“She Could Be a Farmer in Those Clothes” | Hobbies

That's a little more better? Oh, you know what I've been doing lately, it's a little more better. Tell me. I have been having a routine. I've been good about the routine. I've been getting in, the workouts I've been getting in, the productivity i've been getting in, the little bit of rest time, been get into bed on time, been a little anti social. But some has to give. Something's got to give, something's got to give and it's been really helping me get through. I'm about to leave

and have anxiety around that. Yeah, so I think it's good for that. Routine has been helping me a lot. That's awesome. How about you? What have you been doing lately? That's more better. I'm about to leave too. I'm leaving Cana to go back to LA. You're coming back home, and I'm leaving La. We all never see each other. No, maybe I have to make a trip to your house or something. I just don't want to be annoying and show up when you have stuff to do, because I

understand how that feels. But you can come to my house because I know you, and I might do that. I might just come by for like a half hour, you know, while you take a break or something. I have been you know what I did this time? Hot tip for parents who are the main sort of working parents, and that can flip, you know, depending on what who's

doing what or when I'm right. But I gave over control of packing all of my child's stuff to my husband, my sister who is here helping us, and they made a checklist and they communicated about it, and I didn't do jack shit I packed my own stuff and that was it. Oh shit, girl, that's a big one. It is. And it was hard. Like a couple of times I stuck my nose in there and was like, what about this toy? Are we leading this? You know? And they were like, oh way, yeah, I get out of here.

And I was like, yep, you're right, I'm gonna go away. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna put my nose in there, and uh yeah, it's been. It has been a source of a lot of I've been a lot less stress because of that, because I often will try to control things, especially at the end of get everything. Yeah, And so I'm just letting go and you know, letting Jesus tick the wheel. So I think that that's a good thing for me to do. At this point, I'm getting I'm

trying to be more better at that's amazing. Good for you, Good for you. It's hard to ask for help, and it's hard to give up control. It's very hard to give up control, especially for me. But it's really good. It's good. It's good. It's really good for you. It's good for those from my relationship with both of them, because it shows them that I trust them, you know, and I don't have to be like looking over their shoulders.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom would like she'd be like, clean the bathroom, you know, we have guests coming, And I'd clean the fucking shit out of the bathroom and like work really hard at and then she'd come in there and clean it after me, and I felt like shit, you know, I was just like, well, then why do you ask me to do it? Why do I'm not gonna try then? You know? Right right, So in this way, I'm showing them like I trust you, you know, like we might leave something behind. Yeah, you

might do it differently than me. You might not do it exactly how I would do it. That's the heart that that's the hard part. Oh. The vacuum packing that's going on is honestly, he's exceptional at it. I mean, Brad's like sticking everything in plastic bags and sucking their out of them and like prussing the phenomenal pretty phenomenal. Yeah, He's already talking about like wanting to buy a vacuum packer thing, and I was like, wet'll slow down. We

don't need I don't think we need that. I don't think we need We don't need to be those people. But maybe we are, but maybe maybe more better. This week we are talking about hobbies, guys, hobbies. What are hobbies? You guys don't what they are? There's stuff that you do on your own goddamn time, right like that. You're not trying to get paid for not just do for enjoyment. Oh my god, that's exactly what it is. Hobbies or stuff. You're not trying to get paid for it. You just

do for fun. You just do because it gives you a little like spring in your step, twinkle in your eye, fire in your belly. Do you have any do you actually have a hobby? Uh. When we said we were doing this topic today, my first thought was like, I don't have any hobbies. I have a bunch of hobbies I've started and stopped, which we'll talk about. But I say, I do think cooking is a hobby of mine. Yeah,

I do like cooking. I cook quite a bit, and I recently, well not recently, but I would say in like the last few months, I've kind of you know,

I go, I go through phases. I think parents will relate, parents of small kids will relate where you just like you do the menu, you do the things you know your kids will like, and you just do the rotation, and you just kind of get in these like ruts and every day you're like, oh my god, if I had to figure out what the fuck is for dinner tonight, I fucking murder someone like you get burnt out on just like a daily task of like figuring out dinner. And I think maybe because I was, well, I know

what it was. It was summer, I was busy, I was working. We also traveled, so I got chunks of time breaks from cooking and from figuring out what the fuck is for dinner, and that allowed me to enjoy cooking and cooking new things or trying a new recipe.

