Remember when you like sneezed. Did you sneeze your cough like right in my mouth that one time when you were sick. I didn't cough.
I laughed and a little bit in my mouth. A tiny piece of spit went into Stephanie's mouth. And it was right before her wedding.
And I was like, I conducted myself very well in that moment. I wasn't like you did you.
I was like, I could tell that you maybe wanted to kill me, but you restrained yourself.
More and more Better, More and Better, got a little bit.
More better, more and more. Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stopped pretending to have it all together and.
Embraced the journey of becoming a little more better every day, or at least trying to. That's most of a marrow, and that's Stephanie vadris Hi.
Welcome back. First episode back for the new season. Yay, Yeah, I cut my hair again? He did? I did? I cut it again? That Bob on you. It's so good, so much. You know. Here's how you know here. Here's here's the thing. Social media it's awful. It can be really great, but it can be really awful too, because I was Fela butt coming on.
Well.
I was like, I really like my new hair. I really am enjoying it. And someone coming, why do you keep cutting your hair and then growing it back out? Don't you realize that this look is really bad on you? And I was like, oh, that's that's how you know that you like your own haircut, because I was like I don't care what this or something like yeah, and then I immediately blocked them, right, but like, I really like my haircut. I really I'm enjoying this.
When did we lose the If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Oh assume we don't have to stand in front of someone and like be a peron, you know what I mean? Like, no one's gonna come up to you and stand there and be like, why did you cut your hair again? It doesn't look good, you know, Like because I would be like, what's fucking wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with you? Just keep your opinions to yourself. Also, I don't give a shit what you think about my hair. Like they would have to deal with somebody stepping up
to them, stepping up? Oh my god, do the kids. I still know that no step, step up, like and what you got. One time on the bus when I was little, there was a new girl on the bus. I mean I think I was like in sixth grade. There was a new girl on the bus and I didn't have glasses yet, so I was like squinting and trying to figure out like her face and like whether or not I could like come up walk up to her and be like, Hi, do you wanna be friends?
And she was from a distinctly different let's say she was tough and she came up to me on the bus and was like, why do you keep mad dogging me? Do you want to step up? And I was like I don't know what either one of those things mean. Like in my mind, I was like, I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know me We're gonna hang out? What is that?
Anyway? How have you been? What's been going on? Give me a little update?
Download what has been going on? I have summered really hard this year and it was great and it was also exhausting, but it was great. It was the first summer that I'm out of the toddler years officially, and it was the first summer where I packed them so quickly for our trips because I just had to take a lot less shit.
Oh yeah, no diaper, there's no like.
No diapers, no white not even excessive snacks, like I know what they're gonna tell you. What can you guys read like yeah, like or I know I can get at like I don't need you know, they're pretty they're so used to the cross country flight too, that they pretty much stay on their iPads the whole time, like watching movies and whatever. And I'll maybe bring like one activity for Axle for the little one in case he gets bored of the iPad. But so travel was like so easy, casey.
It's bored in case he gets bored of the iPad. Is so funny to me, in case he gets bored of me that the universe had his fingertips. Yeah, okay, go onside. It was very funny, no truly.
And then like they also they they on trips, they'll play together or they'll play by them, like you don't have we don't have to hover. They know how to swim, like so I can like lay on a lounge chair while they're swimming or playing and I'm not you know, I'm keeping an eye on them, but I don't have to watch them like a hawk anymore. Like, and I
actually could rest. They're also big enough where like we could sleep in in a bunch of mornings because they would go to the kitchen and grab a banana and just like wait for us to get up, like unbelievable, whole.
New life, like a whole new.
And I there were a few times this summer where I turned to David I was like, we're doing so many I mean we did like five trips with them this summer.
Wow.
And I was like, I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm not completely exhausted. I'm having a good time with them because they're really like people now, Like we're having conversations and like, it just was such a difference. And I never would have imagined that we would have done that many trips with them. I mean, we did a weekend trip to New York, like an in and out trip with New York.
Wow.
You took them to New York City?
Did it was a real quick Any family members listening to this, I'm sorry I didn't call you.
We were literally there for three days.
No.
Oh, well that's impossible, so okay, wait list off the places you went, and then did you stay with friends or did you.
Stay with No, we got a hotel, Okay, Fat went for our very good friends Michael and Harris were celebrating their thirtieth wedding anniversary at Tavern on the Green and it was beautiful and it meant so much to them that we made the effort to go. But I also was like, you know, I feel like, especially the last few years, I've shifted to just like we got to show up for the big moments, like yeah, for sure,
just got to make it work. And there's just one of them where I was like, it's gonna be crazy, it's gonna suck. We're going to take the kids, we're going to go for a weekend, and we're just gonna show up to his party. And we're so glad we did. But they were so freaking happy to see the fucking Statue of Liberty.
They really they were like super into it, so into it. Well, was it about it? Is it like the life side like or bigger than life?
