“Proceed With Caution” | Gossip

Cheese man, Bonchinche bon chinch boch.

More Better, More Better, More.

Better, More.

Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every day.

Or at least trying to. Yeah. That's moll supher marrow and that's Stephanie Beatrice. And here we are, guys, we're back. We are back talking more ship.

That's essentially, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you were quickly realizing that that's what this is.

We're just talking a lot of ship, trying to figure shit out. Yep, you know what I mean, just trying to we're doing. How are you? I'm good, friend, I'm good. How are you? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, you know it's going all right, it's going okay. What have you done lately? That's a little more better? Oh man? I since my trip.

I got a lot of rest on my trip, and I have been in a few days. I've been home very productive, and I'm thinking about some projects in my house that I want to do, like organizing projects and like purging projects.

Yuck. Well, I do love a purge. I love a purge and I love a purge because it's room to buy new shit.

Pre trip, I was too I think, like stressed and treading water. That every time I would come across that closet that needs to be overhauled or whatever, that drawer, that junk drawer that needs to be cleaned out, I would just like close it and I couldn't even deal with it. And now I think, because I had a little bit of a rest, I'm like, cool, I'm excited to like tackle this and make total space and just

How about you anything lately staying that you've done that's more better? Girl? I got myself a splint. Have I talked about this? No?

Okay, So in general, my dental health is much better, I think because I don't know about you, but I'm not I'll admit it. I'm not a good flosser. I don't do it enough.

I'm not a good flosser either. No, but you know what, I think it's totally not our fault. We did not grow up with lossing. I am baddy at it.

I did not grow up with flossing. No, my parents did not lost No.

Subsequently, I will say not to be a downer, but like when my dad was dying, he made me promise him that I would take good care.

Of my teeth, his teeth.

He like made me promise, which is really sweet, and so it actively has made me. I know, well, because it's connected to like your heart health and overall your gum health is all. I went for a cleaning and then my doctor was like, you need a scaling, and I was like, what the oh yes I remember the scaling scaling, yes, yes, So anyway, then I also got fitted for a splint, which is I I grind my teeth that night and like subsequently, one side of my jaw is bigger than the other.

Oh.

So I've been wearing my splint and it's really that like a mouth guard, really good. It looks stupid, like I looked like I'm gonna go play hockey or and I talk like left when I have it in, so like it's like I feel like said the sloth when I have it in. Yeah, it's not conducive to sexy time at all, because like.

Kissing your partner.

Good night with that in your mouth is whoo. But my I do wake up with a relaxed jaw.

My husband has one of those two and yeah, does it wear it? He does, he does. It's goofy looking, but yeah.

He he usually waits to see, like, are just We're just gonna go to sleep tonight.

I'm gonna put my thing in, Like.

See, I have to put mine in half an hour before I go to sleep. So the bedroom and stuff like that's tricky.

Okay, I know his is just that you're different than his.

Is just a mouthguard that he has to sleep with so that he doesn't mind mouth guard.

But but why do you have to put it in a half hour? I have to because otherwise I take it out in the night and it's in the.

Bed, which is also not conducd with to sex. Somebody's gross mouthguard in their breaking in the middle of their bed.

So I do that in your sleep? You take it out?

When I had him, bisi line, I would find my trays in my bed and I have no recollection taking them out, but I would just.

I don't remember that, yeah, out in the middle of the night. Yep.

So if I leave it in if I put it in half an hour before to go to bed, I'm way less likely to take it out because my mouth is kind.

Of used to it by then. Interesting.

But yeah, I've been I've been flossing like a mofo. I've been wearing my splint. I'm feeling more relaxed in the morning when I wake up.

Yeah, more better. Okay, So what are we talking about today?

We're talking about gossip today. Were diving into the topic of gossip. My favorite or some as as some may call it cheese may.

What do you call it? Cheese may bonchinch bon chiche Never heard that until you told me about it. Guys, tell us what your what your gossip words are? Yeah, that's what we call it. To us what your gossip words are, because we want to know. Are they different in different places? Oh? Yeah, I want to know different languages? What is gossip? What is the gossip term?

All over the world, spilling the tea became very popular thanks to the black community and many a drag queen and the gay community.

I actually don't know the actual origin of the spilling the tea, Yeah.

Origin of it, but I'm imagining as all cool things. It came from the black community and the LGBTQ community. Oh, they are the culture makers, the taste makers of all things. Isis what up isis?

Okay?

It says, spill the tea originated in black, gay and drag culture. So you're right, stuff, What.

Did I say? Nailed it?