I also have learned that I really enjoy cooking and prepping when my house is empty, like when the kids are still in school, Like if I can get home, if I can get done with my day or home early enough, like even if it's just a half hour before pickup, and I can just like chop or like start something, or like you know, well, because you're focused, you just focused on that you're not parenting at the same time, Oh my god, And I'll put a podcast on, or I'll put music on, and I'm like, this is

lovely is to be jopping an onion while listening to a podcast and no totally screaming. I think non parents probably have a different experience of hobbies, like there's more time for hobbies when and you I think, maybe, well, no, maybe we also need hobbies just as much, but we're not in touch with the need as much. But I feel like I think we need them probably just as much,

if not more. I mean, people that choose not to have kids, I think choose lives that they really really like and are full of stuff that is right for them. You know, it's like whether it's you know, I have a couple of friends who who have chosen to not have kids, and like they travel a lot, they go see a lot of music shows. My friend that I'm thinking of right now is in Japan. She's traveling around Japan.

She recently traveled to Italy. Like, she goes and sees a lot of dry and she is always at drag cons. I think she went to London for a drag con this year. I mean she's constantly just like filling her life up with like cool stuff and I think I definitely had more time for that when I didn't have a kid, like I remember specifically, I really like to paint, and it's not something that I find the time to do, but the like little kid in me really loved art classes.

And when actually after my last breakup, before I met, I was kind of like dating around and I had a lot of free time and I started painting. I have all these fashion books and I started painting the fashion drawings, like I would just copy the drawing and paint them on, like paint them with acrylics or whatever, and it was so fun. It was so fun. I don't have any space in my life to do something in my fat right now. Yeah, I just don't have

any hobbies now, now, girl, that's not true. Actually this is a bad I feel like you're good at read like you girl only on planes? Really? Yeah, it's here's here's why I read them, Stephen came. Because that's what they sell in the airports. Oh my god, that's so funny. That's what they sell in the airports. I am a sucker for an airport book because it's two and a half, maybe three maybe four hours of an uninterrupted adult time. So like you will not catch me watching a movie

on a plane. I'm always reading a book because it's the only time that I have to do it, like, and it's so fun for me because I'm like, you know, just like devouring that is ever funny to me because I get so excited to watch movies on planes. Plane. I feel like I never have time to watch movies. Screen is like this big wait it's yeah, certain movies

I'm like, no, I can I have to wait. I can't want to watch that one, but like other ones that I'm like mildly interested in and want to see, but I know that I don't have the time because I've know that's play with the movies that I see, because I have such little time to like actually see something that's more than an hour long, right right, No, No, that I get excited about it, like like sometimes you're watching a fun comedy or something on a plane and using that time to read it is like so good.

It has to be a fun book though it can't be like you know, I mean for me, it has That's the thing about hobbies, right, they have to be fun. You can't you can't be out here like forcing yourself to do something that you're you're gonna get better at it, because to me, that's and you've taken on a part time job that you're not getting paid for. That is me and gardening a good day of my life, a good chunk of my life. During the pandemic, it was

just like, you will fucking grow. I was like, I'm a garden the fuck out of this little box that my husband bought. I'm gonna have a little mini farm out here. This is gonna be amazing. I already have like basic knowledge. My mom was an amazing gardener, like

amazing garden with plants too. I mean she had her first of all, she had in her her backyard like an orchestra of flowers, so like like from Alice in Wonderland, like they sang like when some flowers were blooming in certain parts of the garden, Oh the others were fallow as they were going away, the other ones were coming up. Yeah that's cool. And I was like real brand at all,

