This is it.
You only get one round of this at least in this body, you know, like, yeah, man, how do I do this life?
A little bit? Like better?
Easier, softer, funner, funnier, whatever it is that week that you're focusing on, right, And I do think like, oh my god, am I getta get my period? Like why am I like on the verge of crying again?
Annoying?
But like I do, I don't know what you're putting me on the verge?
More better, more and better A little bit more better, more. Welcome to more Better a podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every day, or at least trying to. That's most promarow and that is Sephanie Beatrice and Welcome Well More a Better Podcast. Final episode.
Podcasts have seasons now, and in this season, this is our last one.
Anyway, how are you, Melissa, I'm doing I'm doing good. I'm doing good. I'm you know, thinking about how we've done a whole season of this and it's been really fun. I've enjoyed uh selfishly for me, it's been really great for me to get to see you and hear your voice and see your face and get friend time, especially while I've been in Atlanta being isolated and like living in my little show bubble, and like, at least I get to see Stephanie in Toronto. That's how I was in Toronto.
I was like, well, I get some time to like talk to Melissa today, which is nice.
You know, like I agree, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And I feel like I've gotten to like know you a little more better. It seems like been a nice little added bonus to this.
I mean, I knowed pretty well beforehand, though I knew everything about you, and there have been some surprises.
There were let me see if there were any surprises for me.
Actually, I think, you know, not to bring it back to the drunk drawer, but I do think the junk drawer.
Was a surprise.
I think that was a deep surprise for me. I was like, oh, no.
Same a revelation. It was. I was like, oh, we haven't strongly disagreed about something. It truly felt like I was like, Wow, I've seen into something inside her deep dark like secret place, and I don't like it. It's not organized and I want to empty it out and help her. But I would never I would never do that to you. I mean, I think we just have keep different definitions of organization.
I think you're right, and it's it's there's room for everyone more better. Today's episode is very very special because it is the final episode of season one Bibitty Boot Boot Boop. We've done a lot of episodes, uh, I think, like in terms of the actual pod though, I think my favorite episode episode was probably the one that we did with Ril when we.
Had I loved that one.
Yeah, I really like that one. And I've used tip like she remembers how she was like, you should keep a measuring tape in your person. That way, when you're vintage shopping, you can thrift shopping or whatever or take your actual measurements with a little measuring tape and then you know if something's going to fit you or not
and you can order offline. I ordered two pairs of vintage genes for myself for my birthday based on measurement alone, and they were both two totally different sizes, same brand. They were like vintage Levi's, same brand, two totally different sizes. Both of them feit like the glove was. I still think about that all the time carry the I carry the tape measure in my person.
Yeah. I loved that one. There were so many good tips. Yeah. I really loved the wine episode we did because that was great. It was so great, It was so fun and I did feel smart. Yeah, I did feel smart during it. I was I was like, well, I'm I'm more wine smart than I thought I was. But she gave really great tips, particularly about like shopping for wine, and also we found out what wine goes with hot cheetos, and that is just information everyone should have for the
rest of their life. I don't remember what it was now, but I have that episode that I go back and have to listen to that episode and find that part. Oh wait, you know what. I did love listeners. Thank you. I want to take a moment to say thank you for all the EDM remixes of me saying Zato a schism, because they made my fucking day and I was really happy. And wait, we're just gonna uh, We're just gonna pause the pod for a second to play some of them.
Sato masochism, Sato wow. Great, thank you so much, thank you for indulging me. Thank you. Wow. Uh I let's see what else. Today.
Oh I really loved the I mean, this is absolutely selfish, but I loved the episode where we talked. This is very recent when we talked about reality television.
Oh yeah, I love reality TV. It just really makes me so well. I learned of more reality TV than I than you thought I did. Yeah.
So to celebrate the end of the season, we are dedicating the last two episodes to you. If you listen to the one before this, you heard a lot of listener letters and some questions, and thank you again for your emails and your positive reviews, positive reviews, and for following on Instagram and TikTok and all the things. So we are continuing today with our listener mail bag extrava Ganzo Banonza from the last episode. We're going to answer some questions and read some emails. So let's see. This
is an email from Grace him. My name's Grace, and I've recently started listening to your pod. Absolutely adore. It makes me feel so human in who I am and my life. That's really sweet. I should keep the commentary to myself. Okay, You've taught me so much on so many different topics, and I feel a lot more better knowing than other people go through similar experiences that I have. You to have a knack for making everyone feel more
better just by talking about your experiences. I just finished listening episode the episode I have a lot of power in my group chats, and it sparked an idea. Recently, especially after the election inauguration, I felt a little bit of despair and anxiety over what the future behold, especially in the United States. I was wondering if you too could discuss how to handle these big feelings when everything feels like it's changing. I'd love to know your perspectives and thoughts.
Oh, I mean to keep it on a listen. This could get really dark really fast.
To try to keep it in a place of what we can do moving forward, I think is to keep talking about the stuff with friends, to keep being who you are openly and publicly and not Nava Mao said this the other day at the glad Awards that I was lucky enough to attend. She said, don't silence yourself before they silence you. Don't do it for them, And I thought.
That was such a beautiful way to express how like just by being yourself, living your truth and being who you are and talking about the things that you believe in, whether it's you know, whether it's things like.
Your political position or who you are in this world, or the groups that you might represent. I think being open about those things and trying to also mesh those things with the loving kindness that everybody has access to, not saying that everybody uses it, that everybody has access
to a loving kindness in their hearts. Meshing those things together is the only way that we're going to be able to keep a positive like mindset moving forward and not again allow ourselves to be pushed into a place where we feel like we have to be silent before where we feel like we have to be silent period.
Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. And I you know, I find when I'm feeling really overwhelmed and powerless like that, you know, And I think I feel like Elsa even talked about it in these uh in this episode of this of the podcast, like kind of what you were saying too. Just now just like doing things, you know what I mean, Whether like I've ano Sophia Robb who's on the show with me, and I'll find out the
name of it. But there is like an app that can quickly show you like all the phone numbers of your representatives or like representatives in a plate, you know, and it takes like fifteen minutes to just like make some calls and read a script of like hey, my name is Da Da Da, and I care about this and I want you to vote this way or whatever.
And just taking those fifteen minutes sometimes to make your voice hurt can just feel good because I think that we feel really powerless as citizens and at the mercy, but we have to remember that, like, you know, we voted, those people were voted in, like, so it's important to show up to the polls. It's important to call reps. It's important to like do those little actionable things because they do work for us at the end of the day.
It's important to continue paying attention because like maybe maybe you were promised things.
And it's important to continue paying attention. Like yes, we all need to like protect our peace and like yeah, yeah sure, and like take breaks, but like yeah yeah, also, but don't live in oblivion, right, like don't like don't kid yourself because it's there no matter what.
And like also the attention if if if you did, you know, vote for the powers that are in office right now.
Pay attention.
Are are you being given what you were promised?
Are you? Is it actually getting better for you? Have your grocery prices come down? Him?
Or is it like maybe uh smells a little bit like a oligarchy a little bit.
You know, like maybe many people.
That have tons of money shouldn't be allowed to, like I don't know, uh, storm government offices and do whatever they want.
I don't think so. Yeah, policy for for middle class and lower class family, Yeah, you know. And like when I have never been one, I get it.
It's a very uh, it's very easy to sort of look in the opposite direction and go like, oh, well it's gonna be fine or whatever.
But you know, just pay attention, more better, more better. Next next, let's say into the next question segway into an email from Alice. Hello, Stephanie and Melissa. I would just like to share that I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I find you both so insightful, relatable and hilarious. Thank you. That's many thanks to the producers and everyone behind the scenes who I'm sure helped make it all happen as well. Yes you do, yeah, Leo, Sophia and Isis We love you our free producers who are amazing.
I am currently a twenty one year old English student and would love all caps to hear your thoughts on getting through your twenties. I don't know. It can be a difficult time for a lot of people and could be useful to hear two successful women talk about how tumultuous and rewarding it can be. Looking forward to listening to whatever you guys come up with, and maybe even getting a little more better at this life business. Oh
my kindest regards, Alice. What. First of all, your email is very eloquent, Alice, So I feel like you are gonna be just fine. I kind of no. Yeah, twenties is such an interesting decade because I was about to be like, oh, I loved my twenties, and then I remembered, like the back half of it was truly awful, and I considered quitting acting, and I was struggling so hard,
and I was like, Eh, that's so hard. But in hindsight's I was twenty twenty, right, so I didn't have kids yet, I wasn't married yet for the first half of my twenties, and I think I only bring that up in the spirit of my one regret about my twenties is that I didn't try my shit. One well regret, my one biggest okay, now my one, my biggest, my biggest regret is that I didn't try more to do more shit. Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, Also to try more stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you didn't try You didn't try more, try more stuff.
I wish I would have, like taken some writing classes. I wish I would have like I almost took a photography class once and then bailed and like didn't do it for like stupid reasons. I did learn how to cook, and I am always thanking my younger self for doing that. Like when I wasn't working, I was like, I'm gonna really learn how to cook, and I'm gonna this is
where I'm gonna put oh my like frustrated energy. And I kind of wish I had done that with some other skills because then when I did finally get closer to a place that I wanted to be in my career in my thirties, and then I had kids and like everything got so fucking busy and then you just don't have time for that. Yeah you know what I mean. So I feel like your twenties is like a time
to try as many many things as you can. Don't judge the journey, like there's no deadlines, there's no timeline for when you are Like I think you do feel that so much in your twenties, and then you go along and you're like, oh, that was so made up, like there was no If you find success in like greatness in your twenties, you're I don't know, like the point five percent, you know, Like I think it's a
time of discovery. I think it's a time of uh, like discovering yourself and what you want, but also just like trying to expose yourself to it. I think I wish I had traveled a little more in my twenties, even if it was like, you know, not necessarily had to be like big extravagant things like just gone more places, you know, And I wish I would have been a little braver like with friendships and like creating new ones.
Oh that sends yeah, I mean sad.
But now I feel like I'm just I feel like I'm just going through like a laundry list of my regrets in my twenties. But I think that's what everybody, but I think that back. I think everyone does that.
But like, I think I put so much pressure on myself in my twenties and while that may have at times made me work hard, which I also think, like your twenties is your time to freaking like work hard, like and jack and go after shit and be as ambitious as you can, and like you're never going to have this level of energy and stamina and like you know what I mean, like it will that shit will only get harder as you get older, so like utilize your youth to grind so that hopefully you don't have
to grind as hard in your thirties and forties, you know. But yeah, and I think just like explore more and like, don't be afraid to try shit, and you know, expose yourself to different things, see if you like it, you know, pick up some new skills, like just keep learning, like you're a student right now, Alice, don't lose the like student, I think spirit, you know. So I think your your twenties should be more of that, like more exploring and figuring out what you like and what you don't like
and acquiring and acquiring fucking skills. Man, learn how to sew, learn how to cook learn your older self.
Well, thank you, you know, it's a very responsible advice. I feel like I, yes, how you give the other side absolutely fucked more people, which I had, sorry in advance of listening to this with your children, but I do I wish I had fuck more people because like, and I'm not saying like in a dangerous way, like you know, in the safe you know, save sex and in an emotionally safe way, but.
Like I think I was raised. I was raised so Catholic. I was raised so like you.