Black people, gay people, drag culture. They do everything better.

They spell it with just the letter T. It says. Spilling Tea for Ruth can be seen in nineteen ninety four is Midnight and the Garden of Good and Evil by John Burrent, which featured a transgender character who spilled the tea in sharing gossip.

I love cool. I didn't know that it was tea for truth.

Yeah, so at some point it became teach yeah.

And then it just became tea tea. I love that. I love it. I do love that phrase.

I love when sometimes we get together and it's like, you got any tea, any tea?

Well, what is the juiciest piece of gossip you've ever heard?

Oh?

I mean.

It's hard because gossip is can be incredibly private, but yeah, I have gotten juicy tips of like someone being secretly pregnant when they got married.

Uh, the way you do just inale just like a triple gas. Wow, I love that.

Yeah, identities protected, identities protected adultery. Uh like finding out before Oh awful?

Oh my god. Yeah, give me more. You have to actually give it though. Yeah, you can't just be like mmmm, that was awful. I know I'm being I know, I know, I don't. Do you have a juicy what's the juiciest?

Before I started acting in La not before I started acting, but before I got a good job in La acting, I was, you know, I had to pay my bills. So I was working at a workout studio. First I worked the front desk in exchange for classes, and then I took so many classes that I got to be really really good at it. And then I auditioned to be an instructor, and I was an instructor there, and there was so much gossip around the owners of that studio.

There was like there was stuff about her past and like what kind of.

You know, there was dabbling and like listen, there was dabbling in sex work there, which is you know, its own kind of work.

But there was also like hiding that there was.

Trips that that family would because it was family owned, there were like trips that that family would take to the south of France for months while the instructors paychecks were bouncing because there wasn't they weren't getting paid, Like they would go and put their checks in and like there was nothing in the account for them.

There was.

There was a time when I, as a I was working the desk still, and there was a time when there was this client that we had that was an amazing client.

She was really really great, fabulous. She was just she would she was there every day.

She she and I had talked a lot because she was sober actually, and she talked about how exercise really like grounded her and helped her and just really sweet girl, covered in tattoos, just a really lovely person. And I got to know her over the year that I was there. And so one time, you know, I was allowed to take class, Like if my shift was over, I would just lock the front door and I would go take the last class of the day. And she that girl was like, I just have a couple emails to answer.

We don't know she stealing from us. Like meanwhile, that's one of.

Her best clients, like took privates, like was like a super high up member, like you know, like.

Unlimited classes whatever.

She paid like a premium rate and stuff, and like she talked so much shit about her.

I mean it was she was not cool. She was not cool. She was not a cool person. Anyway. There was all this like gossip and stuff.

And then there the studios were like franchising and opening everywhere, and like you know, people were not getting paid, people were doing work.

That they shouldn't have been doing.

The husband of the studio owner was like him, like there was rumor about like him hitting on different instructors getic of their ads.

Was kind of getting crazy.

And then they opened a studio in another state and like you could franchise and whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, And then the whole thing folded. The whole thing folded, and there was one like uzz feed article or something with like a small investigation into it, but nobody ever did a deep dive. But I think because none of the instructors wanted to say, you know who it was or accused them of anything or whatever.

But it was crazy anyway, that's my thing.

What a wild And they they ended up opening like a totally different studio, like another workout studio, a smaller one that like, you know, it's still they're flying under the radar with it, but they've.

You know, I don't know the instructors.

I'm not sure.

Yep. That is juicy. That's juicy, right, that is I mean, like, here's the thing. Gossip is fun. You get really good piece of gossip.

You're just like, oh, like good, I am so happy that I know this information, even though it's nothing to do with me and it doesn't like affect my life at all, but I just.

Like, yeah, I mean sometimes it can be really bad.

Ye Like, it also can be bad. Mean mean, yes, it is.

People get hurt twisted, you know, false, especially because like oh I heard this, and I heard that, and then you spread that and then it's like, oh my god, that person is you know, a monster when like.

Maybe they just feel like a gossip or something.

I feel like a gossip red flag for me is when someone starts a piece of gossip with like I heard is like I don't want I don't want second third hand accounts, Like I immediately go like, okay, I'm gonna want to I want first hand.

Yeah.

Otherwise I kind of like immediately don't. I don't I discredited a little bit, you know, I'm just right. I just feel that it's take it, take it with a great assault. But if someone's like, oh, you know, yesterday, I so and so, you know something, that's a little bit closer than.

Like I'm in I'm in in with you in the gossip. Give it to me, right bye, Right, Okay.

