone or you're supporting your unity. When it's not that, when it's like a dinner and you're like I can't today, I'm like, I'm so sorry. Sometimes that's okay.
I do think that showing up for plans with friends, for example, I mean we're specifically really kind of talking about like.
Socializing, right, Like I think right.
Social plans are very important to me because if I don't plan it, I don't have friends. And that's something that like, I'm not good at texting.
I'm not.
I'm not on social media like all the time because I took it off my phone.
I'll be back on, I'm sure.
Guys like I don't message over Instagram, and I think that's how a lot of people message lately, and so like if I don't reach out and try to figure something out, we're never gonna see each other, you know what I mean. So, like it's important, Like we have a small group of friends, you and I who like we plan a dinner and that dinner is prioritized and it's usually every four or five months, but we prioritize that dinner because otherwise we won't see those people.
And yeah, it's important, you know. Yeah, I agree, I agree, it's true. I'm also not. I mean, I guess I
am a text I try. I have a lot of long distance close friends, so we do try to schedule like phone calls because otherwise, like it's too much time and then you're like don't know what's going on with the person, and oh my god, yeah, and it's like like it makes me really sad, like and I only you know, that's only like four people, like four people really that I have that with But yeah, you're right, Like, if I don't make friend plans or social plans, like
I won't see anyone. I think because of the name Ture of La too, and the way the city is and it's not a walking city, and it's everything is so spread out, and like, yeah, I'll only see like the few neighbors that I'm friends with, right Like, but that.
Friends, Like, that's a lot of places, right Like, that's a lot. A lot of cities in the United States are built like their car cities. There are a few cities that are walking cities, but a lot of cities and neighborhoods and suburbs are built so that you have to get in your car to go places. And I think, I think practicing making plans is you know, my my social calendar.
I mean, I'm not going to show you my phone because it's over there and I don't want to get up.
But on my calendar, like everything's color coded and this stuff that's like for fun, I color code in a certain color so that when I open the calendar and I can look at it and I'm like, oh, okay, there's fun stuff coming up for me. Oh that's a good idea. But everything is blocked off. And not everything.
I'm not cuckoo boots.
But I blocked stuff off because if I don't like and now I'm talking about work stuff too, like I've had I've had double bookings in the past where I booked myself for this thing, and then I also had like, for example.
Oh my gosh, I just got like small level of panic as you yes, at.
I did two jobs, Like I double booked two jobs. One time I missed a job. This was before I was like using my Google calendar. I was like so devastated and mad at myself, so mad at myself, and then I realized I just needed to start, even if I didn't have like the time yet, Like when I got the email that was like it's probably going to be on this day roughly this time, I would block
that off immediately in my calendar. Yes, because and I did this, you know, this is something that I still have to work on.
I did this the other day. Remember we were on the phone and I was like, I audition right now.
It sucked and it was for a project that I really wanted to and like they were texting me, I was on the phone with you and they were texting me like, hey, where are you, Like you're supposed to be here, and I just didn't read the email closely close read your emails, guys.
Like I just had the wrong time. I had the wrong time. It was at like noon and you thought it was at one.
I just like it was so And then I you know, jumped on the audition and I was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna do it with no makeup and whatever.
And it was fine. I haven't heard anything, but like so you know, probably it's gonna be a no.
But I mean I think stuff like that is just a good I mean, that's side note. That's personal growth for me because five years ago, even three years ago, I would have been beating myself up for that so bad. And I'm like, you're so stupid, so.
Dumb, fucked up, like I had like this job or.
Whatever, and it's like, you know what, this happens, and it happens. Yeah, it really did suck.
It sucks. It's also like, you know, when you're in more of a career that's freelance based like ours, where you're in different places for different times, for different things all the time, and you have kids and you have a spouse and you have friends. Like I say, my calendar is color coded, although I really like the idea of having a color for fun stuff and I think
I'm going to start doing that. But we started doing a family calendar a couple of years ago, and it was life changing for us because we all, like David's also an actor, and so like we put everything in the calendar. Doctor's appointments, when we're working, how long we're working. You know, he's about to do an episode of the Pit. So he was taking a long time to put his days into this. And I was like, put it in the calendar. Put in the calendar. Yeah, I need your
days on the calendar. Yeah, put it in the calendar. You gotta put it in. And I found a conflict like right away, and I was like shit, and you have the school calendars in there. That was what I found. I was like, shit, this is a noon dismissal day, damn it. Yeah.