What is it that they've seen so many pictures of it and now they're seeing it in real life, more so for the older one than the younger one. Axel was like a little bit less impressed, but Enzo was like mind blown. Took a gazillion pictures of the Statute of Life, pretty so so happy, picked out this really cool antique looking pocket watch at the gift shop.
Oh my god.
That he like treasures, and like when you ask him about New York, he's like.
That was my favorite thing. And I'm like, oh my god.
And just like seeing who we could meet up with in a park. And we went to a bunch of playgrounds and walked around and and so did say the pizza was the best pizza he's ever had in his life.
Good, we said, good man. Yeah.
The bagels though, he was like, the bagels were okay. He said he likes Hank's bagels more.
Oh snap, Okay, so he's showing out to LA's Hanks bagels. He's a little la baby, Yeah, La Baby, I know it's amazing. So you really have crossed You've crossed the line over. You've crossed the line over like a trip or vacation, right, that thing that they say that you're not you can't take a vacation with the kids.
Yeah, kind of it still feels like a trip, but it definitely Yeah, there were there were moments of like, this feels like a vacation.
If you had to give your if you had to give it a overall score with like x percent vacation, x percent trip, what would you give it this summer?
I would say this summer was maybe at like sixty percent trip, thirty percent vacation.
That's good, that's good. I would And in the past I would have said like ninety percent trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I don't take this child places.
Yeah, because it's so hard with a toddler. But I feel like I see the light. I feel like I'm like, oh, we could maybe think about doing bigger trips or longer trips or yeah.
Like something.
It feels now real. Yeah, I mean so it's I mean it's coming. You're you're on the cusp.
Yeah, yeah, we're clot we're getting. I mean she does really well when there's like activities and stuff, like we took ros to Cleveland to see her aunt and uncle and like that was fabulous and like we were there for like literally a day and that was amazing and she did really well. But I know, New York City, whoof I don't think I could do it with her I mean I barely do it with Brad, Like yeah, very Brad has a hard time with the New York.
Like we were there for three days, three days just over Labor Day for the US Open, and like the reason that he had a good time was because like got to go to the US Open. We saw a play and he ate everything everything ever. You know, he had like a list of places that he was going to go and and you got to take a must girl up. Helton class was pretty fun one. It was
really fun. Yeah, because like I don't know, I mean I used to teach workout classes, like uh, there's something that happens like in the studio when like everybody's like you're about to kind of like feel you know, when you're at home alone working out and you hit that point where were like I could just stop here, like I did, I did enough. You know, literally em a love well. The teacher was like I know how you feel right now. You're like I could stop, I've done enough.
And I was like she's in my mind, you know, like she she's a witch's She was fabulous. She was very very good at like just making us feel like, you know, I don't know those teachers are really gifted. They I hope they paid them a lot of money. I really do, because they deserve it, because they just make you feel like you could do anything. I mean, I don't know. I don't pay attention to like my leaderboard scores and shit, because like, fuck you, I'm on
the bike working out. I don't need to look at shit. I don't. We don't need that. No Brad does. He's like all about it. After class. He was like, you know who was first in the class leader board? And I was like, let me guess. Oh my god, shut up, Brad. I know it's really hard sometimes m m. But I mean that I get it. Can come. Competition can push people harder. Listen, when I'm in a pilates class, do I pay attention to what the woman next to me
is doing? Absolutely? If she's holding that plank, I am trying to also hold that plank. That's why I like to sit, you know, like I like to get on the machine. That's like next to the girl that looks really strong, So I'm like, what's she gonna do? Can I be as strong as her? Usually the answer is no,
but at least I get pushed a little harder. Yes, versus at home where I'm just like I've done enough, Like I'm good, you know, although you stand up here and like I'm in a stretch, stretch, I feel like, wait, okay, so you answered the question of like what have you done lately? That's more better, which is like you've traveled with your children and it's been not as hellish. By the way, for those of you listening that don't have kids, enjoy your time, yeah, because it really does shift a lot.
And it was magical to have some days with Brad where my sister was watching Roz because yeah, it was just nice. I mean, like I haven't slept in like that in a long time. I mean it was you know, it was really nice. It's just different. Uh.
And again toddler years, like they don't let you sleep in. They eventually do our kids let us sleep in a bunch of the summer. He does sleep, but she does. She's asleeper.
She doesn't go to bed, but she does sleep. Yeah, she's like her bedtime is like nine thirty or ten. Like she's a fucking party and in that room. Yeah, yeah, she's a little night owl. Yeah, what have you done that's more better? Yeah? No, girl, like I've been very I have continued my therapy journey. We're still taking our meds. Great tis the Metal came out. If you guys haven't watched it, it's on Peacock right now. All the season has dropped.
I have watched the first two episodes and very behind him. Sorry, I'm a very bad friend. Okay, it's okay, watched anything all summer, but you got a.
Dude's head off in the episode two, and it's so bad. I did. That's me jumping. That's me doing almost everything there. I probably love to jumping so much.
I've known you for so long. I try to like. The stunt work is really really good, though I can't always tell when it's there's a swap, and I think only I can tell in small moments because I know you so so well. Yeah, but yeah, I saw that jump and I was like that.