There's a lot of parts of this, right because like gossiping, Yeah, it's a way of exchanging information. It's a way of feeling close to other people because now you have like

Talk about people they don't like.

I feel like, you know, this shit talking, which is essentially gossip, is proceed with caution, but it also can be valuable in giving you a heads up that some person is shit.

Yes, and that is absolutely valid. You know.

I think it's I say proceed with caution because I think you have to kind of evaluate like where what exactly the gossip is or what the story is, and like what the person's intentions telling it are.

You know, I think you can.

But I think it's sometimes pretty clear that like someone is just shit talking someone because they're jealous of them, or they don't like them or something like that. Sometimes it feels pretty obvious to me, but if I get a piece of them most of the time, most of the time, but if someone is telling a story about someone who like truly did something awful, is like, that's that's important information for me to have to steer clear of that person or not work with that person. Like

You know, yeah, hey, yeah, I want to never.

Heard of anything about this person or this actor or this writer experience with them?

Yeah, yeah, what are there? What are they're? Like everybody tosks in this industry.

I mean, give me the tea, give me the ta How he asks a couple people and get a read from someone of like oh I heard they're nice, or oh I heard they're really difficult or I heard their shit, like yeah, and then you know what you're walking into. So I think that that that exchange of information can be really powerful.

I just made a face though, because like sometimes, I mean, I know myself and I've certainly had moments where they're not my finest moment, And like if you asked someone that dealt with me that period of time, they'd be like, Oh, she's a fucking bitch.

I didn't like her and she's whatever, you know what I mean. Like, No, certainly had days where but everybody had. I don't.

I don't think unless like somebody was present for an off day for you for just that one day, okay maybe, but as.

A whole, like we all have off day. Once when I was shadowing someone.

Once when I was shadowing someone, uh for directing, I was sitting at the monitors with them, them and the writer whatever, and I just like I couldnot keep my eyes open. I couldnot keep my eyes open, and I fell asleep sitting up. And I know they saw me. I know they did. I know they didn't.

So like if you were to ask them like, oh, what kind of like you know, how how is she like on set?

Or do you like her or whatever, they'd be like, I mean she fell asleep at the monitor that I'll tell you something.

They don't think I'm good.

Maybe they gave you the benefit of the day, like, oh, she must have had a rough night.

If somebody was shadowing you and then you looked over and they were fucking asleep, what would you think.

I'd be hell annoyed. I'd be like some bullshit, Get some coffee, girls.

I'm awake and I'm working, suck it up. Yeah, yeah exactly.

M so Grain of salt.

You guys, don't judge me for falling asleep at work. God, it was really embarrassing. It's really embarrassing because like I startled awake and I saw them looking at me, and I was like.

Oh, no, oh no, did you do like A No, I didn't. I don't think so shit, maybe I did. I don't know.

Damn fuck, that would be so embarrassing. God, I don't know. There's some people out there that don't like me and gossip shit about me. You know what I'm saying.

You know I'm saying, Listen, there's a lot of growth come along with this job. So did you grow up with gossip? Like, did you with gossip a part of your Yeah? And I feel like if you're Latino, like my god, a given, I think.

Everyone everyone, Yeah, everybody's part. Yes, I remember.

There's like a there's like a family phone tree that happens in my family.

So like when.

Something happens, my mom is like I'm waiting for the call from so and so, do you know what I mean, like to find out what happened and then it's and I just grew up with that all the time of like you know, it's like almost you hear the the heads up of like some shit went down or so and so we're in a fight.

Yeah, we don't know why, totaling for the call.

And then we get the call from the DIA that talk to the other DIA that talked to the cousin that talk to the cousin who saw that cousin that day and saw what happened. And then it just like goes through all these people and yeah, and then the same like with my mom, if something happened on our end, she'd be like, oh, I got a call so and so and so and so so they could call and then and it's just like this little bone tree that happens. And I just grew up with that being like very normal.

And yeah, and I cannot and I and I find everyone's in each other's business, and with my close group of friends, especially when I lived in New York, I think that definitely.

Like I adopted that, like.

Oh, some shit just went down, I'm gonna call so and so and then sometimes and that who knows what In that conversation, you go, hey, I don't I don't feel like repeating the story, So can you call so and so and tell them what happened?

Yeah, well that's.

That community building thing too, because like when you know people's business, it makes you feel closer to them.

Yeah, and I think, yeah.

I think it is like a community thing, you know. And I think I, you know, neighborhood gossip is another also PS We've said this before.

I do love gossip.