like real gardener. And then she had a vegetable garden and she grew these enormous zucchinis and canoes and like all the herbs and green beans and strawberries and everything, so oh yeah, like really good at it anyway, And I'm not, no, I am not. Well, you tried it. I mean that's the other thing about hobbies rare. They feel like you have to try it, try it. I did, but I did grow some kale I did grow uh. I almost grew some snow peas. But then they shriveled

up and died. Uh yeah, it just it would give like one and then die. And the squirrels are also very aggressive. I feel in Los Angeles, I don't know how to fight the nature. It's not angels likes the raccoons, the squirrels and then the bugs. And then that's when I usually tap out. And eventually my husband threw out that garden box because they just had a bunch of sprouted herbs and lettuce and things with Sometimes you gotta let the hobby go, like it's just not for you.

Re the longside. He was like, can I throw this out? And I was like, no, no, that's mine. Do not I know it. I'm a farmer. She could be a farmer in those clothes more. I don't know that. I like kind of game of farming slash growing things to try, but I do feel like some people are just fit for you know, one of my hobbies lately is shopping, and you are very good at it. And I'm getting better. I'm getting better at, like getting better at understanding what

my closet needs are. I'm getting better at understanding what

I do and don't use. I'm getting better at, you know, seeing how valuable something is to me, meaning I a lot of us, you know, for example, like people are always like, oh, you need to do like sustainable fashion, sustainable fashion, sustainable fashion, right and like, but to me, sustainable fashion sometimes means like, yeah, I am going to buy this thing that like might be might be necessary, might not necessarily be like the most sustainable thing right when I buy it, But I know I'm going to

keep that thing for probably ten years, So like it's better than me buying a new pair of pants every year because bus stout or whatever. There's these apps now that you can upload your closet into, Like you can take pictures of everything, wait and like make outfits and stuff. Wait what like send the mess I will. And my sister was telling me about this, and I'm dying to

get back to La to get into my closet. Get rid of the stuff that I don't need anymore, that doesn't fit that I've been holding on too because I whatever, just like let it go. And also like nothing like four months away from your clothes that'll make you go like I don't really need that. I don't really need that thing anymore. You know. I've been in Canada for four months. I know what I want to wear and what I don't. Yeah, so when I get back, I'm

like really excited to like go through stuff. And I think, like, fashion is a hobby of mine. I enjoy I think, yeah, I would say fashion is a hobby of yours for sure. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, you enjoy learning about it and up with it, and yeah, it really brings you joy. I have a whole file folder on my phone of pictures from like this year's like shows that I've I want to recreate with like stuff that I already have or like stuff that I drifted or whatever that would. Yeah,

that's a hobby. Anxious as the girl is so fun. I love it so much? Is it? No? I know it is. It is for you. It is for you, and I love that for you, and I love that because then you help and I love that free because then you help me. Yeah, I do, and you do? You do? You know? I Are there any hobbies that you always wanted to start or do you know? I started in the pandemic cooking and that was really fun.

I had a menu I would like, you know, do the whole thing, and I found it really soothing during the pandemic because I did have a ton of time on my hands. But post pandemic, it is not really something that I've been able to keep up. I mean, I just don't have the where with all. Man. I watch my sister and she like, she'll get cookbooks from a library, like from all over the world and stuff. She'll like, your sister is an amazing cook, amazing baker

if you're in La. Actually she does have a secret baked baking endeavor called Fakasha Forever, and you can order from her and she'll make it. And you ever had it's rude, it's really go at. It's it's rude. That's how good it is. It's really really fun, it's really good. We had people from they were visiting from London and they bought it. Really they bought like three and they took them back with them. Every time. It lasts like

one day in her I know, it's so good. Basically, just wake up the next day hungover from fakasha because bread, it's delicious. Overdid it? We can't? What can you do? It's so good, so good. She's really good about you know. And I can see her getting I can see her, I see antaste her cooking getting better all the time. Like the other night we had kimchi fried rice, which I'd never had before. I think like she just made she had read about it somewhere and made it from