That was me. That was me. I'm really proud of it. It's really I think the thing that's kind of hard is that like a we don't know if we're gonna get us a third season and be like, you know that feeling for those of you that don't work in television and film, which I think is probably a lot
of ourst listeners are just like cool normal people. Yeah, it's you know, the feeling when like you take a picture and or someone takes a picture of you and post it on Instagram or Facebook or something, and you're like, no, I look stupid, and uh, that is the feeling that I have when I watch myself on TV. Really every episode of the show, I have a really hard time. Oh good, I like it's it's more like and like rubbing my case. You guys, if you're not watching this
on you, I don't know. It's really hard for me. And it's not even like how I look that part is not even it's whatever. It's more like, oh no, the disconnect between I thought I was being a good actor in this scene and now I'm watching the scene and I'm like, I'm kind of bad. Like I'm watching it my work is not good. Well, continue watching this season. I mean, listen, here's the thing.
I'm going to watch Hypercriticals and I'm gonna I know you are. I know you are because I know you and we all do. We're all guilty of it. I do the same thing. You go, oh why did I make that choice? Or what would that take like I get it. It's you know, there's a lot that is out of our control, especially if we're not but.
Not the acting, and the actings in my control. And I'm bad. I'm not bad.
My grand was like cakes that they use and stuff like we we don't, you know, we do our thing and then and then it's out of our hands. But I can't wait to watch the rest of the series. And I'm gonna I'm gonna flood you with fucking compliment.
I mean, here's what I was gonna say that I'm trying to get more better at, which is just like accepting somehow understanding that like, Okay, I'm not as good as I wanted to be. That can be true at the same time that the thing that I did I'm really proud of, Like I am proud of the thing. I'm proud of the show. I think it's so funny. Everyone else is so great in it. It looks fucking fantastic, like and how I felt when I was making it
was like that was such a special experience. It was so special and like fun and like that can exist. I'm trying to be more better out letting that exist while also understanding like maybe I'm not as good as an actor I thought it was, and I need to like work on some stuff to get to the place that I feel really really confident about the work that I am looking at. Or I just do you know what Adam Driver does, which does never watch anything that
I do. I don't know what the answer is here, but I'm trying to be more fun.
Well, I was going to add I also think that part of what you're describing is true for almost any artists, except maybe the really crazy narcissistic ones. But like we're it's like that Martha Graham quote, Like there's this divine dissatisfaction because you are because actually, when you're a brilliant artist the way you are, you're you're always trying to be better, Like you know what I mean. Like I think I think it's accepting that it's always going to
be weird to watch ourselves. It's always going to be like, you know, not enough. At the same time, that's also the thing that pushes us to keep like trying to be better, trying to get better at this thing, trying to hone our craft, trying to evolve as an artist,
like and be better every single job. Like I don't think this is the kind of thing that you ever go like, I got it, Like I'm like, I know exactly what I'm doing and what I'm gonna do, Like I think any I think the actors, oh think like that, like usually are not that good.
I would agree with you. I would agree I agree with you. I think the thing I'm missing is the divinity is the thing that I'm missing. The piece is the thing that I'm missing. The her quote that is a fantastic quote which I've heard before, but like the divinity in it, the divine sat dissatisfaction is the thing that I'm missing.
I am just sitting in the distisfaction. Divine the divine dissatisfaction keeps us marching on or something like that. That's exceptional fire. It's the thing that keeps like pushing you forward to.
Get which is like, oh, I want to get better, as opposed to like, oh my god, I'm horrible in this. I hate myself, you know, which is like, yeah that is, and that's actually not true. I don't hate myself in it. I just hate my face. No, I'm just kidding. I ah more better. Anyway, what are we talking about this week?
We are talking about on our very first episode back making decisions.
Okay, yeah, this is a hard one for me sometimes other times I'm a master at it. So I can't wait to get into this because, like, I really feel like this is a this is something that we get challenged by all the time. Yeah, what's your experience with making decisions? I can be really good at it if like so both of us have directed, or you've directed a lot more than me. But I found that one of the things that was easiest for me directing television
was making choices. I was just like, oh, this that the other You know, people will come up to you all day and ask you, like, what do you think about this? What is this choice?
You know, all day you have to make decisions.
Whether it was like all day you know, do you want the window brighter? Do you want the do what do you want her to wear? What do you want to like?
Do you like the darker blue shirt or the lighter blue shirt?
For this, I was like bing bang boom, boom, boom boom, Like those choices were so easy for me. Decorating my house, I was like this, this, this, this, like I knew things were when things were wrong immediately like I was like, no, that's not right. I mean we need to change that or whatever. I'm really good at it if I'm passionate about the thing that's happening, but like I get totally frozen. Like yesterday we had the whole day free in New York until we had to take the peloton class at five.
Brad was like, what do you want to do? And I was frozen, locked into my phone like looking for like what do I want to do? I don't know, I just want it for an hour in New York City or city. What about you?