I think I enjoy gossip that you know, we're talking about like good, clean, old fashioned, scandalous gods gossip.

I mean that.

I think that's why we're not trying to like her anybody's lives.

But social media is so funny that way, because like I did remove TikTok.

From my phone again, But what I'm getting fed.

In my in my for you page is always like, Okay, this is what happened in this small town in Alabama, and you know, you don't know anybody here, but I'm gonna tell you what went down anyway, and it will be like some long story about how somebody's you know.

There was one that I followed for a while.

It was like this awful story about this woman whose husband was cheating on her and she found out that was.

With her mom is.

I know, I know, and she like her mom had gotten and her mom the whole time, I think, was like telling her about people have people.

I'm getting this wrong, but like see I'm getting it wrong.

But like I think what happened was her mom was like I'm dating this new person and like telling her daughter all about it and stuff and like and she ended up getting like a tattoo and it was the guy's.

Initials and she was like, oh, that's weird. That's my husband's initials. And she's like, yeah, that's such a coincidence.

And then like wait, the mom never met the husband. No, the mom the mom was cheating with.

The daughter's husband.

Oh, but like knew that sends her husband and was telling her she knew it was her husband.

They were like cheating in their hats. Psychotic.

I am not gonna argue with you, but I loved listening to the story.

I loved it.

I was like with my popcorn, just like yes, give me more, you know, like I.

Just think that something is so crazy.

The craziest stories, the things that like if you were to write it in a script and you've heard this before, but like if you were to write it, no one would believe it. Everybody in the writer's room would veto it, you know, because it's just so in, so out there fucking saying.

You see the thing that went viral a few days ago of a woman posted a picture of a man on an airplane and she was like, if.

This is your husband, just know he's flying. Did you see He's flying from San Jose to Miami?

And if this is your husband, he is probably spending the night going home with this this girl.

That he met at the airport bar.

And they even switched seats to sit next to each other, and like, your man is gonna cheat on you tonight.

And I was like, I ate it up.

And I was like, also, kudos to that woman looking out for some other woman that she doesn't know to be like, man is out here being a douche good.

That makes me so sick. It's just like it's so scary. It's so scary.

And then like one of the things that's really scary is like, you know, gossip spreading that person had that person's best interest at heart, But what happens when somebody doesn't have someone's best interest at heart and he's like spreading gossip, you know, like we've all been victim to reading the gossip columns, and like you know, Britney Spears

I would love, yeah, I would love to see all the gossip columns and magazines just like go away, because it's just it's just bad for humanity and just hurts people.

I do subscribe to US Weekly. I love it. I love it.

I love it rumors and just oh my god, they've done to so many Jen Aniston, like so many.

Well listen, I don't that that part of it was horrible.

And they're always there are always women that they're like I went down to sell papers.

I want to know your enemy, you know, in the words of Rage against the Machine, know your enemy, know them inside out, you know, like I know, I know, I see I read it, and you know a lot of it is like is this being sold to me? And if so, why you know who's paying? And like, as someone who's in this industry, now, like I can tell you guys, all those people that you see in the gossam columns or like in those magazines.

They all have publicists that they're paying like.

Yeah, it's thousands hard Like yes, that's like that part some hundreds of thousands of dollars to be placed in those magazines to have certain things said about them, to get good press or bad press. They've got relationships with those called gossip columnsts.

It's crazy.

My husband was good friends with someone who was a GM at a very at like a celebrity hot spot kind of restaurant in La and he would tell us he would be he would say, oh, the public He was like, half the time the publics call the paparazzi yeah and say so.

And so I was having dinner here tonight.

He was like, there's always oh my god, totally and then they you know, I was doing a play and like we were having drinks at a bar and then we walked out and there were all these paparazzi and afterwards another friend that was in the play, I was like, oh, they those those people that came and saw the play tonight that we were like at the bar having drinks with they called the pops Like I'm friends with them they called the paparazzi.

Yeah, and I was like what, like it was crazy. Yeah.

I also in my mind was thinking like wow, they look really really great, right, and she has like a full face of makeup on to just like go see a play.

That's so crazy, or like to go to dinner just like super looking, super hot to go to a bar.

Yeah, I mean like more power to them, but like wow, it's you know, like it's all there's machine happening. That's also why I like to post on social media when I am on there. It's like you post the highlights, right, but I also often post the low lights. I understand that, like everybody wants a curated version of themselves so that no one will talk shit. But people are gonna talk shit anyway, So what's the point.

Yeah? More better.

Better?

Okay, So you want to talk about the study that you read about.