Yeah, but it's important, and it's like, you know, even just by us talking about this right now, I'm hopeful that somebody is listening to this going like oh shit, like maybe we could use a family calendar.
Maybe we could like a family calend Everything on our phones a huge huge if you're a family and you're not using a family calendar, like it's huge. It's like, yeah, it's huge, it's huge. It's a big, big change. I like, we we were getting like like annoyed with each other so many times for like not knowing, well I didn't know that you had that, you know what I mean. And I was like, like, just every literally everything goes
in the calendar. Yeah, lunch with someone goes in the family calendar, like so like everything, yes, because like and here's the other thing.
After that audition, after that audition that I fucked up the timing, I invited my agent's assistance to my calendar because I was like, that's smart. I don't need you guys to put things in here. But if I if you see that I have something, if you know that I've got an audition coming up, and you see it, conflict, just double check me. That's all Like more eyes on it.
I'm not expecting them to catch all my mistakes, but right, more eyes on it couldn't hurt, right, And now they also get a little peek into when.
I take bloodies more better, more better.
I think one of My least favorite things is the generalized sort of like, oh, we should hang out, which happens so often in LA and like.
Like the accepted tagline to the end of any conversations hang out, let's get coffee.
Don't say that that shit to me unless you are fucking serious, because I yes like people.
I want to make new friends.
So like, if you say that shit to me, I'm gonna follow up, and then I look like the dumb ass. It's like, hey, what's up? You know, Like, yeah, I don't say that shit to me.
I truly. Okay, I have a question for you. If you are the winning to say it, do you also think you should be the one to initiate it?
Not necessarily okay, because I think the saying let's hang out, let's hang out, let's get coffee, is an invitation to the other person to be like I would like to do that. Oh, so you feel like if you say it, it's more on the other person to initiate it.
Yes, the invitation has been given. Yeah, that's interesting. I kind of like that.
If I want to get like real, like you need to be more fruit, then I will straight up be like I would love to get coffee with you. Do you do you want to let me text you right now? And blah blah blah blah blah. Right, you know, like if I'm aggressive about it, I will be aggressive about it.
The problem is for me that.
Aggressiveness sometimes reads as a little bit needy, and then people who were like.
Ooh, I like you like you, cannot picture you giving off any needy vibes at all. I feel like I've never seen that color on you, and I don't know, I know I'm saying it like maybe it's your own insecurity about yourself. I don't know, I just really maybe. I mean, here's the thing, I have your social situation confident that I feel like I've been in social situations where I'm like, from you, I'm like, let's hang out, let's hang out, you know, give me your number and
I'll text you. And I text people and then I never hear from them, And yeah, what did I do? What did I say? What did I think? I like blaky? I think people are just blaky. Okay, maybe it's I try to be really good about not saying that unless I mean it. Yes, then I have been the reason I asked about how you view like who should initiate?
Is that then I haven't initiated because I've been like, well I said it, maybe they don't want to, Like I get in my head about it and then I don't do anything and then nothing happens, and then I feel like I'm one of those assholes that was like we should hang out and like didn't, so I should.
Change the way we I mean, I was just thinking we should hang out, right, Like our mutual friend Lena always says, you then you should all over yourself. Yeah, so maybe it's like I would love to hang out with you, because that's like a little more invitation, not like a generalized sort of right nothing statement. Yes, as opposed, it's very it's a very la quote unquote like thing to say let's hang out, as opposed to directly saying I would love to hang out with you sometime. Let's
get coffee or something. Yeah, you know, I don't know if that be more specific.