I think I'm very similar. Yeah, I was going to say that I feel like I operate in the two extremes when it comes to decisions of either being incredibly decisive or completely frozen, like there's no in between. I wish I could find more in between, but I don't
know how to live in the in between. I'm either so annoyingly indecisive or I'm just like no, we should do this, Like yeah, definitely, that same experience with directing, like all day, answering all those questions was like so easy, easy, and and even just like in work or yeah, I just I'm I'm so decisive in the moment, but when it comes to like what should we have for dinner tonight, I will become catatonic, Like I will catatonic.
Yes, yes, I will.
Just this blank stare takes over my face and I just stare at my husband or my refrigerator, and I go, yes, I don't know.
I don't open the open and stair the open and stair is I have so much trouble like making lunch for myself because I'll just open the fridge and stare and be like, well, there's a package of turkey and there's a package of cheese, and I can make a turkey cheese roll up, but I have to open both packages and I slowly close the refrigerator and grab and grab like a bar something that I don't have to do more than two steps. Have such a hard time.
Why why is it so hard? I just the hardest decision you've ever had to make, Like what's the hardest thing that you've ever had, Like that you had to like really marinate on for a long time or it was a quick one, but it was just so hard to make.
Maybe moving to la oh snap, Yeah. I feel like David was very like this is what we got like it was very clear and decisive for him, and I was like, I need a minute, because I was turning thirty and starting over in a whole new place felt overwhelmingly terrifying. Yeah, even though I'd spent a lot of time in LA And I was like, you know, pilot season still existed then, so I would fly out every year a couple times a year.
Side note for the listeners at home, Oh yeah, Melissa, will you explain to us what pilot season was.
Pilot season used to be this magical, stressful time of year where all the television networks would put all the potential new shows that they were going to they were going to do the first episode of, and you would and it would happen February through like March, and of March early April, and you would just audition for a fuck load of pilots and then maybe you would test for one, and then maybe you would book one, and then maybe that pilot would get picked up and become
an actual show. Those are like all the steps, cliff notes of all the steps, but they would all happen the same time of year to be ready for fall schedules. When we used to have TV schedules back in the day. Now we don't have that anymore, and now pilots happen throughout the year, which I don't miss pilot season because it was such a stressful time.
Every year did it. It was dated, it hated it.
And then especially as like a minority, most years were like bad. There was one year where I had thirty auditions, incredible, only one year. I think the average before that was like eight to ten.
It's still incredible. My pilot season was like two if I was lucky too.
Yeah, but all the people I went to college with were like that was their average, Like that was that was what if you were a working actor. That was what most non minority i'll put it actors experienced. And
then yeah, and I remember one year there. I had a friend who would audition a lot of your pilot season and there was one pilot season where you know, diversity was in and I probably was the same year that I had the thirty auditions and like there was more opportunity and he was like, ah, I only have like fifteen auditions this pilot season, and I was like, that's still a lot. And sometimes equality feels like oppression.
You're so nice. I would have been like eat ship man, that fucking I wanted to do.
But it was a very like sweet friend, but I did.
I gently you gently told you were like not on some feces, just very not. So that's violot season, guys. Uh. Anyway, that was a tangent, but I got big, just a decision, move your whole life. All your friends were in New York and still.
Are are like your close close buddies. Yeah, m hmmm, I mean yeah, some of them actually live other places now. But but at the time, yeah, it was like all my people, my cousins, my family.
Your family, family's all eat both.
Yeah, and so I it felt like a really daunting decision that I just had to sit on for a minute. And then I finally came around, you know. I mean, David kept reminding me. He was like, we're going to run out of money so fast.
Because La was at that time.
I'm still like LA caught up to New York the first two years we were here, but at the time it was still like cheaper, and I think in a lot of ways like it is you can still. I mean, it's so expensive now, but there there were a good number of years where like if you were crafty, you could live way cheaper. Like our rent was so much cheaper when we moved here than we've ever been in New York for a two bedroom apartment that we got in Hollywood, like in a shape of Hollywood.
I mean that's like a bigger issue though, right, Like economy wise, I think, sorry, I'm just picking some fluff off my microphone, guys, as one does. Economy wise, I think everything's gotten harder in the last seven years. Everyone's money is having to stretch so much further. So like it isn't just our city that's gotten more expensive. It's like literally everywhere everyone and the cost of like living has gone up while the median income has stayed exactly
the same. And that's on billionaires guys. A A. I feel like the biggest decision that I ever had to make, the biggest one that was like, oh my god, okay, okay, okay. It was like probably both like around life and death, was like am I gonna have a baby, and then am I going to bring my dad? Like my dad's my dad. When my dad was dying, it was like am I gonna what do I do? And that did
feel like it wasn't like a hard decision. It was just like Okay, we're doing this, but it felt it felt like a big decision, you know, like Okay, he's gonna I'm gonna bring him here, and then like whatever happened, like he's gonna be with us, like he and my mom are gonna be with us. And then it's like whatever happens is gonna happen, Like if he lasts another
six months, if he lasts a year. He ended up lasting a month, you know, but it was like he's coming here, He's coming here, like, but it felt very big because I knew it was gonna it was the rest of my life. You know. It's like, no matter what happens here from here on out, it's going to be different because like whether or not he lasts, you know, lives another six months, like it's going to affect all of our lives on the day to day, you know, And it did for the last month that he was alive.