Can't dun't And you're like, was he gonna buy the town and he could get the milk for free?
And like what does that even mean?
Like first of all, I said, even fucking yeah, I mean I know what it means, but like gross, you know, Like and I wish I had just like not you know, I was constantly sort of like searching for this idea of like, oh, you gotta have like a partner. You got you want to like have a like a partner,
And it's like why whatfore? Like I was great, I didn't end up with any of those people that I've dated in my twenties anyway, I mean you did, But like I didn't, and I wish I had allowed myself the freedom to party sober.
I wish I had not depended so much, leaned so heavily on. I'm like, I gotta get loose.
I gotta have some alcohol, because like that's not safe, right, Like just yeah, you know, like being in party situation with alcohol in your system, it.
Can it can lead to like people.
Making choices that aren't always great. I mean, listen, people get drugged in their diadector peppers.
I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, like.
I wish personally I had allowed myself the dare of like can I go to this party and stay sober and like see if I actually like any of these people. Can I go to this lom and go dancing and like just let myself have all my life and feel sexy and have fun and like meet people and not have like wait what did I say? And like what did she look like? And you know, like not in my brain, it's just like I just went and met people and had a good time.
You know.
I wish I had. I mean a lot of my twenties financially was just trying to survive. I mean, I was just Sureryan to survive for so much of.
My twenties money. That's like another good one I think for your twenties is like figure out how to budget, figure struggle do that ship now because hopefully it will never be as hard as it is in your twenties, but it might. But if you can figure that but it might be hopefully it won't. But if you can figure that ship out, how to budget, how to stretch a dollar, how to you know, make it work and be really on top of your finances.
You don't need all the old self you think you need, like you need not shit, Like you don't need all that like no bullshit skincare that you're buying, or like clothes or like the luxury whatever boop dooop, you know, like you don't need. Like if you want it, save up for that ship, save for it, absolutely save for it.
I'm couragey to save for it.
Yes, I remember overdrawing my account all the freaking time because I was out partying and drinking.
It was like what are you doing? Like what is the point of this? You know, like what is the point? Because that can have fun?
It's like, no, you could probably have that fun sober you just don't even know if you can or not because you're so.
Wasted, right, And I love it. I love the way you phrase that of like challenging myself to see if I could do this and what the experience would be, because yeah, I don't think that I ever like even occurred to me in my twenties, Like I mean, yeah, and I think there's a few like twenty seven year olds in my life and they have no idea how how much they're spending. And I'm always like, right, write it down five, there's not there's definitely an app, but
there's multiple apps. Bit for a month, for one month, write down be like so annoying if you have to carry around a notebook witch like savior receipts, like write down every single day how much you spend, and I promise you'll be shocked.
I promise you, and then you'll see you'll be Yeah, that's areas where.
You could do it. That's that's part of why they don't want to do because they know, yeah, in the back of the brain there like I'm spending too much money on weed, Like they know, they know.
But if you want to get real and you really want to enjoy this, time, which, like you said, look, I'm not an advocate for like being sober all the time, not necessarily if that, if you want to cool, you also will never recover from hangovers the way that you did in your twenties. So enjoy, enjoy the time because oh.
Fuck yeah yeah yeah, yeah, you're not here, take advantage of that shit. Yeah you're not special, You're not You're not.
It's not going to be like, well, I don't really get hungover, so I guess that'll just continue into my thirties and forties. No, babe, that was me. I was like, no, no, really get hungover, like it's not a problem for me.
No, boom boom, No, the day of your thirtieth birthday and you will have your first hangover. It will change, It changes overnight, overnight.
The money thing is such a big deal, right, Like I you know, I was surviving, but part of why I was surviving was because at a certain point I remember this so so so clearly. And I don't know if I've talked about on the pod before, but I remember being like short two hundred dollars for rent or something, and I called my mom and I was like, I need two hundred dollars, like I'm not going to make rent this.
Month, like I'm I'm I'm fucked, and my mom was like, I would give it to if we had it.
We don't have it, Stephanie, like, we don't have an extra two hundred dollars. And that's when it really dropped for me that I was like, oh, I have no safety net. I have none. I there's nowhere to go to find this extra. I don't have a family that has even two hundred dollars, which, like you know, might not sound like a lot to a lot of people, but at the time for me, it was the difference between like getting kicked out of my worst a lot, yeah, and my family didn't have to give me.
I have a question about this moment. Do you feel as scary? And I'm sure also you know, I have to process that moment was that you did realizing you had no safety net? Did you also feel like that forced you to get your shit together? That's exactly where I was gonna go next, because like I was like, oh fuck, I have to figure this out.
So you know, I talked to my landlady, convinced her to like give me an extension on it, and then I started really like being aware of how I was spending my money and really like down to this is how much I have to shop to grocery shop this week. This is how many times I'm gonna eat at home. This is when I'm gonna buy a bagel, and it's gonna be like breakfast and part of my lunch, you know, Like I was, like, I got my fucking shit together. I did because I had to, because I had to.
And like I I wish that my parents had shown me how to do some of that like when I was younger.
But they didn't know how to do either. So like your twenties is also an amazing time to go, Like, do I choose the path of going like, well, nobody.
Taught me how?
I'm like, I don't know it? Or do I go hmm, I've got the Internet in my pocket, I've got a library at my disposal. I can learn how to do these things. I don't need money to learn how to do these things. I don't need learn money to learn how to budget. I don't need money to learn how to cook. I can just read books, right, I don't. I don't even need money to like maybe take some of these classes that you were talking about, right, Like I could teach myself some of the stuff right the
twenty your twenties. I can watch YouTube videos.
I can. Yeah, like this is the time, the time which I had done more of that.