So it doesn't feel like the general because literally everyone says it in LA like. Now I'm so like cynical about it. When I hear it, I'm just like okay, now, you know.
I I.
Or I take it as like I guess I've gotten. Also, it depends on who it is, because I'm thinking about somebody that said it to me this past week and who I genuinely adore, and I do think they were going to try to hang out. Drop their name, call them out. But I it was Justina, Justina Machata. Oh yeah, and I but like so like when it's from someone like that, I'm like, oh, I know that she and I really mean it, and if it doesn't happen, it's not because we didn't want to, Like I don't. No, Yeah,
that's different because you're already friend. Like it's like almost like like it's the thought that counts, Like you know, the sentiment is there, right, whether it's of us, make it actually happen.
Because you're already friends and you see each other socially already. I think that's a different thing versus like someone that you don't know that well that you want to get to know better. Better, Yes, which is that does take more effort. I find that I aggressively will be like, let's get lunch on this, give me some dates that you're available, Like I did that to my friend the other day. I was like, give me some times that you can get lunch. And he was like, well, I'm
free on this day. And I was like one o'clock at joy, you know, like I was aggressive.
Yeah, you did that to me when I got back from Atlanta. But I loved it. It made me feel loved I loved it it. I do think it's like to see me that makes it feel good.
Not everybody will do it because everybody's busy, and we don't prioritize our friendships.
We oh, especially when we're.
Busy, Especially like if you're younger, if you're listening to this podcast and you're in your twenties, like you might prioritize your friendships more.
And that's great. That's a healthy way to be. Yeah, I think I'm building also, like a lot of your friendship's for life, hopefully exactly exactly.
So like as you get older, I think it becomes less of a priority, but is really important. I mean, when my mom moved to she lives half the year in La now and she lives half the year in Houston. She kind of goes back and forth, and when she moved here, one of her big priorities is making friends, and so she like joined a book club, she joined.
The gym near her.
She got a membership to the Huntington Gardens, Like she volunteers at her church, and part of that is like she was building a community here so that she knows that, like, well, on this day, I have yoga class and I'll see these ladies. And on this day I have book club and I'll see these people. This day I volunteer and I'll see these people. So like socializing is kind of built into her life because like that helps you.
I don't know it helps you.
I mean we have some nerd time stuff about that too, but like I do think like socializing and having plans keeps you active and your brain active in a way that I think can extend your life.
I mean, oh yeah, the other side, Yeah, how important like socializing and relationships are to like longevity, and like it's there's study after study, right.
Oh, but I do want to talk about this. The study that finds that the optimal amount of time to spend with friends what was it?
It was like an hour? It was an hour and forty five, no, forty nine minutes.
What if you came to my house to the Christmas party and then I kicked everybody out after hours?
But I have so many questions about how they arrived at this in this study, do you know what I mean? It was like they're looking right, so they're like looking at the minutes going, and then they're like conversation, they ran out of things to say. Now just fascinating, right, and like you know, and they're like clocking the time and they're averaging. But I think that that is also I think I hard disagree with it. I am like, I mean, I need a two hour hang. I need
a two hour hang at minimum. If you're a close friend. If you're like a close friend, you're like in one of my best friends just came over the other night and she came over. She was like saw that I was stressed out about some things, and she was like, I'm gonna come over on Tuesday night and I was like, great, I'll make dinner. And she was so right, like I needed friend time. I needed to like invent about this thing. And she was here for about two hours maybe two and a half. It was perfect.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was like I feel lighter, I feel so much better, Like thank you for coming over, like and seeing that I needed the top friend time and like you know, and she needed it too. She like text me the next day she was like, oh my god, I slept so good. I was like out by nine o'clock, like because I think I just like a lot of my stress was relieved and it was just great for both of us.
And I'm glad you like accepted it too, because I think sometimes it's hard to be like, oh, I don't know, my house is a mess, so like I'm do whatever, you know, Like for some people like get really caught up in that kind of stuff, like I can only have people over when the house is clean, or I can only do this when like but I had to cook dinner. It's like you can't just make plans with a friend that's like come over while I do this thing.