It affected everything for the day to day. That was That was like a hard one because I it wasn't like a hard like choice, but it was hard. It was like this is the choice, and it's hard, kind of like having a baby. It was like it wasn't like, oh am I gonna am I not? It was like I want to and I know it's going to be hard. You know.
Do you have like an approach to making those big decisions, like, I don't know.
Do you journal about it? Do you make a list? Do you talk? As we've discussed on this podcast.
I fucking hate you fucking hate journals. Yeah, I'm so sorry that. I'm so sorry that I said the words.
It's okay. I write things down. I do make lists sometimes I make lists. I think for those big things, I try to just talk it out with my partner. I talk it out with Brad a lot, but especially if he's involved, you know, because yeah, I think with those big things, I don't know that you're solitary necessarily when you're making those kinds of those kinds of decisions like moving.
Right, Like because that one didn't just affect you, it affected multiple people.
Right, So like then you have to kind of take into account everybody's, like how everybody's going to feel about this thing. But like, I think group decisions are hard like that, and it's not a group, it's more like a partnership, right, Like although I guess with my dad. It was a group decision. It was like me, my mom, my, sister, Anne, Brad all kind of going like we're gonna have to like band together to do this and like we don't
know what's going to happen. All hands on deck. Yeah right, But like I'm really bad when I'm such a control freak, like when it comes to like group group things, like like when we take the whole girl, like when we go on I mean like when you're talking about like we went with multiple families to Palm Desert. I was like, this sounds like my naightmare. I mean, I I cannot I have. I'm like, I mean, you've been with me to Disneyland, and I'm like, no one leaves a group.
The group doesn't separate, you know what I mean? Like I get really like the group doesn't separate. We say together, we're going to the bathroom, We're all going together. Okay. I might have a hard time. This is when we're eating and this is where we're eating.
I have a hard time. But here's the thing. I think that's okay. So I can be that person if I see that no one else is taking that role, I'm I can I can plan, I can buy default by default, by default. This trip we went on to Lakinta. It was for uh four families. It's my little like
mom group. We all met in prenatal yoga. We did any class together and we've just like they've been the group of women that have helped me like navigate especially the early years of motherhood, which shout out to them every I hope every mother has that in their life because there's been so many times where it's like my kid is doing this and it's fucking annoying and then they're like yup, and you're like, oh, okay, it's normal and anyway. But one of the moms in the group
is like a super type a planner. She find she found the deal for the hotel, She booked all our rooms and sent the vouchers to us. She made all their dinner reservations like she would like in our Oh fucking.
Love her, yeah, I love her yeah.
And she'll be like you know, she'll go to the group for little decisions. But she's so good too because like restaurants. We the last time we went, because we went to this place two years ago for Labor Day weekend, we had dinner one night at the steakhouse and it was terrible because we all had toddlers and it's like a nice steakhouse and they it just wasn't family friendly and everybody was stressed out and like shoving food down their mouth and like trying to get the fuck out
of there. Yeah, and so she was like, we don't want to do the steakhouse again, right, and we were like fuck no. And then she was like, okay, so we love the Mexican place, and like there's this other place. You want to do Mexican two nights and we were like no, yeah, let's do Mexican. Let's do the other place, like let's try it. And it was great. It was like a bistro kind of burgers and bar food kind of.
It was good.
Perfect, And so she was like done and she was like five thirty good because we hit there's some very littles and you know, and we were like, yeah, great early dinner, love it, and she's just like and then she was like, okay, this is what we're bringing, like here's some ideas, like if you guys want to bring some floaties, like.
She just handled it.
Oh my god, amazing. And we all just showed up and we did our parts and like brought you know, extra snacks and extra floaties for the kids and games and like, you know, we all like chipped in. We also weren't like fucking assholes.
That's the other thing. If you're in a.
Group, you also like have to contribute, not just like let the person do every you know what I mean. I was like, I got board games, I got this, I got you know, I'm gonna bring this.
That's the thing. She she she shaped it so that you guys could make some choices like oh, I'll bring this or I'll bring this. Yeah, I'm gonna I want to make a choice about where we're gonna eat. But she did. She wasn't like where do you guys want to eat? She was like Mexican Okay, you know what I mean. Like she she had a handle on it, but still had flexibility, so it didn't feel like, oh my god, we're doing everything, yes she wants to do. Would you rather like your life? I know the answer
for myself. Would you rather have more choices or less choices in your life? Oh? My god, less choices.
Nothing stresses me out more than when I go to a fucking restaurant and the menu is more than.
A page long. Oh my god.
I if I see a book, I need to decide what I'm going to eat before I walk into a cheesecake factory because that fucking book stresses me out so much.