I'm going to motor this. The motor's gonna come from me now, like this is the time the motor before came from your parents. Like you gotta go to school, you gotta get gregs, you gotta book book blob.
But do do do do do right in your twenties, the motor your own motor. You gotta do it, babe, and like you can do it.
It's a difficult time for a lot of people like it, and it was difficult for both of us in different ways. But it also like I wouldn't go back there. I would, I wouldn't go back there if you paid me. I was about to say I would. I would love to be able to sit down across from myself for ten minutes back then and be like, you're so beautiful, you're so funny and sweet. Don't compare yourself to anybody else, and don't break up with all these motherfucking people you're seeing, Like,
don't and break don't. Don't be in a relationship. You don't need to be in a relationship or a situationship. Just be like making out with people at parties, babe, like situation.
Don't don't do any of it.
You're beautiful, you're funny, you're smart, you're talented. Keep doing what you're doing, and break up with everybody. That's what I would I wish I could tell myself in my twenties. What would you say if you could like sit down with her for ten minutes?
All those things, Alice or myself? You with yourself? Oh with me? Yeah, yes, all the things you said. You're beautiful, Stop comparing yourself to other people. Uh, you're smart, you're you're funny, you're nice, you're a good friend. Stop making excuses for people that are not good friends and just get rid of them. Love it. That's a good one. Try more things, teach yourself more skills and try yeah,
and just go on the fucking trip. Stop being afraid that you're going to miss auditions, you're going to miss opportunities. Maybe you can go on the trip. And there was a way for you to go on the trip. Go on the fucking trip. Go on the trip. On the trip your shitty friends at home, and leave the shitty
friends at home. Yeah, oh yeah, good and just really lean yeah, lean on the good friends and maybe try to find some other new friends too, because you knew, you knew, you kind of knew, just like I kind of knew. You always know, Yeah, you always knew, know
because you start doing that. Oh, they're just you know, sometimes they're just like this, oh you know, sometimes they're just like yeah, overly sensitive about this, or they oh, you know, they don't like to hang out the house because they're just really like a party girl and like just always need to be out. Like, yeah, you make all the excuses and you shouldn't. Yeah, you do more, better, more better. That was a good question. We really went off on that one. Okay, that was a good Yeah,
we really did. It's the next one. Next one is a voice note. Okay, I'm Claire. Okay, hi ladies. My name is Claire.
I'm a longtime Brooklyn nine nine fan, and I'm so glad that I found your podcast because I could use your help being a little more better at being happy for my friends. And I hope as I explain this, other women can relate and are just like Claire, sounds like just a sad little bit. I am just in a different phase of life than a lot of my friends. And they've all been married for like five or seven years.
They're all moms, and when we get together, it's all just a lot of mom talk and them offering advice, giving advice, sharing stories and struggles, and I feel like I'm just.
Sitting in the corner. I feel like I can't relate.
I feel inadequate, and I have that creeping feeling of jealousy, which is the worst one. I just I'm genuinely happy for them, and I want that to be where my feelings stop. And then while we're at it, I also would like to be happy for me too. I'm getting
married this summer, and I'm very excited. Kind of the same thing when we're together, after you know, all the mom talk, it just it doesn't feel like the vibe to talk about my wedding, And I honestly feel silly talking about it because it seems like they've all been there, had done that, and it's not really where they are anymore. So I guess I just need help being happy. I hope that you guys are able to help me be a little more better.
Thank you so much. Love you guys left the podcast. Oh Claire, don't judge yourself so harshly. Oh my god, please for.
For the first first of all, don't judge yourself so harshly, because, like we've all been in a situation with our friends where we're like, well, what about my thing?
Like I want to talk about my saying, you know, there, even with friends that we'd love dearly, sometimes we're just like, what about my thing? You know, I have a friend who talk about thing, now, I want to talk about my thing.
She she she had she was married, but a lot of her older friends, like friends that she'd been with friends since they were teenagers, they all had kids, and a lot of their conversations were around kids and having having their toddlers and then having their older kids, and she felt like, oh, like the connection with them it
felt very like frustrating for her at times. And I remember her talking to me about this, and I also remember sitting there being like, well, why don't you call me up, like ask me to go to stuff, you know, because part of that is part of part of of having friendships, right is knowing when, oh, these are my x y Z friends, right, like, these are my friends that I, you know, do this thing with, or these
are my friends that I do that thing with. And you didn't say, Claire specifically, if you've been friends with them for a really long time, but it sounds like you may have been friends with them for a little while because they've got kids and you don't, and you've watched their sort of journey. You know, when you have kids, it can be sometimes really consuming because you're if you're not asking for advice, maybe you're giving advice. If you're acting like you have it all together most of the.
Time, that's extremely stressful because you don't, yeah, and you're just trying to put on that face, you know, and you know there's that's certainly something that mom friends will do when they get together, is they will talk about that part of their lives because they don't.
Have anybody else to talk about it with. They're in lots of other environments where they don't get to talk about that, and they don't get to commiserate with people, and they don't have like a safe space to have advice about it or talk about it or even just like vent about it or celebrate it. They don't because people that don't have kids often don't understand it in the same kind of way. And that's okay, that's okay.
I will say I wish that you fell. I wish that you would allow yourself to talk about your wedding, because if it is something that you're excited about, you should talk about it.
I certainly have. I remember feeling kind of like embarrassed that I was so excited about my wedding really yeah, because I was like, I mean, I started saving for my wedding before I even met my husband, because I was like, I want a big wedding. I was like, I because I had been with someone before that that did not want to get married and and yeah, and then when we broke up, I was.
Like, I want to have a big wedding. I want to have a big wedding, and I want the wedding of my dream. Your wedding. It was so much fun. Thank you.