Oh yeah, come over and hang out while I you know, she has come.
Over both her when I was like, yeah, packing for like a family vacation. Yeah, just like laying on my bed while I like pas, yes, yes, you know, venting or bitch about whatever I need to.
Yes, those those are like spontaneous, Like it is great to make plans, but it's also like those spontaneous like you seem like you need time with me or I want to spend time with you and support you through this thing, right, and like that there has to be room for that too, Like you can't just plan your calendar and life to the nth degree and then be like, I don't know, there's no room for spontaneity.
That sucks. Yeah, yeah, like trying to have a little balance of both.
By the way, this yeah study, this one hour and forty nine minutes. I don't know how much I believe it because it was commissioned by a coffee company, Like, so you know, it was like your top bonding experiences coffee with friends, which is like, of course the fucking study says that shit.
Wait, like I do like having coffee handling canceling plans. Let's talk about canceling plans. Okay, I love say you love canceling plans? I deal, It is fun. Sometimes you just need to cancel. Sometimes you do need to cancel. Do you have a go to for canceling? Like do you do a little white lie? Do you tell the truth? Do you blame your kid? Do you more better? More better? I'm going to tell this story.
I was working on a project, and I prior to working on that project, this is this is related to making plans putting things in your calendar, right, Like I can be I overbook myself all the time, and I'll be like, yeah, I'll have the energy to do that.
I'm going to do that.
I'm going to do that because right I still and I'm working on it still. I come from a place of black I grew up not financially secure, and so as an adult, I'm constantly thinking like, well, let me just do that job so that I can make that money for my family. And yeah, there was a voiceover
that I said yes to. And I was also shooting a commercial and the commercial shoot was happening over the week, and the idea of doing this voiceover just was sitting like heavy on me, and I felt like I can't cancel. I'm gonna let everybody down. They're not gonna ask me to do it again. I'm like, I'm gonna look like a fucking fuck up. Like and I went to therapy and I talked about it with my therapists and she was like she didn't say do this or do that, but she was like, I encourage you to like do.
What you really feel.
And after I got out of therapy, I called my manager and I was like almost crying, but I kept.
It for fresh and I was like, hey, Bob.
I cannot do this today and I don't know how to get out of it, but like I feel really bad. I understand if they have to recast me, I just cannot. I do not have the bandwidth to do this today. I need this night for myself. Like I can't good for you, and that's really hard. You. It was hard, and I think I was looking for somebody to give permission to me, because immediately he was like, you work so hard.
You never do this kind of thing.
Like you when you cancel, it's because you have a good reason and that's okay, and you're tired and you need your energy and like, let me take.
Care of it for you. And in the end it was totally fine.
I was having anxiety about canceling for no reason because they rescheduled it and everybody.
Was cool with it and it was a really fun job.
When I ended up doing it, it's like, yeah, fine, oh it's fine, but like sometimes you just need to I don't want to be a flake and I would not call myself one, but I.
Think you're not. But you know that you're not, and you're not like he said, you never do this, so if you are doing it, it's like taken with good reason, like oh shit, she must really like and also everyone wants you to show up at your best, so you exactly the best performance you can so in the spirit of let's get the best version of the thing, you were protecting that and so I but it is really hard, and like I commend you for doing that. When it's a job, especially, it feels like.
Especially oh my god, because yeah, kill to have this job.
And here I am being like I can't do it. But that's a yeah lad mentality, right, like right, or that's like a shit on yourself mentality.
Yeah, yeah, I do think sometimes like last minute canceling. I've done it before, and sometimes it does feel really good because it's like a social event and yeah, I maybe kind of didn't want to go anyway, and I said yes, but I don't really want to get dressed, and I like, and then it just feels like so much work.
I'm so sorry I can't make it.
And then you're like snuggled up with your blanket watching yes delicious delicious, like so pleased with your fabulous, fabulous with your little mugga tea.
Sorry, and I don't.
I don't use my kid as an excuse very much. I did in the beginning because it was a real excuse because it was like, I can't bro like my brain is from.