Yeah, that's real. That's real.
If I walk into a restaurant and there's like four or five entree choices, I am so happy. Yeah, I like this place is amazing. I love it. Yes, I cannot. I need less choices. Give me two or three options. I'm good to go. If you give me ten, I'm that catatonic look on my face is gonna come and I'm gonna be like I don't know what tox. That's how New York City feels to me.
It's like I don't know where I'm going, Like there's so many funny vintage choices. There's so many, Like I was like, I want to go to a store, I want to go to I want to go And then it was like ooh, like I felt like I was gonna have an aneurysm. There's so many choices about where to look at things, and like, yeah, and also me, I love I love choices too. In that like I was thinking about, like I was thinking about for you.
You know, you and I share a stylist and Ariel and I always joke, but like you'll come in and try on like three things and like if they fit great, You're like, yes, done, We're done. Like we're done.
Like she literally asked me to drive try on more.
Me, try on a couple more things. Meanwhile, She'll have like a rack of clothes for me, and I'm like, is this it there? What about that? Can I try that on? Is that someone else's Did they say no to it? Can I try it on? Like I love choosing things to wear, like I love it. Meanwhile, I'm always in the same thing. I'm always in like a vintage T shirt, Levi's jeans. But like, I love having the choices, right, Like my closet is full of Like so if you want to do and.
You see a small rack, you're immediately stressed out.
If I see a small rack, I'm not stressed. I'm just like, oh okay, Oh it's very curated today. I wonder what is here? You know, I prefer to see I prefer to see a rack that looks hefty so that I'm like, oh, there's gonna be a lot of choices here. And that's also because like I know that clothes are hard. Clothes are I mean, this is something that we can talk about bodies on a future episode. But like clothes are hard because they're not. They're all
made on different fit models. They all fit us differently. All of our bodies are different, and like sometimes something will fit, you know, on the top for me, but then like the butt, just like my booty is Listen, I've been doing my my pilates, I've been doing my peloton, and my booty is booty ing right now, you know. Okay, Okay, I mean listen, I'm really trying to battle the side. Note my mom, My mom doesn't listen to this, so
it's okay. But like my mom came over like Labor Day weekend, which we were all in the pool and stuff, and my mom's so cute in her little leopard bathing suit.
But she's got like a slat.
But yeah, like I call her SpongeBob square butt, and like I've inherited the SpongeBob square butt. And sometimes I see my own butt and like in a picture or something, and I'm like that's SpongeBob score butt. So I have to really battle the SpongeBob scare butt. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It looks like fucking square and yeah thistical genetically, sometimes my booty be looking like a square. Shout out to wrang those jeans that never make my
booty look like a square. Thank you wranglers. Yes. How do you teach your boys to make choices? Do you give them choices? Is this something that you like with them? I do.
I have two pretty wilful boys. One is much more willful than the other and needs choices. Like if you only give him one choice, he's like what else is available? It's like living total little lawyer. So I do as often as I can. But then also I see the other side of it, like sometimes sometimes David will say like what do you want to eat to lunch to the children, and I'm like, nope, nope, no, I'm like,
that's like that's a terrible question. They're going to tell you they're they're going to go into paralysis, or they're going to ask for a pizza or candy or like you know. I was like, give them two choices, or just make something and give it to them. Yeah, so I feel like there's a time and a place I do try to give like two or three decisions. Now having a nine year old, it's really interesting because we're
getting into like tween years. Like literally, I had this realization the other day where I was like, oh my god, I think I have a tween and then somebody like confirmed it for me. They were like, yeah, that like that's that's nine to twelve. Those are the tween years.
And I was like, ugh, but my god, I was still playing with when I was nine, I know, but it is I was like playing with dolls bro. Yeah, I mean I was like Samantha from the American Girls, you know what I mean, Like I was like reading Girls. Yeah, Like no, you're still a kid.
But it like biologically, it's when like the first little bits of hormones like start coming in and I've seen it in some moodswings like yeah, okay. So he oh so he had to pick an elective for the first time in school and there was four or five choices okay, and it was the first time where uh we really
had to like talk it out. I was like, oh, shoot, he has to like decide something kind of big and we have to like weigh the pros and cons, and like what was hard was he didn't really want to do any of them because we thought we thought debate was going to be one of the choices and it wasn't. And so oh he was because when I told him that, he was like, what's debate? And I was like, you just argue with people to like prove your right.
Oh my god. He was like he was like wow, wow, wow, wow, wow wow, my life's calling. Oh god, that's so funny. Goddamn, that's funny.
So he had a pick, like, you know, two of them were music based, and then there's like drama and dance. He was like, definitely not dance. Definitely not drama. So he's like, I know, I thought maybe there would be no he was like hard pass on the drama ross well from him, he was like getting up in front of people and like acting. God, no, okay, okay, yeah. I was like, well, what if part of drama is like making up the things for people to do. He's like,
it's not. I already asked that and I was like okay, ah,
but yeah, so yeah, it's just beginning. And I and I it wasn't something I put a lot of thought into, but I guess I approached it the way I like you were saying, like, I think I make a lot of decisions by like talking it out, Like I need to talk it out, like whether it's with David or friend or you know, it's like it depends on what the decision is that I find, Like I'll go to a person that I feel like maybe an expert or is going to be smarter than me in that world.