Yeah, But I was like I was really embarrassed that, you know, part of me was really embarrassed that I was.
Am I really gonna like go all out and like have like a flower wall and you know, make separate bars for each alcohol and like have. However many food trucks I had, you know, Like I was like, am I doing this? Like?
And so I was kind of embarrassed about how much attention I was putting on my wedding. So I understand that, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. I understand like kind of feeling like, but it also sounds like she wants to talk about it, and like I don't know if they've been if they all got married, like maybe they want to talk about it too, Like maybe they miss just having a fun party to talk about I don't know, I'm not sure.
Yeah, I feel like, you know, it is everything you said, especially if their kids are little and they're just like so in it. Yeah, they probably are leaning on each other for community and just like I remember when I would get together with my mom group friends when one of my kids was doing something you know that was driving me bonkers, and it was oh so affirming to hear them be like, oh my kid's doing that too, you know, And it's just like kind of a lifeline
when you're a mom. However, mm hmmm, I do feel like I try to be very conscious if I'm with a friend who doesn't have kids to at some point like change the conversation. And maybe if your friends are not having that awareness, I think that it's a perfectly fine thing to bring up. Yeah, and you know, and or or just try like being like, you know, after you let them kind of do their kid talk for a little bit, be like, hey, guys, can we talk
about the wedding? Because maybe it starts with like, you know, I don't know, make up a problem and like ask them for advice to like bring them into the to the thing, you know, or like I don't know what to do, and then questions about their wedding.
I mean, don't you want to know about ask them questions about their wedding?
Yeah, be like maybe like what's the most you know, wish what do you wish you had done? Or what was the most memorable thing? Or you know, let's do what was your favorite moment from your wedding?
You know, like that's a good one. Yeah, that's a really good one.
Do you remember when you were like just like make sure that you like practice like taking snapshots of the moment because it's all going to go so so fast. You remember this? Oh? Yes, Because I tell everyone that gets married that same advice because someone had said it to us and it was the best advice ever. Say right now, say right now for Claire. So the advice is that throughout the day, every time you know there's a moment and you can feel them throughout the day.
The first time you see your parents dressed up or whatever it is, when you you know that, when you turn that corner in the aisle and you see your partner for the first time. Uh. The person told me to say to myself, I want to remember this moment, like in your head, say and sometimes I even whispered it throughout the day, I want to remember this moment. There's something about doing that that like makes you really present and it kind of makes your brain take these
little mental pictures. And it is such a big day that goes by so fast, and I swear my wedding is like kind of a blur except for the times that I did that. I have these like crystal clear memories of when I first saw David, when I first saw my dad in his tucks, when we had our first dance, when you know, I gave I handed the flower basket to my niece, like you know, it's just these little moments and it was such good advice that
worked for me. And so I've just like every time someone's gotten married, I've made sure to tell them that like the night before or the day before. It's such nice.
So the like scene, Yeah, you've been married, you've been married. You know you've been married since your twenties, right, you just talked about your wedding so like excitedly and full of love. Right, Like people just because people have been there and done that, it doesn't mean they don't want to talk about it. Like if you want to talk about your wedding, your upcoming wedding, and these friends are married or not, like talk to them at it, like
ask some questions about theirs. Yeah, maybe part of the issue is like I don't know, but like it sounds like the issue is twofold, right, Like it sounds like Claire's friends don't know when to stop talking about their own kids, right they don't They maybe like don't have a sense of like is she she's feeling left out?
Maybe it's like getting together like all four or five of you in a group is not the It's not the thing right now, like maybe or like at least if it is, you got to kind of know, like
there's gonna be a lot of parenting talk. Maybe you separate them a little bit, like maybe it's like you just get lunch with Qutchen, You just get lunch with you know whoever, Yeah, and see if you can steer the conversation toward things that you both are interested in or like, you know, maybe it's not all parenting stuff. Maybe it's some other stuff too. I mean, I had lunch with my friend Katie the other day, and we did talk about parenting stuff. She's not a parent, but
I talked about it. But then also we spend a lot of time talking about like makeup and politics and other stuff.
You know. Yeah, try to bring them into the excitement of your wedding. Try to give maybe more cues of like it's time for the conversation to steer away from parenting. I think your suggestion too, of like hanging out with one or two of them instead of maybe the whole group. Separate these hosts because like moms like to talk about
mom stuff. Separate these hose you know, yeah, we do. Also, I don't know, maybe explore put some more energy into other friends that you maybe have that don't have kids yet.
So yeah, yeah, maybe there's some friends, like some new friends, like you know, like and I get it, like new friendships are harder. You have to be like, do you want to go to this thing with me?
It's very like like a weird dating. It's hard.
It's hard, and like you gotta do a little more work than just like, oh, everyone's going to so and So's house on Friday, are you coming?
You know, it's a little more work than that.
But if you are feeling some type of way about them, and also if you try these some these tactics and they don't really seem to be working, you know, I think the ultimate is kind of like sitting them down.
I wouldn't sit in a group.
I would say like individually yeah and expressing like sometimes I feel really left out because I think the conversation steers towards something that like I'm not a part of.
And I don't begrudge you your happiness.
Yeah, I just want to be I just want to continue growing together as friends, and I don't really know how to do it.
If I can't really take part in this part of your life. Pick the person in the group who feels like your strongest ally but also likes the gossip a little bit, so because you got to count on that friend going to the rest of the group. Like, I know, I'm that friend in my friend group. When somebody comes to me with a problem about somebody else in the
friend group, I know what they're asking of me. They're asking for advice and empathy, and then they are also expecting me to go to the rest of the group and be.
Like, hey, hey, you got we got to be better reminds because we're making.