Oh yeah, when they're like under the age of three, it's like not really a white lie, like you just when.
Your first kid wasn't sleeping, when Enzel wasn't sleeping, yeah yeah.
Two years. Yeah, and I just oh my god, I would cancel plans all the time because I would just be like, I'm so sorry, I'm tired, have the bandwidth. I'm like so freaking tired. I have not slept this whole week, like the baby, the baby. And then you know it sucks though, because you do like eventually stop getting invited to things. Yeah, that definitely happened to me
in the early years of Enzo. Like I stopped getting invited to certain social things, stop getting invited to certain work events because I said no for like a year plus, and then I will stop asking. Yeah, people will stop asking. And I was like, oh shit, like I gotta get I gotta get better at this. I gotta get back on this train. There's this really funny article that I just put in our nerd Time.
Oh yeah, nerd Time, The Nerd Time, Nerd Time, Nerd Time. That is.
About people who cancel plans last minute, like all the time, tend to have darker personality traits, including machia aviliate Wait, oh, this is hard to Machiaveliateavilianism, machiavellan Machiavelian machiavellianism when you get it right though, which is being manipulative or having a lack of morals and narcissism. Yeah. Yeah, Like they're like, tend to have some dark traits and then they list like the two darkest fucking personality traits.
I mean think about it though, Like if you're constantly canceling plans, like you're not thinking about anybody else but you.
You are very self absorbed. Yeah. I did. Like at first when I read the beginning of the article, I was like, oh man, But then as I read I was like, oh, no, I'm not this person, but I know people like this, and yeah, I'm pretty sure that they. I have questioned whether they're narcissists, given that at one point in time, we've all likely been the person to send a last minute sorry but something's come up text, Does that mean where all rotten to the core? Humans
who need deleting or rebooting? Thankfully not, The research explains, as of course, sometimes life will get in the way, will need to take the odd rain check. It's when canceling plans becomes a regular habit that it is Veer's into worrying territory. Yeah.
Yeah, you're finding yourself doing it more often than not.
I think you got to ask you.
I mean, honestly, that was one of the signs to me that I was really depressed because I was invited to a friend's engagement party and I was so excited for her, really excited to go. And the day of the engagement party came and I could not find anything to wear. I was in my closet having an anxiety attack about like a real anxiety attack about not a panic attack, but like an anxiety attack about yeah, can I wear to this person's party?
And I was like crying.
I was sitting I remember, I was sitting in the chair in our bedroom and I was like crying, and I was like, I feel so bad that we're not going to go, like she'd like asked for our RSVP and like it's not like this is a big deal. And I was like crying, crying, crying, and Brad was like, it's not that big of a deal, and I was like, Oh, something's wrong, something's off.
With me, right, Like yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like if you're constantly canceling plans and you're having these like anxiety reactions to having plans, there might be something deeper, and that might be like assigned to you to like reach out and get a little help or ask some friends or you.
Know, talk about it a little bit, like how can you.
Help yourself through it, whether that's like talking to a therapist, whether that's talking to friends, whether that's like I don't feel comfortable right now going out to dinner, but like maybe maybe you could come over a while I cook dinner.
Maybe we could sit and watch Netflix together. Yeah, we could just like hang out in my backyard for like an hour, you know, where it's not a lot of pressure to help that feeling dissipate and go away, because you know, if you're constantly canceling plans, I think something else is going on.
Yeah, agree, totally. Yeah, it's a good it's a good check in wake up call.
Yeah, I really like the some cultural differences in planning.
Uh.
Monoiac cultures monochronic cultures like the US, Germany and the UK value punctuality and strict scheduling. Polychronic cultures like Latin America, the Middle East, and Southern Europe a few times more fluidly.
Plans are flexible relationships schedules.
I'm telling you when my white husband, who is I think his he's American, and I believe his background, like his DNA background or whatever, is like Europe and Germanic and stuff.
But this motherfucker. First, the first couple of Christmases, the.