Yeah, for sure.
You know, like I've got I go to you sometimes for work decisions, or I've gone I've gone to Andy sometimes for work decisions, like and uh, and I just have to talk it out and then I'm usually talking it out. By the end of talking it out and you're like weighing pros and cons, it just becomes clearer what you want to do.
So what you're talking about right now, I think is so fascinating because what you're talking about is is accessing and practicing your critical thinking skills, your actual like brain going like what do I want when I critically look at this decision that I'm gonna make, I want to talk about it. It's like, and then I want to that thing that I like to say, which is like I want to not just play the trailer, I want to watch the whole movie, Like what happens at the
end of this if I choose this right? Yeah, And like this is where I think letting chat GBT and like I just went like this with my hands. But like when you're asking, when you're asking your phone like to make these choices for you, that's when it gets really sticky, because like critical thinking is a practice. It is a it's yeah, is a practice, and it's like
it is like working out. It's like working out these parts of your brain that are looking at something and act assessing whether or not you agree or disagree and what you like and what you think about it, as opposed to just giving it over to something like AI, which is like make this choice for me an AI is listen. AI is great for a lot of things.
Chatgybts really can be really helpful, but it does always come with a disclaimer, which is like most of this stuff is wrong, Like you have to follow up more better, more better. So like something that isis our producer looked up for us in our nerve time is dependence and reliability over reliance on AI could lead to a loss
of critical thinking skills and judgment among individuals. The inability to discern between AI generated and human generated insights can be detrimental in situations requiring independent decision making, which is like really scary and not to get too dark about it, because this podcast is called more Better, but there there are a lot of teenagers that are relying on chat, GYBT and different forms of AI to help them make decisions because they're really like confused or unable to sort
of move forward, right, And that's where I think parental guidance or like mentor guidance can really come in handy because talking things out with a kid, talking things out with friends, and being able to be vulnerable and say like I don't know what the right decision is. I actually don't know. Can you help me with a real
person versus a computer? You know, an artificial intelligence is is is not going to come at you with like maybe the empathy or sympathy or or human experiences that haven't been distilled down into like you know, BuzzFeed articles that AI is grabbing outs information from, right, Like, I think that that's a big that's big that you're helping your kid through these like first steps of like what choices do I want to make that reflect who I
want to be? Slash am what I do don't like, which is like I don't want to get them in running people right now? You know, like that might change? What did he end up deciding bad banned? Yeah he knew it, so he knew it. Has he watched School of Rock by the way, Oh no, that's a good Oh good, it's so funny, dude, it's such a great movie. Oh, such a great movie. Oh my god.
We sort of went with, you know, like so much back and forth, and I finally just went just ask your friends what they're doing, and be with your friends again, real the people they really like, spend like more time with during the day, Spend more time with those with friends, go, spend more time with them and pick the same elective. Yeah, yes, I was like, and then you know you're gonna have a good time regardless of what it is.
Yes, you know. Yeah that also brings me to this other part of your time, which is the good enough rule. In his twenty sixteen book The Paradox of Choice, Why More is Less, psychology professor Barry Schwartz says people tend to make decisions in one of two general ways. Maximizers try to find the perfect choice and compare everything. Satisfiers pick good enough. The paradoxes, maximizers make objectively better decisions,
but might feel more regret and dissatisfaction. That's hilarious. That's that can be really true, because like sometimes I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, I'm my got And then I finally settle on and I'm like, oh, but what if I'd done the other thing as opposed to Eh, whatever, I'll just do this right, yeah, just kind of what we ended up doing on what was yesterday? Whatever yesterday was. Oh, girl, I don't know what day it is anymore. Girl, did I tell you our flight was delayed? I'm doing this
on like four hours of sleep. Nothing. Oh my flight was delayed on the tarmac. Speaking of choices, we had a choice whether or not to get off the plane at one point, and I was like, no, I'm not getting off this plane. I can ride this plane all the way to LA. We were on the tarmac, or not even the tarmac. We were at the gate for two hours and then we had another hour wait on Oh, I watched Dirty dancing holds up, great movie?
Oh yeah, oh ahead of okay, ahead of its time, truly ahead of time time.
Okay, I want to do this thing? Wait, hold on, where is it? I just found us this thing. Let's end with this. Which is this rapid fire game called the this or that question Generator. It's like a team building exercise. We can link it on the story in our stories or something great. This post contains what you found our list of this or that questions. This or that questions are prompts to ask participants to choose for
one or two of two options. The purpose of these questions is usually to help adults break the ice or service quick and fun game for friends. These prompts are also known as either or questions. Oh, I'm going to scroll down to the click and the click for the randomized questions. Are you ready Melissa? Okay, I'm ready? Okay. Messy desk or clean desk? Clean dusk cleaned? Us? Mowing the yard or the garden? Oh?