Them feel a certain way. Yeah, I know, I know, I'm that I'm that bitch with the big mouth and the friend group. So I will like turn around and tell the rest of the group like, we can't do this. It's making them feel Now, okay, I got good to know about you. This is actually really good to know about you. I'm like a fault to a fault, probably because I like people will be like, did you know. I'm like, yeah, I did know, and I'd be like, but it was like last year, and I'm like, I know,
but she didn't say to tell you. So I didn't say I'm a vault in general, but with my tight little friend groups, I am not okay, I am not good to know. Yeah, okay, I will, and I know that they know that I'm gonna say some shit. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
This next one is actually about kids. This one is from from Carl. Oh, what a cute name. Okay, my wife's currently pregnant. One and two of you went through the process of being pregnant. What examples do you recall of your partner being supported and what were the they could have been more better? Well, I'll tell you one positive and one negative, and molessly you do the same. How about that? Yes, one positive. I don't think I
changed a diaper. I mean I could probably ten times for the first like, however, many months like the first I think we left for London when she was three months old, I maybe changed ten diapers. Like I was doing a lot of other stuff. I was growing the food source. I was like trying to do a bunch of other shit, you know, trying to get another job, all that stuff. But I didn't change the diapers. I
didn't change the diapers. And it was so helpful, and you know, at first he had like a strong reaction to it, but he quickly got used to it and he got really good at it. So that is a way that you can certainly help, like suck it up and change the pup.
Yeah.
The way that he could have been more better, And this is partially my fault.
Was he should have probably skipped his fantasy football draft trip. You know.
It was just a few and I think it was like a week and a half after the baby was born. And like before the baby was born, I was like, I'll be fun. My sister's gonna help me. It's not gonna be a problem.
No. After the baby was born and he left, I was like, fuck you, Like I couldn't believe, couldn't believe that he had left.
Like and my fault, yeah, yeah, I mean the audacity of him. Your heart, Yeah, my heart. It was my heart. It was it was absolutely my heart. It was.
It was your your fart in judgment. Yes, yea, So those are mine? What about you? One mine? Okay? Positive while she's pregnant. Every time my husband made me delicious, like healthy food or brought me food of any kind, I was like, oh my god, I am so loved. I feel like a goddamn princess. Something about just when you're pregnant. Every other time he's done it, I mean, I appreciate it. But there was something about when I
was pregnant that I was just like, oh my god. Yeah, also just like go I think, being extra like rubbing feet, running a bath, like you know, saying let's go out to dinner tonight or let's go away this weekend, like because it is your last little bit of like the
newborn phase. But everything is so intense that first year of being a new parent that I don't think we I don't think most people take advantage of like that time during pregnancy to just like be together, like you know, watch a bunch of shows, like and it doesn't even have to be like going out because maybe she's miserable and like doesn't feel like doing that, so then maybe it's like watching shows and movies together or reading a
book together or whatever. Like just really feeling close and connecting. I think felt like very big to like when that would happen when I was pregnant, but just felt very like comforting and special. Uh. And then the negative, I would say is for these nine months and for the at least four years after you have a child. I'm so sorry, Carl. You are not allowed to make any comments about your own body, about the state of it about particularly when she's pregnant and she has lost all
control over what her body is going to do. You cannot make any positive or negative comments about your own body during that time. You keep that shit to yourself. You call your friends and you tell them, but you every time, and everyone knows. My husband's very into fitness.
He's very like discipline, takes care of himself. And there would just be times where he'd be like ugh, like you know, pinsion some like love handle or something, and I would want to murder a non existent nothing moment, a non existent comment on his body.
Because a man or he had been fucking a runway model for like versact right, and like he was in like like he was the hot baby in a Mariah Carey video like this is not.
Yeah, he's on another level of like human Look, he's on another level of like human fitness that is yes, And he's worked out his whole life. And it's also like he's passionate about it. It's part of his mental health. But every time he said anything about his physical appearance, I wanted to murder him, whether it was positive or negative.
Yeah, you also can't be like, oh, man, I really like got in it, got it, got at it today at the gym's like, yeah, I know you can't.
I can't do that.
I can't bend it the waves.
And I cannot be happy for you right now. No, I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you're eating extra with her and gaining some Yeah, if you're like gaining weight with her because you're eating extra with her, like great boo. Keep that ship to yourself, Yeah, keep it to yourself. Tell your friends, don't tell your wife. That's how you could be supportive.
Absolutely zero zero's come to me except for to her.
You're so beautiful. Yes, you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful. You know. She's like, oh my god, no, I feel like so disgusting. I hate this, And.
Then you go say, I will, I'm sorry, so beautiful, you're so beautiful.
I'm sorry. I just can't take my eyes off you. Boo boo boo boom. Okay, booby boom boom boop. Next question, Okay, pressure to be perfect as a woman. Oh yikes. Hi Devanie and Melissa and team, thank you so much for giving more better to the masses. I just listened to your episode about making adult friendships and how hard it can be. As I was cooking slash cleaning in my one bedroom apartment feeling all kinds of lonely. Adult friendships are hard despite me trying to be my despite me
trying my best and taking initiative. It really made me feel that I was not alone. And if you, as celebrities, go through it, then it's not surprising that someone like me, just a normal person could go through it. To you, thank you. Could you talk about how as women it
can be difficult to have everything together. For example, we need to have the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the perfect teeth, the perfect body, the perfect lifestyle to stay healthy and all that fun stuff, and sometimes it can just be overwhelming. We all feel like this right. A lot of it has to do with social media mm hm and how it portrays the best parts of ourselves
and that can be difficult to escape. Once again, all the best to your team and can't wait to hear to become more better best Cartiky, I hope I'm saying that right. What a pretty name for it all, Partiki, It is a pretty name.