First couple of Christmases, he was like, what time do we need to show up? And I was like, well, it's probably gonna start around like seven. Our asses would be there at seven. My Theatuka would open the door and she'd be like, oh, like shocked that we were there.
Everyone else is.
Showing up at eight thirty, right, everyone's like kind of I mean, and he and time, man, he started my Latin time is different man, and I had to explain to him, like we cannot be on time.
We can be like maybe we can be.
Half an hour later than the time that we're starting that, like, we can't be on time because we will be the first people there and it will be really annoying for the host to have to host us. Like, yes, it's different, it's just different.
When we got married, there was a whole conversation round table with my parents with David about what time to put on the invitation. What time yes, because there definitely we're gonna be half more than half Latino's coming, so we knew we had to put like at least a
half hour before it actually started. Yes, But then we were like, should we put more than a half hour, But then all the white people or non Latin people are gonna come on time, show up, yeah, and they're gonna be like, why are we fucking standing here for forty minutes before we even sit down for the ceremony, and they're going to be confused. So we had a hole back and forth. We went with like thirty minutes. We put thirty minutes earlier on the invitation than the
actual start time. But it was a hole back and forth debate because we were like, we don't want to offend people, but also we don't want people walking in in the middle of the fucking ceremony.
Dude, I the only people that were walking in in the middle of the ceremony or like right as I was like walking down the aisle, like remember.
Like at my wedding, it was yeah, yeah, like a weird like circular way in the round. Yeah. Yeah.
I looked out of the corner of my eye and I saw my Latina friend and I was like, yeah, she's walking in right now, like people have been here for forty minutes drinking.
She's walking to her asses walking in right now. Yep. It's just different. I mean it's different. It just it just is it just it just is. Yeah. I'm I'm an on time Latino. I think only because my dad was like, and he would talk about it a lot, like we're not We're not going to beat one of those Latinos. We're gonna show up on time.
I am an on time Latino because I had friends, and I've told you this before, I've had I had friends sit me down once at dinner and they were like, you cannot be fucking late anymore.
Oh, my clate.
It was in New York and I was an hour late for dinner and they were like, you can't be late anymore.
We're not gonna invite you anywhere anymore. I was like, oh shit, oh my god. Okay. I was like, oh okay, oh like but you know what I like it. I like our an hour late for my first date with Brad and I lived Melissa.
I lived two blocks from the restaurant.
I lived in silver Lake, and I was my god.
I was meeting him at ellen and I picked Ellenie because I could walk.
No, it was a block. It was a block, an hour late. I look fabulous, though, listen.
More better. Okay, So what did we what did we learn today? What were your big takeaways about making plans.
I really like the I'm going to put a different color on I'm going to put a different color in my calendar for fun stuff. I love that idea and yeah, and that it is it is even though it's like you don't feel like doing it. I think it's important to do and that you're always like happy once you like get to the plan most of the time. But also like to be better about not over planning myself too, because I have been victim to that as well. So yeah,
this was good, like food for thought. I feel like, yeah, like it's it's a out yeah, striking being maybe more intentional about the balance of like making plans and also like letting spontaneous thing happens.
Yeah, yeah, I learned. I learned a weird one. Or my big takeaway is like it's not that they don't want to hang out with me.
Or that they find me weird. It's that they're probably just kind.
Of flaky or busy. It has nothing to do with me, and I just need to like let go of that. Yeah that's leftover from childhood stuff. It's like if they don't want to hang out with me, which is like yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe maybe, but maybe not.
Yeah yeah, especially like you can tell in the moment, especially in LA when people are just saying it as a line and when people like really mean it, you know, and then it's like you got to just like be like it's it not that counts, Like I know that they meant it, like you know, yeah, fucking busy or flaky or whatever.
You know.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that's cool. Okay, do you feel a little more better about making plans? I do.
I do feel about I do too, because I have a lunch and forty minutes with a friend and I forced into making plans.
Yeay, yay yay. I love that. Okay, great great y see you guys next time. See you guys next time. Let's plan on it. Bye, thought it. Let's see you next week. Bye bye, More and more Better.
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