scratch and it was delicious. She's She's like, I wish that I could do stuff like that. And you know, when I was younger, I went to a phase of being vegan and I was really into baking for a while, and I would bake like a vegan cakes and pies and and and then for a while I had a Betty Crocker phase where like the old cookbook and I was yah. I think, honestly, I think it was because I was in a play that was set in the

nineteen fifties. Oh my god, that's hilarious. So I was like super into trying to like make a bunch of stuff from this cookbook and I made some really good pies. Ooh. Yeah. The thing about hobbies is like it has to bring you joy or or then it's not a hobby like that, you're just like trying to it's a part time talking. Yeah. Yes, I was on unpaid job. I was on a dance team. This was I was on a comedy dance team for

a while. And at first it was really fun, and then as we went along it was like a great hobby because I love to dance. It was really fun. There were a lot of other fun women that were a lot of them were actresses or comedians. And then the rehearsals started being I remember you saying that to me specific. I was like, I have rehearsal this time, and then this time, and then this time, and then

we have the game on Saturday. And you were like, that's like fifteen hours, Stephanie, that's fifteen hours a week for why, Like, what are you doing It's a two minute dance on a Saturday afternoon. Yeah, why are you guys rehearsing so much? I was like, oh my god, it's not fun. It's not fun anymore, so I quit. Yeah, it wasn't fun at the band. You know, yeah, that's the thing. I wanted gardening to be fun. But then when the afids attacked my basil. The affids, is that

what you call them? I thought they were aphids? Or are they aphids? I thought so? I thought there were afids. I'm probably wrong, probably listen. I like to make up ways to say things fed aphid. You say tomato, I say you can I grow it. It's fine, it's fine. But then it wasn't fun anymore because I was like, I don't know how to get rid of these motherfuckers. I'm sorry more more. Having a hobby, this is a

nerd time. Having a hobby is tied to happiness and well being, which great no pressure, no pressure, and don't have the time. A study published online September of twenty twenty three by Nature Medicine suggests that having a hobby is good for your health, mood, and more. Researchers combed through five large studies involving more than ninety three thousand people across sixteen countries, including the US, Japan, China, and

a bunch of European countries. Participants were all aged sixty five or older, and more than sixty percent had long standing mental or physical health conditions and they periodically answered these questionnaires. But compared with people who didn't have hobbies, those who did reported better health, more happiness, fewer symptoms of depressure, and higher life satisfaction. The findings were similar across all countries. Now, I will say my mom, after my dad died, she had a really hard time for

a while. And then when she came to live with us for a little bit in LA, she immediately found a church that was nearby and that she could walk to, and she started volunteering with them. And she has like a whole group of friends now in LA that are all from her church. And she's got like a little ladies group and they like volunteer and they do like a good rash sales for the church or like fundraisers, or they'll go and like do like canvassing or you

know whatever. They're just doing a bunch of stuff. And like that's her her hobbies. Yeah. I love belief and her faith and her desire to like be involved in her community and in through church. And I think that's really it's really good for her. She really like she feels like she has a purpose. And I think a lot of like people, you know, I mean we talk about how busy we are right now because we have kids, but there is going to be a time when we

choose to retire. Yeah, our kids are gone, our kids are out of the house, and like what are we going to fill our time with, you know, right, And it's important to still have like purpose and joy and motivation. Yeah, yeah, I think it's really interesting to think about, right, like

like what am I going to do? And and you know, as somebody that doesn't go to church, I don't go to church, and you know, I have no issue with people that desire that, but I want to have a form of community in my life, right, especially when I'm older and I'm not going to be working as much.