I mean, listen, we didn't have social media when we were growing up, but we had hy am and seventeen magazine.
We had those magazines. Every image in it, like every other story was like how to lose weight, how to get boys to like you, how to not be awkward? How did this? How did that?
And it was like, you know, this miniature version of social medi yeah, which social media does nothing except I guess it connects people. But like it is, it's a hellscape of comparison, and it really is, and you know it is.
You gotta get off of it. You've got to get off there.
You got to like give yourself time if you want to be on there a little bit, but like take it off your phone and put it on your iPad because then you won't look at it as much. Like you got to just protect your you know, protecting your health, protecting your mental wellness or whatever.
That's part of it, babe.
Like you are never gonna feel any any bit of like how magical and perfect you already are if you're constantly looking at how other people are better than you and thinking that in your head and cycling on that on that thought, and like I think, you know, we all wish we'd grown up with parents who told us constantly you're so beautiful, you're so perfect, you're so loved, you're so want wonderful, and maybe some of us did. Yeah, you know, but if we didn't, then we have to
internalize that voice. And like it took me into my you know, it took me. I'm still isn't working on it. But like, for example, she says in here, the perfect skin, she wrote, for example, we need to have the perfect hair, the perfect skin. Oh my god, the skin issues that I had and the way that I would look in
the mirror and hate on myself for my skin. And it wasn't until like I first of all, I went on accutane and I helped a lot, but like that combined with like really understanding that, like I it wasn't like my skin got clear and then I got Brooklyn nine nine. You know, I got Brooklyn Miners before my skin got clear. I was, Yeah, I was done with Brooklyn. I think by the time I wasn't think so yeah the last these my skin looked great because I was pregnant,
but like, yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't like the things in my life that were coming to me that I earned and like and were mine came to me because my skin was clear. You know, like right it was, it didn't happen like that, and like that whole time, I wish I had I wish I hadn't berated myself for not having good skin, you know, like.
It does it.
It's like you there's a certain amount of like letting go of the comparison that we have to learn how to do, and then somehow, weirdly those things that we want come.
And also acutaine. Accutane is great and also acutane And I think, yeah, I think the second part of that, which I think you're also saying with you know, accutane, is trying to identify First of all, yes, one hundred percent, get social media off your phone because I think it's you need to detox for a minute. And I think the second part is all so really trying to get real with yourself about what are the things that you
actually give a shit that are causing you unhappiness or turmoil? Right, and like for you, like it was going on acutane and like you know that you did want to improve it, you know, like and so it is like what are the things that are you know, do do I wish that I was eating healthier or whatever? You know, what I mean, Like, yeah, or do I wish I was working out more? Okay, that is something we can do
something about. That is something we can change. Might have to sit down and schedule it and figure out how we make it happen, and like, make a commitment, I'm gonna do this for thirty days whatever it is. Like, but those are things that you can do. Yeah, and then all the rest of it you might find you might discover you don't actually give a shit. It doesn't bother you. Yeah, fine, you know what I mean. You like this part of your life where you that's not
you don't really care about. Like I don't give a shit about my nails. My nails look like shit all the fucking time. They do. They look like shit all the time. I don't know about that. And sometimes I would have no they do like they're they're all broken and summer long and summer short and like you know, and most of the time I don't give a shit. I have moments where I see Stephanie's beautiful nails or I see another woman with beautiful nails, and I'm like, fuck, man,
why don't I like And it's the comarison thing. I'm just like what I should probably care about this more, like it does look so nice on a woman when her nails are like a little bit long and like done and stuff and like. But then I realized, like, I don't actually give a shit for me personally. I love it on other women. I think it looks beautiful. It is not something that's actually important to me. And if it ever does get to me, then I just make time to go get a fucking manicure and like
feel better about it, you know. I like take some action, but most of the time I don't care. And I've yeah,
I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. I've gone to events with shitty bare nails and I don't care, you know, And so it's really trying to get in touch with you know, there's some actors that love doing press and publicity and it's not something that I love and I don't judge them for it, and sometimes I feel bad, like, fuck, I should care more, I should want to do I should want to do more photo shoots or things. And then but then like I do that, you know again, I just like dig in deep and
I'm like I don't care. I just don't care, Like this is not something that's important to me. No. I want to support the things that I'm doing and I want people to watch them, and you know that will motivate me to like do more. But this is not something that feels important to me or that I need to do. And it's great that people love it and like you know, love to do it. I don't not for me. Yeah, and that's okay, good for you, not for me. For me, Yeah, there's not for you, not for me.
There's something really smart that you said about like narrowing down, like what is the thing that really bums me out?
Or like what is the thing that I actually do want to you know, quote unquote fix about myself or and and sometimes like you do all those things and you get to the place and you go, oh, that's not the that wasn't the thing, you know, like that wasn't the thing that it was the key on off my happiness, you know, like it just wasn't because like happiness is an inside job, you know, like feeling good about yourself as a person is.
An inside job. You know.
I think like it's part of I mean, it's not a coincidence that I went on like a wo wo spiritual retreat and like came to terms with how I was creating my own reality. And also like the next week got on accutane. You know, like I right, it just wasn't a coincidence.
So like I think sometimes you go, like, I mean, this is a good example. This is a weird example, but like.
You know, when people finally hit earlier, I think it was earlier in this conversation might have been in the last episode, but you know if oh no, it was this conversation. Okay, so earlier you were like, oh, maybe you're like in your twenties and you hit it big and like you achieve greatness or whatever. But what happens if you do that in your twenties And then you go, is this it shouldn't all my problems were solved?