Weating?
Weating cookies are brownies, brownies cookies? Watch sports or play sports? Watch sports?
Okay? Sun or moon moon? Ooh sun Son? Robots are dinosaurs. Oh oh, they'll both kill us TV or movies TV TV, owe money or oh a favor. I'd rather owe money, honestly, I would. Also, I don't want to owe nobody in a favorite, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know what you're gonna ask me to do.
Oh my god, It's like when school asked you to do shit, and I'm like, can I just give you money?
Just get Can I just give you money I don't want Can we.
All just not do this thing that we all don't want to do and.
Just give you money? Oh my god? Would you rather be embarrassed or be afraid?
I'd rather be afraid rather be be is like, wow, I don't know that's and I feel like I gave a tricky answer though, because it's really hard to embarrass me.
Okay, so it's just no, no, it just means I don't I challenge accepted. Wow. Okay, so I'll remember that.
Okay.
Fruits are vegetables. Vegetables. Fruits. Words are actions words. Actions. I love romance. I mean I'm thinking about it romantically. Chocolate or vanilla, vanilla.
Chocolate, Hot coffee or iced coffee. I know your answer depends on the hot, but I did have an ice latte today.
Oh, because it's fucking hot out, call first thing in the morning or call in the middle of the night. Let's say it's someone calling you, I'd rather call first thing in the morning. If it's the middle of the night, that's an emergency, that's scary.
Yeah, first in the morning, right, But I am talking not useful for no, please don't call me for an emergen the morning.
No, I'm going to change.
My answer to the middle of the night because I'm actually going to be more useful.
And then you'll be like, what's going on.
Okay, I'm in, I'm locked in, I will go, I've got I will I'm British shovel, I will do whatever.
Would you a speeding ticket or parking ticket? Parking ticket? Yeah, I don't want to be I don't want uh uhh no. Sneezing or coughing, ew, coughing, disgusting both of them laughing you.
I hate sneezing so much. My whole family makes fun of me because I will yell the F word after I sneeze, because.
Everyone you like sneezed. Did you sneeze your cough like right in my mouth? That one time when you were sick. Oh my god.
I just told that story on Angela Johnson's podcast. I had strep throat and I laughed.
I didn't cough.
I laughed and a little bit in my mouth, a tiny piece of spit went into Stephanie's mouth, and I was like, for her, wedding was before your wedding or before your botch Ratt party. It was right before, like a wedding event. I don't remember if it was the wedding itself or a wedding event.
I conducted myself very well in that moment. I wasn't like you did you?
I was like, I could tell that you maybe wanted to kill me, but but exact way, what can you do? What can you restrange yourself? And you think like you didn't get sick? God, that was the worst case of strap and I can't believed and get it.
I had a pimple that I manifested away the morning of my wedding. I was like, no, you're not you're not, No, you're not here, You're not invited to this. You have to go away.
We're going to You're gonna go back into the body and you're yeah at a later time.
And it did. It dissipated.
Yeah, I believe that. Shit, that's the power of mine.
I do too, That's that's the power of me making a decision. Okay, last question, Christmas or your birthday? Oh Christmas? That Christmas? Yeah, listen, I love not you Juanna. Okay, that was fine. It reminded mad like a BuzzFeed quiz. God. I used to love those. Oh my god, that was fun. Well, we will link that somewhere for you guys to do, because that is a fun kind of game for people.
Yeah, more better.
Okay, what'd you learn today? And I learned?
Well, I think I learned that maybe I'm better at decisions than I thought I was when we started this conversation. Yeah, and like that, there's not really a right way or a wrong way to make a decision.
No, not really works for you. I want to start calling this part takeaway because that's what the Brits call takeout. Oh we're gonna do what's your takeaways? What's your takeaways? I like that? Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. My takeaway is like, I'm not this is okay. The way that I'm doing this is all right. I don't have to get upset at it's really the judgment around the decision making. Yeah, that is the worst part. It's like me judging myself as doing a bad job on my
trip by being a little bit paralyzed. Like, so what, I still had a great day. It was really fun. I did stuff that like I didn't plan for but was still fun and exciting.
Yeah, and you were in a place where there's like too many decisions.
It's fine.
So it's fine. That was a very human reaction. Incredible an overwhelming place, New York City.
It's not for the week. Do you feel a little more better? I always feel a little way better. Yeah, I do.
I do.
It's a good guys, season two. We're up to a great start. We're so excited to continue doing this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. We're so excited to bring you more stuff. Please continue sending us your questions and stuff like that, because we love talking about it and we'd love giving advice, even though we're totally unqualified. Anyway. We'll see you guys next time. See next Dame Baby,
more more better. Do you have something you'd like to be more better at that you want us to talk about in a future episode?
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried one of our tips and tricks?
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include a voice note if you want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikuntura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zabels.
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Kumero, along with Wilmore Valderrama and Leo Klem at WV Sound and ISIS Madrid.
This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week, Sugas Bye,