So it's interesting to think about like how you start to like fill in the world of hobbies, like as you get older, you know, things like I mean taking I would love to take a painting class, Like yeah, I would love to like a still life painting class or something, or like be one of those like cool ladies that has her sketch pad at the art museum and it's just like sitting there for two hours in front of something copying it. That is something I share

that love with you. I used to go to painting classes as a kid, and it was like I just loved it. I didn't have any aspirations for like I'm going to do this as a job one day. I just love doing it. I have artists in my family, and I felt like I was, you know, like contributing to the family legacy or something. You know. I can kind of paint and so I'm you know, keeping it up for the fam. And yeah, and I miss it and I and I like you, I wish I had the time or the space too, you know, so relaxing

painting the Huntington. The Huntington sometimes does like painting classes, so like when you're back, we should do one together. Sometimes it's just for like an afternoon where they're like they'll they take you around. Like the Huntington is a big I guess, like with the Botanical Party. Yeah, it's it's got like multiple buildings and like lots of gardens and stuff in Pasadena in California. And they sometimes do them because I'm on their mailing list because I'm a member,

and they sometimes do like classes and stuff. I sign up for one once and I couldn't go because I got a job. Ah, but we should do one and be real. Lakma has little like a little that little kids area too where you can do because I had actual sew into art and he actually I took him to Lakhma recently for the first time. Oh was he so into it? He was so into it. Did he like those cars? The car exhibit thing, you know what

I'm talking about. I don't think they had that. Oh there's like that big installation that's like those tiny little cars that are like constantly moving. Oh and it's like a city with all the yeah yeah, urines and stuff. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, he did think that was cool. But he was honestly into the paintings more. Oh and also, by the way, when you go to a museum with a very little child, the security guards will stock you

and I'm sure that they don't touch anything. Oh. But then so it was so weird because you know, I just had that feeling of like someone watching me watching all the time. Realized the security guards it's really funny. But then we got in a couple of compliments because they were like, she so well behaved, and I was like, well, which I also like like that, yeah, exactly. I hate compliments like that because it's actually a comment about other children.

And I was like, well, because he's into this and he actually really loves this. Right, if he hated it, he'd be like fucking bounce them off the little Yeah exactly. But uh but yeah, so I'm I'm trying to start to take him to like art classes. Also, that's cool, so I can paint something next to him. That's really cool. That's really cool. You know. Part of the reason I know that I want to paint again is because Roz

got these little sugar skulls. They were like porcelain sugar skulls with a little paint set, and she was like into it for the first like half hour or whatever, and then like I could feel myself like ching to be like to like finish it. Try Like I was, could I try one? Can I paint a little bit? And then like she's like off doing something and I'm like sucking, you know, my eyes and ship and I was like, oh, this is my kid's thing, Like I

should common dear. This feels feels like I'm messed up here somehow, At least I like kind of thought about it. I remember my mom fucking taking my like gingerbread house, I'm like fixing it. I'd be like, oh god, yeah I would do that ship too. Yeah up, just let them let it, I say, as I like took it from her, I was like, do need that? No, I do that too. But when it's Axel, he will be like, don't you dare, don't touch myself about my creation. That's

really funny and great. Yeah, he has like strong ownership over anything he like draws or paints or oh that's o good. He's always been like that. It's crazy. I'm very interested to see how it manifests when he's yeah, me too, more better all hobbies thereby have Maybe we I feel like hobbies honestly, I kind of want to give more time and energy to hobbies. And just even like talking about it a little bit was kind of exciting.

I kind of forget that they're there. Yeah, I think we get so busy that we get that like, this is also something that we can do for ourselves. Because everybody talks about self care is like a massage or a nap or whatever, but likes to we can do Yeah, but this is also like so good for them for the mentals scratches your brain in a way. Yeah, I like a good reminder. This is a good I liked this. I do feel more better. I feel more better, especially about like going home and having some free time to

explore what I want to do with myself. Oh my god, that things are going to do to your closet. Girl, It's going to be hectic up in there, and I'm going to be giving away some stuff, some periodic text updates. Oh, you want to get on the journey. You will get them excited for that. Okay, you'll get them all right. That was fun. That was fun. Let us know your hobbies are listeners and our media. We want to know.

And again, like if you have questions for us, email us and you know, uh, do us a favorite and rate the podcast and uh subscribe because that is really important to us and it makes us feel like you're given us a little warm hug. Yeah, okay, bye.

be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Well Clem and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at WV Sound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy. Our cover art

is by vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week's sugas. Bye,