Like now I'm perfect? You know, like what if you had what you consider the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the perfect teeth, the perfect body, the perfect lifestyle. Like what if all those things like magically happened, and like you still felt exactly the same way on the inside, And you think to yourself, well, no, I'll feel different. I'll feel different. But like will you or will you still be?
Like will you kinda like will you still sometimes feel lonely? Like I mean you might get hit on maybe like a little more if like you're hair is so shiny that everyone in the room turns and looks when you walk in. But like I don't know, like, are you gonna get hit on by the kind of people that you want to spend time with? I'm not sure, Like I don't know the answer to that stuff. But I think like thinking about these things in terms of like what is actually important to me as opposed to what
does everybody else say is important? Yes, really big, big kind of difference in like how what's going to make me like actually happy, you know, like actually deeply happy because like I mean, yes, my skin's clear now, but like so also like I take antidepressants.
Because like right, right, yeah, there's still stuff, there's still stuff, there's still stuff. Yes, it's yeah, it's letting, it's letting
go of what other people's perceptions of perfect are. And just I think it's just discovering like what is perfect for you, m right, like inside and out right, Like what yeah if you if if there's external things you can change or be better at, you know, working on because they make you feel good, great, do that, And also are there internal things that you need to reckon with or talk about or get to the root of, because the external things are not going to do anything.
They're not going to change that part. Right, It's got to be inside out, and it's got to be whatever your version is. You can't you can't get that what the idea of that is from other people. You really can't. That's not you can. You can get it implanted when you're a little kid, Yeah, you can, certainly, like right,
but like it's your job to deprogram yourself. It's your job to like on brainwash yourself from all that garbage that you might have been fed, like figure out actually yeah yeah, uh huh yeah yeah, and get that social media off your get it off your doing and just put a dad.
You're not on your iPad all the time, you know what I mean?
No, you got to look for it. You gotta make sure it's charged.
Yeah, make sure it's charged. You gotta make sure it's not sticky if you have kids.
Mm hmm. More better. I what did you learn this season? Oh my gosh, I what did I learn?
I learned that my uh my headphones hurt if I wear them for longer than an hour. I learned that, uh, when I laugh really hard, you can see all the way back into the back of my uh throat and my feelings, which I'm trying not to do on camera as much because everybody loves to laugh joyously.
Nobody wants to be caught with their mouth open like a puppet. No. I learned that. You know.
One of the reasons we decided to do this was when initially, I think, like when the writer's strike happened and then when the actors strike happened, to both of us were like, what can we do that is creatively fulfilling over this time, and that's when we started kicking around the idea of doing this podcast. And then yeah, you know, having this time and space to be able to do this felt very grounding.
Sometimes it felt like.
Yeah, no, I have to record today, and like I don't have any more energy, and I don't know where I'm gonna pull it out.
From my brain is bright, Yeah, yeah.
But in general I think it felt very grounding, and also I hope one of my hopes coming through this or out of this is like, you know, people, I think probably a lot of people that listened to this found us because they were fans of Brooklyn nine nine, and like that is totally one part of us.
And but you know, we're multifaceted. Barf, I've heard it.
So but like you know, we're pretty I think both of us are interesting people and have interesting perspectives, and I think we're constantly both trying to like learn about, like how I can get more better at this because like this is it, This is it. You only get one round at this at least in this body, you know, like, and so both of us are trying to be like,
how do I do this life a little bit like better? Easier, softer, funner, funnier, whatever it is that week that you're focusing on, right, And I do think like.
I do think that I'm oh.
My god, am I getting my period? Like why am I like on the verge of crying again? Annoying?
But like I do, I don't know what you're putting me on the verse.
In some ways it really helps. It has helped me do that, right, Like we've both been through like very challenging, especially through work, challenging like things were like you know, and in different ways, but like I think it I think some of the stuff that I've talked about with you on the podcast is like definitely made me go, like, take a breath, this isn't as serious as it feels like it might be in this moment, or like I know how to handle this because of this conversation that
I had with Melissa.
Yeah, totally, I think, And yeah, I think. The biggest thing I've come away with is, you know, I love this podcast is basically based on our dressing room talks because this is what we would do all the time and the importance of having a friend like that, which I'm very grateful I have in you, but having and I think hopefully everybody has that one friend that you can connect with and just continue to like work on yourself, you know, And like that's always been such a strong
connection between you and I, and I've loved it that this podcast has like brought it back into my life in a very big way, because, uh, it's like check ins. It's like you said, it's so grounding to go like, gosh, what would I do in this situation, or like how do I handle these things? Or what can how can I be better at this? Because I want to do that because like you said, life is fucking short. We got one shot at this in this body, and I
don't wanna check out. I don't wanna just kinda And we have those phases of life for sure where we're just like buried or busy or overwhelmed, or we just kind of or we're grieving or you know, whatever it may be, that we're just kind of like going through the motions. But I don't ever want to do that for too long. I wanna I want to be the kind of person that always kind of checks in and goes, Okay, what's working here, what's not working here? Or what can
be better? What can fall by the wayside? Like how do we make the most of this very short life you know and present? And I get to do that with you, and I'm very grateful for it. Now to decrive and I'm not going to to do a little more.
Do you feel a little more better after doing this forty times? Forty times?
Forty times? Girl? Forty? I do? I really do. And also a huge I don't think we could have done forty of these without the help of our listeners sending in suggestions and questions. That has become a huge part of this and thank you so much for giving us more topics and things to think about and digest and dissect. And you're as much a part of this as you know as we are. Yeah, absolutely, yes, Yeah, Okay.
A sea leader.
I'll see you later, Fred, Bye bye, More Better.
Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episode?
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried one of our tips and tricks? Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod.
Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa Kumera. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Klem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy. Our cover art
is by vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week, Suga bye mm.
Hmmmmmm h oo. Tookitomas Mayhor