Yes, so, our amazing producer Isis sent this study. It was a Dartmouth dar Dartmouth. Oh my god, how do you say that? Dartmouth, Dartmouth, dart mounth out, Dartmouth, myth, Dartmouth study, Dartmouth, thank you? Isis Dartmouth, Dartmouth Dartmouth.

Yeah, Dartmouth, yea Dartmouth, even though it's spelled like dart Mouth.

You guys, pecan pecan anyway, Dartmouth. Study, Uh, that gossip is good. So they set up this game essentially in this study where trying to remember the details, but the participants had they gave them ten dollars and they could and they had the choice to just keep their money or they could invest some of the money in like a community kind of fund and it would be invested and then dispersed throughout the group equally.

And so.

Once and then at a certain point, I think during the game, they allowed the participants to privately message each other, and what ended up happening was gossip exchanging information about who was contributing, who was just flying easy way yay yea holding on to their money, waiting to just like get more money from the group.

And you know, it increased participation in the game.

It increased collaboration and community, and it also like the group kind of like weeded out some sucos that were.

In the in the group that we're just free loading.

Nice and so it made the point that you know, in certain scenarios, gossip can be really powerful, and it made me think of professionally, like in the workplace, I you know, like I said before, gossiping about certain personalities. Also sharing, I mean, I don't know if this is considered gossip, but like sharing what you're getting paid can be really powerful. Sharing what you got in your deal or your writer or what extra little things you got,

According to the.

Paper, the team's findings on the role of gossip are consistent with creating a shared reality in which friends and colleagues often find common bonds, establish alliances, exchange personal information, and discuss the behavior of others to establish a consensus of socially acceptable behavior. Gossip can be used in too, because it helps people learn through the experience of others while enabling them to become closer to each other in

A more peaceful life. Perhaps suck a free life. Suck a free life. I like that. I like that. Oh that's nice. Yeah, I don't mind it. I don't mind it either. And listen. Yeah, the workplace.

As I've said before, I have a school age child, and I have found gossip to be a useful tool in navigating the elementary school.

Atmosphere.

If you will, all the parents, the teachers, the administrators like it's important to be kind of clued in to make sure your kid is on the right track surrounded by good people, that the school is the right fit for your child too.

That can be something. Also, this is important for me to pay attention to. I'm listening. I'm listening.

For example, gossip alerted me to the fact that my child was having a really difficult time with a teacher last year, really and it started with parents calling me and saying, hey, did Enzo tell you about this? Or hey, my kid said that this happened, and what my child was holding it in because he didn't want to get in trouble because his teacher, so he immediately he was little, and he was really really little, and he just naturally was, you know, oh, what must be me. I must be

I know, I hate that fucking teacher. My teacher is an enemy in mine. I mean, here's the thing that's I don't know.

If that's gossip necessarily or if it's just like sharing information, but I guess in the way of like, I'm not sure I should be telling you this, but I'm going to anyway.

It felt like, yeah, like it was like the delivery felt a little bit gossip.

Ye, yes, because m hmm.

Parents were like, this is coming from my kid or I don't know, you know, and and it was all sort of damn dude, it's yeah, all that shared information, man, Yeah, that's the only way to like know what's going on with like your kid's school life is through gossip.

That's cool. That's cool. That's I mean, I'll take that advice, you know more better.

You know, I'm not sure that I actually learned anything today other than that that was a good that was a good tip. I feel like most of the time I just spent it gossiping.

Actually just shit stories like we pretty much you know, dog some shit.

I think I like kind of grabbed something about like how to be how to use it more in a healthy way.

Yeah, at least from that last thing.

But like, honestly, I don't want I don't know, Like this is a tricky one because like sometimes it's real bad and sometimes it's real good and it's very hard to sift through, which is which, Yes, it is fun and I do enjoy it, and I just you know, so for anyone else who's listening to this who feels that way, you're not alone, which is probably everyone, because

Or I'll be like, oh my god, you know what happened.

I'll be like what the excite? Tell me everything. That's how I process information. Sometimes with Brad, I just gossip to him and then yeah, process it. Yeah, it's nice.

All right. Well till next time, guys. Till next time. I hope you and if you have any hot gossip please send it to you.

Please go to our Instagram page, the More Better Podcast Instagram page.

And dmos the Hot Gossip m You can have a follow up episode. Send us some dms of gossip. Okay, guys, see you next week, next week, Bye.

More More Better.

Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episode.

Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried one of our tips and tricks?

Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mike Utura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zebos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama

Art by vincent Remy's and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

See you next week's sagas.

Bye,